Dear Anger
With your bad disposition and bad timing, I find myself STILL in your company. You represent yet another aspect of life, the life of which we have little to no control over. I have to look at how you have changed throughout my life. Once identified and characterized by outbursts and sour faces, you now know how to disguise yourself. You lurk in corners of my psyche. I have gotten so used to you being around I rarely acknowledge you. However, in my subconscious you wreak havoc. Most of the time you sit silently, you wait to come out. When you do appear, it is a sudden jolt of lightening. You are powerful and overwhelming. You sear what feels like the very life from one’s body. Once you have done that you move outward.
In your grips logic is bypassed. Small things become huge and every aspect of life is a confrontation. You fight, grab and claw your way out of me. You then drag me along on your path of destruction. The road being repaired is so heat filled I can barely get through the traffic without questioning the sanity of whomever decided NOW was the time to fix it. When I reach my destination, I park away from everyone with intention, I do not want to talk or even engage with anyone. For even in this maddening state alongside/accompanied by you I realize any contact necessary or not could prove confrontational. I know that YOU will not be the image that sticks with the unfortunate souls who have the misfortune of being in my orbit at this time. All they will recall is the scowl and rage on MY face. They will not think anger is guiding her, they will think SHE is just so angry. They will not see you as the manifestation of the grief journey I am on. It will be simplified to just me.
Dear Anger when will you be an occasional visitor rather than a resident in my soul. I do not fool myself into believing that you will depart from me forever, but I so want to be able to exist, and you NOT be such an impactful part of my very being. Fleeting instead of familiar, you rise within me almost to the surface where you could be expelled, you churn and swirl around for what seems to be an eternity. The pressure of your force is unbearable and then you begin to withdraw. The intensity seems to lessen. You have not departed you have merely changed direction. You have no real course intended; your only intention is to do the same things you have been doing, exerting yourself to let me know I am not in control of you. Then I am made aware that I need to be.
hafacenturyncounting 