hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

Archive for the tag “relationships”

14 May 2011
2 Comments

VI-haftasaysomethin

Today I had to do something I did not want to do but I had to. Through the years we all have had this type of experience(doing something you didn’t want to), and more than likely this has happened more than once.

My boy, as I liked to think of him, was born January 1, 1999. He came as  a surprise to me 3 years later, because I  never thought I would own another cat after my loss 12 years earlier. There he was sitting the cage at Petsmart waiting to be adopted. He had beautiful blue eyes and a gray fluffy coat. He was by breed a “Ragdoll”.  I re-named him , but as all things that concerned him, he never warmed up to his name or me for that matter. I can only imagine what his early life was. I know it wasn’t good, but I know we tried to give him a good home and we tried to do this for 9 years.

Today I let him go. I am sad for the loss of life, but I am not sad for him. I think he is worth mentioning because,  I believe there are situations where we put all of our energy in to and get no return. I was very convinced and comfortable with my decision. As a pet lover, I have had to make the unselfish  choice to let go before and it hurt. This was so different and I learned  about being more responsible when it comes to a life. I think I should have left Storm alone. I tried to fill a void with another individual and it did not work. I can tell myself that I gave him something better than he had, but if he didn’t want it was it really better?

Anyone other than a pet lover may find this odd. I hope the pet lovers understand and take a bit of heed, because we are generally good-hearted folks. This is just a demonstration of how we can lose track of what is really important. I now believe I would have better served Storm by giving a cash contribution to his foster parent and moving on.  I changed his environment, I changed his name, but I didn’t change him.  I did this convinced this would make him happy and subsequently me happy.

Not all of our projects or endeavors will be a success, and today I have to live with that reality.  I did not give all of this thought the day I adopted him and I wish I would have. Today I have to live with a farewell and on that note I haftasaysomthin; his name was Toby before he knew me. Peace be with you Toby.

Posted in Hafwaythroughpoints and tagged , , , , , ,
07 May 2011
3 Comments

Our Favorite Girl

Momma, Mother, Mommy, or Mom she is simply AMAZING. She is life influence personified.

I am grateful for every day the good Lord gives me to share with mine. Distance has been difficult for me, but I talk to her daily. Thank you technology and air travel.

She is the first real friend you ever have. Everything she does takes on a magical, mystifying air. I think the truly ironic thing about her is that each mother’s child believes and sees the most beautiful, smart, sweet, special, loving being on this Earth. No one can cook,  no one can solve problems, or fix a hurt like she can. It doesn’t matter how old or young we are, her mere presence makes us feel secure. We know if she is here or even near by there is hope. Talk about a “Super-Hero”.

Even if she is no longer occupying this space with us we can  have solace knowing she loved us and she resides in our hearts forever to give us the strength to go on.

Kiss her if you can, loves her the best way you are able to,  and cherish the fact that you were  blessed to have had her in your life, because you should.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , ,
25 Apr 2011

V-Haftoberight

Is it rewarding to say “I told you so..” I know the recipient does not think it to be true. What do you gain by being able to rub someone’s nose in something; wouldn’t it have been better to make a little more effort in convincing them to make a different decision, than to affirm the less than desired results. What about this; even if you were unsuccessful in trying to help, be there for support. When we do things the wrong way, we are quite aware. However, how we respond is under our complete control.

I never thought of myself this way. However, I recently learned that is exactly the way I am. It is difficult to see ourselves through the eyes of others, but we can readily see their faults. Things we dislike so much in others tends to manifest in us. We cannot see it because we don’t appreciate these qualities, and we certainly do not want to own up to them. Being right gives us a sense of power and control.

I submit this to you; there is nothing wrong with being correct about something, but realize at some point in time you will also be incorrect about something. None of us are infallible, if we had all the answers we would not be in one or more of our current situations. Stop building yourself up and patting yourself on the back for possessing a track record of at best 50% , average.  Average, the same, just like everyone else. Think about this the next time you feel the need to tell someone “I told you so”. For every one of those statements I have to  seek out someone and relinquish a “You told me so, you were right”. That should take the ego down a notch; and sometimes we need that, in order to have things put back into perspective.

Posted in Hafwaythroughpoints and tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment
19 Apr 2011

Do You Think I’m Sexy?

Rod Stewart asked that question decades ago. It was funny and a conversation piece; for at the time we were all young, beautiful, and sexy in our own individual ways. Now as the gap closes in on us our minds still visit these places and see these things, but the vantage point has clearly changed.

I remember seeing the “May/December” romances playing out on the silver screen and shaking my head in disbelief. I thought “oh my goodness what would she  really want with him”. “Him” being Mr.December and at the time Hollywood was still making everyone in major roles great to look at regardless of age, station in life, current condition.  Now a new animal is on the prowl and she is called “cougar”. She is also as open to the verbal and mental scrutiny of young and old alike. For after all what do the young, exciting, viable want with the moderately slowing down and aged? Here’s another twist, what do we want and expect of each other.

Our children would clearly be repulsed, for even if we do not have the mature and matronly figures, the idea of a parent being anything but a parent is just absurd. We can be successful, attractive, and wise; those are acceptable. Our children are very smart; educated, sophisticated, and worldly; yet this aspect of us completely escapes them. That idea is not unreasonable, I think this aspect even escapes us . No one prepared us for growing older and being in a physical and psychological limbo.

Some of us are in denial. We venture into the cliche’ mid-life crisis arena and we should expect to be slaughtered. We act, dress, and attempt to think like we are still the same individuals that fit into a size three; when we could easily use another numeral in front of that three. Our male counterparts pretend not to feel every bone crack as they try to dunk the basketball like it was done in college, while simultaneously holding the protruding abdominal area in with such force one’s head might explode before giving in and breathing. While these are laughable extremes on some level, I think we all have to own up to a little of it.

Yes, this is very touchy and very subjective. As previously noted some folks in our group are holding-up/going to hold-up better than others among us, why not if you are so compelled at the very least stay within your rankings. Realizing we are a group that hates guidelines, rules, etc., but at some point we do have to abide by them. We have been very successful at what one may say is getting around these standards, or we can call it exactly what it is CHEATING. Accessible plastic surgery has made a lot of us experts.

However, here is a thought; as we see ourselves change why don’t we embrace the change, and let our tastes change right along with our being. As more scalp begins to show, cut it close to enhance the fact there is a nice face to concentrate on without the distraction of all that hair.  Don’t look at the increased size as the inability to wear a bikini, but as an opportunity to allow the cover-up to give you a bit of mystery. My salt and pepper gray now give me the hi-lights I never could manage to wear in my youth. Remember, it is a question. DO YOU THINK I’M SEXY? Perspective and perception work in our favor here.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment
12 Apr 2011
2 Comments

IV-hafarecall

Truth be known, the recollection is far from half. This is being done in code of sorts, the names have been changed to protect the innocent.. and the guilty.

Things done in the dark are ALWAYS REVEALED IN THE LIGHT. Let your imaginations and memories run rampant. This is a place of secrecy. I hesitate as I reluctantly go to this subject. It is wanton and forbidden, we all know this place and at different times in our lives frequented it. It has a hypnotic drawing feature, as well as chameleon type characteristics.

All that being said, are you in “your place”. Can you still feel the thing(s) you hope to have long forgotten or maybe not forget completely. Since I would like to at least hold the attention of a reader for the duration of this piece, I will not concentrate on specifics of my list of “dark places”. Generalizing is sufficient here.

Like moths drawn to the flame we venture toward”it”. We told ourselves, “I will be careful and nothing bad will happen, because I will know when to stop”. Then we dove in, we crossed the line. We were taken aback because”it” was so easy; “it” was not what we thought exactly, but at the same time we still felt we had “it” under control.

Waking from what seemed to be an eternity or maybe it  felt as though only a moment had passed; we awoke to find ourselves in this strange, undesirable,”dark place”. Two thoughts came to us immediately, how did I get here and how do I get out? One thing at a time; we got to the “dark place” because we thought that we were infallible whether we will admit it or not. Alas, we did make it out with promises to self of never making that same error or one like it again.

It’s funny though, all you have to do is keep living and time will soften blows of your life. Memories will become a foggy  and inaccurate haze, if you allow it to happen.  Unkind words will fade and dissipate, mean actions will become surreal, and poor decisions will be given a pass based on it seemed correct for the time. I want to end on this note; in order to avoid having regrets, don’t look back.

Posted in Hafwaythroughpoints and tagged , ,
04 Apr 2011
1 Comment

For Your Consideration

Do you think about someone’s feelings before you act? How many people do you look past, or search through your pockets, or start dialing a number on your cell phone to simply avoid saying “hello” to? Do you walk through the mall like you are the only one there and others need to move or yield to you? Some topics I broach may seem very basic or common sense in nature. Yet I feel they need to be addressed. I see the direction younger people are going and know that we are in part responsible for their _____. I began this and I drew a blank. I could not finish my thought. I was under the impression that this piece was going to be about manners, respect, etc. ; then I got the lesson of the day from Church and it was “apathy”. Suddenly I knew what direction this piece was going in, because the teachings came from the story of Jonah. Read it and the first three verses will make it clear how this piece was turned around for me.

Thinking of someone else is oftentimes difficult to do, we are all wrapped up in self. When that happens it is easy to overlook another person and this is where the lack of consideration comes into play. We become apathetic.  You are cold and unfeeling. Not a good place to be, not a good person to be around. Many of us feel if I am not hurting you that is enough, but we are wrong. God asks us to do more. When someone is in a “bad way” it is not enough that we don’t add to the problem; we are called upon as Christians, as members of the human community to do what we can to improve the situation.

In the beginning of this piece it was easy to address the younger folks and find their faults, my intention was to call upon “us” as the elders to straighten “them” out. However, perhaps the most important thing that can be conveyed here is to straighten out one’s self, for do we not lead by example.

I really don’t mean to “finger point” I want very much to observe and report. Generally I am looking at my personal journeys in this endeavor, and it is funny to see how good intentions can so easily be lead astray. Therefore, I submit to you for your consideration; consider yourself first, before you look to others to point out and pick out.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , ,
24 Mar 2011

You Can Count On Me, Until You Do

My family, all of who can swim, and I were caught in an area where a dam’s floodgates were going to be opened.  The time, in this state of limbo, was very brief. There was only time for me to go from one family member to the other and then collectively remind them I could not swim, and in the event we were not to safety before the gates opened they would have to hold onto me. I received “lack-luster” responses, more or less “brush-offs” as though I was overreacting. Although, they affirmed they would look out for me I was still anxious. Suddenly the wall of water broke loose and my family came to life, but they were not looking for me. There was a mad rush toward the closed, locked gates as waters rapidly approached. Terror filled my heart, I was in a state of quiet panic, then the gates opened and we all made it to safety. In the seconds to follow instead of sighs of relief and happy embraces, the scene was filled with me going up to my deserter family members and shoving each and every one of them in the chest as hard as I could and then sharing some choice words. Then I woke up. Whew! It was just a dream, but the next thought was for me to say a quick prayer and I did.

I interpreted that dream. It rocked me and my faith.  I feared a lesson was in the making. I really did not want a lesson, but we do not get to tell the Lord how we need to be taught. I hoped I was in the midst of the lesson already, and the Lord was telling me that He would save me from the disaster; just when I thought it was over, as hopelessness was overtaking me. My thought was and I envisioned, when all is lost you can count on God. That is not what I call an epiphany, that is just real.

I challenge you to examine this statement “You can count on me” , do you know who said it, who it applies to in your life. Maybe the statement was never made, maybe actions implied it. However, do you feel comfortable enough to put this statement to the test. When your loved ones are on the line, is this a wager you would be willing to make? Finally, how does this apply to you? Can you be counted on?

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
23 Mar 2011

Let Go and Let’s Go

Simply, this is about release and moving on.

I have a beautiful pedigree cat, a Ragdoll. I adopted him a decade ago, he was a rescue. I laid eyes on him and thought, ” What a pretty cat. I’d like to have him”. I talked to his foster parent and get this sad story of a tormented, terrorized beauty. Well we had room for him in our home and I was ready for another cat in my life. I renamed him Storm,  partially because he was the color of threatening clouds and he had they deep blue eyes, but mostly because I hated his name Toby.

It had been 10 years since I had a cat, Yheti was a beautiful Himalayan Flame Point with soulful blue eyes who I got as a young cat of six months. He loved me and I loved him. When I came home in the afternoon, he was waiting at the door for me. He would come to me when I called  him.  You really have to be a cat owner to understand a close relationship with a cat. They are solitary,  independent, oftentimes moody creatures; you may pick one of them as a pet, but they decide if they want you. Yheti belonged to me. He became ill suddenly and we had to put him down. I left one morning with a cat that I knew was ill and returned home with a broken heart. Many years would pass before the thought of cat ownership would occur to me again.

Back to Storm. I knew there would be an adjustment period, but had no idea how very long that period would be. He was never the kind of pet his pedigree suggested. Noted for loving to be picked up and held, you did well being able to pet him on his back. Perhaps the ultimate blow was when he decided he preferred my eldest son, who did not even live with us at the time. The years passed and Storm did not change.  My position was to serve as caretaker/nurse. I accepted I had selected a creature who would never be a pet, at best he was a fixture.

Now he is 12, his health is not great, but it is not terminal. He is simply getting old. He could die tomorrow or live another 8 years(some exclusively indoor cats live 20 years), either of which I feel indifferently toward. I know that sounds bad, however it is true.

I spent a lot of time to talk about a cat, a pet if you will,  and not a very good one by my own admission. One may ask why. Here it is, my cat is characterizing how I think we are dealing with changes that occur in various times in our lives. The youth are impatient, anxious to get on with “it”, they have a vast unknown to discover and loads of time to do it in . The ones we consider elder folks want to slow things down, their unknown is plagued with the knowledge that the inevitable is probably close at hand. Then there is us. We tend to be stuck in neutral, we wait for something to happen rather than make it happen. We are not strongly in favor of slowing down, but we are not ready to jump feet first into anything either. We have a lot of recollection and memories to reflect upon. However, there is still the vague uncertainty of what is to come and when. Our challenge is, “What about The Now”, for this is the place where we currently reside?

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment
18 Mar 2011

All We Do is Eat

When I was in my late twenties eons ago, one of my close friend’s mother(a.k.a. play aunt) was telling us about a gentleman she was seeing. Now she was/is an attractive lady, however as father time becomes a more familiar character in your life the “pickens become slimmer”. I remember laughing my heart out one day as she spoke of this gentleman with a bit of sarcasm; saying every time I call him or he calls me and the conversation moves to what are you doing he says, “Well er um I ‘m about to fix me something to eaaat…” I clearly remember thinking,” He must be a lazy fat slob lying around on the sofa, hot sauce drizzled down the front of his wife beater tee shirt. She can do much better than that.” I knew better, it was just a comical thought; his speech and diction alone dispelled that notion. However, Mr. Always-Feedin-His-Face did not disappear as rapidly as one might think.

I have to be honest here, food is my personal vice. If I am ever accused of anything, it will be first degree consumption. I am guilty as charged. I can find something to tempt my taste-buds on most menus, and if I cannot buy it generally I can cook it for myself. I have to ask, is gluttony a pre-geriatric condition? Do we, just before slipping into he ranks of “old age”, become reduced to virtual  eating machines. I can see how it could happen very easily.  Eating is recreational, eating is entertaining, eating is sensual.

Where are the “tailgaters”,  and who makes the best beef  brisket you know? Be it a football game or a backyard cookout, these are examples of eating for recreation. These events are excuses to eat. “Let’s do lunch, dinner is on me”…. Okay you may get together with those special someones to discuss the way of the world, or  even a business opportunity, but ultimately you are trying to get at that food. Candle light dinner at an out of the way little restaurant, breakfast on the balcony overlooking the white sandy beach and it will be that much better IF a stimulating conversation comes up.

Eating is wonderful, but we have to remember that what we eat will determine if we will be around for that next fantastic meal. It is easy to overdo, and  then overlook our health in this process of eating. One can be overwhelmed with the intake and ignore the danger signs. Don’t let “Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die” be your prophetic epitaph. So if all you do is eat, put some fiber and green veggies in your diet as well.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment
13 Mar 2011

II-“hafamindtochange”

Here we are again, in search for that comfort zone, we return to what is familiar.  What happened? Are we not trendsetters; the generation where so many changes took place that when the smoke cleared, we hardly recognized where we were and who we were.

Did we settle in or did we just settle?  Is it possible that so much change bred complacency, and innovation died in the process.

Mine is a restless soul, but I am NOT a risk-taker. I did a job for almost half my life and I didn’t even like it. As-A-Matter-of-Fact most people who knew me would tell you I actually hated it. I didn’t even know that I wasn’t doing a good job of disguising that contempt, it was after all, a means to an end . In silent protest or sheer stupidity I actively undermined a comfort zone. A method I would not suggest. I wish I could say that was the first, last , and only time I did something like that. I wish I could call it brave, devil-may-care, or cavalier, naah I was just plain stupid. The good news is I managed to land on my feet. I managed, with the help of God.

Born and raised as a Baptist, in adult life I sought an affiliation that was a bit more calm and reserved. The Methodists appealed to me and I joined them. I served on the usher board  primarily, because I could not sing. It made me feel like I was on the right road, I found that place with the Methodist. The spouse was not interested in organized religion but would ocassionally visit a place of worship. The children, as children, were never encouraged or discouraged from attending. Yet ironically, it was one of my children that lead me to my current pla ce of worship and in this place I have learned more in a few months than I did in all the years I attended and went through the motions . Sunday Service is a pleasure, a welcomed needed retreat and refuge. “And a little child shall lead them” Isaiah 11:6

What waits for us on the other side? The other side of what, well the other side of anything that is a barrier or stumbling block. My two examples give the impression of  it turned out better for you, but did you read between the lines? Just because we stop at a good point does not mean that the trek was not riddled with challenges. What is this life without challenges. God never told us that this life would be easy, He did say He would never leave us. Don’t be afraid  of change, have a little faith.

Posted in Hafwaythroughpoints and tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Post Navigation

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →