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Archive for the tag “communication”

01 Jun 2026

Dear HOPE

I suppose you are lost. I know I hadn’t seen you for years. I did not realize this until one day I discovered that yet another part of me was missing. Unlike pain and anger, you were not loud and/or disruptive. You are subtle. Your presence as well as your absence can be overlooked. One knows something is NOT quite right, but it takes time to put a finger on what exactly is wrong.

Sitting in silence one afternoon, unable to focus on anything in particular you made it clear. You were missing. You were the reason so many things were NO longer important. You NOT being around made so much seem futile. Most things that were actually important, were neglected at best. How can you be so important but go missing and NOT be noticed. Noticed is perhaps the wrong word, I became oblivious to you.

As important as you are, as essential as you are to life and a healthy state of mind, I looked away from you. I lost sight of your very existence. I realize I lost sight of my very existence when I lost sight of you. It made sense to me. How could you be around, how could you be a part of me and my life when someone so important and necessary for my very being was gone, taken away from me. I was focused on that reality, there was no time no space, no place for you. I felt abandoned. I knew when you were around, I was not ALONE. I held you so tight and still you slipped away. You were subtle but when I came to notice you were gone that knowledge hit me abruptly.

I came face to face with your absence and I asked, “What do I do now?” Did you leave or did I send you away. Did I forget to do something that allowed an opening for you to escape through? I don’t think you wanted to go, but I do know I was not giving you the attention and acknowledgement needed for you to be sustained.

Dear HOPE I see you standing before me, but you don’t look the same. I am reluctant to approach you for I fear you will once again leave me. I don’t know that I have the mental or physical strength to handle that again. Are you equally worried that I will turn my back on you or ignore you as you quietly slip away because I am too concerned with that which is right before me. A reality that engulfs me and clouds my vision, along with my perspective to a point that I am nothing more than the existence of sorrow. Dear HOPE now that I am aware that you were not with me, is it okay if I want you to come back even if I don’t consciously know how you can or will.

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17 May 2026

Dear Anger

With your bad disposition and bad timing, I find myself STILL in your company. You represent yet another aspect of life, the life of which we have little to no control over. I have to look at how you have changed throughout my life. Once identified and characterized by outbursts and sour faces, you now know how to disguise yourself. You lurk in corners of my psyche. I have gotten so used to you being around I rarely acknowledge you. However, in my subconscious you wreak havoc. Most of the time you sit silently, you wait to come out. When you do appear, it is a sudden jolt of lightening. You are powerful and overwhelming. You sear what feels like the very life from one’s body. Once you have done that you move outward.

In your grips logic is bypassed. Small things become huge and every aspect of life is a confrontation. You fight, grab and claw your way out of me. You then drag me along on your path of destruction. The road being repaired is so heat filled I can barely get through the traffic without questioning the sanity of whomever decided NOW was the time to fix it. When I reach my destination, I park away from everyone with intention, I do not want to talk or even engage with anyone. For even in this maddening state alongside/accompanied by you I realize any contact necessary or not could prove confrontational. I know that YOU will not be the image that sticks with the unfortunate souls who have the misfortune of being in my orbit at this time. All they will recall is the scowl and rage on MY face. They will not think anger is guiding her, they will think SHE is just so angry. They will not see you as the manifestation of the grief journey I am on. It will be simplified to just me.

Dear Anger when will you be an occasional visitor rather than a resident in my soul. I do not fool myself into believing that you will depart from me forever, but I so want to be able to exist, and you NOT be such an impactful part of my very being. Fleeting instead of familiar, you rise within me almost to the surface where you could be expelled, you churn and swirl around for what seems to be an eternity. The pressure of your force is unbearable and then you begin to withdraw. The intensity seems to lessen. You have not departed you have merely changed direction. You have no real course intended; your only intention is to do the same things you have been doing, exerting yourself to let me know I am not in control of you. Then I am made aware that I need to be.

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15 May 2026
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What’s The Worst That Could Happen?

