hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

Archive for the tag “wisdom”

14 Mar 2012
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X-Hafa…What-Now

How about that for a question. For Post 100, I figured it should be something special.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Something that would connect the blog to the writing. Not so suddenly, I ran out of ideas for this. Then it came to me, I would follow in the footsteps of one of my favorite groups “Chicago” no frills titles for their albums, they let the songs and music speak to you. Beyond the greatest hits, all you have to do is to be able to count. Thus after this post under this tag, all I will do is use Roman numerals to identify these pieces.

Post 100 or X has to live up to a lot, at least it does for me. I do not want it to merely be full of fluff to get me to that number. It has to have character and it has to have content. So what about these half way points. These, from this point forward, pieces that originally were to earmark things that my mid-life experience experienced.  One thing is there never seems to be a lack of material only a lack of time and concentration.

I began thinking of stalemates and being stagnant. Now I am a talker, I have been dubbed this long before I could write. Therefore, I believe I will always have something to say. Whether it is worthy of reading or writing is discretionary. I felt pretty convinced that words would never escape me, but in Post 100 I must come to terms with  my stalemate, my book.

While filled with great ideas and an outline as to where I want to go…. My outline is the longest contribution to this upcoming book of mine. I think about life; I compare it to travel and the point of no return. I do not concentrate on that much when I travel, but then it seems overall we do not think about that point much in life either. I believe we should. I think we should consciously visit that point in our everyday decisions. I am not suggesting we sit down and ponder all aspects of our life with this formula, merely to take it into account more often then when we are in an airplane.

So what now? I have to regroup. I have no predictions, only hopes. At this juncture it is good that I still have that available, and then there is the anticipation of XI. Stay Tuned… was all I could come up with. A boat load of parables filled my head, but nothing seemed right. Sometimes you can search too long and too hard for that which is right there in front of you. The truth is everything you do though it is impactful on some level, it may not live up to what your idea of impactful is. The tiny little impressions add up; then one day you can finally see what took some time to achieve, and you may find that what you intended is nothing like the result.

Posted in Hafwaythroughpoints and tagged , , ,
11 Mar 2012
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The Disappointed Idealist

 “Inside every cynical person there is a disappointed idealist”

– George Carlin

Maybe you know one. Maybe you are one. Has life thrown you a blow or two that has made it hard for you to get up? Has your mind finished the delivery of that blow with a dose of feeling inadequate? Now you have an excuse to be sarcastic and negative. Repeat the process a couple of times and the cynic is born.  Now I have to hit you one more time,” this doesn’t make you special or unusual”. We all know it is much simpler to take the easy way out. In this case, it is negative and effortless. Who could blame you, for after all this was a … then you must stop yourself. Stop before you go spiraling in to  the pity party

How did we get here though? Who did this to you? Let’s begin. Your education crescendoed with your post graduate degree, you married your high school sweetheart, the promotion is yours. What you did not realize is these events are not truly final acts as they imply. For though you have reached a goal, the hard work now begins. Of course you know this, but are you reacting like you know it?

Remember, you were going to change the world. That is until you ran into that road block. I submit that the idealist  falls short when they allow themselves to be short sighted. “OOH I didn’t plan on running into so much difficulty in doing this.” Why? If you thought it would be easy, don’t you think it would have been done already.

While it is relatively simple to join the ranks of a cynic, it is not a desirable state. Oftentimes,  it is not as easy to get away from that ” cynical sleeping giant” you awake.  Listen we all get a little down but you have to remember life is cyclic, ever changing and each morning brings a new opportunity for you to close the door on the cynic in you.

Let me go through life looking through “rose colored glasses”. The disappointments should serve as reminders that we have untapped resources that now need to be utilized. Finally, if the desired results are not achieved feel accomplished in the fact that things are not quite the same as they were before you began your endeavor. A true idealist would not give up or surrender to the challenges that would eventually bring their dreams and goals into fruition. While disappointments are the reality for some, know this is not the case or even a possibility for the idealist.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , ,
09 Mar 2012
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Breaking Bread

Eating is a very important process in our lives. We need it in order to sustain ourselves, first and foremost. However, there is something more. As we tie certain songs to events in our lives, there is a connection that exists with us and our meals.

Think of the imagery of the 1950’s a family sitting down to dinner, sharing the events of their day.  How about the “romantic comedy” you just watched a couple of nights ago where the couple shared a romantic dinner, or the mother’s day surprise of breakfast in bed. Food and who we eat it with is a very personal passionate thing. You just don’t sit down and eat with anyone, at least you don’t plan to.

We went to an interesting eatery when we first moved to Georgia almost 20 years ago at the urging of our new neighbors (Georgia natives). This place served typical southern cuisine, the thing that was most exciting to them was the sitting down to enjoy your meal in the company of complete strangers. I thought it was a novel little idea, but wasn’t quite as excited. We were new and felt like we should get familiar with the regions traditions and customs. Well it was very uneventful, and not even in the slightest manner interesting.

I was taken back to another piece I wrote called, “All We Do Is Eat” and I realized how very personal this act of eating is. We do it so often and so mechanically that we really do not  think of the intimacy involved.

When I worked in “Corporate America” in an effort to demonstrate “they” cared; there were often luncheons, celebrations, etc. where we, the employees would get together with the bosses and “break bread”. I was always the outspoken and standoffish one. I thoroughly enjoyed declining or not showing up to these functions, knowing questions would be asked, and I would have the opportunity to tell “them” exactly why I had chosen not to be a part of the function. In a way I was being completely honest, in  another I was being completely mean, but at the time I did not realize how completely valid my reaction/response was to being invited to come and “make nice” with an individual in a forum that is normally reserved for people you really and truly want to be around. Later when the title change happened and I became “them” the the challenge was once again presented, for I now not only had to participate in these function I oftentimes had to plan them. Oh the hypocrisy of it all….

Today as I attempt to be a better person, I am a volunteer that works with a team that serves my community. It is a good place and a good thing we do, yet I would not be honest if I said that I feel close to any of the other members. I attributed this to my being the newer member, but as time has gone by I think there may be another reason. I do not believe that my personal feelings are important,  for what we do is what is most important. The problem is now we are having a meeting in which food will be served. This will be the third meeting of this type I have been invited to. The first I did not go to at all, the second I did not eat. I have and feel the obligation to be there for this meeting, but I cannot overlook my feelings toward these people I am teamed with. Perhaps a more relevant question would be, “do I need to continue to be with a group I do not want to or feel comfortable being around”? Do I have the right to interrupt/disturb this part of a program we are all a part of because of MY personal feelings? I think maybe if I allow myself to get into this intimate setting with them maybe I will connect, but the questions remains, what if I am right, what if this vibe I feel is the vibe the are sending out. I would rather walk away than to have them send me away, but that is all about ego isn’t it.

Therefore, I will go and I will be on time, but I will not eat once again. I guess the test will be how many meetings will I go to before I feel comfortable enough to get intimate with my team members, or how long will I stubbornly work with people I may not like and who may not like me for the sake of doing something good.

Then in the midst of revisions and additions I came face to face with it; maybe I am sending a signal to my team members as well. While I am sitting here feeling ostracized, maybe I have ostracized as well. Wow, maybe I  should eat.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , ,
05 Mar 2012
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Done-But Not Ready

A cautious glimpse at the possibilities. Was Cinderella held prisoner in the home of her evil step-mother? Was Sleeping Beauty held in a deep sleep by a spell? Does circumstance help our minds to help us escape unhappiness?

Years in a situation that one sees no end to can breed contempt as well as creativity. Something woke me up this particular morning. It was a troubled mind. I had a plan, but things surrounding me kept interfering. Yet the unsettled feeling would not leave me.

