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Archive for the tag “control(s)”

Ignite Some Happy

I grew up being taught to respect my elders. As life continues on and I watch myself and my peers entering the stage of life where we are considered elders, I see things unworthy of respect. Everyone is due respect, until they do something that takes them out of  that position.

We are growing older without growing up and you might say at 50 something isn’t it time to become an adult? I see our group running around trying to keep aspects of our lives that are fading away(i.e. outward appearances), but they are affecting who we are internally. We should learn that who we are internally is what really matters the most.

Older people often criticize the youth for having no respect for themselves or others, but who did they learn this from. Did we  fail to teach or did we fail to learn from our teachers? Inside of us exists a fire, it may be real or it may be a figment of our imagination. It is good to have that burning within, but hopefully we know where and when to extinguish it, for fire burning out of control is very dangerous.

These  same older people who cannot move as fast as before do not deserve to be run over, but they do not get to hold up traffic and throw you the finger because of your impatience. Think of yourself in this slower place and try to be understanding, work on yourself in a manner that will help enable you to accept the changes of life. Don’t get mad because you cannot do what you once did, instead do all that you are capable of in the state of  THE NOW.  Don’t be fueled by anger. It is unflattering and unwanted. Next time something ferocious grows within you, use it and go ignite some happy.

Hoardertown, U.S.A.

Duluth, Georgia quiet suburb northeast of Atlanta. Part of Gwinnett County one of the largest if not the largest counties in Georgia. Diverse in a demographic sense and down-right picturesque. However, if you look closely we have an on-going problem. Hoarders love Duluth.

I live next door to a hoarder. Now over the years I have to say, I must consider myself very fortunate. I say this because there is a bit of gypsy in me (I have moved around). Coming from a family that stayed in one house almost all of my childhood(and my mother still lives in that home), I have to take into account changes are minimal when you stay in one place. Neighbors become familiar and if you are lucky they are extended family.
While I grew up with that, in my adult life the experience has been different.

Searching for an ideal location, jobs, and economics have played a role on my semi-transient lifestyle. People want to believe they have a right to do whatever they please in the place they call HOME. While in many instances this is true, one must remember one small addendum should be included in that thought pattern; it only holds true as long as you do NOT interfere with others right to enjoy their respective homes.

Many hoarders have mental defects, but can still function somewhat normal. Therefore, their environment looks one way to them and quite different to others. My hoarder neighbor is no different. His living space, the exterior of his mothers home screams to passers-by,” there’s a problem at this house”.
What must it be like to be lost in illusions, what must it be like to have nothing so you imagine the rubbish and refuse you pick up along the road is important.  Couple that with his identity is directly connected to his “stuff” and that “stuff” is worthless thereby translating onto “he” is worthless.
I on one hand pity him but on the other hand want nothing more than for him,and all that is associated with him to disappear.
I wish I could say I don’t hate him, but that is not true. Hate is the first word I would associate with this man and his mother. It is a genuine effort for me to rise above this distasteful feeling. I do not want to relinquish the power the bad thought pattern associated with the word “hate” holds , but do not want to be the bigger person  either. I would try like to see them suffer because they deserve it and I am further angered by his mere existence and this has made me become more primitive. On my better days my wish is for him to simply vanish.
One must always remember that others have rights;this fact makes our society great but during your personal battles the appreciation for this is not foremost on your mind. As I combed through city and county codes, as I contacted agency after agency, as my frustration mounted I saw how our great system allows people who clearly have mental defects to walk and live among us. We, the so-called normal ones ,those if us who are only mildly deranged and manage to remember to take our meds; we must endure and accept people who whether consciously or unconsciously would deny or interfere with us exercising those very same rights. You run into a brick wall most of the time and heaven forgive you if you be incorrect on any level as you seek a remedy for your problematic neighbor. It feels like you are being punished for making these agencies work.

Solution the pen is mightier than the sword . Enlist news services and social media. Contact city, county, state representatives make them work. If you must endure this annoyances, literally let them feel your pain. I believe wholeheartedly the reason we have the animal hoarders and hoarders in general is because it take so very long to get to step one in the process of making these people comply to laws, rules and regulations, and if you let up for even a moment the process has to begin again. No one wants their lives to revolve around such negativity but you must be aware if you stop your problem will not only return, it will persist and worsen.

What Richie Can Learn About Being INCOGNITO

As I read a little about this controversial player, the first impression was loud mouthed-attention-hungry scumbag. He has all the necessary pieces to qualify for that label in my book. He is from New Jersey, he has Italian heritage, he attended school in racial/diversity insensitive areas (Nebraska and Arizona), he has been referred for Anger Management repeatedly, he gropes and molests women at will,  he was named NFL “dirtiest player”  in 2009  are among his accomplishments.. hummmm He hasn’t been looked upon in a positive manner, since high school sports were a part of his life. Get the picture? Now of course I am being extreme with the reference to Italian heritage,  everything else I stand by.  We cannot overlook or ignore the horrid impression  and impact “Jersey Shore and Snooki “ have had on two of my points of reference though. However, I am NOT that narrow-minded. I have no issue with Italians; I believe many of them do have issues about certain characteristics, but all-in-all who among US in this great big human family is NOT in denial on one level or another? Big, bad, and over-the-top. Richie you went too far, it appears(“p.c. alert”). I, in spite of myself listened to this man speak about the incident(s) briefly. He seemed to be doing a very good well rehearsed job of explaining himself. The “Blue Fairy ” in me wanted to believe this guy is JUST a dumb-ass, but my better judgment said,” How naive; how long, how many excuses can you give a 30 year old MAN to make this behavior forgivable?!” I rummaged through interview snippets from players on his team and in the league trying to make this  seem blown out-of-proportion. I was especially critical of the African-American players siding with him. I lost ALL ability to justify or excuse when the “n-word” factor came into play. For that word in and of itself is subject for many and another dialog.  The”n” word also is a source that breathed life and fanned the flame of this controversy of Richie Incognito.

Is Richie a racist, perhaps. Did he make bad decisions, CERTAINLY! Can he recover, possibly. Did he learn anything, TIME WILL TELL! Now here is a little something. His name suggests mystery, subtlety, and NOT drawing attention to oneself. However, his behavior is the antithesis and now it has ONCE AGAIN gotten him in trouble. There are people,and we all know at least one, who would rather have a light shone on them in a bad way than no light at all. Richie Incognito exhibits those characteristics. Now that he has time off, the possibility of his bank accounts being relieved of some of their “weight”, and exclusion from the club he wants so much to be a part of; Richie, you may want to re-think that persona of yours. Research that last name of yours and practice some of the defining traits of someone who exists “INCOGNITO”. Also while you are expanding your horizons and enlightening yourself take note of another word, the word whose malicious and careless use by YOU probably will be the source of your career’s demise and life as you know it. Next time you decide to drop the “n” word think before you speak, and realize had you done this before you may not be where you currently are. Here is a pearl of wisdom for you; IT IS NEVER OKAY TO USE THE “n” WORD! NEVER!

This Year The Spiders Are Bad

I have never been afraid of the arachnids as-a-matter-of-fact, of all the creatures on the insect world, they are by far one of my least offensive. However, this year in Georgia they seem to be everywhere and it seems they are every present as well.

As I removed the web of one of these tiny little creatures from the corner of my bathroom door, it suddenly occurred to me that I was going about this all wrong. I mean the web was small, a minor annoyance and the only reason I payed attention to it was because I was on the floor picking something else up. Yet as insignificant as I deemed it to be, I realized I had destroyed a web in this location several times over the past few days and here it was again.This tiny stubborn creature would not give up, it kept invading my space. Though it was a small corner, there were many corners in my house and if I let this one go perhaps more would come and join before I could look up the invasion would be complete. A coup d’etat in my house!  As I pondered momentarily on what I should do next, it came to me, “The web isn’t the problem it’s the spider”. I took a tissue and smashed the tiny arachnid. The next day I went into the bathroom and I specifically looked in that corner. There was no web and no spider. Simple solution if you realize what the problem is you are attacking. Now keep in mind, I don’t necessarily dislike spiders, but I am not a fan of them either. If they leave me alone and stay out of my house we have no issue.

