hafacenturyncounting

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Archive for the tag “perceptions”

03 Dec 2015
1 Comment

I Wish I Could Dance

As I sit at my computer and listen to the silliest music ever (but I love it just the same) over and over again (my family get this), I find myself wanting to tap my foot sway my body, nod my head. I wish I could dance, because dancing seems to be a happy thing to do. This time of year, I just want to be happy. I just want the people I care about to be happy. Honestly, I want everyone to experience that kind of happy. However, I am VERY uncoordinated. I am also very aware of this fact and do not want to feel embarrassed by my lack of rhythm. I will sit on the sidelines to watch and admire others. My granddaughter and I dance together, but I am so bad that even she in her five years, recognizes Abuela  looks like she is in trouble so she better sit down. I imagine Kai (my grandson) when he gets older, will stop me as well. Smile, laugh, because I am and I do. They bring me unadulterated JOY.  Grandchildren do that for you.

A very good friend of mine, my Libra sister Tammy sent me a DVD of the Jackson Five cartoon series, now remember she sent the DVD to ME. Well I played the video while I was in Addison’s room(at my house) and she was engrossed on the computer. She stopped and came over sat besides me and started watching. Soon she was standing up singing along and dancing to the music from a 1971 cartoon. I got up and we danced together wildly..and this time she did not stop me. This went on for about 10 minutes solid.

So for no apparent reason at all, I needed a smile today and I thought of Addison, The Jackson Five and how I wished I could dance. Then I realized when those two circumstances come together whether or not I can, I do.

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Posted in Quickbits and tagged ,
02 Jun 2015
1 Comment

“How Do I Feel About My Country…

And how does my country feel about me.” I wish I could write about so many other things besides race in America, but I cannot. I cannot ignore that race exist, I cannot ignore that people use it as a means to exclude, I cannot ignore that it affects me every waking hour of every single day. I have figured out, like millions of other African Americans, how to move on forward in spite of how I feel.

What does it feel like to wake in the morning and NOT wonder how you will be put in a spot that makes you have to justify your being there, or walking into a room and NOT have your skin color along with hair texture noted, before any other credential you may possess. What is worse,  is feeling that I may never experience this feeling. I push forward, I try NOT to focus on this, but at the same time I have to be aware and remain sensitive to this UGLINESS. On a gorgeous clear, spring day as I take in the sights sounds and fragrances, I must pull myself back and place myself in tune with the hostile environment that surround my being.

I read a little note via social media of a relative, of a good friend of mine. It wasn’t even a paragraph long, I got so angry that I wished for that fantasy ability to travel through time for the express purpose of beating the shit outta someone. Yes that is anger and it was out of control, but it does happen. Fortunately, I do not possess the power to “time-travel” cause there are a couple of nurses(probably retired or deceased by now) who would feel the wrath of an angry mother.  This plague, this cancer that consumes our America so, we bother to share and teach it to those who may not know of it directly or even understand it. How cruel we are with it, to take it to a vulnerable one and force it down their throats knowing they are weak, needy, and/or afraid.

I once thought, how whites in America were fearful and alarmed about something that would not happen. I thought white people fear when the numbers switch and there are more blacks, blacks would act toward whites like they had acted toward us. I thought nothing could be further than the truth, unfortunately I now know I was wrong. Black people have been pushed too far; the black society of 2015, is nothing like the black society of 1955. “Annie get your gun.. well Leroy has one too!”

You see/know the separation exists and it is economic; it is disguised as other things but at the root, it is money. The small and greedy no longer want the bulk of it, they want it ALL. I do not want to see our country fall, but I do recognize there are factions here that would rather see that happen than to have the goods divided up fairly.

The divide continues to grow, the crack continues to widen. The differences are NOT the problem, it is the unwillingness of the people to work with the diversity that IS already HERE. Freedom is not free, but it also does NOT exist if ONE is denied it. How do I feel about MY Country..It’s the people, not the place.

