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Archive for the tag “wisdom”

03 May 2026
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Dear Pain

Once again, I wake up and here you are. I am not surprised by your presence. You are not welcomed by me, nor are you welcome. Yet here you reside with me.This is beginning like a familiar song. What is it that you want from me? You are silent and unchanging, for the most part. I respond to your presence in every way possible, but at the same time do not acknowledge you. How is it that this can occur? You are an enigma. I want to figure you out. Perhaps if I can explain your existence, I will be able to explain you away. Maybe my being able to understand aspects of you will bring the clarity I need, and you will leave me.

Dear Pain, I remember when you did not exist. I did not have to think about you, and I did not have to factor you and your existence into my life. I would catch a glimpse of you and hear a story of you from others close to me. I knew all I wanted to know about you. However, it was not personal, and I guess it was not enough for you.

Early one Sunday morning you came to see me and get personal… I was born on a Sunday. I lost my mother and son on respective Sundays after those days represented so much less to me. YOU made me very aware of you. YOU are invasive and controlling. You came back around when leukemia and lung cancer took my younger brother and my husband, within months of each other, which set you up for a long period of residency in my heart, soul, and mind… YOU seemingly do not want to leave or leave me alone. I try not to let you run and ruin my life, but you take up so much of my life. Time, space, are meaningless because you are in the way.

Where do I go from here? I want nothing more than for you to be gone. For you to be absent means that the reason you are with me would be gone, but it is not as simple as that. You were not invited, but you came anyway. You are NOT welcome, but you stay. It is NOT enough to say one wants something; it is incumbent upon us all to take action in order to make that/those something(s) happen. Dear Pain just go away. Please.

Posted in Ecumenically Speaking and tagged , , ,
28 Apr 2026

Laundry List

In a search to find a compatible mate rather than checking off boxes, my list seems to be getting longer and more complex. I ask myself, “What is it you are trying to accomplish here?” At one point in time I did believe I knew. Now things are getting cloudy. As I go over the list, the feasibility is fading rapidly. The justification for the list and the criteria of it is becoming jaded. What do I do? Realizing the flaws do I continue, because in spite of the flaws and complications, it is useful.

Since I likened this list to the laundry, perhaps that would be a good approach. First, we must separate the items. In first steps the importance must be examined, for without the all-important first, everything else can be compromised. Therefore, this first step MUST be clear and concise. You need to know this process will put you in line for the goal. The goal is ever present and must be in clear sight. It may seem to those outside of self, this list is an ambitious and unreasonable compilation, However, I submit low expectations will undoubtedly yield unsatisfactory results. The details of the list are indelible in my mind. I do not have to write the list down because it is ever-present, when I meet someone even if at random.

What will one accept? What is satisfactory? How do you navigate past settling for? For me adding to the so-called laundry list IS my acceptance that I may NOT find the guy in the “criteria-based outfit” and since that is the case it is a HARD PASS is my choice. That is by-no-means an insult to ones who do not fit, but the fact remains, by my very own standard it will NOT work. No need to waste time and effort. Somewhere in our lives we do have to take what we say at face–value; mean what we say, stand by our convictions. This has to hold true regardless of the outcome not necessarily being positive.

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26 Apr 2026

And I Love Him…

Basking in the residue of time spent with him“; my body and mind tell me what I resist admitting. I AM a romantic and I LOVE “LOVE “. He simply is the personification of it. Therefore, when I feel the need to not just show him, but to say this it takes all that is within me to take hold of myself and STOP. STOP before disaster strikes. STOP, before I turn over my soul, my very being to one who clearly does not care about me in a significant way.

This is “middle school“. There he is. You see him navigating down the crowded hall between classes trying to arrive at his destination on time. You must do the same, but you chance being late to catch that glimpse of him. WHY would you do that? WHY would you risk YOUR wellbeing for a brief look at one who doesn’t even see you or know you exist?