Our princesses seem to be trapped by the forces of something outside of self, but what if their escape was the very prison they existed in? As terrible as one may feel their existence is, does it overshadow the fear of the unknown? There is a real fear of falling. The inner “daredevil” has long retreated into the  poolside lounging chair. Yet, what can be worse than falling? Is it the devastation of defeat, what about the embarrassment of failure.

Growing older there is a stronger need for the certainties of life. We need stable, predictable outcomes now more than ever. The trouble is now we must look to ourselves to provide those confident stable situations.

The other reactions are difficult but for me the stagnant, atrophying, paralysis which occurs when you fear movement is the worst. You are a prisoner, one of your own creation in part. Not a very creative one either. Choosing to stay and be miserable simply because it is familiar is NOT a good choice.

Begin at the beginning, work on YOU. If it is a workplace problem, what measures or steps are realistic for YOU to take? If it is a personal relationship, where you can see the other person’s faults and contributions to the bad situation, maybe examine what YOU are doing. If it is  a spiritual  issue and you feel conflicted, perhaps begin with YOU being committed. As an individual YOU is the only factor one has complete accountability for and control over.

Therefore, we are very much like the pastry fresh out of the oven; one stage is complete, but more has to happen before it is ready to be served.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , ,
05 Feb 2012
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You Already Know The Answer

I have been so fortunate to be put in contact with and befriended by some pretty fabulous, bright, smart, insightful, intelligent people. However, I have also be plagued with the misfortune of encountering their polar opposites. When I am in contact with the ones I find less desirable, it is very difficult to call upon my resources and remember they are only one aspect of my people dealings.

Living in the south only a “transplant” understands my plight. Though it was a path I chose willingly, it  periodically challenges my entire being. My “Yankee” friends probably are imagining all sorts of menacing horrors, but I can and do assure them it really isn’t more than a minor annoyance. Yet it is /they are annoyances just the same.

The election years are always thought provoking and amazing. A few days ago a couple of neighbors that I would consider civil were reduced to the mindless drone classification. Now that is okay, because they were never very far from that position in the first place.  Yet it is disheartening just the same. I ask how can adults behave in such a childish way?

History if for nothing else will have to record like it or not that Barack Obama was the first president of these United States Of America of obvious African American decent. President Obama is a black man, for the people who have “challenges” and “issues”. He has provided certified documentation of his birth, he has stated he is a christian, and in spite of the frivolous accusations and distractions he has done/is doing his job. I ask how can people be so uninformed?

On the eve of my Sabbath; a day that I proudly proclaim, my church would make Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.  smile for it is NOT  a party to “Segregated Sunday”, I am writing about an overall feeling of unrest.  Plagued by the question who will I be sitting next to in church?

I am comforted with a video slideshow, that was sent to me a couple days ago by a high school classmate, of President Obama on  election night 2008. Images as diverse as the world we live in; faces with smiles, faces with tears, faces with hope. I remind myself where I was, how I felt. Irony interrupts my thoughts with the images of another time and place and the words of, not a poet laureate , nor a head of state come to mind. “Can’t we all just get along?” Tonight my answer saddens me.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , ,
05 Feb 2012
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Give Nothing, Expect Nothing, Get Nothing

I imagine one may question this title. Let me clarify. Maybe I should have called the piece “Give Nothing, Get Nothing, Expect What?” I did not want to leave room for questions I wanted this spelled out. Therefore I approached this with the logic of my least favorite subject in school, MATH. Mathematics are very precise, absolute, cut and dry;  that is until you get into the higher levels that I do not pretend to understand. The main idea here is a simple addition problem. Most of us can work with that.

I am virtually breathless as I take this on. Most things I write have a personal experience to draw from but always a personal vantage point. The fact that I am breathless tells me I cannot take this on with out being personal. So I am letting go of my mental reigns and whatever come across… comes across.