Have you ever thought about what could go wrong about one thing or another? Do you wonder why those types of thoughts occur to you? Preparation or paranoia, it happens. You see none of us wants to be blindsided. If we do not entertain the possibility that something could go wrong, we could be surprised. When one thinks of surprises the first thought is not of something bad, but indulge me this, a surprise is nothing more than that which you were NOT prepared for. Furthermore, the unprepared for can be good or bad. That fact, in and of itself, makes one look at the idea of a surprise a bit differently.

I try to imagine that which would steer me away from something I think I want. The first thing you have to do is realize what it is within you that has the desire, want, need for this particular person or thing. You have to delve into the why. Why this particular thing, why this particular individual? That answer will serve as a guide to what your mindset is, what is the next move? How long are you willing to continue on a path that you have already invested some time with.

Emotionally speaking, one’s feelings could be hurt. You could end up with a broken heart; you could end up embarrassed and feel shame beyond what you could ever imagine. If we were dealing with something tangible such as a piece of property, a car, etc. the loss will likely be monetary. This too can also bring up and emotional response though we are really not focusing on things. What’s the worst that could happen is of course a matter of perspective. We toss perspective around like a ball, but it is a very important barometer. What we think and feel versus what actually is taking place.

Now we have isolated the “why”. Does it get easier? I think what it gets/becomes is easier to identify because of the characteristics being revealed. That doesn’t necessarily make the thought process, which is laden with fear, any easier. Now we have the person/ event and the why, yet the solution and final result still are in question. We still circle back to perspective; what can happen versus what really does happen. Therefore, the worst that could happen rests in “our hands” so to speak: at least the part that we can control, our actions and reactions.

Posted in Dating 6.0 and tagged , ,
28 Apr 2026
1 Comment

And I Almost Felt Bad

I passed the community room and caught sight of her thin slight image. Part of me felt sorry for this troubled woman. The other part of me only wanted to be rid of the individual who insinuated herself into my complex and proceeded to interrupt the peace and comfort one wants, needs, expects in the place they call home. I picked up the pace of my walk because I did not want to engage with her on any level. Yet I know and must face the fact that she had become a part of my life. Denial and ignoring her would not make her disappear from my psyche.

I did not ask for her to come to my place and attempt what she deemed to be a normal existence. I am naturally a suspicious person. You are not gonna walk into my presence and become a part of my life because we share a space. I am going to back up and observe you, I am going to analyze your look and behavior. I will likely make an escape from you and your presence cautiously.

Back to my soon to be former neighbor, she is being evicted. One might think I am cruel or cold because in my mind, she cannot be sent away too soon. I am also not alone in my sentiment. We, the residents who follow the rules, say to ourselves and one another, ” One down one to go…” Yet as you see this woman sitting staring into space, the compassionate human inside of you wishes it did not have to be this way. The truth is we all want and need to connect with one another. Human beings are social creatures. Some are better at making connections than others, Then, there are the ones who are downright terrible at connecting.

Where does that leave the bulk of us, in society in general, in a community, in a complex. If you knew that this woman was recently homeless living in her car, that she had gotten a break and able to have adequate housing, only to be faced with the same condition again. Would your heart bleed for her? Or would you ask more questions? If you did you would discover that from day one she began collecting trash and branches from trees to bring inside of her apartment and the building, you would find out that she has a dog that she does/did not have on a leash nor did she pick up his waste until she was told to, you’d hear about her taking things from her neighbors doorways because she wanted to, and how she smoked inside her apartment and outside the building too close to the entrances of a non-smoking community? These are but a few of the violations she as committed since moving into the community, less than three months ago. From a distance, where you are not personally affected, you can still hold onto that human compassion. However, when you find out that she has mental challenges, is on medication that she willfully does not take, the picture becomes clearer and clearer. One might say, she needs some help/assistance to intervene on her behalf…. or one might think what if you were personally affected. Honestly, I accept and realize we as adult humans can and will do whatever we think we want to do. To this I say,” Have at it, as long as what you decide to do ONLY has bearing on YOU. For once your actions interfere with another, you are guilty of violating their individual rights and YOU have no right to do that. If we all kept this consideration of others in mind, and my soon-to-be -former neighbor especially, perhaps she would not be faced with her current dilemma as well as other controversies.