Posted in One For My Friends and tagged , ,
21 Aug 2014

Love People

Sometimes I surf the internet. One picture will motivate me to visit a site next thing I know it is midnight.  I have been noticing over the past decades there are a lot of really gorgeous children being born.  Is it the grandmother in me? Perhaps, but I see these little happy folks and I cannot help but smile. They are the best of humanity, they are what we all are until life and cynicism ruins us. They look at a flower and it’s color makes them happy. They don’t run from or smash it because of it’s particular shade they adore and admire it just as it is. We adults in turn have nothing but praises for the babies, “aren’t you the prettiest, sweetest, smartest, most talented little one we have ever seen. And we don’t care who you belong to.

Fast forward about 15 years, those beautiful wonder-filled beings are now starting to make decisions and voice their opinions. They are now met with, “You don’t know what you are talking about, Why don’t you behave better, What are you listening to and What is that you are wearing?” They go from the Apples of Society’s Eye to Menaces to Society in less than two short decades. All the while their main critics forgetting they once occupied that very same place in life. The reason being no one wants to stay in that place of confusion, indecision, and turmoil. We wonder what is wrong with our children as they begin to mature. We love them always, but are challenged to like them. I recall a woman I saw many years ago at the mall in Alpharetta;she was neat and tidy, dressed in a suit, had corporate America written all over her. She was carrying a Louis Vutton purse and every hair was in place. As she approached the counter in the young men’s department at Rich’s(region department store now out of business) this surly, thin,  greasy haired young man dressed in goth-type clothing came to and stood next to her. I expected her to jump out of her skin because he was so far away from who she was, but after a moment you knew this was not just someone she knew, this was her child. The were a curious pair walking out of the store. I shook my head and thought, “You never know..”

These two made me think of how we judge and make decisions about OUR young people. We have issues with our own children, so it is hard to imagine us being any more tolerant of someone elses’ and guess what, we aren’t. Do any of you recall that time in your life? The time when your music basically made your parents or most any adult grimace at the very least. The time when self discovery was coupled with fear and insecurity. The time when your excuse of being young and not responsible was fading into, ” It is your fault, You know better.” The thing that MUST be taken into consideration here is, it was a time of transitions.

Time marches forward some more. Now we have an adult he may be in our workplace being difficult or perhaps she has gotten into trouble and landed herself in jail. The significant thing here in both of these cases is; once these throwaways, these social irritants, were adorable sweet faced babies that we  all loved to love.

Too bad we don’t get to transform ourselves from beautiful-adorable baby to upstanding-citizen adult. However, that is  not our reality. We are human and we are flawed. Your flaws look a lot more serious than mine because I am judging, but then I must consider that door swings both ways that I am also on the receiving end of judgment. My son often speaks of loving without condition; from a Christian point of view, this is a difficult goal but at least it is a goal that is presented to us on a  weekly basis( although it should be a constant basis). Perhaps if we ALL task ourselves with this loving one another without condition on a regular-targeted basis, we could get closer to the goal as well. As human beings if we aren’t challenged we vegetate and die, so it is with ideas and concepts. Take the challenge and make your contribution towards solving the problem of just Loving People without condition and stipulations.  “Shoot for the moon” here, people “because if you miss you will still land among the stars…”

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , | Leave a comment
15 Jun 2014

Daddy’s Baaaby…..

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY; TO ALL THE INDIVIDUALS WHO MAKE THIS DAY WORTHY OF NOT ONLY BEING RECOGNIZED, BUT MAKING IT WORTHY OF CELEBRATION. GOD BLESS YOU !

hafacenturyncounting

As I was driving one morning I saw I tall slender man walking. In his arms gripping him tightly about his neck was a small child. It was chilly this particular morning so the child was bundled up, hat and overcoat, I could not tell if this was a boy or a girl. However, what I can tell you is that child was surrounded by all it needed in the world, the obvious love and protection of this man. My heart filled with admiration, I smiled and thought of the two of them all day long. I knew I had to say something about DADDIES. I got all of this passing these two on a busy four lane street.

Love is a funny thing. We speak of it or don’t say a word about it. We oversimplify the impact of it and we take it for granted. Love does…

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05 May 2014

It’s The People

No matter how you approach it, no matter what time of day it is, there is always drama. What scenario in your life comes to mind? My suggestion to you would be run away from it, because the reality of it is this is outside your realm of control.

