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Archive for the tag “wisdom”

16 Dec 2013
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Feeling Blessed To Be A Blessing

Do you ever feel like you are being pulled in too many directions? Have you dreaded answering the phone because you anticipated it would be the news of yet one more catastrophe or a request for help. I want to talk to you about two scenarios one is of a selfish miser-type, he is so miserable and alone he cannot even think straight, his advice is,” You cannot help everyone”.  He has money, but when you think about it he has little else. The other is a relatively broke working class woman. She gets by not making ends meet, but they sorta brush against each other periodically. Her thoughts range from, ” If I have it you don’t have to ask, or whatever I can do no matter how great or small, I am there”.  I think in both instances these individuals do not realize where their salvation rests.

I believe God speaks  directly to us through feelings rather than words. Many years ago He cleared my head and gave me a message of reassurance as I drove down the street with my sunroof open. I looked at a beautiful California sky, sun peeping through the trees, and my heart felt what words did not have to express. I knew what I needed to do, I felt this love which was cosmic; like the way you feel when you are in love and  it takes your breath away,that was the Lord saying ,”Yes this is what I want you to do and I am with you.

I do not generally write during the Christmas holiday, because I am so wrapped up in the season and beauty, I NEED to enjoy and feel every moment for it carries me through the year. I am this emotional creature possessed by a control freak. I was not having a particularly good day, the list of not necessarily good things was growing larger with each passing hour, I was trying to keep it together and my relative calm was being challenged. Then as the last bit of my composure was about to abandon me, this feeling came to me as I was driving once again; it threw me completely off balance as it held me up high. It was strength, comfort, warmth, and love all at once. I inhaled to take that feeling and I knew God was telling me I can do” this/these”task(s) whatever may be, for He was with me, and through Him all is possible.

Sometimes as we go through the motions and emotions of the day we over look what we accomplish, it seems  so small and simple. However, you must stop and realize even the smallest of things that happen are our opportunities to glimpse into the window of miracles and blessings. The gas money you gave someone got them to a job interview, which will change their life. The 3 hour marathon listening session, saved a marriage. Silently, sitting and holding someones hand. There is power and healing in our very touch, we just do not always recognize or realize it, but God gave us this gift. He means for us to touch and interact and affect one another. Yet like anything that you put aside or ignore, it will fade. Sometimes you need to go to that little corner,  pick your gift up, dust it off and use it. You will be amazed at how well it still works, and rediscover the Creator of that gift still is there to help you use it.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged ,
21 Nov 2013
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Choosing HAPPY

I am blessed to be connected to some very wise, sweet, and logical ladies. happyballOur connections allow us to provide one another with things we may be missing in ourselves at various times. Moments ago I was mulling over some of my “me” issues and “choosing happy” came to mind.

I can be a bit a passive masochist, if you will, and I didn’t realize it until “choosing happy” crossed my mind. I wonder if that is the control freak in me, residual affect speaking?

It is Sunday morning and church is on my mind. Paul talks of being contented no matter what your circumstances. I will say this is a challenging thing  to do, but if one can manage it… wow imagine the advantage one would possess. Paul sat in prison and kept his heart and mind on the Lord. Paul walked out of that prison, can you walk out of yours. Do you even realize you are in one? Are you blaming someone else for the time you are serving in there? Do you want to be free?

Well in order for you to do this the first thing you must do is decide this a place I do not want t be in. How many of us talk and complain of something being so terrible, and how we cannot endure. Yet that is precisely what we do. There is no effort made to change, just countless reference to how much one is dissatisfied.

On one occasion or another all of us have lost our keys; car keys, house keys, etc. the  most common thing to do once the initial search comes up empty is to retrace the steps and when that yields no results we often try the process again.  Irritation sets in, followed by confusion as you wander over the same steps again and again.

If anyone is around and ask what is wrong, aren’t you reluctant to tell them? You know what type of help they will offer don’t you? They will get in your way, they will look a/in the same places you just did, and then they will do it, they will ask the question that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up and all you have in you will be challenged  to keep from pouncing on them and beating them to a pulp. ” Where were you when you last had them?” ” NOOOOOO! Did you really just ask me that? See that is exactly why I didn’t want to say anything.”  Word to the wise; the next time a someone is in one of those aimless search modes, I suggest you back silently out of the room. They call for your help, and trust me that will only happen when they are in desperation mode.

EUREKA! when you do find them, generally in plain sight, you wonder how you could have passed over them so many times without seeing them. I submit to you; this is what happens in your quest for happy you have to realize that you have what you need to possess this thing you are in search of, and perhaps in your search you discover (or have someone else point out) you have had it in your possession all along.  Just stop take a rest, take a listen to the calm quiet voice, and magically you will find your keys.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged
12 Nov 2013

Uh… Discussion About Race

Well here we go.. AGAIN. I stood uneasy and in disbelief! Just when I think he cannot be more insensitive and  tactless he proves me wrong. I was livid and sweating bullets at the same time. I mean this guy is a friend and a valued customer. How can I recoup this obvious flub. My mind raced. The more time that passed, the farther from an answer my mind wandered. At last on a seemingly good note we all parted.

On the way home making general conversation ,I could NOT wait for an opportunity to tell my spouse how terrible I thought he was. I had the adjectives and nouns lined up. I was prepared to be as condescending as possible, for he needed to know, just because you feel and think one way it doesn’t give you the right to just go off on these tangents with people you claim to like…

I began with a simple question to bait the trap. “Did you realize that you were talking to someone white when you said that”, I asked. He replied, “yes..” Well with both barrel blazing I prepared to attack, but he through me for a loop and I had to re-group and re-consider. He continued, ” Why do you think it is that we in this country time and time again, talk about having an open forum about race yet it never seems to take place?” Whoa, whoa wait a minute.. he was actually making sense and in a fashion I was ill prepared and possibly ill-equipped to answer…

I am driving home, after a weekend of football controversy about bullying and misuse of words and charges of racism, and here I am being confronted with my own possible missed opportunities to address subject matter that arises again and again. I thought he was being mean when in fact he was doing what we on one occasion or another like to say we believe we need, to have a discussion about race.

Well it’s not the time or place.. question when is it? Things can get heavy and deep when you examine them “head on”. I was so concerned about what my/our Caucasian friend would think about the brash comments my spouse made. I didn’t bother to give either of them credit of being the types of people that, one hopes, open forums create and foster. It did not occur to me that perhaps they were already in the place I say I dream will come to be one day, before I move beyond this Earth. I did not consider that maybe THEY had truly evolved. I was too busy being uncomfortable and judgmental of them both.

When is the right or proper time to have this discussion? Dare we be so exact? In a classroom sounds good, a place where ideas are meant to be exchanged. At work, certainly not unless some problem has arisen. In church, that again is a safe place because no one would  be confrontational in the house of the Lord. What about at home and not your home? That is something to ponder. You see all the examples I gave were easily identified as basically safe or non-safe.  However, out of these antiseptic, tagged areas one doesn’t know what might occur and that makes one reluctant to broach such  a subject in that type of environment. Not in your house out of your comfort zone,  anything can happen. Would YOU take that chance?

The biggest problem I see with a discussion of race, is the subject matter is uncomfortable and volatile.  You want to be expressive and honest, but at what risk. Can you be truly open with people you care about, work with, attend classes and church with..? The truth is most of us walk around and ignore race until it affects us directly and depending who you are, the frequency of those direct affects varies.

When racial tension hits the headlines, there are naturally more rumblings about the problems, solutions, and yes the existence of racial issues. Case in point Richie Incognito, Jonathan Martin, the Miami Dolphins, and the NFL. There are rumblings of bullying, hazing, and most prevalent racism. I, being a football fan, have an image in my mind of a football player. I cringe when I see rules changing in the game, even knowing it is to protect the players. It is a rough and tumble game, and you have to be resilient and tough. Yet we are talking hits here, when one goes on the field he has his body armor, but what about the psychological armor. The helmet protects your head, but what do you have inside of yourself to protect your “head”? What about sportsmanship, team camaraderie, and here’s a little blast from the past word for you  R-E-S-P-E-C-T! (I will cover this particular incident  more detailed on a different post, for now it merely serves as an example.)

The truth is we do not know how to communicate with one another in most instances, so what would happen if we start a discussion about something that makes most of us uneasy. There would likely be arguments, harsh and hurtful words, perhaps a fight would ensue, but maybe something positive could result from this dialog. Never know unless you try, and remember it doesn’t necessarily need to be a planned event. However, you MUST make every effort to “keep-it-clean”.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , , | Leave a comment
11 Nov 2013

Someone You Used To Know

An old friend of mine got married the other day and it got me to thinking. Now let me elaborate some, the old friend was an ex-love and the other day was well about 35 + years ago. I have to say the marriage was a hurtful thing, because I wanted to be the one to marry him. I was fully engulfed in a major case of “puppy love” with the side effect of believing even a Pyrrhic Victory would be fulfilling. Years later I would discover I wasn’t right in my thinking, and as genuine as I thought my love was it passed. The marriage ended rather quickly. I married another and life went on. I still see and communicate with my “friend” and admittedly I smile about the way I felt about him and the closeness that meant so much to ME. I also get a bit of satisfaction out of knowing the universe manages to get things right. He and I were not suited for one another, and forcing that issue could have been a disaster. Instead we now can sit and talk and laugh, because we are friends with no undertone and no expectations.

Who is out there like this for you? The “ex” you thought you’d end up with, the “ex” you are relieved you didn’t end up with or the “ex” you kinda forgot about. Some how you run into a reminder, a photo or even them in the flesh.  If they cross your mind you wonder how you’ll feel, if they cross your path you wonder how/why you will react. If there is a rise, they clearly have NOT gotten to the place of which is the subject of this piece.

Perhaps your current situation is relate-able. Think about options in life in general; if given the choice of being demoted or being terminated, what would you do. First you have to take ego out of the equation, but in reality the equation is non-existent without ego.  I mean having a job but being embarrassed and disgraced by loosing your title, versus being embarrassed , disgraced, and broke. This is seemingly a “no-brainer”. Yet, I do understand and in my youth I may have chosen to appear tough and say, “Fire me, huh I quit!!!” Youth has the uncanny ability to make us overlook less important things, like common sense and acquisition of knowledge.

Then I fast forward to the real inspiration for this short piece. I looked at pictures of someone who we thought could have fit easily into our family, but it was not meant to be. I see a radiant smile on her face, loving family surrounding her, the dress, and I am truly happy for her.  She deserves “happy”. Remember the universe gets things right. Sometimes no matter how much WE think we know what should and should not be, human beings are “tried and true” mistake makers. As with my experience, life moves on and now there is another who may be the one to replace “the one who might have been”. Time will tell. She is vibrant, charming, smart, talented, and fun, her presence lets me see something in my child I haven’t been privy to before. If this is what the universe has in store, if she is the one… WONDERFUL! My only hope for my children always has been and will be is that they find “happy”, with the one who is equally “happy” with them. If not, there is always room for another in that spot simple labeled “someone I used to know”. .

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04 Oct 2013

Completely Wrong

Thinking about us, human beings, I am forever amazed. Tragic events unfold daily. Someone gets angry in traffic and an all out riot erupts. “Our” House of Representatives sit in Washington D.C with their genitals in their hands while the citizens of the United States of America suffer, trying to place the blame elsewhere. I say,” be responsible, do your job”, but wait it isn’t that easy when you realize that we all are nothing more than high functioning illiterates.

Yes, face it folks there is something wrong with each and everyone of us. In some cases something MAJOR! Press us and disaster is seconds away from happening. How did we get here? Well to my target audience(everybody) there was a time in my life that  some people who we see on the streets today, given the generic title of homeless were not running rampant in the streets. How many individuals have you personally encountered (directly or indirectly) that exhibit behavior that you as a layman would deem worthy of  controlled observation? Realizing that if you can only answer one, most of the population can say the same.

Homeless is an unfair and oversimplified term; it covers former veterans, unemployed, under-medicated, runaways, many individuals whose only common link is they do not have a residence. It angers me. When I was a little girl in Kansas I remember seeing a man who was at that time called a “hobo”, maybe some of you all from Southern Cal remember “Hobo Kelly”? Hobo was endearing,  he rode trains carried a handkerchief knapsack and smiled at you harmlessly. As time moved forward the hobo was no longer endearing as the fight for survival became more and more challenging, the hobo became frightening and dangerous. The term disappeared the individual did not, a simple name change came about and his identity was forever altered.

I think of how I observed children when my kids were young, and how I noticed our society placing individuals with special needs in schools/classrooms with individual who did not have those same challenges. On the one hand you say great, acceptance but on the other maybe there is neglect. Children can be cruel, they say what is on their minds, I wonder if adequate research was done before it was decided a child who is in a wheelchair is going to be okay with self and accepted by others, if you put him or her into an environment where they are going to stand out.  Then if it is okay for the child in the wheelchair what about the child who is not learning at the same rate. We try to sugar coat the world, but the truth is that child may very well be there, in that seemingly NORMAL environment, because of a lawsuit rather than benevolence. In our fight for NORMAL we may be creating something  dangerous.

What about Sue in the cubicle next to you.  Did you know she was in the throws of yet another divorce, number three, and she has been on xanax so long she takes them like vitamins? Oh course not she comes to work, she does her job, and doesn’t bother anyone, that is as long as she takes her meds. Joe who is a recovering alcoholic has lunch with Sam everyday, he knows Sam needs help because Joe has been there. However, Sam is in denial Sam is great at what he does and Sam is the boss. Does this sound familiar, could these people be people you work with?

The children, the co-workers, the homeless; we have become so insensitive to our fellow man because we are all wrapped up in problems of our own, and we don’t realize how messed up we all are because we have to function and go on. That’ my point. One of my favorite sayings, “nothing is completely wrong, even a stopped clock is right twice a day”. Oh how I found renewed hope when I read that, but now practically everything is digital so when a clock stops working the screen goes blank. I hope that is not what has happened to us in the “community of man”.  I know better, I know we are not at the point of completely wrong. After all, we are still making watches and clocks with dials.

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16 Sep 2013
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I Surrender…..All?

Arms raised in the air, a white flag being waved; you turn your very life over to the someone you don’t know, you face uncertainty and perceived bad results. After all surrender is an act that usually happens in the face of war, and warring people are generally enemies.

Surrender an act of submission and associated with, an individual who most likely means to do you harm. “I give up, I throw myself on the mercy of the court, do with me what you will.” You give power over you away, because you are tired, weary or see no way out.  Yet to the One who loves and cares for you, it is often a difficult task to do this very same thing. Why?

God wants our unconditional love and trust. Part of us want to comply but there is that other part that says, you cannot give up or give in. You are independent, you must be self-sustaining; then when trouble comes you call to God or you blame Him for not helping you like YOU think He should. What do we want? The answer is simple; WE WANT PERFECTION. However, the road to perfection is still one many of us are not willing to take. This is elementary; one road to the destination you desire, but you won’t travel that way/direction. Here’s a “spoiler” you aren’t gonna get there!

The wiser we are the more difficult it is for us to believe things WE cannot explain. As a child, I remember being taught Jesus is LOVE/God is LOVE. To a little one reciting this and really grasping a hold of what it means, isn’t nearly as important as the fact you are able to memorize the words. As you grow up in stature and experience, you learn of LOVE in an academic sense.  You LOVE your family, you LOVE your spouse or mate, you LOVE chocolate, you LOVE to draw.. is it all the same thing. No, of course not. We know LOVE is a strong feeling so we confuse what it means and give into it being an expression of intensity, ONLY. After it is all said and done LOVE is just a word or is it?

Sunday morning in class (my eldest son is teaching, unique experience a topic for later) we went back to the basics, the beginnings to Genesis “God created man in his own image.”  In God’s Own image so what does God look like? Is God short or tall, is He black or white or brown or multi-racial, is He so gorgeous you cannot take your eyes off Him, or is He just a plain looking fellow that you’d never even notice.  I know that was a question I had as a child. Then as I got older and I heard individual groups trying to justify why they He was depicted with certain characteristics,  it let me know my query was not one I alone had. Some of the fog lifted on my journey as our teacher simply stated the image of God is the image of LOVE. In so few words the clarity hit. With God LOVE becomes so much more than simply a word or feeling.

Being good is a simple enough concept, it is just a hard thing to practice. If we are not good then how can we have God’s LOVE and God’s approval. Well God is different from us, and His LOVE is not the same as ours.  We are capable of this kind of LOVE, though. We say unconditional and we may be able to pull that of for a period of time, but when the trouble comes we pull the LOVE back so we don’t get hurt. Maybe we never put the LOVE out there like we say. God does not pull the LOVE back and He does put it out there for us, all we have to do is give in, trust, allow Him to give us His LOVE. All we have to do is surrender.

Posted in Ecumenically Speaking and tagged , ,
16 Sep 2013

Asking For What You Want And Getting It

“Ahh no thanks, Ima pass” was what I thought as I began this. Now that may be surprising but it has been something I thought on for awhile, and do not be mistaken because the piece began with “Ahh no thanks, Ima pass”, does not mean that was always MY starting point.

Have you ever read a book or seen a movie that starts at the end and then takes you backwards? Well this is how I am doing this particular post. Think you know exactly what you want, need, desire? I bet most if us would answer affirmatively to this question; yet be careful this is trip down an old familiar road with some unfamiliar turns.

Oftentimes when I write I listen to music and “YouTube“ is my best friend in these endeavors, but one of my “sisters” started me on this by posting a video which featured a member of the both lovely and talented singing group Debarge.   James DeBarge to be exact. Now I am NOT being funny when I called them lovely, because in spite of the fact the majority of the group was male, they were some of the most beautiful young people you would want to lay eyes on and YES they could sing! When we saw them all we saw was beauty and heard the same. These amazing siblings rose like cream does to the top of milk. James married R&B royalty(Janet Jackson) in his youth. James was neither sounding or looking good in the video as he tried to employ the audience, of an obscure little club nestled in the Inland Empire on the outskirts of Los Angeles, to help him through one of the family hits. Nearly every member of the family has had a bout with drugs.

Before I knew it “Youtube” was helping to guide me down memories of my teen and young adult years and some of the residents who will forever inhabited that place. The series Unsung became my springboard; The Sylvers, Shalamar, Klymaxx, Angela Bofill, before I knew what was happening it was 3 A.M.

This wordy introduction was to drive home the point of the title. You may have noticed my ending the list of singers with an individual rather than a group. Angela’s story tells it all. She spoke of riding high, doing what she wanted, dismissing things that were very important; these are not unique qualities of a young, successful artist, it is also reflective of many regular folks as well. Angela said at one point in her career she was exhausted. She had battled with weight issues all of her life, but she did not smoke, drink, do drugs. She was a person who “juiced” incessantly. She stated all she wanted to do and wished for was to be able to slow down, in 2006 she suffered a stroke and another massive one in 2007. Not taunting or making light of this situation; I am a fan on Angela Bofill her story merely allowed me to reflect.

What are our travels here on Earth about, if we cannot share and assist others in their ventures. We exist in a state of envy; we strive for more and greed has become a part of our culture. You don’t talk of instant gratification, it is a way of life. We see the beautiful people with the beautiful THINGS and think, “Wow what a beautiful life. Why did he commit suicide?Why is she on drugs? Why can’t they have a successful relationship?” Surely if YOU were given “their” opportunity, success, life you’d do it another way. Consider this “they” probably had the very same thought at one time.

If you have a favorite food  as I do, you may be able to use it as your road to understanding, and if need be change. Think about that favorite food, think of having more than enough of it placed before you, think of how you love and desire it, think of the first taste and then diving face first into it without the care or concern of someone watching you. How long could you continue eating it; is your answer until I got full or until I got sick? Then ask yourself would you actually push it to either of those limits. Think about long term repercussions; sometimes when you have too much of something it ruins it for you, you may never want it again, but then how sad is that because  you will recall you used to feel quite a bit different about that same food. On the other hand if you don’t become sickened by this same dish and you continue to go on you will lose appreciation for it. Any way you go, overdoing/ overindulging meets with a similar fate and disaster is generally a part of it.

Therefore appreciate and respect that which you have. Take the perks, rewards, luxuries in stride and spread them out over time. You may not get to them all but surely you will have time to sample them, and that may be enough. For life truly holds NO guarantees, exception being all will end.

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06 Sep 2013
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Casualties

When you think of a casualty what is the first thing that comes to mind? This writer connects it to war and loss. Well there are many types of wars and even more types of loss.

As we age our relationships and connections change, they evolve at an astounding rate. Perhaps we notice the changes more so because of what we are preoccupied with, CHANGE. I was reviewing photos and articles surrounding the March on Washington and came across  something that “blew my mind”.  There is so much amazing and rich history surrounding that event that one should not be surprised at what they see, but fifty years ago I was not quite 4 years old. Alive but not aware of the world outside the protective walls of my home and the arms of my parents.

There in the midst of my scrolling through pages I came across a shot of James Baldwin, he was flanked by what was considered “Hollywood Royalty” . I sighed and wished that people cared about one another again. I wished that we could look outside our own personal needs. Then I symbolically shook myself; I had to go back to that photo when I realized who I saw in that same photo and I had to confirm it. There he was James Baldwin small, in stature only, with Marlon Brando on one side and Charleton Heston on the other.  Gun toting, “they can pry it from my cold dead hand” , NRA poster boy, Charleton Heston! Now I grew up with Charleton Heston attached to the image of Moses; surely you cannot play a good man, a man of God like Charleton Heston did, and not be “good”.  However in adult life I saw another side of Mr. Heston, and I didn’t like it or HIM anymore. After learning of his politics and affiliations with the NRA and his stance on guns, as much as I LOVED ” The Ten Commandment” I could never quite view the film the same.

I asked myself what happened to the man who was pictured attending and participating in an event that screamed to the United States of America and alerted world JUSTICE, EQUALITY, and FREEDOM must be for all or none truly possess it. The first thing that came to mind was he got old, a casualty of age. He was not unique for if we are fortunate enough to continue living, age will take prisoners of us all from one aspect or another. Yet we eliminate or overlook the positive aspect of aging, we look on and fear loss of the familiar.

You see it all around; in politics it is especially clear, we put these people in office because they “SAY” they understand us and know what we want and need. Adamantly insisting “THEY” will deliver. “THEY” lie, practically(I am being generous here) all of “THEM”. Once they have secured their position they go about and pursue their own agenda and at the top of that list is to make sure “THEY” have all “THEY”want need and desire… and we look on with shock and anger.

I wanted to be amazed by Charleton Heston, but then I realized I actually knew about him and the March on Washington. I had chosen to have selective amnesia, I could pull it off because I am becoming a part of the group I refer to as “older”. There it was my built in excuse.  My conscious would not allow me to overlook the fact things that I exuberantly sought out in my 20’s have now somehow lessened on my priority list in my 50’s.

Today I want to challenge you to think beyond yourself; think of your children and grandchildren, remember being younger having hopes and dreams. Think of what or who came into your young life and tried to bash the gifts of your youth for no apparent reason. Gather those thoughts and look at them closely; recall (and admit to it) thinking “old bastard” and know now someone sees that in you when you get ugly especially.  On the flip side to the younger folks who read this, if you are fortunate, your day is coming; the next gray haired individual you cut off in traffic, chose to use offensive language in the presence of with NO regard, the very image/representation of your parent or grandparent today, WILL be you tomorrow. Keep having hopes and dreams of something beyond YOU. Resist becoming a casualty.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , ,
02 Sep 2013

“All-Out” Pregnancy

It’s not spring but it feels like a good time for this “Autumn Baby” to talk about having babies. While our group has long passed the age of reproducing or as only nature says and defines(i.e. menopause); we are still being affected by child birth and babies, mostly as grandparents. Two of my friends are expecting new grand-babies within a few months; one a seasoned veteran, the other a novice, but  the excitement, anticipation, shopping, party planning is evidence we are enjoying this role.

She walked into Kaiser’s pharmacy,  in between what appeared to be six to eight months “along”. She wore the morphed version of platform styled shoes with stiletto heels, figure hugging leggings, hair perfectly coiffed (weave and all), her top was well coordinated and showed off ever curve and bulge of her pregnancy. I tried not to stare, I am not certain I was successful. My initial reaction was reduced to internet lingo “SMH”, but my mind would not allow me to stop there.  As I studied this young woman and wondered was I feeling this disapproval because I am beyond the child bearing years and jealous(because my hormones make me crazy), am I out-of-touch, am I old and judgmental,  or was this mother-to-be just inappropriately dressed. I concluded that many of the prior cited thoughts, could very well be applicable.

I was researching my thoughts when I came across an article in The New Yorker from two years ago titled “Parents Of A Certain Age”. It was a remarkable piece, I was enlightened and amazed by it. Covering everything from the bliss of being first time parents at the half-century mark with financial stability, to the the possibilities of having a debilitating stroke during or right after giving birth. I kept going; now I was on a mission, looking up fashions and cultural aspect of pregnancy. Why was  this grandmother so intrigued and involved with this natural phenomenon? Be certain I was not trying to join the ranks of the older mothers from the New Yorker article.

I was seeking understanding. I wanted to know why this  redefining of pregnancy  was happening. Fashion was only one aspect of it, although it was taking a very interesting turn.  Now I am a mother, so I have been pregnant. I went though my childbearing years with Demi Moore”gracing” the cover of a magazine nude. Fashion’s cutting edge suggestions for the 1980’s was to use your husband’s dress shirts and a opened front vest, in opposed to a frilly, childish, or matronly top. We ever wore over-sized tee shirts designed to drape over the “baby bump“. Maternity fashions have historically been expensive and down right ugly; it is easy to see why women would look for alternatives, but pregnant women should look carefully.

