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Archive for the category “How We Relate”

05 Apr 2014
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The Un-Happiest Place On Earth

I was so happy to be back in the “rat-race” a few short months away from retirement, but so far away from  some challenges, I returned happily. The pay not nearly what I wanted (is it ever),  it was an amount I could deal with. The benefits were worth their weight in gold. Not only did I have the comfort of knowing I had them, but the relief from stress was priceless.

I went to my new gig daily with an attitude of,” It is great to be here”. However, I looked all around me and saw the faces of descension. I saw scowling expressions and seriously unhealthy folks. I shook my head as one of these individuals allowed a door to close practically in my face. I resisted the inner self that said,” BITCH, I know you saw me..” I laughed to myself and said, ” These people don’t know how good they have it”.

I survived weeks of training. I tried to excuse the opinions and conclusions I was drawing; as I  observed time passing and my retention of the material not nearly where I thought/ felt/ knew I should have been. I tried to keep it simple, “It was me”. I kept my  composure as each instructor presented material and in most cases followed up the lesson with , “You probably won’t see this any time soon”. I carried around and tried to keep a manual organized filled with information that I was told, ” You cannot rely on this because it changes so often”.  I tried not to think, ” I am gonna be out here on my own, not having a clue as to what I am telling people calling or writing in for…” I still tried to remain positive because my instructor and managers said, ” You will be fine”.

Then it became harder and harder to look at those faces I encountered, along with the impolite attitudes, and NOT understand “why”. I feared I was beginning to relate. The transformation began taking place in the final week of training. Then the very day we were no longer in the status of “training” we were treated as though we were seasoned professionals, rather than being recognized as newly released green–peas. When we asked questions our managers/leads/coaches  now looked at us like,”WHY DON”T YOU HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS? ” This group of individuals who gave the impression as well as said, they wanted team work, now informed us we should not talk to one another and exchange information ( i.e. we should not try to help each other). I glanced at the mirror one evening, as I took one of many needed stress breaks, and noticed one of those unhappy scowls looking at me and guess what, it was me!

The morale has plummeted, in some instances bottomed out. The assistance/coaching has intensified to triple magnitude micro-management from folks who technically aren’t managers  to complete disconnect  by others. You are either being watched as you take every breath and step,  or  totally ignored and left out there with all your problems and questions alone. The actual managers appear to as well as demonstrate concern for one thing, themselves. How about that for a team effort, a far cry from “We’re all in this together”.

I thought about the faces, the bad attitudes, and the un-toned bodies. It began to make sense, more and more. Now as I pass through the gates no matter how I try to imagine a day that I  will once again feel the emotion I had the day I got the job. For while I am grateful each and everyday; I have a lot of imagining to do and this is a far cry from a theme park.

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05 Apr 2014

Worn Out Welcomes

This should be short and sweet.  Only a couple points to make; first don’t do it, second if you do leave quietly. End story right? However, when you factor in _____________ the list becomes virtually endless. Saturday Night Live did a spoof of 1950’s horror movies and theirs was  a trailer called, “The Thing That Wouldn’t Go Home”.  Complete with cheesy music, obvious lines blatantly suggesting departure should take place NOW, and timed screams, “The Thing”  just did not get it.

When you  talk about a guest in your home well it can be touchy. Yet once they are gone you can do things to avoid a  recurrence. Making sure you aren’t available for the next visit, risk friendship by telling them the truth about the previous visit, etc. What do you do when it is a resident in your neighborhood? What if “The Thing” is your next door neighbor who owns his home and your horror movie isn’t about him going home, it is about him and/or his behavior going away, period?

“The Thing” has, in essence, worn out his welcome in the neighborhood. He has not taken the subtle and/or blatant hints. His defiance has upset the cozy environment, now something must be done about him.

They say “You Can’t Fight City Hall”, but you can. The problem is you have to keep at it long enough for two things to happen; 1.city hall realizes you have a problem, 2. you will not go away until they do something about it. Depending on  the size of the city will determine how much noise you must make and how long you have to keep at it.

Sometimes in the midst of situations you may wake to find that you have now become “The Thing That Wouldn’t….“ No one ever said that being right or correct keeps you safe from being labeled that which is unwanted.  The truth is having to make someone perform at a higher level is not always welcome. How many calls or complaints from one individual constitutes an annoyance? You think, “I am only  asking that they do their job”, while the party on the receiving end is thinking, “Will you let me do my job”.

