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Archive for the tag “wisdom”

29 Mar 2013

“Pipe Dreams”

The sound of crumbling up paper, the image of “Curly Bill” from Tombstone saying, ” I feel greaaat, greaaat”,  followed by him firing off several rounds into the night sky. What does this mean?  Well these are the end results of “pipe dreams”  and I want to touch the subject of them.

Do you know what a “Pipe Dream” is. I am sure at some point in time you have had one, or accused another individual of having one. I imagine most of us deal with the “Pipe Dream” in a metaphoric sense, but this is what prompted me to investigate it further.

Having heard reference made to them since childhood I only equated them with actual dreams; later in life I came to know them as outlandish, far-fetched, or even impossible/improbably fantasies. I did like the sound of the term and since I love words this combination made an indelible mark.

In slight anger and frustration one evening, I decided to look up the origin of this “Pipe Dream”.  I was amused and fulfilled to find the two references that begin this piece were very logically associated with the term, and therefore they were appropriate to use. Short version they are drug induced( particularly associated with opium) fantasies, images, dreams. “Curly Bill’s” display in Tombstone came after he emerged from an Opium Den in the film. The crumpling paper was the sound of lottery tickets being discarded, while not drug induced a strong yearning to make something happen where the likely-hood is ( in my opinion) remote.

Now entertain the possibilities of being lost in either of those two listed scenarios, then imagine being lost in a “Pipe Dream” of your own.

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24 Mar 2013
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Life-cycling Seasons

Seasons

Beginning in the 1980’s I tried my hand at “journaling”. If I look a bit farther back I recall my diary. Awakened by an array of things, I decided to write until sleep or responsibilities of the day forced me to move forward. As luck would have it 45 minutes before the responsibilities were to take over the sleep crept up. However, not before I was able to read back over a couple of my writings. Then it happened and I realized that I live, respond, react to my environment practically the same way every year. How is that possible when life is ever changing? Did this mean I was in a rut, a rut that allowed me to stay there for a good 42 of my 53 years? No way! Happily I will reveal what I did discover and perhaps it will prompt my readers to take into account their own “life-cycling seasons”.

I wrote a letter as archaic as that may sound; writers have use for these tools and methods, because they still feel as though they are in touch with their art this way. This letter was to someone near and dear to me. It was for information and it was confrontational. People who know me personally will NOT be surprised by the tone of the letter I speak of. Yet the letter was never delivered to the intended party. It rests in the archives of my personal e-mail, waiting to be printed  and mailed or simply sent via e-mail.

An entire year passed and one day close to the anniversary of the original letter, unaware of this fact, I sat down and authored a letter to this same special person. I spilled my heart out and spewed a few venomous attacks, after which I decided to save the piece until I had time to print it and prepare it for delivery. When I went to my draft file I found the other letter to this same person dated a year earlier, give or take a few days. It struck me as odd and curiosity got the best of me, with no time to spare as I prepared for work I started to read. I shook my head in amazement, this letter left undelivered contained some of very the same verbiage, with the very same feeling.

I tried to dismiss it as coincidence or not important, but neither was true. I had to take it out and look at it for what it was worth. Facing reality is not always easy, but the truth  was we were in the exact same place because nothing had been really addressed let alone resolved, and not unlike other things around us relationships will stagnate as well. If you continue going through the motions avoiding confrontation, the problem doesn’t go away. It may be covered or overshadowed by something else, but the moment you get to it again you will find it sitting there intact waiting to be dealt with.

lightbulb

Over the course of the next couple of weeks I mulled over “My World”.  Here  is what I found in no particular order; every autumn I feel renewed, during my birthday month I am hopeful but generally disappointed, springtime I fall in love either in actuality or with the memory of it happening, summer months are too hot, winter months are too cold, so when difficulties happen during those particular times of year they seem so much bigger or worse, and Christmastime I return to my childhood complete with wonder and joy.

At 53 I had an outline/blueprint now all I needed was a formula/plan. I bet you have said at one time or another,”If I could only go back..” I submit a realization that on one level or another because of this cycle we live in, we do have an opportunity to go back. For all the fantastic stories, books, and films that give their interpretation of what would happen; I see us continuing to do things the same ways because we are unaware we are redoing and reliving our lives annually. We are not in a rut in the classic sense; we are not insane by the simple definition of doing the same thing the same way expecting a different result. We are victims of circumstance.

Deja vu occurs( I personally think it is more than a feeling); we don’t know how to do things differently, because we have become caught up and we feel safe with what we know.Therefore, if you see yourself in this cyclic pattern, what if that(deja vu) is the reset button? What if when that feeling happens you did not just inhale and wait for it to pass, but you did something/ anything that was completely outside your norm. I am not suggesting you do any thing in particular; I am suggesting you don’t do as I have done by continuing to live in the cycle and not be adventurous enough to jump off every now and then.



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Billiga Resor

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Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , ,
23 Mar 2013

It’s Just Too Easy

I learned or should I see became reacquainted with something I have known for quite some time. This thing was in regards to business and friendship. How quickly and easily that line can be crossed.

My lesson and subject matter falls into the realm of “not mixing business with pleasure”. Now that is a wide open field, so let me narrow it down for you. This is about cheating versus doing things the right way. Let’s concede a couple of things here as we get started, most everyone of us has fallen into each of these categories at one time or another. However, most of us is more comfortable in one area than the other and we individually know what area that is.

Several years ago I was licensed as a real estate agent and thereby introduced to the concept of a fiduciary relationship. This fiduciary relationship was of the utmost importance in this field because misconduct while serving in this capacity was governed by law. Therefore, if you didn’t do the right thing you could end up facing legal consequences. I will NOT tell you that folks do not cross that line, I am simply saying there is a bit more at stake than ones good name.

How about that, one’s good name, or reputation? Fiduciary came to mind because I believe we conduct ourselves in a fashion that fiduciary is implied; whether or not it is stated or proven to be the case, and we are oftentimes very disappointed when we find out otherwise. In our society where we are hungering after dirt and garbage(i.e. media seeking entertainment rather than news) why would something like a reputation be of any concern? Big businesses, small businesses, and even individuals can all be equally unscrupulous; magnitude being the only difference.

We want to feel safe. We want to know there is a place(or person) we can go to and get, without worrying that certain improprieties will NOT occur. Here’s the rude awakening we are avoiding, there is NO WAY TO TELL.  Deceit is everywhere and our naivety makes us easy targets. That disappoints, that hurts, that is reality. The truth is there are very few areas that cannot be likened to shark infested waters, an area that used to be dominated by ironically the legal field.

This is not being harsh, but again simply being real.  EXAMPLE: If you work for an accountant you stand as good a chance with a stranger handling your tax needs, as you do going to your employer. A family member in law enforcement is as likely to give you a ticket as the officer patrolling local streets. I don’t even need to broach the subject of attorney’s we ALL have stories an example. The problem now is the legal  profession is not alone. “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer” comes to mind; but what do you do when they are looking and behaving the same? Understand this is the way “they” get in, the window of opportunity is open and we not only opened it we invited “them” in.

Therefore, you must safeguard yourself and take nothing for granted. Every business transaction should be treated accordingly; do not mistake a smiling face and/or cordial greeting as an indicator of the end result of that same business transaction. One who exercises good manners and decorum should not be used as a barometer as to what one can expect from that same businessperson.

I will end with a touch of levity here; as letter carriers my case-partners and I used to characterize our treatment at times by our employer and/or supervisors with “if you’re gonna screw me then at least give me a kiss”. Nowadays think of your business transactions from the standpoint of, if you are getting a kiss you are probably being screwed.

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22 Mar 2013
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Sleeping With Anger and Arrogance

What a combination. Add a side of frustration and the recipe is complete. Yes it is complete, but who wants any part of it? Certainly no one who is in their right mind. Sitting around marinating in ones own emotional firestorm is not healthy, especially if it is a negative firestorm.

The intent here was to present two sides from two individual positions, but that did not happen. Sometimes writing takes on a life of its own and the words write themselves. In general, the writing here on my blog is outside observations which have my personal stamp on them because I am the writer. Other times I have to stop because it seems my personal stamp is covering the entire writing. I hope I can successfully turn this generic so publishing it will not seem like a mistake. At the very least my hope is it hits a chord that  gives a sense of “common ground”.

Have you ever watched someone sleep, or awakened to realize the one you were sleeping with was watching you? It is a disarming feeling isn’t it. You want to feel good about it because certainly you would not put yourself in such a vulnerable state with someone who meant you harm. However, the contrary may be the truth.

Think about saying your prayers at night. They are as much ritual as they are anything; but then if your implement a bit of hindsight you REALIZE that not only should you thank the Lord for waking you to see another day, but for protecting you through the night, through your sleep, through your most vulnerable time.

What made the anger appear? Why wouldn’t the arrogance succumb, so that the apology could soften the blows? However, with this arrogance there is no room to be humble. This fuels the anger that resides nearby. They are in the “throws” of a vicious cycle. My friend tells me, “I don’t want to hear any regrets”.  I arrogantly say,” oh there will be none”. What does she know, what does she foresee? Wait, I’m supposed to be angry…and I am just that.

Then to add insult to injury you wake up with one more frown line in your face, or one more headache. Perhaps you don’t wake up, because you were unable to sleep at all and this is cause for wonder…Really.  This is no way to live. Problems are resolved by getting them out there, and talking about them. They will not simply go way if you ignore them, certainly not at this level. Therefore, talk it out and don’t go to sleep with these two elements hanging over you head. It does not make for a restful night.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , ,
15 Mar 2013
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Dancin With The Devil

Waking from a pretty fantastic sleep this thought/portion of a quote occurred to me. I was not happy for I am not wanting to be awakened, and certainly not with such a dubious thought.  Well needless to say I could not go back to sleep and I said,” Well this will be an interesting subject matter to address”.

Several variations came to my mind, the quote of Max California in 8mm, the Nietzche quote regarding “the abyss” morphed into “What if you danced with the devil and the devil looked like you”. Honestly, I have no idea what that  last quote means or where it came from; only my interpretation was something to do with self righteousness and becoming that which you despise. Then I began to ponder things, and I cannot say I was completely thrilled with the results when it came to me.

Have you ever set a “trap” or made plans for someone else and found yourself right in the throws of things yourself? I know my answer. At these time the realization that we human beings are but victims of the cliche’s we try so hard to avoid saying aloud, comes crashing through. Upon further investigation or observation we  come face-to-face with the fact that, we live those very same cliche’s. Denial is simply our way of dealing with this truth.

For decades I put myself in a toxic environment. I did this knowingly and without reservation. In arrogance or stupidity I convinced myself it would NOT rub off on me. One day a midst a dastardly deed, it crossed my mind that I was as foul as the individuals around me. I quickly dismissed the thought and this helped me convince myself I was nothing like “them”.

In the beginning that may have been true, but year after year of exposure to such an environmental wasteland you learn to adjust and adapt, rather than trying to improve or escape the surroundings. Before the ultimate fall I caught a glimpse of my assassin and she had a strangely familiar face.

When the voice of reason tells you to stop and look at what you are doing or what you are becoming,  STOP and take note. There may still be hope and time for you to make the change. If you don’t, well there is nothing like waking to the image of your “evil twin” hovering over you with something designed to destroy you, and knowing that same “evil twin” will derive nothing but pleasure out of doing just that. Now who shall you blame?

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , ,
12 Mar 2013

Say It Like You Believe It

In the throws of crisis, when you haven’t the answer or you don’t know where to turn; what do you do? Well for those of us who have faith, the answer is simple. We all know exactly what we need to do, the problem is do we actually “practice what we preach”.

All of us have been there, in these places that challenge our very being. Things get difficult and at first you are steadfast, but as time continues with no relief in sight YOUR strength is under attack you begin to falter.  We are weak and must realize that we cannot always do it alone. Depending on where you are in your journey with your faith there are”booster shots” available. The trouble with that is generally shots hurt a bit, if nothing more than a sting and in your weakened state even a sting can seem unreasonable, as though you cannot take anymore pain or discomfort.

The truth is you will endure and survive this your current trial or test as you have ones before.  It is the way you will get past this particular one, that you question. Just as the pain or discomfort from the shot dissipates, and the medicine needed begins to make you feel better. My experience has been during these times you have to realize your faith has some partners you must keep with you; they are bravery and trust. All the strength in the world is meaningless if you are unable or unwilling to come forth and show your strength. Your faith cannot sustain itself without trust in a time when you are being tested.

Finally knowing these things are simply not enough; you have to say it to yourself and say it to others like you believe it, but more than saying it you have to actually mean it.

Posted in Ecumenically Speaking and tagged , , | Leave a comment
05 Mar 2013
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Of Course It Is Noticed

Remember the first time she let you kiss her, or the first time he called you? These things are becoming increasingly passe’, however the feelings attached to them are not. Technology has made us strange and cold. People connect in the most distant and unattached manner. I used to look at my sons with disdain for not leaving a message when they got someone’s answering machine, but the youth of today would rather text than talk.

Under the guise of not having enough time for “this or that” we convince ourselves these disconnects are productive and we can get back to the human side later. The problem is if you let the human side alone for to long it suffers, becomes afraid, and departs. Like the texts that begin without a greeting, thrive for a little while and then drop off and disappear without warning. You see it happening, but have a built in repellent that makes everything okay.

Now she pulls away when you try to touch her, now he is far too busy to call to let you know he is thinking about you let alone running late. At first the changes are subtle, maybe excusable or explainable, then they become blatantly and angrily apparent,  finally they are as a-matter-of-factly commonplace and ignored. Here in this place of seemingly no change, the biggest change is taking place. Silent planning is going on and there is no sense of it in the conscious state.

The subtle changes take over as he sits at the dinner table with her and doesn’t hear a word she is saying, but doesn’t notice she is not saying a word. Flirty smiles from co-workers and kind words from strangers occupy a place in their respective psyche’s that would have otherwise been dismissed. Why, because of the disconnect.

Special people do not need to  mechanically hear they are special everyday; what they do need to hear it/ see it/ feel it  regularly enough that it does not become commonplace, and they are comforted enough by it’s presence that they know it is there without the reminders. When you demonstrate the way you feel do it in a manner that lets them (the ones you love and care for) know they were not an after-thought, but an ongoing existence in your heart and mind.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , ,
01 Mar 2013
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Everything Has Shifted

The things that I thought worked no longer did. This was not a good look for me.  It was tight where it should be lose, lose where it should be tight, and the color was all wrong. I quickly put a towel around myself. Gravity and time, you gotta love them.

Go on and laugh, because I know you already are. My longtime friend says she has a” DGAF attitude“, do your research on that one. Of course she still can sport a bikini on the beach, and no one would be able to say anything but “WOW”. That is something I do admire. We are oftentimes our own worse critics, then other times we don’t critique ourselves enough.

About a month ago I watched a special on one of the reputable cable channels, cannot recall which one and now I have difficulty in deciding which one(s) qualify as reputable, about a particular plastic surgery that young women are now having. Now we all are very aware that you can have just about anything on your body fixed/modified/altered/improved, but this one made me really mad.

I watched as the young woman’s mother tearfully explained that she would do anything for her daughter and that this was going to make her happy…”Happy”, I thought, ” this is just glorified mutilation”. This surgery is a bit more risky than a” simple” rhinoplasty, although the long term results are similar. It may improve or modify the appearance, but has little or nothing to do with the function. At the risk of sounding too provincial, one has to think who is really going to see the results anyway? Furthermore, these surgeries are still considered unproven by the ACOG.

I remember that campaign in the 1990 that revealed FGM  oh-so-well.  Young women from African nations and Islamic cultures telling the horror stories of primitive tools cutting and tearing at their flesh, loved ones or just other women who died as a result of this type of ritual. Now here we are the nation of “beautiful people” succumbing to the idea, once again, our bodies need tweeking. Do you ladies remember what our dolls used to look like when their clothes were removed? Why are we trying to look like molded plastic.

We are so easily manipulated into believing what is popular is what is right. The mainstream dictates to us, right or wrong. During the Renaissance Age people(especially women) were portrayed and envied for being heavy. Countless painting depict semi-nude or nude women frolicking about in forest smiling, we gain a pound or look at a part of our body that is meant to be fleshy and we are suicidal. Factor in perceptions as to what does/does not look good, what is too big/too much, and you have someone guided by emotion instead of knowledge on a matter that concerns health and well-being.  So it is true everything has shifted; our bodies, our ideas and our ideals. It is fine to want to make improvements on oneself, but try not to carry it to the extreme.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , ,
21 Feb 2013
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Why Won’t You Comb Your Hair!!!!!

Okay I am not a basketball fan but I saw a photo of a certain NBA player posted on my “FACEBOOK” wall, and I had to address this. He looked a “hot mess”. What happened to the days when men tried to look neat, presentable, let alone good?

I have to say it; you all overall, are better looking than the men of old. You have more available to you; more money, more products, more nutrition, why is it unreasonable to expect MORE of YOU! When the “natural” or “afro” was popular in the 1970’s men who were fortunate enough to sport that hair made sure it was clean, neat, and trimmed.  What happened?

I am not letting the straight haired fellows get away with this either. That “grungy”stringy-haired, bearded look is as unflattering on you as it is on castaway lost on a deserted island without the ability to shave and comb their hair, but at least being stranded gives a legitimate excuse.

People in the “limelight” are a big part of this problem. Athletes coming off the field hair all over their heads and faces, musicians sweaty and unkempt; but hey this is generally what you see right after they have finished doing what they get paid to do, playing ball or performing. Operative term being “get paid”.

Grooming is important. Many young people wonder why it is hard to get a job, but there are some basics that will stand the test of time. First impressions last. You MUST always put your best foot forward. I understand and respect your need to be an individual and unique, but not at the risk of sacrificing a livelihood for it. No one wants to hire a person who looks like they have no concept of what being neat is about. This segues into being unorganized and unreliable, Definitely qualities NOT sought after by Fortune 500 companies or any other company for that matter.

You send a message about yourself without saying a word.  Albert Einstein  was notably a genius, but he will forever be remembered for his brilliance with an addendum, his WEIRD looking hair. Dr Cornell West( mixed opinions must be noted here) brilliant professor, but you would be lying if you said his hair and beard did not catch your eye. Point being this look doesn’t work on the older guys either. Double Standard Alert; loads of hair on the head of a woman is desirable and envied, loads of hair on the head of a man suggests uncontrollable and wild.

We say, You can’t judge a book by it’s cover”, but more often than not when it comes to people we do just that. We let the exterior appearance guide us. You are never going to be exactly what everyone expects you to be, there is no accounting for taste.  However, let me point this out to you there is a vast difference in having long hair that may get out of place during the day, and hair that was never combed in place to begin with.  There is a clear difference in growing a beard and being to lazy to shave. You are fooling NO ONE!!  These afore mentioned things tell the world you face ; “I don’t care what you think” and “I am lazy”. Two statements that I can pretty-much guarantee will keep you unemployed and probably alone. I have yet to hear a woman say, “OH did you see that one with the unshaven face, hair all over his head, tee shirt, and ripped jeans.. that’s a man after my own heart.” No offer of employment will say, “Are you defiant, do you think only YOUR opinions count, is unpredictable a fair assessment of your being, then you are the employee we are looking for.”

Lenny Kravitz, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, Jimmy Hendrix, Kurt Cobain; no one would pay attention to their mere appearance now knowing the talent that rests within them, but we all did have to get to know them first. On your individual journey to greatness, stop by a mirror and make a few adjustments before you go off and make history.

Posted in How We Relate, Order of Appearance and tagged , , , , ,
20 Feb 2013

“Pity-Party” For One

Face it, at one point in time or another you have  been the guest of honor at one of these.  When you are told “it’s all in your mind”, no truer words could have been spoken in reference to the “pity-party”. For not only does it take up considerable time, it occupies a bit of space in your life as well.

In the process of being in this down state you not only throw yourself into that whirlpool, but you drag others close to you along for the ride. More of the same. This is a catch 22 , for when I could be most effective in writing this, I am battling to get out of this state and when I am in a good, positive mood I really do NOT want to revisit this time-period.

On a bright-sun-filled late winter/early spring day. I am going to take you there if you are not already, and I am gonna try to take you away from there if you are.

It was a whirlwind romance, you couldn’t have scripted it better then it ends without warning. You spend countless hours,days and weeks go by because YOU cannot figure out what went wrong.   Everything falls into place, you like the same foods, your tastes in music flows so well it is symphonic, you mutually agree to take it slow, but in reality you aren’t because this feels right OR you’ll be damned if anyone can resist you… then out of the blue she is in a relationship with someone else.

Face it folks there are people who” just get you”. Some are well meaning, some are not. When we gel and sync with another someone we call it Chemistry, when in fact what it might be is a simple chemical reaction. You may complete a lab, but that does not mean you will pass the course. Our society makes it seem as though there is a guidebook to finding a “soul-mate”. We want to believe it therefore it is so. However, such a guide is as make-believe as the fairy-tales it tries to direct you to.

My suggestion is to abandon that place you are in and go find a real party, a real place with real people. You would probably be surprised at how many others just left a place that is similar to the one you escaped from. Remember all of us attend these “pity-parties” occasionally, the difference is how long you chose to stay.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , | Leave a comment

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