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Archive for the tag “relationships”

16 May 2026

You Can’t Even Feel Bad About It

Looking at your phone, the two of you agreed to meet at the appointed time, which is 20 minutes passed already. The waiter has already filled your water glass. You look around and now you are getting slightly uncomfortable. Now you realize why restaurants will not seat you until your entire party arrives. We are going to leave this scene for a bit, but we will come back.

Everyone wants honesty, everyone wants things to be defined. Yet when you get right down to it neither, seems to be further from the truth. I watched a movie called The Invention of Lying; it was funny as well as ironic. Many times, funny and ironic are used interchangeably in this case they both had a place in the film. It explored a world where people said exactly what was on their minds, not to be hurtful, just in an “as-a-matter-of-fact” presentation the TRUTH. Never experiencing life in that fashion it made you think, what would it actually be like if lying was never a consideration or option. Could our society maintain itself in an environment that made people responsible for their actions on the most basic levels.

Dating is about finding a suitable person who can do a number of things. The problem is what things one wants another person to do or be. Will the person be agreeable to those things, can you tell that person exactly what your wants and expectations are, do you actually know? I think the least of the infractions that could occur with these three questions would be the result of do you actually know what you want from another person.

I believe we are under the impression we know what it is that we want from another person, that is until that other person becomes real to us. By that I mean, the ideas and expectations look good on paper. When a person enters into our lives, they are no longer that apparition out in space. This person is right in front of you. This may sound and seem rudimentary but indulge me for just a moment. You never know what you get until you invest a little something, be it time, effort, money. We make purchases of clothing from the rack, until we are able to have our clothing tailor made. We know and expect the same things from items that have very different beginnings and requirements. When the item from the rack falls short, we are not happy, but we take into consideration where the item came from. However, when that tailor made piece does not live up to our expectations, it is “all-out war”. I think this is habitual and we apply these principles to other aspects of our lives, particularly finding a mate.

Back to our scene; do you save face and simply order, throw in the towel and leave, or do you wait a little bit longer. While you ponder these choices this well-groomed individual with fabulous features appears at the table and says your name with a question mark and a smile that light up the room. You fold; you tell yourself whatever is necessary to justify what will happen next AND you can’t even feel bad about it.

Posted in Dating 6.0, The Dating Game 6.0 and tagged , , | Leave a comment
15 May 2026

What’s The Worst That Could Happen?

Have you ever thought about what could go wrong about one thing or another? Do you wonder why those types of thoughts occur to you? Preparation or paranoia, it happens. You see none of us wants to be blindsided. If we do not entertain the possibility that something could go wrong, we could be surprised. When one thinks of surprises the first thought is not of something bad, but indulge me this, a surprise is nothing more than that which you were NOT prepared for. Furthermore, the unprepared for can be good or bad. That fact, in and of itself, makes one look at the idea of a surprise a bit differently.

I try to imagine that which would steer me away from something I think I want. The first thing you have to do is realize what it is within you that has the desire, want, need for this particular person or thing. You have to delve into the why. Why this particular thing, why this particular individual? That answer will serve as a guide to what your mindset is, what is the next move? How long are you willing to continue on a path that you have already invested some time with.

Emotionally speaking, one’s feelings could be hurt. You could end up with a broken heart; you could end up embarrassed and feel shame beyond what you could ever imagine. If we were dealing with something tangible such as a piece of property, a car, etc. the loss will likely be monetary. This too can also bring up and emotional response though we are really not focusing on things. What’s the worst that could happen is of course a matter of perspective. We toss perspective around like a ball, but it is a very important barometer. What we think and feel versus what actually is taking place.

Now we have isolated the “why”. Does it get easier? I think what it gets/becomes is easier to identify because of the characteristics being revealed. That doesn’t necessarily make the thought process, which is laden with fear, any easier. Now we have the person/ event and the why, yet the solution and final result still are in question. We still circle back to perspective; what can happen versus what really does happen. Therefore, the worst that could happen rests in “our hands” so to speak: at least the part that we can control, our actions and reactions.