When it is finally over and all is said and done, you may come to realize that all that you have accomplished has not had the affect you hoped for.  Individuals who push to a point where all one wants from them is for them to be gone are clueless;  while you can push them out the door or kick them in the behind, that does not mean you will cure that invasive part of them and keep them from doing the very same thing again. You must come to grips with the fact they were never really welcome, just merely tolerated, and now they have reached zero-tolerance.

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06 Mar 2014
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Sorry To Disappoint You But…

I suppose I am not only confused, I am equally confusing.  If you have ever had your proverbial coattail pulled, you will be able to relate. You have to be able to bare your soul to those you call family and friends, but then the realization comes to you in an unexpected form, that maybe you need to keep a little of that soul covered for the sake of all concerned.

On this journey called life we encounter a vast variety of experiences that we sometimes have to come to grips with; we lived through them, but did not necessarily conquer them. The appearance of” being on top” for example can be deceiving and therefore gives off an illusion. You don’t mean to trick or fool those close to you, but they can easily be convinced of things merely because they want them to be true. Expectations are high, you don’t want to disappoint, but at some point in time you must face facts and so must those you are closest to.

Flawed, imperfect, weak, and devoid of solution you cower in your little corner waiting for someone to pick you up and carry you to safety, even if you have historically been the one doing the picking up. This now must be coupled with the knowledge your cries as well as your crisis went unnoticed. It is so difficult to carry so much and not complain. Honestly, it takes a lot to carry loads and complain. Understand as let down as you feel that”rock”, you thought you knew, is experiencing the backlash of what you feel and placing the additional burden upon themselves of “I should have been better“.

The problem with a “rock” is that the tough exterior is porous, this means the damage comes over time from something penetrating and seeping in. Conditions, just like climate, change and eventually the “rock” cracks; it is weakened now no longer able to withstand what it used to, finally  the crack will break the “rock”. Though it may take a long time and the outward appearance does not change much internal changes are taking place.

“Those things that do not kill us make us strong”. However, strong people get taken advantage of as much as the weak ones do.

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27 Feb 2014
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Frienemies Will Come, Frienemies Will Go..

Oh yeah we all have them. Whether you admit or recognize them they do exist, and they exist in your life.  You just may not know them by the name. You eat lunch with them, you attend their parties, you live next door to them. Just when you think they are on your side, you find yourself face down on a sidewalk for no apparent reason, and guess who is the closest one to you.

A memorable one in my life  happened in when we moved to our home on the Palos Verdes Peninsula, my “Shang-ra-la”, over 24 years ago and frankly I can’t even remember the bitch’s name. Forgive my candor. She was rather insignificant in my life other than we lived next door to one another. Her family consisted of two girls and a husband, mine two boys and a husband. Our children went to school together; elementary and middle, they were far friendlier with one another than we parents were. Yet we were cordial, we exchanged niceties, there were brief simple conversations, and did not interfere with our kid’s friendship.

One  hot day I was picking my son up and my car died; I wasn’t so worried about the car, I wanted to get the kids home, and my husband was at work. I saw my next door neighbor and thought, “Oh great I can catch a ride with her, my husband won’t have to leave work and when he gets home later he can deal with this”. No, I did not have triple A at the time. If you are a parent you know the scene at school when picking up kids a stream of cars waiting their turn to pick up the children and whisk them away to the next destination, be it home or some after school activity. So I rapidly walked over to her minivan window and said ,”Hi___ (at the time I knew her name;by the time this was over she had a new one that I do still know) my car just died on me and I was hoping I could hitch a ride with you..” She looked at me with an acknowledging but blank look, then said in a cheesy manner while lifting up her cell , ” You can use my phone.” I put my hand up to say STOP squinted my eyes, and walked away shaking my head. I was livid. I  had a cell phone, the wait was the issue. I tried to justify why in the seconds that preceded my anger. The oversimplified and most obvious was never far from my first thought. The Peninsula was not the most diverse area of Southern California. We waited for my husband to come and we survived.

About three days later, after the mail truck passed I was out at my mailbox and “she” came out while I was standing there.  She gave me this uncertain smile and waved. I glared at her with contempt, our eyes met, I shook my head in disgust, smirked, and walked away. I never waved or spoke to her again. We lived next door to her family about a year after that incident and then we moved to Georgia. Needless to say without any type of exchange.

It is amazing how a simple not well thought-out act can change the course of relationships forever. Looking out for packages when no one was home, watching for strangers, being mindful of children, even paying attention while out and about became stricken from my mind. In reality I did pay even closer attention to those things, hoping for an opportunity to make the decision to be as much of a JERK to her as she was to me.  After all now and understandably so, I would help an absolute stranger before I would lift a finger to assist HER in any way, fashion, or form.

I had to stop myself at some point though and realize/admit that we were never anything to begin with. That is what frienemies are about, they get or are close to you, the feign good feelings/ good will and when you least expect it.. watch-out-for-that-cement-truck-comin-at-you-too-late! Frenemies are neighbors , co-workers, relatives and sometimes they are close enough to be mistaken as friends. They want something from you. It may be as simple as, “I need to know you won’t let someone you know break into my house and rob me blind” or “How good are you at this job and how much competition will  you pose to me in my quest for this promotion” to “I need to know you won’t let my mate sleep with you“. Get this folks “they” (shoe on the other foot) will let someone break in your house, sabotage your promotion, contest the will, AND sleep with your spouse!

Therefore watch out for them. If you run into someone who has virtually nothing in common with you but you just seem to click, or IF you run into someone who you have an amazing amount of things in common with; take a good look at what you PERCEIVE as the connection. For while strange new relationships seem novel at the time, sometimes with a closer look, you may save yourself an unwanted surprise awakening.

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15 Feb 2014

Assigning Blame and Finding Justice

So you have been wronged, what now? What will make you feel better? I would say nothing short of getting exactly what YOU think would be fair. However in the real world, the world that advertises the impartiality of justice, but practices a subjective interpretation of that same justice, the likelihood of you being completely satisfied is slim .

Here we are once again with a high-racially charged profile trial; The Florida Case of Michael Dunn accused of killing 17 year old Jordan Davis. Manipulated by the press and media in all forms, we are being taken on a guided tour of our fears, insecurities, and anger. Each of us asks, “What on Earth are these jurors missing, Why can’t they see what any half -wit can see?”I blame/give credit to the media for playing “us” like the ratings experts they are.

Lets go for fear to start with; in a trial where race IS factored in, as in this case, the group who the victim belongs to feels like,” If justice is not served we will see an upsurge of this behavior for there is no consequence. While the counterpart thinks,” This is the way it is and one must accept it”.

Our insecurities come into play asking,” What do we do, how do we react now that this has happened and if the system fails us, AGAIN” Counterparts,” This one has to get through, but how many more will? How do we keep THIS system in check?”

Finally, anger rears it’s head and is ready for a fight. Armed with that anger nothing is impossible, it is fueled for war. Yet you must realize it oftentimes charged with the energy of emotion there is little room for logic and common sense. “We are NOT going to stand for this treatment”, says one side while the other side say, ” We are prepared to fight”.

In another life perhaps I would have liked to have been an attorney, for I love the law and am fascinated by it. I respect the law and realize I DO NOT UNDERSTAND ALL ASPECTS OF IT. However, I do possess the ability to read, understand and think. I have to trust the system and give the benefit of the doubt to the jury, that they have these same characteristics available to them as well.

Admittedly, I do exist in the “racial divide”. I don’t want to, but I am neither naive or stupid. I am however, HOPEFUL. I do not walk around with a perpetual “chip-on-my-shoulder”, but I do not exist with blinders over my eyes either. I can say I have happily found a place that keeps me residing in that HOPEFUL state, but every-so-often I get a visit from unfair, sometimes injustice invades my space.”They” are not always going to go away quietly, but then again neither am I.

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11 Nov 2013

Someone You Used To Know

An old friend of mine got married the other day and it got me to thinking. Now let me elaborate some, the old friend was an ex-love and the other day was well about 35 + years ago. I have to say the marriage was a hurtful thing, because I wanted to be the one to marry him. I was fully engulfed in a major case of “puppy love” with the side effect of believing even a Pyrrhic Victory would be fulfilling. Years later I would discover I wasn’t right in my thinking, and as genuine as I thought my love was it passed. The marriage ended rather quickly. I married another and life went on. I still see and communicate with my “friend” and admittedly I smile about the way I felt about him and the closeness that meant so much to ME. I also get a bit of satisfaction out of knowing the universe manages to get things right. He and I were not suited for one another, and forcing that issue could have been a disaster. Instead we now can sit and talk and laugh, because we are friends with no undertone and no expectations.

Who is out there like this for you? The “ex” you thought you’d end up with, the “ex” you are relieved you didn’t end up with or the “ex” you kinda forgot about. Some how you run into a reminder, a photo or even them in the flesh.  If they cross your mind you wonder how you’ll feel, if they cross your path you wonder how/why you will react. If there is a rise, they clearly have NOT gotten to the place of which is the subject of this piece.

Perhaps your current situation is relate-able. Think about options in life in general; if given the choice of being demoted or being terminated, what would you do. First you have to take ego out of the equation, but in reality the equation is non-existent without ego.  I mean having a job but being embarrassed and disgraced by loosing your title, versus being embarrassed , disgraced, and broke. This is seemingly a “no-brainer”. Yet, I do understand and in my youth I may have chosen to appear tough and say, “Fire me, huh I quit!!!” Youth has the uncanny ability to make us overlook less important things, like common sense and acquisition of knowledge.

Then I fast forward to the real inspiration for this short piece. I looked at pictures of someone who we thought could have fit easily into our family, but it was not meant to be. I see a radiant smile on her face, loving family surrounding her, the dress, and I am truly happy for her.  She deserves “happy”. Remember the universe gets things right. Sometimes no matter how much WE think we know what should and should not be, human beings are “tried and true” mistake makers. As with my experience, life moves on and now there is another who may be the one to replace “the one who might have been”. Time will tell. She is vibrant, charming, smart, talented, and fun, her presence lets me see something in my child I haven’t been privy to before. If this is what the universe has in store, if she is the one… WONDERFUL! My only hope for my children always has been and will be is that they find “happy”, with the one who is equally “happy” with them. If not, there is always room for another in that spot simple labeled “someone I used to know”. .

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04 Oct 2013

Completely Wrong

Thinking about us, human beings, I am forever amazed. Tragic events unfold daily. Someone gets angry in traffic and an all out riot erupts. “Our” House of Representatives sit in Washington D.C with their genitals in their hands while the citizens of the United States of America suffer, trying to place the blame elsewhere. I say,” be responsible, do your job”, but wait it isn’t that easy when you realize that we all are nothing more than high functioning illiterates.

Yes, face it folks there is something wrong with each and everyone of us. In some cases something MAJOR! Press us and disaster is seconds away from happening. How did we get here? Well to my target audience(everybody) there was a time in my life that  some people who we see on the streets today, given the generic title of homeless were not running rampant in the streets. How many individuals have you personally encountered (directly or indirectly) that exhibit behavior that you as a layman would deem worthy of  controlled observation? Realizing that if you can only answer one, most of the population can say the same.

Homeless is an unfair and oversimplified term; it covers former veterans, unemployed, under-medicated, runaways, many individuals whose only common link is they do not have a residence. It angers me. When I was a little girl in Kansas I remember seeing a man who was at that time called a “hobo”, maybe some of you all from Southern Cal remember “Hobo Kelly”? Hobo was endearing,  he rode trains carried a handkerchief knapsack and smiled at you harmlessly. As time moved forward the hobo was no longer endearing as the fight for survival became more and more challenging, the hobo became frightening and dangerous. The term disappeared the individual did not, a simple name change came about and his identity was forever altered.

I think of how I observed children when my kids were young, and how I noticed our society placing individuals with special needs in schools/classrooms with individual who did not have those same challenges. On the one hand you say great, acceptance but on the other maybe there is neglect. Children can be cruel, they say what is on their minds, I wonder if adequate research was done before it was decided a child who is in a wheelchair is going to be okay with self and accepted by others, if you put him or her into an environment where they are going to stand out.  Then if it is okay for the child in the wheelchair what about the child who is not learning at the same rate. We try to sugar coat the world, but the truth is that child may very well be there, in that seemingly NORMAL environment, because of a lawsuit rather than benevolence. In our fight for NORMAL we may be creating something  dangerous.

What about Sue in the cubicle next to you.  Did you know she was in the throws of yet another divorce, number three, and she has been on xanax so long she takes them like vitamins? Oh course not she comes to work, she does her job, and doesn’t bother anyone, that is as long as she takes her meds. Joe who is a recovering alcoholic has lunch with Sam everyday, he knows Sam needs help because Joe has been there. However, Sam is in denial Sam is great at what he does and Sam is the boss. Does this sound familiar, could these people be people you work with?

The children, the co-workers, the homeless; we have become so insensitive to our fellow man because we are all wrapped up in problems of our own, and we don’t realize how messed up we all are because we have to function and go on. That’ my point. One of my favorite sayings, “nothing is completely wrong, even a stopped clock is right twice a day”. Oh how I found renewed hope when I read that, but now practically everything is digital so when a clock stops working the screen goes blank. I hope that is not what has happened to us in the “community of man”.  I know better, I know we are not at the point of completely wrong. After all, we are still making watches and clocks with dials.

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06 Sep 2013
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Casualties

When you think of a casualty what is the first thing that comes to mind? This writer connects it to war and loss. Well there are many types of wars and even more types of loss.

As we age our relationships and connections change, they evolve at an astounding rate. Perhaps we notice the changes more so because of what we are preoccupied with, CHANGE. I was reviewing photos and articles surrounding the March on Washington and came across  something that “blew my mind”.  There is so much amazing and rich history surrounding that event that one should not be surprised at what they see, but fifty years ago I was not quite 4 years old. Alive but not aware of the world outside the protective walls of my home and the arms of my parents.

There in the midst of my scrolling through pages I came across a shot of James Baldwin, he was flanked by what was considered “Hollywood Royalty” . I sighed and wished that people cared about one another again. I wished that we could look outside our own personal needs. Then I symbolically shook myself; I had to go back to that photo when I realized who I saw in that same photo and I had to confirm it. There he was James Baldwin small, in stature only, with Marlon Brando on one side and Charleton Heston on the other.  Gun toting, “they can pry it from my cold dead hand” , NRA poster boy, Charleton Heston! Now I grew up with Charleton Heston attached to the image of Moses; surely you cannot play a good man, a man of God like Charleton Heston did, and not be “good”.  However in adult life I saw another side of Mr. Heston, and I didn’t like it or HIM anymore. After learning of his politics and affiliations with the NRA and his stance on guns, as much as I LOVED ” The Ten Commandment” I could never quite view the film the same.

I asked myself what happened to the man who was pictured attending and participating in an event that screamed to the United States of America and alerted world JUSTICE, EQUALITY, and FREEDOM must be for all or none truly possess it. The first thing that came to mind was he got old, a casualty of age. He was not unique for if we are fortunate enough to continue living, age will take prisoners of us all from one aspect or another. Yet we eliminate or overlook the positive aspect of aging, we look on and fear loss of the familiar.

You see it all around; in politics it is especially clear, we put these people in office because they “SAY” they understand us and know what we want and need. Adamantly insisting “THEY” will deliver. “THEY” lie, practically(I am being generous here) all of “THEM”. Once they have secured their position they go about and pursue their own agenda and at the top of that list is to make sure “THEY” have all “THEY”want need and desire… and we look on with shock and anger.

I wanted to be amazed by Charleton Heston, but then I realized I actually knew about him and the March on Washington. I had chosen to have selective amnesia, I could pull it off because I am becoming a part of the group I refer to as “older”. There it was my built in excuse.  My conscious would not allow me to overlook the fact things that I exuberantly sought out in my 20’s have now somehow lessened on my priority list in my 50’s.

Today I want to challenge you to think beyond yourself; think of your children and grandchildren, remember being younger having hopes and dreams. Think of what or who came into your young life and tried to bash the gifts of your youth for no apparent reason. Gather those thoughts and look at them closely; recall (and admit to it) thinking “old bastard” and know now someone sees that in you when you get ugly especially.  On the flip side to the younger folks who read this, if you are fortunate, your day is coming; the next gray haired individual you cut off in traffic, chose to use offensive language in the presence of with NO regard, the very image/representation of your parent or grandparent today, WILL be you tomorrow. Keep having hopes and dreams of something beyond YOU. Resist becoming a casualty.

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26 Aug 2013
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Say, Uncle…

“Say, Uncle” is a tribute to another all important male figure in a child’s life. First this is not going to cover each unique family situation, there are exceptions to ever rule. I am going to use examples  from personal experiences and observations, hopefully in a manner that will allow my readers to take and exchange for their own.

We all have a favorite relative outside the immediate family; here I am going to use the term favorite as simply an expression of blind admiration, be it grandparent, cousin, aunt, or uncle. One of these people simply connects with you in a way that make you feel special, and therefore they in turn are special to you.

Watching my son with his first and only niece over these past few years took me back to my childhood where I recalled my uncles. My family was large on both sides, I had 10 uncles. I had the serious one, the fun one, the mysterious one, the mean one and the one you barely knew. Each of my uncles fell into one of those categories or a slight variation. Without the benefit of the internet and cell phones, if you had a relative in a place not close enough to travel by car or walk to, you were very limited in contact. Holidays and special occasions were truly special. While there was a great presence of my family nearby, there were several that lived a good distances away.  The funny thing about a favorite though, they manage to make you recall, remember and cherish them as if no time or space existed between you.

“Uncle Bud”was that guy for me. Although as life allows you to see flaws in things(i.e. my belief he was so special and only I had the benefit of seeing this fact), I realize he was not exclusively “my” favorite uncle. As my cousins and I have talked, he actually held that title in a number of our eyes. He was a truly special guy to have kids of his own and to manage to make his brothers’ kids all think he was the greatest man other than their own dad, well that is quite a feat. He gave me a large amount of money for my graduation gift, BUT what meant more than anything else was he came to California to be there and on top of that and stayed for a week. Just for me. I remember every dinner, sitting on the front porch laughing and talking, and his cigars.  Now I think and thought cigars the most horrible. smelly, vile, nauseating things; BUT when it came to Uncle Bud, they were just a part of who he was, they didn’t even cause me to blink. He passed away many years ago, but I can always remember him with a smile on my face and warmth in my heart. He was loved dearly.

I believe my granddaughter will have the feelings I had for my Uncle Bud for her Uncle Tio. The moniker was given to him by his brother, of whom he is very close to. I cannot tell you how many times people with command of the Spanish language and those who possess a very limited knowledge of it, tell us” you know you are saying Uncle Uncle.” We laugh as we have over they years when we talk of how people constantly ask what the “J” stands for(his name is JAY). At three his niece knows Uncle Tio IS Jay. He cradled her clumsily, as his brother did, on day one of her life on Earth. He colors with her, reads stories, dances to her Disney Movies, tosses her into the air to her delight, and shares his pizza. As she demonstrated the will of a three year old, he stood firm and made her sit quietly until she relinquished that she must do what Uncle Tio tells her to do and listen. A midst quite dramatic tears, she gave in and moments later all was forgiven and forgotten. Being a single 20 something man, who wants to make sure his niece knows of his involvement and love for her, makes him stand out. I cannot explain this completely; yet I know I am seeing it more and more, that’s a good thing. Pay attention in the mall, at doctor’s offices, and in photos on facebook; you may see that all important doting uncle standing by, on guard, with a toddler in tow or in arms.

In childhood games “Say Uncle” is used as a command to demonstrate who was in control; my “Say, Uncle” is an outcry to the fellows with nieces and nephews who need to know that there are other men in this world, outside their immediate family and besides their fathers, who will be present in their lives in a positive fashion.

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24 Aug 2013
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Coming To Terms And Finding Balance

Early mornings when it is dark and quiet, thoughts are free to float about in your mind. Many people will not have this experience for numerous reasons the most obvious being, they simply aren’t morning folk.  After 36 years of pre-dawn starts, it is my norm.

I was reading a nice story about reconnecting and it made me smile. The story was of a siblings finding one another after 30 years! Exciting right; but if you have lost touch with someone it will bring a bit of melancholy to you whether or not this separation was intentional.

Everything in our lives works or doesn’t because we are in a state that puts us at unrest. We search for a mate, we search for a job, we search for dinner; none of these are impossible to obtain, it is just we are confused about the combinations of what factors will give us satisfaction and ultimately end our search. We want to reach the “finish line”.

Anticipation or exhaustion, you have gotten to your limit. Now that you have made this determination you must live with it, and that may be easier said than done. Here is where finding balance comes in. I tag myself notorious for “thinking things through, and generally I am convinced of just that. However, I also have to note those well thought through, deliberate notions do not always have staying power.

They (deliberate notions) are well thought out for the short-term and disguised as long-term decisions. They say,” Absolutely, my decision, I can live with this”. Five, Thirteen, Twenty-Five years down the line when the only thing that has seemingly changed is you, are you still gonna say,” you can live with it” and remember why it was you made that statement in the first place.

What do you say? It sounds good, feels good, looks good to be representative of something that is beyond a top-surface. Yet in reality, we all know it takes a little bit more of your entire being to really demonstrate ones actual heart. Doing things with conviction versus having an ulterior motive may be the best gauge you have available to you, so govern yourself accordingly. Don’t do things for reaction or results in this/these instance(s), sometimes it may not be what you expect or want. The balance will come if you are truly putting something of real value into what you hope to convey.  Remember, “You get what you give.”

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