The House of Representatives then crossed my mind. The TeaParty and the influence they have over the Republicans angers me. What happened to free thinking? Ah yes it is truly the ideology of the poor, weak, and less influential. Who else has the ability to wish for better or to dream? The rich and powerful do not dream; they do not have to,  for their money and power have granted them the visible/tangible dreams. Yet through it all they are still not happy, and that is because they know all that they have will not last forever and the price they have/will have paid for the illusion’s worth of grandeur cannot be quantified.

The song “Everybody Wants To Rule The World”, rings in my ears. The horrid Koch Brothers dry sullen faces flash in my mind and one cannot disassociate the Koch brothers from the TeaParty either. I read over the article in Forbes magazine from December 2012 and had to turn from it, thinking,  “I have to work on NOT being able to stomach information about things(people) I do not like”. I realized this problem I have can be tied to the problem we have facing our country in the political arena. I don’t like you; therefore I do not have time, nor will I waste my effort finding out anything about you. Yet in reality it is not that simple.  The world as it has become increasingly smaller does not allow for the so-called simple solutions avoidance and ignorance have a very short “shelf life”. Where does that leave us? What do you do when you basically want to exist outside of the controversy and conflict, once you discover you cannot. Well here’s my two cents worth; do what I  did about the spider problem(mine in particular) identify/realize what your source problem is and take care of the root cause.

Hurry Up And Wait

I am exhausted.  I have been going through process for several months now and let me tell you it is horrendous! I can only imagine what people who search for years feel like and am grateful I do not have that experience to date.

As a Job-seeker from 1959 in 2013, I have encountered a world of strange and amazing things. I have also had bouts with sheer disappointment and enough “red-tape to circle the globe.  If you are a 50-something person looking to change jobs change careers my first inclination is to tell you DON’T, but if circumstances dictate or you simply feel compelled to do this let me offer a little insight. This will be “fun”.

First things first; if you haven’t been in the market for awhile throw out everything you THINK you know. It has ALL changed. You may not talk to a human being through many of the initial processes. I can say, with a great deal of confidence, you will do no writing until it comes time to sign your name, and even then it may be electronic. You may even be interviewed via the internet( webcam).

The SEARCH: What is it you want to do or think you want to do? Once you decide this do a GOOGLE search and find websites for employment and ones that are dedicated to the particular field or area you want. If it is a general search you have the sites that are well known, but not necessarily a great choice if you want fast results. When you “land” on a site KNOW, KNOW, KNOW you will have to register with them before you can move forward. If they allow you to view jobs before registering, you are still going to have to register to put in an application. Therefore, get ready to submit your vital information and then get ready to submit it again, and again, and again.

The RESUME’: You have to have a resume’, if you don’t stop reading this and go create one, you are dead-in-the-water if you do not. We are going to move forward like you do have  a resume’; make sure it is updated, a contact number or email may be the difference between you getting an interview or not. Keep your information current, I cannot stress that enough. Go to the internet for samples of the particular type of resume’ (field/ industry/profession) most applicable. However, the fact that you have a resume’ will not eliminate your having to register to apply for a job, or filling out an application, in which the very same information/questions are required.  Do a cover letter( a letter that tells why you are looking for “this”type of job and what you can offer “this” particular company), it is an introduction to your resume’.

The INTERVIEW: Yaay, you have done what may seem like the impossible or it may feel like you are waking from a dream. Yet one must approach this process with extreme caution. You have to know what to wear, consult the internet or speak to your friends and colleagues. KNOW where you are going and how long it is going to take to get there and BE EARLY. KNOW something about the company you are applying for a job with.  KNOW yourself, be prepared to answer questions and again go to the internet and view sample interview questions.  Try NOT to be surprised, because today you may be interviewed by an individual or a team (two or more), you may be asked to participate in a group interview where you are NOT the only applicant, it may be structured or not. However, you may not be privy to any of this information until you arrive. Therefore, be prepared for the items mentioned before and then some.

This is not only a frustrating process, it is intimidating and at times frightening, for if you are in search of employment it is because you are in need. You have to put aside the emotion of your circumstances, think on your toes, and move forward into uncharted territory. Preparation and research are your friends, and I suggest you use these tools to the utmost. Today finding employment is like an espionage project; the target(job) is out there, the enemy(competition) is trying to get to it as well as you are, the only thing that separates you and them is…..You have to figure out what you have that will separate you, and make YOU stand out and be successful. Good Luck, and that is sincere.

Do not give up, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I found it; I managed to get to the target, now if only the government will get back to work, so I can.

Coming To Terms And Finding Balance

Early mornings when it is dark and quiet, thoughts are free to float about in your mind. Many people will not have this experience for numerous reasons the most obvious being, they simply aren’t morning folk.  After 36 years of pre-dawn starts, it is my norm.

I was reading a nice story about reconnecting and it made me smile. The story was of a siblings finding one another after 30 years! Exciting right; but if you have lost touch with someone it will bring a bit of melancholy to you whether or not this separation was intentional.

Everything in our lives works or doesn’t because we are in a state that puts us at unrest. We search for a mate, we search for a job, we search for dinner; none of these are impossible to obtain, it is just we are confused about the combinations of what factors will give us satisfaction and ultimately end our search. We want to reach the “finish line”.

Anticipation or exhaustion, you have gotten to your limit. Now that you have made this determination you must live with it, and that may be easier said than done. Here is where finding balance comes in. I tag myself notorious for “thinking things through, and generally I am convinced of just that. However, I also have to note those well thought through, deliberate notions do not always have staying power.

They (deliberate notions) are well thought out for the short-term and disguised as long-term decisions. They say,” Absolutely, my decision, I can live with this”. Five, Thirteen, Twenty-Five years down the line when the only thing that has seemingly changed is you, are you still gonna say,” you can live with it” and remember why it was you made that statement in the first place.

What do you say? It sounds good, feels good, looks good to be representative of something that is beyond a top-surface. Yet in reality, we all know it takes a little bit more of your entire being to really demonstrate ones actual heart. Doing things with conviction versus having an ulterior motive may be the best gauge you have available to you, so govern yourself accordingly. Don’t do things for reaction or results in this/these instance(s), sometimes it may not be what you expect or want. The balance will come if you are truly putting something of real value into what you hope to convey.  Remember, “You get what you give.”

Lovin You..Tests Me Every Day

I think of Minnie Ripperton’s song “Lovin You” so this post has a theme song and if you read on the melody will be the same but the words will totally change.

Let me address the critics who will comb through my title and take me verbatim;  words like all every, never, always.. Well we know that the absolute is not intended they are for uses that addresses the extreme, to amplify seriousness, or to imply how very widespread the thought is. That said, love and loving is a wonderful thing. We love our parents, our spouses, our children, our friends, our siblings and the subsections of each. That is a lotta love. When I talk about tests, one might look at this as a challenge, a difficulty, or simply something to get through.

Most people don’t like test and the interpretation might be a lotta love = a lotta work. Well what of it? I mean haven’t you ever taken a test and done well on it. Think about how you felt then and apply it to love.

My 3 year old granddaughter is becoming increasingly active; at first I was up for the challenge of keeping up, now I must admit it is more difficult than I allowed myself to believe. At times I feel bad because I just don’t want to do anything but rest, and I worry that she will begin to equate me with the notion of people and places you’d just NOT rather be around. All this because I cannot always keep up with someone who is, in short a dynamo! I tell myself it is okay if we skip Monkey Joe’s this weekend and we opt for the Merry-Go-Round at the mall.

What about you parents of teens. The budding adults, who want to be treated with respect and given freedoms. All the while, leaving wet towels in their bedrooms and dirty dishes in the sink. Did they miss the part about responsibility going hand and hand with being treated more like an adult. Here you are a virtual germ-a-phobe living under the same roof as “Pig-Pen”.  You prep for “warfare” verbal or physical, meaning you clean up or yell at them to do what they knew they should do in the first place.  Aren’t you tested, it doesn’t mean you love this child of yours any less, just that a particular part of them tests your very being.

Just for fun let’s toss in some sibling rivalry, spouse relations, and aging parents; I will leave those out there for you to decipher. Tell me if you don’t think love tests you and I leave you with the reminder that the song of Minnie Ripperton, which I referenced in the beginning, ends with a tribute to her daughter Miya(you hear her name over and over) whose crying was testing her very talented parent.

So, You’re Trying NOT To Be Excellent

Seasons are drawing to a close, seasons are rapidly approaching;I am talking sports seasons here folks but this piece encompasses life.

I am both a golf enthusiast and a football FAN(atic)! I have written about my favorite “hate to love him” golfer several times while only giving a group nod to the sport I truly love,FOOTBALL. Today in the midst of mediocrity (my opinion) this post came to me. I struggled through Pre-season football  and I watched Tiger Woods.

One week ago Tiger played a tournament as though he was the only participant; there was Tiger and then there was the rest of the field, and this week I saw a display of what felt like a woman during her monthly cycle, not all there and no visible sign of concern. His scores at the respective tournaments reflect as much too.  I saw him gain a substantial lead last week and basically coast into his victory, while this week he looked tired, disinterested, and ready to get off the course to have lunch/dinner/sex/whatever.  Forgive the sarcasm but I HATE THAT!

It made me think back to a couple of years ago when the Indianapolis Colts(not my favorite team either) came painfully close to matching the perfect season  of the Miami Dolphins and instead decide to sit Payton Manning down one game after the first quarter. Why, because they knew they were going to win, but if they didn’t their playoff spot was secured. They were wrong.  The decision resulted in a loss for the Colts.Afterwards the  front office issued a statement that let you know the record wasn’t important to THEM!  What did they mean “not important to THEM”, what about US, the fans? Don’t we count? Apparently not and I hated that too. I have been pulling AGAINST the Colts ever since.

As a fan I wonder do these professional athletes, teams, and owners decided we have to divvy out wins and losses so the fan base will remain and be interested. There is no reason to display the prowess and superb talent. THE MONEY FACTOR has become so vast and important that everyone who has control of these respective sports and their respective selves have forgotten; without US the FANS, no matter how many sponsors you have, you will ultimately have NOTHING!  Tell me why you would squander God Given talent anyway? That which sets you apart, that which makes people take notice, filling grandstands and stadiums alike; you would randomly toss  aside. Really?

Anyone can have a bad day; but it is insulting to be treated as though we cannot tell the difference between a bad day, and a day when  you just don’t give a damn. I suppose that is why I feel the way I do about Tiger Woods, he is the best but he doesn’t always bring the best with him; he doesn’t care, he doesn’t have to care, AND it shows. Each tournament I pull for him in I am asking that I be put out of my misery, for there is nothing WORSE than having so much available to you and  to treat it as though it is nothing. I need him to break a couple more records and then I shall be free!  Football I will once again site football because of my love for it, but this applies to all team sports though; shouldn’t there be a group effort that move you toward the unifying feeling of conquest and accomplishment?

Now we parlay all of this into life in general; what is it that you do, and do you put forth your best effort every time you do it? Don’t you owe it to the ones who love, adore, and count on you, to deliver to them your very best no matter what that may be. When and why does it become okay NOT to be excellent, when you have demonstrated excellence and know there is still more to give. I mean left-overs are what remains after the planned/thought out meal concludes. They are the extra to be used or eventually tossed out, but by the time you get to them, the memory of what they once were has faded. What do you want to be; the well thought through plan, or the extra remains thereof.

The Last Word

I am going to take you back to the school yard here, the argument that leads to the fight, the calling out. Depending on your selection of words this is where the true blows are thrown.

