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Archive for the tag “appearances”

And You Appear To Be Normal

I think one of the more challenging things about having a loved one with dementia        ( trust me there are a host of them) is their appearance.  We are so arrogant in what we deem to be basic knowledge;  when a condition or disease or situation presents itself to you and when you are personally involved, the logic flies out the window. You reach for anything that will help you feel better, because you are hurting. You are hurting when you don’t even know it. One day you will , and chances are it will come crashing down on you.

I was scanning through some very recent pictures of my mom, and while she did not look great she did not look like the person she is now.  She has help with personal things like dressing and hygiene. Little things like combing her once beautiful hair, has to be assisted or she will INSIST, her hair looks fine.

I am not dealing with it realistically, I can escape reality because I am not right there. However, when I am there physically, I am still not where I should be. I am putting on a strong face, because when I think about what is happening, when I allow myself to  accept my mom is not going to get better, it makes me so very sad and I weep. I cannot allow myself to sink into that place, because the business of life must go on.  I am grateful she is not deathly ill in a hospital. I do question quality of life matters. She is able to stay in her home with the help of my younger brother. You must understand there is so much more going on though.

Therefore, fair warning and a reminder “Things are not always what they appear to be.”


Worn Out Welcomes

This should be short and sweet.  Only a couple points to make; first don’t do it, second if you do leave quietly. End story right? However, when you factor in _____________ the list becomes virtually endless. Saturday Night Live did a spoof of 1950’s horror movies and theirs was  a trailer called, “The Thing That Wouldn’t Go Home”.  Complete with cheesy music, obvious lines blatantly suggesting departure should take place NOW, and timed screams, “The Thing”  just did not get it.

When you  talk about a guest in your home well it can be touchy. Yet once they are gone you can do things to avoid a  recurrence. Making sure you aren’t available for the next visit, risk friendship by telling them the truth about the previous visit, etc. What do you do when it is a resident in your neighborhood? What if “The Thing” is your next door neighbor who owns his home and your horror movie isn’t about him going home, it is about him and/or his behavior going away, period?

“The Thing” has, in essence, worn out his welcome in the neighborhood. He has not taken the subtle and/or blatant hints. His defiance has upset the cozy environment, now something must be done about him.

They say “You Can’t Fight City Hall”, but you can. The problem is you have to keep at it long enough for two things to happen; 1.city hall realizes you have a problem, 2. you will not go away until they do something about it. Depending on  the size of the city will determine how much noise you must make and how long you have to keep at it.

Sometimes in the midst of situations you may wake to find that you have now become “The Thing That Wouldn’t…. No one ever said that being right or correct keeps you safe from being labeled that which is unwanted.  The truth is having to make someone perform at a higher level is not always welcome. How many calls or complaints from one individual constitutes an annoyance? You think, “I am only  asking that they do their job”, while the party on the receiving end is thinking, “Will you let me do my job”.

When it is finally over and all is said and done, you may come to realize that all that you have accomplished has not had the affect you hoped for.  Individuals who push to a point where all one wants from them is for them to be gone are clueless;  while you can push them out the door or kick them in the behind, that does not mean you will cure that invasive part of them and keep them from doing the very same thing again. You must come to grips with the fact they were never really welcome, just merely tolerated, and now they have reached zero-tolerance.

What Is It About Richard?

I woke to the sound of birds singing, bright sunshine and cold! Ah yes but Spring is here. The music that is playing in my mind is “Under The Bridges Of Paris” the instrumental from Shall We Dance.  “What is it about Richard”, I ask myself.

Come on now, we all have these images of what the ideal romantic mate would be like.  Richard Gere is mine. It is fantasy, and it is fun! I loved and lusted after the likes of Billy Dee Williams, Denzel Washington, Boris Kodjoie to name only a few. No one can hold a candle to Brad Pitt in the looks department and he is/has become basically a saint in my eyes now. However Richard… he will always make me believe what I want to believe, that love/amour is like the scent of  jasmine flowers floating past you on a spring day, unforgettable.

What is it about Richard, women would argue his looks. I see the tiny eyes and rather large average nose. He has great hair though, dark brown salt and pepper or gray, it is great and it looks great on him. Is it the roles he has played in? Can mere portrayals change and alter actual images? Lets look at some facts about the subject of this piece and the object of my admiration. Richard Gere is an educated man, he is a cultured man, he is a humanitarian, he is more than what meets the eye and that is refreshing in an environment such as the one that exists in Hollywood. That is a both a plus and a minus; Richard gives us a picture of normal, well-adjusted, attractive and unaffected, but he is a by-product Hollywood, the place where pictures (which are merely images) are what is what it sells.

When I watch Richard onscreen he is simply selling what I happen to be buying, perfectly packaged, a welcomed escape, an illusion.



How far should we take an obligation? What are the rules? The answers lie within I suppose. Speaking from experience I can tell you these feeling of responsibility are deep seeded, and can lead to years of complicated emotions. You  do grow tired after a while. What may have began as well meaning, can turn to resentment and regret.

There you sit with a self-prophesying reality and it is pretty amazing, or is it. You authored this contract, you made the terms and conditions. Face it you must live up to these things or back out and abandon them.

There are so many hard things to face when dealing with obligation; one thing one must explore and admit to is that there is a factor of care and concern. No individual who has not vested these things will bother living up to an obligation. There has to be something that is in it for them and it may not be anything simple. We may be hopeful that people have a sense of honor, but contracts give you a way out.  There is an escape clause. You do not have a long time to change your mind, but you do have an option.

The most significant characteristic of an obligation is a very simple basic thing; it is generally the right thing to do. Yet we all know that we do not always want to do the right thing. Sometimes we prefer to sit back and “let the chips fall where they may”; nice escape route and you can tell yourself that it wasn’t your fault, it just happened. Sometimes, we feel vindicated or justified in doing the wrong thing for the so-called right reasons. However, here is some truth for you  it is never the wrong decision to do the right thing.

One has to learn to live with oneself , when you get to where you can lie and deceive your very being, you will also find that you do not like yourself very much and would rather not be in this type of company. So tread lightly when it comes to obligations and do what is right, in the long run you will find yourself fulfilled. That in itself is invaluable.

Can’t I Just Be A Hero

Without you ridiculing me for not being able to articulate on your level. Because I am not a polished media personality, can’t you understand and appreciate the good thing I did. I am a simpler person, not in my mentality but in the complexity of my life. Yet through it all, I still managed to do something good and worth recognizing. What are you doing besides talking about what I actually did.

The next time some individual is put out there on the news who is not dressed particularly well, who does not speak with the poise and intellect that you may possess, don’t laugh or shake your head in disgust and disapproval. Look at the bigger picture and recognize the “good thing” they have done. That is what is worth noting and appreciating.

“Hat’s Off to you, Charles Ramsey”. I know at least three people who are very happy about your very presence alone. Remember folks these people that are interviewed off the street have not had the luxury of a script, three hours of make-up, and a wardrobe coordinator. They have an extraordinary experience happen to them, and it is quickly followed up with a camera and microphone SHOVED in their faces. Yes this is oversimplified, but doesn’t the media over expose the negative aspects subtly, while trying to feign a  sincere as-a-matter-of-fact tone?

“I Hit It First….”

Wow! What have we been reduced to in the world of entertainment? The title alone was a sad testament, but then when you delve deeper you have to ask what is going on with an individual who would publicize something like that.  You have to ask what is the character of the individual himself, the woman and the audience he is pandering to. I think too much of my work and my readers to write the initial thoughts I had of this verbatim, it would be filled with blank spaces and blocked out words. Use your imaginations for it would go something like this; “What a f%@$in piece of s&%#, Ray J and the song.”

We have to demand more, we are more, therefore we should not allow this world of entertainment to insult us like this. Clearly I am not a “Ray J ” fan; as a woman I questioned his morals and ethics long before this particular travesty  he  is calling music emerged, but to effectively assassinate the piece and him as an artist, I forced myself to view/listen to the thing. Pathetic attempt to regain the spotlight/limelight is all I can say. It resonates the attitude and mindset of a 16 year old boy and his desired first sexual conquest, after he is dropped by the girl of his dreams without reaching his ultimate goal.  I will not go through a frame by frame dissection, for he may actually possess some talent on some level, but this video renders all of that and all possibilities NULL and VOID.

“Ray J” get a life, find a hobby! Please don’t bother supporting this garbage; it is not worth the time, and certainly not the money. Unless “Ray J” is donating all proceeds to Up and Coming Artist Who Do NOT Want To Suck seminars, where he is the featured example of what NOT to do. My vote puts this “song”into the Stupidity Hall  of Fame with OJ Simpson’s “book” If I Did It” . Who can forget that literary genius. “OJ”, “Ray J” is there something missing in the brains of so-called artist/entertainers with “J” at the end of their names? Well judging by what these two have produced  most recently, there is no doubt in my mind. I can only hope the two of them don’t get together and come up with a compilation, “If I Hit, Then I Did It..First”.

Who’s The Fairest Is Not

I was listening to Jermaine Jackson when I started this. I  thought about a title and several came to mind. It is later on my Monday morning than I would hope for it to be, when this writing bug bit me. This is the second post I started on and was working to complete another two, suffice to say this was not a plan.

YouTube has some really creative people who post music and videos  Yet it was from one of these folks, who I am not particularly pointing out as talented or not, that I have to thank for this. I wanted to hear “You’re Supposed To Keep Your Love For Me”, nothing underlying except for the piano intro of the song along with the emulated birds tweeting in the background. I don’t know what the person who did the YouTube video was going after, but there were pictures of Jermaine from before the plastic surgery CATASTROPHIES as well as after. I shook my head in disbelief and the thought occurred to me, ” I remember when he USED to be handsome”. Instead of letting the song play in the background as I wrote about something else, the subject of the video became catalyst for the subject of my piece.

I watched the pictures turn from one shot to the next. I saw a typical African American teen boy with OUR features; he morphed into an individual with more and more European influenced features, and finally  to some person who had suffered some type of accident that surgeons were attempting to restore on some level. I took it personal.

Yes his nose was broad, but he had a gorgeous smile and teeth. Yes his hair was bushy, but it was healthy and well cared for. There was nothing unattractive about this guy. I thought about the entire Jackson brood and shook my head. I had to ground myself. I did not want to entertain the thought of “how could they think…” You see when I turned 18 I visited a plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills for a consultation on a rhinoplasty for myself. I talk about this without a second thought now. Yet, as I looked at Jermaine I think of how close I came to doing the same thing( just not that magnitude). I know the ONLY thing that kept me from that surgeon’s knife was the fact he told me during the consultation, ” After the surgery you will have some swelling”. I stopped dead in my tracks, I did not hear another word. I grabbed and held onto the thought , “MY NOSE WILL BE BIGGER!!” I did not process the swelling will go down. I left that office never to return and never to think of that surgery except to point out I almost did it and why I chose not to.

Who’s the fairest, we ask that question and never think twice. This line in a fairy tale is ingrained in our heads; and while the men of our group don’t necessarily relish those tales like the women do, they are guided and influence by these same stories. Couple that with the  fact that big screen has given these fairy tales life, and well we are doomed to feeling bad about what we look like. Fairest do you mean color? Snow White is clearly white and I mean an anemic white. That is just not healthy on ANY level and I LOVE Disney movies.

Did you ever go to a Jackson Five concert? Do you remember seeing the guys on “Soul Train“. I did, and ELECTRIC only scratches the surface of them and their presence. What do you suppose your reaction would have been had the family appeared on stage looking the way they have been altered to look now. Micheal’s face taut and so very pale. Jermaine with check implants that look like they have decided they want to be above his eyes and are slowly working their way up. Everyone’s noses abbreviated and pinched. Finishing off with the bone straight Euro-Asian type hair.  This would look more like a Marilyn Manson coming out party.