The minute you walk through the door you get a headache, you wake up and there is this sickening feeling is in  the pit of your stomach, no matter how you prepare for class you always seem lost; okay work, home, and school are all places we all can relate to but if you think of bad feelings first when you are there  you might want to consider the “people factor”.

What is a place four walls, a ceiling, a floor, and a door. Perhaps it is the great outdoors, with the majestic mountain views or a seascape which takes your breath away, how is it a place can make you feel any particular way? What about that human being sharing a space, with his or her bad attitude that can make the paint appear to be peeling from those very same walls or place storm clouds in your view. Homo sapiens, the top of the food chain but often the morals and ethics of the amoeba.

Today though I only left my house briefly, I had my fill of the people. This isn’t a fair statement for it was  not people in their entirety just a small cross-section, but a cross-section that invaded my space none-the-less, and they were not invited in nor were they welcome. I wanted to tell them, ” get out! go away!” However, the space they trespassed upon was in my mind.

In all honesty I enjoy people; they are beautiful,  fascinating, funny and interesting. Then there are..the others… the ones who cut you off ( in traffic, in the middle of a statement), the ones who play their incredibly annoying music too loud in the middle of the night, the ones who don’t do their work so it has a direct affect on what your workload is like, the ones who tell you “their kids would NEVER do anything wrong” and how could you question their integrity here considering the child came from parents who are rude-self-absorbed- 5150- pricks.

They are in the stores and coffee houses, they travel on the roads in cars and bikes, they are in the doctor’s office and in church . They look like you and me but they house a secret.

I will not tell you how I  truly feel; one should have to be challenged with a battery of psychological tests, apply to obtain a license, and if successful there, they must have a child before the expiration date of those same prerequisites. Then it may appear as though I am trying to run too many people’s lives. However, I do believe we are all boarder line crazy and for us to reproduce without making others aware, is just criminal. I live next door to a guy who upon meeting him you would say, ” Wow, it is tragic that the abortion failed”.

As I bring this piece to a close, I sit in my home listening to  a 40 year old man who lives in the basement of his mother’s house;  he is dirty, unshaven, has a sour disposition, and he is a hoarder. He is utilizing his weed blower to disturb me and my family any way he can, because I called the police  on him for blasting his music earlier in the day. I am further convinced I am right,” It is the People“.

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05 Apr 2014

Worn Out Welcomes

This should be short and sweet.  Only a couple points to make; first don’t do it, second if you do leave quietly. End story right? However, when you factor in _____________ the list becomes virtually endless. Saturday Night Live did a spoof of 1950’s horror movies and theirs was  a trailer called, “The Thing That Wouldn’t Go Home”.  Complete with cheesy music, obvious lines blatantly suggesting departure should take place NOW, and timed screams, “The Thing”  just did not get it.

When you  talk about a guest in your home well it can be touchy. Yet once they are gone you can do things to avoid a  recurrence. Making sure you aren’t available for the next visit, risk friendship by telling them the truth about the previous visit, etc. What do you do when it is a resident in your neighborhood? What if “The Thing” is your next door neighbor who owns his home and your horror movie isn’t about him going home, it is about him and/or his behavior going away, period?

“The Thing” has, in essence, worn out his welcome in the neighborhood. He has not taken the subtle and/or blatant hints. His defiance has upset the cozy environment, now something must be done about him.

They say “You Can’t Fight City Hall”, but you can. The problem is you have to keep at it long enough for two things to happen; 1.city hall realizes you have a problem, 2. you will not go away until they do something about it. Depending on  the size of the city will determine how much noise you must make and how long you have to keep at it.

Sometimes in the midst of situations you may wake to find that you have now become “The Thing That Wouldn’t….“ No one ever said that being right or correct keeps you safe from being labeled that which is unwanted.  The truth is having to make someone perform at a higher level is not always welcome. How many calls or complaints from one individual constitutes an annoyance? You think, “I am only  asking that they do their job”, while the party on the receiving end is thinking, “Will you let me do my job”.

When it is finally over and all is said and done, you may come to realize that all that you have accomplished has not had the affect you hoped for.  Individuals who push to a point where all one wants from them is for them to be gone are clueless;  while you can push them out the door or kick them in the behind, that does not mean you will cure that invasive part of them and keep them from doing the very same thing again. You must come to grips with the fact they were never really welcome, just merely tolerated, and now they have reached zero-tolerance.

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27 Feb 2014
2 Comments

Frienemies Will Come, Frienemies Will Go..

Oh yeah we all have them. Whether you admit or recognize them they do exist, and they exist in your life.  You just may not know them by the name. You eat lunch with them, you attend their parties, you live next door to them. Just when you think they are on your side, you find yourself face down on a sidewalk for no apparent reason, and guess who is the closest one to you.

A memorable one in my life  happened in when we moved to our home on the Palos Verdes Peninsula, my “Shang-ra-la”, over 24 years ago and frankly I can’t even remember the bitch’s name. Forgive my candor. She was rather insignificant in my life other than we lived next door to one another. Her family consisted of two girls and a husband, mine two boys and a husband. Our children went to school together; elementary and middle, they were far friendlier with one another than we parents were. Yet we were cordial, we exchanged niceties, there were brief simple conversations, and did not interfere with our kid’s friendship.

One  hot day I was picking my son up and my car died; I wasn’t so worried about the car, I wanted to get the kids home, and my husband was at work. I saw my next door neighbor and thought, “Oh great I can catch a ride with her, my husband won’t have to leave work and when he gets home later he can deal with this”. No, I did not have triple A at the time. If you are a parent you know the scene at school when picking up kids a stream of cars waiting their turn to pick up the children and whisk them away to the next destination, be it home or some after school activity. So I rapidly walked over to her minivan window and said ,”Hi___ (at the time I knew her name;by the time this was over she had a new one that I do still know) my car just died on me and I was hoping I could hitch a ride with you..” She looked at me with an acknowledging but blank look, then said in a cheesy manner while lifting up her cell , ” You can use my phone.” I put my hand up to say STOP squinted my eyes, and walked away shaking my head. I was livid. I  had a cell phone, the wait was the issue. I tried to justify why in the seconds that preceded my anger. The oversimplified and most obvious was never far from my first thought. The Peninsula was not the most diverse area of Southern California. We waited for my husband to come and we survived.

About three days later, after the mail truck passed I was out at my mailbox and “she” came out while I was standing there.  She gave me this uncertain smile and waved. I glared at her with contempt, our eyes met, I shook my head in disgust, smirked, and walked away. I never waved or spoke to her again. We lived next door to her family about a year after that incident and then we moved to Georgia. Needless to say without any type of exchange.

It is amazing how a simple not well thought-out act can change the course of relationships forever. Looking out for packages when no one was home, watching for strangers, being mindful of children, even paying attention while out and about became stricken from my mind. In reality I did pay even closer attention to those things, hoping for an opportunity to make the decision to be as much of a JERK to her as she was to me.  After all now and understandably so, I would help an absolute stranger before I would lift a finger to assist HER in any way, fashion, or form.

I had to stop myself at some point though and realize/admit that we were never anything to begin with. That is what frienemies are about, they get or are close to you, the feign good feelings/ good will and when you least expect it.. watch-out-for-that-cement-truck-comin-at-you-too-late! Frenemies are neighbors , co-workers, relatives and sometimes they are close enough to be mistaken as friends. They want something from you. It may be as simple as, “I need to know you won’t let someone you know break into my house and rob me blind” or “How good are you at this job and how much competition will  you pose to me in my quest for this promotion” to “I need to know you won’t let my mate sleep with you“. Get this folks “they” (shoe on the other foot) will let someone break in your house, sabotage your promotion, contest the will, AND sleep with your spouse!

