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Archive for the tag “motivations”

Resisting The Overwhelming Need To Be Petty

Ok we are all human. One thing about that is, it makes us subject to our very weak, vulnerable, not-so-positive characteristics. These aspects of us can be obstacles we will find difficult to overcome and many times we may not even have the desire to fight off these same undesirables.

All that build up is to try to make my story a bit more palatable. Okay I am actually trying to justify a particular behavior, that I am not quite proud of. Belonging to the gray brigade is a badge of honor that we do not always wear proudly. Especially when many of us aren’t exactly gray (thanks to hair/ color enhancing techniques), but nonetheless it is still a badge of honor. Honor is something that is bestowed on one not necessarily because of self-proclamation or even something that was intentionally done. It is given because one is oftentimes deserving of it but did not consciously seek the adulation. Let us move into the other direction, to the land of petty.

I make attempts to separate myself from certain situations and certain beings. I do this because I do NOT want to be committed to these same things and individuals. Keeping the expectation not low but nonexistent. Don’t misunderstand this, I am able and willing to help, and I will it is the obligatory socializing that comes as a reward for good deeds that I am not fond of. A simple “thank you” will suffice, and all parties can return to their respective spots.

Residing in a complex where the individuals fit into a certain classification has its benefits as well as its drawbacks. I gave up a degree of privacy for cost-effectiveness. I sacrificed a bit of luxury for convenience. I let go of these two things of my own free will and had virtually no regret, note I said virtually… My complex has many individuals of varying health conditions, the economic status is also a challenge, then there is the demographic in general. I realized when I came to this place it was going to be a place to rest my head; I would be cordial but not overly friendly, approachable, nor accommodating. Humans…we are such curious creatures. After the initial queries things began to calm down. Residents learned the new stranger was strange and perhaps stand-offish. But she was polite, helpful, and had a sense of pride in the community. Characteristics many of them lacked.

However, all of us wants/needs to be special. If it is as simple as seniority or complex as self-proclaimed entitlement these things make themselves known. WE are discussing petty here. At my residence there are no garages, a luxury I miss but have adjusted to. The weather here is not that extreme, we have a secured building, but no security gate to access our parking lot. We also do NOT have assigned spaces. Here it comes, that “seniority/ entitlement stuff”. There are a select number of individuals who have parked in a certain space so often they feel as though that spot belongs to them exclusively. Only outsiders park in the spots when these said individuals leave and if they return to find “their” spots occupied there is a sense that a true violation has taken place. I found myself buying into this culture before I actually knew what had happened.

I selected an area that I wanted to park my vehicle in. That area soon was narrowed down to a couple of spaces that fit my need/desires/ liking best. Several things were taken into account. What individual tended to park in the same area was a factor, as well as the car they drove and its condition. I was not upset if I vacated the spot and returned to find it taken, I simply moved to another. However, someone parked in “my” prime spot and stayed there all day one day. Then the next day they were again in THE SPOT. Now as I said there are several that can serve the purpose, but this had become my favorite. I would never confront anyone about parking in a non-handicap unassigned space, but after a couple days it did feel personal. I found myself looking out my window to see if the spot was available so I could move my car into THE SPOT. I felt the need to reclaim this unassigned spot that “I” had selected for myself. I did move my car back to my space of choice a couple of times and in the past that was all that was required for someone to get the point that space was basically taken. This did not seem to be the case this time. Now I was taking it personal. I found myself seizing any and all opportunities to take that space back. If it was late at night, if I was on my way out (because I am not tied to any real schedule) I initially pulled into that space if not for the person parking in the space, but for the other residents to see and possibly take notice and or report it to that person. I was delaying and altering my life for the sake of a parking spot.

