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Archive for the tag “wisdom”

26 Aug 2013
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Fear

Frozen and unable to move. Have you ever felt like this? What do you think of when you think of fear. I  am not taking about shaking in your boots type, Dracula jumping at you from the big screen fear. This is the subtle one. The one you don’t know or admit to having. It is very dangerous because it will crop up at the most inopportune times.

I loved the water, loved the beach, but I never learned how to swim. Southern California girl who rode to the beach on her bike with her best friend weekly, could NOT swim a stroke.

We took swimming in high school gym class, it was mandatory. Along with the concerns a black girl has for her hair(although mine didn’t look that great back then anyway), I hated the class in general. I did not like changing in the open locker room and I did not like sports. Thus that was partially why I was not in shape. I was overweight and you had to wear these school issue suits; the thin fit girls had sleek-black-recently- purchase-almost cute- one pieced suits, while we fat girls(and at that time there were not many) had these turquoise-burlap-elastic stressed/stretched-out dinosaurs-with semi-skirted bottoms, also one-pieced. Imagining ugly, is only scratching the surface. So if you did not know you were “fat” the color coding was there. After a semester of training I did manage to pass the class with the help of this tiny little blonde named Meliss (not Melissa either). I was a freshman and had no idea who Meliss was and found myself shocked to discover she was a student aid. Good thing you are virtually weightless in water, otherwise I would have been ranked far outside of Meliss’ weight-class.  I was not comfortable in the water, so years later and after I had children, I enrolled in a class at the local college I attended.  It was a six week course, I got through two the first time in tried taking the class and three weeks on the second effort.

My oldest son was taking swimming lessons at  age six, I did not want him to suffer my fate of being a non swimmer, he did great.   One day as we waited for class to conclude his brother(less than two at the time)  broke free from me, ran straight for and jumped fearlessly into the pool. He, of course, was fine he was actually dog paddling like a pro and laughing with complete joy. The fact that he was surrounded by so many staffers ready and able to “save ” him, well a non-swimmer mother could not ask for a better spot to be put “on the spot”. It was there, at that moment I realized I was afraid of the water.  Years of  proclaiming love for  the beach , the ocean, pools, water… ; I was petrified when my child jumped into that perfectly blue, perfectly ph-balanced, perfectly supervised pool, because I WAS AFRAID OF WATER… how could I save him. That was sobering, but it allowed me to face a fact. Even though I tried to accomplish the feat of swimming, unaware of my actual  state of mind, I could not because something inside of me was holding me back. I still cannot swim, but I now know it is fear that stops me.

That subtle-quiet-just-below-the-surface fear. The type that kept you from going away to college, because you didn’t want to leave the familiar surroundings of home. The type that won’t allow you on the dance floor, because you worry that people will pay such close attention to the fact you don’t have rhythm. The type that makes you hesitate when you are offered an opportunity to do something that you say you love and feel you are good at, but are terrified you will fail so you do nothing. What you do instead is give up the water, you miss your chance at the experience of being educated both formally and socially, you bypass a chance at just having some fun at the party, or you let go of a dream.

Don’t let it happen; the thing that you think you are afraid of, that which you imagine is far worse than it actually is, if you come face to face with it. Face your fear and move forward.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , ,
24 Aug 2013
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Coming To Terms And Finding Balance

Early mornings when it is dark and quiet, thoughts are free to float about in your mind. Many people will not have this experience for numerous reasons the most obvious being, they simply aren’t morning folk.  After 36 years of pre-dawn starts, it is my norm.

I was reading a nice story about reconnecting and it made me smile. The story was of a siblings finding one another after 30 years! Exciting right; but if you have lost touch with someone it will bring a bit of melancholy to you whether or not this separation was intentional.

Everything in our lives works or doesn’t because we are in a state that puts us at unrest. We search for a mate, we search for a job, we search for dinner; none of these are impossible to obtain, it is just we are confused about the combinations of what factors will give us satisfaction and ultimately end our search. We want to reach the “finish line”.

Anticipation or exhaustion, you have gotten to your limit. Now that you have made this determination you must live with it, and that may be easier said than done. Here is where finding balance comes in. I tag myself notorious for “thinking things through, and generally I am convinced of just that. However, I also have to note those well thought through, deliberate notions do not always have staying power.

They (deliberate notions) are well thought out for the short-term and disguised as long-term decisions. They say,” Absolutely, my decision, I can live with this”. Five, Thirteen, Twenty-Five years down the line when the only thing that has seemingly changed is you, are you still gonna say,” you can live with it” and remember why it was you made that statement in the first place.

What do you say? It sounds good, feels good, looks good to be representative of something that is beyond a top-surface. Yet in reality, we all know it takes a little bit more of your entire being to really demonstrate ones actual heart. Doing things with conviction versus having an ulterior motive may be the best gauge you have available to you, so govern yourself accordingly. Don’t do things for reaction or results in this/these instance(s), sometimes it may not be what you expect or want. The balance will come if you are truly putting something of real value into what you hope to convey.  Remember, “You get what you give.”

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , ,
21 Aug 2013

Howlin At The Moon

My Libra sisters and I are on so many of the same wave lengths it is utterly amazing at times. There are people who discount astrology and I understand. However at our age it kinda gives you that “back to childhood fairy-story type of feel with a steroid shot of real world infused”. Artistic, musically inclined, masters of the written and spoken word; needless to say the hopeless but NOT hapless romantic spirit prevails in each of us.

Last night as I left my favorite grocery store in Georgia, I could not help but admire the large wonderful moon. I used my camera in my phone, but my hands were not as steady as they should be with this article, as I carted a couple of bags hurriedly to my car. Parking lot lights ablaze, I did not get close to the splendor of this beautiful showing.  I started to try again but I had an impediment, so I could not attempt  more photos. There will be other times, other moon showings like this one. Some night the midst of autumn when the cool crispness is in the air again, the heavenly bodies seemingly close enough to touch, but being earthbound all you can do is admire them from afar. I comforted myself with that thought. However, this morning I awoke to find on my facebook page front and center two shots of the moon eight hours earlier and on the opposite coast. IRONY, I thought as I smiled at the two lovely clear shots. I said,” I wonder what she was thinking as she gazed at the moon and felt so compelled to photograph it.” I have to say in reality and did not wonder; I could read her mind loud and clear, obviously she was reading mine. Thanks Tammy!

Posted in One For My Friends, Quickbits and tagged , | Leave a comment
22 Jul 2013
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And The Guilt Rests Where?

It comes across my mind many times, on many occasions and in conjunction with certain events, how much we are products of our environments. This not necessarily a bad thing, but truth is we do have to work hard to resist the bad behavior we are often time exposed to.

Being a product of your environment sometimes affords you certain perks that you overlook and never think about, for when it is good we bask in the moment. Yet on the flip side; when denied something you want or feel deserving of and you cannot get, what does one do.

I came face to face with my bad several years ago and I live with it. I was very sad and disappointed to find yet another negative, most recently. Don’t misunderstand here pointing out these two particular instances is not to suggest this is representative of all my faults and shortcomings, this is an illustration and a cross section.

I sat in front of my laptop typing and I didn’t like what I saw. I never would have guessed this and had I not been in the midst of this wrongdoing I myself detest, I probably would have noticed. I didn’t see or pay attention to the signs. Distracted by circumstances I allowed myself to slip into survival mode and that also became my silent excuse for my behavior.

As human beings this is a part of what we do, we adjust and we adapt, it makes it possible for us to continue and thrive. However, sometimes the toll we pay for this survival is costly and I am not just speaking of monetarily. Starting this piece I touched on the benefits we received as being part of a certain environment, now we are exploring the consequence. That is why I used the word “guilt” in opposed to “responsibility” in the title.

My suggestion to solve this is, if you see after a considerable effort that things around you are not changing, you make a change and distance yourself from that undesirable situation. As an adult you cannot help where you come from, but you can chose to extract yourself once you discover you are not happy with the surroundings. If you don’t you will look up and a mirror will be reflecting your image, as that thing you were so unhappy and intolerant of.Then you will know where the guilt rests.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , ,
12 Jul 2013

Can I Get A Witness

There you are sitting in a parking lot, BAAM!! You look around and you see two people arguing and it is clear to you there has been an accident/collision of some sort. You proceed to go into the sandwich shop next door.

Later at the department store  you walk by a display where the mannequin is postured in a fashion that makes it virtually impossible to pass without hitting it. You hit it and catch the model before it falls. Moments after you pass you hear a scream and the sound of metal and glass shattering. You see a display fall and run toward the commotion, there is a young woman on the floor rubbing her head. You go to her, asks is she okay and offer any help you can provide. A member of the store’s staff comes and you leave. You have done your part here.

How many times have you observed a situation or an incident that made you look twice but did not move you to act or get involved? I realize this is asking a great deal of most of us. We stand  a chance of being told off or to mind our own business, we may do the wrong thing and be in trouble for trying to help. What do we do, we go about OUR business and don’t get involved. Do you ever ask yourself,”Why?”

Let’s explore something else here, the insurance aspect.  There are times when responsibility is questioned what gives the edge is someone who has no vested interest. This outside disinterested party can easily mean the difference of a repaired vehicle minus out-of-pocket costs versus none. After all after being involved in a wreck is enough of a trauma, couple that with having to pay for something that was not your fault merely adds insult to injury.

Very recently a couple of things happened and as a result of these incidents, I know am going to pay closer attention to things and be an active participant whenever the opportunity presents itself to me. Now you must exercise caution involving accidents and injuries, but the one thing you can almost always do is give an eyewitness account, if you are one. Always bear in mind one day the shoe could be on the other foot; you may need some stranger, some independent witness to come forward and say,” I saw what happened and here’s my information.”

Posted in As Consumers and tagged , , | Leave a comment
03 Jul 2013

A Truly Beautiful Soul

It doesn’t happen often, but when it does no matter how subtle, you know it. You encounter a person who has” light” emanating from them.

Today I attended the memorial of one of those oh-so- rare souls. I have wanted to write something about her but avoided doing anything until I thought I was ready.

Something is missing in my life, but it is still deep within my heart. The love of my friend. I know the love is not gone it just isn’t in the easy access form I have grown familiar with. I would not be honest if I said I am okay with this, but I also recognize the fact I have no control here. I sat in the pew today, thinking what a wonderful lady and friend I had in Kay. I watched and listened to her two brave children tell stories, read poems, and give tribute to their darling mother. The tears streamed down my face, I could not stop. The odd thing was usually when I cry like this, there is a lump in my throat and an indescribable pain. This was not the case today. I was able to sit and listen and feel; I knew my friend was okay, and I knew the hurt I felt was simply stemmed from my missing her.

I was a part of a celebration of a life and the dedication of a truly beautiful soul. The words flowed in a manner that you could feel everyone’s, who was in your presence, affirmation that what was said was true.  We all knew her bright cheerful smile and positive outlook. There wasn’t enough time to cover all the things she meant to all those she touched, so instead we had a few moments to sit and reflect quietly. For what is life but a collection of moments. I can say I was touched by an individual who looked at life with fresh and renewed hope each day. Years on this Earth and interactions with people did not make her lose faith in the good that existed, now matter how deeply it may have been buried in some.

God gives us individuals like my friend to remind us that there is a rainbow out there, and just because you cannot see it does not make it any less real. I am a better person because I knew Kathryn L.”Kay” Short and I will forever remember her with a smile.

Posted in Ecumenically Speaking and tagged , , | Leave a comment
18 Jun 2013

Bittersweet

This is about trying to understand what life has in store for you and where you stand. I want you to live forever; as long as you can live the way I know makes you, you. If you knew tomorrow was your last day on Earth what would you differently? Moreover, what would you do?

I watched as yet another display of anger came spewing out. I am so close it is hard to remain silent and indifferent, but you know what you know. When you are in a no win situation do you really get any comfort in,”Well at least I said what was on my mind”? Anger possesses characteristics of a disease; it eats away at you, it builds on weakness, and finally if it is allowed to go untreated it destroys.

I thought about my own hurt and anger. I have been challenged this June. I try to stay positive, but there are moments that no matter what I tell myself I just want to cry. I feel the tears well and burn in my eyes, the lump forms in my throat. I believe the only one who can make me feel better is no longer around and I hurt some more. Indulge me as I lament.

However, this is called “Bittersweet”, I have to bring something light, positive and uplifting to this and make a connection. Trust me this is a task, because I am wallowing. Living each day as though it were your last and you knew as much. My friends on the west coast reminded me of summer jazz concerts, I had to go back to the days of the ones held in San Diego, they of course were talking about the ones held annually at the Hollywood Bowl. There was talk of dancing in the aisles, great music, good food, and strangers sharing their “whatever”. That made me smile, I recalled the sharing.

In a big crowd of people, who don’t know one another, the common link makes them feel like, “I want to connect with whomever I get in the area of”. Our human antennae go up and we are sensitive to what is around us; there is so much around us that we don’t know where to start our search, it makes us want to dance and sing and connect. Then there is the intimate setting of your home watching her favorite Disney cartoon; her favorite song plays and she beckons, no she insists you get up and dance with her, without a second thought you do what she wants, because she gets you, you are as elated as she is, you are connected .

We have all traveled down these roads before and undoubtedly will make more  trips before our life on this planet is over. I have long since gotten beyond being angry at God for taking precious wonderful beings away from me, now I have to work on being able to cope with the lonely aching that is certain to follow. The void for these dear ones, that only they themselves can fill.  One solution may come in the form of being sure to go ahead and immerse yourself in loved ones and happy moments, in order to have something to draw from later.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , | Leave a comment
16 Jun 2013
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June Gloom

Southern Californians know this term ever so well. It is a reference to the cloudy gray mornings we experience during the early summer month. This particular June as I sit in my Georgia home I am experiencing the gloom for another reason. I am suffering from a case of change with complications arising from loss.

I often have spoken of change and how we have to embrace it for there is no progress with out it and so-on. I am telling you that I am resisting the changes I have experienced lately with unrelenting determination. I want so much to retreat to that which is familiar, I need my safe haven, and I want to return to that which I know.

Earlier in the week I was told of the passing of a long time friend of my family. A lady who I have know for some 20 plus years. I went to school with her children, watched her grandchildren become adults and parents themselves. She is a part of my history, those of us who grew up on 107th Street have a connection the equivalent of a bloodline. She was a neighbor, she was a friend, she was family and she IS loved.

Not 24 hours earlier I was calling to check on my dear friend, who I haven’t known as many years, but in emotional ties the bond is unquestionable, only to be told she had suffered a fall which hospitalized her and the prognosis is NOT what I would want it to be. Her children a source of pure joy, her seven grandsons jewels in her crown of pride, and of course her best friend/ companion/ love for 65 years; I do not have words to express what it feels like to be in the company of a life fulfilled, after knowing this lady for such a short time. I shared a little prayer I say when I am drawing on my faith with my dear friend’s precious daughter.  “Not my will oh Lord but Yours”.

Trying not to cry, I want to say something about these two ladies I love. I feel so fortunate and blessed to have had them in my life. I don’t question the Lord but I do wonder what did I do to gain such favor to have Him put these special people in my life. Unfortunately, I would be lying if I said I completely understand why He decided to take them from me when He did.  I know there are Christians who would tell me that I am toying with the “Wrath of Hell” saying such things but God is all knowing..  Therefore He is quite aware of my state.

God gives us balance, not everything is one way, although at times we cannot see beyond our circumstances. My younger brother reached his milestone half century mark, thankfully he joined the ranks of us that talk in decades instead of years, and laugh about it. Father’s Day is  less than an hour and a half away on the east coast; a day when we pay homage to the men in our lives that have inspired and supported us like no other. All this midst “June Gloom”.

All of these things are/have been made possible because of God. Tonight when I say my prayers I will thank Him for all he has done for me, blessings He has bestowed, people He has put in my path, and I shall ask Him for strength to endure the things that present themselves to me that I think I would much rather not encounter. Tonight I will ask Him to care for these two beautiful ladies and their loving families in ways only He can. Through all of this I know I will be okay with time, but I know one day someone will be praying for me because it may NOT seem as though I will in fact be alright on that particular occasion.

In closing,”Trust in the Lord”.

Posted in Ecumenically Speaking and tagged , , , ,
11 Jun 2013
1 Comment

Love Always

This is about the one you left behind. Sit back and enjoy the ride, join me on a trip down memory lane.

His was a smile that was literally sunlight, I feel myself blushing as I recall the first time we kissed. I feel so silly because I still talk to this guy, we are friends; bound by the romanticized experiences of our youth and the knowledge that had we really gotten together I probably would not have a smile plastered on my face as I talked or wrote about us.

Now you positively will not get the details, this is a fill-in-the-blanks type deal left for you to DIY about yourself and your individual situation. I am only serving as a tour guide, suggesting points of interest to visit. He, however, set the standard for any and every man who followed. That is until I finally got him out of my system. It took years.

I know of  a few couples who have been married for decades now, I know a few couples who are happy, but I venture to say among them  all, I may know two who actually fall into both categories. One must applaud the effort it takes to maintain a marriage. Maybe they, like so many of us, still have a warm spot in their hearts for the one who “got away”. Maybe they, again like so many of us, thank their lucky stars that this very same special person did just that,”GOT AWAY”. Whatever the case may be, here is yet another memory to pack away in your mind for safe keeping.

When you do pull “it” out, when you look back, when you recall this source of joy and pain give yourself a break; the imagined expectation of a happy, love filled relationship was just not meant to be. As you think of the romance, think of what ended it, and realize life generally moves in the direction it is suppose to, whether we like it or not. If you’re lucky, like I am, you have a friend you can “love always”.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , ,
11 Jun 2013

All Us In Wander Land

There is tremendous stock placed in having a plan. Plan for  your future, plan for your business, plan for life. To succeed you must have a systematic map set in place. However, it doesn’t always go like that. We do not control all the other elements that may or may not affect our plans. What happens then when something gets in your way and alters the course of action/plan you derived? Better yet what happens when you don’t even have a plan.

Wandering aimlessly through life, you just may bump into something that will carry you  through to a meaningful existence. I do not by any means suggest this method, this is merely an observation. I can think of a time  or times when I really had no idea what to do next. What did I do? I improvised. Our society seems ill-equipped to handle surprises or to seek an alternate solution, because we are so busy looking for the easy way out. The fastest, simplest, least challenging way to obtain anything, that’s what we want. Oh but now it needs to be quality. Yes I am over simplifying this however, there are some truths hidden in this wit.

What to do when faced with a dilemma that you have no way to conquer. You do not have the knowledge you, do not have the resources. What you have is the awareness that you cannot see your way clear. You also may be painfully aware that you are tired of the battle. Children wish their problems away, adults face their problems; they have no choice, but oh how they wish for the child’s solution/escape clause. Draw upon that which you KNOW you have and see what you come up with, then maybe you will have some good solid advice to share with someone else wondering about, searching for a solution or purpose. Trust me on this, the answer is there you just have to discover it. Therefore, I’ll let you know how I make out.

Posted in Quickbits and tagged , | Leave a comment

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