hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

Archive for the tag “control(s)”

30 Jan 2013
1 Comment

Indirect Affects of Being Unconcerned

Well by now most of us have grown children and a lot of us have grandchildren. Things like schools and parks are secondary in our minds. We are concerned of sorts but  on a part-time basis (i.e. when little Miles comes to visit or Amanda has a birthday skating party to attend). However, remember there was a time not so very long ago that things like where you moved  was directly affected by the rating the local school system.

Now we are toying with and courting our “Golden Years” retirement is close at hand. Now we and our contemporaries are much more concerned with SELF than anything else on this planet. As we have gotten on in age we have lost sight of what is really important. Our compassion is dying more rapidly than we are, and what will be left should be shoved in the grave  before it can pollute and infect others.

I remember seeing a bumper sticker a few years ago it said the following:”If you think education is expensive think about the high cost of the alternative”.

I listen to the pundants of public education and I think, ” are these people actually that stupid or does the evil and personal agendas that exist within them have them completely blind. Look I do not want to pay taxes for schools when I do not have school aged children, BUT I also do not want those same school aged children to roam the streets with nothing to do and no formal education. Why, well it is not right number one and always remember what someone does not have on one level they will manage to more than make up for it on another. You will never suffer a loss of greater magnitude than one that is the result of underestimating  someone. Personally, I would much rather pay the school taxes.

There is a cross-section of this nation that wants to see the middle class  become a thing of the past. This cross-section would love nothing more than to see  the once thriving socio-economic group reduced to  ranks of modern day slavery. I shudder when I see the sons and daughters who reaped the benefits of public education, affirmative action, etc. turn their backs and even try to destroy the same programs that helped elevate them to their current stations in life. Have they forgotten or maybe worse do they not care?

It is easy to be insensitive if you think it does not involve, concern, or affect you, but remember the “high cost” reference. If our society is reduced to the very wealth and the very poor only, well it will not be as wonderful as one(i.e. ultra conservatives and tea-partiers) may think. Imagine that you have a growing population of individuals who do NOT have the things the need, let alone the things they want, and you have handicapped them. They cannot escape their circumstances through good-ole-hard-work or “pulling themselves up by their bootstraps” as the opposing forces would have you believe “they” did. You leave them in a helpless, hapless condition with no choice but to resort to the little bit they do have available and if what is available is bad or criminal so-be-it. However, let me”rattle your chain” a bit more; you do not have a frightened individual separated from all he knows, you are dealing with an angry group. A group that has the ability to plan, organize, and take matters into their own hands. Is that what you really want?Is your selfishness and greed going to lead to YOUR very destruction and possibly a society?? Really??Are you really from the same era that I came from?

This very thought, though it may seem absurd, is a real possibility. I have watched factions in this nation rally behind individuals for the sake of being right/ being in control and the cost of our great nation is of little or no consequence to them. If they cannot have this country on THEIR terms the way they want it, they would rather see America fail. John Boehner was born in 1949, Eric Cantor 1963, Allen West 1961, Michael Steele 1958, Michelle Bachman 1956, and I cannot leave out a personal favorite Sara Palin 1964(this is PURE sarcasm in case you missed it). Now although these individuals do NOT always demonstrate it they were all  privy to education, books and some forms of modern technology.T hey sit back with their wealth and feel insulated. Well I will remind you of the Roman Empire or the story of Troy. These big, wonderful,  sprawling societies fell; and arrogance and greed had a hand in each case. As you sit sipping cocktails behind your walls in your gated communities  rest easy with the thought “it doesn’t concern you”.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , ,
21 Jan 2013
1 Comment

I Love You So Much, That I Would Die For YOU

In this era, it is sad that this title is about an inanimate object a gun. “They can pry it from my cold dead hands”- Charlton Heston. What an image, what a thought, what a speech from the man who PLAYED “Moses”.

I do not own a gun. I do not like guns so one might say,” who are you to discuss this subject?” My answer is… who am I not to. This could easily be turned into a statistic filled graph. I do not want that. You are free to search and read those on your own. I am reaching for a human contact. Yes I will give up a little data because it is necessary for you to sample the journey my words will take you on. Yet, there is no proclamation of expertise here, it is opinionated and heartfelt. I direct you ask.com or “google” the question “how many people have lost their lives to firearms?”..hint stay away from the NRA sponsored sites. You can find all the data you want and more.

