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Silently Self-Absorbed

It rang in my ear. Words from a “friend” lost along the way. She said, “I liked who liked me.” I brushed it off because I did not agree. I looked at it from a superficial standpoint. This is an excuse for being with this type, or this race, or this whatever. I told myself she IS settling because she is running from the truth, her truth. I don’t have that problem, I KNOW who I am, I am NOT in denial. At least that is what I tell myself.

I started writing this blog over a decade ago. Lots of LIFE has happened in these past 13 plus years. I now find myself writing about the dilemma known as dating. I am NO EXPERT, but I do have a handle on what I have encountered. As a writer I want to cover other things my blog was started as an entertaining little observation, now it has taken on a life of its own and that life actually belongs to ME. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say it has taken on MY LIFE.

This is the age of the Narcissist. We all know one or two, if we examine ourselves in comparison to the definition, we may find that we ourselves fall into the category. Why does this surprise us and why is this piece relevant?

Like the presentation of a dead bird or headless mouse a cat brings to its beloved owner or prospective owner, these suitors delivered an array of meaningless, inappropriate, silly trinkets. Their intentions unsuccessfully disguised in the simplest of fashion. I know this sounds bad but thus the title Silently Self–Absorbed. Of course, they never had any idea how much I disliked what they had given me. They were just moved into the area that prospects go to “die.” The deal is if YOU are the right kind of being, the material gifts could NEVER hold a candle to your character, and that IS what I/we humans ultimately seek.

Yet this environment I must venture into on a regular basis has me doing as the saying suggests ” When in Rome…” I dislike it, I find it distasteful, but I am still pulled into it. The idea of having an individual who does not possess qualities I say I want, need, must have is unconscionable. I had to admit that sounded like a narcissist. The presence of the word “I” was everywhere! I want this, I must have that, I will not tolerate…I, I, I,!

As many of us who are fortunate enough to have a community of”sisters” , I sent my daily greeting to mine. I thought of what I wanted to run passed them, the exploits of the day/night before. They KNOW me and my characteristics, most importantly my “Achilles heel”. It was as I thought of my weakness, I realized something that was mentioned to me regarding a certain behavior pattern I have developed and quite frankly thought was quite good. It was in the midst of my describing what I was doing and rationalizing it, my attention was drawn to the fact that” if the shoe was on the other foot” I would NOT tolerate such behavior… and try as I might to dance around this revelation, it was quite true. YIKES!

Without revealing details of these shortcomings that exist within ourselves we play to a different looking narcissist, but it still is a narcissist just the same. Self-absorbed with justification(s) still qualifies as self-absorbed. And finally just because you do not shout your intentions/ preferences/thought patterns from rooftops does NOT make them any less obvious. While focusing on I/me one might be overlooking that which stares one in the face, in ones very own reflection, with or without the aid of a mirror. Now who is the one with the issue of being self-absorbed.?