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28 Apr 2026

Laundry List

In a search to find a compatible mate rather than checking off boxes, my list seems to be getting longer and more complex. I ask myself, “What is it you are trying to accomplish here?” At one point in time I did believe I knew. Now things are getting cloudy. As I go over the list, the feasibility is fading rapidly. The justification for the list and the criteria of it is becoming jaded. What do I do? Realizing the flaws do I continue, because in spite of the flaws and complications, it is useful.

Since I likened this list to the laundry, perhaps that would be a good approach. First, we must separate the items. In first steps the importance must be examined, for without the all-important first, everything else can be compromised. Therefore, this first step MUST be clear and concise. You need to know this process will put you in line for the goal. The goal is ever present and must be in clear sight. It may seem to those outside of self, this list is an ambitious and unreasonable compilation, However, I submit low expectations will undoubtedly yield unsatisfactory results. The details of the list are indelible in my mind. I do not have to write the list down because it is ever-present, when I meet someone even if at random.

What will one accept? What is satisfactory? How do you navigate past settling for? For me adding to the so-called laundry list IS my acceptance that I may NOT find the guy in the “criteria-based outfit” and since that is the case it is a HARD PASS is my choice. That is by-no-means an insult to ones who do not fit, but the fact remains, by my very own standard it will NOT work. No need to waste time and effort. Somewhere in our lives we do have to take what we say at face–value; mean what we say, stand by our convictions. This has to hold true regardless of the outcome not necessarily being positive.

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27 Apr 2026

Looking Up

I feel so fortunate to be a part of the TallTour VIP group. I have to really think about how I happened across this family of fabulously vertical people.

It was early November 2025 I was on my Facebook page and a random reel showed up about a past Tall Tour event. I was curious so I “bit”. I watched and decided I would delve deeper.

I have been noticeably tall since 3rd grade when they (schools and teachers) had kids line up in height order to go to recess, lunch, and P.E. Being a tall girl is far different than it is for a tall boy (unless you are a super tall boy over 6’3″ in my opinion). Growing up I felt like I stood out even when I just did things that were appropriate for my age. I am 5’10” and I reached that height in 6th grade! In our society we attach and make assumptions on looks. If you are a certain size, it is assumed you are older because you could NOT possibly be that tall if you are only this age. Society treats us like we were born the size we eventually reach. So, when my contemporaries were skipping, jumping rope, things a 7- or 8-year-old would do I was looked at as being odd. Random people would say things like, ” You are too big to be doing that”. Also “big” was/is used (and thought) interchangeably with tall. I was in high school before I basically “blended in”. Then the assumptions about sports began.

My experience growing up is of course NOT what everyone experiences. Some may have been better/easier, some may have been more difficult. Perspective is EVERYTHING! However, having the “TallTours” come to be and to be a part of this community is such a positive, as well as a refreshing change. Before I ever physically attended an event each picture or video I saw brought an uncontrollable smile to my face. I read such positivity in the comments. The lights in the eyes of the people at the events told a story. A story I wanted to experience and be a part of.

Though I missed events that were closer to me proximity wise, I was finally able to go to my first one in Atlanta. It was PHENOMINAL!! As a VIP we get early access that, in and of itself, is worth joining at this level. I proudly walked up to the venue in 3.5-inch heels. I love high heels though “high heels” is subjective here. I had the uncontrollable smile as I started to see other people who were eye level and above to me. It felt like a homecoming.

We stood out and fit in all at the same time. It felt incredibly NORMAL and that felt strangely comfortable. As I looked at the people who were NOT a part of this event, it was amusing when they became aware that we were tall and there were a number of us. I chatted with my fellow “giraffes”, but I was taking everything in. I was thinking of what I expected versus what was actually taking place. Remembering literary works that addressed GIANTS, Gulliver’s Travels, The Story of David and Goliath in the Bible. A television series called, “Land of The Giants” and a movie ” Attack of the 50 Foot Woman”… I probably could go on with references but those were the ones that came to mind immediately and I snickered to myself.

Inside there was more of the same vibe. However, as we came into more exclusive surroundings we spread our wings of sorts. Moving about freely. We were approachable and accommodating. There were hugs and photos being taken all around. There was a sense of pride, and I must say some of the best-looking folks in such a space I had ever seen. Beautiful inside and out was very apparent. The energy was boundless.

I have two events under my belt and look forward to more; or should I say, “Looking forward to Looking Up”.

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26 Apr 2026

I Just Sat Down and Cried

Media is all over our lives. Everyone has a page or a profile on one platform or another maybe several. The point here is there are plenty of places to see what is happening around you with family, friends, associates, and strangers.

Times gets away from us in our busy lives. The calendar year may have twelve months, but I find myself gaging it by things that make sense to me in my world. My family member’s birthdays mark seasons, and seasons determine how quickly my year will go by. This was altered several years ago. The losses mounted and with each loss my center was changed. My life was virtually unrecognizable especially and perhaps exclusively to me.

The days turn into weeks, month, years, etc. It has been a decade since this tumultuous journey I am on began. Yet it still feels like the day it all began. I can still smell the fragrances in the air, hear the sounds and experience the pain. Sometimes I look at people who have had similar experiences, they appear to be better than I am as far as coping is concerned. I remind myself I only see what they allow me to see. I realize that there are many people who do not know me well, are not aware of what I have gone through and what I feel daily. On the surface I appear somewhat normal just as the others I spoke of do to me.

On a daily basis we go through the motions, and we manage to successfully do what is needed. The fresh psychological wounds are calm, at least on the surface. Like looking away as your doctor gave you an injection when you were a child; the pain was not as bad because you were surprised by it. We have grown slightly accustomed to them, we know they are with us and we function anyway.

A few days ago, as I scrolled through my social media accounts, reading posts, checking emails a series of older photos came up. I love photos, everyone’s photos, I quite naturally started looking through these pictures. They were of family vacations, graduations, and holidays several years ago. Years that my family was intact. I was not consciously thinking about how my life had been ripped apart. I was focused on the smiles and how clearly, I could hear the voices. My memory was transporting me to these places, spaces, and time periods without me being aware. Then it started happening, the faces awakened my awareness that these precious people of my life were no longer here with me. They no longer shared my time, space, and life in a manner that I could physically touch them, but I felt them. I felt their very being, their souls. I felt the losses all over again, I felt empty and drained. I got up from the spot I was occupying in a trancelike state. I walked over to my window and looked out for a few seconds, then I just sat down and cried.

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26 Apr 2026

And I Love Him…

Basking in the residue of time spent with him“; my body and mind tell me what I resist admitting. I AM a romantic and I LOVE “LOVE “. He simply is the personification of it. Therefore, when I feel the need to not just show him, but to say this it takes all that is within me to take hold of myself and STOP. STOP before disaster strikes. STOP, before I turn over my soul, my very being to one who clearly does not care about me in a significant way.

This is “middle school“. There he is. You see him navigating down the crowded hall between classes trying to arrive at his destination on time. You must do the same, but you chance being late to catch that glimpse of him. WHY would you do that? WHY would you risk YOUR wellbeing for a brief look at one who doesn’t even see you or know you exist?

40 years later you are back where you started. You see you developed a pattern, way back when you were developing. When you were becoming who you were going to be, you interrupted that personal growth for someone else. It felt good, it felt nice to temporarily be distracted from your own reality to become emersed in what was oh-so-pleasant. Then it ended or did it…

Life plays tricks on us; what seems like and ending can often times be a pause, what seems like love is merely a game or an ego trip (that door swings both ways). We find ourselves in the middle of the turmoil and confusion charged with the job of translating. Translating can be quite daunting, especially when you do not speak the “language“. Ill-equipped we push forward anyway with results that are often, at best, random.

For some reason that boy from “middle school” has once again invaded your life. Circumstances and sad coincidence put the two of you in the same place. The memories, of what was versus what ACTUALLY was, have blurred lines. It seems different, he seems different (4 decades tend to bring about changes). However, no different than before YOU see what YOU want to see, what YOU need to see in order for this thing that IS happening again make sense. What will stop YOU, who will tap YOU on the shoulder? It will invariably be him and your subconscious; these two elements are quite familiar with one another. “They” recognized this disaster from the very start, and “they” recognize this same energy now. Therefore, all YOU have to do is select the “correct door”. The door that will lead to what YOU want and what is best for YOU. They should be the same. They are not and against your better judgement YOU do what YOU did before, your excuse/explanation is it will be right this time …and I love him.

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25 Apr 2026

Just Like The Rats?

Several years ago…ok a couple of decades ago I read a piece about how rats respond to their environment. I was quite surprised by the finding. I had always thought of the little creatures as filthy, diseased, vermin. They incited a feeling of disgust and avoidance. This study, however, was suggesting that these rodents are products of their environment. It suggested that if the environment were to be changed so would the behavior of these animals.

I live in a senior complex (55 years old and above permitted). I expected that there should be peace, serenity, comfort and cleanliness. Much to my surprise, there were shortcomings. Retirement in a small city has afforded me a bit of flexibility. Flexibility with my time at first was barely noticed, but now I find myself going through the motions as though I actually have a plan or schedule to keep. When I depart from that delusional behavior, I put myself in a state that gives me gratification in doing something productive. For example, I see areas of concern that affects all of the residents, I promptly report these shortcomings. As you might imagine this is often met with mixed reactions.

Enter the perceived “rat-like” behavior. 80 units is not a very large complex, my expectations are high, perhaps very high. Some of my neighbors, while appreciative of having such a place to live in, tend to disregard others who live here. Not a great deal of loud music, this is sort of surprising because as we age and our individual functions break down. What we have an abundance of is mindless littering, because there are more than one or two individuals residing in a controlled contained area. The overlapping fosters an environment where my dirt can and will overlap yours, even if I am inconsiderate of the fact I am not the only one who occupies the area. This is especially true of common areas. Spills on the floors, papers discarded by merely abandoning them wherever one decides to leave them, hand and fingermarks on walls, elevators, and glass doors; these infractions while unsightly not cause for extreme concern (except when have a former cleaning business owner that is a basic clean freak). The thing(s) that disturb and concern someone like me are matters of health and hygiene in addition to the aesthetic. Our cleaning crew is inadequate by my standards (one lone woman who has 3 levels to clean). She misses a lot. When I get in the elevators (which I try not to) and I see where someone who undoubtedly lives here has blown their nose and utilized the wall for a tissue I am both angered and disgusted. I think, ” They are vermin”. Truth is they are worse.

When then overcrowding happened with the rats there was filth, disease, and rampant discord (fighting, some so violent death occurred). Now perhaps this is an oversimplified, even extreme version of society examined from a tiny cross-section (my complex). Yet all one has to do is see the similar pattern. My complex is not overcrowded; it is mismanaged and understaffed. Few residents care; they are happy to be housed. It is sad that we as seniors feel lucky to have the minimum requirements for life. However, that does not excuse or exclude “us” from behavior that has NOTHING to do with our particular stage of life. I venture to say when these individuals were younger, the same nasty habits exhibited were a part of who they were then, and this is merely a continuation of bad habits acquired earlier in life. Once again, the rats are still better disciplined and or behaved than people. The rats are responding to environment and circumstance, that is very different from making conscious decisions or choices.

My simple solution would be simply move. I certainly have tried to organize to give my neighbors a sense of pride and responsibility. I actually have done some of the cleaning myself. Perhaps they think I am crazy and disregard my words as the ramblings of a mad woman trying to make them do work at this late stage of life, when all they want to do is sleep, eat, and rock on the porch. In that instance they are exactly like the rats, stuck with no place to go and this is their way of dealing with it.

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05 Apr 2026

For The Benefit of Your Company

I listen to the stories. I read articles about how difficult and distant we are with one another when it comes to dating. I honestly don’t believe that dating can be defined by most of the standards we, baby boomers grew up with. This is a precarious situation to be in because many of us are in the status that requires us to date. Note; if you are satisfied with your status, of course this does not apply to you. I hate that I feel the need to interact/include individuals that I am not necessarily addressing.

I will be general and basic. What do you want in dating? What do you hope to accomplish? Are you being honest with yourself and the possible companion? Dating used to be so easy when we were teens/young adults. Now we need background checks, medical records and credit reports. Again, depending on what you want.

I tell myself and others, “Whatever it is you are wanting there is someone who can fit or work for you”. Alterations may have to be made but ultimately as resourceful humans this is NOT an impossible task. However, I know more unhappy, unfulfilled, lonesome people than I care to. They are smart, financially stable, emotionally available, attractive or any combination of these characteristics. Men say women are users, women say men are children who want their way. Again general, basic, and oversimplified. Yet it does cover a good cross section of our “eligible daters” category.

We have a perceived sense of time and availability working against us. These are great hardships to overcome. However, say for the sake of argument, we get past those two factors smoothly sailing on our way to bliss and suddenly we find ourselves ” run aground and shipwrecked”! We ask, ” How did we end up here?” Afterall, we made a good choice, we screened this person very thoroughly… what was missed. I think we should start with truth. How honest were we? Honesty with the other individual. Honesty about expectations. Honesty with self. I believe without this basic taken care of, our relationships are built like a house of cards and ultimately, they WILL fail.

As I look back on my trek in the dating world, I realize my journey has taken quite a few twists and turns. I also realize that I had a great deal of self-discovery to uncover. I did not plan on being here, but I am here just the same. I navigated the best way I could, I did not mean to go down certain roads, but I found myself there anyway. Ideally, we should come to this table with a clean slate. Not saying that we have not had any experiences, but we have exorcized the demons of previous relationships, and we are willing to venture out with pure intentions. Yeah, I am a hopeless romantic

Truth is you can do everything right and still end up in the same place as an individual who does everything wrong, for all the wrong reasons. Now you ask yourself, why bother, what is the purpose? My answer is as follows: for intelligent conversations, for belly laughs, for the warmth of an embrace, for the sweetness of passionate kisses, in short for the benefit of your company.

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30 Mar 2026

Tuck Tail and Run

What was I thinking. I sat and listened to him go on and on about himself. I was fascinated because I did not believe he was real. I enjoy challenges but I had decided he was self-absorbed… that was until he told me he liked me. Now who was self-absorbed? We carried on for more than three years. As fabulous as I thought he was I had to admit /realize (once again…) I crave this kind of man.
There was NOTHING special about me. The only thing that would make me special to him would be if HE thought I was special… and merely saying it would not mean it was so.

Why didn’t I just wash my hands of him? I could see the signs of danger. I wanted to believe he cared about me. I wanted to think I could have that type “love” of such a man again. 

I talked to myself; I said” You may be special, but he has had special women on so many other levels. Women who were prettier, smarter, more educated, more accomplished, in better financial positions. Still, he was single and unattached. WTF would make me compare. I was not going to put any more into him than I already had. I tested fate on the regular… needed to be sure. I wanted to know what I needed to know but NOT get hurt. So, I moved closer and closer to the flame.

He was smart, he was cautious with me, but he read people and he knew women. He would only get so close, then he’d retreat in order to see if I would take the bait and follow. Instead, I would acknowledge the bait but not take it. I believed he would grow angry, get bored, or move on. He did none of those things. I realized he was calculating (and math is NOT my forte). Therefore, I entertained the idea he kept dealing with me because he cared or I was a challenge. I knew one thing, because I did care about him and admired his very being, I needed to be extra cautious. That “flame” was bright and hypnotic. It would burn me. Then I would have to live with the fact I already KNEW this could/would happen.

Why do we NOT realize/acknowledge the power an individual can have over us? Why do we succumb to the unknown? Is it arrogance, ignorance, or weakness. Yet I stand in this presence ready to proceed, when I know what I really should do is “tuck tail and run “.

Posted in The Dating Game 6.0 and tagged , | Leave a comment
25 Nov 2025

I Wanna Be Where You Are

There it is in the title a short synopsis of belonging, but it is wide open and vague.

I recently joined a group I found to be exciting and befitting for me. I l immediately was drawn to it because of the name. The name suggested even more that this was a group I not only wanted to be a part of, I needed to be a part of. They exemplified “my tribe“. Therefore, I joined. There were a couple of things required of new members and I had what was needed… I submitted the info and I was accepted.

I smiled rather smugly because I felt accomplished and victorious. I scrolled around my group. I looked at photos read profiles and introductions. Then it happened. I came across an individual who did not meet with the standards I read. I did not acknowledge this individual but observed the responses of others. After all I was new, perhaps I had missed something. I refrained from contacting the administrators at first but did eventually pose the question, “Why is this person here?” However, it was more of a statement than a question because the group was majority against this individual’s presence than for it. Before I could get a reply, here comes another and another. Soon I am reading things like, “Why is this literally the only thing this group talks about?” I am not asking that question because it is predominately being asked by people who do not fit the criterion. I had another question.

Why do you want to be someplace or among individuals who do not want you there? That sounds harsh, it is not, it is factual. I thought of a number of scenarios where I felt I was going down the rabbit hole with discrimination screamed at me, but that was extreme. However, I still had to at the very least glance at it. What if I were at the helm and a case were brought before me? Could I really justify an injustice with the basic question…Why do you want to be where you are NOT wanted? However, this is NOT about justice itis about exclusivity and the right to exclusivity has oftentimes been used or misused for the sake of injustice.

In our instant gratification society, we really do not have time to read and thoroughly examine what we think we are getting into. Many of us skim and scan through contracts, articles, stories. We grab a hold of what gets OUR attention, call it the main idea and we are “off to the races”. The trouble/danger in this practice is what if we miss something and what do we do when/if this occurs?

My group caught my attention with one word… A word I have heard all of my life. I took it and RAN! The word TALL. All I needed to see was that word, all I needed to do was skim and scan because at 5’10” I KNEW I fit the bill. Nearly every important, significant, phenomenal female friend/relative was/is shorter than I am. This did not bother me in an overt sense. When I did take a closer look as I suspected, I was right. The snobbery and arrogance took over. Is that shocking? The abused oftentimes become the abusers. Plus being a TALL as a woman is viewed quite differently than it is being a TALL as a man. Stature scrutiny versus stature status.

Now I am looking at posts deciding which ones I would or would not respond to and this WAS based on what I determined to be what the rules were AND how I interpreted what I read. Before I wanted to publicly address this, I wanted to have facts, information, and YES ammunition. If I am honest, I wanted the criteria to keep our group exclusive. I wanted to enjoy us without being inundated with folks that aren’t a part of our tribe. Yet the very thing that kept me from posting comments without research was the same thing that made me reexamine what I saw/interpreted/read. The founder put verbiage in the group that states what the standards for height and admission is, but the caveat is “all are welcome“.

Therefore, one must ask oneself; do you want to be a part of a group you thought was exclusive, had positives, things you were looking for, or do you want to exit it, as you would have had the ones YOU thought did not belong should. If I had my way, prior to closely reading what was being expressed by the group’s founder, many who are near and dear to my heart could not attend functions that my group might be hosting. Was that really what I wanted? The group founder says, “all are welcome”… I’m still here.

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