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Motivated by a lack of material.

23 Mar 2013

It’s Just Too Easy

I learned or should I see became reacquainted with something I have known for quite some time. This thing was in regards to business and friendship. How quickly and easily that line can be crossed.

My lesson and subject matter falls into the realm of “not mixing business with pleasure”. Now that is a wide open field, so let me narrow it down for you. This is about cheating versus doing things the right way. Let’s concede a couple of things here as we get started, most everyone of us has fallen into each of these categories at one time or another. However, most of us is more comfortable in one area than the other and we individually know what area that is.

Several years ago I was licensed as a real estate agent and thereby introduced to the concept of a fiduciary relationship. This fiduciary relationship was of the utmost importance in this field because misconduct while serving in this capacity was governed by law. Therefore, if you didn’t do the right thing you could end up facing legal consequences. I will NOT tell you that folks do not cross that line, I am simply saying there is a bit more at stake than ones good name.

How about that, one’s good name, or reputation? Fiduciary came to mind because I believe we conduct ourselves in a fashion that fiduciary is implied; whether or not it is stated or proven to be the case, and we are oftentimes very disappointed when we find out otherwise. In our society where we are hungering after dirt and garbage(i.e. media seeking entertainment rather than news) why would something like a reputation be of any concern? Big businesses, small businesses, and even individuals can all be equally unscrupulous; magnitude being the only difference.

We want to feel safe. We want to know there is a place(or person) we can go to and get, without worrying that certain improprieties will NOT occur. Here’s the rude awakening we are avoiding, there is NO WAY TO TELL.  Deceit is everywhere and our naivety makes us easy targets. That disappoints, that hurts, that is reality. The truth is there are very few areas that cannot be likened to shark infested waters, an area that used to be dominated by ironically the legal field.

This is not being harsh, but again simply being real.  EXAMPLE: If you work for an accountant you stand as good a chance with a stranger handling your tax needs, as you do going to your employer. A family member in law enforcement is as likely to give you a ticket as the officer patrolling local streets. I don’t even need to broach the subject of attorney’s we ALL have stories an example. The problem now is the legal  profession is not alone. “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer” comes to mind; but what do you do when they are looking and behaving the same? Understand this is the way “they” get in, the window of opportunity is open and we not only opened it we invited “them” in.

Therefore, you must safeguard yourself and take nothing for granted. Every business transaction should be treated accordingly; do not mistake a smiling face and/or cordial greeting as an indicator of the end result of that same business transaction. One who exercises good manners and decorum should not be used as a barometer as to what one can expect from that same businessperson.

I will end with a touch of levity here; as letter carriers my case-partners and I used to characterize our treatment at times by our employer and/or supervisors with “if you’re gonna screw me then at least give me a kiss”. Nowadays think of your business transactions from the standpoint of, if you are getting a kiss you are probably being screwed.

Posted in As Consumers and tagged , , | Leave a comment
22 Mar 2013
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Sleeping With Anger and Arrogance

What a combination. Add a side of frustration and the recipe is complete. Yes it is complete, but who wants any part of it? Certainly no one who is in their right mind. Sitting around marinating in ones own emotional firestorm is not healthy, especially if it is a negative firestorm.

The intent here was to present two sides from two individual positions, but that did not happen. Sometimes writing takes on a life of its own and the words write themselves. In general, the writing here on my blog is outside observations which have my personal stamp on them because I am the writer. Other times I have to stop because it seems my personal stamp is covering the entire writing. I hope I can successfully turn this generic so publishing it will not seem like a mistake. At the very least my hope is it hits a chord that  gives a sense of “common ground”.

Have you ever watched someone sleep, or awakened to realize the one you were sleeping with was watching you? It is a disarming feeling isn’t it. You want to feel good about it because certainly you would not put yourself in such a vulnerable state with someone who meant you harm. However, the contrary may be the truth.

Think about saying your prayers at night. They are as much ritual as they are anything; but then if your implement a bit of hindsight you REALIZE that not only should you thank the Lord for waking you to see another day, but for protecting you through the night, through your sleep, through your most vulnerable time.

What made the anger appear? Why wouldn’t the arrogance succumb, so that the apology could soften the blows? However, with this arrogance there is no room to be humble. This fuels the anger that resides nearby. They are in the “throws” of a vicious cycle. My friend tells me, “I don’t want to hear any regrets”.  I arrogantly say,” oh there will be none”. What does she know, what does she foresee? Wait, I’m supposed to be angry…and I am just that.

Then to add insult to injury you wake up with one more frown line in your face, or one more headache. Perhaps you don’t wake up, because you were unable to sleep at all and this is cause for wonder…Really.  This is no way to live. Problems are resolved by getting them out there, and talking about them. They will not simply go way if you ignore them, certainly not at this level. Therefore, talk it out and don’t go to sleep with these two elements hanging over you head. It does not make for a restful night.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , ,
15 Mar 2013
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Dancin With The Devil

Waking from a pretty fantastic sleep this thought/portion of a quote occurred to me. I was not happy for I am not wanting to be awakened, and certainly not with such a dubious thought.  Well needless to say I could not go back to sleep and I said,” Well this will be an interesting subject matter to address”.

Several variations came to my mind, the quote of Max California in 8mm, the Nietzche quote regarding “the abyss” morphed into “What if you danced with the devil and the devil looked like you”. Honestly, I have no idea what that  last quote means or where it came from; only my interpretation was something to do with self righteousness and becoming that which you despise. Then I began to ponder things, and I cannot say I was completely thrilled with the results when it came to me.

Have you ever set a “trap” or made plans for someone else and found yourself right in the throws of things yourself? I know my answer. At these time the realization that we human beings are but victims of the cliche’s we try so hard to avoid saying aloud, comes crashing through. Upon further investigation or observation we  come face-to-face with the fact that, we live those very same cliche’s. Denial is simply our way of dealing with this truth.

For decades I put myself in a toxic environment. I did this knowingly and without reservation. In arrogance or stupidity I convinced myself it would NOT rub off on me. One day a midst a dastardly deed, it crossed my mind that I was as foul as the individuals around me. I quickly dismissed the thought and this helped me convince myself I was nothing like “them”.

In the beginning that may have been true, but year after year of exposure to such an environmental wasteland you learn to adjust and adapt, rather than trying to improve or escape the surroundings. Before the ultimate fall I caught a glimpse of my assassin and she had a strangely familiar face.

When the voice of reason tells you to stop and look at what you are doing or what you are becoming,  STOP and take note. There may still be hope and time for you to make the change. If you don’t, well there is nothing like waking to the image of your “evil twin” hovering over you with something designed to destroy you, and knowing that same “evil twin” will derive nothing but pleasure out of doing just that. Now who shall you blame?

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , ,
12 Mar 2013

Say It Like You Believe It

In the throws of crisis, when you haven’t the answer or you don’t know where to turn; what do you do? Well for those of us who have faith, the answer is simple. We all know exactly what we need to do, the problem is do we actually “practice what we preach”.

All of us have been there, in these places that challenge our very being. Things get difficult and at first you are steadfast, but as time continues with no relief in sight YOUR strength is under attack you begin to falter.  We are weak and must realize that we cannot always do it alone. Depending on where you are in your journey with your faith there are”booster shots” available. The trouble with that is generally shots hurt a bit, if nothing more than a sting and in your weakened state even a sting can seem unreasonable, as though you cannot take anymore pain or discomfort.

The truth is you will endure and survive this your current trial or test as you have ones before.  It is the way you will get past this particular one, that you question. Just as the pain or discomfort from the shot dissipates, and the medicine needed begins to make you feel better. My experience has been during these times you have to realize your faith has some partners you must keep with you; they are bravery and trust. All the strength in the world is meaningless if you are unable or unwilling to come forth and show your strength. Your faith cannot sustain itself without trust in a time when you are being tested.