Therefore watch out for them. If you run into someone who has virtually nothing in common with you but you just seem to click, or IF you run into someone who you have an amazing amount of things in common with; take a good look at what you PERCEIVE as the connection. For while strange new relationships seem novel at the time, sometimes with a closer look, you may save yourself an unwanted surprise awakening.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged ,
15 Nov 2013
1 Comment

What Richie Can Learn About Being INCOGNITO

As I read a little about this controversial player, the first impression was loud mouthed-attention-hungry scumbag. He has all the necessary pieces to qualify for that label in my book. He is from New Jersey, he has Italian heritage, he attended school in racial/diversity insensitive areas (Nebraska and Arizona), he has been referred for Anger Management repeatedly, he gropes and molests women at will,  he was named NFL “dirtiest player”  in 2009  are among his accomplishments.. hummmm He hasn’t been looked upon in a positive manner, since high school sports were a part of his life. Get the picture? Now of course I am being extreme with the reference to Italian heritage,  everything else I stand by.  We cannot overlook or ignore the horrid impression  and impact “Jersey Shore and Snooki “ have had on two of my points of reference though. However, I am NOT that narrow-minded. I have no issue with Italians; I believe many of them do have issues about certain characteristics, but all-in-all who among US in this great big human family is NOT in denial on one level or another? Big, bad, and over-the-top. Richie you went too far, it appears(“p.c. alert”). I, in spite of myself listened to this man speak about the incident(s) briefly. He seemed to be doing a very good well rehearsed job of explaining himself. The “Blue Fairy ” in me wanted to believe this guy is JUST a dumb-ass, but my better judgment said,” How naive; how long, how many excuses can you give a 30 year old MAN to make this behavior forgivable?!” I rummaged through interview snippets from players on his team and in the league trying to make this  seem blown out-of-proportion. I was especially critical of the African-American players siding with him. I lost ALL ability to justify or excuse when the “n-word” factor came into play. For that word in and of itself is subject for many and another dialog.  The”n” word also is a source that breathed life and fanned the flame of this controversy of Richie Incognito.

Is Richie a racist, perhaps. Did he make bad decisions, CERTAINLY! Can he recover, possibly. Did he learn anything, TIME WILL TELL! Now here is a little something. His name suggests mystery, subtlety, and NOT drawing attention to oneself. However, his behavior is the antithesis and now it has ONCE AGAIN gotten him in trouble. There are people,and we all know at least one, who would rather have a light shone on them in a bad way than no light at all. Richie Incognito exhibits those characteristics. Now that he has time off, the possibility of his bank accounts being relieved of some of their “weight”, and exclusion from the club he wants so much to be a part of; Richie, you may want to re-think that persona of yours. Research that last name of yours and practice some of the defining traits of someone who exists “INCOGNITO”. Also while you are expanding your horizons and enlightening yourself take note of another word, the word whose malicious and careless use by YOU probably will be the source of your career’s demise and life as you know it. Next time you decide to drop the “n” word think before you speak, and realize had you done this before you may not be where you currently are. Here is a pearl of wisdom for you; IT IS NEVER OKAY TO USE THE “n” WORD! NEVER!

Posted in Everybody's Critic and tagged , , ,
09 Sep 2013
4 Comments

“The Butler” A Review and Beyond

A couple of days ago, I saw The Butler. No matter how much one thinks they know about history, there will inevitably be something that rises to the surface to let you know you haven’t scratched it.

At first I did not pay close attention to the demographic of the people in the theater. However there was a delay due to technical difficulty, which gave me an opportunity to actually look around and see who was there.  My friend and I went to an mid-morning show; it was very balanced by gender and race, the age range was (in my opinion) across the board 50-somethings and you can imagine why.

Based on the life-story of Eugene Allen; the movie had all the intensity and impact of that which is genuine. It grabs you within the first five minutes and jars your soul, then it slowly brings you back with astounding and amazing experiences. You will be oblivious to the fact, this is not a real person. End credits and research afterwards brought this back into my recollection.

I tried to think as I watched the story unfold; overcome with emotion I abandoned any hope of connecting facts and information, the objective now was for me to allow myself to simply feel. How must one feel to be opinion-less in an environment of the opinionated, colorblind in a sea of color coded reality, silent and invisible all the while wanting to scream.

The movie began when the character Cecil was a child, the era when my own father was a child; my heart ached as I came to terms with what was probably my father’s reality during that period in America. I tried to escape my emotions as I watched the Presidents, I was aware of, and the events that were taking place during their terms in office. Civil Rights Movement, Assassinations, Vietnam War, Impeachment and “Reganomics”. I reflected on how these historic events touched my life and affected me. I could not fathom what it would have been like, right there at the pulse of these very same events and be stifled. Life does not allow spectators, you HAVE to be an active participant and there are no exceptions. The film did a great job of depicting the turmoil and challenges of an individual placed in a position that went against numerous natural and human reactions.

