hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

14 May 2011
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Warm Cookies and Milk

I grew up with fine cooks in my life; my maternal grandmother was a wonderful cook, my eldest aunt on my father’s side was the ultimate cook, and then there is my Mom. It is unfortunate that cooking now isn’t as important as it was when we were growing up. Busy schedules and the availability of fast food has turned it into a somewhat lost art. Come back with me into the kitchen; climb up onto the stool and see that beloved individual in your life create and/or teach you one of the fine foods that will for years to come, bring back memories that can and will be ignited by a fleeting thought.

Sunlight filtered into my bedroom and the aroma crept up. At first I simply rolled over, then my eyes opened and I sat straight up. In a semi-trance I made my way to the kitchen. Ahhh fresh rolls. My maternal grandmother made the best little bite sized rolls you could imagine. I remember helping her, but I never quite got the hang of it. Instead I am happy to be the cake baker of the family.

As amazing as it is, we don’t really think about how smells, fragrances, aromas act as a time machine for us. I realize it only because I am so far away from the familiar terrain I grew up in and around.  I didn’t know where this was going when my friend told me a story and sparked the writing bug. The title came fast and the rest just lingered on with nothing really inspired to talk about.  It was, after all, her memory and she relayed the story so well. I was trying to gather something from a similar experience, so that I could do her memory justice . Perhaps that was my mistake I was trying too hard.  I could not do her story justice because it was her story, and even though she gave it to me as a starting point it still belonged to her. I cannot touch the feeling she relayed to me from her mind’s eye. I just know I was right there in the room with my friend and her mother tasting those cookies.

Then I saw a photograph of another friend from childhood with her beautiful little granddaughters on the playground. The baby was bundled up, her big sister looking on showing off baby sister, and my friend glowing with pride. I could smell the cool, dew drenched Southern California mornings. I felt the chill in the air and I went back to grandma’s kitchen.  I saw her cutting out the little delicacies and I tasted the buttery delight of them. This segued to my first mornings with my new baby sons, decades flew past like the pages of a book in a mild breeze. Then I knew my warm cookies and milk memory was simply my family, my friends, and their faces. Ignited by one sense, but crescendoed by another.

Posted in Order of Appearance
14 May 2011
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VI-haftasaysomethin

Today I had to do something I did not want to do but I had to. Through the years we all have had this type of experience(doing something you didn’t want to), and more than likely this has happened more than once.

My boy, as I liked to think of him, was born January 1, 1999. He came as  a surprise to me 3 years later, because I  never thought I would own another cat after my loss 12 years earlier. There he was sitting the cage at Petsmart waiting to be adopted. He had beautiful blue eyes and a gray fluffy coat. He was by breed a “Ragdoll”.  I re-named him , but as all things that concerned him, he never warmed up to his name or me for that matter. I can only imagine what his early life was. I know it wasn’t good, but I know we tried to give him a good home and we tried to do this for 9 years.

Today I let him go. I am sad for the loss of life, but I am not sad for him. I think he is worth mentioning because,  I believe there are situations where we put all of our energy in to and get no return. I was very convinced and comfortable with my decision. As a pet lover, I have had to make the unselfish  choice to let go before and it hurt. This was so different and I learned  about being more responsible when it comes to a life. I think I should have left Storm alone. I tried to fill a void with another individual and it did not work. I can tell myself that I gave him something better than he had, but if he didn’t want it was it really better?

Anyone other than a pet lover may find this odd. I hope the pet lovers understand and take a bit of heed, because we are generally good-hearted folks. This is just a demonstration of how we can lose track of what is really important. I now believe I would have better served Storm by giving a cash contribution to his foster parent and moving on.  I changed his environment, I changed his name, but I didn’t change him.  I did this convinced this would make him happy and subsequently me happy.

Not all of our projects or endeavors will be a success, and today I have to live with that reality.  I did not give all of this thought the day I adopted him and I wish I would have. Today I have to live with a farewell and on that note I haftasaysomthin; his name was Toby before he knew me. Peace be with you Toby.

Posted in Hafwaythroughpoints and tagged , , , , , ,
09 May 2011

Time Sensitive

I cannot say I pay attention to  all expiration dates. I am selective even arrogant in my thinking when it comes to this. These are very immediate thoughts, because after all I do not have time for… Yet time does not always overcome all obstacles. Our feelings can defy time, emotions don’t always calm down and settle. Now you have to o to a place you thought you would never see again, and you don’t really know how to act because you don’t know how you really feel.

Like a smile that comes via special delivery and it is aimed directly at your heart. It is welcomed and seems as though it was never out of your presence. Then there is the pain of a trampled upon ego, and unfortunately it is just as precise. How are we  able to pick right back up where we left off?

As we move on in our life journey, the side trips can baffle us. Being visited by the stranger or long lost friend known as memory that takes you back to a territory you should be familiar with but you oddly aren’t,  oftentimes jars your very being. It is confusing. While my mind says one thing and my body may slightly agree, who in the world is that individual looking back at me in the mirror.

What do we expect of our life experiences? The time we spend with one another is etched in our psyche. Stored in a recess that seems far away, until there is a tap on your shoulder, a phone call or a chance meeting. Because time has passed does not constitute an expiration of feelings. Remember these things are being stored so there is going to be a level of preservation. We don’t have the ability to select how much will be stored, where  exactly it will be stored, or what will trigger it resurfacing. Don’t be surprised if one day you are propelled unexpectedly into a place you thought you had long since forgotten, it will be your reminder that the particular matter you are encountering is still quite potent.

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07 May 2011
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You Hurt My Feelings and I AM MAD!

What gives someone the right to do this to you? Sometimes it is intentional, sometimes it is not. If the first occurs you have “Carte Blanc” in your dealings with them. However, what about the other? How do you address your feelings when it is very possible the perpetrator has no idea about what they have done.

This was an easy one for me of sorts, because  at the time I started I was in that state.  I wanted to cuss and cry at the same time. It seems as though I am experiencing this more than I care to of late.  I look to self first, am I being just too sensitive? Is it the other way around?

In dealing with hurt feelings you have to guard against perhaps putting other issues in where they normally would not enter.  Anger often enters and it truly distorts vantage points. Dealing with one wound you are already sensitive, it is understandable why another one could easily happen. If you slow down, don’t react immediately, and give yourself a chance to really look at what is going on, you may just find the answer you were searching for.

I was quite motivated when I began this piece, but fortunately I did what I am suggesting. Otherwise I cannot say, nor imagine what may have been written here. Sometimes we want to be the victim, sometimes we want to be damaged, it gives us an excuse for our behavior. One must note having what is deemed as an excuse does not always justify ones actions. I suggest you tread lightly because you are not immune to these same feelings, the pain and heartache you save may be your own.

Posted in Order of Appearance
07 May 2011
3 Comments

Our Favorite Girl

Momma, Mother, Mommy, or Mom she is simply AMAZING. She is life influence personified.

I am grateful for every day the good Lord gives me to share with mine. Distance has been difficult for me, but I talk to her daily. Thank you technology and air travel.

She is the first real friend you ever have. Everything she does takes on a magical, mystifying air. I think the truly ironic thing about her is that each mother’s child believes and sees the most beautiful, smart, sweet, special, loving being on this Earth. No one can cook,  no one can solve problems, or fix a hurt like she can. It doesn’t matter how old or young we are, her mere presence makes us feel secure. We know if she is here or even near by there is hope. Talk about a “Super-Hero”.

Even if she is no longer occupying this space with us we can  have solace knowing she loved us and she resides in our hearts forever to give us the strength to go on.

Kiss her if you can, loves her the best way you are able to,  and cherish the fact that you were  blessed to have had her in your life, because you should.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , ,
30 Apr 2011

End:Closures

Sometimes things have to end badly or they wouldn’t end… I cannot remember when or where I first heard that, but I think there is a great deal of truth to that statement.

We want the ride to be longer, the concert to have one more song, our vacation to last just one more day….I think of a movie that I am particularly fond of “Groundhog Day”. Whether the main character wanted the day to end or not, it just wouldn’t. The writers played with that situation well; first the disbelief, then the need to escape, followed by the need to control things. The character found a way to capitalize off of his predicament, but what did he really learn.

The natural order of things dictates a beginning, a middle, and an end. When it is good we don’t want it to end , but when it is what we deem to be bad we can hardly wait for it to be over. Honestly, everything is going to end and a stopping point is very important.

It seems the television media learned all of this regarding “ends” first. Can you recall how series used to go on and on until the ratings fell off and the network was forced to pull the plug? Now when a series is created there are or at least seem to be set time periods. Even if it is a success, the series has been predetermined to run “x” amount of years. This make sense kids grow up on television, people move in and out of lives. If television is to mirror life it has to be realistic on some vein.

I am reminded of a song, “Stop To Start” by Blue Magic.  At every end awaits a new beginning. We look forward to that beginning but the end…. not normally the case. Circumstance always weighs in heavily of course. Comfort levels, decorum, and tact have to be of concern. Sometimes our attempts to soften blows backfire and explode in our faces. I suggest that you seek balance.

Therefore in those time of uncomfortable “ends” or your desperately sought after “closures” reflect upon this.  Just as I am reminded of church and scripture here in this piece, not planned simply appropriate. John 16:33 It is in regards to our relationship with God and our dealings in life. It speaks of how the Lord never promised us that life would be easy, but only that He would never leave us alone. I feel confident that surviving a mere phase or cycle that is part of life, can be dealt with gracefully.

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29 Apr 2011

R-U-Tit-4-Tat?

Oh how I wish I could say without a shadow of a doubt and emphatically, “NO!”, but I can’t. Therefore I will do what any self-respecting coward would do, I will put this off on someone else and pose the question to you.

Pettiness, not a flattering characteristic. Like so many of the flaws in of character we like to place youth in the “hot seat” of blame. Yet, we see these flaws in young and old alike. In a chronological sense I am beyond what would be considered immature; why then do I still find myself handling things like I did one, two, or even three decades ago.

I watched a case of “road rage” yesterday and was reminded of how easily one can fall into this “tit-for-tat” state. It exemplifies our inability to just let things go. Once again we are able to make choices and often times we make the wrong ones. We assign a catchy little name to something and it oversimplifies the impact of it.

How many disagreements/arguments could one have avoided with a mate by simply taking the high road and silently letting “something” get by us. Yes there are people who take these gestures of silence/concession and allow themselves to be elevated to the place that tells them they are always right, but that is the risk you take when attempting to be the bigger person. Let him have his way, let her be right One has to think in terms of self here; what do I really have to gain by arguing with or insulting this person. Furthermore, it could escalate.

I don’t begin to suggest that one should always concede and/or give in, I simply suggest you pick your battles. I have been told I am in individual who has to have the last word. I have to remind myself that I don’t want to consciously make my last word something mean or cross. I have to do this on a regular basis and I am not always successful in my attempts; but if  you at least make it a goal, you will always keep it in mind.

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25 Apr 2011

V-Haftoberight

Is it rewarding to say “I told you so..” I know the recipient does not think it to be true. What do you gain by being able to rub someone’s nose in something; wouldn’t it have been better to make a little more effort in convincing them to make a different decision, than to affirm the less than desired results. What about this; even if you were unsuccessful in trying to help, be there for support. When we do things the wrong way, we are quite aware. However, how we respond is under our complete control.

I never thought of myself this way. However, I recently learned that is exactly the way I am. It is difficult to see ourselves through the eyes of others, but we can readily see their faults. Things we dislike so much in others tends to manifest in us. We cannot see it because we don’t appreciate these qualities, and we certainly do not want to own up to them. Being right gives us a sense of power and control.

I submit this to you; there is nothing wrong with being correct about something, but realize at some point in time you will also be incorrect about something. None of us are infallible, if we had all the answers we would not be in one or more of our current situations. Stop building yourself up and patting yourself on the back for possessing a track record of at best 50% , average.  Average, the same, just like everyone else. Think about this the next time you feel the need to tell someone “I told you so”. For every one of those statements I have to  seek out someone and relinquish a “You told me so, you were right”. That should take the ego down a notch; and sometimes we need that, in order to have things put back into perspective.