Therefore, armed with some or all of this information one can understand how in spite of all of this, I almost feel sorry for her. Also understand I cannot wait until she is no longer a resident of the building, I call home.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged ,
28 Apr 2026
1 Comment

Great Expectations Too/Two?

Responsibilities and requirements, who gets to assign these things to us? How did they obtain this power? Do we have the ability to take this away from them? Are we just to accept and follow? What about the ones we assign to ourselves?

Sometimes being present, available, and kind gets taken the wrong way. Positive gestures turn into perceived obligations, and one may not even be aware of this transformation. People who are close to you may take it for granted that you simply do this particular thing and it is NOT apparent to you until one day you don’t, because you can and/or you want to.

I had an elder cousin once tell me,” You cannot help everybody”. He was referring to a family member, and it was in regard to himself and his sibling. I remember thinking how selfish, heartless, and unfeeling one had to be in order to make such a statement. I also recall many an elder person state, ” Keep livin” when something happened that did not quite make sense occurred and I turned to them for an explanation or advice.

How do kind gestures turn into jobs? I submit to you all parties involved are good people. Yet, something gets misinterpreted and lost in the translation. One can help another time after time, but when the help ceases, they are looked upon as negligent. Rather than appreciate the kindness for what it actually is the recipient takes it for granted. The provider perhaps should have pointed out this was a voluntary favor. Why should that be? Are we so self-absorbed that now we do NOT realize and recognize that certain things do NOT have to happen. In a needy state we still have the audacity to demand instead of request. That which is important to you, is NOT always a priority to others.

Appreciation can be silent; gratitude should not be, but neither should be turned into more of a JOB than a kindness. That is never acceptable. Look at your “gifts” and identify the fact that they are just that. One day they may no longer be, what will you do then? Will you bemoan how things used to be, or wish for a time go by? Live in the present; behave and believe things change in a heartbeat but know for this moment you are happy that you have what you have. Depart from that Great Expectation and replace it with greater Thankfulness.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , ,
25 Apr 2026

Just Like The Rats?

Several years ago…ok a couple of decades ago I read a piece about how rats respond to their environment. I was quite surprised by the finding. I had always thought of the little creatures as filthy, diseased, vermin. They incited a feeling of disgust and avoidance. This study, however, was suggesting that these rodents are products of their environment. It suggested that if the environment were to be changed so would the behavior of these animals.

I live in a senior complex (55 years old and above permitted). I expected that there should be peace, serenity, comfort and cleanliness. Much to my surprise, there were shortcomings. Retirement in a small city has afforded me a bit of flexibility. Flexibility with my time at first was barely noticed, but now I find myself going through the motions as though I actually have a plan or schedule to keep. When I depart from that delusional behavior, I put myself in a state that gives me gratification in doing something productive. For example, I see areas of concern that affects all of the residents, I promptly report these shortcomings. As you might imagine this is often met with mixed reactions.

Enter the perceived “rat-like” behavior. 80 units is not a very large complex, my expectations are high, perhaps very high. Some of my neighbors, while appreciative of having such a place to live in, tend to disregard others who live here. Not a great deal of loud music, this is sort of surprising because as we age and our individual functions break down. What we have an abundance of is mindless littering, because there are more than one or two individuals residing in a controlled contained area. The overlapping fosters an environment where my dirt can and will overlap yours, even if I am inconsiderate of the fact I am not the only one who occupies the area. This is especially true of common areas. Spills on the floors, papers discarded by merely abandoning them wherever one decides to leave them, hand and fingermarks on walls, elevators, and glass doors; these infractions while unsightly not cause for extreme concern (except when have a former cleaning business owner that is a basic clean freak). The thing(s) that disturb and concern someone like me are matters of health and hygiene in addition to the aesthetic. Our cleaning crew is inadequate by my standards (one lone woman who has 3 levels to clean). She misses a lot. When I get in the elevators (which I try not to) and I see where someone who undoubtedly lives here has blown their nose and utilized the wall for a tissue I am both angered and disgusted. I think, ” They are vermin”. Truth is they are worse.