Finally knowing these things are simply not enough; you have to say it to yourself and say it to others like you believe it, but more than saying it you have to actually mean it.

Posted in Ecumenically Speaking and tagged , , | Leave a comment
08 Mar 2013
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What A Beautiful Smile

I love to look at pictures. It may seem odd seeing as I do not like to pose for pictures. Amateur or professional, I have been the subject of some truly awful shots. I dream of the day a true artist will capture a shot that will make me look like I want. Now for the right price I am certain there is such a magician, I mean photographer, out there.  For now I am waiting, patiently?

Many years ago what was left of my self-esteem was permanently scarred by a “friend” in middle school ( back then it was called Jr. High School). We will call her “Darlene”. She was a rotund vertically challenged individual we walked to school together with another friend every day. “Darlene” a name that might lead one to make a connection with darling, was far from that. I learned from her fashion improprieties and mistakes that I could ill-afford to make (i.e. wearing your gym shirt under/instead of  your regular blouse to prevent the time guzzling of dressing for class). She also made me painfully aware that I did NOT have a smile that would light up a room. I remember going home looking in the mirror in the bathroom and thinking,” Uuuuuh, I do have an ugly smile”. I would not smile in pictures for years after that.

Every time I saw an ad for toothpaste,where the actors flashed toothy grins I’d ignore them completely, and remember what my “friend” had brought to my attention. I did not have particularly crooked teeth, nor were they rotted out or even discolored. To be honest there was NOTHING remarkable about my teeth or my smile. Then I saw them( actually I just began to take notice of them), they would stop me dead in my tracks for life. They were dimples. I immediately decided to and did in fact dub them the single most important factor in a good smile (not ignoring teeth). After all how could you not display your pearly whites, when you had dimples to accent them. I began paying attention to them I found my father, my younger brother and sister all had them. They were all around, yet they still were cause for notice.

Off we go on a tangent; defined as (believe it or not) a facial deformity of the zygomaticus major, these little indentures have managed to grace the faces of some of the most beautiful people you know or know of. They are hereditary and some of them disappear with time, as the muscles which are”too short” stretch out with age. Thus one may have them as a child but lose them later in life. We associate the dimple with children or babies, perhaps this is why we think they are so cute and are continuously admired if one manages to hold onto them in adult life.

Think about it from your senior classes prettiest smile recipient to the cover of “People Magazine”. They are the quote marks to a smile.  From Tupac to Brad Pitt, Linda Ronstadt to Gabrielle Union, and the many in-betweens; the thought of their smile makes you smile. While I do not remember my senior classes recipient I do remember one from previous year, he was a green-eyed fellow named Warren. So the good Lord graced Warren with unusually pretty eyes, beautiful teeth, and dimples. The stuff crushes are made of, right? I did not know Warren personally and while amazingly I did not have those kinds of feelings for him; I do remember his name, and it is because of his beautiful smile. I invite you to examine the people you know or simply have seen who possess these little marks on their faces, and see if they do not coerce a smile from you.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , , ,
05 Mar 2013
1 Comment

Of Course It Is Noticed

Remember the first time she let you kiss her, or the first time he called you? These things are becoming increasingly passe’, however the feelings attached to them are not. Technology has made us strange and cold. People connect in the most distant and unattached manner. I used to look at my sons with disdain for not leaving a message when they got someone’s answering machine, but the youth of today would rather text than talk.

Under the guise of not having enough time for “this or that” we convince ourselves these disconnects are productive and we can get back to the human side later. The problem is if you let the human side alone for to long it suffers, becomes afraid, and departs. Like the texts that begin without a greeting, thrive for a little while and then drop off and disappear without warning. You see it happening, but have a built in repellent that makes everything okay.

Now she pulls away when you try to touch her, now he is far too busy to call to let you know he is thinking about you let alone running late. At first the changes are subtle, maybe excusable or explainable, then they become blatantly and angrily apparent,  finally they are as a-matter-of-factly commonplace and ignored. Here in this place of seemingly no change, the biggest change is taking place. Silent planning is going on and there is no sense of it in the conscious state.

The subtle changes take over as he sits at the dinner table with her and doesn’t hear a word she is saying, but doesn’t notice she is not saying a word. Flirty smiles from co-workers and kind words from strangers occupy a place in their respective psyche’s that would have otherwise been dismissed. Why, because of the disconnect.

Special people do not need to  mechanically hear they are special everyday; what they do need to hear it/ see it/ feel it  regularly enough that it does not become commonplace, and they are comforted enough by it’s presence that they know it is there without the reminders. When you demonstrate the way you feel do it in a manner that lets them (the ones you love and care for) know they were not an after-thought, but an ongoing existence in your heart and mind.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , ,
01 Mar 2013
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Everything Has Shifted

The things that I thought worked no longer did. This was not a good look for me.  It was tight where it should be lose, lose where it should be tight, and the color was all wrong. I quickly put a towel around myself. Gravity and time, you gotta love them.

Go on and laugh, because I know you already are. My longtime friend says she has a” DGAF attitude“, do your research on that one. Of course she still can sport a bikini on the beach, and no one would be able to say anything but “WOW”. That is something I do admire. We are oftentimes our own worse critics, then other times we don’t critique ourselves enough.

About a month ago I watched a special on one of the reputable cable channels, cannot recall which one and now I have difficulty in deciding which one(s) qualify as reputable, about a particular plastic surgery that young women are now having. Now we all are very aware that you can have just about anything on your body fixed/modified/altered/improved, but this one made me really mad.

I watched as the young woman’s mother tearfully explained that she would do anything for her daughter and that this was going to make her happy…”Happy”, I thought, ” this is just glorified mutilation”. This surgery is a bit more risky than a” simple” rhinoplasty, although the long term results are similar. It may improve or modify the appearance, but has little or nothing to do with the function. At the risk of sounding too provincial, one has to think who is really going to see the results anyway? Furthermore, these surgeries are still considered unproven by the ACOG.

I remember that campaign in the 1990 that revealed FGM  oh-so-well.  Young women from African nations and Islamic cultures telling the horror stories of primitive tools cutting and tearing at their flesh, loved ones or just other women who died as a result of this type of ritual. Now here we are the nation of “beautiful people” succumbing to the idea, once again, our bodies need tweeking. Do you ladies remember what our dolls used to look like when their clothes were removed? Why are we trying to look like molded plastic.

We are so easily manipulated into believing what is popular is what is right. The mainstream dictates to us, right or wrong. During the Renaissance Age people(especially women) were portrayed and envied for being heavy. Countless painting depict semi-nude or nude women frolicking about in forest smiling, we gain a pound or look at a part of our body that is meant to be fleshy and we are suicidal. Factor in perceptions as to what does/does not look good, what is too big/too much, and you have someone guided by emotion instead of knowledge on a matter that concerns health and well-being.  So it is true everything has shifted; our bodies, our ideas and our ideals. It is fine to want to make improvements on oneself, but try not to carry it to the extreme.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , ,
27 Feb 2013
1 Comment

Why Is That Camera Still In My Face

In this age when a cell phone can take pictures of high enough quality that you want to have them printed and placed in the family album, why can’t we get a decent picture of a person getting on in years. Furthermore, if we cannot get a decent picture why are we still taking them?

I love photographs. They tell a story as they give you a vantage point to the subject. On a simpler side I like looking at pretty things and that is without any prerequisites. Most of us get in a lucky shot here and there, as a photographer as well as the subject being photographed. In my estimation a true photographer is an artist and it is demonstrated consistently in his work.

I did not watch the “Oscars” a few nights ago, but as a matter of curiosity or ritual I always view the red carpet photos. This year was as entertaining as usual. The gowns and jewel were amazing. There were the fashion misses, as well as the disasters. The shock value outfits were very low, maybe Hollywood is actually trying to demonstrate some class.

One phenomenon I did see a bit more of was the aging performer. This is wonderful to see, as we are all getting up there in years. The tribute given to those who have passed on was admirable. What was not good to see was the unflattering pictures of these aging once beautiful faces.

Ladies of whom we wanted to see more of now have more skin than we care to see, and all of it has additional lines and spots. The sexy leading men are now hunched over like the monsters, villains, or antitheses they battled against. The mysterious ones now are just odd looking and strange.

I do not blame this completely on the individuals being photographed though. As I stated earlier photographers are artists and they manipulate what you see and the way that you see it. When one of those legendary performers stepped out and  was surprised by the flashes, they could choose to omit rather than release a terrible look on a seasoned face.

Like the malicious misfits of the writing industry, the ones who used to be accused of “yellow-journalism”; photography has their own bastard child , they are the paparazzi. The paparazzi do not care what the picture looks like, just that they have it. Some of them have nerve enough to cross fields and write things as ugly as their invasive pictures show. We feed them and keep them working though. Our need for sensationalism is voracious. Let’s face it”garbage” sells, because everyone wants to feel like they are one-up-on someone else in any way, means, manner, or form.

Maybe this will give rise to a new industry as it did for the medical community; geriatric photos. I am proud to be 53 and look forward to what lies ahead. I do have a slight advantage on a number of people; because I do not love the camera and it does not love me. Therefore our encounters are limited.  For the people who cannot wait to take a picture a cautionary tip;, digital cameras are accurate, quick, and brutally frank.  Now smile and “Say Cheese!”

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , , , ,
24 Feb 2013

Not Who You Think They Are

Clients versus customers; after 4 years in business I realized I had virtually no clients and only a few reliable customers. Is it the economy, is it the nature of my business, or is it ME? Have you ever thought you had something and found out you didn’t, or considered someone in a certain status only to find out the position you put them in was not proper/applicable/deserved? BOOM! I imagine you have heard a person who you are close to say, “oh ___ is my friend, or my friend ____.”  Then there are the patients, caught somewhere in between the four.

There  some areas in the world of advertising and commercialization that should remain untouched. I feel like the medical profession is one of those areas. During our lifetimes we have seen the family doctor evolve. Doctor has transformed from “the kindly, miracle bearing cure-all” to “the stone faced take-a-number/game-of-chance operator”. Don’t be mad at him; we have done this to him, and by “we” I mean society.

What does it take to open up/start up a business? Well of course it depends on the nature of your business. Yet, when you look at a young doctor starting out, there are considerations that must be taken into account. This new fresh physician has student loans (in most cases) that remind you of the National Debt. Everyday these people take lives into their hands with a perpetual monkey-on-their-backs, and we wonder why their bedside-manner is lacking. Then there are the realities of insurance, insurance that they cannot afford and cannot practice without.

If you are fortunate enough to have insurance you may have an HMO plan. This may have been a choice or the only option your employer offered you, but in numerous cases HMO demonstrates and should stand for Health Maintenance Oppressor. Everyone is given the impression they are getting something; the patient has lower cost reliable medical treatment available, the doctors have built-in patients, but they neglected to tell you about the part that you sell your soul to the devil for these “benefits”. The patient is locked into the types and amount of treatment the PLAN feels is acceptable. The doctor is faced with quotas and time restrictions on the care given.

The other type plans may offer more freedom, but they cost you in time and research. Time that you should invest in finding out who this doctor is; where the degree(s) was/were obtained, if there are significant complaints or malpractice suits pending or settled, and still no guarantees or even a promise that the care you receive will be up-to-par.

What these two sited plans do have in common is the power of persuasion facilitated through advertising. Depending on how much spending power you have this power is virtually endless. There can be a picture painted that would convince the strongest skeptic “_____ is the way to go”.

Plastic surgeons were  once looked upon as the bastard child of the medical profession; they had this reputation because of the stigma attached to elected surgery, and they were among the first in the field of medicine to advertise. Pharmaceutical companies have us convinced that we are qualified to suggest a certain medication to our doctors! How, through the media. If I knew what was wrong with me and/or what medications I should be taking, there would be no need for the physician!!!

Now we have the doctor, pharmaceutical company, and/or plan that can afford to make themselves look good in the media, but fail to deliver what they promise or show on television/or ads, in reality. Who suffers?

We must all be more aware, educated, and informed when it comes to our health and well-being. This is merely a carry-over from how busy and complicated our lives are now. However, it all goes back to the grass roots concepts of this piece. You really don’t know who or what you are dealing with, until you discover who or what they think of you.

Posted in As Consumers and tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment
21 Feb 2013
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Do You Have “Rock Hard Abs”

I smiled when this title came to me. It could take off in so many different directions. However, I made the conscious decision that I  wanted to write on a positive note. In my defense I do NOT think I write on all or even most bad notes. I think my writing is very realistic and real. I do wander off into fairy-tale land at times; that is because it is a happy-pretty place and I would LOVE to dwell there, in spite of the facts. That being said, lets get started here.

This year in October I will be 54. I am getting close to that retirement pension I never dreamed or thought about when I accepted a position with the Postal Service in 1985. God willing, I will see that pension and enjoy the “fruits of my labor”. My grown sons will be 33 and 28 respectively. My granddaughter will be 5 and will have started school. My hope is my health both physical and mental will be as it is today, very good to excellent.  However, I also hope I have finally gotten to those “Rock Hard Abs”.

What does a 5o-something year old woman want with “Rock Hard Abs”? I will tell you. “Rock Hard Abs” sounds like an advertisement, I won’t tel you it has NOT been a part of some ad campaign or even the name of a fitness program. I will tell you that I have romanticized about them for all my adult life.  They, out of all the things that have eluded me, did not have to be included in that list. Yet, I have allowed them to be just that, a part of my eluded list. This accomplishment will paint a picture of a sought after success. Plus I plan on highlighting my very pretty “innie” belly button with a piercing, my buddies in tow for support and fun.

I went on a program prior to the holiday season in 2012 I lost about 20 pounds, I felt wonderful, and I managed NOT to gain a single pound of it back during holiday time. I was very proud of that fact.  I did eat like it was the holiday season, but I kept up my program of going to the gym. The beginning of the New Year rolled around, and while I do not make resolutions, I proclaimed “This year, 2013 was going to be a GREAT year”. Let me tell you so far it has NOT! As I tried to keep a “stiff upper lip” and “put on a brave face”, I have been drowning. I have wallowed in self pity, I have ate my feelings at times, and I have neglected the gym routine.

With virtually (in my mind) all my hard work out the window. I have had to start from scratch. The reality is; I gained 4 lbs and all of them were MOST obvious to me in the mid-section. Thus the “all my hard work out the window” comment. I do concede that I must restart, in a sense, for the fitness routine has to be a constant and it has to be maintained. I now know that deviating will bring about UNWANTED changes in me.

Where is this positive/up contribution I talked about in the beginning of this piece? Here it is, I came to the realization that the problem I have not only exists within me, but that I in fact created it. Therefore I do have a bit of an inside track to the solution. That makes me feel great. Knowing you are the master of your destiny, that you are in control of a situation that challenges you is freeing. Now I can begin to fix this and attain my goal. This of course is a metaphoric piece. Do you have “Rock Hard Abs” and if you don’t how are you gonna get them?

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , , , ,

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