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22 Apr 2011

May I Have Your Attention Please; ALL OF YOUR ATTENTION !

Does this make you think of a spoiled little child? It sounds like one. Can’t you just picture the folded little arms and pouty face? However, this is addressing the spoiled little child that exists in us adults. They cry out” look at me, listen to me; but the important thing is you in some way, fashion or form you recognize “ME”. You see them in stores, standing in lines at your local favorite restaurant.  You want to leave where you are because of them. I submit this to you though, is that person you.

I imagine we may think we are just demanding respect and recognition. One should give way to our obvious wisdom. However, unlike the times of our parents young people today really do not care what older people think, nor do they care how we feel. Young people are concerned with being young and do not want to deal with the fact that if they are fortunate, they too one day may be  what they consider old.

Armed with the knowledge that you are not going to get an automatic pass because of your maturity, wouldn’t it be wise to behave in a fashion that exudes respect. Do not allow your fear of being over-looked cause you to be singled out. Our patience is wearing thin and our tempers are short, but that does not mean it is okay to be mean.

A very dear friend once told me in my forties that I should not do something, exactly what escapes me, because I did not want to be perceived as old and sour. At the time I really did not think at my age I had that to worry about, but what she was telling me was in forming those bad habits at that time in my life, well it may not be so easy to change and as you age change is not always a choice. Finally, who wants to be around some mean, cantankerous soul? Watch yourself because others are watching you, and maybe you will get the attention you deserve with the desired effects.

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21 Apr 2011

The Consequence Of Overindulgence

You can have your cake, and eat it too; but what about the stomach ache? Is having everything your way so important that you would risk something truly valuable, in order to obtain that which you think you want.

In our greedy, self-absorbed, instant gratification minded society it is no wonder. I remember laughing and even thinking the name of a Cruise ship named Hedonism was cute and catchy, now it doesn’t seem so amusing or acceptable. In our society the excesses are sought after. What’s wrong with the pursuit of what is grand, beautiful, luxurious? After all, haven’t we earned it at this juncture in our lives?

Do you play the lottery; how much and how often do you wager? Do you love to shop; where are the sales this week? These are simple, harmless pass-times and I imagine those of you who answered affirmatively to the first part of those questions really believe that. However, they were “leading” questions and that is the root of the problem. Where does it ultimately lead to.

If you have ever owned a puppy you have undoubtedly been warned NOT to overfeed it. For a puppy will eat itself to death. It simply wants more and cannot say no. What about us? Do we suffer from a chronic case of “The Mores”? I certainly believe the marketing industry believes it to be true and trust me they do not want us to be cured. They have capitalized of of our condition and offered temporary fixes. Never mind those fixes come with consequences and side affects. They are merciless and are not bound by moral of any type. Their “dirty-pool” mentality allows them to attack the weakest and most vulnerable, they start on us as children.

In a self examination, I played a game I used to play as a child. This game did not require any pieces and it also did not require any other participants. However, you could have others involved if you chose to. Imagination was the only component necessary. It was called “What Do You Want”? I thought this would be a simple trip down memory lane, but I wanted to give a spot of reality and fact to it. The plan was to  briefly address “BARBIE“. Collector or not, male or female, privileged or poor. we all know of “BARBIE“. I wanted to show how a little girl’s dream, wish, desire was to have all the “BARBIE” dolls there were, and how impossible and preposterous a it was. However, what I discovered was it was nearly as impossible to find out something as simple an actual number.

Boundaries and perimeters defeat us in our quest for a “hedonistic” existence, still we gravitate in that direction.  I was introduced to the decadence of cheesecake as a child, my parents warned me not to eat too much, to only get very small slices when I did eat. Well, being an enthusiastic eater I did not heed the warning. I overdid it and became sick. It wasn’t that I did not believe my parents, but my desire for more overtook me and my desire for control.

More, more, more I say if that is your mindset then be prepared to end up in a place whose theme  is “Thanks for visiting and check your soul upon entry”.

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