40 years later you are back where you started. You see you developed a pattern, way back when you were developing. When you were becoming who you were going to be, you interrupted that personal growth for someone else. It felt good, it felt nice to temporarily be distracted from your own reality to become emersed in what was oh-so-pleasant. Then it ended or did it…

Life plays tricks on us; what seems like and ending can often times be a pause, what seems like love is merely a game or an ego trip (that door swings both ways). We find ourselves in the middle of the turmoil and confusion charged with the job of translating. Translating can be quite daunting, especially when you do not speak the “language“. Ill-equipped we push forward anyway with results that are often, at best, random.

For some reason that boy from “middle school” has once again invaded your life. Circumstances and sad coincidence put the two of you in the same place. The memories, of what was versus what ACTUALLY was, have blurred lines. It seems different, he seems different (4 decades tend to bring about changes). However, no different than before YOU see what YOU want to see, what YOU need to see in order for this thing that IS happening again make sense. What will stop YOU, who will tap YOU on the shoulder? It will invariably be him and your subconscious; these two elements are quite familiar with one another. “They” recognized this disaster from the very start, and “they” recognize this same energy now. Therefore, all YOU have to do is select the “correct door”. The door that will lead to what YOU want and what is best for YOU. They should be the same. They are not and against your better judgement YOU do what YOU did before, your excuse/explanation is it will be right this time …and I love him.

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13 Apr 2026

They Challenge Us To Be Better

We all have a person in our lives to make us aware of the right thing to do, even when we are NOT trying to rise above it all.

There I was ready to relay a story, but I did not have anyone to tell it to. Audience is major when you perform, present, relay information This was the second time in a matter of days that I felt this way. Another dilemma I faced was sharing and my story being misinterpreted. I had to be deliberate and selective. I knew who I wanted to share with, but the trust factor was undeniable. My other choices I felt would not appreciate the seriousness of the matter. However, I was about to burst!

I want to believe I am a good person. Harmless. If I cannot help you, I certainly will not harm you. Yet, I am well aware of the fact that I am very much human. I battled with the first incident. Each time I saw one of the individuals I wanted to share my story with, I kept questioning what I was willing to sacrifice. I actually like each of the people, but I felt unsure of how much I trusted them. I decided my story was better kept to myself. After all, if you were not familiar with the “players” you would have had to be there.

The next story was personal. It was all about preference in dating and specifically mine. I do not feel like I have to defend that and I am honest and open about that. Needless to say, most of us know when a person is interested in them. In spite of making my choices clear, I was still approached. Sometimes it is laughable sometimes it is annoying. This situation was becoming annoying. Yet I was not willing to simply cut ties. He simply held a job in an industry that I refuse to consider in looking for a companion. He said he was fine with being friends, platonic friends. He was also slightly arrogant. I took on the “you asked for it” attitude.

I told my story to one of my moral compasses, her reaction let me know that I would not share it or the other situation with the second person I held in high esteem. She made it clear she did not approve. It silenced me. I did not expect such a judgmental response, but she truly is a good human. I found myself filled with regret, regret in doing what I did and regret for entertaining the idea of the next step. She thought I was not happy that I had shared the information with her and I would filter future stories…nothing could be farther from the truth. You see she reeled me back in. I was not sure that I would meet with something equally bad, but she made me think about who I actually am. Unapologetic but I did feel bad that I was allowing myself to be reduced to that type of being. It did not matter how I justified it.

I returned to the first incident. I realized that I would just have to let it go. I also knew I really did not want to. Therefore, what I needed to work on was the desire to gravitate towards the negative. What I needed was my friend to shake me into realizing I cannot have it both ways. I cannot be a good person and continue to play in the not-so-good person’s area. She forced me to look at this in a fashion that made it impossible to ignore, and she also made me look at that individual i was at that point in time. I did not like what I saw.

