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Motivated by a lack of material.

01 Jul 2012

Body Image

In our ever changing, ever evolving selves we are probably beginning to come to grips with the physiological transformations which have begun.

When we were young when a model named ‘Twiggy” came on the scene we realized being heavy was not something we wanted to be. Kate Moss and the waif look may be more familiar, for she was a product of the 90’s when we were well into our adulthood.  I am not going to let the guys get away”scott-free” here; think back to the hairy chested mustached idols Tom Sellac, Fred Williamson types or the “Miami Vice” generation, where not wearing socks and sporting pastels was cool for a man. However, the main point here is our society is “looks-conscious” and whatever”flavor-of-the-month” look is popular “we” fall victim to  the fashion that best suits “them”.  Heaven help us if our body does not work with that fashion.

In the parts of our country where seasons change, we are afforded an opportunity to hide ourselves for a few months, given the chance to tone and thin our bodies out in time for the skin revealing seasons to come. The problem is we generally do not use our cover up periods wisely. Instead we pile on the food, calories, and fat right in line with hybernating habits. Then we wonder why we cannot fit into last years’ shorts.

There is always the “moo-moo” for the ladies, guys you are stuck with “DGAF” fashions; no where to hide and I must add there are some ladies who will adopt this mindset as well, Star Jones and Monique ushered this  era in with a vengeance so…. what to do?Too thin or too heavy both come complete with health risks, and ultimately healthy is what we want to be. Yes we want to look in the mirror and see that rock hard body or at the very least the thin  sleek figure from our pasts, but what price are we willing to pay? Plus in a society that exists on instant gratification, how long are we willing to wait to attain the goals? There is surgery and  the starvation diet, there is also acceptance of who we are and what our bodies look like now. Are you happy or do you want to implement change?

Say good-bye to the milkshake and french fry diet of old, embrace the spinach, fresh salad, and green drink as today’s reality. Know that exercise and stretching needs to become a part of your daily routine. Smile when you think of how much longer our generation is living and how much more healthy and vibrant we are, just don’t forget we must put in hours of work, planning meals, etc. to maintain the gifts we have been given.

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01 Jul 2012

Doing Things You Just Don’t Want To Do…Still

Doing things you just don’t want to do…Still .What a prospect, what an observance.

Remember when you were a kid, it seemed everyone was telling you what to do. Every adult in your life, every older kid, in your world in your mind everyone. Did you hate it as much as I did, did those word, ” I’ll be so glad when I grow up….” and I will not finish the sentence because you can fill it in for yourself. The trouble is at the time as now one did not realize that the mere fact that you were grown up was not going to fix the dilemma.

As all of us do, I have a vice or two. I battle with these vices from a worldly and Christian standpoint. My faith would tell me to rise above these evil weaknesses. Yet, the worldly being says otherwise. The fact that the vices are a part of me tells me I have not quiet achieved the desired result, my sought after station in my beliefs. However, I handle my vices so that they do not handle and dictate me.

There I was exhausted, feed-up, angry. I wasn’t able to sleep, because I do not know how to relax. The one alcoholic beverage I do enjoy the taste of sits atop my bar. I wanted to do a piece and name it in honor of that beverage. I had a catchy title too, but I did not want to take that drink. My favorite drink, my vice would not be something I indulged in when I did not feel good. There have been more than one occasion over the past few years that have made me think about it, but up until today I held my ground. I took that one drink and at first it was rather nasty, then I decided to use it as I wrote. For as much as I want to say I did something I did not want to do( drink when I was feeling bad) I also did something I wanted to do( I wanted to take that shot of tequila).  I did not drink it in hopes of feeling better, I did not take it to solve my problems, I did not take it so I could forget or at least cope, I drank that tequila because I like the way tequila tastes and I had some available to taste.

The next time I am wallowing in how much I dislike doing things I don’t want to do, I will remind myself that there are a few things I do because I do in fact want to, and sometimes I distort and disguise them to look like they are “my crosses to bear”.

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01 Jul 2012

What’s In A Name?

The first thing that identifies you, how you connect and recognize the persons in your life. Do you like your name do you know what it’s origin is, do you know how it came to be yours? Have you ever asked yourself, what does it all mean?

