hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

Archive for the category “Hafwaythroughpoints”

XV-hafawaymovingforward

February 2014 is GONE! It looks like this year is moving faster than ever. i remember as a child constantly hearing adults upon meeting with one another saying things like,” Time sure is flyin”. Well now I see it for myself and it has a great deal to do with focus.

What are you working on in your life presently? I have several major projects going on in my mind and I am overwhelmed, just think what will happen when I actually start working on these same projects. “Where do I begin”, I ask myself each day. I skim over these items, touch upon them lightly, or perhaps not at all. I tell myself things like, ” I just need more time, or only if I had more time”. Neither of these semi-solutions are helping my projects move and they are solutions that are not currently feasible. Therefore, my works are in a state of limbo.

Not being able to focus and concentrate keeps one of balance. Soon other things that were not major players in your moving forward on these projects begin to interfere as well. I recently found that returning to  something that is very familiar to you helps. It is comforting to put yourself in a state that you “know your way around in”. This comfort may be a place, or with a person, perhaps you need a reconnect with God.

Whatever works for you, know you have to do something to pull yourself from this confusion. Think of that resting state, how it will rejuvenate you, how you will be strengthened and renewed. Realize this is the first place you must go before you can endeavor anything else. Once you get there, hopefully you will see the rest will fall in line.

XIV-Hafawhatyousee

As I move away from this case (Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman) something draws me back; the same as last year when I wrote about it initially, it feels like there is a weight on my chest.  I say what I have said in the past; Serve on jury duty, become familiar with the law(as best you can) and remember”life isn’t fair”. Just because you have the right to do/be does not necessarily mean it will be so. Unfortunate reality, so govern yourself accordingly.

This is a good place for former and current police officers(black especially) to do  more good for the community. Talk to the youth, let them hear from one who was in the trenches what is seen/perceived and  show them how to apply that information. You hate to think about a civilian taking the law into his own hands and getting away with it, but remember he was a “COP-WANNABE”, there is a difference. He wanted to be “seen”as worthy.

We as outsiders(not happy with but respectful of this verdict) have to get some solace that this is not over for George Zimmerman. State Court, Supreme Court, Magistrate Court, Court of Public Opinion (no order/relevance implied). Talk about celebrity and infamy. Zimmerman no matter what will never walk down a street, go to get a bite to eat, obtain employment without having to look over his shoulder because maybe some vigilante may decide to take the law into their own hands. For whatever he thought he saw that night in February 2012 and acted upon, this is now his reality.

The Martin family will never feel better for no court in the land, no amount of money on this planet can EVER replace what was lost, their child and they will never be able to forget that.

Then there was the case in New York 2007 John H White- a black man convicted of shooting and killing an unarmed white teenager at point-blank range. He was convicted of manslaughter. This case was racially charged and once again each side accusing the other of playing “the race card”. You can review this case on your own, but if it does nothing else it demonstrates how we, the layman public, are manipulated and fooled into believing we have a universal understand of what goes on  and where it takes place, when we are in fact only spectators and speculators.

I do not know if it has been done before, but a thought did occur to me. It was spurned by these type cases and the climate subsequent to them, and of course my friends and loved ones, who motivate me on a continuous basis. What if in court everybody looks the same when a case comes before a jury. When I say looks the same I mean everyone is intentionally made up to have the appearance of the same multi-cultural/ethnic group. If you truly intend on taking race out of an equation you have to make it so no one can put it into play in the first place.

My favorite Author John Grisham  demonstrated and characterized it best in  his book ” A Time To Kill” I will merely summarize it here; the only way justice will truly be served in cases where different races are involved is for a jury to see the individuals as they see themselves. They must be able to relate. We want  to believe we are more intelligent than that, we have moved forward, and we are sophisticated.

Martin Luther King Jr.’s dream of a country where people are NOT judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character, cannot take place if people are constantly bombarded with negative images which make them back away from opportunities to get to know a person’s character. They retreat to primitive ways and deal with what is simple; that which is right before their very eyes, an image. Yet we all have to admit there is quite a bit more to us all, than that which you see on the surface.

Our country takes a great deal of time notating the diversity of her people, but it is not always in a positive endearing light. There is pride when the Justice System is spoken of.  She smiles and boasts that she is “the land of opportunity” but what of the fine print; as long as you adhere to the preferences, visual or implied, of those who are in charge at any given time. “Equal protection under the law”, except if you look this way. I am expecting, living, reacting to that which is written and read, that which I see. America, she has grown up but she has nonetheless grown farther apart in the process.

XIII-hafasmanyquestionsasiwouldlikeanswersto

Their number is 13… and in this year in particular 13 feels like a great place to start.

1.What do you do when there is someone in your life that needs help, that wants help but does not only NOT know how to ask for it, they do not know how to accept it?= 2.5

2. How do you force a situation without demonstrating force?=1

3. When do you find time for you, when there seemingly is no time?=1

4. Do you know when it is time to go or let go?=2

Riddled with questions and rather annoyed, you have watched your weekend end. You were tired but could not rest. You were sleepy but could not sleep. The apprehension was pretty close to intolerable. Those close to you, in proximity and relation, were draining you and you were allowing them to do just that. WHAT DO THEY WANT?!  However, you were not allowed to say or feel that because you have always taken up the slack. What do they think, what do they feel or are you just an after-thought? There is an expectation for you to fulfill everyone else and then when the needs exist in you, well you are not allowed or even expected to want anything. Yet to get beyond your feelings and you must do this/ complete this task with little or no disruption to those around you.  I am not a swimmer but I imagine what is going on, what you are going through is similar to drowning.

Therefore as you gasp for air lets see if we can answer these questions and rescue you from …yourself.

Starting with #1.- the question I gave credit for being 2 and a half questions simply HELP. Do what you KNOW they need if you can;volunteer, but don’t interfere; expect nothing for your deed and walk away with that expectation.

Number 2.- subconscious takes over in a lot of cases but if you are asking this question you have gone waaaay beyond the subconscious, you are painfully aware. You actions and reactions will tell a story. If you do not want to appear to be a certain way(i.e. forceful) then you must demonstrate a strong presence but with gentler words.

The answer to 3.- Make time. Cut that grocery shopping trip, turn the television off, cancel or postpone an appointment and utilize the time for you. If it is sitting in the car listening to an old favorite CD, walking in the park during your lunch, sometimes you do have to give something up to get something back.

Finally 4.- yes of course you know the answer to this/these question(s). While the first part of this question need only have you apply the”wear-out-your-welcome”theorem. Having an obvious feeling of being uncomfortable from an outside source…. if that is what you are experiencing at any given time, it is time to go.  The second part is more to do with being in tune with self. We get caught up in what is familiar and we hang onto that because it feels so safe. We oftentimes give this feeling the benefit of being correct. Even though it can be guilt driven. The fear of taking action too soon can leave you stagnating for years. Therefore if you are contemplating letting go it is because something inside of YOU is saying it is time. Trust yourself.

Note if these suggestions do NOT help you , they do not yield the desired results, then you are going to have to stop trying to be P.C. and go back to the grassroots technique “say what you mean and mean what you say”. Now we can prepare for the next half.

XII-hafawayback

Mission accomplished, of sorts. I made strides on my other project, had some time to slow down and reflect. The break was worth it. I did miss writing on my blog though. I did not completely neglect it, I just had to limit the time in order to dedicate more time to an area of concentration which was in need. I did decide I would work on the blog “half as often, but twice as long”. I will see how much better that works out for the future..

Once again we must find a way to have balance in our lives. We are the ground-breakers. Therefore, what we do is going to serve as a blueprint for those to follow. We have to find a viable way to take the reins back into our hands when they have slipped away from us or when we have even let them go. No easy task in either case.