We humans carry an assortment of emotions and attitudes, but if we are constantly pushing and placing the responsibility elsewhere then if things end up in conflict to our liking, we have to assume some responsibility. We don’t always want that. These good folks, these moral compasses, remind us of these facts. They truly challenge us to be better.

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12 Apr 2026

Quick Thoughts Leave You Quickly

As someone who considers themselves a writer, I test several methods and ways to get my ideas into a visual form for sharing. Technology has given us many gifts. There are tools that seemingly will allow “us” to produce at the speed of light. This of course is an exaggeration. The ideas still need to be borne from our minds… correct

Currently I am working on being motivated and deliberate. I want to not just begin my pieces; I want to complete them. My biggest challenge is completions. I start just fine but then I get distracted. Once I disconnect for a moment my focus is in another area and eventually my body follows the lead of my mind.

Memory is a funny thing at this juncture in life. Many of my contemporaries worry that tiny lapses are indications of something far more serious. However, that is not always the case. We have to learn that while we must advocate for ourselves, we must give ourselves grace and if we are still truly troubled by health and/or behavior changes, seek out the advice of a trained professional.

Here is the connection; my situation and this particular piece are guided by my writing, mountains of information, and memory. I begin my process of writing, I have to process the information, research it, draw conclusions, and get it written. When distractions take me out of my headspace, I lose something, I forget. I become aggravated but should I be alarmed? At this point I say, no. I say I need to find a way to retain the thoughts and thought processes. This is old fashioned, but for fear of stating the obvious, I am old. Writing down brief notes helps me remember what I intend to write about. It works. Do you know how I know it works? Well, it is quite simple; when I do not employ this process, I forget. I spend a great deal of time trying to recover the idea I wanted to address but neglected to write down. Then I am stuck, stuck because I cannot let go of the idea I had and stuck because I cannot recover it beyond knowing I had this idea.

Is this cause for concern, should I consult with the geriatric department for testing? I think not, at least for now. I think I need to slow down and employ the process I know works, because I have seen time and again what happens when I do not. I get a first-hand lesson in how quick thoughts leave quickly.

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11 Apr 2026

Sometimes It Just Doesn’t Seem Real

2:13 in the morning, I am actually preparing to go to sleep. I made the mistake of napping earlier in the evening. I am restless, but very aware I need to get that REM sleep. The tele has gone into the inactive state. Now images from my picture library are appearing. I pay them little attention, but then an image of Jay (my late son), Carlton, and Wes (my late husband) appear. It is Jay’s 1st birthday. His face and hands look as though they were dipped in the chocolate frosting. They are all smiling, clearly posing, but they is a sense of joy on their faces. I stop in the midst of my sleep preparation and allow myself to immerse myself in that moment in time. A time when my family was intact, a time where I could not fathom 38 years in the future. The place I currently occupy. For a brief millisecond that feeling is real.

I hear Wes’ voice; I see the kids’ irrepressible smiles. I feel “at home”. Then, my consciousness awakens. I am alone in my bedroom. My “Tiana’ sleeps at my feet (for now). Without thinking but surely knowing, my eldest is in another state with his family, my youngest son and my husband are no longer here on Earth with me. The overwhelming sadness engulfs me. I do not breakdown on the outside, but on the inside what I feel simply returns to the place it has occupied for the past 8 years, ever-present and unwavering.

For a short period in time, we can sometimes let our mind do what is needed, so that we can continue to function. We never forget; we simply learn to manage or let the forces within us take on and take over, that which we are not equipped to. The truth is sometimes it just doesn’t seem real.

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19 Oct 2025

While You Are Busy Making Plans

John Lennon said, ” Life is what happens while you are busy making plans.” I loved John. I loved “The Beatles”. In 1980 when the news of John’s murder hit the news, I felt the sadness of loss. I had no idea what was ahead for me. I was single, no children and my immediate family was intact. John’s words would become a part of me in a whirlwind of events. I would watch in a sort of out of body experience, with the narration being made up of that simple yet prophetic statement.

