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Archive for the tag “truth”

06 Nov 2012
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An Election To Remember

Every year for the past 12, Lexus has held it’s “December To Remember” Event. It was/is an advertising masterpiece. The holiday style music, the beautiful snowy landscapes, images that have you smelling essence of evergreen Christmas trees and warm vanilla cookies in the kitchen and it all crescendos into the excited, teary eyes realization that someone has gotten damn near the best big ticket present imaginable, if you like that sorta thing. Lexus make me want/ imagine/ believe that one day I too could have the Lexus of my dreams waiting in my snowy driveway, perfectly shoveled clean of course. It doesn’t get any better than that and each time the commercial comes on no matter how hard I try to look away and tell myself, “Lexus is full of it”. My eyes and ears and mind wander or are drawn back to the exact place Lexus wants me to be in. If I had the money, I’d be on a Lexus lot somewhere in Georgia making this MY” December To Remember”.

Needless to say, I believe Lexus’ ad campaign has worked. However, you are probably saying this is a rather lengthy introduction to…. “what is this piece about?” It is about the 2012 Presidential Race. Today is the day when some people will be happy and others not-so-happy. It is not going to be the end of the world, but it will be a new beginning. I take a deep breath as I write this, I have been up since 6 okay 5:50 A.M. I have done everything in my power to stay away from the television and news websites. At this point in time I have been successful but it is not quite 9’o clock in the morning. I, like most of my friends and associates, have work to do. Fortunately, for my state of mind, the schedule is  rather light,  unfortunate for my state of finances though. Nonetheless, I still have time to think. I think back to  a day in November when history was made in this great country of ours. A day when people of color, black people,  sighed a sigh of relief and shed tears of disbelief because a country that had not always been kind to us, a country that had not always been fair to us had a meeting of minds and hearts. A day when a collective cross-sectioned group said, I want this guy to run our nation and I don’t care what he looks like.

I am not a political analyst, I am probably not the most informed individual you will meet. I am passionate though, therefore when I read something or see something on the airways that upsets me, I am more prone to turn it off, close the book on, or move along, than to continue with the prospect I may become incensed. This has not been a clean campaign but I do not think it was the dirtiest either; partially because the President’s opponent could NOT drudge up a significant amount of dirt, but mostly because there isn’t any of significance. No one can question Barack Obama’s character, so they question his birth right. No one can question his intelligence, so they question his decision making. No one can question his ability to lead in dire situations, so they try to take credit away from him and give it to someone/anyone but him. President Obama called for change last time, well his opponents are using that battle cry against him now.

It is perplexing and I am perplexed. I guess it can be summed up    as , “you believe what you want to believe”. I have blamed and/or credited this campaign with everything from my departure from a church I thought I loved to loosing clients. I have argued, debated and pleaded with my husband and sons about the rolls of this election, voting in general, and what it all means. In my small family I have a cynic, a bleeding heart, and a radical. My role is to referee these people, while sifting through MY feelings .

This has been a battle, an emotional roller-coaster for many, myself included. Yet in a few hours it will HOPEFULLY be over. I hope and I pray that it goes the way I want it to go. I have to be honest. I want this to end with me felling like I do when I finish watch one of those Lexus commercials. The music faintly playing from another room and you still can recognize this is in fact one of those commercials, but you are still drawn in. I want to feel like,”WOW.. one day, soon, maybe even tomorrow, AT LAST”, this is possible again.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , ,
15 Oct 2012
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So Sensitive

I do not want to be a part of a society that takes itself so serious that it cannot laugh, enjoy, or even relax.

After a two month break I returned to social media and just in time for the Olympics. The wonder displays of physical prowess and excellence. The spirit of National Pride and personal accomplishment come in tune with one another. Yet amiss this wonder we found time to critique so many things that do not count. Fervor over a child’s hair rather than the grace and greatness of which she handles her sport. It was sickening.

A flavor-of-the-week movie phenom caught in the act of infidelity. We are shocked and appalled… really? In their industry it is more the rule than the exception when someone ventures out and cheats.

Now or should I say continuing conflict in the political arena. With a Presidency at stake, we should expect this. A sea of lies and deceptions out of which our leader is going to rise. Question is what do we get when one has to rise from muck?

We get so personal about this figures in the “limelight”, yet what do we really know about them? What do we really want to know about them? That is easy, the ones we are interested in we want to know everything to the tiniest of detail. The ones we are not we simply turn the page, change the channel, or walk past the newspaper/tabloid/magazine.

I don’t want to live in a society where every little thing has to be scripted or scrutinized, but I also don’t want to live in a place where people take for granted being disrespectful is a God-given-right. Most everyone of us has what is called common sense, most all of us say things that are wrong at times, the ones I truly have a problem with are the ones that run and hide behind the guise of innocence or self-righteousness.

The Olympian; I applaud for she demonstrated that she was more than hair before the world. The movie actress; I am not a fan of the type of movies she has gained so much recognition for, so I do not follow her and there are NO expectations. Finally, the Presidential campaign; I have my candidate selected AND WILL VOTE FOR HIM.

Self expression is great when it is accompanied by tact, decorum and honesty.  You should be able to tell a person who suggests you “just be friends”, “No thanks, that’s not what I was looking for with you.” Stand by what you say and do, but also humbly accept the fact their may very well be consequences for doing that very thing. Do not be afraid to tell the truth,  simply think through the words you choose to convey that truth.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , ,
01 Jul 2012

It’s Not For You To Say

Johnny Mathis had a song, “It’s Not For Me To Say” in the song he sings about how it is not his place to talk about certain things(love of course) at this particular time. Well for the era in which the song was popular our society was attempting to appear more modest and non-controversial. It stands to reason a song like that would be popular. It made it clear the relationship would go along slowly, but at the pace in which his lover felt comfortable with and of course what was proper.

Fast forward, today people seem to take for granted that one will say whatever is on one’s mind. There is a failure to recognize some of the same people you are in relationships with were raised by or exposed to the generation which lived a sheltered life. My psyche is held captive by what I was exposed to, and no matter how hard I attempt to be as society is presently, my hesitations come from that which was all to familiar to me during my formative years.

Upon further investigation I found that people find it very easy or palatable to be able to render judgment upon themselves in a positive light and if they are fortunate enough to be in a close relationship with an individual who has adopted some of the same philosophies that I carry with me, “they” are home free. I am not saying the neither “I” or another person who thinks like I do on these subjects are push-overs. I am merely pointing out there are some areas that you are probably getting a pass on  a particular behavior you possess.

Think about it ho many times do you think, “I haven’t been a particularly good spouse in relation to _____” or “My  parenting skills could use a bit more _______ ” or “I bet my parents would like to see me do ________”. Be honest we all can convince ourselves we are the best we can be, and if the individual who should truly be the barometer for this remains silent it is that much more simple. However, are you really being truthful and upfront with self here? This is the place where it is for you consult and confer with the other party(ies), question is will you.

Relationships have certain obligations attached to them and if you are in one you are therefore obliged. Since this is the case I will task each of us; every-so-often ask if you are truly being a good”whatever”, don’t be combative or defensive look at this as a fact finding exercise. On the part of the other individual of whom you are in a relationship with;  everyone is entitled to honesty, you don’t have to be nasty though. With cards on the table no one can say, “I didn’t know, why didn’t you tell me, or ” I should not have to ask/tell, but I will”.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
01 Jul 2012
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On Letting Go

Memories, as we encounter them in a somewhat different fashion now  that we have more and more of them, let’s visit them as they used to be for us.

In a time not so long ago we had a relationship with our hearts and minds that was filled with vim and vigor. You were sharp and on-point. Therefore, things that had occurred were as fresh as if they were happening in the current moment. I am not trying to “date” us but the name of the blog does that already. We went from telephone books and roledexs to data banks. We existed in a time when the cell phones were not readily available and then in what seems like a span of less than five years pre-schoolers had them.  All of our information is a touch away now and we are carting it around with us in a piece of equipment that is becoming increasingly hard for us to read without our spectacles.

At first when I started forgetting things, I brushed it off. I accused my organizational skills or lack there of as the culprit. After all I was the person who had a phone book in her head. I knew my social security number, driver’s license number, and employee i.d. like the back of my hand. Then one day it happened, I wasn’t even being put on the spot by someone standing in front of me asking for an immediate answer, I was filling out paperwork at my leisure and the question was “what is your phone number”. Now you all know the excuses and explanations… ” I never call my own number” yeah that’s true but you do have to give the number out sometimes was  the rebuttal my personal smart-ass shot back to me.

I began the “blame game”, it was technology, it was too many things to do, it was the insufficient hours in the day. I imagine I could have gone on but the last place I summoned and rested at was things used to be so much simpler. I found myself mesmerized and wishing I could go back to when…. Funny, how we never really think we will become our parents.

I discovered the reason I could not return was because I was holding onto something that was long gone. The only thing I had a hold on was what was existing in my head and that was not the best source of information available. Now that I had come to terms with the fact “I” was impeding forward progress what was going to be my  solution. What defense did I have for myself? I had to remind myself and refresh my mind with some pretty convincing facts. While the past held some wonderful memories, the present had some pretty special gifts, and I wanted to be around to see what was in store. I  told myself the best was yet to come, not that this was as good as it gets.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , , ,
01 Jul 2012

Keep This To Yourself

On a gray, cloudy Georgia morning I am feeling about the way it looks outside. This is not unusual, people’s moods often are reflective of their surroundings. Yet during this quiet time I have a chance to think back over some events.

There was a game show once upon  time called “I’ve Gotta Secret”, the object of this game was to guess the contestant’s “secret”: something that is unusual, amazing, embarrassing, or humorous about that person. The show ran from the early 1950’s through 2006 sporadically. It was entertaining and funny to watch. The reason I mention it is because of the irony attached to “secrets”.

By definition in it’s perfect form a secret is something done WITHOUT the knowledge of OTHERS. As always open to different interpretations, the secret has “metamorphosised” into whatever anyone wants at any given time. However, the revealing of anything that is remotely associated with the word secret brings the same response and result.

We all have secrets; but the reality of it is we all generally share secrets, whether they are ours or someone else’s. The word sounds so good, so important, so forbidden and who does not want to be in on something that allows you to feel special, privileged among a unique group?  Not saying these secrets are all bad, but their existence cannot be denied and their revealing can bring about some negative response or reaction if just for the fact they are revealed. Now you have to address betrayal, but who is the one who ultimately betrays. Is it the person you told, who did in fact tell or is the culprit you?

In our society where social media reigns supreme we cannot hope to or even suggest private thoughts when we plaster everything all over our “walls”. Therefore, closing I want to say something that you do not have to “keep to yourself”. Stop wasting your time on negative thoughts.

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08 Jun 2012

Can We Connect

40 years flew passed me today. I found a couple of friends from my childhood. Wonderful Social Media. Much like you cannot go home, revisiting people who were in your life can be a difficult road to travel.

I was so excited to find them, but it seemed my enthusiasm was not shared. The connection was accepted but beyond that…. well it remained to be seen.

I have an idea of what should happen when we connect with folks, or how about this, what I/we think should happen. Suddenly, I realized that what this was really about. ME. Yes, once again I had taken a situation and turned it into a personal opportunity to illuminate myself. As noted, the statement was “once again”. This is obviously a reoccurring issue with me and it got me thinking.

I thought about the way people in the “limelight” sometimes have a problem with returning to a normal life. A life where no one recognizes them, a life where thousands of fans aren’t screaming for them. Is it possible that we as everyday people long for the “limelight” of our worlds as well?

My mother told me over the years how my favorite aunt (who was actually her aunt) said when I was a small child(less than 4) that I was going to be an entertainer, because I loved to talk. What did Aunt Sis see? What  gave her insight to a  person that I often deny, that many would question the very existence of? Yet, she is there and the more I ignore her, the more she does things whether they are good or bad to bring the “limelight” to her. She does not give up or give in. She has put me in some bad positions over the years, because I have not paid attention to her. You might ask how could you live with someone for so long and not acknowledge or even recognize  them. I don’t have a logical answer, but I do know it is the case with me.

Now that I have seen and realize the “scene stealer” is in me; I can return to a couple of places I recently visited and possibly avoid my seemingly favorite spot, “foot-in-mouth” haven. My connecting with the old friends now comes with the realization these friends, were in fact closer to my sibling so many years ago. Ah yes “I” was not the focal point. Therefore, just because I found them is secondary to “their ” reconnection with their true friend. I needed to be able to see this as not being an oversight or being slighted, but this “I” was an addition. Life is funny, the simplest concepts sometimes still manage to escape us.

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22 May 2012
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Patient’s Patience

To all of the “Angel’s of Mercy”out there, I salute you. There are no others like you upon this Earth.

All of us will be relegated to the spot of patient at some point in time. It is what you demonstrate while you are in that status that counts. A difficult place to be in; sick, tired, in pain. You feel alone, no one understands what you feel. There is the vulnerability and need. As time goes on anger and resentment sets in. These are all understandable, but do you get a free pass? Is it okay to treat the folks who are around you, the folks trying to help and comfort you, badly. I understand that you may not or are very likely NOT aware of what you are doing, but trust me when someone says it to you, it is true.

When you are not a medical professional, you are handicapped in your attempts to help someone who is suffering. Some people are grateful to have someone willing to try to help. Then there are the others who, unwittingly, make it painfully obvious that their would be helpers are inept. This serves little purpose, for you need help and a bad attitude will oftentimes leave you without assistance or with a begrudging helper.

In your pain and illness do not allow yourself to believe that in order for one to be understanding, sympathetic, or helpful they MUST be lying in the bed with you experiencing what you are currently going through with the same degree or exactness as you. You take away the desire to try to help, and possibly leave yourself in the very spot you want to avoid. Two people in the exact same place will see and hear very different things. In having that understanding, patient I beseech you to employ YOUR patience.

As with most everything attitude is everything. It helps the patient in the healing process, it helps the caregiver with a sense of appreciation which motivates. Motivation that is essential for all parties to continue on.

Think of that nurse, who was particularly kind to you, when you were hurting and not so very easy to get along with. Realize she or he was “just doing their job” when they helped you through a rough pain episode. Process in your mind these are trained professionals who absolutely selected this spot they are in, because they felt a little something more than the monetary gain. Think of how very special these nurses are. Then think about the person you have at your disposal. They may not be equipped with a degree, they may not have the intricate medical training, but they are armed with the desire to help. Compassion; don’t run or push them away because you as a patient, cannot draw on a bit of understanding and patience yourself.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , , , ,
21 May 2012

Cheese-us Cry-us

I do love cheese. I am a semi-lover really. My cheese needs to be on something or served with something for me to fully enjoy it. I cannot say I have often eaten a simple cheese sandwich. I have had my share of grilled cheese sandwiches though.

Recently, I saw a commercial about a  “new”sandwich being served by a national chain restaurant, it took me into a tornado of cheesy fast-food memories. I started with how adding cheese to a sandwich used to(during my adult life recollection) cost anywhere from 5 to 10 cents.I clearly remember rationalizing NOT paying 20 cents for that same cheese especially if the sandwich was going home to be eaten. Now depending on where you are that cost is 50 to 80 cents. Really, for some processed cheese food product high in fat, sodium and ultimately calories.

Honestly, it is not simply the cost we pay for this “food” it is the mindset. Sandwiches and entrees alike are given a whole different classification just because this product is added to it. Look around, there is no escape we even put cheese on desserts. A morning danish, a slice of apple pie or a creamy cannoli, it is there.Wow folks it is JUST cheese. It adds a little flavor but changing the entire eating experience for it’s addition?Wow folks it is JUST cheese. It adds a little flavor, but changing the entire eating experience for it’s addition?

I laughingly tossed out titles with my son: “Say Cheese”, “I’ll have Mine with Cheese”immediately came to mind. However, “Cheese Us Cry Ust” won out because of the phonetic play on words.

The irony of this all hit when I saw and advertisement for a sandwich that highlighted ranch in its name. I thought,” I wonder if they are actually charging more for this sandwich because it now has ranch dressing in opposed to mayonnaise?”  What’s next mustard and ketchup? At the most minor and primitive level the accessories,  the add-ons, the extras are sucking us in. As a cheese lover, I am NOT telling you to stop ordering cheese. I am merely suggesting if we all stopped doing this, perhaps it would discourage the industry from overcharging us for such a minor adjustment and make them think twice about expanding on the idea.

Posted in As Consumers and tagged , | Leave a comment
09 May 2012
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How Long Can You Live With It?

Well I must say we are all far beyond the point of NOT understanding the adage, “You made your bed now lay in it”. Today I had a “huuum moment”.

There have been numerous decisions over the years that I would tactfully avoid saying were not well thought through. More than a decade after one of these I find myself periodically questioning whether it was not only well thought through, but perhaps it was wrong. OUCH that one hurt! For as much as I see and recognize the inability of others to admit they are wrong, I have the same condition and it is terminal.

I will not bore you with the details for this would make me have to stop and truly examine this thing again and I really do not want to. I will tell you this, recognition also makes you go back and look at your r’epertoire, because unfortunately there generally isn’t a lone incidence.

The steps are simple. First you have the Accusation; this step will lead you to the spot where you KNOW something more must be done. You may or may not mull it over for a bit, but the next step is rapid and hard hitting. This is the Action; not a lot to say for the fact that you are here means you have made up your mind, right or wrong. Acceptance;  here you say you have done all that is humanly possible and you have no other choice.  Consideration; the back and forth happen here. Arguably this should take place before acceptance, but then we may not be having this discussion at all if it did.  Remorse; this is more of a admission, an admission of mostly YOU are not really happy with the outcome, not necessarily with the incidents that lead up to this outcome.

I leave you with “what if I was wrong” to ponder. The next step is even more difficult to face,” what do I do now“.  Along with the topic here, I would say there is a bit of soul searching you have to do. You can work on this now or you can do what I have done more than one time, put it on the “back-burner”. However, I must caution you “it” will come back again until you truly have resolve.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , , , ,
28 Apr 2012
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“They’re Just People”

If I never remember anything else about the film And Justice for All I  will always remember the hurt in Al Pacino’s voice as he said that line, to his fellow attorney and friend who had under the guise of helping, had inadvertently and indirectly caused Al’s client to kill himself.

I listen to people randomly rant what they believe to be logic, applying absolutes to situations that absolutes clearly cannot be applied to. So much can be said for the adage”walk a mile in his shoes”. Until it hits you in your heart you may be able to trick yourself into believing, what you think now would be the same if a loved one was involved.

I had to reach for a painful spot in order to write this and the trouble is, I did not want to revisit that pain. However, I did want to get this out and I thought it would only as powerful as my ability to convey the hurt and seriousness of the subject. Once there, I was amazed at how the feelings were revived.

I remember my heart racing, my entire being filled with anxiety as I sat in the very place that I had not long ago shook my head in cold disapproval. I have difficulty writing about it even now. Watching television programs about our justice system only scratches the surface of a real problem that exists in our society, in our community.

I bet you know him, I bet he is related to you or has some close personal tie to you. Maybe you don’t talk about him, maybe you don’t think about him, but that does not make him any less real.

A dear friend of mine excitedly told me of her loved ones impending release from prison one day. I am a cynical sarcastic being, who attempts to be cordial and kind to people I love, like, and care about. I was less than enthused, but for her sake I responded positively. I recall very clearly thinking,'”I wonder why the hell she is so happy about that, undoubtedly he did something to land his behind in there…” I never said those words to her, but the terrible thoughts were embedded in my psyche. One day I would  remember those words from quite a different perspective.

The docudrama LOCKUP was on and my husband made a rather sarcastic remark, I looked at him oddly and left the room. I thought to myself, “Don’t you remember?” There are some very great people who have been imprisoned. They span the annuals of time from the Bible until now. Prison, though a generally bad place, is not always the worse thing that can happen to someone. I never thought I would feel this way, I never thought this could touch or affect me.  Then it did, and my entire world was set on end. That in itself  was/is a very grounding thought and experience.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , , , ,

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