Southern Californians know this term ever so well. It is a reference to the cloudy gray mornings we experience during the early summer month. This particular June as I sit in my Georgia home I am experiencing the gloom for another reason. I am suffering from a case of change with complications arising from loss.
I often have spoken of change and how we have to embrace it for there is no progress with out it and so-on. I am telling you that I am resisting the changes I have experienced lately with unrelenting determination. I want so much to retreat to that which is familiar, I need my safe haven, and I want to return to that which I know.
Earlier in the week I was told of the passing of a long time friend of my family. A lady who I have know for some 20 plus years. I went to school with her children, watched her grandchildren become adults and parents themselves. She is a part of my history, those of us who grew up on 107th Street have a connection the equivalent of a bloodline. She was a neighbor, she was a friend, she was family and she IS loved.
Not 24 hours earlier I was calling to check on my dear friend, who I haven’t known as many years, but in emotional ties the bond is unquestionable, only to be told she had suffered a fall which hospitalized her and the prognosis is NOT what I would want it to be. Her children a source of pure joy, her seven grandsons jewels in her crown of pride, and of course her best friend/ companion/ love for 65 years; I do not have words to express what it feels like to be in the company of a life fulfilled, after knowing this lady for such a short time. I shared a little prayer I say when I am drawing on my faith with my dear friend’s precious daughter. “Not my will oh Lord but Yours”.
Trying not to cry, I want to say something about these two ladies I love. I feel so fortunate and blessed to have had them in my life. I don’t question the Lord but I do wonder what did I do to gain such favor to have Him put these special people in my life. Unfortunately, I would be lying if I said I completely understand why He decided to take them from me when He did. I know there are Christians who would tell me that I am toying with the “Wrath of Hell” saying such things but God is all knowing.. Therefore He is quite aware of my state.
God gives us balance, not everything is one way, although at times we cannot see beyond our circumstances. My younger brother reached his milestone half century mark, thankfully he joined the ranks of us that talk in decades instead of years, and laugh about it. Father’s Day is less than an hour and a half away on the east coast; a day when we pay homage to the men in our lives that have inspired and supported us like no other. All this midst “June Gloom”.
All of these things are/have been made possible because of God. Tonight when I say my prayers I will thank Him for all he has done for me, blessings He has bestowed, people He has put in my path, and I shall ask Him for strength to endure the things that present themselves to me that I think I would much rather not encounter. Tonight I will ask Him to care for these two beautiful ladies and their loving families in ways only He can. Through all of this I know I will be okay with time, but I know one day someone will be praying for me because it may NOT seem as though I will in fact be alright on that particular occasion.
In closing,”Trust in the Lord”.