On Letting Go
Memories, as we encounter them in a somewhat different fashion now that we have more and more of them, let’s visit them as they used to be for us.
In a time not so long ago we had a relationship with our hearts and minds that was filled with vim and vigor. You were sharp and on-point. Therefore, things that had occurred were as fresh as if they were happening in the current moment. I am not trying to “date” us but the name of the blog does that already. We went from telephone books and roledexs to data banks. We existed in a time when the cell phones were not readily available and then in what seems like a span of less than five years pre-schoolers had them. All of our information is a touch away now and we are carting it around with us in a piece of equipment that is becoming increasingly hard for us to read without our spectacles.
At first when I started forgetting things, I brushed it off. I accused my organizational skills or lack there of as the culprit. After all I was the person who had a phone book in her head. I knew my social security number, driver’s license number, and employee i.d. like the back of my hand. Then one day it happened, I wasn’t even being put on the spot by someone standing in front of me asking for an immediate answer, I was filling out paperwork at my leisure and the question was “what is your phone number”. Now you all know the excuses and explanations… ” I never call my own number” yeah that’s true but you do have to give the number out sometimes was the rebuttal my personal smart-ass shot back to me.
I began the “blame game”, it was technology, it was too many things to do, it was the insufficient hours in the day. I imagine I could have gone on but the last place I summoned and rested at was things used to be so much simpler. I found myself mesmerized and wishing I could go back to when…. Funny, how we never really think we will become our parents.
I discovered the reason I could not return was because I was holding onto something that was long gone. The only thing I had a hold on was what was existing in my head and that was not the best source of information available. Now that I had come to terms with the fact “I” was impeding forward progress what was going to be my solution. What defense did I have for myself? I had to remind myself and refresh my mind with some pretty convincing facts. While the past held some wonderful memories, the present had some pretty special gifts, and I wanted to be around to see what was in store. I told myself the best was yet to come, not that this was as good as it gets.