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Archive for the tag “truth”

15 May 2026

What’s The Worst That Could Happen?

Have you ever thought about what could go wrong about one thing or another? Do you wonder why those types of thoughts occur to you? Preparation or paranoia, it happens. You see none of us wants to be blindsided. If we do not entertain the possibility that something could go wrong, we could be surprised. When one thinks of surprises the first thought is not of something bad, but indulge me this, a surprise is nothing more than that which you were NOT prepared for. Furthermore, the unprepared for can be good or bad. That fact, in and of itself, makes one look at the idea of a surprise a bit differently.

I try to imagine that which would steer me away from something I think I want. The first thing you have to do is realize what it is within you that has the desire, want, need for this particular person or thing. You have to delve into the why. Why this particular thing, why this particular individual? That answer will serve as a guide to what your mindset is, what is the next move? How long are you willing to continue on a path that you have already invested some time with.

Emotionally speaking, one’s feelings could be hurt. You could end up with a broken heart; you could end up embarrassed and feel shame beyond what you could ever imagine. If we were dealing with something tangible such as a piece of property, a car, etc. the loss will likely be monetary. This too can also bring up and emotional response though we are really not focusing on things. What’s the worst that could happen is of course a matter of perspective. We toss perspective around like a ball, but it is a very important barometer. What we think and feel versus what actually is taking place.

Now we have isolated the “why”. Does it get easier? I think what it gets/becomes is easier to identify because of the characteristics being revealed. That doesn’t necessarily make the thought process, which is laden with fear, any easier. Now we have the person/ event and the why, yet the solution and final result still are in question. We still circle back to perspective; what can happen versus what really does happen. Therefore, the worst that could happen rests in “our hands” so to speak: at least the part that we can control, our actions and reactions.

Posted in Dating 6.0 and tagged , , | Leave a comment
03 May 2026
1 Comment

Dear Pain

Once again, I wake up and here you are. I am not surprised by your presence. You are not welcomed by me, nor are you welcome. Yet here you reside with me.This is beginning like a familiar song. What is it that you want from me? You are silent and unchanging, for the most part. I respond to your presence in every way possible, but at the same time do not acknowledge you. How is it that this can occur? You are an enigma. I want to figure you out. Perhaps if I can explain your existence, I will be able to explain you away. Maybe my being able to understand aspects of you will bring the clarity I need, and you will leave me.

Dear Pain, I remember when you did not exist. I did not have to think about you, and I did not have to factor you and your existence into my life. I would catch a glimpse of you and hear a story of you from others close to me. I knew all I wanted to know about you. However, it was not personal, and I guess it was not enough for you.

Early one Sunday morning you came to see me and get personal… I was born on a Sunday. I lost my mother and son on respective Sundays after those days represented so much less to me. YOU made me very aware of you. YOU are invasive and controlling. You came back around when leukemia and lung cancer took my younger brother and my husband, within months of each other, which set you up for a long period of residency in my heart, soul, and mind… YOU seemingly do not want to leave or leave me alone. I try not to let you run and ruin my life, but you take up so much of my life. Time, space, are meaningless because you are in the way.

Where do I go from here? I want nothing more than for you to be gone. For you to be absent means that the reason you are with me would be gone, but it is not as simple as that. You were not invited, but you came anyway. You are NOT welcome, but you stay. It is NOT enough to say one wants something; it is incumbent upon us all to take action in order to make that/those something(s) happen. Dear Pain just go away. Please.

Posted in Ecumenically Speaking and tagged , , ,
11 Apr 2026

Sometimes It Just Doesn’t Seem Real

2:13 in the morning, I am actually preparing to go to sleep. I made the mistake of napping earlier in the evening. I am restless, but very aware I need to get that REM sleep. The tele has gone into the inactive state. Now images from my picture library are appearing. I pay them little attention, but then an image of Jay (my late son), Carlton, and Wes (my late husband) appear. It is Jay’s 1st birthday. His face and hands look as though they were dipped in the chocolate frosting. They are all smiling, clearly posing, but they is a sense of joy on their faces. I stop in the midst of my sleep preparation and allow myself to immerse myself in that moment in time. A time when my family was intact, a time where I could not fathom 38 years in the future. The place I currently occupy. For a brief millisecond that feeling is real.

I hear Wes’ voice; I see the kids’ irrepressible smiles. I feel “at home”. Then, my consciousness awakens. I am alone in my bedroom. My “Tiana’ sleeps at my feet (for now). Without thinking but surely knowing, my eldest is in another state with his family, my youngest son and my husband are no longer here on Earth with me. The overwhelming sadness engulfs me. I do not breakdown on the outside, but on the inside what I feel simply returns to the place it has occupied for the past 8 years, ever-present and unwavering.

For a short period in time, we can sometimes let our mind do what is needed, so that we can continue to function. We never forget; we simply learn to manage or let the forces within us take on and take over, that which we are not equipped to. The truth is sometimes it just doesn’t seem real.

Posted in Quickbits, VILOMAH and tagged , , | Leave a comment
05 Apr 2026

Birds of A Feather…

Now more than ever I find myself referencing proverbs. So much can be taken from these sayings and applied to life. Thus, the title of this piece. For the everyday person what we do, how we do it, and when we do it is of little or no reverence to anyone beside those in our immediate circle. It is different for those who qualify as celebrities and public figures. Their thoughts, actions and opinions are subject to immediate and harsh reaction. However, today, everyone has access to something that can give us a level of celebrity, the classification of public figure. With that being said what are we doing with this influence, this power? What do we expect of others that have this same power either actual or implied?

The United States has continuously been a nation that passes judgement on other nations about the moral temperature of other such nations. Now we have an individual representing “our nation” that is far from positive (I will leave it there). We expect people/others to follow our lead, even when our lead is looking quite “jaded”. For wat it is worth, my opinion on my blog is subject to judgement, but there is no promise/implication that the opinions will be given significant consideration…just like every other opinion piece out there.

Most recently we have Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas aligning herself with the likes of Kid Rock, a political party, an individual who is identified as the leader of OUR nation. ALL who/which have time and again said, as well as demonstrated, there is little or no concern for “people” in general as well as specifically (minorities women, immigrants) They choose favoritism over fair. They select money over well-being. At the end of the day, they let all who do not think, feel act, function JUST like them, there is NO ROOM for you in this country that is characterized as, Of the people, by the people, for the people. All the while there is an expectation that we continue to do as we did before this information was revealed, support THEM (especially financially). Yet when they do something that is so overtly disgusting, their defense is ignorance and innocence. They did not know or the information was accidentally posted…. Sound familiar? (e.g. Obama insulting/doctored photos, conspiracy theories, monetary contributions)

YES, individuals have a right to vote for, support whomever, they choose… On the flip side of that people have the same right, and if that means we no longer want to be fans, followers, etc. so be it. That is a chance you take. Please do not take for granted that a base you pandered to is NOT bright enough to see through your facade (Chilli) or feigned ignorance (well maybe it is not completely feigned).

A couple of condensed ” take-aways” here. First, the individual listed is NOT the only one. Next, your when you are in the public eye your choices do have consequences and they are costly. Finally, weigh your actions and look closely at who is your real support. Govern yourself accordingly. See who comes to your concert tours now.

Posted in How We Relate, Order of Appearance and tagged , | Leave a comment
02 Jun 2024
2 Comments

And I’m OUT…again

Wanna talk about frustration. Dating at our age is NOT fun. This writing seems very familiar. Is it because I have addressed it before? Is it that I have written the statement so many times? Is it that I have said the words so often? Is it the fact I live it every day and basically HATE being thrusted into this status without any consideration of my feelings or preferences? The last statement/question may seem odd to my readers but for the cross-section of them that fall into my category there is full understanding. I will try to explain to and enlighten the others.

Now in the past my approach has been to be open and (wait for it) HONEST in my profile. I felt it was the best way to go and I still do. What I have been encountering of late is a “boatload of free spirited, alternative lifestyle practicing” creatures. Most of whom fail to point these things out before they approach you. I am conservative when it comes to dating and my personal preferences. If you are into non-traditional things, “more power to you”. I am simply not a good match for you. In my mind “no harm/no foul”. However, I guess these same individuals like to think of themselves as experts in human behavior or they figure they can possibly bring folks into their way of thinking. By NOT disclosing what their true intentions are, they are simply LIARS.I have no time/place for LIARs in my life. Plus, one should NOT have to be deceitful about who they truly are. Unless they feel like who they really are is not acceptable or they are ashamed of themselves.

Honestly no one can really make you be something you are not or explore things you aren’t curious about already. This most recent event just made me aware of how exhausting the process is and that it may be a good time to take a hiatus from the whole-darn-thing for a while. As the holidays approach it is hectic enough. Most do not want to start a new relationship of any sort during this time period. Too much pressure as far as doing the right thing with gift-giving and how best to spend time together during these special times while one is trying to figure out where this person fits into your life/IF they in fact fit into your life. All of these factors point towards, BREAKTIME for me!

My most recent encounter left me dumbfounded. I happily concluded that all we could have ever hoped to be friends, because of these vast differences. It seemed as though this guy was accepting of a simple friendship. Soon after our friendship was established it took on a dark strange twist. Before I deleted and blocked him, I had to tell him that he should re-examine what his definition of “friend” was/is, as well as he may want to update some items on his profile.

Posted in The Dating Game 6.0 and tagged , ,
17 Feb 2024
1 Comment

You Don’t Have To Lie

He liked you. He was attracted to you. However, he had a secret or what we should say here is he deprived you of some very important facts. Let’s get some pretty important information out here from the start, AN OMISSION is STILL a LIE.

IF you cannot have sex but touch a woman, kiss a woman like you want to but fail to divulge the fact you have practically no sex drive, that is dishonest. Having a physical impairment especially a sexual one does NOT always count the chance of a relationship out.

If you reside with a woman who you used to date, but now you are friends…just because you say you have nothing between you does not make it so. Therefore, the new possibility entering in your life should be privy to that info so SHE can decide if this is something she wants to be troubled with, make no mistake this IS trouble.

Somewhere in your conversation you should find the time and a way to disclose you have been incarcerated, even if it was NOT YOUR FAULT. The challenges you face with a prison record should be approach with awareness.

Finally, please stop romancing a woman you merely want to sleep with. We, women can have sex and good sex without being in love with you.

The social creatures that we (people/human beings) are makes us want to have a mate or a significant other. It does not take rocket science for one to know the males of our species seemingly have quite the advantage. I see it readily demonstrated in the way they behave. We, women show them a desperation that confirms their thoughts. We expect nothing and that is exactly what they deliver to us…NOTHING. We accept mediocrity because we know, they know someone else will take what we say we won’t. Therefore, we select something we know is bad versus the possibility of being without. This also is harmful to the men as well, there is no need to improve, when you are going to be accepted in your current state. Talk about privilege.

Economics have complicated living conditions for many people. Loads of us by the luck of the draw have escaped the justice system. Physical and sexual challenges are a reality for humans of a certain age. However, we must ask for, expect, and follow through with what we convey that which is what we really want. Come on what I wrote about is not a far-fetched possibility, it is real. Many of us live with the less than decent results. Let’s make the standard higher for us ALL to reap the benefit of people striving toward the best they can be, rather than doing the bare minimum and still being sought after. For in the end, with low/non-existent expectations, all of us are deprived of the “win”.

Posted in The Dating Game 6.0 and tagged ,
08 May 2023
1 Comment

Silently Self-Absorbed

It rang in my ear. Words from a “friend” lost along the way. She said, “I liked who liked me.” I brushed it off because I did not agree. I looked at it from a superficial standpoint. This is an excuse for being with this type, or this race, or this whatever. I told myself she IS settling because she is running from the truth, her truth. I don’t have that problem, I KNOW who I am, I am NOT in denial. At least that is what I tell myself.

I started writing this blog over a decade ago. Lots of LIFE has happened in these past 13 plus years. I now find myself writing about the dilemma known as dating. I am NO EXPERT, but I do have a handle on what I have encountered. As a writer I want to cover other things my blog was started as an entertaining little observation, now it has taken on a life of its own and that life actually belongs to ME. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say it has taken on MY LIFE.

This is the age of the Narcissist. We all know one or two, if we examine ourselves in comparison to the definition, we may find that we ourselves fall into the category. Why does this surprise us and why is this piece relevant?

Like the presentation of a dead bird or headless mouse a cat brings to its beloved owner or prospective owner, these suitors delivered an array of meaningless, inappropriate, silly trinkets. Their intentions unsuccessfully disguised in the simplest of fashion. I know this sounds bad but thus the title Silently Self–Absorbed. Of course, they never had any idea how much I disliked what they had given me. They were just moved into the area that prospects go to “die.” The deal is if YOU are the right kind of being, the material gifts could NEVER hold a candle to your character, and that IS what I/we humans ultimately seek.

Yet this environment I must venture into on a regular basis has me doing as the saying suggests ” When in Rome…” I dislike it, I find it distasteful, but I am still pulled into it. The idea of having an individual who does not possess qualities I say I want, need, must have is unconscionable. I had to admit that sounded like a narcissist. The presence of the word “I” was everywhere! I want this, I must have that, I will not tolerate…I, I, I,!

As many of us who are fortunate enough to have a community of”sisters” , I sent my daily greeting to mine. I thought of what I wanted to run passed them, the exploits of the day/night before. They KNOW me and my characteristics, most importantly my “Achilles heel”. It was as I thought of my weakness, I realized something that was mentioned to me regarding a certain behavior pattern I have developed and quite frankly thought was quite good. It was in the midst of my describing what I was doing and rationalizing it, my attention was drawn to the fact that” if the shoe was on the other foot” I would NOT tolerate such behavior… and try as I might to dance around this revelation, it was quite true. YIKES!

Without revealing details of these shortcomings that exist within ourselves we play to a different looking narcissist, but it still is a narcissist just the same. Self-absorbed with justification(s) still qualifies as self-absorbed. And finally just because you do not shout your intentions/ preferences/thought patterns from rooftops does NOT make them any less obvious. While focusing on I/me one might be overlooking that which stares one in the face, in ones very own reflection, with or without the aid of a mirror. Now who is the one with the issue of being self-absorbed.?

Posted in Dating 6.0, How We Relate and tagged , ,
19 Aug 2022
1 Comment

You Sir, Are No Gentleman

I met him about 40 years ago. He was a funny, handsome (by some/many standards), charismatic young man. He was my friend, AND I kept him at-arms-length. I was married but even if I had not been he could not have ever been more than my friend. He was involved in a serious relationship and then there were the others. Oh, how he enjoyed the others. His horrible mantra was “8 to 80 blind, crippled, or crazy…” Now I know one might read this and already think they know my friend. One might wonder how/why I would call him my friend. One might wonder why I am even bothering to write about him. Well, the first thing that must be conveyed is my friend is merely a metaphor for a particular type of man and this is the story of how we can all find ourselves involved with this guy in a fashion one would have been willing to wager, would not/could not happen.

He walked onto the workroom floor in a way that let you know he was trouble. Then he’d flash his smile or pick up a heavy package or hold the door. You’d find yourself thinking and or saying, “You are so sweet”. I laughed as I saw my co-workers fall for him one by one. He had his pick, and he was by no stretch selective. He was an opportunist’s opportunist. Due to his nature, he did try his tactics with me. He did find I was a person of my word. He did not have time to alter who/what he was. There was a plethora of opportunity around, AND they were FAR less trouble. Thus, we became friends. He and I had philosophical discussions of the ills of his behavior, treatment of women, and his disregard of relationships. In my 20’s I pegged him, I also pegged his kinder, more subtle counterpart (the classic wolf in sheep’s clothing). Yet, through-it-all the reality of the situation, was we were all friends.

Years later, miles apart I discovered my friend had passed away from a heart attack. I found out from his counterpart, who continuously denied being anything like his buddy, all the while demonstrating he was exactly the same guy. It was no surprise (to me) that I did end up being personally involved with the “wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing” once I was widowed. I walked into it with my eyes wide open. I did fortunately escape. Even though I did not really want to escape. Nothing would have pleased me more than to be the one that captured the “wolf”. However, because I had been so “close ” to him, I could NOT ignore the signs.

As I fast forward, as I look at yet another archetype…I do wonder HOW I found myself involved with a new “wolf”! Too old, too smart, too sophisticated, too experienced for such nonsense to take place…yet it did. I can happily and not so happily say, I got out with minimal damage. I cannot help but send out the warning. It is as in all situations, someone doing something bad makes it hard for a righteous person or one trying to do the right thing. Somewhere out there a true gentleman, a true romantic, a truly good guy will have to be subject to scrutiny and suspicion Additionally, possible good relationships will be jeopardized and ultimately fail because of these bad actors and the need to protect our hearts, souls and purses. Be safe out there ladies, the wolves walk among us. They can appear to be sweet, chivalrous, good, kind, and yes church-going-fellows…BUT they are by no stretch GENTLEMEN.

Posted in How We Relate, The Dating Game 6.0 and tagged , ,
26 Jun 2022
1 Comment

Just Somebody I Used To Know

I was about 18 years old and madly in love…with a young man who was NOT in love with me. One day while I was sitting at my job looking sad, likely just finishing my daily cry, one of my friends who was quite handsome himself, came to me and asked what was wrong. I told him of my lament. He sweetly told me, all you have to do is stop letting him have the power to hurt you, all you have to do is let him go. While that sounds like it is almost too simple to work, it was good advice. He was right. That’s another story, however it sets the tone for this piece.

In the wake of political decisions that seemingly are hurling us into our backward pasts, our friends, family, associates are polarized and vocal. It is happening in places and with individuals you could never imagine. Mine occurred in a subtle, innocent conversation with somebody I used to know. What started off and was, I believe was intended to be a casual, friendly talk and possible meet-up/reconnect became an eye-opening startle. The arrogance and entitlement came blustering through. I guess he thought he was being funny and cute. He may not even be aware that he was coming off offensive to me, for it was the undertones that came blaring out at me, even though he was not exactly directing his smug thinking at me.

Perhaps he had a bad day, maybe it was a direct encounter that prompted the talk. He could have been coming to someone he felt was close enough to in order feel something other than what he conveyed…end result is he unwittingly, unknowingly showed me something that made me feel quite happy we were no longer involved, and our contact was sporadic. Furthermore, he made me know that we cannot be ANYTHING even on the most miniscule level. I don’t even want to be in the same room with him. In my “eyes” he is a cretin. He disguised himself well, but the truth is any one of us can behave ourselves for a short period of time. What I find so ironic is that he did not consider the consequences of him revealing himself to me or affecting me in such a way that was not positive. Therefore, he had no reason to think I would not want to be in his presence. He clearly sees nothing wrong with what he said and that makes “us” having interaction even more ridiculous.

I thought maybe being around me, my ways, my points of view made him consider things outside his norm. There did not seem to be any communication issues, we talked a lot. However, once we were no longer involved, he was allowed/forced back to what was his comfort zone, the small narrowminded spaces he occupied along with the same type of people overtook him and returned him to something he had considered venturing away from.

I wish I was a big enough person to want to “pull his coat-tail”, I wish I could get beyond my being offended to try to inform and enlighten a once seemingly good person. I am not, all I want him to do is go back where he came from, no longer invade my space and allow me to forget I ever met such a human. Then if I ever by chance run into and cannot avoid him completely, I can tell myself he is somebody I used to know, with a question-mark.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , ,
31 May 2022

Perfect For Me

Okay the universe has jokes. I am quite serious here and furthermore it’s sense of humor is in poor taste!

One minute you are moving along ready to finish a good night’s sleep, when you are awakened to find yourself in the throes of a nightmare…a nightmare that you cannot awake from. Spiraling and spiraling until finally you do wake only it is to an existence you have no knowledge or recollection of.

In this new place you are beginning to pull yourself together, you have been successful in dodging the new obstacles put in your path. Now you are at a point where there is “light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel” and in he walks.

He is simply, more of everything you think you want. How is that possible? You go from not truly believing he actually exists, to thoughts of “how nice it is going to be to settle down…at least for a night or two. Here it comes another obstacle, the perpetual curve ball. You now get to watch him slowly walk away and disappear into the same light you thought signaled an end to the bleak and sad places you occupy.

It is one thing to experience the disappointment in finding out what you thought and believed you want/need in a mate is a step away from a sheer “fairytale”, it is quite another to come face to face with it in human form virtually inches from your grasp. The truth is both scenarios yield the very same results, and it is not a “happy ending” for you.

We spent hours eating and then just talking. The lunch menu changed to the dinner menu. He must have left a generous tip because we were only met with an occasional glance as folks lined up outside awaiting a table and we occupied one that would accommodate a group of 5 or more people. Unable to get beyond this encounter and wondering could it be possible the universe was at last going to allow things to be righted for me. This is where I get to convey it felt like it went well, but common sense told me this would never happen. for the obstacles were REAL.

All in all, I had met a nice guy, a new friend but still I was to be plagued with the “what if’s”. What if I had never moved, what if he lived closer, what if we had met before I moved, what if I move back… the possibilities were endless. I daydreamed about this being the one I longed and wanted for. I also shook myself back into the realm of reality… the other state felt so much better.

Driving back home I thought of song lyrics…”a taste of honey is worse than none at all”. I was happy and sad this had not gone farther with the one who checked all of my boxes. Barring the really important one.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , | Leave a comment

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