hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

Archive for the category “How We Relate”

24 Aug 2013

Lovin You..Tests Me Every Day

I think of Minnie Ripperton’s song “Lovin You” so this post has a theme song and if you read on the melody will be the same but the words will totally change.

Let me address the critics who will comb through my title and take me verbatim;  words like all every, never, always.. Well we know that the absolute is not intended they are for uses that addresses the extreme, to amplify seriousness, or to imply how very widespread the thought is. That said, love and loving is a wonderful thing. We love our parents, our spouses, our children, our friends, our siblings and the subsections of each. That is a lotta love. When I talk about tests, one might look at this as a challenge, a difficulty, or simply something to get through.

Most people don’t like test and the interpretation might be a lotta love = a lotta work. Well what of it? I mean haven’t you ever taken a test and done well on it. Think about how you felt then and apply it to love.

My 3 year old granddaughter is becoming increasingly active; at first I was up for the challenge of keeping up, now I must admit it is more difficult than I allowed myself to believe. At times I feel bad because I just don’t want to do anything but rest, and I worry that she will begin to equate me with the notion of people and places you’d just NOT rather be around. All this because I cannot always keep up with someone who is, in short a dynamo! I tell myself it is okay if we skip Monkey Joe’s this weekend and we opt for the Merry-Go-Round at the mall.

What about you parents of teens. The budding adults, who want to be treated with respect and given freedoms. All the while, leaving wet towels in their bedrooms and dirty dishes in the sink. Did they miss the part about responsibility going hand and hand with being treated more like an adult. Here you are a virtual germ-a-phobe living under the same roof as “Pig-Pen”.  You prep for “warfare” verbal or physical, meaning you clean up or yell at them to do what they knew they should do in the first place.  Aren’t you tested, it doesn’t mean you love this child of yours any less, just that a particular part of them tests your very being.

Just for fun let’s toss in some sibling rivalry, spouse relations, and aging parents; I will leave those out there for you to decipher. Tell me if you don’t think love tests you and I leave you with the reminder that the song of Minnie Ripperton, which I referenced in the beginning, ends with a tribute to her daughter Miya(you hear her name over and over) whose crying was testing her very talented parent.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , | Leave a comment
05 Aug 2013

“L’eh Me Splain Sumthin Lucy”

For anyone who has never seen an episode of “I Love Lucy” no matter how unlikely that may be; this title is taken from a line a very familiar character, her husband on and off screen at the time, delivered with his slightly exaggerated accent. Therefore this is my lead into a discussion on race.

I watched the news and saw reactions from the Sports World in regards to yet another young player who got caught on video being” human”. Arguably,  he said something stupid, mean, hurtful, insensitive, I could go on. Riley Cooper spurned a debate in my life between the” old die-hard radical” and the “flower child,”read into that comparison what you will.  Nearing the Diamond Jubilee Anniversary of life on this planet affords one some very strong, documented, validated reasoning and opinions. It does not however counteract or even dilute the hopes of one junior in chronology, armed with merely a half century + of exposure and experiences. One says, “It will never change, all the years I have been here shows it”. The other says,” It can change, it is changing, and I believe I will see the reality of that change in my lifetime.

He said,”Well it just figures”.  I did not tell him young Riley was born and bred in Oklahoma, which would have immediately brought forth the reminder of the 1921 Tulsa Race Riots. I said,” I do believe he is sorry”. Ground-work laid for the healthy, vigorous debate. Before we could get started, after my statement, the smirk and eyes rolling up into his head demonstrated what he thought of MY opinion already. I continued in spite of this though. I do not always think with my heart and emotions as certain individuals would have you believe, for I know this young NFL wide-receiver, apology noted and accepted by HIS teammates, is going to have a LONG season ahead of him to say the least! He will undoubtedly be subject to dirty hits, funny looks, and biased judgement for what he said in a fit of anger with the aid of alcohol. We as a society have a long way to go with race relations, but we do tend to overt displays of this unsavory behavior; John Rocker, Kerry Collins, Mel Gibson, Michael Richards can all attest to this.

However to be fair history has made many folks, senior to our group, draw the conclusions this particular counter part of mine has drawn.  He said,” How many times have I told you how they act when they have a little liquor in them. The truth comes out.” As I listened and reflected on how what came out of HIS mouth sounded very familiar; it sounded as though it was coming from a racist, just like ones of whom he detests.

While one element in our society grows tired of hearing about race, the other side of the coin says it is ALL about race, and even though both are extreme I welcome the fact race is coming up at all, for it is at the very least birthing dialogue.  This dialogue is not going to be all niceties and proper, for the subject is ugly and violent reaction would be expected (NOTE: I said violent reaction NOT violence). However, when the smoke clears perhaps some real work and solutions can come forth. We cannot continue to ignore that status of race relations in this country. It is clear that leaving the subject alone doesn’t make it  get better or even go away and die; it hides, festers and pops out mutated and stronger than before.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
27 Jul 2013
1 Comment

The Birth Of A Prince(or Princess)

Such a special occasion, a time of celebration and excitement. The fact that you are there makes it that much more cherished. After months of waiting, hours of labor finally this tiny helpless being arrives. He arrives unaware that there are millions anticipating, for all he needs is the love and comfort of two. As they gather to get a first glimpse of a face that is going to change so much in the days to come, his appearance is admired by his awestruck parents who find him simply perfect. No truer words were ever spoken than when the Duchess of Cambridge offered,” Any family knows how we feel”. Profound, no but it was refreshing to see a side of so-called ROYALTY that was just normal and human.

Here we are at the threshold or even in the throws of our new stage of parenting; grandparents. We anticipate their arrival from the time they enter the world, to the weekly visits and overnight adventures. We watch closely and contribute our knowledge and experience to our children regarding their upbringing, where requested and allowed. Sometimes even when our pearls of wisdom are not so welcomed, we offer them anyway. We adore these little beings of whom we are free to love and spoil, but send home for the “hard stuff”. Charmed and beloved, they are our little princes and princesses.

As you travel into this wondrous land which may require you to be in the public eye, be mindful and careful that all who encounter your little angel(s) may not recognize who they clearly are to you. Remember you have the benefit of being an insider, you have known them from the start and what you see is the whole picture not a momentary temper tantrum.

During those less than pleasant times all others will see is yet another spoiled brat misbehaving. Expect nothing more than that. Try not to impose upon others and in turn you can enjoy time with “your little royals” in a calm leisurely manner. The most important lesson you can learn is this; the next time you see a little one writhing on the floor in your favorite department store or hear a scream in a clam quiet environment,  rest assured with the knowledge there is some little prince or princess in disguise nearby and they simply forgot they were not alone.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , ,
18 Jun 2013

Bittersweet

This is about trying to understand what life has in store for you and where you stand. I want you to live forever; as long as you can live the way I know makes you, you. If you knew tomorrow was your last day on Earth what would you differently? Moreover, what would you do?

I watched as yet another display of anger came spewing out. I am so close it is hard to remain silent and indifferent, but you know what you know. When you are in a no win situation do you really get any comfort in,”Well at least I said what was on my mind”? Anger possesses characteristics of a disease; it eats away at you, it builds on weakness, and finally if it is allowed to go untreated it destroys.

I thought about my own hurt and anger. I have been challenged this June. I try to stay positive, but there are moments that no matter what I tell myself I just want to cry. I feel the tears well and burn in my eyes, the lump forms in my throat. I believe the only one who can make me feel better is no longer around and I hurt some more. Indulge me as I lament.

However, this is called “Bittersweet”, I have to bring something light, positive and uplifting to this and make a connection. Trust me this is a task, because I am wallowing. Living each day as though it were your last and you knew as much. My friends on the west coast reminded me of summer jazz concerts, I had to go back to the days of the ones held in San Diego, they of course were talking about the ones held annually at the Hollywood Bowl. There was talk of dancing in the aisles, great music, good food, and strangers sharing their “whatever”. That made me smile, I recalled the sharing.

In a big crowd of people, who don’t know one another, the common link makes them feel like, “I want to connect with whomever I get in the area of”. Our human antennae go up and we are sensitive to what is around us; there is so much around us that we don’t know where to start our search, it makes us want to dance and sing and connect. Then there is the intimate setting of your home watching her favorite Disney cartoon; her favorite song plays and she beckons, no she insists you get up and dance with her, without a second thought you do what she wants, because she gets you, you are as elated as she is, you are connected .

We have all traveled down these roads before and undoubtedly will make more  trips before our life on this planet is over. I have long since gotten beyond being angry at God for taking precious wonderful beings away from me, now I have to work on being able to cope with the lonely aching that is certain to follow. The void for these dear ones, that only they themselves can fill.  One solution may come in the form of being sure to go ahead and immerse yourself in loved ones and happy moments, in order to have something to draw from later.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , | Leave a comment
11 Jun 2013
1 Comment

Love Always

This is about the one you left behind. Sit back and enjoy the ride, join me on a trip down memory lane.

His was a smile that was literally sunlight, I feel myself blushing as I recall the first time we kissed. I feel so silly because I still talk to this guy, we are friends; bound by the romanticized experiences of our youth and the knowledge that had we really gotten together I probably would not have a smile plastered on my face as I talked or wrote about us.

Now you positively will not get the details, this is a fill-in-the-blanks type deal left for you to DIY about yourself and your individual situation. I am only serving as a tour guide, suggesting points of interest to visit. He, however, set the standard for any and every man who followed. That is until I finally got him out of my system. It took years.

I know of  a few couples who have been married for decades now, I know a few couples who are happy, but I venture to say among them  all, I may know two who actually fall into both categories. One must applaud the effort it takes to maintain a marriage. Maybe they, like so many of us, still have a warm spot in their hearts for the one who “got away”. Maybe they, again like so many of us, thank their lucky stars that this very same special person did just that,”GOT AWAY”. Whatever the case may be, here is yet another memory to pack away in your mind for safe keeping.

When you do pull “it” out, when you look back, when you recall this source of joy and pain give yourself a break; the imagined expectation of a happy, love filled relationship was just not meant to be. As you think of the romance, think of what ended it, and realize life generally moves in the direction it is suppose to, whether we like it or not. If you’re lucky, like I am, you have a friend you can “love always”.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , ,
05 Jun 2013
4 Comments

It All Began With A Lie

Let’s talk about “skeletons in the closet”. It’s origins in 19th Century England, the phrase has been tied to of course the shame/secrets of an individual or family that would be disastrous if discovered. Also from a more literal sense actual discovery of a body in a wall or  other uncommon place.

Here I am on an early Sunday morning talking about something that has made people cower in corners or at the very least expect their entire lives will be ruined, FOREVER. Premarital sex, okay I will say it simply because it is true I had it. There now what? I will not detail whether it was a source of pain or pleasure, whether it ruined or made my life, nor will I commit to “If I had it to do all over again…” how would I finish the statement. I am off and running.

I knew there were laws on the books about premarital sex, they reside under decency and morality umbrellas. After a brief thumb-through I found there were some 18 states that went so far as to tell you what position you could have sex in, oral sex was forbidden in several carrying a sentence of up to 20 years in Georgia, and even one state(Nevada, but no wonder) telling individuals they must use a condom.  Oklahoma does win the “kewpie doll” as being the state which actually does forbid premarital sex. Yes I am going to make light of this because if it is left up to the state or anyone besides an individual and their consenting adult partner/spouse what position is/is not permissible, I think most would agree they would have not to make it illegal, folks would just throw in the towel and say “forget it”.  However, one might even find the offenders to be so prevalent the prisons would become a popular, and in some instances a desired spot. Okay I said I was making light of this so “lighten up”!

Now we have to touch on the religious aspect. Sodom and Gomorrah come to mind first, then we have the beloved King David. Those of you even slightly familiar with the Bible, know why these three were chosen as a reference point. Therefore it is safe to say people have sex; they have been having it for a very long time, they lie about it, but the truth eventually comes out. Finally the set–up is complete the skeleton, the law, and the Bible.

Pregnant, unmarried, under 21, and this is circa 1959 to 1964; if he’s a decent guy he will marry you whether or not it was his plan, but he just happens to NOT be.Now comes the reveal; it was a fling, you two were having fun, he’s married(or so he tells you) with children, and does not want more. The bottom line is, young lady, you are on your own. Your options are limited and relatively dangerous during this era.

