Motivated by a lack of material.

Doing Things You Just Don’t Want To Do…Still

Doing things you just don’t want to do…Still .What a prospect, what an observance.

Remember when you were a kid, it seemed everyone was telling you what to do. Every adult in your life, every older kid, in your world in your mind everyone. Did you hate it as much as I did, did those word, ” I’ll be so glad when I grow up….” and I will not finish the sentence because you can fill it in for yourself. The trouble is at the time as now one did not realize that the mere fact that you were grown up was not going to fix the dilemma.

As all of us do, I have a vice or two. I battle with these vices from a worldly and Christian standpoint. My faith would tell me to rise above these evil weaknesses. Yet, the worldly being says otherwise. The fact that the vices are a part of me tells me I have not quiet achieved the desired result, my sought after station in my beliefs. However, I handle my vices so that they do not handle and dictate me.

There I was exhausted, feed-up, angry. I wasn’t able to sleep, because I do not know how to relax. The one alcoholic beverage I do enjoy the taste of sits atop my bar. I wanted to do a piece and name it in honor of that beverage. I had a catchy title too, but I did not want to take that drink. My favorite drink, my vice would not be something I indulged in when I did not feel good. There have been more than one occasion over the past few years that have made me think about it, but up until today I held my ground. I took that one drink and at first it was rather nasty, then I decided to use it as I wrote. For as much as I want to say I did something I did not want to do( drink when I was feeling bad) I also did something I wanted to do( I wanted to take that shot of tequila).  I did not drink it in hopes of feeling better, I did not take it to solve my problems, I did not take it so I could forget or at least cope, I drank that tequila because I like the way tequila tastes and I had some available to taste.

The next time I am wallowing in how much I dislike doing things I don’t want to do, I will remind myself that there are a few things I do because I do in fact want to, and sometimes I distort and disguise them to look like they are “my crosses to bear”.


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