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Motivated by a lack of material.

Archive for the tag “motivations”

16 May 2026

You Can’t Even Feel Bad About It

Looking at your phone, the two of you agreed to meet at the appointed time, which is 20 minutes passed already. The waiter has already filled your water glass. You look around and now you are getting slightly uncomfortable. Now you realize why restaurants will not seat you until your entire party arrives. We are going to leave this scene for a bit, but we will come back.

Everyone wants honesty, everyone wants things to be defined. Yet when you get right down to it neither, seems to be further from the truth. I watched a movie called The Invention of Lying; it was funny as well as ironic. Many times, funny and ironic are used interchangeably in this case they both had a place in the film. It explored a world where people said exactly what was on their minds, not to be hurtful, just in an “as-a-matter-of-fact” presentation the TRUTH. Never experiencing life in that fashion it made you think, what would it actually be like if lying was never a consideration or option. Could our society maintain itself in an environment that made people responsible for their actions on the most basic levels.

Dating is about finding a suitable person who can do a number of things. The problem is what things one wants another person to do or be. Will the person be agreeable to those things, can you tell that person exactly what your wants and expectations are, do you actually know? I think the least of the infractions that could occur with these three questions would be the result of do you actually know what you want from another person.

I believe we are under the impression we know what it is that we want from another person, that is until that other person becomes real to us. By that I mean, the ideas and expectations look good on paper. When a person enters into our lives, they are no longer that apparition out in space. This person is right in front of you. This may sound and seem rudimentary but indulge me for just a moment. You never know what you get until you invest a little something, be it time, effort, money. We make purchases of clothing from the rack, until we are able to have our clothing tailor made. We know and expect the same things from items that have very different beginnings and requirements. When the item from the rack falls short, we are not happy, but we take into consideration where the item came from. However, when that tailor made piece does not live up to our expectations, it is “all-out war”. I think this is habitual and we apply these principles to other aspects of our lives, particularly finding a mate.

Back to our scene; do you save face and simply order, throw in the towel and leave, or do you wait a little bit longer. While you ponder these choices this well-groomed individual with fabulous features appears at the table and says your name with a question mark and a smile that light up the room. You fold; you tell yourself whatever is necessary to justify what will happen next AND you can’t even feel bad about it.

Posted in Dating 6.0, The Dating Game 6.0 and tagged , , | Leave a comment
28 Apr 2026

Laundry List

In a search to find a compatible mate rather than checking off boxes, my list seems to be getting longer and more complex. I ask myself, “What is it you are trying to accomplish here?” At one point in time I did believe I knew. Now things are getting cloudy. As I go over the list, the feasibility is fading rapidly. The justification for the list and the criteria of it is becoming jaded. What do I do? Realizing the flaws do I continue, because in spite of the flaws and complications, it is useful.

Since I likened this list to the laundry, perhaps that would be a good approach. First, we must separate the items. In first steps the importance must be examined, for without the all-important first, everything else can be compromised. Therefore, this first step MUST be clear and concise. You need to know this process will put you in line for the goal. The goal is ever present and must be in clear sight. It may seem to those outside of self, this list is an ambitious and unreasonable compilation, However, I submit low expectations will undoubtedly yield unsatisfactory results. The details of the list are indelible in my mind. I do not have to write the list down because it is ever-present, when I meet someone even if at random.

What will one accept? What is satisfactory? How do you navigate past settling for? For me adding to the so-called laundry list IS my acceptance that I may NOT find the guy in the “criteria-based outfit” and since that is the case it is a HARD PASS is my choice. That is by-no-means an insult to ones who do not fit, but the fact remains, by my very own standard it will NOT work. No need to waste time and effort. Somewhere in our lives we do have to take what we say at face–value; mean what we say, stand by our convictions. This has to hold true regardless of the outcome not necessarily being positive.

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27 Apr 2026
1 Comment

Maybe It Is the Screaming

On my very routine morning, I am walking my Tiana. There is a preschool/daycare center near where we live. In the distance you can hear the kids long before you see them. My Tiana is one who likes attention and she innocently likes the attention of children. I am on more of a purpose filled journey when I take her out. Do your business so I can do more/other things; that is what I want and expect to happen. Tiana is a Shih Tzu, so it does not quite work like that.

Like many people in my age group quiet is a place/ status I would rather be around. As we walked nearer to the school the loud squealing became louder. I was not disturbed by this. I expected nothing less. Now the children are in plain sight. They are running, jumping, throwing balls, dancing about, and making all kind of noise in the process. Running seems pointless without a sound coming out of their respective mouths. Nothing can operate quietly. Why should it? How would you be able to determine if this activity is fun or not? Do they have the secret to successful movement in their tiny bodies? Can their minds process that which we older folks have forgotten?