When then overcrowding happened with the rats there was filth, disease, and rampant discord (fighting, some so violent death occurred). Now perhaps this is an oversimplified, even extreme version of society examined from a tiny cross-section (my complex). Yet all one has to do is see the similar pattern. My complex is not overcrowded; it is mismanaged and understaffed. Few residents care; they are happy to be housed. It is sad that we as seniors feel lucky to have the minimum requirements for life. However, that does not excuse or exclude “us” from behavior that has NOTHING to do with our particular stage of life. I venture to say when these individuals were younger, the same nasty habits exhibited were a part of who they were then, and this is merely a continuation of bad habits acquired earlier in life. Once again, the rats are still better disciplined and or behaved than people. The rats are responding to environment and circumstance, that is very different from making conscious decisions or choices.

My simple solution would be simply move. I certainly have tried to organize to give my neighbors a sense of pride and responsibility. I actually have done some of the cleaning myself. Perhaps they think I am crazy and disregard my words as the ramblings of a mad woman trying to make them do work at this late stage of life, when all they want to do is sleep, eat, and rock on the porch. In that instance they are exactly like the rats, stuck with no place to go and this is their way of dealing with it.

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13 Apr 2026

They Challenge Us To Be Better

We all have a person in our lives to make us aware of the right thing to do, even when we are NOT trying to rise above it all.

There I was ready to relay a story, but I did not have anyone to tell it to. Audience is major when you perform, present, relay information This was the second time in a matter of days that I felt this way. Another dilemma I faced was sharing and my story being misinterpreted. I had to be deliberate and selective. I knew who I wanted to share with, but the trust factor was undeniable. My other choices I felt would not appreciate the seriousness of the matter. However, I was about to burst!

I want to believe I am a good person. Harmless. If I cannot help you, I certainly will not harm you. Yet, I am well aware of the fact that I am very much human. I battled with the first incident. Each time I saw one of the individuals I wanted to share my story with, I kept questioning what I was willing to sacrifice. I actually like each of the people, but I felt unsure of how much I trusted them. I decided my story was better kept to myself. After all, if you were not familiar with the “players” you would have had to be there.

The next story was personal. It was all about preference in dating and specifically mine. I do not feel like I have to defend that and I am honest and open about that. Needless to say, most of us know when a person is interested in them. In spite of making my choices clear, I was still approached. Sometimes it is laughable sometimes it is annoying. This situation was becoming annoying. Yet I was not willing to simply cut ties. He simply held a job in an industry that I refuse to consider in looking for a companion. He said he was fine with being friends, platonic friends. He was also slightly arrogant. I took on the “you asked for it” attitude.

I told my story to one of my moral compasses, her reaction let me know that I would not share it or the other situation with the second person I held in high esteem. She made it clear she did not approve. It silenced me. I did not expect such a judgmental response, but she truly is a good human. I found myself filled with regret, regret in doing what I did and regret for entertaining the idea of the next step. She thought I was not happy that I had shared the information with her and I would filter future stories…nothing could be farther from the truth. You see she reeled me back in. I was not sure that I would meet with something equally bad, but she made me think about who I actually am. Unapologetic but I did feel bad that I was allowing myself to be reduced to that type of being. It did not matter how I justified it.

I returned to the first incident. I realized that I would just have to let it go. I also knew I really did not want to. Therefore, what I needed to work on was the desire to gravitate towards the negative. What I needed was my friend to shake me into realizing I cannot have it both ways. I cannot be a good person and continue to play in the not-so-good person’s area. She forced me to look at this in a fashion that made it impossible to ignore, and she also made me look at that individual i was at that point in time. I did not like what I saw.

We humans carry an assortment of emotions and attitudes, but if we are constantly pushing and placing the responsibility elsewhere then if things end up in conflict to our liking, we have to assume some responsibility. We don’t always want that. These good folks, these moral compasses, remind us of these facts. They truly challenge us to be better.

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12 Apr 2026

Quick Thoughts Leave You Quickly

As someone who considers themselves a writer, I test several methods and ways to get my ideas into a visual form for sharing. Technology has given us many gifts. There are tools that seemingly will allow “us” to produce at the speed of light. This of course is an exaggeration. The ideas still need to be borne from our minds… correct

Currently I am working on being motivated and deliberate. I want to not just begin my pieces; I want to complete them. My biggest challenge is completions. I start just fine but then I get distracted. Once I disconnect for a moment my focus is in another area and eventually my body follows the lead of my mind.

Memory is a funny thing at this juncture in life. Many of my contemporaries worry that tiny lapses are indications of something far more serious. However, that is not always the case. We have to learn that while we must advocate for ourselves, we must give ourselves grace and if we are still truly troubled by health and/or behavior changes, seek out the advice of a trained professional.

Here is the connection; my situation and this particular piece are guided by my writing, mountains of information, and memory. I begin my process of writing, I have to process the information, research it, draw conclusions, and get it written. When distractions take me out of my headspace, I lose something, I forget. I become aggravated but should I be alarmed? At this point I say, no. I say I need to find a way to retain the thoughts and thought processes. This is old fashioned, but for fear of stating the obvious, I am old. Writing down brief notes helps me remember what I intend to write about. It works. Do you know how I know it works? Well, it is quite simple; when I do not employ this process, I forget. I spend a great deal of time trying to recover the idea I wanted to address but neglected to write down. Then I am stuck, stuck because I cannot let go of the idea I had and stuck because I cannot recover it beyond knowing I had this idea.

Is this cause for concern, should I consult with the geriatric department for testing? I think not, at least for now. I think I need to slow down and employ the process I know works, because I have seen time and again what happens when I do not. I get a first-hand lesson in how quick thoughts leave quickly.

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05 Apr 2026

For The Benefit of Your Company

I listen to the stories. I read articles about how difficult and distant we are with one another when it comes to dating. I honestly don’t believe that dating can be defined by most of the standards we, baby boomers grew up with. This is a precarious situation to be in because many of us are in the status that requires us to date. Note; if you are satisfied with your status, of course this does not apply to you. I hate that I feel the need to interact/include individuals that I am not necessarily addressing.

I will be general and basic. What do you want in dating? What do you hope to accomplish? Are you being honest with yourself and the possible companion? Dating used to be so easy when we were teens/young adults. Now we need background checks, medical records and credit reports. Again, depending on what you want.

I tell myself and others, “Whatever it is you are wanting there is someone who can fit or work for you”. Alterations may have to be made but ultimately as resourceful humans this is NOT an impossible task. However, I know more unhappy, unfulfilled, lonesome people than I care to. They are smart, financially stable, emotionally available, attractive or any combination of these characteristics. Men say women are users, women say men are children who want their way. Again general, basic, and oversimplified. Yet it does cover a good cross section of our “eligible daters” category.

We have a perceived sense of time and availability working against us. These are great hardships to overcome. However, say for the sake of argument, we get past those two factors smoothly sailing on our way to bliss and suddenly we find ourselves ” run aground and shipwrecked”! We ask, ” How did we end up here?” Afterall, we made a good choice, we screened this person very thoroughly… what was missed. I think we should start with truth. How honest were we? Honesty with the other individual. Honesty about expectations. Honesty with self. I believe without this basic taken care of, our relationships are built like a house of cards and ultimately, they WILL fail.

As I look back on my trek in the dating world, I realize my journey has taken quite a few twists and turns. I also realize that I had a great deal of self-discovery to uncover. I did not plan on being here, but I am here just the same. I navigated the best way I could, I did not mean to go down certain roads, but I found myself there anyway. Ideally, we should come to this table with a clean slate. Not saying that we have not had any experiences, but we have exorcized the demons of previous relationships, and we are willing to venture out with pure intentions. Yeah, I am a hopeless romantic

Truth is you can do everything right and still end up in the same place as an individual who does everything wrong, for all the wrong reasons. Now you ask yourself, why bother, what is the purpose? My answer is as follows: for intelligent conversations, for belly laughs, for the warmth of an embrace, for the sweetness of passionate kisses, in short for the benefit of your company.

Posted in Dating 6.0, How We Relate and tagged , , | Leave a comment
25 Nov 2025

I Wanna Be Where You Are

There it is in the title a short synopsis of belonging, but it is wide open and vague.

I recently joined a group I found to be exciting and befitting for me. I l immediately was drawn to it because of the name. The name suggested even more that this was a group I not only wanted to be a part of, I needed to be a part of. They exemplified “my tribe“. Therefore, I joined. There were a couple of things required of new members and I had what was needed… I submitted the info and I was accepted.

I smiled rather smugly because I felt accomplished and victorious. I scrolled around my group. I looked at photos read profiles and introductions. Then it happened. I came across an individual who did not meet with the standards I read. I did not acknowledge this individual but observed the responses of others. After all I was new, perhaps I had missed something. I refrained from contacting the administrators at first but did eventually pose the question, “Why is this person here?” However, it was more of a statement than a question because the group was majority against this individual’s presence than for it. Before I could get a reply, here comes another and another. Soon I am reading things like, “Why is this literally the only thing this group talks about?” I am not asking that question because it is predominately being asked by people who do not fit the criterion. I had another question.

Why do you want to be someplace or among individuals who do not want you there? That sounds harsh, it is not, it is factual. I thought of a number of scenarios where I felt I was going down the rabbit hole with discrimination screamed at me, but that was extreme. However, I still had to at the very least glance at it. What if I were at the helm and a case were brought before me? Could I really justify an injustice with the basic question…Why do you want to be where you are NOT wanted? However, this is NOT about justice itis about exclusivity and the right to exclusivity has oftentimes been used or misused for the sake of injustice.

In our instant gratification society, we really do not have time to read and thoroughly examine what we think we are getting into. Many of us skim and scan through contracts, articles, stories. We grab a hold of what gets OUR attention, call it the main idea and we are “off to the races”. The trouble/danger in this practice is what if we miss something and what do we do when/if this occurs?

My group caught my attention with one word… A word I have heard all of my life. I took it and RAN! The word TALL. All I needed to see was that word, all I needed to do was skim and scan because at 5’10” I KNEW I fit the bill. Nearly every important, significant, phenomenal female friend/relative was/is shorter than I am. This did not bother me in an overt sense. When I did take a closer look as I suspected, I was right. The snobbery and arrogance took over. Is that shocking? The abused oftentimes become the abusers. Plus being a TALL as a woman is viewed quite differently than it is being a TALL as a man. Stature scrutiny versus stature status.

Now I am looking at posts deciding which ones I would or would not respond to and this WAS based on what I determined to be what the rules were AND how I interpreted what I read. Before I wanted to publicly address this, I wanted to have facts, information, and YES ammunition. If I am honest, I wanted the criteria to keep our group exclusive. I wanted to enjoy us without being inundated with folks that aren’t a part of our tribe. Yet the very thing that kept me from posting comments without research was the same thing that made me reexamine what I saw/interpreted/read. The founder put verbiage in the group that states what the standards for height and admission is, but the caveat is “all are welcome“.

Therefore, one must ask oneself; do you want to be a part of a group you thought was exclusive, had positives, things you were looking for, or do you want to exit it, as you would have had the ones YOU thought did not belong should. If I had my way, prior to closely reading what was being expressed by the group’s founder, many who are near and dear to my heart could not attend functions that my group might be hosting. Was that really what I wanted? The group founder says, “all are welcome”… I’m still here.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , | Leave a comment

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