I wondered what went on in the hearts and minds of an overall unjust people, in the presence of the people their group actively oppressed and harmed. I questioned if they had any idea about what risks they took, entrusting their very lives and lives of their loved ones, with people who had nothing but  overwhelming reason to want to destroy their very being.  I thought,” what a sad, sick society we live(d) in.” Then I related to the “two faces” one must display(and generally does) in the presence of the group in power.

I wondered what the audience in the theater with me thought of the film. All of my friends and family who have seen “The Butler“heralded it wonderful, in short. It is a box office smash, therefore it can be deemed a success. The movie made a tremendous mark upon me and I only hope it has the same effect on all who see it. If that happens it then can be said, “mission accomplished”.

Posted in Everybody's Critic and tagged , ,
11 Aug 2013

So, You’re Trying NOT To Be Excellent

Seasons are drawing to a close, seasons are rapidly approaching;I am talking sports seasons here folks but this piece encompasses life.

I am both a golf enthusiast and a football FAN(atic)! I have written about my favorite “hate to love him” golfer several times while only giving a group nod to the sport I truly love,FOOTBALL. Today in the midst of mediocrity (my opinion) this post came to me. I struggled through Pre-season football  and I watched Tiger Woods.

One week ago Tiger played a tournament as though he was the only participant; there was Tiger and then there was the rest of the field, and this week I saw a display of what felt like a woman during her monthly cycle, not all there and no visible sign of concern. His scores at the respective tournaments reflect as much too.  I saw him gain a substantial lead last week and basically coast into his victory, while this week he looked tired, disinterested, and ready to get off the course to have lunch/dinner/sex/whatever.  Forgive the sarcasm but I HATE THAT!

It made me think back to a couple of years ago when the Indianapolis Colts(not my favorite team either) came painfully close to matching the perfect season  of the Miami Dolphins and instead decide to sit Payton Manning down one game after the first quarter. Why, because they knew they were going to win, but if they didn’t their playoff spot was secured. They were wrong.  The decision resulted in a loss for the Colts.Afterwards the  front office issued a statement that let you know the record wasn’t important to THEM!  What did they mean “not important to THEM”, what about US, the fans? Don’t we count? Apparently not and I hated that too. I have been pulling AGAINST the Colts ever since.

As a fan I wonder do these professional athletes, teams, and owners decided we have to divvy out wins and losses so the fan base will remain and be interested. There is no reason to display the prowess and superb talent. THE MONEY FACTOR has become so vast and important that everyone who has control of these respective sports and their respective selves have forgotten; without US the FANS, no matter how many sponsors you have, you will ultimately have NOTHING!  Tell me why you would squander God Given talent anyway? That which sets you apart, that which makes people take notice, filling grandstands and stadiums alike; you would randomly toss  aside. Really?

Anyone can have a bad day; but it is insulting to be treated as though we cannot tell the difference between a bad day, and a day when  you just don’t give a damn. I suppose that is why I feel the way I do about Tiger Woods, he is the best but he doesn’t always bring the best with him; he doesn’t care, he doesn’t have to care, AND it shows. Each tournament I pull for him in I am asking that I be put out of my misery, for there is nothing WORSE than having so much available to you and  to treat it as though it is nothing. I need him to break a couple more records and then I shall be free!  Football I will once again site football because of my love for it, but this applies to all team sports though; shouldn’t there be a group effort that move you toward the unifying feeling of conquest and accomplishment?

Now we parlay all of this into life in general; what is it that you do, and do you put forth your best effort every time you do it? Don’t you owe it to the ones who love, adore, and count on you, to deliver to them your very best no matter what that may be. When and why does it become okay NOT to be excellent, when you have demonstrated excellence and know there is still more to give. I mean left-overs are what remains after the planned/thought out meal concludes. They are the extra to be used or eventually tossed out, but by the time you get to them, the memory of what they once were has faded. What do you want to be; the well thought through plan, or the extra remains thereof.

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