I watched them for a few minutes as Tiana silently tried to WILL them closer. I thought and wondered why they don’t lose their voices I knew the generic answer… because they are young and their young bodies have the resilience to withstand what children do. I do not begrudge these children or any child the blessings youth affords one. I still can clearly recall this type of fun. this type of noise and our delight when someone older was annoyed with our doing some of these same things (without them knowing it).

My mind took me to a place not so long ago, a couple of weeks as a matter of fact. My friend and I were visiting a place we thoroughly enjoyed in our youth and thankfully still do. I thought of how we chatted in line waiting our turn. We were full of anticipation, excitement and a little fear. We boarded “Xcelarator“; as it took off, we began screaming to the top of our lungs and for the entirety of the rollercoaster ride we continued screaming. When the ride ended, we were breathless, like we had run a race. I smiled and thought of that experience; perfect, planned out and paid for. Then my mind said these kids have all of that without the worry, concern, and cost. I thought, ” Yeah; Maybe it is the screaming!”

Posted in One For My Friends and tagged ,
26 Apr 2026

How Many Times Before It Registers

My health and fitness journey began quite by accident. I was 15 and quite overweight. I had not gotten to a place where I could be happy with being tall. Therefore, being identified as tall and overweight was often just shortened to big. Exactly what a teenaged girl wants to be thought of as. I longed for invisible. I did what I could to NOT be noticed. It worked but NOT without incident.

Christmas break brought about a change that I did not see coming and it took a while to register. I was ill the first week and because I got a bike, my best friend and I used to ride to the beach nearly every day. Clothes “suddenly” were too big. I thought to myself (never would I say aloud for fear of my very life) my mother must have done something to them when she laundered them. I was delusional. Laundering clothing rarely (if ever) causes them to become too big. Shrinkage is the common problem. This thought pattern is a testament to the state of mind I had to have been in.

In a conscious sense, I did not realize I was overweight. I was tall/big, so that made my contemporaries appear little. I (never compared my big to their little. The proportions were enough of an explanation for me. It is funny how the mind works. It protects us even when we are not aware that we need protection. It took me years to realize that the individual I looked at in the mirror was internally the same being but on the exterior a transformation had taken place. Perhaps it was difficult to see because I had not been the one who initiated the change. It was nature, behavior and conditions brought about the change without my even noticing it.

Now as we enter another phase of life, growth and development manifest quite differently than what we became accustomed to. Growing older takes on a level of awareness that we do not want to accept. Things are going backward and slowing down. Just when we thought we had a handle on how life would flow, things were making sense, registering if you will our understanding changed.

We are left in a place that dictates we pay attention to the tiniest of details and at the same time we must not misinterpret those tiny details. Additionally, we must decipher which tiny ones actually count and which ones can be disregarded. How big should a small spot on our skin be in order for us to go into the doctor and have it checked for melanoma? How high should our blood pressure be lest we concern ourselves about heart attack and or stroke? Did I make the payment for my property taxes? We forget thoughts mid-sentence, we cannot find our keys, and we just laid them down… And we wonder why we forget “stuff”.

One would think it would be easy to slow down and take a breath, but when you watch more and more of your contemporaries deteriorate or suddenly pass away how do you manage that? I don’t have any answers, merely observations and things I try to practice myself. 1st realize the process of dying started taking place the moment we took our first breath. We have no more control of that now than we did then; barring dangerous and unhealthy physical practices (you know what you do). Next take to heart something we have been hearing in one way or another throughout our lives… “Don’t sweat the small stuff. AND it’s all small stuff.” If it seems remotely familiar then ask yourself, “How many times does this have to happen, How many times do I have to travel these paths before I get the gist of these simple concepts?” How many times before it registers.

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05 Apr 2026

For The Benefit of Your Company

I listen to the stories. I read articles about how difficult and distant we are with one another when it comes to dating. I honestly don’t believe that dating can be defined by most of the standards we, baby boomers grew up with. This is a precarious situation to be in because many of us are in the status that requires us to date. Note; if you are satisfied with your status, of course this does not apply to you. I hate that I feel the need to interact/include individuals that I am not necessarily addressing.

I will be general and basic. What do you want in dating? What do you hope to accomplish? Are you being honest with yourself and the possible companion? Dating used to be so easy when we were teens/young adults. Now we need background checks, medical records and credit reports. Again, depending on what you want.

