I suppose all of us have a story of our near destruction or demise. We all have our Achille’s Heel”. Mine happened 13 years ago and it was a narrow escape.
You know your very life is planned before you are born, what happens along the way is YOU make these last minute decisions that change everything around. There are only so many detours you can take before the entire trip is forever altered though, so you have to figure out your number and act accordingly.
My number was 13; I was on error# 15 when I figured this out. They were of course not all the same type of mistakes. I would be on the right road and BOOM!I would go over that bump a little too hard. As I look back it was a pretty easy thing to surmise because all the signs and hints were there. I just closed my eyes and turned my back on the truth, but that 13 was always there. Just when I thought I had conquered my demons and I was strong, he’d bring out the “big guns”. Lucifer whispered in my ear, ” You belong to me.. but see what I have for you. It’s not all bad.” Then he’d laugh loudly in my face.
I was so full of myself, I could barely stand being in the room with “me”. My husband Marc was going on and on about where had I been, but it seemed as though he was speaking a foreign language. I looked at him in confusion and walked away. I heard glass shattering as I closed the bathroom door. Sunday morning rolled around and he nudged me, “We have to get ready for church”. I would not present a protest today.
Marc studied my face as I got dressed, I saw him out of the corner of my eye. Meanwhile, I was having flashback moments of Frank and I. He was standing behind me, removing my blouse as we kissed… Then I shook the thought. Marc was glaring at me; it was as though he not only knew what had been going on, but he knew my thoughts from moments ago.
Beautiful, beautiful Frank. The devil himself sent that man to me. He had EVERYTHING I wanted in a man and he seemed to adore me. Just one minor draw back he was as married, as I was, and his wife well she was nothing to sneeze at. She was educated, attractive, plus she had a license and his children. What did Frank see in me? At many points in time when we were together I did not give a damn. When we were laying in bed naked, all I had to do was look at his gorgeous face an all was well. I could tell myself all kinds of lies and give many different excuses. He made me feel as though I counted. Marc didn’t even know what my favorite color was and he had been married to me for all of these 15 years.
Frank and I never talked about our spouses. I would have told him anything he wanted to know, if I thought it would bring me closer to my desired destination, with him. I knew better. Instead we would meet for coffee and talk for hours about work, politics,music, ethics, entertainment, and philosophy. He acted like he could NOT wait to be in my company and it didn’t matter if we were in public or private, he was game.
Alone we’d act like shy high school students about to take our relationship to the next level, but we did not have any pressure. We would sit close to one another on the sofa and watch television documentaries. Never did we come into one another’s presence and exhibit the hunger and desire we clearly had. Our time was borrowed/stolen and then as the expiration closed in on us we became passionate.
“Yes Jesus loves.. me…” I was brought abruptly back. I was sitting in the pew next to Marc, the church was full, yet it seemed I was alone in an auditorium. How was this possible? I was seeing things as though a camera lens had been intentionally distorted and they were fuzzy. Then a saw him; a tall slender dark figure walking toward me. He managed to come and sit right next to me squeezing between myself and Sister Jordan. Sister Jordan was oblivious to this. I looked at him but could not make out the features of his face, but there was a strong scent that accompanied him. It was sulfur-like. A chill came over me. He spoke,” Well Donna how are you enjoying your gift?” He is wonderful to you isn’t he? Everything you always wanted… But then he is married. What to do, what to do? No wait you have already decided.” I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak. I was gasping for air. “Here let me show you something”, he said as he grabbed my face and he waved his hand in front of me. The pulpit was transformed into a screen where I saw Frank and myself in bed. I looked around, guilt was all over my face, but no one saw it except the dark stranger. The dark stranger loudly laughed. He moved close to me and whispered, ” What are you doing here? Do you think your being here will save you?” I was frozen. “But then you don’t want to be saved, you want Frank and you will take him any way you can get him, won’t you? Of course you will”, he said. I was about to protest I was shaking my head “no”, when I realized there was no one there. No one except Marc and he was looking at me curiously.
The 13 errors: not pursuing my dream, dating the wrong guys repeatedly(4 to be exact), having sex with them anyway, marrying Marc, not finishing my education, settling for a job I hated because it paid well, not having children( Marc and I were not happy so there were 2 abortions), having a sexual affair with Perry, and then there was Frank. Yep 13 errors and it took me to#15 before I figured it out. What was worse,15 was ongoing.
Driving home I went over these errors one by one. I kept seeing the dark stranger and going over the encounter, wondering was it real or did I imagine the entire event. I asked why I tried to convince myself that the dark individual was a stranger. I knew him, and I knew exactly what he represented. I once again was only fooling or trying to fool myself.
Then as luck would have it, or perhaps it was a conscious decision; I stopped and really reviewed Perry. Perry, with his wonderful deep voice and his smooth yet endearing manner. I thought about how we met and when he called me at work all the girls swooned because of that same voice, but when they saw him they couldn’t understand why I wasn’t just weak. They just did not know. Perry and I had been down many roads together and I since he was my first I wanted to be special to him. They just didn’t know that each time I heard his voice or saw his face I was a heartbeat away from collapsing at his feet. Every move I made every word I spoke to him was planned out and orchestrated. When I thought I had the upper hand he’d throw me a curve ball… It crossed my mind that he and Frank shared the same birthday but two years apart. Back to my Perry saga because Perry was the catalyst for many of the other mistakes. He broke my heart in every way possible and now after all these years, we were now friends.
What did all of this mean? Marc pulled into the parking structure of our building. He had been silent the whole trip to and from church. Finally he said, ” I need to think and so do you. We will talk when I get back this evening.” Then he raised his finger to point but never looking at me, then shook his head no. I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. I simply got out of the car and Marc sped away. I felt numb. I climbed into the elevator and pushed 6. I was stressed and confused.
The car stopped on the 5th floor but no one got in. I saw a familiar looking man with two small children a girl and a boy, they were walking away from the elevator. The girl turned around and looked back at me, she looked like she could have been related to me. Then the man turned around and it was Marc. How was that possible he just drove away. The doors closed. I feverishly tried to open the doors again but there was nothing I could do. 6 lit up and I ran down the hall heels and all to the stairs. When I got to the 5th floor no one was in the hall. Winded I decided I would climb the stair back to my floor anyway.
I was met at the door with that burning sulfur smell and there he was sitting on my sofa. He was clad in red this time. He turned around and smiled. “Well you made it. Took a little detour did you? I thought you’d like to see those three and especially the little ones”. I was thinking but simultaneously he was saying, “This must be a dream… No Donna it is not a dream, by the standards this would be considered a nightmare or at the very least a bad dream it is 1:13 p.m. hardly night.” I stood there unable to move. “Oh and the brimstone I do for effect I have another scent I truly prefer but that really would scare the .. well lets just say you would have trouble concentrating on what I was saying.” He rubbed the palms of his hands together,” So let’s cut to the chase, you know why I am here. Let me say you have accumulated quite a bit of baggage already. I mean you are NO angel, are you? So here’s the deal. “