I am just happy to be back and look forward to making more positive strides… I actually  intended to  present this upon my  return this past August, but it felt incomplete and empty. Now there is more meaning behind this return. I have discovered that  my multi-tasking skills need quite a bit more honing to accomplish  the goals I set for myself. A casualty of this  juncture in life…. a benefit is the realization of such.

XI-haftakingabreak

Rites of Passage and Milestones; I thought reaching the century mark would be massive for me on my blog. It was an accomplishment, but then I seemed to feel like I needed to give my blog more time. I was working on the book and just working period. There really were not enough hours in the day for me to accomplish anything. As I kept active with the blog, days and weeks passed without me even looking at the book. I had a target date in mind and I certainly could not get to that point without dedicating some of my time to my book. I think my readers can relate. Often times we have to stop and back away from a thing in order to get a good look at what is needed, and what comes next.

Thus, I am starting my break. There are a few things for folks to read or read again until I make a little progress on the book. I would love to have 125 pages written in the book, when I return. That is small in itself, but with 125 blogs done the number seems tangible.

I am feeling lost and apprehensive. I am abandoning that which was familiar to me and it is very difficult. My goal now established, I must venture out and move toward that goal. Time and time management is very important here, I am still “counting” and I will be back. Hopefully with more insight, more accomplished, and more focused. After all, I am only half-way-there.

X-Hafa…What-Now

How about that for a question. For Post 100, I figured it should be something special.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Something that would connect the blog to the writing. Not so suddenly, I ran out of ideas for this. Then it came to me, I would follow in the footsteps of one of my favorite groups “Chicago” no frills titles for their albums, they let the songs and music speak to you. Beyond the greatest hits, all you have to do is to be able to count. Thus after this post under this tag, all I will do is use Roman numerals to identify these pieces.

Post 100 or X has to live up to a lot, at least it does for me. I do not want it to merely be full of fluff to get me to that number. It has to have character and it has to have content. So what about these half way points. These, from this point forward, pieces that originally were to earmark things that my mid-life experience experienced.  One thing is there never seems to be a lack of material only a lack of time and concentration.

I began thinking of stalemates and being stagnant. Now I am a talker, I have been dubbed this long before I could write. Therefore, I believe I will always have something to say. Whether it is worthy of reading or writing is discretionary. I felt pretty convinced that words would never escape me, but in Post 100 I must come to terms with  my stalemate, my book.

While filled with great ideas and an outline as to where I want to go…. My outline is the longest contribution to this upcoming book of mine. I think about life; I compare it to travel and the point of no return. I do not concentrate on that much when I travel, but then it seems overall we do not think about that point much in life either. I believe we should. I think we should consciously visit that point in our everyday decisions. I am not suggesting we sit down and ponder all aspects of our life with this formula, merely to take it into account more often then when we are in an airplane.

So what now? I have to regroup. I have no predictions, only hopes. At this juncture it is good that I still have that available, and then there is the anticipation of XI. Stay Tuned… was all I could come up with. A boat load of parables filled my head, but nothing seemed right. Sometimes you can search too long and too hard for that which is right there in front of you. The truth is everything you do though it is impactful on some level, it may not live up to what your idea of impactful is. The tiny little impressions add up; then one day you can finally see what took some time to achieve, and you may find that what you intended is nothing like the result.

IX-Hafathetime

With 60 plus posts behind me, I am at a place where I must make a few decisions. Do I continue this blog or do I dedicate some serious time to writing my book? Time is so very important to us all, for we never know how much we have.

Sunday we were examining eternity and the present in church. Eternity being something that is truly beyond our idea of understanding. How can one, by our standards, really comprehend what one has never experienced? It seems clear we will all reach this place eventually, though what we will actually find is “still up in the air.”

The present, a place all too real for most of us. This is a place that I look upon as a construction site. It is ever changing and needs more work to get to the finished product. Problem here is the finished product keeps changing. The blueprints are marred with erasure marks and it is getting harder and harder to see what we are ultimately trying to complete. This is the place where we can actively affect what our eternity will be and it is filled with near misses, mistakes, confusion, and controversy. More reality; if we don’t get it right here in the present, our future and eternity may not yield the desired results.