Sometimes we get into discussions and they turn into debates. Last one standing wins, right?  Well not in Musical Chairs. The need to be the loudest or having the last word is reminiscent of our childhood. The person we were to become crying out, ” I am here notice me, I have something to say.” In adult world it is just down right annoying.  For as bad as being “shushed” or silenced it is equally irritating to have someone constantly placing an addendum to what you have to say. “You do it first, No you do it first, no you…” in an endless cycle until one tires and their silence concedes a victory to the other, is what comes to mind.

Fast Forward today; there is someone in your life that lives, embodies, exemplifies having the last word. To them it doesn’t matter if what they are saying is truthful or relevant, all it has to be is enough to validate they spoke last. They aren’t particularly agreeable and they also need to be right, whether or not what they are saying is CORRECT does not matter. Yet when you encounter them, know you have a very simple way of disarming them. It does require a bit of ego cleansing on your part though. All you have to do is say,” You are right___”. That does not say you agree, it simply says you aren’t going to argue and/or debate with someone who clearly has the answer(s) already, all the answers. This may take a time or two for this individual to catch on but the reward will be great, and you also spare yourself the fate of becoming exactly like the one you are trying to teach the lesson,” It isn’t the point you have the last word, it is that you say something significant whenever you speak.”

“L’eh Me Splain Sumthin Lucy”

For anyone who has never seen an episode of “I Love Lucy” no matter how unlikely that may be; this title is taken from a line a very familiar character, her husband on and off screen at the time, delivered with his slightly exaggerated accent. Therefore this is my lead into a discussion on race.

I watched the news and saw reactions from the Sports World in regards to yet another young player who got caught on video being” human”. Arguably,  he said something stupid, mean, hurtful, insensitive, I could go on. Riley Cooper spurned a debate in my life between the” old die-hard radical” and the “flower child,”read into that comparison what you will.  Nearing the Diamond Jubilee Anniversary of life on this planet affords one some very strong, documented, validated reasoning and opinions. It does not however counteract or even dilute the hopes of one junior in chronology, armed with merely a half century + of exposure and experiences. One says, “It will never change, all the years I have been here shows it”. The other says,” It can change, it is changing, and I believe I will see the reality of that change in my lifetime.

He said,”Well it just figures”.  I did not tell him young Riley was born and bred in Oklahoma, which would have immediately brought forth the reminder of the 1921 Tulsa Race Riots. I said,” I do believe he is sorry”. Ground-work laid for the healthy, vigorous debate. Before we could get started, after my statement, the smirk and eyes rolling up into his head demonstrated what he thought of MY opinion already. I continued in spite of this though. I do not always think with my heart and emotions as certain individuals would have you believe, for I know this young NFL wide-receiver, apology noted and accepted by HIS teammates, is going to have a LONG season ahead of him to say the least! He will undoubtedly be subject to dirty hits, funny looks, and biased judgement for what he said in a fit of anger with the aid of alcohol. We as a society have a long way to go with race relations, but we do tend to overt displays of this unsavory behavior; John Rocker, Kerry Collins, Mel Gibson, Michael Richards can all attest to this.

However to be fair history has made many folks, senior to our group, draw the conclusions this particular counter part of mine has drawn.  He said,” How many times have I told you how they act when they have a little liquor in them. The truth comes out.” As I listened and reflected on how what came out of HIS mouth sounded very familiar; it sounded as though it was coming from a racist, just like ones of whom he detests.

While one element in our society grows tired of hearing about race, the other side of the coin says it is ALL about race, and even though both are extreme I welcome the fact race is coming up at all, for it is at the very least birthing dialogue.  This dialogue is not going to be all niceties and proper, for the subject is ugly and violent reaction would be expected (NOTE: I said violent reaction NOT violence). However, when the smoke clears perhaps some real work and solutions can come forth. We cannot continue to ignore that status of race relations in this country. It is clear that leaving the subject alone doesn’t make it  get better or even go away and die; it hides, festers and pops out mutated and stronger than before.

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