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Archive for the month “September, 2022”

28 Sep 2022
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The Music Takes Us There

You are moving along perfectly fine with a so-called “modern relationship”. Suddenly you notice this wonderful melody in the background. The music sounds so good, it makes you feel good, then you notice you are feeling good in the presence of this person. There goes our brains, song+ this person= good feeling. You are doomed.

At this point in our lives things are not as we were led to believe, or should I say we allowed ourselves to believe, uncomplicated, simpler, easier. Just when you thought you understood things, you had adjusted your mind to wrap around what the two of you were doing…now you feel some-kinda-way. This person even looks different. The cute little way they look when something is on their mind, that silly laugh…wait before you attached the beautiful song to them these very same things rather annoyed you. What is happening? Well, the first thing you HAVE to do is find out the name of that song and the artist. Because that song clearly defines what is going on between the two of you. Sound like high school?

Let’s step back, lets re-evaluate what has just transpired. We (the baby-boomers) have far too many things to figure out. We are NOT doing retirement and getting older like our predecessors did. We listened more to what doctors said about taking care of our physical selves, we made some good decisions about our financial situations, many of us think our mental health is important and are proactive in that area. These things are scratching the surface of what we need to do to keep ourselves whole. Still there is more work to do.

So, we venture back into RelationshipLand. This “place” is crazy on the best of days. Now prior to that song entering your psyche, the lines were drawn and clear. Every other week at 1p.m. lunch at the best Thai restaurant in town, or was it “dessert” at your place at 1 a.m.? In either case, all parties concerned had a clear understanding of their role/position. Thanks to the blasted crooner you wonder what “he” is doing right now or is “she” wearing your favorite perfume. The smiles or tears are being induced by the lyrics you heard. Yet, you do not understand what has changed. The music is hypnotic, now your relationship has a soundtrack, now its very nature has been altered.

I love music, period. I use it to accomplish tasks. If I am working out at the gym, in the kitchen cooking (rare as that is) or sitting in front of my laptop writing… the music facilitates the processes. It is/can be a catalyst in many instances, as in this subject we are currently addressing. For all the love and respect, I give to the fabulous art of music, when it comes to affair of the heart, I would say enjoy it but don’t listen to the pretty words. For the music WILL take you “there”.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , ,
28 Sep 2022

“Gun-Shy”

Well, it finally has happened. I thought I was immune. I knew the risks involved and felt I was up to the challenges. I have “weathered a few storms” and I chocked it up to process. However, I truly got blindsided. What’s more is I see myself retreating, in spite of the fact I know I must continue on.

Look, all of us have had experiences that stop us in our tracks. Most of the time we look at these experiences, take the information obtained, and use it the next time. I can only recall having the wind taken out of me, in my early days of dating. That happened because I had never traveled certain roads before.
Today a seasoned veteran, there was a bit of cockiness. I was self-assured, I did not feel invincible, but I felt like I would not get in so deep that I would not see certain dangers as they approached, let alone smack me in the back of my head. Yet, here I sit, injured, examining my wounds, and not knowing if I want to heal the injury or hope that I am not really looking at an actual wound. I am telling myself ridiculous things like,” maybe I am misinterpreting things…”

I now must admit I feel fear in treading the waters of the dating world. I have been hurt. I want revenge, I want retribution, but through it all I would give anything to be wrong. I know this cut is a deep one… I did not know or believe that one could still have this kind of feeling. It wasn’t this breathless when it was going on. Maybe because I was in denial, maybe because I told myself…”I like him, and I am possibly on the way to bigger and better”. However, I now know I was already at “bigger and better” and all the denial on the planet does not change what I am now experiencing.

Getting over and beyond him is only one aspect of this thing, I must now go through what seems to be considerable changes. I am pondering not wanting to put myself in a forum where this is possible again. That both frightens and saddens me. It is time to take a break, I think. I need to re-evaluate things, I need to revisit some ideas and yes, I need time to “lick my wounds“.

Truth is somewhere in between, wanting to inflict the same disappointment on this individual and relief that we did not work out, is real confusion. I not only let my guard down, but I was also adventurous (or naive) enough to relax some of my own requirements. I did this with my eyes wide open and as my inner voice was shouting,” You know you don’t like this and/or that characteristic”. I gauge how I am dealing with my feelings with a barometer, which has readings ranging from strong to indifferent. He is still teetering in the middle; I know that is a dangerous spot. He could slip back in; hey I might even be tempted to invite him back. That would be a tragic disaster in my opinion. He’d be armed with the knowledge I had felt something for him, and I accepted that which was unacceptable. He would have free reign and I would be handing it to him. See I already know the place we are now in, SHOULD digress to nothingness, for MY OWN GOOD.

The take-away here, the moral of this story… follow your first mind or be prepared to face the consequences.

Posted in How We Relate, The Dating Game 6.0 and tagged , | Leave a comment

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