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It’s Just The Principle

Wow, what does that statement really mean to you? I want this one to make you laugh a little and NOT take yourself so seriously. Come with me for a visit to an internet social community, specifically, my Facebook account.

If you have an account with Facebook or a similar website you can probably relate. Let me first say, I enjoy it. When I first signed on almost two years ago, it was simply something to do and I can say it is still just that today. It has evolved though.

My early dealings, was at obsession level. I had a complete ball on this site. I ran into a number of people from my past, I reconnected with family. The great thing was the ability to control connections. If you saw someone you knew and wanted to be in touch with you had the option of requesting friendship, just like if you found someone you knew and did not necessarily want to be in contact with you could simply move on. People from “outer-cyberspace” were requesting friendships, I was selective in accepting these unknowns. I applied what I felt were the proper filters  and went from there. I avoided what I deemed to be “collectors” and I have kept my “friend” list to a small semi-intimate group of people that I regularly interact with, at the very least I/we say Hi, Happy Birthday, etc. to one another.

I laugh as I recall my friends speak about their first connections; after all this is a vehicle of our children, we just hopped in and rode anyway. I have become reacquainted with people who were so young the last time I saw them, my memory of them could more closely linked to the offspring of my own children. There have been the numerous privacy irregularities we have navigated through and pointless entertaining games. People have deactivated their accounts for one reason or the other, sometimes permanently other times to clear their heads and manage their free time better. Overall, Facebook has been a positive experience.

Now no piece would be complete without a visit to the dark side and trust me this is minuscule, but today I lost a” friend” on Facebook. I cannot tell you why, I don’t know what I did or even if I did anything. I have to say this “friend” was initially treated the same as all of my other Facebook “friends”. However, through deed and lack of contact this person had been placed in a status where there was very limited contact available. No pictures were accessible, there was no ability to comment on my posts or even to see my posts, my profile was visible as I make it for the unknowns in the Facebook world and I did not allow the posts of this same individual to be seen on my wall.  Today I discovered that I not only had been deleted as this person’s friend but had been blocked! My first thought was , “The nerve…” and there were other superlatives involved.

As ridiculous as this may seem, even to me, it was simply the principle of it. For all intent and purpose I had deleted this individual, yet when an overt act denied me the ability to do the very same thing I felt insulted and disrespected. I searched for an explanation and there is an easy one; for whatever my former “friends” true motive(s), a position was taken and a stand was made. I cannot say a lot positive about this person’s character accept the obvious, my former “friend” was not indecisive and did exactly what I should have done over a year and a half ago with absolution.  Instead I hesitated.

For future references don’t wait for things to happen because they will. If you feel strongly enough about something that you make semi-aggressive moves, be what you are dancing around. If it is just the principle stand by that principle.

Warm Cookies and Milk

I grew up with fine cooks in my life; my maternal grandmother was a wonderful cook, my eldest aunt on my father’s side was the ultimate cook, and then there is my Mom. It is unfortunate that cooking now isn’t as important as it was when we were growing up. Busy schedules and the availability of fast food has turned it into a somewhat lost art. Come back with me into the kitchen; climb up onto the stool and see that beloved individual in your life create and/or teach you one of the fine foods that will for years to come, bring back memories that can and will be ignited by a fleeting thought.

Sunlight filtered into my bedroom and the aroma crept up. At first I simply rolled over, then my eyes opened and I sat straight up. In a semi-trance I made my way to the kitchen. Ahhh fresh rolls. My maternal grandmother made the best little bite sized rolls you could imagine. I remember helping her, but I never quite got the hang of it. Instead I am happy to be the cake baker of the family.