Now you see painted bellies, outfits that accentuate(like that is needed) the bellies, and yes bare bellies many with protruding belly buttons. Celebrities are known for being out there, but we everyday people are supposed to know better. Seriously anyone, these days, three years old and above knows what that protruding abdomen means. Are young women so obsessed and pressured about their looks that they still need validation in pregnancy.  Whose attention are you trying to get?

When I read an excerpt from a fashion article  encouraging women to display their “baby bumps in form fitting materials is so sexy”, I thought I would scream(and vomit). Now we are turning the bellies into a fetish? Great, objectify a woman in a state that should ONLY be appealing to HER mate. Wait a minute this woman is not only unavailable she is not alone (i.e. with child???)! Please understand I am not saying pregnancy is sickening, embarrassing, or something to hide; I am saying modesty, health, and safety are things women in the condition should consider. You are having a baby, not prepping for a bikini photo shoot. Tight clothing can slow the digestive process causing heartburn, those beautiful high heels and your expanding out of balance body may have a propensity to stumbles, trips, and falls(which could be devastating in “flats” let alone 3 and 1/2 inch stiletto heels).

Expectant mothers are beautiful, glowing and full of new life. Realize your pregnancy is a personal experience, unique to YOU and your partner. As we weren’t audience to the beginnings of this impending blessed event, we should not be “knee deep” in this aspect of the event either. Therefore beautiful, proud, elated “mothers-to-be” take one more look in the mirror before you step outside; realize that precious cargo you carry within you, will be exposed to the world soon enough.

Posted in Everybody's Critic, One For My Friends and tagged , , | Leave a comment
27 Aug 2013

Now That’s Cute?

In the wake of Miley Cyrus’ crash and burn performance at the  2013 VMAs I started looking at what we deem to be cute. Our society likes to look, we enjoy the” finer” things and are obsessed with celebrity and celebrities are obsessed with being in the limelight. However, our youngsters are getting the wrong message. Partially because “we” are sending them flawed information.

I remember as a child watching the Mickey Mouse Club (in black and white no less).  I wondered what one needed to do to be a kid on television. I don’t think I was alone but in Kansas, well that task would be a bit more difficult. The early 1980’s brought forth a new revamped and a bit more diverse Mickey Mouse Club. Mickey was now quietly competing with MTV. Nowadays my granddaughter enjoys the Disney Channel; 24 hours of Mickey Mouse, Princesses, Doc McStuffins, Little Einsteins and an array of talented “tweens” coming to the adult world faster than you can quite frankly”wish upon a star” for.

However, there seems to be a new epidemic surfacing, or should I say resurfacing. These kids are being thrown into growing up on screen before they actually have time to grow up. Now this is not new to the harsh world of reality for child stars, but we see some really bizarre reactions to no longer being cute. Why, because being cute just isn’t enough. They long for, crave, no they demand an enormous amount of gratification and attention.  When they do not get this attention they do what any child would do, they throw a tantrum and they are doing it in the most public way.

I cannot point my finger at them(the kids) exclusively, what of the adults who are cashing in and exploiting them. When Miley did her version of what many are describing as a “g-rated sex show”(oxymoron anyone), did we forget that Robin Thicke was on stage with her? If he was surprised, he sure did a great job of improvising his way through it. Surely the producers of the show saw where this was going and could have pulled the plug at any time, but what happened, nothing.

There is a little movie starring Lindsey Lohan, another casualty of the Disney Empire, called “Mean Girls”; it addresses a host of problems children in our society deal with growing up in the seemingly normal life. It is hilarious, but there is a particular scene that comes to mind where the spotlight is shone on the younger sister of one of the main characters. This little girl is depicted as PERHAPS a second grader watching a sexy music video and imitating the provocative moves.. sound/seem familiar?

These little girls are most definitely cute, but it is clear that no matter how the industry tries to disguise it, there is the underlying power of the corporate big-wigs to sell sex, and it doesn’t matter if they use kids who are ready, or mature, or legal. They are another drop in the bucket and   if they get out of hand they simply switch to the next “flavor of the month”.

Therefore when you are watching your little angel grow up and shine, carefully cultivate her talent and beauty. Then if you feel compelled to share her with the world on this level  and in this particular forum, be wary of exposing her to too much limelight all at once. Her delicate self may not be able to withstand it.

Posted in Everybody's Critic and tagged , , | Leave a comment

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