Speeding into the future, the everyday drudgery of life; it all seems unremarkable. Looking back, I believe it was actually “setting the stage for the next acts”. We will take it a decade at a time, for days, even years seem overwhelming to recount.

From 1980 thru 1990 I married, had two children and lost my father. From 1990 thru 2000 my family moved away from everything we were familiar with to another state, and I had a child graduate from high school. 2000 thru 2010 my other child graduate from high school, the 1st black president was elected, and I became a grandmother. 2010 thru 2020; a second grandchild was welcomed into the family. Then I lost a great portion of my immediate family, my mother, my youngest son, my younger brother, and my husband. I lost sight of who I was because that person no longer existed, only portions of her remained and she was unrecognizable. 2020 thru present; a pandemic, I retired, what remained of my immediate family, and I left the state we had settled in for 30 years.

August 2025 a reminder of the pain of loss returned; my brother-in-law passed away. I always liked Calvin. In my mind I had lost all the people that I could bare, and I should not have to lose anyone else. The logical thought is that I would go before anyone else, but I aint logical. I feel like the universe has wronged me and I get to say how it will make things right. I am not an idiot, though as I write this, I know how irrational I sound. However, it sounds, it is the expression of how I feel. This kind of loss is a reminder how fragile life is. This kind of loss is a trigger that takes me back to the times that a familiar type of hurt was encompassing my life. It is familiar, but that does not soften the blow or the shock. Part of the resilience of humans is that we retain hope and that hope makes us insulate from certain pain, even if the insulation is a temporary loss of memory.

I wish I had something ironic or profound to end this with, I don’t. Instead I will leave you with words you have likely heard/read before. “Live each day is though it were your last, for it may very well be.” It is wonderful to have a plan, but always keep in mind that you have to factor in LIFE and that adds an entirely different dynamic to your plan.

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10 Apr 2025

Love The One You’re With

Now I know my some of my contemporaries recall the title of The Isley Brother’s song. Many probably know most of the lyrics. Although it was released during a time period where dating and love was not as complicated as it is now, there clearly was a need to reflect on one’s love life.

Relationships, dating, interacting … I have loads of time to write about this because I am basically not active in two of the afore mentioned categories. Time gives us opportunity to reflect. When you find yourself in this place make good use of it. “Love The One You’re With” is about self-love. Yes, we spend time making sure things are right for others, but we neglect the one person who we really should not .. ourselves.

Being in the status that affords one the ability to NOT have to punch a time clock, log hours or be at any given place at any given time, WILL spoil you. Things like being on time for appointments and/or events may fall from your priority list. You have to remind yourself, ” Just because I have all the time I need today, does NOT mean the other person or situation does.” The dentist asks what’s a good day for you, you have to figure what day cannot/will not work. Let’s see I am going to wake-up sometime in the morning and then after taking care of basic hygiene… now what? Time joins the list of casualties on your list of ” I’ll get around to it”.

If you are able to have someone else take care of your hair-skin-nails which are metamorphosizing at an extreme rate, what do you do…you go have those services taken care of. On the other hand, if you have decided these maintenance things are no longer necessary because no one is going to SEE you, here is some “food for thought”. YOU SEE YOU! Our perceptions directly affect our reactions. If you see worn out and tired, you will take on the persona of that even if you did not intend to. It will NOT take long before you find yourself existing as you appear. My father used to always quote me this phrase, ” So a man thinketh, so a man shall be.” YOU re worth the time and the effort. YOU matter and that will be what you project when YOU “Love The One You’re With”.

Therefore, self-love is imperative. For your health, for your well-being, and for your life. We cannot hope to be of value to others if we do not first value ourselves. Take time for you, go to the gym, read a book on a subject you are interested in, get a pedicure or better yet try giving yourself one in the comfort of your home. Then you can go out and share some of the positivity you have gained or re-gained, by loving the one you are with…YOU!

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16 Mar 2025

Nuthin in New Bern

This is not to be insulting or offensive. It is an observation that takes into account personal preferences and choices.

A beautiful little city in Eastern North Carolina, I came to live here because my eldest son was offered a promotion. He asked me if I wanted to move with his family here. Due to the fact that I am a widow, and we lost his younger brother in 2018, he knew I had nothing tying me to Atlanta that would take precedence over my remaining immediate family. It was a “no brainer”. Therefore, I made the decision to head “north”.

Upon our arrival here I was taken with the cuteness. There were unique little shops, there was familiar retail and loads of eateries. The demographic was quite different from Metro Atlanta, but on the other hand I embraced things like very little traffic and close proximity to the beach. Fast forward over 3 years later. Life happens, as it just does. My son and his family moved back to the Atlanta area. My moving back was not as “simple” as theirs was. I was enrolled in college classes; I had a lease, and my retirement income while adequate for New Bern very well could/would/may present a challenge that I was not really prepared to deal with. I am now basically alone with Nuthin In New Bern.

As seniors we all have a very real possibility of being ALONE somewhere, at some time in our futures. We may either outlive or outlast our people and/ or circumstances. I speak with my 93-year-old “play mother”(she is actually my younger sister’s official godmother, but she was my mom’s best friend for decades of mom’s life. She is family) daily. This out-living/out lasting is her “plight”. As I examine my circumstances, I feel the need to sound off the warning signal. When I speak of my “play mother’s” plight it is yet another observation of how varied we are as Baby Boomers. It is also worthy of notice. Be it health, finances, tragic events; we have years of experience in life to deal with changes. However, we have undergone many changes that may take us off track. As we have aged, we naturally have taken on some of the characteristics of aging, whether we want to or not. The adage of “teaching an old dog new tricks” takes on a new light when you find you are not only embracing that line of thinking, but you’re also living it.

The graces that youth provides us with, are no longer benefits we “hold the papers to”. I am a bit adventurous and nomadic, but now my new “friends (limitations and mobility)” trailing behind me, closing in on me, and they are just waiting to join my caravan of life. I have to mount an offensive. This state of “being alone” gives you an opportunity to do a great deal of thinking… too much thinking at times. For an overthinker it is not necessarily a good thing. However, the flip side is my mind shall not be “a workshop for the devil”.

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21 Nov 2024

Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop

I should have known better. I should have seen this coming. Tell me the one thing you hope no one ever says or thinks about you. When you find yourself faced with that very thing, that very thought, what do you do. Will you let pride and ego drag you down the path of destruction of sorts?

Sometimes you get blindsided. I asked myself the question, I told myself, for the most part, I do not care what people think about me. I also realize on some levels that is NOT true. I am confrontational, I am judgmental, I am also respectful and exercise tact. I kept hearing over and over again how there was no need to worry about me, because I will be alright. She can/will handle it. As time went on, I wondered if that was/those assessment were because that is truly how I am viewed/seen/perceived or was this a way of getting folks that I may have turned to off the hook.

Making it your business NOT to say or do things for reaction in your personal life is far different than what you have been taught to do in your business life. Yet the two worlds entwine and intermingle.

You find yourself in a place of insignificance and disregard. It does NOT feel good. Individuals that once turned to you for advice and assistance, do not notice it has been several days since they communicated with you. When they do communicate, they do NOT take time to hear or listen to you. At first you may not even notice this is happening. Then as time goes on and it occurs more and more, what do you do? Do you approach it and try to identify where the break has manifested, or do you ignore it and hope the other individual has a revelation/comes to their senses and makes everything right?

In your work world you exercise tact and operate in a place that gives individuals the benefit of the doubt. If they do not respond the solution can be a simple discussion or as drastic as them losing their job. However, unlike in your personal life, the cards are placed on the table.

I was much better at this when I was younger, but now with a panic attack under my belt I am realizing I must care for me. I cannot let things happen. I cannot wait for the other shoe to drop.

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