As amazing as it is, we don’t really think about how smells, fragrances, aromas act as a time machine for us. I realize it only because I am so far away from the familiar terrain I grew up in and around.  I didn’t know where this was going when my friend told me a story and sparked the writing bug. The title came fast and the rest just lingered on with nothing really inspired to talk about.  It was, after all, her memory and she relayed the story so well. I was trying to gather something from a similar experience, so that I could do her memory justice . Perhaps that was my mistake I was trying too hard.  I could not do her story justice because it was her story, and even though she gave it to me as a starting point it still belonged to her. I cannot touch the feeling she relayed to me from her mind’s eye. I just know I was right there in the room with my friend and her mother tasting those cookies.

Then I saw a photograph of another friend from childhood with her beautiful little granddaughters on the playground. The baby was bundled up, her big sister looking on showing off baby sister, and my friend glowing with pride. I could smell the cool, dew drenched Southern California mornings. I felt the chill in the air and I went back to grandma’s kitchen.  I saw her cutting out the little delicacies and I tasted the buttery delight of them. This segued to my first mornings with my new baby sons, decades flew past like the pages of a book in a mild breeze. Then I knew my warm cookies and milk memory was simply my family, my friends, and their faces. Ignited by one sense, but crescendoed by another.

You Hurt My Feelings and I AM MAD!

What gives someone the right to do this to you? Sometimes it is intentional, sometimes it is not. If the first occurs you have “Carte Blanc” in your dealings with them. However, what about the other? How do you address your feelings when it is very possible the perpetrator has no idea about what they have done.

This was an easy one for me of sorts, because  at the time I started I was in that state.  I wanted to cuss and cry at the same time. It seems as though I am experiencing this more than I care to of late.  I look to self first, am I being just too sensitive? Is it the other way around?

In dealing with hurt feelings you have to guard against perhaps putting other issues in where they normally would not enter.  Anger often enters and it truly distorts vantage points. Dealing with one wound you are already sensitive, it is understandable why another one could easily happen. If you slow down, don’t react immediately, and give yourself a chance to really look at what is going on, you may just find the answer you were searching for.

I was quite motivated when I began this piece, but fortunately I did what I am suggesting. Otherwise I cannot say, nor imagine what may have been written here. Sometimes we want to be the victim, sometimes we want to be damaged, it gives us an excuse for our behavior. One must note having what is deemed as an excuse does not always justify ones actions. I suggest you tread lightly because you are not immune to these same feelings, the pain and heartache you save may be your own.

End:Closures

Sometimes things have to end badly or they wouldn’t end… I cannot remember when or where I first heard that, but I think there is a great deal of truth to that statement.

We want the ride to be longer, the concert to have one more song, our vacation to last just one more day….I think of a movie that I am particularly fond of “Groundhog Day”. Whether the main character wanted the day to end or not, it just wouldn’t. The writers played with that situation well; first the disbelief, then the need to escape, followed by the need to control things. The character found a way to capitalize off of his predicament, but what did he really learn.

The natural order of things dictates a beginning, a middle, and an end. When it is good we don’t want it to end , but when it is what we deem to be bad we can hardly wait for it to be over. Honestly, everything is going to end and a stopping point is very important.

It seems the television media learned all of this regarding “ends” first. Can you recall how series used to go on and on until the ratings fell off and the network was forced to pull the plug? Now when a series is created there are or at least seem to be set time periods. Even if it is a success, the series has been predetermined to run “x” amount of years. This make sense kids grow up on television, people move in and out of lives. If television is to mirror life it has to be realistic on some vein.

I am reminded of a song, “Stop To Start” by Blue Magic.  At every end awaits a new beginning. We look forward to that beginning but the end…. not normally the case. Circumstance always weighs in heavily of course. Comfort levels, decorum, and tact have to be of concern. Sometimes our attempts to soften blows backfire and explode in our faces. I suggest that you seek balance.

Therefore in those time of uncomfortable “ends” or your desperately sought after “closures” reflect upon this.  Just as I am reminded of church and scripture here in this piece, not planned simply appropriate. John 16:33 It is in regards to our relationship with God and our dealings in life. It speaks of how the Lord never promised us that life would be easy, but only that He would never leave us alone. I feel confident that surviving a mere phase or cycle that is part of life, can be dealt with gracefully.