I tell myself and others, “Whatever it is you are wanting there is someone who can fit or work for you”. Alterations may have to be made but ultimately as resourceful humans this is NOT an impossible task. However, I know more unhappy, unfulfilled, lonesome people than I care to. They are smart, financially stable, emotionally available, attractive or any combination of these characteristics. Men say women are users, women say men are children who want their way. Again general, basic, and oversimplified. Yet it does cover a good cross section of our “eligible daters” category.

We have a perceived sense of time and availability working against us. These are great hardships to overcome. However, say for the sake of argument, we get past those two factors smoothly sailing on our way to bliss and suddenly we find ourselves ” run aground and shipwrecked”! We ask, ” How did we end up here?” Afterall, we made a good choice, we screened this person very thoroughly… what was missed. I think we should start with truth. How honest were we? Honesty with the other individual. Honesty about expectations. Honesty with self. I believe without this basic taken care of, our relationships are built like a house of cards and ultimately, they WILL fail.

As I look back on my trek in the dating world, I realize my journey has taken quite a few twists and turns. I also realize that I had a great deal of self-discovery to uncover. I did not plan on being here, but I am here just the same. I navigated the best way I could, I did not mean to go down certain roads, but I found myself there anyway. Ideally, we should come to this table with a clean slate. Not saying that we have not had any experiences, but we have exorcized the demons of previous relationships, and we are willing to venture out with pure intentions. Yeah, I am a hopeless romantic

Truth is you can do everything right and still end up in the same place as an individual who does everything wrong, for all the wrong reasons. Now you ask yourself, why bother, what is the purpose? My answer is as follows: for intelligent conversations, for belly laughs, for the warmth of an embrace, for the sweetness of passionate kisses, in short for the benefit of your company.

Posted in Dating 6.0, How We Relate and tagged , , | Leave a comment
10 Apr 2025

Love The One You’re With

Now I know my some of my contemporaries recall the title of The Isley Brother’s song. Many probably know most of the lyrics. Although it was released during a time period where dating and love was not as complicated as it is now, there clearly was a need to reflect on one’s love life.

Relationships, dating, interacting … I have loads of time to write about this because I am basically not active in two of the afore mentioned categories. Time gives us opportunity to reflect. When you find yourself in this place make good use of it. “Love The One You’re With” is about self-love. Yes, we spend time making sure things are right for others, but we neglect the one person who we really should not .. ourselves.

Being in the status that affords one the ability to NOT have to punch a time clock, log hours or be at any given place at any given time, WILL spoil you. Things like being on time for appointments and/or events may fall from your priority list. You have to remind yourself, ” Just because I have all the time I need today, does NOT mean the other person or situation does.” The dentist asks what’s a good day for you, you have to figure what day cannot/will not work. Let’s see I am going to wake-up sometime in the morning and then after taking care of basic hygiene… now what? Time joins the list of casualties on your list of ” I’ll get around to it”.

If you are able to have someone else take care of your hair-skin-nails which are metamorphosizing at an extreme rate, what do you do…you go have those services taken care of. On the other hand, if you have decided these maintenance things are no longer necessary because no one is going to SEE you, here is some “food for thought”. YOU SEE YOU! Our perceptions directly affect our reactions. If you see worn out and tired, you will take on the persona of that even if you did not intend to. It will NOT take long before you find yourself existing as you appear. My father used to always quote me this phrase, ” So a man thinketh, so a man shall be.” YOU re worth the time and the effort. YOU matter and that will be what you project when YOU “Love The One You’re With”.

Therefore, self-love is imperative. For your health, for your well-being, and for your life. We cannot hope to be of value to others if we do not first value ourselves. Take time for you, go to the gym, read a book on a subject you are interested in, get a pedicure or better yet try giving yourself one in the comfort of your home. Then you can go out and share some of the positivity you have gained or re-gained, by loving the one you are with…YOU!

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13 Nov 2022
1 Comment

Resisting The Overwhelming Need To Be Petty

Ok we are all human. One thing about that is, it makes us subject to our very weak, vulnerable, not-so-positive characteristics. These aspects of us can be obstacles we will find difficult to overcome and many times we may not even have the desire to fight off these same undesirables.

All that build up is to try to make my story a bit more palatable. Okay I am actually trying to justify a particular behavior, that I am not quite proud of. Belonging to the gray brigade is a badge of honor that we do not always wear proudly. Especially when many of us aren’t exactly gray (thanks to hair/ color enhancing techniques), but nonetheless it is still a badge of honor. Honor is something that is bestowed on one not necessarily because of self-proclamation or even something that was intentionally done. It is given because one is oftentimes deserving of it but did not consciously seek the adulation. Let us move into the other direction, to the land of petty.

