hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

23 Mar 2011

Let Go and Let’s Go

Simply, this is about release and moving on.

I have a beautiful pedigree cat, a Ragdoll. I adopted him a decade ago, he was a rescue. I laid eyes on him and thought, ” What a pretty cat. I’d like to have him”. I talked to his foster parent and get this sad story of a tormented, terrorized beauty. Well we had room for him in our home and I was ready for another cat in my life. I renamed him Storm,  partially because he was the color of threatening clouds and he had they deep blue eyes, but mostly because I hated his name Toby.

It had been 10 years since I had a cat, Yheti was a beautiful Himalayan Flame Point with soulful blue eyes who I got as a young cat of six months. He loved me and I loved him. When I came home in the afternoon, he was waiting at the door for me. He would come to me when I called  him.  You really have to be a cat owner to understand a close relationship with a cat. They are solitary,  independent, oftentimes moody creatures; you may pick one of them as a pet, but they decide if they want you. Yheti belonged to me. He became ill suddenly and we had to put him down. I left one morning with a cat that I knew was ill and returned home with a broken heart. Many years would pass before the thought of cat ownership would occur to me again.

Back to Storm. I knew there would be an adjustment period, but had no idea how very long that period would be. He was never the kind of pet his pedigree suggested. Noted for loving to be picked up and held, you did well being able to pet him on his back. Perhaps the ultimate blow was when he decided he preferred my eldest son, who did not even live with us at the time. The years passed and Storm did not change.  My position was to serve as caretaker/nurse. I accepted I had selected a creature who would never be a pet, at best he was a fixture.

Now he is 12, his health is not great, but it is not terminal. He is simply getting old. He could die tomorrow or live another 8 years(some exclusively indoor cats live 20 years), either of which I feel indifferently toward. I know that sounds bad, however it is true.

I spent a lot of time to talk about a cat, a pet if you will,  and not a very good one by my own admission. One may ask why. Here it is, my cat is characterizing how I think we are dealing with changes that occur in various times in our lives. The youth are impatient, anxious to get on with “it”, they have a vast unknown to discover and loads of time to do it in . The ones we consider elder folks want to slow things down, their unknown is plagued with the knowledge that the inevitable is probably close at hand. Then there is us. We tend to be stuck in neutral, we wait for something to happen rather than make it happen. We are not strongly in favor of slowing down, but we are not ready to jump feet first into anything either. We have a lot of recollection and memories to reflect upon. However, there is still the vague uncertainty of what is to come and when. Our challenge is, “What about The Now”, for this is the place where we currently reside?

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20 Mar 2011

Read This Before You….

Instructions. It is rumored that most men do not like reading directions. I know a few women that this applies to as well. The truth is almost all of us have issues with being told what to do on one level or another. The sad thing is that we are all forced to do that which we despise, and on a regular basis. My father, a wise man  indeed, told me as a child; “No matter who you are, no matter how rich or powerful you become, someone will always be telling you what to do.” My time with him was so very precious, I cannot recall exactly why this  particular discussion came about. I just know he was always able to put things into perspective for me. I may have said, “I hate doing this or when I grow up no one will ever make me do that”. Have words like that ever crossed your mind, have you ever said something along that line?

Instructions, directions, order, what’s wrong with them? I get a sense of stability from them, yet I resist. I  cannot say I have ever been particularly rebellious. I was not always in agreement with standards, but I would follow instructions. My protests were silent murmuring. Perhaps that is the worst kind of rebel, one who holds it in. Now on the other side of this milestone age, I find strong suggestions quite annoying (being polite). Orders  are viewed as trying to take control and at this point in life who needs to be controlled.  Not only do I not want to take these orders I do not want to give them either, for their are a few folks around that feel as I do, and they would make my life miserable.

The endeavor of owning my business was not completely based on a diluted view of independence, but in retrospect I have to realize it did play an important part. This was my way of taking control of the orders. I would now decide. Yet in reality, I only decided to take orders from someone in particular. Being in control is an illusion, an illusion that somehow you are in charge of something. The flip side of that control is responsibility, and are we not moving in a direction that is the polar opposite of responsible? We approach retirement, the children have grown up, mortgages almost paid off(I WISH!).

