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Archive for the category “Quickbits”

Lost In The Magic Of The Moment

Glancing out of the corner of my eye I saw the commercial for Lucky Charms cereal and the special edition for St. Patrick’s Day which would turn your milk green Smiling I recalled some of the things that got me excited as a child. The simple things that seemed so very important at that time. I fast forwarded to when my boys were little, and how we as parents were able to provide them with the excitement and joy which took them over the moon from the aisles of the local chain toy store. Furthermore, that same feeling being recreated for my grandchildren. And while the local chain toy store has gone by the wayside, the memories are fresh. Realizing, of course, many of these sources of joy were merely gimmicks devised by the marketing geniuses of their particular time did NOT take away that drawing power, at least not for the smallest consumers.

No one paid attention to the chemicals that we ingested to make our food turn a particular color, except some up-and-coming account manager that happened to notice this byproduct as his own kids ate this same cereal. No one cared that the poorly made plastic toys which sold for pennies were health hazards. All that was known or cared about, at the time was it was entertaining and it made us feel good. Now in our complicated lives where many are beginning to enjoy times that do not include work as we traditionally knew, we are also searching for something/anything that will occupy our time, slightly challenge our minds, and bring us some of the joy life has to offer. Our momentary magic…slightly outside our grasps yet clearly in sight..

Wise and/or Comforting

In the blink of an eye, it happens. The shock and disbelief overwhelm you. No matter how many times before or how many after that this happens, you are NEVER really ready.

You hear the anguish in the one YOU are close to as it is felt. It resonates within your very being and you know how very helpless you are. You can only listen and offer your availability, somehow that seems so trite and insignificant. You want to do something, but you also have to be aware that you could inadvertently say something stupid in your effort to help. You recognize there is no real help that we mortals can actually provide. So you sit silently; if they are in your physical presence take their hand and hold it, hold them if they will allow you to. If you are not with them in person, bond with them in any spiritual fashion that is available. Pray. There are no answers or replies that will help at this point. Just be there. We MUST be there for one another. No man knows the hour… One day someone will have to be there for you, it is likely someone already has been there. Take note of our being so interconnected. Help the one in need to simply…breathe

Tryin To Forget You Were Just A Waste Of Time

Is that true? Is it that simple? I do not agree. You can analyze and document your time as though relationships are on-the-clock. Yet in the end it is simply humans trying to explain away one more thing we do not understand.

Indigenous people, the ancient Romans and Greeks utilized stories of these amazing super powerful all knowing beings to justify claps of thunder or lack of water. Sometimes life became so enthralling that these superior individuals graced mere mortals with their passion and love. In the end the differences were too vast, the goals were too unattainable, the payoff was just out of reach. The mortal was left in a shambles, the gods returned to their intended place only slightly scathed, and the world though disrupted managed to continue.

When is time wasted? If the outcome is not what you wanted does NOT constitute a waste, rather it is just an outcome you would have preferred to be different. Consider this, suppose you did have it YOUR way but in the end it still was not what you wanted or expected..still think a waste of time? No… take a second look. Things pan-out appropriately for the time. To your liking or disliking, but it is not a waste of time. Don’t try to forget it, that would be a disservice.

I Just Forgot To Swallow

Okay how much more insane can I be before I need 24 hour care? I sat there in front of the computer, and tried to do what was the right thing and take in my designated amount of water. Suddenly it was all over me, the desk, but fortunately not the computer.

I looked around for the culprit who had showered me with water from MY water bottle, which was securely in MY hand. There was no one. Still I was in disbelief. I was drenched and pretty-much gasping for breath. Suddenly it was clear what had just happened. I remembered unscrewing the top, I recalled putting the bottle to my mouth..then everything went wrong. The water was in my mouth pouring down my throat but something was not operating as it should be. It plunged down my throat in managed to go everywhere it should not go and completely avoid my esophagus.

If you have ever strangled you can imagine the panic I was stricken with for seconds that seemed to go on forever. Finally, I contained myself, and began to breathe normally. I wanted to ACTUALLY take a sip of water, but was reluctant. I wondered for a split second if I knew what to do with it now. I did what my granddaughter would say, faced my fear. I managed to do it right this time. I laughingly think about how that event happened and realized we can never take anything for granted.

Remembering How To Feel

Loss is such an all encompassing experience. Your mind, body and soul are affected and they are affected completely. Having to deal with multiple loss in a relatively short period of time, one can grow numb. Your entire being can shut down and simply wander aimlessly through this process called LIFE.

One finds out the vicious truth- LIFE GOES ON; and if allowed your very being WILL, through assorted coping mechanisms, continue as well. To outsiders you will seem to be amazing and strong, when what you are in reality is someone who has simply succumbed to that which is out of your control. Left with no choices you chose the inevitable.

As time goes by, just like breathing or your heart beating, you find yourself once again navigating. However, you are forever changed. You may look slightly different; new lines on your face may identify places of some internal hurt, or the light in your eyes may appear dull and muted. While one may not be physically cowering in some lonely dark corner, mentally that very same corner may be a safe place.

In your effort to survive the pain you must somehow allow yourself back to a place that may remind you there is hurt ahead. It is a scary journey..coming back to the familiar and still occupying the sense of being lost. Your comfort now has a companion it keeps by it’s side always visible, always present. As you slowly remove the  protective coating you have to remember how and what it is like to feel again.

Mountain Top

I made my commitment to climb this summit in an effort to further my healing. I found and unexpected companion in my BFFA (best friend for always). Honestly I did not want to climb alone, I just did not know who I would suggest the idea to or ask. The best thing was I did not even have to ask her. Once again I was put in a spot of amazement, in awe of the special people who ARE in my life. People who just KNOW what you need and provide it to you without a second thought.

Note I said people and NOT a person. Let me tell you I was LOST a very few short months ago, I got the call and all that was said,” I’ll be there at 11:15, tell Carlton to come pick me up at the airport.” All I could say, the only word I could choke out of my mouth was, “Okay”.

BFF,BFFA, SisterFriend(s), family, friends….They boarded planes, they sent flowers, money, food, letters and gave support that I cannot begin to describe. When I reach the summit and release the balloons for my dear child THEY will all be there with me, in my thoughts. They will feel my love floating into their hearts from mine. I could have never made it without each and every one of them. I have to say God( although I am having a challenging time with Him) knew this and He made sure they were with me, one way or another.

!5 months after I began this piece I actually climbed Stone Mountain. My eldest son, his wife, her mom, my”daughter”, my granddaughter, grandson all came with me. We took the balloons. It was a clear perfect day after a week of off and on rain.  I cried as I wrote Jay’s name o the balloons, I let his only niece release them and we watched as they floated upward.

It was the right thing to do for me. It felt good, no matter how short-lived that feeling was. I know the lost feeling that loss leaves you with is forever a part of you. You must fight to rise above it, but some times, some days you really just don’t want to fight. Those are the day, those are the times you have to metaphorically climb to that “mountain top”, just for YOU.

LOSS-Vilomah

“As the gray-haired should NOT bury those with black-hair”

During your life have you ever done something you really did not want to do? I already know the answer. Be it apologize for something you really did not feel you did wrong, or have a meal with someone you really didn’t like; something inside of you  or outward conditions put you in that spot. You were left with an option though, even if/ even considering the consequences and/or outcome.

I wish I could write things are better, things are getting easier but I cannot.  A few short months into this HORROR I have learned many things, and many are NOT what you would call good. However, they are sources of knowledge and what is knowledge if not shared.

VILOMAH.  It is a word of the Sanskirt language as is the word widow. Translated  VILOMAH means against natural order…  VILOMAH describes what is now my life. VILOMAH speaks a different language that most of the time, only the unfortunate members of this tribe understand. A simple question,” Are you better?”no longer has a one or two word response. Feelings and emotions(happy;smiles) which are already faceted and complex, reach an entirely different level. ALL life will change, but my life has already changed into something I did NOT  want, I did NOT imagine, and I CANNOT escape. However, I now know my new role has a name. With that name came a great deal of sense and understanding. My change will never change. The widow can remarry, the orphan can be adopted. My status, my identity shall always be for all my days, VILOMAH.  I am not merely VILOMAH, I am other things as well. Yet by fate, by chance, by divine plan; I must “embrace” VILOMAH,  for it IS a part of me and I have no choice.

Laugh, Dream, LIVE

My goodness, seemingly every other day you are buying a lottery ticket. My eyes role upwards to indicate my sarcasm and disdain. I shake my head in disapproval and disbelief, but it is your money. Vacationing in the Swiss Alps, I say are you kidding me, nuthin up there for me.  Precisely!

As we venture deeper into this half-century mark and beyond, the changes become more and more evident, we are NOT like those who explored life in this era before us. We are not even like our old selves. Change no matter how we resist it, comes. We shall be Sexagenarians before we know it, and if we are fortunate.

Try not to focus on the negative, mind you this is not an infomercial or plug for positive thinking. I am NOT qualified, I can only tell you what I have seen and lived in first person. Others have unique experiences and perhaps those experience may make them ascribe to the positive-thinking philosophy. I only say that being negative or critical or suspect only gives you a perspective that matches your mood. If you do NOT do something to counteract this you will be swept into the whirlpool of the “downers”. No one wants to be a part of that community.

To the travelers, mountain climbers, and surfers; I say do these things and get your fill! To the players of games, sports, or chance;  I say do you someone IS going to win! I still scream with excitement as I ride my favorite roller-coasters. I am charmed by my little acrobat as she finds some other reason to be soaring towards the atmosphere.

LAUGH because it is good for you and those around you, DREAM because “dreaming is a form of planning” and LIVE your lives accordingly.

Reciprocate Whenever Possible

One of my wise dear friends once told me,” People will not always give you what you give them”.  Sometimes we get disappointed by the people who are in our lives. Family and friends not quite living up to your expectation, disregarding or taking advantage of you. I think we all can be a bit unreasonable and demanding. Our high expectations that are preceded by unspoken requirements lead to such disappointments. Then we are upset when these people we love and care about don’t do what we think they should. Our feeling of, “it’s only natural/or naturally” is unreasonable many times. You have to give folks the benefit of the doubt.

While you don’t want to have to constantly TELL individuals exactly what is on your mind, you also don’t want to instantly deduce them overlooking something is mean-spirited or insensitive. As members of the human race we are afforded a couple of flubs..daily. We have  to remind ourselves that maybe we make someone we love and care about feel the exact same way we are feeling in the now. It may NOT be the same loved one you are feeling neglected by either.

All of us have to do things, say things, fix things for one another. Know that those constant, regular payouts may never be reciprocated in volume or intensity.  Take slow deep breaths, give yourself a chance to gather up your feelings and regroup. As you give yourself a chance to look at your particular situation, yield to the issue you are dealing with knowing this does not mean the individual on the other side has emotions that are any less heartfelt.

Do Over

Ah yet another racist comment ends the career of another high profile being. This time it’s good-ole John Schnatter of “Papa John’s Pizza”. Wow this guy as with most of the others who got caught with their”pants down” , demonstrates what an apologetic burglar or murderer exhibits after their conviction..SORRY, SO SORRY; THEY GOT CAUGHT! When is this country going to learn that just because you can does NOT mean you should?

45, the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, fosters hate, deceit, and anger. The saddest part about that is, others who do not buy into his philosophies or practices are still subjected to them.  You lie, you are proven to be a liar and you deny or ignore. You say or do insensitive things, then you ask to be forgiven or overlook that bad thing I got caught saying or doing because it does not reflect how I really feel, who I really am…

How about this;

DON’T SAY OR DO THESE UGLY THINGS and then you don’t have to have vicious TRUTHS thrown in your face!

In adult world, there are no “do-overs” if there were I think many of us would be in that line for one reason or another. I love the 1970’s because we as a society had a “happy face” shown to us daily and it did not take long for us to embrace that sunny yellow smile. We were pleasant to one another(or we tried to be) , it was not looked down on because you cared how someone else felt. Today we have an orange frown shoved in our faces and we are seeing the damage it can do/is doing. We, who do NOT abide by the new standard 45 and his administration demonstrate, MUST fight and fight hard so it is a known fact we will NOT tolerate, INTOLERANCE. These types MUST be made to know, their ugliness is more of the exception than the rule.

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