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Archive for the tag “perspectives”

Wishful Thinking

Played like a beautiful piece of music, or should I say like the beautiful music I sent to him. Just because I could or I simply could NOT make up my mind what I wanted to do with him/us.

This was not done with malice, though it could be considered self-serving. On those summer evenings, while we were miles apart we’d talk for hours. At first it was the meeting of the minds, familiar quotes of Shakesphere or Socrates. We soon moved from one type of art to another. I am reminded of a scene in Tombstone where Doc Holiday calls out an outlaw as he played Nocturne 19 by Chopin. What may have seemed like a part of a dating ritual, without being considered dating was a carefully thought out plan, a plan meant to captivate and control. Before long he would be in love AND he would think it was ALL his idea. The truth be told a man chases a woman, until she catches him.

What do you tell your people about me? Your people, your family that is close enough to know your secrets… Your friends… the ones close enough to know your flaws along with your wants and desires. When you have a free moment or when you make moments free and I cross your mind, what do you tell yourself.

I take your calls, does that mean no one else is calling?

Then there is the trust factor. It takes time and exposure for trust to take hold, if we are being logical. In this case we possessed neither. Yet, you trusted me anyway. I know your secrets, hopes, and desires. You needed someone to share them with and I was but a click away.

It may not seem like it now, but you were lucky. You still had presence of mind in spite of what you thought you were feeling. When I played my “trump card” you withdrew. It was like someone gave you smelling salts, or you just came out from under the ether. As hard as it may seem now, it is far better that it ended before I totally took over. Perhaps that was part of your thought process, when it came time to let go… something inside of you said, ” Wait a minute, hold on.”

Now you are left with nothing that resembles what you thought you had, what I tried to convince you was real…but you are whole. That is something you likely would not have been, had you let me complete my cycle. You now have time to relive and go over the mistakes and miscues. That is all you have time for, because you have to get back out there and continue your search. The right one is waiting for you, looking for YOU to arrive.

We all make concessions in our quest for the right one. How many, how extensive, those concessions are depends on how much finding the individual means to you.

I’m So Empty I Could Burst

It occurred to me a few nights ago. As the holiday rapidly approaches, those who are happy only get happier. The others, the ones like me, vacillate between hoping it will come and go versus it not coming. This challenge is one I prepare for in recent times but never have been able to get it quite right, at least NOT to my satisfaction.

As someone who has lived through decades of holidays, one’s memory carries one through. Traveling back and forth through the milestones, only stopping at the ones that bring about the sense of being overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with happy, overwhelmed with anticipation, overwhelmed with sorrow. The others fly by like pages of an open book on a windy day. Yet you need something, you need to feel some little thing.

It seems possible to recreate the good, we will fix that same favorite meal, we will play those old familiar songs and we will give way to the memories that brought us this immense joy then with hopes we can sample that same joy today.

Reliving the sorrow is seemingly an effortless act, you simply need to BE. That moment when it happened, the pain in your heart, and of course what the source of this unhappiness was. Ideally you want to come away from this place, but it is NOT so easy. There is a mark on your heart, and it is NOT fading.

Numb and lifeless, but startled back into the now you go along, you perform as though everything IS alright. No one around seems to be the wiser, but in actuality they are choosing to believe you are strong, strong enough to withstand all. You play your role; because they like you, need to be able see that which they believe. There you sit in a room full of others, but you are isolated and no one even notices.

These empty feelings, this sense of being alone, give you a vastness that overtakes your soul. The emptiness is like air in a balloon as it fills up, becoming tighter until it can take no more and then it bursts.

Because I Live Here

On the heels of Earth Day, one may find themselves in activist mode. It certainly seems that way for me. I look around the community, my street and I see signs of folks that are selfish and unconcerned. That distresses and annoys me. I remember a time, not-so-long ago when the airways were flooded with warnings and pleas for US/Americans NOT to litter. While in many places I travel to as well as where I live littering is NOT a huge problem one has to be aware that it wouldn’t take much for the scales to tip the other way.