Gladly I am in a state of bounce-back. We human beings have that uncanny ability. The tone of this piece was of an individual feeling their weaknesses and the need to  document it was overwhelming. Now it has lost some of its poison and potence. I still want to talk about it though.

Have you ever rushed something? Made dinner to fast, rushed a school project, picked up a last minute gift. These are examples of what I believe are afterthoughts. You know they need to be done but you have neglected or misjudged something. Be it time, ingredient or content  the end result will generally NOT be good. Why, because you didn’t put what was needed into it.

Next, have you ever been disappointed with something or someone. Maybe they or it did not live up to what you thought they should. You felt cheated right. However, hold on did you think about a time that maybe you did a little cheating yourself?

We do want things easy and we want things our way. No matter how old we are, there are  many of us who still need to grow up and abandon our childish ways. There is nothing wrong with having the energy of a child, or the hope and wonder of a child. These qualities keep us young and able to bounce back. Reckless abandon, uncontrolled temper, and no sense of responsibility.. well they will land us in the same place they did when we were children, IN TROUBLE.

What do these scenarios have in common with you and your relationships? Hopefully you can answer nothing, but if you can’t lets go back and evaluate this situation you find yourself in. Remember we are employing math principles here. if you are more musically inclined draw upon your memory and think of Billy Preston’s song, “Nothing From Nothing”.  Genius, right. No just common sense again. Stop with the shortcuts and put effort and pride in what you do. Show the loved ones they are loved. Staying cold will only get you a case of frost-bite around the heart, and that is fatal.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , ,
27 Jan 2012

It’s Complicated, But

What isn’t complicated these days? Where was I going with this. Oftentimes titles pop in my head and I immediately jot them down, but if there are no thoughts attached to the title….. It leaves you free to fill in the blank(s).

In a mode of reminiscing, a time gone by surfaced. It was a happier time but it was confusing, my time with the status of “It’s Complicated”. I did not realize it until the words began to fill up this piece. Faces began to fill in spaces where question marks once were, I can’t say I liked that. Then more questions came, the beauty of not-so-accurate memories returned.

You probably have watched a film or two that noted, “do not return to the scene of the crime”.  I must comment this is very good advice. In returning you may leave something you never intended for someone else to see, instead of checking for what you may have left behind. Being careless is bad, but being overly careful is not the solution either.

In a moment, where better judgement was lost the journey is made. It is all too familiar this lends to the need to go on, even though there is still time to turn around and go back home. Places and voices are the same as best you can remember. That is because this is what you want to recall. Slowly you tiptoe back into this neatly disguised disaster that used to be your reality, your life. Now it is too late you are right back where you started and now you ask, what actually went wrong? This is not where I thought I would be, I am pretty certain it is not where I want to be, yet here I am.

As another mystery of this thing called life unfolds, we ask why?I know my life is filled with questions at a time that I really thought I would have more answers. Do you, my readers’/my contemporaries feel the same way? Now what? Knowing the history, your history, guided by reactions and results the next move is yours. I submit to you we have no choice but to move forward,  for we have already taken the step into this once familiar place. We ignored the warnings and better judgment to stay away, or at the very least turn around and go back. Now here we come face to face with the fact, this time it will all be under our control. No questions, no excuses,  this time around merely responsibility.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
22 Nov 2011

It’s Worth Paying Attention To

My sons inspire me and my husband makes me aware. In adult life they are a mechanism by which I gauge “me”. It is still ironic to me that life experience will still throw you “curve balls”. Perhaps it is arrogance, but as time goes on you do have a tendency to think on a conscious level you have seen “it all”. While you may not truly believe this, it plants a seed.

With that in mind, how on Earth can anything really be a surprise? Yet discovery will generally catch us “off-guard”. Just when you think no one is watching you will find someone looking right through you, and they know all of your secrets. We are all complicated; but we are not hard to figure out, we all fit into one category or the other. It is important that you pay attention to who you are dealing with. Just because you are in the presence of someone on a regular basis, does not mean you know them.

