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Archive for the category “Quickbits”

VENOM

I have not felt so much hatred as I do in these days. It is infecting and the affects are everywhere. I worry about the innocents. We, old sullen beings can battle it out, but what of the babies? My heart is racing as that thought occurs. I want to be positive, but that is not going to be easy. There is a negative fog looming, but no one wants to budge. The first one who does shows weakness, vulnerability..I get that but what seems to be escaping us all is, we are all weak and vulnerable.

What I see happening is we are all having to think again. In our technologically advanced life we have these gadget to think for us under the guise of making things easier and moving faster. What we have ignored or failed to realize is, our capacity to think is diminishing with every keystroke. Those once passing thoughts become a permanent mark, a point of reference that can and will come back to haunt us, lest we hit the delete button as fast as we share. Mean-spirited, hurtful talk, bullying are difficult to challenge in the “trenches”, when the so-called leader(s) of this nation practice the behavior readily.

The venom is everywhere. Since”truth” has become a questionable concept, and lies have been redefined in a manner that makes them seemingly acceptable, at the very least excusable; the venom has a place to grow and thrive. there is a simple solution. Cut off that “snakes head”. Do not accept this distasteful, undesirable talk. Inaccurate, unreliable statements should be called by their correct name; LIES! Remember when LIES were bad things? Now they are simply vehicles to buy time until you have an excuse for whatever the lie is about. You are called a liar (in a tactful way), and then we move on and seemingly forward. Without any ramifications or repercussions other that YOU being called a liar, what is next? Now that liar is an abstract thought, how valuable is truth?

Contracts are meaningless, promises are just things to say…where is our protection. Think about it. “Truth in lending”, your child’s education, a job you contracted for, attorney client privilege, doctor/ patient relationships ALL can potentially be put under fire. Until then we are forced to navigate carefully, hopefully avoiding the venom but anxiously awaiting the anti-venom’s arrival.

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And That Feels Good

Ahh..the sign of relief, the taking in of a deep breath. What a feeling! Meeting my daily walk challenge is satisfying, but a quick sprint is phenomenal. The distant grandchild who is finally coming around; there has always been love, but the way your heart fills when you are told YOU were the subject of her “show and tell” presentation about Why “this”is special. Reconnecting with friends from the past, you can never go back but being among folks who can bear witness to that time, makes that time come alive in you again.

Right now there is a need for something to give you comfort. Perhaps a hug or a movie that makes you laugh and cry… As I held the huge padded notebook that contained legal documents, I began to cry. I felt the tears well, I felt the ache in my chest and the lump in my throat rose and began to choke me. The silent wails were a millisecond away.  There I was cowering in my closet alone. I let go and then I rapidly reeled the feelings back in. I was surprised as I discovered, while I clutched that notebook, I felt comfort and I had missed that so much. I had spent the last year running from the fact, that I forgot how good that comfort felt.

LaLaLa…

I really did not want to think there was any feeling left. Yet a year almost to the day I told myself, “no more EVER”, a simple poke made my day. Emotionless at first,  then I felt rather smug and though I did not even respond, out of the blue I was able to relive our encounters. YIKES!

You truly “don’t miss the water till the well runs dry.” So he thinks about me, so what. It is a big deal, it was a big deal. I can still smell the cologne mixed with his pheromones , his well manicured hands, his beard (and I don’t even like beards) his soft intelligent speaking voice, his beautiful teeth, his eyes as he watched me walk, towards or away from him.

There’s a song, you may have heard it before,”LaLaLa Means I Love You” Well not anymore, but Once-Upon-A-Time….

Do you ever think of love(s) of your past? I don’t see anything wrong with it. As we creep closer and closer to the process of slowing down to an inevitable stop, we must do things that keep us aware of the fact that we were not always who we currently are.  Throughout our time the reaction to that fact will bring mixed feelings, but the flings and relationships of the past seem to have an electric energy. Powered by positive or negative emotions, they are invigorating  just the same.

I recall his face when I left him at the alter, The day I found out she was married, We had the best time at the prom, He handed me a dandelion by the lake.. You can add your own, but you know these times existed and they affected you.

Still Explaining Himself

Okay, our President was in Britain this past week.The Mayor of London, THE MAYOR remember this, criticized OUR President for something he is so obviously ill equipped to address, beyond personal opinion. Britain’s possible departure from The            European Union. This “mayor” suggested that President Obama should not be urging Britain to stay in the EU because (and I am paraphrasing here people) he removed a bust from The Oval Office. Wow. That makes perfect sense for a “National Enquirer, tabloid style remark. He went on to suggest The President being part Kenyan makes his dislike for Britain clear. Our President once again demonstrated why He is The President and the likes of Mayor Boris Johnson is NOT!  Take time to view The Presidents remarks regarding the Churchill bust.Winston Churchill’s very own grandson stated Boris’ remarks were inappropriate.   Once again racism knows no bounds. When challenged or even if it is just a simple opportunity to TRY to be relevant the small minds of racist jump at a chance to be seen. Too bad “The London Fog” could not mask it’s mayor’s  narrow mindedness and stupidity.

And You Appear To Be Normal

I think one of the more challenging things about having a loved one with dementia        ( trust me there are a host of them) is their appearance.  We are so arrogant in what we deem to be basic knowledge;  when a condition or disease or situation presents itself to you and when you are personally involved, the logic flies out the window. You reach for anything that will help you feel better, because you are hurting. You are hurting when you don’t even know it. One day you will , and chances are it will come crashing down on you.

I was scanning through some very recent pictures of my mom, and while she did not look great she did not look like the person she is now.  She has help with personal things like dressing and hygiene. Little things like combing her once beautiful hair, has to be assisted or she will INSIST, her hair looks fine.

I am not dealing with it realistically, I can escape reality because I am not right there. However, when I am there physically, I am still not where I should be. I am putting on a strong face, because when I think about what is happening, when I allow myself to  accept my mom is not going to get better, it makes me so very sad and I weep. I cannot allow myself to sink into that place, because the business of life must go on.  I am grateful she is not deathly ill in a hospital. I do question quality of life matters. She is able to stay in her home with the help of my younger brother. You must understand there is so much more going on though.

Therefore, fair warning and a reminder “Things are not always what they appear to be.”

Short Time and Small Talk

When you are blessed with a  true friend, you’d better recognize what a treasure you have. Not trying to fill this blog with metaphors, but they are sometimes just appropriate. It had been a bit since we just had a simple conversation; not about the tragedies or disasters going on in each of our lives, no talk of turmoil at work. We have gotten to a point where we expect to leave a message rather than talk to one another and when we do hear a voice that is the first  thing we say,” I didn’t expect you to pick up.” Just another example of how life passes you by so rapidly and you look around and you wonder where time has gone.

It was good talking to my friend, it was good  just hearing her voice. When we hung up it felt a sigh of relief and my mind traveled back to another time, but I was still able to realize where I was/ we were and how very far we have come. I also was able to come to terms with the fact if you don’t make time to visit your happy places, you can easily forget where they are or that they even exist.

April Showers, April Rains

I woke to precipitation this morning, but it is not odd for April 2016. It has been a seemingly wet month.   There has been a lot of loss; loss that is close to me, loss that affects me at a distance, they are all significant and profound. This April has been wet with rain and wet with tears. The rain washes away the residue and quenches the dry soil, preparing for growth. The tears while expressing sorrow, give way to a clearer understanding and time for reflection. The month is nearly gone and as I think of the little rhyme of my childhood “April Showers Bring May Flowers”, I beckon to the universe bring on the flowers.

 

HARRIET

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer.”Harriet Tubman

Before it starts let me say I DO NOT CARE WHAT THE”HATERS” will say, and I will not allow for it to tarnish the historical event. I’ll take mine in ALL twenties, THANK YOU!

America is slow to come around, I may never live to see her completely come to terms with her racist, discriminatory past, but she is seemingly trying. One monetary note, one holiday.. now we can at least say “she” recognizes people of color, decedents of a people brought here without their consent. who were used, abused, and killed did not suffer in vain and they did contribute to the GREATNESS of OUR Nation.

NEVER FORGET!

Racing To November

Rushing through these months. Every day politics, politics and more politics. I think what bothers me more than anything is that I am coming a face to face with the fact I know NOTHING about the political process in this country.
Through misinformation or misunderstanding, what I thought to be true is false or it has an addendum.

Transparency is non-existent. One could easily fall into feeling like “It is pointless, why bother?” However, we cannot give up. It is up to US to fix this “structure” that we have been told stands and operates a certain way.

We need to understand and repair what is broken, in order to return to the business at hand in our lives. We should not have to wonder if we are successful in putting an individual in office who said they stood for what we liked or thought, once in the position will unmask and go the other direction. If that happens we should have a rapid way of getting that same individual out of that position, of which he or she is clearly not able or willing to do.

We want to have the ability to adjust, adapt, and promote change, well it cannot happen when someone is put in a position for LIFE! Hell we are oftentimes not even capable of deciding what looks good on our own bodies throughout our entire lives, let alone decide what will be good for our country and most of her people when we are dead and gone, at the tender age of 80 plus!

Our officials, elected AND appointed, should have the ability to start to make changes and even stay around long enough to see them implemented and start to take shape, but they should not be in office long enough to wonder or try to remember why  that something was implemented in the first place. TERMS people; everyone should serve a reasonable term, and always remember just because you can doesn’t always mean you should.

Trying To Remember

I used to know telephone numbers but now I don’t. I used to send cards and letters now I text. No one told me that if I stopped trying to do things I would forget how. What’s more, I wasn’t aware of how hard it would become to retrieve that which I once possessed.

In my world, that has about 4-6 hours less than I need to do what I want ,or think I want. I am rebooting so-to-speak, and trying to recall that which I once knew. I am tempted daily to reach for the auto-redial than to challenge my brain. Yet every time I want to go for the easy way out I think there may come a time when you truly don’t have that resource of memory.

Is this futile? My answer is no, while I am annoyed at times by my inability to do some things,I find learning is not as quick as it once was. I am also finding not making an effort is easy and it rapidly carries you to a place you may not be able to recover from.

Plus this is personal. My youngest son’s High School Principal suffered from Alzheimer’s and died. He was 7 years younger than I am. While we cannot control all the ailments and maladies we may suffer from, if a simple step may prevent or delay one that we can, we absolutely should.

Think of how difficult the crime of Identity Theft would be, if only the information we held in our phones was kept safely in our heads.

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