Later in the day I joined a group that pleasantly took me back in time. I spent several hours on one nostalgic journey after another.  Just that quick I realized I was focusing on something I could not have. I was escaping to the past. There is nothing wrong with visiting places we do not have real access to, as long as it does not become too time consuming. The retreat can all too quickly become a deep longing, an obsession.

When I find myself going astray in these matters I try to find something that gets me back to task, I do something for someone else. At numerous times I find I feel as though I will never be able to live up to what I think is expected of me, but there is no feeling that matches  the one you get when you do something that makes another person feel better.  You are given back a sense, that it is not all about you.  You get a piece of peace and a sliver of time to reflect on that which is not promised to us, now what are you going to do with this time.

VIII-Haftonowhatuwant

This actually began as the question: “what do you want?” It was addressing someone else. I soon realized this question applied to me as well, and the fact that I did not know the answer.  There certainly is an answer, but do you or I dare reveal it.

Free Time at this stage is both an opponent and a companion. There are always things to do, you can always find things to do, therefore being in a rest state makes me feel less accomplished. There is this overwhelming sense that I should be doing something productive. When I do allow myself the Free Time, it still comes with a challenge. In a visceral way the mind must be active, and naturally query occurs. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just lounge around and feel free to just go-with-the-flow?

Example; there is a re-entry of someone in your life. Initially, the excitement and anticipation happens. Then the lull comes, it even deteriorates to minimal contact. What is next? Do you sever the newly established ties or do you  just go along, wait and see? Free Time is in the opponent mode here, therefore this is going to end up in the scrap pile. Inevitably the question arises why the scrap heap, well it is simple the underlying question was/is”what do you want”. You wanted something more didn’t you, something defined and something you could wrap your mind around. No one likes these pieces of obscurity dangling around them without a clear cut purpose. Remember who we have holding onto our arm as a companion and quite a demanding one at that, Free Time.

With conviction and a sense of absolution we make a commitment, either literal or psychological, to what we say we think we want. Yet the more distant and out of each “it” is the better we really like it. For how else could we be able to  convince ourselves that this thing that escapes us is the one thing we truly want and that “it” is what is necessary to complete us.

Knowing what you want is scary; it is scary to have the desire, it is scary if we get what we want, and scary if we don’t.  Who among us wants to face up to fear and apprehension? To characterize this period of our lives one would have to say we are truly in a state of definite maybes, a holding pattern and perhaps we aren’t any closer to what or where we figured we would be a couple of decades ago. We have the feeling we should be actively doing something to change that.  What exactly should we be doing though?. One of our bigger dilemmas is we still have that expectation that things should be different. We cannot be carefree because we know better, life has taught us a lesson or two on that very subject. We cannot just accept things for what they are, because we believe we still have too much life left to live for compromising.

Therefore carry on with the knowledgeable and gregarious spirit that allows you to continue on towards what you want and what you need. Trust that when you do come across “it”, when you find “it” in your sights, you will recognize and take a hold of what you want.

VII-Haftafindyourwaythrough

The resounding echo of silence invades my head now. After a marathon of words I am screeching to a silent stop. I need a bit of a break, the writing takes something out of me, because I feel what I am saying. I must interpret these as  pregnant pauses in order to recover, regroup, and refresh.

Here you are alone. More of your life is behind you than ahead, at least as far as new experiences are concerned. What road do you take? Do you make due and stay single or do you venture out? This one required me to actually do some research. I was/am unqualified and unequipped to address this subject on certain levels, in spite of my having quite strong opinions. My results will not be filled with stats and graphs, but information obtained from real and personal contacts.

The research began and it began with individuals very close to me. I want to see these folks happy, I believe they all deserve happiness and not the opinion of what others think happiness is.