Why should one take time out to concern themselves with such a matter? I will tell you as I tell strangers and neighbors alike when they see me picking up trash “out and about“; simply, “Because I live here.” Look I do NOT enjoy picking up after others, but the flip side would be to let the trash and debris sit there or blow around. It takes away from the aesthetic of the area and it sends other offenders the message it is okay to toss their trash out in this area too. Thus, the problem becomes unsightly and unbearable, when one can provide a quickfix. We have to feel responsible for the place we live in, not just our small little space on a street, but in the grand scheme of things, for the planet. My hope is not just to get others involved in the clean-up but that the perpetrators will simply stop adding to the breakdown of civil awareness and civic duty. They will see first-hand that someone does actually care even if they don’t. The human subconscious is a peculiar thing, guilt, remorse and responsibility can work together in order to produce the desired effect and/or being. Now this may not work everywhere, it may not be for everyone, but so far it is doing what I want to do for now.

One cannot be sporadic or easily discouraged, this is a battle which will not be won overnight. However, the cause is worthy, and everyone benefits. Be it your neighborhood, the office you work at, or a public park; these places are ALL a part of the community of the planet Earth, and after it is all said and done, we live here too.

But If I’m Honest

His head dropped when he saw her now. She seemed unaffected and indifferent. However, not so long ago he looked forward to the chance encounters, even though he timed her moves. But if honesty can enter this discussion, he’d have to admit she really had not changed. The only thing that changed was they actually had a conversation and they knew each other’s names.

It is not always received well, one insinuating themself into the life/space of another. I think it is easier accepted if there is a not-so-nice interaction, but if one is in the most remote fashion civil, there are individuals who basically take the kindnesses and run. What I mean is all they need is a crack in an open door and they proceed with not sense of caution. These are the same individuals who will look/be butthurt when they are stopped in their tracks.

Many of us were taught as children to be respectful and polite. Then there are the others. Unpolished and unrefined their experience is often self-taught; this does NOT always translate well. Truth is there are people you should just leave alone. That is not saying they are bad/stand-offish/mean. That only says you have to make informed decisions about who and how you approach. There are people who are just EXTROVERTS. They enjoy people and interacting with. What one has to do is NOT mistake a polite greeting as an invitation in. Extroverts attract us; their magnetic personalities make all of us feel like it is not so bad to just be out there, because what comes easy to them, they manage to make appear easy to us. The INTROVERTS may not have the outward appearance of being shy but read the body language. If they turn away rather than speak, the folded arms. They do NOT want you in their space, if they did/do they WILL invite you in. This is by-no-means a clear, concise character study, just things I have seen.

Personally, I am neither an introvert nor an extrovert, defined. I believe I can and do come off a bit (we will call it this for arguments sake) distant. I also believe I do not send mixed messages. I speak and keep moving. In my mind, in my world, that is an example of what my dad characterized so many decades ago by saying Even two dogs on the street have the decency to bark when they see one another… a greeting should be a given. I do not want you to be upset with me by what YOU perceive as implied. I do want you embrace the obvious. Here is where the honesty comes in. If you pay attention and read the signs, you will get an idea of who you are approaching. You will be able to determine how to approach…or not. Finally, you will begin to realize if you had taken a moment or two more and paid attention, you would have made a better/different decision. If you are honest, you will see who is to blame for that butthurt.

Do You Think We’re Sexy?

Remember that song by Rod Stewart…”Do You Think I’m Sexy?” How many of us danced to, sang aloud, whispered the lyrics into the ears of a lover and even laughed at the idea certain individuals would even suggest the mere idea came to their head? Let’s be honest here sexy is not just a look, it IS a state of mind. Back in 1978 many of us were teens and young adults; we were in our most perfect forms and at the height of our sexuality…of course we thought we were sexy!

I recall having a discussion with a “sister/friend about a Human Sexuality class she was taking in college. I remember being absolutely repulsed when she described a film/video the class watched in which seniors were interviewed. Plus, they not only discussed sex at their age, but there were also visuals. I could not imagine why people that age would want to have sex. My immature mind could NOT wrap around the idea of folks with their particular type bodies would want to see one another naked, let alone be aroused by such a sight. Keep in mind I had seen a grand total of ZERO naked seniors. My opinions were solely based on what I could see in their respective faces and therefore I figured the bodies had to have a similar look.

Fast Forward: here I am now that person that I imitated throwing up at the thought of, facing the question of sexuality. We must couple the idea of physical beauty, with physical limitations. Pregnancy has gone from being covered up like a nun (which was in direct contrast to the condition) to painted and bared bellies. Perhaps a better question for “US” would be… Do you think we’re sexual? The answer is as varied as we are, but once again our numbers draw attention to us. Senior dating sites are as prevalent as ones focusing on the young. Why is that you may think…short answer is because we as human beings still want to connect and to be connected. As life progresses things happen, spouses/partners leave us either through death or through divorce. Then we are left to do what our very nature tells us we must do…find a mate/companion/love.

Sex is everywhere on one level or another and that is NOTHING new. Yet as we move forward and evolve, we cannot help noticing the changes in ourselves, our contemporaries, our environment and society’s attitudes. I have said this time and again as I have written in this blog we “baby-boomers” are a group that none of the likes have been seen, we are trendsetters by virtue of existence. Our numbers alone call for recognition as we draw attention to what it looks like to live, grow up, and age in a modern society with instant access to record and catalog it all. Have we changed our minds about sex and being sexy? I say,” YES absolutely”. When you see a muscular young man at the gym or a toned young woman at the beach in a skimpy swim suit, do you judge them or do you fondly recall when that was YOU or someone you would set your sights on? Don’t be creepy or forgetful, it can be easy to fall into those pigeon-holes. Do you think we’re sexy…HELL YEAH WE ARE!

Once A “Playa-Playa”

Walking through the parking lot of a noted senior living complex, I spotted beautiful and bright red Mustang. I could not tell you the year, but it was an eye-catcher. It was the kind of car; younger men want for obvious reasons. It is the same car that law enforcement has been “rumored” to target for speeding and insurance companies govern themselves accordingly. Back to my walk…I noticed more than the red paint job. The car was adored with chrome. The rims were red and chrome, there were chrome door guards, for a moment I was propelled into my past and I somewhat laughingly took a look for chrome mud flaps (there weren’t any thankfully I may have not been able to contain myself). I did however see inside the chrome chain license plate frame “OG”. I dropped my head and had to look away. I was being judgmental, and I could not get a handle on it. There it was, my mind was in a whirlwind…”Oh my goodness, get real, poor guy is delusional, Dude you live in a senior complex!” Now I am still walking but obviously looking at that car. I saw the vanity plates, the car is a convertible, his side view mirrors, and the shaker hood are all chrome. Does he want to be seen or what? I have seen this guy a few times. I never recognize him without his car and when I see the car I basically “tah-tah” him off with thoughts of the level of ridiculousness he must possess to drive around at his age like that. Sometimes I think what he must have been like when he was young…. He is not alone.

There are a few wannabes and maybe actual ” once were’s” who are now “has beens” in the complex. They walk around with cigarettes in hand, they wear various hats or caps, mostly to hide the receding hairlines or the bald/balding heads. They dress in a fashion that is a cross between gardener/construction worker/”tennis-shoe pimp”…you gotta see for yourself. If they are not sitting on the bench waiting for the local free-to-senior’s omnibus running their mouths, they are standing about 100 feet from the security doors finishing a smoke or about to begin one. Gone are their glory days. No more women, no more fights, just reminiscing the days gone by, but with the arrogance (in appearance) that they could still do their thing. It is a funny thing to watch; beings like these guys attempting to be charming and humble. Characteristics they are completely unfamiliar with. I applaud the effort silently, speak in accordance, and keep walking at a fast pace so not to give the impression there is time or room for conversation. What do you suppose these OG/Playa-Playa’s have to say? I imagine it often covers what they used to do and what they “think” they still can do. Whatever it may be I would say it IS indicative of their mindsets and that mindset tells them who they are…for all time.

And the Oscar Goes To….

What can one say when they bear witness to something but have only a few facts? Are we to trust our very own deceiving eyes? Can we believe our betraying ears? What could we have missed? We speculate, we listen to the so-called experts, critics, and fans. In the end the conclusion is as varied as the individuals that draw them. Therefore, let us begin…

For decades now I have made it my business NOT to take in the pageantry, tradition, grandeur and fluff of award shows. This is a far cry from what I once did. From the red-carpet attire to the acceptance speeches, for years I was captivated. Oscar’s, Grammy’s, Tony’s, Emmy’s, SAG, American Music; I made time for them all. I may have not watched from beginning to end but I took in a good part of them. I knew the main players and recipients of the biggest bounty.

As time went on, as it happens, many things changed. People stopped holding these events in high esteem; the events seemed to be losing momentum, the attire was the first to fall on the wayside and the behavior was the next casualty. I recall watching in utter disgust as a band came forward to accept their award and one of the members spat as he walked toward the stage. This was the Grammy’s, and it was held inside with carpeted floors and upholstered seats. We won’t even talk about how they were dressed I had seen enough. It was not a surprise that I no longer held any interest. Thankfully, things improved, and the award shows returned to what they resembled in past years. I, however, was scarred and to me they lost their zeal. The advent of the internet allowed me to get the results without having to dedicate hours to watching the entire event(s). Problem solved.

It pains me to write this, but as with countless others I feel I have something to say. I have an opinion…and we know what is said about opinions. I was positively appalled by Will Smith’s display Sunday March 27,2022. One can argue he cracked, or he was defending his wife’s honor. Henceforth the record will show a black man assaulting another black man on stage, televised around the world. What a pretty picture, Will. As you broke through a barrier you trashed the area around it with stereotypical behavior. You showed the world violence and foul language, in an instant and no one took into account the possible reasons why.

Many things should have prevented this from happening. Where was security at the event? Why was Will permitted to calmly walk up on that stage assault Chris and walk back to his seat and stay to accept his award later in the show? Academy FAIL.

Why did Will take offense to a joke (no matter whether one feels was in poor taste or not) after he was seemingly seen/filmed laughing at the same joke, to the point the felt compelled to behave in such an uncivilized manner. Under the guise of being disrespected he demonstrated disrespect. Under the guise of protecting, he unmercifully attacked. Though he later apologized to everyone EXCEPT who was physically harmed. And no one was fooled by a publicist version of an apology to Chris the next day. Will Smith FAIL.

As unpopular as this may be let us shine the spotlight on the so-called catalyst in this situation…Will’s wife Jada. Jada, who was so deeply hurt and saddened by Chris’ unkind words (NOTE coming from a comedian it is called a joke) regarding her alopecia, she could not find the strength in her very own character to stop her husband/her protector from putting himself in a very questionable position? For as it has been noted, all it took was a look from Jada to prompt Will’s assault, it is very possible/probable a touch, a word could have prevented this chain of events that took place subsequently. Jada Pinkett-Smith FAIL.

Finally, we must examine the man who was the ultimate target, Chris. Chris is NOT a saint. Chris IS a comedian, a comedian charged with hosting an award show, and he did it with the tools of his trade…JOKES. He is not the first comedian to tell jokes at the expense of others, he is not the only comedian to tell jokes at the expense of others, and hopefully he will not be the last…. This IS what comedians do. Actors act, singers sing, dancers dance…. See a correlation here? What Chris did do was, demonstrate class and professionalism under conditions many of us may not have. Chris Rock PASS with honors.

I have heard and read; it was staged, Chris got what he deserved, and let he without sin cast the first stone.

This writer’s take away… have RESPECT and don’t take yourself too seriously. In a joyous situation allow the celebration to take center stage and IF you understand the concept/definition of RESPECT all situations will be handled appropriately.

Misuses and Manipulations

Here we go again. Someone opens their mouth or writes an opinion piece or gets cause saying something that can come back and bite them in the butt. When and where does that happen you may naively ask? You needn’t look far. In our society one that vacillates from 1st Amendment rights to sticking the perpetual foot in one’s mouth it has become the flavor of the day. Yet at the heart of it all we find the real victim, WORDS.

Just because you went to school and successfully completed an English class or two does NOT mean you know how to use words, let alone use them wisely. We have been reduced to creatures that would rather text than talk. Ever hear, “If you don’t use it, you will lose it”. Well folks many have done just that..LOST IT!

Proclaiming the right to say what they please because the U.S. Bill of Rights grant them this freedom. I venture to say if presented that way many of these same folks would scratch their heads in confusion because “they” were speaking of the Constitution. YIKES!!!. This is a pondering research point in case you missed it.

Listen, just because you can does NOT mean you should. Joe Rogan, case in point. I do not follow this guy; prior to his apology for using racial slurs more than once on HIS PODCASTS, he was insignificant to me. I did bother to look him up and found where his fame came from. Still not impressed or moved by his idiocy (my opinion). I have to point out what is taking up considerable time; our ability to take whatever we are fed by media, celebrity, hearsay and then running with it. Please read this whole blog before you tear it, me, my opinion to shreds.

Political views, lack of concern for our fellow human beings, headline grabbing, and greed now shapes the way we see one another more than ever. What’s more we are rapidly losing our ability to physically speak/ talk to one another. I’ll just send a text is a way of life. Therefore, you have a society of people who don’t know what they are talking about, saying things they do not understand and NOT caring who they offend or hurt in the process. There is no room for tact, decorum, or facts in this society thus we are all becoming victims and causalities of this behavior. A great place to hide is in the phrase and one time rule of thumb Absence Of Malice. However, who needs that anymore? Just say anything. (sarcasm)

Take this from me, from this piece. I do not think anyone has the right to use a racial slur. I do believe many more than ones caught on tape (so to speak) do. I do believe in the freedoms granted by the 1st amendment, but I also believe it is misused, manipulated and left up to the interpretation of whomever has a stake in the game at any given moment. We as humans are all capable of making honest mistakes, we are also all capable of learning from them. If I do something or say something wrong allow me to make an effort to make it right. However, if I do this wrong thing in a blatant public fashion, take for granted I knew what I was doing and expect me to accept the consequences. I have no doubt Joe Rogan is sorry, I just question how and what he is actually sorry for. To the folks who do not think an apology is enough then figure out what is acceptable and then be willing to be the recipient of that SAME fate if you are ever caught doing the same/similar. Idealistic… perhaps but then this is ONLY my humble opinion.

My”Bloody”Ear

I just HAD to have that third earring! It has literally been a thorn in my side from the beginning. First, I grew up during an era when it was stylish to pierce from lobe to cartilage. I did not get my ears pierced until I was 16. While many of my other classmates and contemporaries went through the process of string, straws and finally actual earrings my lobes remained intact. Why you might ask. I certainly wanted them pierced like the other little girls. Something about having shiny little pieces of gold, silver, or birthstones in your ears just added to perceived beauty. Not many little girls do NOT want to be seen as pretty. My barrier was my mom. Mom had seen a girl with keloids, rather large ones hanging from her ears and decided she would NEVER pierce her ears and subsequently no daughter of hers would either. As we grew into young teenagers these decorations became more ornate and colorful. I now realized they were status symbols, attention getters.

Earrings had peace signs on them, black fists, happy faces, flowers, hearts, even marijuana leaves by the time we got to high school in the late 1970’s. However, I had “missed the boat” already. The last thing I wanted to be was noticed or have attention drawn to me. Yet at 16 armed with my beautiful best friend and her equally beautiful mother, I got up the nerve to ask my mother if I could pierce my ears. To my surprise mom said YES. Off to the mall we scurried and while I was denied the “pageantry” of strings and straws, I was at last able to finally sport cute shiny objects in my ears. They went virtually unnoticed.

Before I turned 20, I had the 2nd holes in my ears. I was on my way to being an ornate young lady with piercings lining my entire outer edge of my ears and that was where the process stopped. I spoke with females in passing and was informed that the closer one got to the cartilage the more painful and cumbersome the piercings would become. I wasn’t about no pain. Now we had ushered in multiple piercings, the men were now more readily sporting earrings (although men in other countries had been piercing their ears since before sailors went around the Cape of Good Hope and marked the accomplishment with a single gold hoop in the left ear). I still had my same two holes in each lobe without incident.