The baby comes and you are bitter; your life is a struggle because you got caught when others doing the same thing did not. What you have done is a sin. Who will marry you now? You must put aside the thoughts of “YOU” and deal with the baby. At a time when there should be celebration of a new life there is an impending feeling of shame, despair, and doom.

Meantime, he goes on relatively unscathed. His children grow up with a father in the household, their mother his wife has the respect of her family and community. He got a pass, like so many others before him, like so many who will come after him. Sometimes he wonders about the young woman he was involved with, the one who was “tainted” because of him. However, he must cast those thoughts aside rapidly for HIS life could become undone should any of that experience come to light.

Yet there is a person left behind; a person who will one day wonder “why am I the only one who doesn’t have a father at the PTA meeting”, or a person who wonders “why are my eyes green and my hair curly when my brothers and sisters are straight-haired with brown eyes”. People wonder who they are, where they came from; it is this curious drive, the need to connect, that will lead them to and down a road of discovery, which may or may not end pleasantly for the parties involved.

In essence to say the man, the young woman, the predicament is one as old as the age of time is a gross understatement. Therefore, you either know of or have someone in your family who has a similar story in your past, present, or future. Judgmental people keep this story going; yes the cast changes, the circumstances alter a bit, but all-in-all the story is the same. One day there is a knock on the front door, a letter comes in the mail, or there is a phone call.  A closet door opens and here it comes, the skeleton, crashing down onto the floor scattering into hundreds of pieces. The lie is catching up. Be careful of the little seeds you plant in the dark, they grow, and appear in the light of day.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , ,
31 May 2013

Deep Dark Chocolate

It shouldn’t be any other way. I grew up loving chocolate. Hershey invaded my life very early. When there was Russell Stover’s candy in the house it was the assorted chocolate box; at that time in my life all I knew about dark chocolate was it was the last candy I would eat, and that was through sheer desperation. The one exception,  which by the way still remains in tact, was OREOS. I cannot say enough about those cookies, so I will only say you love um or you’re not all there.

Time moves on, you grow and you tastes change, but my love of  milk chocolate remained pure. Pure, really, milk chocolate is cocoa in one of  it’s most processed form. I  do have to give honorable mention to the so-called white chocolate and it’s rich texture, even though the extreme sweetness over takes any substantial flavor. Now as our waistlines increase and blood pressure rises, we all know that dark chocolate has a hosts of positive affects. Yet it is difficult to equate good to you and good for you when we think of this decadence. We ladies for the most part crave this, our chocolate love or love of chocolate.

A few nights ago it hit me, I was in the mood for something sweet, I didn’t know what so I figured “go down the cookie aisle and you will find some chocolate love”. I fought and resisted the urge to go on and pick up the familiar blue package with the picture of the most beautiful cookie on the planet. There are no secrets or surprises there, no challenge, plus if all else failed I knew where I could get satisfaction.

Instead I reached for the milk chocolate creme filled Milano, for reasons unknown. I had them once before and felt they could take care of this wanton desire. I couldn’t wait until I got out of the store before I had ripped open the package and quickly bit into one. There it was nothingness and disappointment all in one blow. The cookie tasted “brown” not chocolate. It was sweet but clearly not enough cocoa was put into this recipe. I struggled through another bite but had to resign myself to”this was a mistake”. The only thing to do was to run back into the store and indulge myself.

However, I resisted and moved on but was this a success? I must ask because here we are 7 days later, and there is the need to talk about how unfulfilled I felt after that encounter. Delving deeper and deeper into the “chocolatety” question, I ask what is this truly about. How would I rank my chocolate love; experience(what I prefer), expectation(what I think I prefer) or pattern(what I have in actuality preferred) the answers would all be different. Although if you read me(literally), that revelation should not surprise you in the least.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , | Leave a comment
11 May 2013
1 Comment

Mother, Not For Just A Day

We search aimlessly at times to connect ourselves to something that will give meaning in our fast paced, ever-changing, ever challenging lives. However, it is not things that we need to connect to, but people.

We must battle with not becoming caught-up in marketing madness on all levels. They are very crafty with their campaigns too, they go for the jugular. In this case the second Sunday in May, they grab for the heart-strings. Mothers; who could begrudge a way to pay homage to the sweetest, most enamored lady most every one of us will ever know? She is a godsend. Well you don’t have to begrudge, but if you don’t do something you will feel negligent.

Let me tell you a little something about a mother, there is nothing so great or so small that comes from her child(ren), of whom she loves more than life, that she would not appreciate. However, if you don’t know it the fact that you ARE is enough for her. She has no expectations only hopes; she is the first to come to your aid and the last to abandon you even when she knows you are wrong. She knows and understands you better than you do yourself, for to her you are the better parts of her. Her love began before she laid eyes on you, and it continues until her eyes close forever, as we know it.

Jewelry or chocolates, dinner or a cruise, flowers or a card, whatever your plan is for Mother’s Day, let it be known that it is simply a day that happens once a year; but your love, respect, and appreciation for her is ongoing, the same way her everlasting love is for you.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged ,
07 May 2013
1 Comment

A Boat Load Of Regrets

I short “No Regrets” was the comment I got from one of my readers. I loved the entire comment though. It is nice when people read you and have something  to say. This reader is a friend and on more than one occasion has inspired a piece or two. As a special note there are a number of my friends and family who get me to thinking, thus a blog appears. However, don’t look for yourself in my writing I value you far too much to put YOU specifically out here on the information highway without consulting or even warning you first. Remember the catch word here is INSPIRE.  Also “Boat” was not the word I wanted to use in the title  either.

Keeping the tempo of this “up” and holding the attention of my readers is very important. I do not want to become predictable, for I know you will loose interest rapidly. Yet in being real, I am NOT “Polly Sunshine”. I try not to be a fatalist and if I had to characterize myself I would say I’m a realist. I had a rough week and it took its toll on my weekend, my precious-longed for weekend. The collection of disasters had me looking back, trying to make sense of it all, I found myself lost in the sea of disdain with you-know-what, and I was sinking fast.

We are not alone is these human feelings and emotions. We are all simply trying to explain ourselves to a better place. Words you would have said, turns you should have taken roads you should have traveled. Lest we forget how much time we would like to retrieve. Boat Load of Regrets, No Regrets the only thing that actually has a marked change is your perspective.

In closing I got quite a surprising laugh as the events of the week and weekend were recounted. In a relaxed moment with yet another disaster averted, it was quipped as follows; “Yeah I thought things couldn’t get any worse and then the roof fell in”. Well that actually happened; we lived to tell about it, fixed it, and yes somehow managed to get a chuckle out of it all.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged ,
03 May 2013
2 Comments

Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

Tell me lies… can you hear Stevie Nicks’ voice? I remember that Fleetwood Mac Album and I say remember like I don’t have it, although I do. I haven’t played it in years and why should. I basically I can go to youtube, pull the song I want to hear up, and move on. If it strikes a chord in my soul I will go and play it on the stereo.

Music transports us to the places we have been and the places we want to be. Time is meaningless and virtually stands still. Our fabulous musicians say what we want to say and give our words such a beautiful melodic translation; in spite of the fact the words we are hearing belong to them, at the time. It doesn’t take away from the fact that we are feeling those same words.

Alright, how about a little bit on “pillow talk” and how the sweet little lies get tangled up in these conversations. I spoke to an “authority” and he shared his wonderful insight. He says he is being kind. Naturally, I want further explanation. There you are somewhere between dawn and daylight something makes you aware of the other soul close enough to touch and perhaps you are actually touching.  Your eyes meet, you cannot look away or roll over, you may want to but that just wouldn’t be right. A smile may be enough but that mouth of yours takes over… How many times has “I love you” or “You are so beautiful” slipped through because of the awkward moment. Then once you’ve said it no matter how you want to escape you know you have dug yourself a deeper grave.

Sometimes the silence is deafening and therefore in these instances it may seem that there is call for the lies. Resist, smile, and rub  your companions shoulders instead.  If you do you may face the same dilemma later, and perhaps you will then be better equipped.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , ,

Post Navigation

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →