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VENOM

I have not felt so much hatred as I do in these days. It is infecting and the affects are everywhere. I worry about the innocents. We, old sullen beings can battle it out, but what of the babies? My heart is racing as that thought occurs. I want to be positive, but that is not going to be easy. There is a negative fog looming, but no one wants to budge. The first one who does shows weakness, vulnerability..I get that but what seems to be escaping us all is, we are all weak and vulnerable.

What I see happening is we are all having to think again. In our technologically advanced life we have these gadget to think for us under the guise of making things easier and moving faster. What we have ignored or failed to realize is, our capacity to think is diminishing with every keystroke. Those once passing thoughts become a permanent mark, a point of reference that can and will come back to haunt us, lest we hit the delete button as fast as we share. Mean-spirited, hurtful talk, bullying are difficult to challenge in the “trenches”, when the so-called leader(s) of this nation practice the behavior readily.

The venom is everywhere. Since”truth” has become a questionable concept, and lies have been redefined in a manner that makes them seemingly acceptable, at the very least excusable; the venom has a place to grow and thrive. there is a simple solution. Cut off that “snakes head”. Do not accept this distasteful, undesirable talk. Inaccurate, unreliable statements should be called by their correct name; LIES! Remember when LIES were bad things? Now they are simply vehicles to buy time until you have an excuse for whatever the lie is about. You are called a liar (in a tactful way), and then we move on and seemingly forward. Without any ramifications or repercussions other that YOU being called a liar, what is next? Now that liar is an abstract thought, how valuable is truth?

Contracts are meaningless, promises are just things to say…where is our protection. Think about it. “Truth in lending”, your child’s education, a job you contracted for, attorney client privilege, doctor/ patient relationships ALL can potentially be put under fire. Until then we are forced to navigate carefully, hopefully avoiding the venom but anxiously awaiting the anti-venom’s arrival.

And That Feels Good

Ahh..the sign of relief, the taking in of a deep breath. What a feeling! Meeting my daily walk challenge is satisfying, but a quick sprint is phenomenal. The distant grandchild who is finally coming around; there has always been love, but the way your heart fills when you are told YOU were the subject of her “show and tell” presentation about Why “this”is special. Reconnecting with friends from the past, you can never go back but being among folks who can bear witness to that time, makes that time come alive in you again.

Right now there is a need for something to give you comfort. Perhaps a hug or a movie that makes you laugh and cry… As I held the huge padded notebook that contained legal documents, I began to cry. I felt the tears well, I felt the ache in my chest and the lump in my throat rose and began to choke me. The silent wails were a millisecond away.  There I was cowering in my closet alone. I let go and then I rapidly reeled the feelings back in. I was surprised as I discovered, while I clutched that notebook, I felt comfort and I had missed that so much. I had spent the last year running from the fact, that I forgot how good that comfort felt.

LaLaLa…

I really did not want to think there was any feeling left. Yet a year almost to the day I told myself, “no more EVER”, a simple poke made my day. Emotionless at first,  then I felt rather smug and though I did not even respond, out of the blue I was able to relive our encounters. YIKES!

You truly “don’t miss the water till the well runs dry.” So he thinks about me, so what. It is a big deal, it was a big deal. I can still smell the cologne mixed with his pheromones , his well manicured hands, his beard (and I don’t even like beards) his soft intelligent speaking voice, his beautiful teeth, his eyes as he watched me walk, towards or away from him.

There’s a song, you may have heard it before,”LaLaLa Means I Love You” Well not anymore, but Once-Upon-A-Time….

Do you ever think of love(s) of your past? I don’t see anything wrong with it. As we creep closer and closer to the process of slowing down to an inevitable stop, we must do things that keep us aware of the fact that we were not always who we currently are.  Throughout our time the reaction to that fact will bring mixed feelings, but the flings and relationships of the past seem to have an electric energy. Powered by positive or negative emotions, they are invigorating  just the same.

I recall his face when I left him at the alter, The day I found out she was married, We had the best time at the prom, He handed me a dandelion by the lake.. You can add your own, but you know these times existed and they affected you.