We seem to be travelling back in time to an era when “tea parties” and militia were the norm, the problem is these “time travelers” want the benefits of the future with the fallback of the past at their fingertips and all for “their” convenience. Maybe the mere name “tea party” instantly  tele-ports them back in time. A time when our nation was a mere colony being controlled by a monarchy. Why, why, why do we hang onto the past? The right to bear arms, this so-called loss will make the proponents think romantically of that time not-so-long-ago… wait it was a time that is  long-since past! They cannot have memories for they were not even in existence when the events occurred. That is what is called history and it is documented. You can attempt to re-write it, but you stand a very strong chance that you are not qualified due to the simple fact that you were NOT there.  This is a case of being practical and no proponent of these gun issues wants to be practical. They will fan the flames of hatred, ignorance, and fear to get THEIR point across. Here is a tidbit.

Consider the licensing  requirement process for a start. Gun owners would have to be tested regularly in writing and have their skills(competence at the very least) demonstrated in controlled setting, identified by registration, held accountable and made to be insured. Owning a gun is a deliberate act, therefore one should be willing to  abide by these rules and regulations. I don’t want the rhetoric of “the criminals will not do these things”,  for my answer is simple, “that is what makes them criminals and their actions are and will be punishable by LAW”. Good upstanding citizen should NOT have a problem here. When you load that firearm are you doing it properly, by the book? Is it okay for you to take your firearm outside the confines of the designated area. If you do this what is the fine or consequence? It should not be as simple as going to the store or a gun show and slapping down the funds for the purchase, there is more to it. Just as the responsibilities of being a parent; physiologically you may be capable, but we all know directly or indirectly everyone should not have a child. I turn from behavior that is characteristic of a child, wanting their way, to the horrible loss of children. Forever etched in my mind will be the faces of beautiful little “babies” slaughtered by a man that should not have been walking the streets, let alone have in his possession a gun. I will always remember the guns he had were NOT illegally obtained but licensed and purchased the proper way. I cannot help but wonder had this particular situation had a few more rules and regulations these 26 people who lost their lives at Sandy Hook Elementary School may be alive today. Those weapons used would not have been “laying around”; if there had to liability insurance issued, or if in order to have a license proof of passing a written and performed test had to be produced, or before purchase an application had to be submitted and the rest was contingent upon meeting the guidelines which mirror the stipulations of a driver’s license .

Therefore, in closing I submit the following; more paperwork, more long lines, possibly a creation of some more jobs to get these things done and produce a safer environment for all. Still want to die for the right to have that gun, like the LATE Charlton Heston?It is not necessary, just a few more forms and a little more time is all that is required.  Now, faced with the possibility of a few more challenges how much is it really worth to you?

Posted in As Consumers and tagged , , , ,
10 Jan 2013
2 Comments

And I Am Not Proud Of This Either

Okay, I am willing to bet that I am the only person on this planet who has  been cut off in traffic and got angry about it….. Now let’s be real. Less than 10 blasted days into the New Year, I became a victim. A victim of my lack of self-control. I have to level with you here, I HATE THAT FEELING! Not being in charge or command of a situation is humbling at the very least. Then after being humbled one must face yet another task, facing the demon. I submit to you my brief, but memorable experience.

Driving used to be fun, driving used to be a joy, but in recent times it has become a necessary evil. There are individuals with various skill levels behind the wheels now-a-days , and ALL of them THINK they are great drivers. The array of colorful creatures includes but is not limited to: the racing maniac either on your bumper or coming off of it waaaay too closely, the good Samaritan assisting every other driver except the one of who he has control over, the Sunday driver with no place to go in Monday morning rush hour traffic, the busy bee multi-tasking behind the wheel, and the inconsiderate brat whose motto is “yes as a matter of fact it is my road”. This is just a small sampling of what one might encounter on any given day  of driving.

