hafacenturyncounting

Eating Brussel Sprouts

Okay I am not a fan, I have eaten them before and feel pretty confident if I never have them again I would be fine with this. What I am attempting to do is present a metaphor that helps explain views and vantage points.

So here is my little story.  I wake up knowing I will be having brussel sprouts. I don’t know when or how but I know I will have to somehow eat something I don’t like, something that has sickened me, and may eventually bring about my demise because I have had an allergic reaction to it. You may ask ,”why do I eat the brussel sprouts?” When I tell you I live with the someone who knows all this about me and brussel sprouts but refuses to believe me, take my feelings and concerns to heart, and out and out disregards me. This someone justifies this treatment because they have convinced themselves that I will build up a resistance to my reaction to brussel sprouts, or it may eventually cause a more long terms negative affect. In either case, comfortable or not, I serve their purpose. I imagine that your response is well you need to get away from that someone?

Leave; It is not that simple. Moving alone is both complex and difficult. Change hard to digest.  I can tell you this the place where I dwell, is as much mine as it is theirs. At first I was both dependent and beholding to this someone. In spite of the fact I was treated badly from the beginning of our relationship, I did what I had to do to survive. Times have changed, expectations are different, but attitudes are holding steadfast. The only thing I really need from this someone is a FAIR chance or at least the appearance of FAIR. That is a battle I am well aware of and able to fight, but no longer am I accepting of the blatant. My someone now seems HELL BENT  on  being blatant. “Put me in my place”, if you will. This tells me there is no care or concern. You now leave me no options but to look out for myself, protect myself, fight a “no hold barred” match.  Are you ready?

You who have had home field advantage, you who have change the rules in the middle of the game, you who have had time to prepare unaffected and uninterrupted by the realities of survival in a hostel environment. You are a gambler, but you have always gambled with the deck stacked. I have NOTHING to lose, are you sure you want to play roulette with me now? Check that pantry out, there really is something else in there besides those brussel sprouts.

Albert and Lorene’s Children

Just like it was yesterday, I remember the snow glistening early Christmas morning. It was before 7 A.M. and since we had already opened up our presents at home it was time to cross the street and see what Grandma Cates, Uncle Bill, and Aunt Elinor had for us too. I lied to mom and said I saw lights and movement. Who did I think I was fooling? I was willing to take a chance; for as long as I could remember you really didn’t get in trouble during Christmas break, unless you did something really bad.   In a few hours we’d all be at 1240 Nebraska Avenue with our big fabulous family. Relatives would travel from all over to spend a few days with the Cates Matriarch. I did not realize how amazing it was to be in the same house with so many people who were so closely connected. I did know it was fun.

In the years that followed we would give up the snow and cold for short sleeves and sunshine of California. We spent years with my mother’s mom now. Her family was equally large, but the connection was different they were not as close. My dad still loved Christmas; from the horrible sugary sweets he loved to purchase at Sears in downtown Inglewood to  the outdoor lights he could never decide on which color he preferred. Mom always looked at the clean-up. As their offspring we gravitated toward dad’s preference. The older we got the less compelled mom was to decorate. Somehow we always managed to convince her we’d help clean up “this time”.

We lost dad almost 29 years ago, mom left us this past October. Like the song says,” Christmas Won’t Be The Same This Year”. We are left with our memories and our hearts are filled with sadness because we miss our Mom and Dad. As an adult you don’t think of being orphaned, but it happens just the same. In our adult bodies, our child minds look for the two people who could advise and guide us through this trauma, but they are nowhere to be found. People tell you reassuring comforting things, but you are NOT reassured nor are you comforted.  We are children sitting on the sofa in age order waiting for Mom and Dad to walk through that door and make everything alright again.