Subconsciously I knew it was being petty. I knew I could park blocks away and because I was in decent physical shape and my car was properly insured, there really was no issue. Yet I continued to allow this to be something I took notice of. Ironically a couple things had transpired in a relatively short period of time. One of the key reasons I parked where I did was because there was an obnoxious drunk guy that used to make it his business to talk to me. My upbringing would only allow me to be so rude, so condescending … basically he never got it and if he did his intoxication facilitated him forgetting and speaking the next time he saw me any way. Avoidance was my only refuge. However, he moved away. I was thrilled. This freed up another area I could feel comfortable parking my vehicle in. Yet I still paid attention to where I used to park. Finally, I came to terms with “my petty”. It was a night that the weather was rather inclement. I looked out my window and saw the space was open. For an instant I imagined myself getting dressed, grabbing my keys and moving my car to a space that was farther away from the door, a space that would remove me from the comfort I had settled into for the night. THE SPOT. I was disappointed in myself, but happy for the realization that I was in fact being “PETTY” and it did not matter. Happily, I did not make that move, it was the first step in my overcoming one phase of my “petty”. I look forward to NOT allowing that to happen to me again. Even though I realize I have that in me, and I sincerely hope it does not manifest in the form of a parking space again.


The Music Takes Us There

You are moving along perfectly fine with a so-called “modern relationship”. Suddenly you notice this wonderful melody in the background. The music sounds so good, it makes you feel good, then you notice you are feeling good in the presence of this person. There goes our brains, song+ this person= good feeling. You are doomed.

At this point in our lives things are not as we were led to believe, or should I say we allowed ourselves to believe, uncomplicated, simpler, easier. Just when you thought you understood things, you had adjusted your mind to wrap around what the two of you were doing…now you feel some-kinda-way. This person even looks different. The cute little way they look when something is on their mind, that silly laugh…wait before you attached the beautiful song to them these very same things rather annoyed you. What is happening? Well, the first thing you HAVE to do is find out the name of that song and the artist. Because that song clearly defines what is going on between the two of you. Sound like high school?

Let’s step back, lets re-evaluate what has just transpired. We (the baby-boomers) have far too many things to figure out. We are NOT doing retirement and getting older like our predecessors did. We listened more to what doctors said about taking care of our physical selves, we made some good decisions about our financial situations, many of us think our mental health is important and are proactive in that area. These things are scratching the surface of what we need to do to keep ourselves whole. Still there is more work to do.

So, we venture back into RelationshipLand. This “place” is crazy on the best of days. Now prior to that song entering your psyche, the lines were drawn and clear. Every other week at 1p.m. lunch at the best Thai restaurant in town, or was it “dessert” at your place at 1 a.m.? In either case, all parties concerned had a clear understanding of their role/position. Thanks to the blasted crooner you wonder what “he” is doing right now or is “she” wearing your favorite perfume. The smiles or tears are being induced by the lyrics you heard. Yet, you do not understand what has changed. The music is hypnotic, now your relationship has a soundtrack, now its very nature has been altered.

I love music, period. I use it to accomplish tasks. If I am working out at the gym, in the kitchen cooking (rare as that is) or sitting in front of my laptop writing… the music facilitates the processes. It is/can be a catalyst in many instances, as in this subject we are currently addressing. For all the love and respect, I give to the fabulous art of music, when it comes to affair of the heart, I would say enjoy it but don’t listen to the pretty words. For the music WILL take you “there”.

Looking Forward

It was that time again, the annual physical.THANKFULLY! Now I am not one of those folks who dreads doctors and hospitals. I have been a rather healthy individual. I have had bouts with weight, but other that that I have been blessed. I was also blessed to be back in a “situation”that allowed me to once again have health care benefits.

I start the process late January early February. I did the vision, dental, and medical within days of one another. Everything was as I suspected. I got contact lenses for the first time and I had a couple of cavities to be filled.I came through the annoying/uncomfortable female screenings with flying colors. All in all for someone who has not been under a doctor’s care since 2009, I have to say I was happy.

Now the fact that I could lose 15 to 20 pounds did not make me happy, but it did not surprise me. I could say at 5’10” I still did not have to be inducted into the 200 lbs club. Judge me if you choose , but in that process think about the frame that carries those pounds and allow me the excuse, ” I have big bones”.  Hey if you cannot laugh at yourself…. I saw Red Velvet cupcakes, Red Velvet pancakes, kettle chips, and NO EXERCISE flash before my eyes. I knew what I had to do, for once again the Osmosis Method of Working Out was NOT working out.

My journey began Saturday February 8, 2014  I want to tell you this will be the last time I face this challenge; I now have the answer because even though I may have the answer, I realize I may not always use the knowledge and information I have obtained as I should. Therefore, I will say I am hopeful that I do not get to this place again armed with that same knowledge. Thus far it is feeling good and my intention is to not only keep it up until I reach the desired weight, but to make this program a way of life. I am not SIMPLY looking forward to fitting into those jeans again, I am just looking forward to living.

Father Figure


If you are never special to any other man in this life, on this Earth you have your father. The tallest, smartest, most gallant, and did I mention handsome man you will ever lay eyes on; that is until you meet the other true love of your life and of whom your father will generally threaten with an inch of his life if he dares to hurt you.

To his son he is given the “heir apparent” treatment, as though he is the future king of a country, no matter what his Earthly material possessions be. He gives lessons on bravery, honor, trust and DIY projects. His shoes seem so massive that you know you will never be that large; then one day you wake up and you are fitting into those shoes, as though they were custom made to fit you.

No joke, on the heels of the premier of the movie “Man Of Steel” perhaps you have a real life “Superman” in your presence and you know him personally. He lives up to his legend and like the legend he has only one weakness.  No matter how much time passes, no matter how invincible he may seem, he cowers in vulnerability as this weakness will always appears to him in the form of the small helpless being that “he” in fact simply marvels at, his child. Let him know that it is alright to be vulnerable for that is part of love; love he has taught you and love you feel for him on this day, and every day since the day you laid eyes on one another.

Again I say, “HAPPY FATHER’S DAY  to all the fathers everywhere; for no matter what space they occupy otherwise, there is always one reserved in our hearts.

Angels All Around Us

Here we go again, it is nearing summer; the temperatures rise and makes things miserable for people who suffer from Sickle Cell Disease.  It is very hard on the SCD patient physically, but for the ones who love them the devastating affects are emotional.  Doctor’s offices and emergency rooms become the havens of a love/hate relationship that has undoubtedly been going on as long as they can remember.

Great they are admitting you, again the feelings of a mixed blessing. You have no idea for how long this time, but that is generally the case. In the midst of the hurt, with the sounds of the machines, and medications which are keeping you going, there she is in the doorway.  She went out of her way, took time from her schedule, from her family to stop by to see you. She didn’t bring anything with her, except maybe SUNSHINE. Laughter returned to you; her presence made you concentrate on something other than your pain, other than what you are going through.

Who is she? A few short months ago you didn’t even know her; today she brings you a gift that a lifetime often does not always offer, a true demonstration of friendship. She says, “That’s what friends are for, that’s what friends do”. To you she is a godsend, the oasis in the desert. I wholeheartedly agree, God sent her. Common everyday people doing uncommon and amazing things.They are confirmation the He is with you and He loves you. Maybe when you are on your feet again, you can return the favor, paying it forward to someone else that needs some sunshine in their room, in their life. For now a simple “Thank you, God bless you”, will do.

Deep Dark Chocolate

It shouldn’t be any other way. I grew up loving chocolate. Hershey invaded my life very early. When there was Russell Stover’s candy in the house it was the assorted chocolate box; at that time in my life all I knew about dark chocolate was it was the last candy I would eat, and that was through sheer desperation. The one exception,  which by the way still remains in tact, was OREOS. I cannot say enough about those cookies, so I will only say you love um or you’re not all there.

Time moves on, you grow and you tastes change, but my love of  milk chocolate remained pure. Pure, really, milk chocolate is cocoa in one of  it’s most processed form. I  do have to give honorable mention to the so-called white chocolate and it’s rich texture, even though the extreme sweetness over takes any substantial flavor. Now as our waistlines increase and blood pressure rises, we all know that dark chocolate has a hosts of positive affects. Yet it is difficult to equate good to you and good for you when we think of this decadence. We ladies for the most part crave this, our chocolate love or love of chocolate.

A few nights ago it hit me, I was in the mood for something sweet, I didn’t know what so I figured “go down the cookie aisle and you will find some chocolate love”. I fought and resisted the urge to go on and pick up the familiar blue package with the picture of the most beautiful cookie on the planet. There are no secrets or surprises there, no challenge, plus if all else failed I knew where I could get satisfaction.

Instead I reached for the milk chocolate creme filled Milano, for reasons unknown. I had them once before and felt they could take care of this wanton desire. I couldn’t wait until I got out of the store before I had ripped open the package and quickly bit into one. There it was nothingness and disappointment all in one blow. The cookie tasted “brown” not chocolate. It was sweet but clearly not enough cocoa was put into this recipe. I struggled through another bite but had to resign myself to”this was a mistake”. The only thing to do was to run back into the store and indulge myself.

However, I resisted and moved on but was this a success? I must ask because here we are 7 days later, and there is the need to talk about how unfulfilled I felt after that encounter. Delving deeper and deeper into the “chocolatety” question, I ask what is this truly about. How would I rank my chocolate love; experience(what I prefer), expectation(what I think I prefer) or pattern(what I have in actuality preferred) the answers would all be different. Although if you read me(literally), that revelation should not surprise you in the least.

On A Positive Note

This is a challenging morning for me to task such a title. Not saying anything traumatic has occurred, simply my mind is not warmed up. Yet I feel the need to go to the happier side.

Over the years I have observed moods and the affect they have on how people relate. I see it in my writing and when I am in what I deem to be a “funk” I limit how much I write. I used to completely avoid writing period, but I found good work does rise from the “ashes”.

Today I go to my bag-of -tricks and pull out my motivators, and here is what they helped me create and convey. I rekindled a passion that existed/exists inside of me and I am getting things in order so I can act on this. I  conferred and confirmed it with a loved one,  it just felt right. This was reminiscent of the riding a bicycle parable; you never forget, it does come back to you.

There has to be a point where something more becomes you focal point. Hopefully you have been able to buy that dream car, live in that dream house, and love that dream companion. Now it is time for you to give back. Our lives must be about substance and reach beyond the small scope which is us. Family helps us do this but we must recognize our family extends beyond those folks who share your last name or favor you in looks.

Now know you are charged to do something that will impact another on a grand scale. That grand scale is not defined by a large well lit billboard or an exclusive spread  in a magazine. The grand scale I speak of can simply be the way you directly affect an individual who you can touch. Maybe she is the abandoned teen or he is the overly active boy placed in special ed., perhaps the elderly gentleman sitting on a bench at the local market; reach out to them, you have no idea how much your kind words or gesture will mean. I cannot instruct you in what to do, just follow your heart and let it happen. You will know you are doing it right because you will feel it deep in your very soul,  and that is the best barometer around.

Enough Said

When you have been hurt or disappointed in life by an individual, often time all you see or can concentrate on is you. As an after thought and in an effort to NOT wallow in self pity try this.  Take on the role of the one you are upset with and use the “pro-con”method to see what you end up with. Then think about where you go from here.

You are angry with me, but you won’t say a word. I am choosing to accept what I see. I say you seem upset you say you are not, there may be a bit of sarcasm but I am taking you at your word. I don’t know you any more, truth is I probably never did. Are you being honest with me now, have you ever been, moreover have I been honest with myself. Now I want answers. Pride  will not allow me to assume full responsibility for even the things I know I have done. I want to move on and move forward, that does not mean anything beyond what I just said, nothing is implied there are no undertones. This is face value time and if you accept this then it means you must be accepting it with no conditions; like you have in the past and in the way I have always been able to convince myself that you have been okay with. End dialogue.

No one knows you better than you know yourself and as scary or lonely as it may seem, it is better to be true to yourself than to end up with a load of regret(s). Battle with selfishness here; consider the others who may be involved and could be affected as well. Where you go from here is ultimately your choice, the ball is in your court. However, the truth is, it has always been.

That’s How He Does It

Tiger, Tiger, Tiger… will you hurry up and smash those records?! I want this man to play until let’s see he needs to beat Jack Nicklaus’ record and Sam Snead, he needs three more green jackets, he needs to walk on water.. what is this mess?!

He is  not nice to play with, he cheats, he is no gentleman, face it there is no room in the world of golf for the likes of him. Well of course there isn’t. He is taking the fun out of the game right. Hey listen most games, sports, competitions are much more fun when you are winning. It stands to reason; if he is winning like he is, if he is shattering records one after another, he must be cheating.

What happened to the days of champions being loved and adored? Well welcome to the age of the self-assured athlete, but wait it is not limited to the athlete this is a world of self-assured people. Women are now lesbians criticized for being “ballsy”, African Americans are “uppity” and don’t know their place; “mama-mia” what a world and I thought our society was evolving and moving forward.

The next time we will have an opportunity or have to endure Mr. Woods is May 30th at “The Memorial” where he is the defending champion. He has probably done or is planning something unscrupulous as I write this. We won’t know until the tournament is played. Well at least Byron Nelson’s record and legend will remain intact, 11 back to back PGA wins and a GENTLEMAN, lets see Tiger top that this year.

You see unlike other sports golf applauds good manners, behavior, and etiquette. You don’t see those guys on the tour spitting or cursing, none of them are alcohol abusers, or have marital problems. In case you MISSED the sarcasm, Tiger is not the only member of the PGA who is not perfect, he just happens to be one who is in the spotlight preparing to make more history in the sport of golf.

It is odd to think of oneself as cheering for the underdog when cheering for someone with a record such as Tiger Woods, but you have to admit he is golf’s “whipping boy”. They cannot take away from his true talent and skill so they attack his character. I doubt seriously any one of us would be able to stand unblemished by such a vast and multiple assault. Therefore once again I have to go against how I feel about an individual, outside of his notable profession, and cheer him on for the only thing most of us have the ability to judge first hand, his athletic prowess. Admittedly, that is what is a joy to watch. Once again I say, “Geaux Tiger”!

“I Hit It First….”

Wow! What have we been reduced to in the world of entertainment? The title alone was a sad testament, but then when you delve deeper you have to ask what is going on with an individual who would publicize something like that.  You have to ask what is the character of the individual himself, the woman and the audience he is pandering to. I think too much of my work and my readers to write the initial thoughts I had of this verbatim, it would be filled with blank spaces and blocked out words. Use your imaginations for it would go something like this; “What a f%@$in piece of s&%#, Ray J and the song.”

We have to demand more, we are more, therefore we should not allow this world of entertainment to insult us like this. Clearly I am not a “Ray J ” fan; as a woman I questioned his morals and ethics long before this particular travesty  he  is calling music emerged, but to effectively assassinate the piece and him as an artist, I forced myself to view/listen to the thing. Pathetic attempt to regain the spotlight/limelight is all I can say. It resonates the attitude and mindset of a 16 year old boy and his desired first sexual conquest, after he is dropped by the girl of his dreams without reaching his ultimate goal.  I will not go through a frame by frame dissection, for he may actually possess some talent on some level, but this video renders all of that and all possibilities NULL and VOID.

“Ray J” get a life, find a hobby! Please don’t bother supporting this garbage; it is not worth the time, and certainly not the money. Unless “Ray J” is donating all proceeds to Up and Coming Artist Who Do NOT Want To Suck seminars, where he is the featured example of what NOT to do. My vote puts this “song”into the Stupidity Hall  of Fame with OJ Simpson’s “book” If I Did It” . Who can forget that literary genius. “OJ”, “Ray J” is there something missing in the brains of so-called artist/entertainers with “J” at the end of their names? Well judging by what these two have produced  most recently, there is no doubt in my mind. I can only hope the two of them don’t get together and come up with a compilation, “If I Hit, Then I Did It..First”.

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