On my day I ran into the inconsiderate brat. As I navigated through Buckhead this particular morning in not so horrible traffic it began. She drove a courtesy car from a Lexus dealership. Traffic was moving at a decent pace, but she found herself about three car lengths behind a public transportation vehicle. There were two lanes and then she did it! Simultaneously changed lanes and put her signal on, maybe she even turned the signal on a few seconds after she began her lane change. It doesn’t really matter here for upon the move  in which she cut me off, I blew my horn. Now I do not like blowing my horn and generally one would be hard pressed to get this, but this move her move was so blatant and unnecessary… my blow was saying “really, you didn’t see me right there?” Well from her reaction she clearly did. She flipped me the “bird”. Whoa. On a morning where things were moving along quite nicely, I get the bird for someone else’s stupidity, blindness or down-right inconsiderateness.  MOVE!! “OH HELL NO!” was my thought my reaction was a return of the “bird” along with some choice words I don’t have to repeat, but I am sure you all can imagine. She smiled, she waved, and she continued with the “bird”. I played right into it with her. I blew my horn once more before we were caught at a traffic light. This where the “not proud of this either” moment occurred.

Without giving detail I want you to imagine yourself in that spot, I want you to feel the anger and frustration mount, perhaps reference a similar situation you’ve been in. Feel what you felt at that time and KNOW I was in that very same place. Whatever you did; if you quashed the anger and moved on BRAVO, if you did not and you acted like I did, and I am not judging you but you might want to get a handle on that.

It only took a moment, it only lasted a moment. Two things occurred;  the result she did not taunt me any longer and I had to deal with my feelings the rest of the day. What was worse is it could have been much worse. This is a story whose ending could have made the evening news. I hope she learned something, I hope I did too. Don’t take unnecessary chances “boys and girls” you never know who or what you are encountering on any given day. Two don’t think that it could never/would never happen to YOU. YOU can be either party that I am writing about here. We are all human; and being human in that frail state leaves us open and susceptible to all kinds of weaknesses, then after it is all said and done we are left with regret.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , ,
25 Nov 2012

XII-hafawayback

Mission accomplished, of sorts. I made strides on my other project, had some time to slow down and reflect. The break was worth it. I did miss writing on my blog though. I did not completely neglect it, I just had to limit the time in order to dedicate more time to an area of concentration which was in need. I did decide I would work on the blog “half as often, but twice as long”. I will see how much better that works out for the future..

Once again we must find a way to have balance in our lives. We are the ground-breakers. Therefore, what we do is going to serve as a blueprint for those to follow. We have to find a viable way to take the reins back into our hands when they have slipped away from us or when we have even let them go. No easy task in either case.

I am just happy to be back and look forward to making more positive strides… I actually  intended to  present this upon my  return this past August, but it felt incomplete and empty. Now there is more meaning behind this return. I have discovered that  my multi-tasking skills need quite a bit more honing to accomplish  the goals I set for myself. A casualty of this  juncture in life…. a benefit is the realization of such.

Posted in Hafwaythroughpoints and tagged , , | Leave a comment
25 Nov 2012
2 Comments

Victims

There are so many of them in today’s world. It is frightening to discover who and where they are. One may be surprised to find they, themselves fall right into that category. Yet, I want to be clear that I am addressing victims and not one particular kind (i.e. sexual, violent crime, emotional). It is a physical and emotional state.

One might be surprised to learn that victims victimize, just as abusers abuse.  Let’s start there. No one can protect or help you if you keep it to yourself.

I am having an anxiety attack as I work on this piece. There is a lump in my throat, my chest feels tight and breathing is difficult. The source of this is my own doing, I have to let go though, I have to let nature take it’s course of sorts. I am battling with what needs to be done and what I want to do. I am left to wonder if I did the right thing. I feel abandoned and alone. I search for solace and I know where I must turn. I have confessed and put mine out in the open.

I invite you to concentrate. The invitation was/is more of an order for me though. First, there is no crime in being a victim. If you wrap your mind around that it may be easier to deal with this piece. I hope this writing is a bit of help to someone reading it.