Flash forward, my inaugural trip to Hawaii I felt incomplete without getting that 3rd piercing. Therefore, I did it. I told the young lady at the piercing spot in the local mall I did not want it higher on my lobe but pointed her to an area that was beside my uppermost piercing. I naively thought she does this all the time if it would be a problem, she certainly would not do it AND she would tell me why. No such thing occurred. I had selected the diamond stud a bit more expensive made of better materials and because over the years I had discovered an allergy that prevented me from wearing “fashion” jewelry without suffering the consequence of itching rashes. I followed the instructions and waited for my ears to heal. The progress did not seem to be moving forward, it also did not seem to be any real problem associated with the piercing either. I wanted to be able to wear hoop earrings to Hawaii but since the ears had not healed completely that did not happen. During the past 4 years I have babied, treated and endured the sensitive 3rd piercing I just had to have! The left ear was the bigger problem, but the right would act up also.

Most recently I was in my bed and that left lobe felt itchy and sore to the touch. I was too lazy to get out of the bed and figured it was time to put some healing, anti-bacterial agent on my troublesome ear. I took the white gold hoop out finding noting unusual. As I applied the ointment, I felt a bit of fluid. It was wet enough to cause me to get up. I then saw the blood. I, quite annoyed, treated the ear. The process sent me on this psychological journey, that gave life to this piece. In the end I have decided if this ear gives me the slightest problem again, I am merely going to let it close up. I have long hair that mostly covers my ears anyway, so my everyday earrings are not so important now.

What I wonder is why it took so long and why such an arduous trip to discover I really did not need another piercing in my ears. A discovery I kinda made about 44 years ago. And I made it without the help of “my bloody ear” or my ear “bloody”.

Senior’s Day Discounted

It had disappeared a few years ago to the dismay of many. Afterall, we have earned any little retail perk the grocers, clothing stores, etc. cared to bestow on us. We all know what the reversal was about; greed AND the fact our group, the baby boomers, are just too doggone big!

I could not believe it when one of the two markets I frequented decided the discount day was to be no more. I then decided I would take MY business to the other store for that reason alone. Low and behold a few short months later my second choice followed suit and my discount day was totally gone. I mean it wasn’t a huge savings, it really broke down to sales tax, but it was the principle of it all. I once again shifted my loyalty to another store, a store that did not give the discount either, but it felt like a “show of power”. This new store never had given the discount, yet I made the informed decision to spend my hard-earned retired dollars at a place that had no real care about where I was in my working career or chronologically in life itself. I told myself, “At least this market did not start something and then abruptly stop.”

Well, I can happily report our senior discount has returned. Here I am paying homage to store chains that are doing something that is a tiny step above dangling a carrot ahead of a racehorse. Yet, we will accept this perk. The parking lot which is normally pretty empty in the early morning of a weekday is packed. I find there is a shortage of the smaller shopping carts, but notice the large ones designed for parents with babies and toddlers are in abundance. I ventured inside; I did not really need anything much so I feel like I can make my selections without the aid of a cart, but I did find a lone abandoned one to utilize. My peers were out in force, moving up and down the aisles with purpose if not with speed. We smiled from behind our masks at one another as we approached the check-out area. I went to self -service to avoid the wait, after all I AM a busy retired lady. I asked the attendant if I needed anything to note I am to get the senior discount he politely scanned his barcode, and I was ready to go. I was not asked for I.D. nor was I questioned about my age to determine eligibility. I simply checked out and proceeded to the parking lot.

I casually glanced around, noticing once again the gray brigade out in force. In a passing thought I found myself annoyed at the speed in which one of my elderly brethren was moving, I wanted to return my cart to the designated area but continue to be socially distance. Finally, the way was cleared, I thought of my mom later in life and how she vehemently objected to going to senior centers, because as she would say, she did NOT want to be around a bunch of old people. What has our society done to us? Then it occurred to me that with that small break in price (given and taken at will) …the senior discount, we too were being slighted, reduced, and yes discounted.

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