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Archive for the tag “perspectives”

09 Apr 2013
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Why Do Your Children Hate You?

Have you ever asked yourself this question? As a wannabe good parent, I know every-so-often the thought does comes to mind. The arrogant among us say, “HELL no it doesn’t”. The realist know that no matter how hard you try there are going to be some”flies in the buttermilk” of child rearing.

After years of taking our own respective parents through changes they could not have imagined at our births, we are now the symbols of authority. Some of us detested the rules and regulations of our youth, some of us applauded the freedom from responsibility, but there were times when we were just not happy with good ole mom and dad.

The prom dress you couldn’t wear, the trip with your buddies unaccompanied by an adult more than 21 years old, the fast car they opted NOT to buy for you.  Did it ever occur to you that it was denied to you, NOT merely to make your entire life unbearable? Now your offspring has a tale or two that may need some of that same convincing about.

I admit as a parent I wanted to be more, give more, and in return expect nothing of my children but they have fun and  become responsible upstanding citizens, However, we humans are not made up like that. In order for us to become strong, we must struggle and fight. We must face challenges and adversity in order to rise to the occasion. Our character much like our bodies must be trained in order for that perfect form to emerge. Yet this is not what we are teaching and demonstrating to our young.

We indulge them, we make excuses for them, and when they do something wrong or incorrect WE try to fix things for them rather than make them stand up and assume responsibility for their actions.

We are, as parents, the perpetual “catch 22” in our minds. If we teach the hard lessons the hard way, we foster the idea that they will not love or care for us, we won’t be their friends. On the other hand if we protect and shelter them from these same hard lessons, when we are no longer here to fix the problems for them, they are angry at us for allowing them to be disillusioned and unable to cope.

They have no appreciation for what we have done, how we have sacrificed and why is that? I wonder if in their minds and cultivated since they were small; they consistently looked away, ignored, or missed the part where we said, “Now it is not always going to be this way, We will not be able to always fix this for you, EVERYONE won’t do this for you, because WE love you”.

To these same children, are we truly to blame? Are you angry at people who did the best they could for you; an individual with ever-changing wants, needs, and desires, who one day tells us to bud out  and the next days calls and asks to be bailed out.

From the first time we laid eyes on your precious tiny face we were in love with you. We knew our time to just be everything to you was short, we nonetheless cherished the thought of it while we could. Society, religion, the world tell us at a certain point in time we are no longer responsible for you; you must stand on your own, but dammit these sources don’t tell us how to just turn that love off. So we fight and battle and try so hard to get you to the point where you want to go, and get out there, and do YOUR thing. Without the “safety net” it is frightening and though others before you have done this, we did it, if you flinch or turn back to look at us, we still want to be there.

You are angry at us, but what if we were angry at you? Trust me it is quite unfathomable in most cases, because we love you so much what we house is hurt IF we think we slighted you in the most miniscule manner. We try to protect you from the outsiders and the strangers, but now in your disappointment and/or anger YOU  now act like the stranger we tried to keep YOU from, toward us.

What to do? It is simple fix it. Recognize the problem and do something actively or proactively. Yes it is hard it will be hard, but it is a learning situation and you all are collectively smarter than your parents. Finally, as an ending thought, realize this is all new and a learning experience for us as well.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , ,
08 Apr 2013

Bad Behavoir Contagion

Well it spreads like any other infection. Exposure to this means you are as likely to catch or become it, as you are to resist or overcome it. Take a closer look.

What do you know about the typical characteristics of communicable diseases. You know the environment has to be ideal for them to grow and thrive in. There must be a host to infiltrate. This same host must have a weakened system. Repeated exposure to the attacker is generally enough to accomplish a breakdown. Finally there have to be others for it to spread to.

Although bad behavior is primarily psychological affliction, I submit to you it sports the same characteristics as the physiological one. Therefore what do you do when you know you are going to be in a situation or environment that puts YOU at risk? One could avoid it, one could build oneself up with vitamins and nutrients. However, if those things fail and you end up affected, you get help.