I make attempts to separate myself from certain situations and certain beings. I do this because I do NOT want to be committed to these same things and individuals. Keeping the expectation not low but nonexistent. Don’t misunderstand this, I am able and willing to help, and I will it is the obligatory socializing that comes as a reward for good deeds that I am not fond of. A simple “thank you” will suffice, and all parties can return to their respective spots.

Residing in a complex where the individuals fit into a certain classification has its benefits as well as its drawbacks. I gave up a degree of privacy for cost-effectiveness. I sacrificed a bit of luxury for convenience. I let go of these two things of my own free will and had virtually no regret, note I said virtually… My complex has many individuals of varying health conditions, the economic status is also a challenge, then there is the demographic in general. I realized when I came to this place it was going to be a place to rest my head; I would be cordial but not overly friendly, approachable, nor accommodating. Humans…we are such curious creatures. After the initial queries things began to calm down. Residents learned the new stranger was strange and perhaps stand-offish. But she was polite, helpful, and had a sense of pride in the community. Characteristics many of them lacked.

However, all of us wants/needs to be special. If it is as simple as seniority or complex as self-proclaimed entitlement these things make themselves known. WE are discussing petty here. At my residence there are no garages, a luxury I miss but have adjusted to. The weather here is not that extreme, we have a secured building, but no security gate to access our parking lot. We also do NOT have assigned spaces. Here it comes, that “seniority/ entitlement stuff”. There are a select number of individuals who have parked in a certain space so often they feel as though that spot belongs to them exclusively. Only outsiders park in the spots when these said individuals leave and if they return to find “their” spots occupied there is a sense that a true violation has taken place. I found myself buying into this culture before I actually knew what had happened.

I selected an area that I wanted to park my vehicle in. That area soon was narrowed down to a couple of spaces that fit my need/desires/ liking best. Several things were taken into account. What individual tended to park in the same area was a factor, as well as the car they drove and its condition. I was not upset if I vacated the spot and returned to find it taken, I simply moved to another. However, someone parked in “my” prime spot and stayed there all day one day. Then the next day they were again in THE SPOT. Now as I said there are several that can serve the purpose, but this had become my favorite. I would never confront anyone about parking in a non-handicap unassigned space, but after a couple days it did feel personal. I found myself looking out my window to see if the spot was available so I could move my car into THE SPOT. I felt the need to reclaim this unassigned spot that “I” had selected for myself. I did move my car back to my space of choice a couple of times and in the past that was all that was required for someone to get the point that space was basically taken. This did not seem to be the case this time. Now I was taking it personal. I found myself seizing any and all opportunities to take that space back. If it was late at night, if I was on my way out (because I am not tied to any real schedule) I initially pulled into that space if not for the person parking in the space, but for the other residents to see and possibly take notice and or report it to that person. I was delaying and altering my life for the sake of a parking spot.

Subconsciously I knew it was being petty. I knew I could park blocks away and because I was in decent physical shape and my car was properly insured, there really was no issue. Yet I continued to allow this to be something I took notice of. Ironically a couple things had transpired in a relatively short period of time. One of the key reasons I parked where I did was because there was an obnoxious drunk guy that used to make it his business to talk to me. My upbringing would only allow me to be so rude, so condescending … basically he never got it and if he did his intoxication facilitated him forgetting and speaking the next time he saw me any way. Avoidance was my only refuge. However, he moved away. I was thrilled. This freed up another area I could feel comfortable parking my vehicle in. Yet I still paid attention to where I used to park. Finally, I came to terms with “my petty”. It was a night that the weather was rather inclement. I looked out my window and saw the space was open. For an instant I imagined myself getting dressed, grabbing my keys and moving my car to a space that was farther away from the door, a space that would remove me from the comfort I had settled into for the night. THE SPOT. I was disappointed in myself, but happy for the realization that I was in fact being “PETTY” and it did not matter. Happily, I did not make that move, it was the first step in my overcoming one phase of my “petty”. I look forward to NOT allowing that to happen to me again. Even though I realize I have that in me, and I sincerely hope it does not manifest in the form of a parking space again.

Posted in Fictional Accounts, How We Relate and tagged , ,
28 Sep 2022
1 Comment

The Music Takes Us There

You are moving along perfectly fine with a so-called “modern relationship”. Suddenly you notice this wonderful melody in the background. The music sounds so good, it makes you feel good, then you notice you are feeling good in the presence of this person. There goes our brains, song+ this person= good feeling. You are doomed.

At this point in our lives things are not as we were led to believe, or should I say we allowed ourselves to believe, uncomplicated, simpler, easier. Just when you thought you understood things, you had adjusted your mind to wrap around what the two of you were doing…now you feel some-kinda-way. This person even looks different. The cute little way they look when something is on their mind, that silly laugh…wait before you attached the beautiful song to them these very same things rather annoyed you. What is happening? Well, the first thing you HAVE to do is find out the name of that song and the artist. Because that song clearly defines what is going on between the two of you. Sound like high school?

Let’s step back, lets re-evaluate what has just transpired. We (the baby-boomers) have far too many things to figure out. We are NOT doing retirement and getting older like our predecessors did. We listened more to what doctors said about taking care of our physical selves, we made some good decisions about our financial situations, many of us think our mental health is important and are proactive in that area. These things are scratching the surface of what we need to do to keep ourselves whole. Still there is more work to do.

So, we venture back into RelationshipLand. This “place” is crazy on the best of days. Now prior to that song entering your psyche, the lines were drawn and clear. Every other week at 1p.m. lunch at the best Thai restaurant in town, or was it “dessert” at your place at 1 a.m.? In either case, all parties concerned had a clear understanding of their role/position. Thanks to the blasted crooner you wonder what “he” is doing right now or is “she” wearing your favorite perfume. The smiles or tears are being induced by the lyrics you heard. Yet, you do not understand what has changed. The music is hypnotic, now your relationship has a soundtrack, now its very nature has been altered.

I love music, period. I use it to accomplish tasks. If I am working out at the gym, in the kitchen cooking (rare as that is) or sitting in front of my laptop writing… the music facilitates the processes. It is/can be a catalyst in many instances, as in this subject we are currently addressing. For all the love and respect, I give to the fabulous art of music, when it comes to affair of the heart, I would say enjoy it but don’t listen to the pretty words. For the music WILL take you “there”.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , ,
15 Feb 2014

Looking Forward

It was that time again, the annual physical.THANKFULLY! Now I am not one of those folks who dreads doctors and hospitals. I have been a rather healthy individual. I have had bouts with weight, but other that that I have been blessed. I was also blessed to be back in a “situation”that allowed me to once again have health care benefits.

I start the process late January early February. I did the vision, dental, and medical within days of one another. Everything was as I suspected. I got contact lenses for the first time and I had a couple of cavities to be filled.I came through the annoying/uncomfortable female screenings with flying colors. All in all for someone who has not been under a doctor’s care since 2009, I have to say I was happy.

Now the fact that I could lose 15 to 20 pounds did not make me happy, but it did not surprise me. I could say at 5’10” I still did not have to be inducted into the 200 lbs club. Judge me if you choose , but in that process think about the frame that carries those pounds and allow me the excuse, ” I have big bones”.  Hey if you cannot laugh at yourself…. I saw Red Velvet cupcakes, Red Velvet pancakes, kettle chips, and NO EXERCISE flash before my eyes. I knew what I had to do, for once again the Osmosis Method of Working Out was NOT working out.

My journey began Saturday February 8, 2014  I want to tell you this will be the last time I face this challenge; I now have the answer because even though I may have the answer, I realize I may not always use the knowledge and information I have obtained as I should. Therefore, I will say I am hopeful that I do not get to this place again armed with that same knowledge. Thus far it is feeling good and my intention is to not only keep it up until I reach the desired weight, but to make this program a way of life. I am not SIMPLY looking forward to fitting into those jeans again, I am just looking forward to living.

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16 Jun 2013

Father Figure

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY.

If you are never special to any other man in this life, on this Earth you have your father. The tallest, smartest, most gallant, and did I mention handsome man you will ever lay eyes on; that is until you meet the other true love of your life and of whom your father will generally threaten with an inch of his life if he dares to hurt you.

To his son he is given the “heir apparent” treatment, as though he is the future king of a country, no matter what his Earthly material possessions be. He gives lessons on bravery, honor, trust and DIY projects. His shoes seem so massive that you know you will never be that large; then one day you wake up and you are fitting into those shoes, as though they were custom made to fit you.

No joke, on the heels of the premier of the movie “Man Of Steel” perhaps you have a real life “Superman” in your presence and you know him personally. He lives up to his legend and like the legend he has only one weakness.  No matter how much time passes, no matter how invincible he may seem, he cowers in vulnerability as this weakness will always appears to him in the form of the small helpless being that “he” in fact simply marvels at, his child. Let him know that it is alright to be vulnerable for that is part of love; love he has taught you and love you feel for him on this day, and every day since the day you laid eyes on one another.

Again I say, “HAPPY FATHER’S DAY  to all the fathers everywhere; for no matter what space they occupy otherwise, there is always one reserved in our hearts.

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