Who’s The Fairest Is Not may have easily been an “Eye of the Beholder” offshoot.  To sum this all up I have my own personal looks issues; I almost got my nose “fixed”, I straighten my hair probably will not stop, but this piece is NOT all about me. The thing about me is I still see recognize the beauty of people no matter race, color, ethnicity; because beauty is everywhere, including but not limited to the eye of the beholder.  So now go and BEHOLD!

It’s All About “ME”

The title implies, that is which  is true. Call me selfish, because that is exactly what I am.  I am also a deceptive being who hides behind things; my feelings and emotions lurk just below the surface, yet a very primitive thing gives me away, The Look Upon My Face.

When you raise a family your obligation is to them first and foremost.  However, as time goes on things progress and suddenly everyone is an adult and they are living their life, now there is you left. Maybe you missed your chance earlier in life for that self-discovery. It is not too late.

I suggested to my children they live alone before the responsibilities  of  being a spouse and father took over in their lives. I think everyone needs to try to get to know “self” first. I did this and my time as a single adult was a happy time. However, I have come to realize that the individual I came to know and like quite a lot, was not a person who would fit into my current living condition. Being alone does not teach you to share and put any need above your very own. In the real world there are going to be others around you. Never before has “No man is an island” held more true.

Lately, I have been on a mission to get into a condition that I feel is more palatable to “ME”. I feel closer than ever to attaining that goal, and I do attribute it to the fact that I am allowing myself to do something for “ME”. “Rock Hard Abs” here I come. Pictures to follow!

In closing I want to caution you against going too far in the other direction in your quest to care for  and/or love your individual “ME”. Do not become obsessive in this new self love; follow this rule as always “nothing to excess everything in moderation” and you cannot go wrong.


Taboo or Wanton Desire

Naming a favorite it would probably be yellow, if I had to chose it would be something wild and  dangerously fast. My logical mind draws me back, to safe, slow, and conservative. I am none of these. I just hide the facts well. Hold on this is not what it seems to be shaping up as.

Picture a 1959 convertible Thunderbird, I know the 1958 is the year of choice but I am still enamored with all things 59.. wonder why? Plus they look basically the same. The 1995 TV movie “Sugartime” which told the store of Phyllis McGuire and Sam Giancana explains it all.

You give in to the intelligent choice. This is practical for the long term. No one in our age group wants to guess, to question, to wonder; these queries are for the young. We want to be settled, not necessary to settle. Besides for the sake of a quick fleeting enjoyment…? How many of you said “Oh HellYeah!” Congratulations, you are still alive.

A 50+ year old car, a 50+ year old woman, imagine the possibilities. I am in my element; top down, eyes hiding behind “Ray-Bans”, wind blowing in my hair, but a scarf holding it down in the top of my head and yes I am speeding just a little bit.

I was told several years ago by a friend that he pictured me in a Saab convertible. I was not particularly fond of that car, but find irony in the fact it was a convertible. What is it about me and a top down? If it is Freudian then it needs to be black and have a rack as well.. I of course mean luggage. Then I think it would actually work.

Gigi’s and Me

Now I am not suggesting you make this a habit, but I want to share my special indulgence with you. It is Gigi’s Cupcakes! They are close enough to get to with ease, but far enough away that my trips there are NOT daily( my waistline could never afford them). My location is in Norcross, Georgia. GOOGLE them. Gigi’s creates some of the most beautiful and fabulously tasty deserts you have wrapped your tongue around. The look draws you in the taste brings you back. They even have gluten-free cupcakes! Did I mention the specialty cheesecakes… My mouth is watering even as I write this. The atmosphere is of a small hometown bakery, the staff pleasant and accommodating.

How many times have I stopped by for one cupcake and then found myself so indecisive that I walked out with at least half a dozen. I will not tell you about the menu or discuss the cost I encourage you to visit their website or better yet visit a nearby store. You will be happy that you did. For special occasions or especially for YOU,  simply I can’t say that you will go wrong.

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