Our cleaning business has put us in touch with such an array of people. We make every effort to do the work efficiently and with integrity. We have made quite a few friends as a result of the business. We have also lost some clients,  which motivate and have motivated me into writing several different pieces. I wish I could say I find it ironic that something negative would yield such a reaction. However, it really makes perfect sense. The losses make you examine and re-evaluate. Whereas in on-going relationships one tends to be lazy and take things for granted.

As I began taking a look at the clients we no longer have, the first thing I had to do was filter out MY FEELINGS. This is business and on the one hand you try to make your clients happy, but on the other you do have to  be cautious and mindful that you do not get too personally involved. I had/have been “blindsided” more than once. I asked myself how?

Well for starters people are all so very different, and clients are people. I begin my sales pitch with, “we want happy clients…” Really what is that? Over the years I have discovered the job I do is one that most people do not want to do, PERIOD. Never mind they are unable to do it as effectively as I do, it is something they do not want to do. It is in their minds an necessary evil; and not only do they  not want to do it they do not want to pay for it. Theirs is generally the attitude of, “I want this work done for me by you and if you insist I will pay, but I do not want to pay a lot and I get to be the determining factor in what I think is a lot.” In any environment if this were presented to you what attitude would you take? Hold onto that answer and bear in mind, I feel the exact same way.

Let’s take a look at the compensation. Pay for something you do not want to do. Well what is it worth; in the grand scheme of things you can debase it, to try to make it seem as though it is not worth very much. However the truth be known it is quite valuable, but there I go putting the truth factor into play.

Finally, there is a sense of power and superiority. “I am far to educated, important, well-bred to do this thing” is what we get to deal with now, the individual’s sense of self-worth.

This was, all in all, a trip into the land of self discovery for me. People I viewed as pretentious and self-serving, were the mirror image of me. The amount of the compensation meant I was getting closer to my destination, and that was the place where I no longer had to deal with “these people” I had assigned the label of being fake. Lastly, I really do not want to do this work either. This is an means to an end. The very first chance I am given, I will be out of the cleaning business.

Now I will sum this all up for you. No one is exactly what they say they are or try to represent themselves as. You have to look deeper; and this will require time and effort, two things you may not have the luxury of possessing. Watch people closely few of us are the masters of deception we want to believe we are, we are merely average perpetrators. Listen to what is being said; it is a difficult task to take command of the language of words. How many times have you heard someone proclaim to know ALL about something, or boast they know EVERYONE in a certain place. These are “word-traps” with faulty” trip wires”. It is almost outside the nature of human beings to be completely honest, whether it is fear of being taken advantage of, inability to tell the truth, or lack of desire.  Therefore, in your search for characters to observe and even watch out for, a good place to start would be a close examination of you. It will be a valuable journey and well worth paying attention to.

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16 Nov 2011
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Extraodinarily Ordinary

Average, an existence in the middle of the road. The place most of us do not want to be.  We are all taught to strive for more. We see it happening more and more; competition once thought of as healthy, is now a way of life. Children, toddlers, babies are placed on waiting lists to be selected to go to preschools! Well, what do you do when average is all there is to you?

Something inside of us strives to be special. We need to be  outstanding in our own right, and it generally isn’t enough that we are all individuals. Therefore the search begins, what do I have that sets me apart? Is it a chick thing? I am sure we women feel it very strongly. We react to it in our style of dress, hairstyles, etc. a number of outward appearance things. Yet, I know men feel it too. Theirs, I believe, is a more inward struggle.

God created such amazing individuals; there are great talents, astounding beauty, and insurmountable intelligence. What can be said to the “Regular Joes” of the world. The difficulty comes into play as you come to terms with this average status; for just because you are of this status doesn’t mean you do not want to do something extraordinary, it doesn’t take away from the fact that you truly want to be special. You wander aimlessly trying to escape your terribly normal existence. You grab at any inkling of something that suggests you are above the rest. We are taught to think outside of the box, but oddly enough we forget that most things are geared toward those who fit neatly within that same box.

Tread carefully friends in your quest to stand out; you are at risk of doing something that may make you stand out, but not necessarily in a positive fashion or in a way you want recognition.

I will close with my version of a Grimm’s Fairy Tale, a metaphor relating to this piece. Once upon a time there lived a plain little flower, her home in a modest meadow. In the meadow there were lots of other flowers. There were beautiful roses, there were fragrant gardenias, there were fabulous lilies, even the perky daisies drew attention. The plain little flower would go virtually unnoticed among these other  spectacular plants. Sometimes in the shadowy part of the day she would feel sad and let her foliage droop. “No one cares about me with all of these other bright, exciting, pretty flowers around. It doesn’t matter what I do.” One day a truly handsome prince came upon the meadow. He was something to behold. His smile was bright like a daffodil. He was as beautiful as any rose. His eyes were bright and perky like the daisy. All of the flowers stood up really tall, so he would notice them and he did. He took in all of the sights of all of the beauty that was surrounding him, but what captured his attention was the plain little flower….

What do you suppose happens next? What if your answer defines you?

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , ,
15 Oct 2011
1 Comment

Deal With It

I read an inspiring piece this morning, it was in regards to relationships with loved ones. It was not unusual; for it dealt with how limited and uncertain our time on this Earth is, and how we ought to let loved ones know they are loved every day. For as certain as it is that we have loved ones, there is or will be turmoil.

My personal friends and family know that I am an active participant in conflict on a daily basis. I welcome debate and exchanges. They also know I am a “head-on” type and this clashes with my attempts to be a more “gentle-christian” type of individual. I cannot say I have mastered the art of being direct with compassion, and if I am honest I have to say there are often minimal efforts made depending on the circumstances and individual (s) involved. Big surprise, partial confession; no on part one and affirmative on part two.

I completely agree with what I read this morning. I learned that lesson long ago and began practicing what I learned. The problem is the challenges of dealing with individuals. What about the exceptions and the “what-ifs”? What do you really do when those loved ones that you cherish so much happen to be taken from you during that time of turmoil? Truth be known it is not that easy to say at the conclusion of an argument, “yeah well I love you so much”. Be realistic, in most arguments one is caught-up in the moment.

Now I have to get away from sounding so callous and mechanical, now I have to talk about one being the bigger person. There is a pregnant pause here, because I had to take in air. It is not ALL ABOUT YOU, let me make that clear. Now stop taking yourself so very serious, stop feeling sorry for YOU, and look at the big picture. This means saying I am sorry when you are not necessarily the one at fault. It means actively pursuing someone who seemingly does not want to be sought out.

In some cases one has to be away from their normal character, but in this process  the strength of that same character is demonstrated. I am not by any stretch saying this will be easy, but it is easier than some of the other alternatives.  Don’t sell yourself or the ones you love short here. In this direct “deal with it” attitude you come face to face with real feelings and emotions, this allows you to get to some things instead of running away from them.

“I love you but I don’t like you”, may seem cliche’ at times yet often times it is so very true.  You just don’t loose that love for someone because they hurt you or made you angry. Yet that anger and hurt are all so real as well. It is not unheard of or terrible to get or be angry with people you love and care about. Padding that anger with an automatic “I love you” does not change that anger. I think the best thing you can give to ones you love and yourself is honesty, and honesty is a tall order.

Therefore, I say be honest, direct, and real with these people and these feelings. Have compassion and tact in the process, but if by chance something occurs in the midst of some turmoil in your relationship and you do not have an opportunity for a “do over” be comforted in the knowledge that these folks do know you. More than likely at some point they may have been faced with the dilemma of dealing with it as well, but afforded the luxury of time to get through it.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , , ,

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