There are really no safe havens. We have to be informed and pro-active, for ourselves and for our children. No longer is this a gender or strength issue, boys are victimized as much if not more than girls. The guilt and shame for both is only compounded by society finding excuses and diagnoses for these acts. There is a decline in the morality of our society, our conscious’ are becoming increasingly numb and insensitive.

Moving away from the horrid explicit acts human beings commit against one another, we find a lesser demon the victim of circumstance. However, we cannot ignore the fact there is an excuse/explanation for this being as well.

Born into the situation or consciously pursuing something or someone that places us in the situation, the common thread here is at some point one has the opportunity to leave the surroundings that make things miserable for them, if they so choose. Why be a victim if you have a choice, one might ask. Safe is the reason. Even though the place or person is bad to you or for you, they reside in a place you know and place that is familiar. You have the companionship of “knowing”, and the known is safer than the unknown for a lot of individuals. Realize while you are locking yourself in the” safe- familiar-place” you are imprisoning yourself as well. You are not simply a victim, you are making and insuring for yourself that status. At the risk of stating the obvious I say/suggest this; make an effort to break away, free yourself… escape….

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , , , ,
25 Nov 2012
2 Comments

Self-Absorbed

After a grueling period in which I played a role I am totally unequipped to play, the state of being self absorbed came to me.. I, in anger and in a bad place, began to systematically place people in my life into this category. During the process I was aware of the fact that I too might fit into this place as well, but I was focused on the people other than me. I needed to do this so I could be angry. Why you may ask would someone want to be angry? It is simple and it is complex. First off when one sacrifices they have a tendency to expect something good to come of the sacrifice. No matter they keep this expectation to themselves. However, we all know that this is not always the case. Being angry was a way for me to vent. I am a dutiful individual, an admirable characteristic if you do not mind the role; on the other hand if you do, what you have is a mean spiteful person who is very capable of doing a great deal of harm. Under the guise of dutiful, contempt and disdain can flourish and grow. These are not good things to cultivate. After mulling over this situation and the parties involved I decided the best thing and simple solution was to let it go. A suggestion for all involved, but it is not that easy. I point this out because I know how I felt. I have grown tired of  “taking the high road” which is often higher and steeper, while others seem to do as the damn-well- please. I also know I could not consciously do the insensitive, mean, wrong thing either. Thus I was left with my anger and my anger was really no different than “their stuff”. “Their stuff”, no matter what it was, had a personal pronoun attached and this is what made the difference.

The thing that makes these behaviours so easily recognized and labeled is they are coming from an outsiders perspective. If I point out YOU are being self-absorbed because you are thinking of “YOUR stuff” and NOT considering ME and what I have to deal with, am I being any less self-absorbed? One has to stop and realize, as one places a label a label is assigned to one as well.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , , ,
06 Nov 2012
2 Comments

An Election To Remember

Every year for the past 12, Lexus has held it’s “December To Remember” Event. It was/is an advertising masterpiece. The holiday style music, the beautiful snowy landscapes, images that have you smelling essence of evergreen Christmas trees and warm vanilla cookies in the kitchen and it all crescendos into the excited, teary eyes realization that someone has gotten damn near the best big ticket present imaginable, if you like that sorta thing. Lexus make me want/ imagine/ believe that one day I too could have the Lexus of my dreams waiting in my snowy driveway, perfectly shoveled clean of course. It doesn’t get any better than that and each time the commercial comes on no matter how hard I try to look away and tell myself, “Lexus is full of it”. My eyes and ears and mind wander or are drawn back to the exact place Lexus wants me to be in. If I had the money, I’d be on a Lexus lot somewhere in Georgia making this MY” December To Remember”.

Needless to say, I believe Lexus’ ad campaign has worked. However, you are probably saying this is a rather lengthy introduction to…. “what is this piece about?” It is about the 2012 Presidential Race. Today is the day when some people will be happy and others not-so-happy. It is not going to be the end of the world, but it will be a new beginning. I take a deep breath as I write this, I have been up since 6 okay 5:50 A.M. I have done everything in my power to stay away from the television and news websites. At this point in time I have been successful but it is not quite 9’o clock in the morning. I, like most of my friends and associates, have work to do. Fortunately, for my state of mind, the schedule is  rather light,  unfortunate for my state of finances though. Nonetheless, I still have time to think. I think back to  a day in November when history was made in this great country of ours. A day when people of color, black people,  sighed a sigh of relief and shed tears of disbelief because a country that had not always been kind to us, a country that had not always been fair to us had a meeting of minds and hearts. A day when a collective cross-sectioned group said, I want this guy to run our nation and I don’t care what he looks like.