The treatment has to include both physician and medication. The host must follow the directions of both in order to fight off and drive away the disease. Full recovery is possible, but that is not saying it will be easy.

When we place the condition in the psychological column, the physician becomes the counselor or spiritual leader; vitamins and nutrients, become good influences and reliable information; medication becomes consistent positive reinforcement.

With these things in your corner, you are prepared for battle. You stand a chance to not only fight off this bad behavior, but possibly change some of it.

Posted in Quickbits and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
01 Apr 2013
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The Joke Was On

Many years ago one might do things without a second thought; now when you look at the world around you, do you have second thoughts.

Life is so serious that we do not have time to laugh and play, if you will. Yet I submit to you, what is a world without room for fun and games. These things that provide us all with an outlet, an actual place for laughter.

I enjoy comedy as much as anyone. I have watched it evolve to a level that the new generation of comics do not believe they can entertain you without being vulgar or mentioning body functions repeatedly, out-of-the-blue, and with little or no pertinence. However, I still do love to laugh and will continue to look for/to this outlet for my regular smiles.

In a time meant for seriousness, when one should be well aware of what one is doing. You enter into a situation haphazardly, but you have no idea what the ramifications of this cavalier approach will have until much later. You didn’t think it would go this far or last this long, but it did and now you ask yourself the question(s). Was I serious? How could I think this would be alright? Where do I go from here?

Adulthood does not give in freely to the ideas of pranks and jokes. I submit you should not take yourself too seriously, but there is a time and a place for the fun and games.

Posted in Quickbits and tagged , , ,
01 Apr 2013
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If Your Heart Isn’t In It

In the midst of a philosophical conversation, the realization came to me as to how very important it is to be passionate about what you do. I always felt this was the case with me personally, but figured it varied from one individual to another.

The teachers, nurses, doctors and even lawyers of our world stand out when I think of this point. Not saying the gas station attendant, cashier at your local WalMart, the dry cleaner, or telemarketer are any less applicable; if you do then you give freely, with both hands, the excuses for doing something poorly. Having passion for what you do is essential for one to do anything well,  and it seems an odd or unusual thought pattern in today’s world. I find it odd that we do not expect more and therefore accept substandard performance.

I was raised by parents that instilled, “If you are going to do anything you are obligated to do YOUR very best”. It didn’t matter what it was, you owed your very best, because this was a reflection on you. It did not simply say this is_____ and identify you, it went deeper and gave a look at that ever-present, character.

At first glance you may question placing one who saves lives(doctors) in the same discussion with someone who in most cases disturbs one’ life(telemarketer). However, that is at first glance, dig deeper what do you think of that same individual who possesses the skill to save a life if his attitude is bad, and his work shoddy. Then the individual whose sole purpose is to manage to keep someone on the phone long enough to make a presentation, that in spite of countless hours of research, may have guided them in a completely wrong direction. Who is held to a higher standard; why is it okay for one to do a bad job, have a bad outlook and treat people accordingly and not the other?

We have all experience the examples given when they are not passionate and caring, but we have also experienced  others in the same line of work who were polar opposite. Chances are the good experience tends to cancel out the bad one(s). Let me pull your coat-tails here; these individual occupations cited here are not just being pointed out for review, they are for reflection, they are US.

We are all threads in the fabric that makes up our society. Ultimately one has to recognize it takes all of those threads to make the fabric strong, functional, and beautiful.  You can’t change everything and everyone, but you can certainly change you and that is a start.

Posted in As Consumers and tagged , , ,
25 Mar 2013
1 Comment

Taking A Tiger By The Tale

I  only have a few people that I feel like I could be like a giddy teenager in regards to. I have written about a couple of them. Face it all of us have a deep seeded “amoration” for someone, we are only human.

I was not born with the following gifts but I do admire and appreciate them all just the same; the great athlete, how I do enjoy watching them defy gravity and opponents, the conversations and thoughts of  a great mind are absolutely spell-binding, and the haunting beauty of musical genius is unparalleled.

When play was suspended due to weather at the 2013 Arnold Palmer Invitational I was disappointed. I don’t mind telling you I am anxiously awaiting Tiger Woods to return to his pursuit and attainment of the undisputed, unquestionable, and official title greatest golfer of all time. This win will bring him that much closer and I silently cheer him on.

He has work ethic and style. He possesses command and poise in his sport. He makes you proud and in awe of his skill when you watch him. It might surprise you that I would say I don’t particularly care for Tiger Woods, at least the Tiger Woods I know of.

There had to be some research done before I could write this and I am not a fan of statistics. I will say this, my eyes grew tired and my mind weary as I went through line after line, number after number of comparisons. I knew I didn’t want to look at that much information, but I was drawn in like a car to train tracks. This is a blog not a math class, so I encourage you to “google” Mr. Woods for details of his accomplishments. I am here to play homage to the persona of the athlete.

I was introduced to the world of golf when I was 26. Now of course I knew what the game of golf was, but I had no interest in it. I had no idea about the purpose or rules of the game. I certainly did not know anything significant about the names associated with golf.  Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus may have been familiar, but their records and accomplishments would have escaped me. At that point in time it was not really important to me.

How would I know that a venture which began only because of a test in togetherness, would turn into an actual interest of mine, or an 11 year old who lived a few miles south would change the game of golf and make history in a few short years. By the time Tiger reached the age I was when I first was interested enough to pick up a golf club he would already be on track to becoming a force to deal with in a sport that had been dominated by a rather diversity challenged field, where admittance to certain arenas of the sport prohibited his very presence.

He made his presence know, this Tiger not only roared, he had quite a bite. The calm demeanor, the intimidating stare, the perfect approach all belonged to him. Racking up wins, admirers and enemies at the speed of light. “Oh, but the mighty they do fall” and in spite of my saying, “I do not like him”, I do not want to mar this piece elaborating on what the media reveled in when it happened. This again is for my readers to research.

On a positive note, Tiger is back. Arguably he never left. Clearly he is disciplined in his sport, ever-seeking to improve HIS game. He shocks and amazed his critics, opponents, fans, and team-mates alike. Happily,  I am there cheering him on too. One cannot ignore greatness; many try and many fail for history will not allow it to be overlooked and history will always tell the truth.  There IS more to come. Geaux Tiger!

Posted in Everybody's Critic and tagged , , ,
24 Mar 2013
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Life-cycling Seasons

Seasons

Beginning in the 1980’s I tried my hand at “journaling”. If I look a bit farther back I recall my diary. Awakened by an array of things, I decided to write until sleep or responsibilities of the day forced me to move forward. As luck would have it 45 minutes before the responsibilities were to take over the sleep crept up. However, not before I was able to read back over a couple of my writings. Then it happened and I realized that I live, respond, react to my environment practically the same way every year. How is that possible when life is ever changing? Did this mean I was in a rut, a rut that allowed me to stay there for a good 42 of my 53 years? No way! Happily I will reveal what I did discover and perhaps it will prompt my readers to take into account their own “life-cycling seasons”.

I wrote a letter as archaic as that may sound; writers have use for these tools and methods, because they still feel as though they are in touch with their art this way. This letter was to someone near and dear to me. It was for information and it was confrontational. People who know me personally will NOT be surprised by the tone of the letter I speak of. Yet the letter was never delivered to the intended party. It rests in the archives of my personal e-mail, waiting to be printed  and mailed or simply sent via e-mail.

An entire year passed and one day close to the anniversary of the original letter, unaware of this fact, I sat down and authored a letter to this same special person. I spilled my heart out and spewed a few venomous attacks, after which I decided to save the piece until I had time to print it and prepare it for delivery. When I went to my draft file I found the other letter to this same person dated a year earlier, give or take a few days. It struck me as odd and curiosity got the best of me, with no time to spare as I prepared for work I started to read. I shook my head in amazement, this letter left undelivered contained some of very the same verbiage, with the very same feeling.

I tried to dismiss it as coincidence or not important, but neither was true. I had to take it out and look at it for what it was worth. Facing reality is not always easy, but the truth  was we were in the exact same place because nothing had been really addressed let alone resolved, and not unlike other things around us relationships will stagnate as well. If you continue going through the motions avoiding confrontation, the problem doesn’t go away. It may be covered or overshadowed by something else, but the moment you get to it again you will find it sitting there intact waiting to be dealt with.

lightbulb

Over the course of the next couple of weeks I mulled over “My World”.  Here  is what I found in no particular order; every autumn I feel renewed, during my birthday month I am hopeful but generally disappointed, springtime I fall in love either in actuality or with the memory of it happening, summer months are too hot, winter months are too cold, so when difficulties happen during those particular times of year they seem so much bigger or worse, and Christmastime I return to my childhood complete with wonder and joy.

At 53 I had an outline/blueprint now all I needed was a formula/plan. I bet you have said at one time or another,”If I could only go back..” I submit a realization that on one level or another because of this cycle we live in, we do have an opportunity to go back. For all the fantastic stories, books, and films that give their interpretation of what would happen; I see us continuing to do things the same ways because we are unaware we are redoing and reliving our lives annually. We are not in a rut in the classic sense; we are not insane by the simple definition of doing the same thing the same way expecting a different result. We are victims of circumstance.

Deja vu occurs( I personally think it is more than a feeling); we don’t know how to do things differently, because we have become caught up and we feel safe with what we know.Therefore, if you see yourself in this cyclic pattern, what if that(deja vu) is the reset button? What if when that feeling happens you did not just inhale and wait for it to pass, but you did something/ anything that was completely outside your norm. I am not suggesting you do any thing in particular; I am suggesting you don’t do as I have done by continuing to live in the cycle and not be adventurous enough to jump off every now and then.



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Billiga Resor

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Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , ,
15 Mar 2013
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Dancin With The Devil

Waking from a pretty fantastic sleep this thought/portion of a quote occurred to me. I was not happy for I am not wanting to be awakened, and certainly not with such a dubious thought.  Well needless to say I could not go back to sleep and I said,” Well this will be an interesting subject matter to address”.

Several variations came to my mind, the quote of Max California in 8mm, the Nietzche quote regarding “the abyss” morphed into “What if you danced with the devil and the devil looked like you”. Honestly, I have no idea what that  last quote means or where it came from; only my interpretation was something to do with self righteousness and becoming that which you despise. Then I began to ponder things, and I cannot say I was completely thrilled with the results when it came to me.

Have you ever set a “trap” or made plans for someone else and found yourself right in the throws of things yourself? I know my answer. At these time the realization that we human beings are but victims of the cliche’s we try so hard to avoid saying aloud, comes crashing through. Upon further investigation or observation we  come face-to-face with the fact that, we live those very same cliche’s. Denial is simply our way of dealing with this truth.

For decades I put myself in a toxic environment. I did this knowingly and without reservation. In arrogance or stupidity I convinced myself it would NOT rub off on me. One day a midst a dastardly deed, it crossed my mind that I was as foul as the individuals around me. I quickly dismissed the thought and this helped me convince myself I was nothing like “them”.

In the beginning that may have been true, but year after year of exposure to such an environmental wasteland you learn to adjust and adapt, rather than trying to improve or escape the surroundings. Before the ultimate fall I caught a glimpse of my assassin and she had a strangely familiar face.

When the voice of reason tells you to stop and look at what you are doing or what you are becoming,  STOP and take note. There may still be hope and time for you to make the change. If you don’t, well there is nothing like waking to the image of your “evil twin” hovering over you with something designed to destroy you, and knowing that same “evil twin” will derive nothing but pleasure out of doing just that. Now who shall you blame?

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , ,
08 Mar 2013
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What A Beautiful Smile

I love to look at pictures. It may seem odd seeing as I do not like to pose for pictures. Amateur or professional, I have been the subject of some truly awful shots. I dream of the day a true artist will capture a shot that will make me look like I want. Now for the right price I am certain there is such a magician, I mean photographer, out there.  For now I am waiting, patiently?

Many years ago what was left of my self-esteem was permanently scarred by a “friend” in middle school ( back then it was called Jr. High School). We will call her “Darlene”. She was a rotund vertically challenged individual we walked to school together with another friend every day. “Darlene” a name that might lead one to make a connection with darling, was far from that. I learned from her fashion improprieties and mistakes that I could ill-afford to make (i.e. wearing your gym shirt under/instead of  your regular blouse to prevent the time guzzling of dressing for class). She also made me painfully aware that I did NOT have a smile that would light up a room. I remember going home looking in the mirror in the bathroom and thinking,” Uuuuuh, I do have an ugly smile”. I would not smile in pictures for years after that.

Every time I saw an ad for toothpaste,where the actors flashed toothy grins I’d ignore them completely, and remember what my “friend” had brought to my attention. I did not have particularly crooked teeth, nor were they rotted out or even discolored. To be honest there was NOTHING remarkable about my teeth or my smile. Then I saw them( actually I just began to take notice of them), they would stop me dead in my tracks for life. They were dimples. I immediately decided to and did in fact dub them the single most important factor in a good smile (not ignoring teeth). After all how could you not display your pearly whites, when you had dimples to accent them. I began paying attention to them I found my father, my younger brother and sister all had them. They were all around, yet they still were cause for notice.

Off we go on a tangent; defined as (believe it or not) a facial deformity of the zygomaticus major, these little indentures have managed to grace the faces of some of the most beautiful people you know or know of. They are hereditary and some of them disappear with time, as the muscles which are”too short” stretch out with age. Thus one may have them as a child but lose them later in life. We associate the dimple with children or babies, perhaps this is why we think they are so cute and are continuously admired if one manages to hold onto them in adult life.

Think about it from your senior classes prettiest smile recipient to the cover of “People Magazine”. They are the quote marks to a smile.  From Tupac to Brad Pitt, Linda Ronstadt to Gabrielle Union, and the many in-betweens; the thought of their smile makes you smile. While I do not remember my senior classes recipient I do remember one from previous year, he was a green-eyed fellow named Warren. So the good Lord graced Warren with unusually pretty eyes, beautiful teeth, and dimples. The stuff crushes are made of, right? I did not know Warren personally and while amazingly I did not have those kinds of feelings for him; I do remember his name, and it is because of his beautiful smile. I invite you to examine the people you know or simply have seen who possess these little marks on their faces, and see if they do not coerce a smile from you.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , , ,
01 Mar 2013
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Everything Has Shifted

The things that I thought worked no longer did. This was not a good look for me.  It was tight where it should be lose, lose where it should be tight, and the color was all wrong. I quickly put a towel around myself. Gravity and time, you gotta love them.

Go on and laugh, because I know you already are. My longtime friend says she has a” DGAF attitude“, do your research on that one. Of course she still can sport a bikini on the beach, and no one would be able to say anything but “WOW”. That is something I do admire. We are oftentimes our own worse critics, then other times we don’t critique ourselves enough.

About a month ago I watched a special on one of the reputable cable channels, cannot recall which one and now I have difficulty in deciding which one(s) qualify as reputable, about a particular plastic surgery that young women are now having. Now we all are very aware that you can have just about anything on your body fixed/modified/altered/improved, but this one made me really mad.

I watched as the young woman’s mother tearfully explained that she would do anything for her daughter and that this was going to make her happy…”Happy”, I thought, ” this is just glorified mutilation”. This surgery is a bit more risky than a” simple” rhinoplasty, although the long term results are similar. It may improve or modify the appearance, but has little or nothing to do with the function. At the risk of sounding too provincial, one has to think who is really going to see the results anyway? Furthermore, these surgeries are still considered unproven by the ACOG.

I remember that campaign in the 1990 that revealed FGM  oh-so-well.  Young women from African nations and Islamic cultures telling the horror stories of primitive tools cutting and tearing at their flesh, loved ones or just other women who died as a result of this type of ritual. Now here we are the nation of “beautiful people” succumbing to the idea, once again, our bodies need tweeking. Do you ladies remember what our dolls used to look like when their clothes were removed? Why are we trying to look like molded plastic.

We are so easily manipulated into believing what is popular is what is right. The mainstream dictates to us, right or wrong. During the Renaissance Age people(especially women) were portrayed and envied for being heavy. Countless painting depict semi-nude or nude women frolicking about in forest smiling, we gain a pound or look at a part of our body that is meant to be fleshy and we are suicidal. Factor in perceptions as to what does/does not look good, what is too big/too much, and you have someone guided by emotion instead of knowledge on a matter that concerns health and well-being.  So it is true everything has shifted; our bodies, our ideas and our ideals. It is fine to want to make improvements on oneself, but try not to carry it to the extreme.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , ,
27 Feb 2013
1 Comment

Why Is That Camera Still In My Face

In this age when a cell phone can take pictures of high enough quality that you want to have them printed and placed in the family album, why can’t we get a decent picture of a person getting on in years. Furthermore, if we cannot get a decent picture why are we still taking them?

I love photographs. They tell a story as they give you a vantage point to the subject. On a simpler side I like looking at pretty things and that is without any prerequisites. Most of us get in a lucky shot here and there, as a photographer as well as the subject being photographed. In my estimation a true photographer is an artist and it is demonstrated consistently in his work.

I did not watch the “Oscars” a few nights ago, but as a matter of curiosity or ritual I always view the red carpet photos. This year was as entertaining as usual. The gowns and jewel were amazing. There were the fashion misses, as well as the disasters. The shock value outfits were very low, maybe Hollywood is actually trying to demonstrate some class.

One phenomenon I did see a bit more of was the aging performer. This is wonderful to see, as we are all getting up there in years. The tribute given to those who have passed on was admirable. What was not good to see was the unflattering pictures of these aging once beautiful faces.

Ladies of whom we wanted to see more of now have more skin than we care to see, and all of it has additional lines and spots. The sexy leading men are now hunched over like the monsters, villains, or antitheses they battled against. The mysterious ones now are just odd looking and strange.

I do not blame this completely on the individuals being photographed though. As I stated earlier photographers are artists and they manipulate what you see and the way that you see it. When one of those legendary performers stepped out and  was surprised by the flashes, they could choose to omit rather than release a terrible look on a seasoned face.

Like the malicious misfits of the writing industry, the ones who used to be accused of “yellow-journalism”; photography has their own bastard child , they are the paparazzi. The paparazzi do not care what the picture looks like, just that they have it. Some of them have nerve enough to cross fields and write things as ugly as their invasive pictures show. We feed them and keep them working though. Our need for sensationalism is voracious. Let’s face it”garbage” sells, because everyone wants to feel like they are one-up-on someone else in any way, means, manner, or form.

Maybe this will give rise to a new industry as it did for the medical community; geriatric photos. I am proud to be 53 and look forward to what lies ahead. I do have a slight advantage on a number of people; because I do not love the camera and it does not love me. Therefore our encounters are limited.  For the people who cannot wait to take a picture a cautionary tip;, digital cameras are accurate, quick, and brutally frank.  Now smile and “Say Cheese!”

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , , , ,

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