These endings in many ways represent freedom, but do not take freedom from whatever lightly. Freedom in itself has attachments; what will you do with these new found freedoms and what will they do to you? We all need purpose in life or we stagnate and die. Purpose requires interaction, interaction requires order/direction/instruction. Perhaps order is not so bad after all. As we look to simplify our lives isn’t it possible that one’s journey is easier to travel when it is mapped out in a plan, than to forge on aimlessly with no idea where you are going and what you will do once you arrive.

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18 Mar 2011

All We Do is Eat

When I was in my late twenties eons ago, one of my close friend’s mother(a.k.a. play aunt) was telling us about a gentleman she was seeing. Now she was/is an attractive lady, however as father time becomes a more familiar character in your life the “pickens become slimmer”. I remember laughing my heart out one day as she spoke of this gentleman with a bit of sarcasm; saying every time I call him or he calls me and the conversation moves to what are you doing he says, “Well er um I ‘m about to fix me something to eaaat…” I clearly remember thinking,” He must be a lazy fat slob lying around on the sofa, hot sauce drizzled down the front of his wife beater tee shirt. She can do much better than that.” I knew better, it was just a comical thought; his speech and diction alone dispelled that notion. However, Mr. Always-Feedin-His-Face did not disappear as rapidly as one might think.

I have to be honest here, food is my personal vice. If I am ever accused of anything, it will be first degree consumption. I am guilty as charged. I can find something to tempt my taste-buds on most menus, and if I cannot buy it generally I can cook it for myself. I have to ask, is gluttony a pre-geriatric condition? Do we, just before slipping into he ranks of “old age”, become reduced to virtual  eating machines. I can see how it could happen very easily.  Eating is recreational, eating is entertaining, eating is sensual.

Where are the “tailgaters”,  and who makes the best beef  brisket you know? Be it a football game or a backyard cookout, these are examples of eating for recreation. These events are excuses to eat. “Let’s do lunch, dinner is on me”…. Okay you may get together with those special someones to discuss the way of the world, or  even a business opportunity, but ultimately you are trying to get at that food. Candle light dinner at an out of the way little restaurant, breakfast on the balcony overlooking the white sandy beach and it will be that much better IF a stimulating conversation comes up.

Eating is wonderful, but we have to remember that what we eat will determine if we will be around for that next fantastic meal. It is easy to overdo, and  then overlook our health in this process of eating. One can be overwhelmed with the intake and ignore the danger signs. Don’t let “Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die” be your prophetic epitaph. So if all you do is eat, put some fiber and green veggies in your diet as well.

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13 Mar 2011

“I Gotta Rock”

You know this line. Any self-respecting “Charlie Brown “fan recognizes this from “It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown”. We are getting on in years. Some of us are doing it better than others.

Now do we sit still and accept the fateful hand of what nature has dealt us, or do we handle nature in our unique manner? Let’s explore. Remember when there were no advertisements for physicians? The way you found a doctor was through a family member, a friend, or by chance. Now some big P.R firm shoves the idea of having Doctor I. M. Special for your primary care physician down your throat and you accept it. After all you saw him on television all fixed up to look perfect, and if he is perfect you are convinced he knows what he is doing. There was a time that plastic surgeons were looked upon as the “perpetual black sheep” of the profession, now they are the “golden child” and it is all because of mainstreaming. We are looking for perfection, or the edge that can give us a closer shot at it. Keep in the back of your mind, that we all are moving on in age like it or not.

You have lived through years of eating three meals a day at some fast food restaurant and you wonder why you are overweight and have high blood pressure. Well we have to fix that, schedule yourself for out-patient liposuction and get a prescription for a diuretic of  your choice? Now what is the “hot drug” this week?By the way did it ever occur to you that just because some large pharmaceutic company is pushing a  particular drug that you may not be qualified to suggest to a trained physician what you need to take. You can stop putting that unhealthy fat-riddle fast food into your system, you can start exercising and eating balanced meals, oh but what am I saying that process would take time. I’m gonna need this weight loss/improved health/more youthful look on the instant gratification plan.

I shook my head in minor disgust, as I noticed the national tabloids sporting articles on celebrity cellulite and plastic surgeries gone wrong. I watched an ad for anti-aging cream  warn about fifty year old skin.  Well what’s wrong with fifty year old skin,  especially if you are fifty. If you have cellulite you go to the local plastic surgeon; he botches things up, now not only do you still have the signs of cellulite, you have additional scarring. You could have had that cellulite and not incurred a costly and possibly dangerous procedure. Forgive me, I am not going to rush out and have a doctor put me into a sleep that I may not awake from, so he can do something  to me that may not work.

When I was growing up my parents cautioned me to take care of my things, so that they would last for a longer time period. Huummm…However, when you are not satisfied with self, when you think that there is an easier, faster way of deceiving nature and turning back the hands of time; you have to realize that you, much like “Charlie Brown”, may end up with a rock.

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13 Mar 2011

II-“hafamindtochange”

Here we are again, in search for that comfort zone, we return to what is familiar.  What happened? Are we not trendsetters; the generation where so many changes took place that when the smoke cleared, we hardly recognized where we were and who we were.

Did we settle in or did we just settle?  Is it possible that so much change bred complacency, and innovation died in the process.

Mine is a restless soul, but I am NOT a risk-taker. I did a job for almost half my life and I didn’t even like it. As-A-Matter-of-Fact most people who knew me would tell you I actually hated it. I didn’t even know that I wasn’t doing a good job of disguising that contempt, it was after all, a means to an end . In silent protest or sheer stupidity I actively undermined a comfort zone. A method I would not suggest. I wish I could say that was the first, last , and only time I did something like that. I wish I could call it brave, devil-may-care, or cavalier, naah I was just plain stupid. The good news is I managed to land on my feet. I managed, with the help of God.

Born and raised as a Baptist, in adult life I sought an affiliation that was a bit more calm and reserved. The Methodists appealed to me and I joined them. I served on the usher board  primarily, because I could not sing. It made me feel like I was on the right road, I found that place with the Methodist. The spouse was not interested in organized religion but would ocassionally visit a place of worship. The children, as children, were never encouraged or discouraged from attending. Yet ironically, it was one of my children that lead me to my current pla ce of worship and in this place I have learned more in a few months than I did in all the years I attended and went through the motions . Sunday Service is a pleasure, a welcomed needed retreat and refuge. “And a little child shall lead them” Isaiah 11:6

What waits for us on the other side? The other side of what, well the other side of anything that is a barrier or stumbling block. My two examples give the impression of  it turned out better for you, but did you read between the lines? Just because we stop at a good point does not mean that the trek was not riddled with challenges. What is this life without challenges. God never told us that this life would be easy, He did say He would never leave us. Don’t be afraid  of change, have a little faith.

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13 Mar 2011

Fairy Tales with Phosphorus

“And they lived happily ever after”….  You guessed it this is about relationships or at least ideas about relationships. My parents were married until the day my father passed away. I NEVER witnessed an argument or even  a cross word between them. It is no surprise, at least to me, that I married my “dream” the love of my life. I had a picture of what an ideal relationship would be and I got just what I asked for.  My siblings have had mixed results. My closest friend were products of , if I can steal a boxing term, “split decisions”. Now I could try to sell you on how exposure to certain relationships make you predestined to that type of relationship and that would be based solely on my experience.  Then I would have to explain the sibs, thus poking a hole in the theory.

I once heard “you have the exact love life you want”. That sounds reasonable, if you are happy. What if you aren’t? Why on Earth would someone want a relationship that isn’t perfect? Did you ever ask for something you thought you wanted, and then once you got it changed your mind. Now could you  have seen yourself with an obsessive, jealous individual. Of course not, but what about someone who is zealously attentive or someone who cannot get you out of their mind. Chew on that for a bit.

We grew up in the midst of a divorce rate that reached the 50% mark, but in the back of our minds we could clearly recall folks whispering about a marriage breaking up. The “D” word became as common as bacon and eggs yet as taboo as devil worshiping, and we were stuck in the middle wondering how we would cope. Remember now, we have the exact love life we want.  I submit this to you; we are always running, running away from or running toward something. Maybe we need to slow down and walk, or if necessary just simply stop.

Let’s return to the personal place this writer’s history; parents married till death parted them, their children all married.The end result so far 1 divorced, 3 still married, 1 admittedly with the exact love life they wanted. To be continued….

Here’s a test to see if you are paying attention; can you tell if this writer is happy, is this piece a promotion, bashing, or warning for marriage. You have to read me closely.

Finally, my “happily ever after” couple tribute. They have been a couple since high school; they are parents and grandparents, apparently he is still her football star and she is still his beauty queen. The thought of them makes me smile. I am thrilled to say I know them now, and I knew them when.

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13 Mar 2011
1 Comment

Is Everything Disposable?

My flat screen television went on the “blink” a short time ago, fortunately it was under warranty. I contacted the manufacturer and began the process of getting my problem taken care of. The short version of this story is a repairman was dispatched, he came out spent about ten minutes working on the set( five of those ten minutes he was on the phone with the manufacturer) before he told me it couldn’t be fixed and Sharp would have to send me a new one. I pondered about how disappointed I was. I mean this set was only about a year old, I liked it, I was used to it and now I had to go through another procedure before I could watch television. Why, because I thought when a repairman was dispatched to see about a relatively new piece of machinery I expected it to be fixed. Hold on, I thought when I bought that set it would last more than a year before I would be faced with going out and searching for another one. Think about it what was the last thing you had fixed in your home? I remember a time in my life very clearly technicians/repairmen coming to our home to fix washing machines, refrigerators, and yes televisions. I also remember that devices such as these used to last quite a long time.

Maytag advertised that their repairmen were the loneliest peole in town. This claim was to draw your attention to the fact that their machines were so good, so reliable that you basically did not need a repairman and the poor guy was destined to a life of boredom and loneliness. You, on the other hand, the smart consumer would have a great piece of equipment to last a lifetime. Value for your dollar, who could ask for more. Wait, value for your dollar, integrity, sound and solid products, are these a thing of the past?

Disposable used to apply to paper products, items that were understandably cheaper to toss in the trash than to take time to clean or wash (i.e. napkins, plates, cups) let alone replace. I find it utterly ridiculous to think about getting a new item such as a printer instead of buying a replacement cartridge of ink, yet I recently found it to be true.

Making things that are so easily replaced, cheapens and devalues them. Let’s revisit my television, one might think”okay well at least you got a new set”, but this is the deal. I didn’t want a new set I had the set I wanted. I went shopping, I did my research and decided on that particular model. Suddenly, I am told this is no good and here is another one.  Think about it, if it is so easy to replace don’t you wonder if was made very good to begin with?Am I becomimg my parents, living in the cliche’ of “I remember when”,  and if I am is it wrong to expect something I paid for to last long enough for me to feel comfortable in throwing out the packaging it came in?

Posted in As Consumers
13 Mar 2011

I-“hafanewlife”

I haven’t written in years. My sons encouraged me to resume, but I resisted. However, once my younger son became involved in the world of writing and journalism, he became relentless and I caved. Perhaps it is as simple as the desire was always there and I was in denial.

This is my introduction and test. Me; I am in my 50’s and I am truly enjoying this part of life. Thus, the blog name hafacenturyncounting- translation half a century and counting. I will, at the very least, employ this “wordplay” in my titles periodically.

Where are we? I am not speaking of local here. I was astounded to find out even before I read a single statistic about “baby boomers” I fit the profile. Beyond the obvious of falling into the charted birth years, someone had invaded my mindset. I look, dress, live the part. I could pick “me” out of a crowd, and I don’t know if I like that. Okay I color my hair, I watch a reality show or two, I still wear shorts and quietly criticize others who I deem are not in shape to do so but don’t realize it, I have returned to Church after a religious hiatus, and I am let’s just say disappointed with politics.

I woke up on my 50th birthday and I said,” Ima do me”.  During my time in my 50’s I have stopped coloring my hair, I changed careers (although a year prior to 50) and decided I had no regrets, I cannot tell you the last time “fast food” was an important part of my life and I met one of the most fantastic little persons ever, my 1st(and hopefully more to follow since I have two sons) grandchild. I am not looking at this time in my life as a slow down period, but more of an era of absorbing and that in itself requires a bit of extra time and effort.

So stop driving around the parking lot for twenty minutes in search of the closest spot to the door, just park and walk. Watch that television program, but realize just because it is labeled reality doesn’t mean it is real, and accept the fact that YOUR 15 minutes of fame may be illuminated in light of the eyes of some special person you actually know.

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