I never liked my name. Growing up I was teased about my name. Throughout school year after school year I had the familiar rhyming song ringing in my head. I longed to have the pretty, simple, common names the other girls had. I believe I was an entirely too serious child, for if I had not been I would have shaken off the teasing. I would not have internalized the hurt I felt, but I did. The crazy thing is one morning not so long ago I realized the silly little song should not have hurt my feelings so badly, I should have not just ignored what was being said for it clearly had no basis in fact.  I should have asked the question that changed the way I felt about my name and even if I was not able to explain it in a manner that would stop you in your tracks, I would have possessed the confidence that would not have allowed the hurt to penetrate. I even had to laugh at myself for allowing that song to shape the way I approached so many things.

Given the horror(I am being facetious) that was synonymous with my name. When I really examined it the worse thing about it was that it was a name that could be considered “old”. Nothing could be worse than to be a young girl with an old woman’s name and a name that a rhyme could be associated with…. I lived out my school years carrying that name. My family and people who were close to me only knew me by that name. One day after a particularly  difficult experience I told my father I was going to change my name as soon as I was old enough. I hated my name so, I asked him who had named me and why?

Years later I wanted to make sure I did not give my children names that would allow them to be made fun of or have names that made them feel bad for any reason.  Living through eras where children were named for fruit, planets and combinations of words that the very folks who name them cannot explain and/or oftentimes spell. I could never forget what I had gone through for all those years.  Yet, I know everyone does not hate their name. Some people are actually happy with the name that says”This is who I am”. I wanted to caution the child-bearing individuals about the label they attach to their little ones. Stop yourselves and think it through. In present times we are able to know what the sex of our children will be long before they arrive. Therefore give yourself all of that time to work on and work through what you want the world to think of when they hear your precious baby’s name and the reason you gave them that particular name.

Presentation can truly make a difference. My name, the name that I could only associate with being old, the name that allowed my classmates to  create a mindless rhyme that haunted me all through school, the name I WAS going to change, was given to me by a man I had nothing but love and respect for, MY FATHER. My name was from biblical times and described a fragrant beautiful flowering tree. It was s said to be held sacred to Venus, an emblem of love. My father named me for three ladies he had nothing but respect and admiration for. It was his way of saying to them, this is my precious baby who I love with all of my heart and there is nothing that would give me more joy than for her to bear your name and follow in your footsteps. I never changed my name as I told him I would when I was old enough.

When you name your children I hope you are able to tell them something as wonderful as my story about their names. Tell them early in their lives and tell them often so they never forget.

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08 Jun 2012
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Ooooooh Weeeee Moments

Angrily, I left the grocery store. I am at wits end. There is so much built-up inside of me I could burst. I am feeling a little sorry for myself, the self-proclaimed martyr, when I look up and see one of the grocery checkers riding one of the shopping carts to the resting spot, so he could collect them and return them to the inside of the store. I could not take my eyes off of him, and I smiled. The only thing missing from this scene was the sound that was undoubtedly being silenced with extraordinary control. OOOOH WEEEEE! The night was a bit cool, way unusual for June in Georgia. The lights of the parking lot gave off a fluorescent blue hue to all of the cars and it was quiet, not silent for there were sounds of the road above the lot and faint voices. I took a deep breath and still smiling I went to my car.

Every-so-often we all need a shopping cart ride or to spin around in a circle, to remind us that one of the wonders of life is that it doesn’t always take something monumental to make us feel good, but feeling good is monumental.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , ,
08 Jun 2012

Can We Connect

40 years flew passed me today. I found a couple of friends from my childhood. Wonderful Social Media. Much like you cannot go home, revisiting people who were in your life can be a difficult road to travel.

I was so excited to find them, but it seemed my enthusiasm was not shared. The connection was accepted but beyond that…. well it remained to be seen.

I have an idea of what should happen when we connect with folks, or how about this, what I/we think should happen. Suddenly, I realized that what this was really about. ME. Yes, once again I had taken a situation and turned it into a personal opportunity to illuminate myself. As noted, the statement was “once again”. This is obviously a reoccurring issue with me and it got me thinking.

I thought about the way people in the “limelight” sometimes have a problem with returning to a normal life. A life where no one recognizes them, a life where thousands of fans aren’t screaming for them. Is it possible that we as everyday people long for the “limelight” of our worlds as well?

My mother told me over the years how my favorite aunt (who was actually her aunt) said when I was a small child(less than 4) that I was going to be an entertainer, because I loved to talk. What did Aunt Sis see? What  gave her insight to a  person that I often deny, that many would question the very existence of? Yet, she is there and the more I ignore her, the more she does things whether they are good or bad to bring the “limelight” to her. She does not give up or give in. She has put me in some bad positions over the years, because I have not paid attention to her. You might ask how could you live with someone for so long and not acknowledge or even recognize  them. I don’t have a logical answer, but I do know it is the case with me.

Now that I have seen and realize the “scene stealer” is in me; I can return to a couple of places I recently visited and possibly avoid my seemingly favorite spot, “foot-in-mouth” haven. My connecting with the old friends now comes with the realization these friends, were in fact closer to my sibling so many years ago. Ah yes “I” was not the focal point. Therefore, just because I found them is secondary to “their ” reconnection with their true friend. I needed to be able to see this as not being an oversight or being slighted, but this “I” was an addition. Life is funny, the simplest concepts sometimes still manage to escape us.

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08 Jun 2012
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A Fairy Tale Come True

Who do you know that fits this description. As I look over pages of different friends profiles, I see so many photos. The ladies are beautiful and radiant, the gentlemen are dashing and proud. What a world waiting for them.

I don’t want to burst any bubble here, but I cannot help saying….. take the chloroform away. Our era weddings and marriage was different from our parents. Today there is an ongoing debate about homosexuals being able to marry in our country. I say” who really cares”, but it is not that simple. This is as volatile as the political and religious debates, for it encompasses them both. However, you have to ask yourself WHY.

Who does not dream of an idyllic existence. A life uncomplicated with worry. The right place, the right mate everything as it should be or very close to this. Who are we to deny anyone the right to have this very thing.

Marriage a sacred and holy alliance between a man and a woman. What does this mean to you, what does it mean to “us”. We have grown up during a time period when divorce was whispered about, now approximately 50% of all marriages end in them. No more whispering here.

I go back to those handsome and beautiful smiling faces. They are so full of joy and hope. Why would you want to deny anyone the opportunity to feel those very same things. Keeping human beings from basic needs is a terrible thing to overcome; and the very ones who deprive often end up feeling the results of the same hurt and disappointment they have inflicted, in other ways.

If the bride wears white and the groom wears black, or both brides have on white suits, or the grooms sport matching Hawaiian shirts let everyone have their fairytale moments.  The more happy human there are around, the more happiness there is to go around.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , ,
29 May 2012
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XI-haftakingabreak

Rites of Passage and Milestones; I thought reaching the century mark would be massive for me on my blog. It was an accomplishment, but then I seemed to feel like I needed to give my blog more time. I was working on the book and just working period. There really were not enough hours in the day for me to accomplish anything. As I kept active with the blog, days and weeks passed without me even looking at the book. I had a target date in mind and I certainly could not get to that point without dedicating some of my time to my book. I think my readers can relate. Often times we have to stop and back away from a thing in order to get a good look at what is needed, and what comes next.

Thus, I am starting my break. There are a few things for folks to read or read again until I make a little progress on the book. I would love to have 125 pages written in the book, when I return. That is small in itself, but with 125 blogs done the number seems tangible.

I am feeling lost and apprehensive. I am abandoning that which was familiar to me and it is very difficult. My goal now established, I must venture out and move toward that goal. Time and time management is very important here, I am still “counting” and I will be back. Hopefully with more insight, more accomplished, and more focused. After all, I am only half-way-there.

Posted in Hafwaythroughpoints and tagged , ,
29 May 2012

The “Spoilers”

Inevitably, every season there are one or two teams with horrible records. They near the season’s end and what happens they must play a team with hopes of breaking records and/or chances to make it into the playoffs. Like clockwork they ruin that teams record for the season or eliminate them from the contention. What would we have them do? Just give up. That is not likely when sports, teams, etc. are involved. What happens when it is just individual people?

The individual “spoiler” is not as easy to spot. I venture to say in many cases they are not aware this is who they are. Time and opportunity will identify them, though. They often suffer from “foot-in-mouth” syndrome. The treatment is long and arduous, many aren’t ever cured. I, optimistically, believe there is a fix for the “spoilers”, but it takes a joint effort. The simple solution of course is to eliminate the problem., However, not unlike the sports, team, or even a bad ingredient in a recipe “spoiler”, the simple fix for the individual “spoiler” may not be that simple. People are so multi-facetted, eliminating someone from your life may create another problem. This may be why so many people stay in bad relationships and marriages.

All a”spoiler” needs is someone to bring the good out in them. A strong presence that can neutralize the quality in them that makes things go terribly wrong and/or fail. “Spoilers” need to be reminded that they can ruin something in an effort to be noticed, and if they use a little better judgment favorable results will occur. I listened to my all time favorite singer, Barbra Streisand doing a duet; it does not matter who she was singing with, her angelic voice inspired me here. “Barbra’s voice would complement a bullfrog” one of her many admirers noted. I totally agree. A tall order, but to the “spoilers” find your Barbra and you will be just fine.

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22 May 2012
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Patient’s Patience

To all of the “Angel’s of Mercy”out there, I salute you. There are no others like you upon this Earth.

All of us will be relegated to the spot of patient at some point in time. It is what you demonstrate while you are in that status that counts. A difficult place to be in; sick, tired, in pain. You feel alone, no one understands what you feel. There is the vulnerability and need. As time goes on anger and resentment sets in. These are all understandable, but do you get a free pass? Is it okay to treat the folks who are around you, the folks trying to help and comfort you, badly. I understand that you may not or are very likely NOT aware of what you are doing, but trust me when someone says it to you, it is true.

When you are not a medical professional, you are handicapped in your attempts to help someone who is suffering. Some people are grateful to have someone willing to try to help. Then there are the others who, unwittingly, make it painfully obvious that their would be helpers are inept. This serves little purpose, for you need help and a bad attitude will oftentimes leave you without assistance or with a begrudging helper.

In your pain and illness do not allow yourself to believe that in order for one to be understanding, sympathetic, or helpful they MUST be lying in the bed with you experiencing what you are currently going through with the same degree or exactness as you. You take away the desire to try to help, and possibly leave yourself in the very spot you want to avoid. Two people in the exact same place will see and hear very different things. In having that understanding, patient I beseech you to employ YOUR patience.

As with most everything attitude is everything. It helps the patient in the healing process, it helps the caregiver with a sense of appreciation which motivates. Motivation that is essential for all parties to continue on.

Think of that nurse, who was particularly kind to you, when you were hurting and not so very easy to get along with. Realize she or he was “just doing their job” when they helped you through a rough pain episode. Process in your mind these are trained professionals who absolutely selected this spot they are in, because they felt a little something more than the monetary gain. Think of how very special these nurses are. Then think about the person you have at your disposal. They may not be equipped with a degree, they may not have the intricate medical training, but they are armed with the desire to help. Compassion; don’t run or push them away because you as a patient, cannot draw on a bit of understanding and patience yourself.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , , , ,
21 May 2012

To Tip Or Not To Tip…

I heard a story that upon introduction took me back to an incident that happened to me. Mine was a case of false imprisonment and the funny thing was it was at a local car rental agency. This particular case although similar, from the false imprisonment standpoint, had to do with service at a restaraunt and how we determine who we do and don’t reward for the type of service we receive. If you don’t know, come be enlightened. Personally, I think this is something our younger counter parts should look at more so than us, but there are always exceptions. Therefore, here we go.

I had a group of “colorful friends”. California Girls” through and through.  I am proud to say most of us are still friends, but at the very least we keep in touch with one another. We did our share of restaurant hopping too; and I have to tell you we were very quick to tip, and if the service was bad we dealt with that accordingly.

Well when you visit an eating establishment and there are 6 or more of you, there is generally a little note on the menu informing all patrons of the tipping policy for such instances. Most of us ignore this due to the fact this size of a group is not the norm.  It is with that same thought in mind, that I feel safe in saying most of us have been a part of a group that fits the criterion which makes us aware these special sized groups require a little something extra, the extra being one MUST tip.

Oh how we hate being told what we must do. As seasoned adults we take it in a slightly different manner, but it is generally received the same way. The MUST tip thing doesn’t bother most of us, but upon examination can tip, should tip is very different. Realistically, if the service is good and we have the option, the tipping occurs. If the service is bad and we have the option, the tipping may be slighted. Not what you normally would leave or maybe no tip at all. However, when it is right in front of you in black and white that a gratuity WILL be added to the bill for parties over 5/6 people, your choice has been eliminated once you all sit down.

What to do? It is simple you realize and accept that your meal is 15% higher than on the menu because of the group PERIOD. Service from an individual standpoint is non existent. However, if it is good you still can show your appreciation.  Here the choice is still yours. The other alternative is to walk out before you start that bill.  Realize the establishment HAS the right to refuse service to anyone, and you as a patron have the right to not abide by their rules by simply leaving.

Posted in As Consumers | Leave a comment

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