I am not a political analyst, I am probably not the most informed individual you will meet. I am passionate though, therefore when I read something or see something on the airways that upsets me, I am more prone to turn it off, close the book on, or move along, than to continue with the prospect I may become incensed. This has not been a clean campaign but I do not think it was the dirtiest either; partially because the President’s opponent could NOT drudge up a significant amount of dirt, but mostly because there isn’t any of significance. No one can question Barack Obama’s character, so they question his birth right. No one can question his intelligence, so they question his decision making. No one can question his ability to lead in dire situations, so they try to take credit away from him and give it to someone/anyone but him. President Obama called for change last time, well his opponents are using that battle cry against him now.

It is perplexing and I am perplexed. I guess it can be summed up    as , “you believe what you want to believe”. I have blamed and/or credited this campaign with everything from my departure from a church I thought I loved to loosing clients. I have argued, debated and pleaded with my husband and sons about the rolls of this election, voting in general, and what it all means. In my small family I have a cynic, a bleeding heart, and a radical. My role is to referee these people, while sifting through MY feelings .

This has been a battle, an emotional roller-coaster for many, myself included. Yet in a few hours it will HOPEFULLY be over. I hope and I pray that it goes the way I want it to go. I have to be honest. I want this to end with me felling like I do when I finish watch one of those Lexus commercials. The music faintly playing from another room and you still can recognize this is in fact one of those commercials, but you are still drawn in. I want to feel like,”WOW.. one day, soon, maybe even tomorrow, AT LAST”, this is possible again.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , ,
19 Oct 2012
1 Comment

Bon Anniversaire

First let me  say, I do not speak French. I wish I did, I wish I spoke another language along with English. This post is for my friend “Samantha” :0) I wanted to post this yesterday, because that was actually her birthday. Life interrupted that plan.

Whatever your age, if you are fortunate, you have celebrated a birthday and are still around to talk about it. Some birthdays are great more than you can hope for permanently carved in your memory forever. Others go but as uneventful 24 hour periods. In general most of us have more of the latter. Yet, each year we are filled with expectation and anticipation, whether we admit to it or not.

Landmark birthdays; the 1st one for obvious reasons,  the 12 and/or 13th transitioning the child to the teen years, “sweet 16” truly a girl thing and rather archaic in today’s world, 18 and 21 the cross over point to  respective legal rights. The ones that follow while equally significant, are reminders that we are THANKFULLY getting older. I say thankfully because celebrating another year, being able to complain about more gray hair and wrinkles, beats the hell out of the option.

I  am an autumn baby, I love this time of year. I must confess that as much as I love this time of year, “Sammie” and I shared a text chuckle about how jacked up our birth month usually is for the both of us. It made me feel connected and it made me feel good that I was not the only one who felt happy they had seen another birthday, but couldn’t wait for the month it is celebrated in was gone.

Anticipation, expectation every thing that goes wrong is magnified with the unconscious thought, “and of all days/months this one”. This one being the magical, glorious day/month of your birth. How can that be? I’ll tell you, we are delusional. I know I was/am. For years as a working individual I would make it my business NOT to work on my birthday.why because it was my birthday. You don’t work on your birthday, but if you go back to the actual day your were born on… it was probably a laborious one, Cesarian or natural.

My point is the days we face come as they may, are equally good or bad no matter when they occur. Do they culminate on “our” day… maybe, but that has more to do with our state of mind than what actually is happening. So I say, CELEBRATE absolutely,  but take some of that same joy with you everyday and thank the Almighty that He has allowed you to see, yet another day.

Happy Birthday, “Sammie”! I hope it was… well know what I hope.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , , , , ,
14 Jul 2012

Days of Whine and Lost Libidos

Alright, maybe my sense of humor is slightly demented but I have to go here.

I don’t want to be too personal but this is a personal matter. Do you remember Rod Stewart’s song “Do You Think I’m Sexy?” My peers and I were twenty to twenty-something. If anybody was sexy, we were, at least we thought so. I make that statement simply by virtue of biology and physiology. We still felt the need to have an “air of mystery” about us. Singers and songwriters delivered  romance and love in opposed to pure lust and sex. No matter that this was at the heart of the love and romantic songs. It was softer, nicer, and I for one miss this terribly.

It is being reported that now a new individual is on the rise. The independent, happily single adult. At one point in our recent history the irreverent single man or woman was thought odd. Folks either stayed away from them or felt very sorry for them. However, recent studies are also showing how very lonely some of the unhappily married folks are. It seems that being unhappy in a relationship is quite a bit more lonely than simply not being with someone.

Okay you are in a marriage and you are not happy, but you are committed to the marriage. There are the children to think of, the mortgage, the car; there are too many reasons to stay you have no choice but to stay. This is where the casualties begin to appear.  She is dissatisfied and does not try to spurn his interest, he is disinterested and would rather watch the game. The way her smile used to light up a room, the way he made her feel safe in his arms and the laughter; yet you wonder why your sex life is dwindling or totally diminished.  Clearly, your whine does not come from a bottle.

What of the poor single counterparts? It is not all”wine and roses” for them. What they do not experience is constant company without companionship. Therefore the majority of their alone time is by choice and is purely physical.

One can never feel more alone than when they are lonely. The married couple who live under the same roof, but fail to spend time with each other are NOT together.The same feeling of isolation exists even when you have a significant other, as one feels when there is not, if the couple does not communicate. Perhaps that is why we view these new singles as odd, but more and more their lifestyle may become one more and more people decide can and will work.

I have to remind my fifty-something peers, we are living longer so let’s LIVE! Take a lesson from our younger members of society and don’t be strangled by what your old notions of “what is and what should be”.

On an ending note I found an unlikely light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel; one of my favorite trash reality/ rock stars threw an “old dog a bone”, kudos to you Brett Michaels for your actions on The Bethenny Frankel Show the week of June 2012!

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , | Leave a comment
01 Jul 2012

It’s Not For You To Say

Johnny Mathis had a song, “It’s Not For Me To Say” in the song he sings about how it is not his place to talk about certain things(love of course) at this particular time. Well for the era in which the song was popular our society was attempting to appear more modest and non-controversial. It stands to reason a song like that would be popular. It made it clear the relationship would go along slowly, but at the pace in which his lover felt comfortable with and of course what was proper.

Fast forward, today people seem to take for granted that one will say whatever is on one’s mind. There is a failure to recognize some of the same people you are in relationships with were raised by or exposed to the generation which lived a sheltered life. My psyche is held captive by what I was exposed to, and no matter how hard I attempt to be as society is presently, my hesitations come from that which was all to familiar to me during my formative years.

Upon further investigation I found that people find it very easy or palatable to be able to render judgment upon themselves in a positive light and if they are fortunate enough to be in a close relationship with an individual who has adopted some of the same philosophies that I carry with me, “they” are home free. I am not saying the neither “I” or another person who thinks like I do on these subjects are push-overs. I am merely pointing out there are some areas that you are probably getting a pass on  a particular behavior you possess.

Think about it ho many times do you think, “I haven’t been a particularly good spouse in relation to _____” or “My  parenting skills could use a bit more _______ ” or “I bet my parents would like to see me do ________”. Be honest we all can convince ourselves we are the best we can be, and if the individual who should truly be the barometer for this remains silent it is that much more simple. However, are you really being truthful and upfront with self here? This is the place where it is for you consult and confer with the other party(ies), question is will you.

Relationships have certain obligations attached to them and if you are in one you are therefore obliged. Since this is the case I will task each of us; every-so-often ask if you are truly being a good”whatever”, don’t be combative or defensive look at this as a fact finding exercise. On the part of the other individual of whom you are in a relationship with;  everyone is entitled to honesty, you don’t have to be nasty though. With cards on the table no one can say, “I didn’t know, why didn’t you tell me, or ” I should not have to ask/tell, but I will”.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

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