The ladies tended to be successful in their business or chosen career. Therefore, they possess the economic spoils of doing well, nice homes,  furnishings, cars, etc. “Can you say intimidating boys and girls?” To that I ask why?  At this particular time in our lives haven’t we learned about the temporary state of “things”? They express the same high standard involving expectations in relationships. Although they are dealing with  something that is a bit more difficult to gauge.

The gentlemen in the same status had a devil-may-care attitude.They were open when it came to relationships, until one day they really examined the age factor. Then suddenly they needed the spouse, children, and in spite of the newness they(the family) needed to catch up and be age appropriate with them. They had  generally decided that the domestic aspect of life was not for them; and then with the wave of a hand changed their minds, but it took a few decades.

I submit that these individuals have spent a great deal of time without the challenges of relationships on a very specific level and no matter how appealing this may appear, they would/will be in for a rude awakening. What I am presenting is not mind-boggling or earthshaking. They are all very desirable, charming, and intelligent. They all simply want what they want, and that attitude alone is not cohesive with the type of relationship that they are seeking. Settling has been something they have managed to avoid, but in this venture if some compromising is not done failure is eminent. I smile as I think of trying to match them up with one another, but the idea of this gives me images of two cats fighting in a bag. My suggestion would be to slow it down and I am sure that will be received with contempt. Ironic, is the word I apply to it all.

What is missing and can it be filled with something else? Have we become so one dimensional that we can only operate if we have all the same “things” that everyone else we know has. I think it is important to note that none of us is truly alone with no one that cares.

Having a warm body next to you, can sometimes translates into desperation and settling. However, standing by your convictions sets you up for load of disappointments and a scant selection of what would be considered suitable. As our age advances, our considerations become less distinctive. Voids need to be filled, society tells us this is so and we buy into this thought-pattern.

I am a hopeless romantic. Although, life experiences have encouraged me to abandon the Disney/Fairytale ideals, I am still a seven year old at heart. If I am completely honest, I wish I could reach inside my soul and pluck that romanticism out of me.  However,the romanticism is one of those things that you’d have to characterize as; when it feels good it is so good, but when it is bad it is HELL! Hey call me a sadist, I’m gonna hang onto it.

VI-haftasaysomethin

Today I had to do something I did not want to do but I had to. Through the years we all have had this type of experience(doing something you didn’t want to), and more than likely this has happened more than once.

My boy, as I liked to think of him, was born January 1, 1999. He came as  a surprise to me 3 years later, because I  never thought I would own another cat after my loss 12 years earlier. There he was sitting the cage at Petsmart waiting to be adopted. He had beautiful blue eyes and a gray fluffy coat. He was by breed a “Ragdoll”.  I re-named him , but as all things that concerned him, he never warmed up to his name or me for that matter. I can only imagine what his early life was. I know it wasn’t good, but I know we tried to give him a good home and we tried to do this for 9 years.

Today I let him go. I am sad for the loss of life, but I am not sad for him. I think he is worth mentioning because,  I believe there are situations where we put all of our energy in to and get no return. I was very convinced and comfortable with my decision. As a pet lover, I have had to make the unselfish  choice to let go before and it hurt. This was so different and I learned  about being more responsible when it comes to a life. I think I should have left Storm alone. I tried to fill a void with another individual and it did not work. I can tell myself that I gave him something better than he had, but if he didn’t want it was it really better?

Anyone other than a pet lover may find this odd. I hope the pet lovers understand and take a bit of heed, because we are generally good-hearted folks. This is just a demonstration of how we can lose track of what is really important. I now believe I would have better served Storm by giving a cash contribution to his foster parent and moving on.  I changed his environment, I changed his name, but I didn’t change him.  I did this convinced this would make him happy and subsequently me happy.

Not all of our projects or endeavors will be a success, and today I have to live with that reality.  I did not give all of this thought the day I adopted him and I wish I would have. Today I have to live with a farewell and on that note I haftasaysomthin; his name was Toby before he knew me. Peace be with you Toby.

Post Navigation

%d bloggers like this: