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Motivated by a lack of material.

Archive for the tag “motivations”

28 Jan 2013

All I Wanna Do Is Write

That is so very true. All I want to do is write. However, there are only so many hours in a day. My day consists of having to do another job in order for me to continue living, in hopes my dream job will come into fruition. Not a unique story but this is a glimpse of what I have to do in the meantime.

If I start my day in accordance with my workload schedule, I would probably get out of bed at 8:00 A.M. each weekday. Then I could travel to the designated job-site and begin my tasks. That is the simple  outline. The fact that there is something burning in me, and each waking hour makes me so much more aware that I not only want to write I need to write, makes this journey a difficult one.

Instead of 8:00 A.M. I wake at 6:30 A.M.  and as I roll out of bed I realize I do not have enough time to write. I should have gotten up earlier, but I didn’t go to bed until 2:30 A.M., I must sleep at some point in time. The words are pressing against me, I have to get started. Oh but I need to say my daily prayer and read at least one verse in the Bible. I need to reset for the day. Then there is my exercise regime. I cannot let myself get fat AGAIN, this takes a good 45 minutes to an hour.

When I have the time, when I am not pressed, I turn on a soft instrumental let my mind wander and the words, my words flow. That does not happen often. The human condition, the state of our society plagues me. I cannot ignore how I feel and I am compelled to write about those things.

However, today I do have the time. The time to talk about what writing means to me. I am able to feel good, revisit places and people through my writing. I am made aware of life through my writing by connecting with other writers and readers. I get to see another side of myself, that I don’t often have time for. It is an escape and a vehicle for which part of my life’s journey is made possible through. Although I question why I want to turn this feeling, this experience into a career at times. As I explore that  very question I am able to see that I equate career with a job, and as with most folks who work a job is a necessity rather than a choice. I realize how much I love to write and how wonderful it would be to do what I love, because I love it, and it make a way for me.

Recently, I was told by a fellow writer “Do what you love and the money will come”. I think about what was said and think of amazing artists I admire in the music industry. I imagine their fabulous voices as the sound resonates from what seems and feels like it is coming from deep in their very souls. I imagine the musicians who play their respective instruments with the care and patience of a considerate, passionate lover. I realize they have a relationship with their “gifts from God” and while the mere sound of what they do is so very amazing to others, they are appreciative of that very same gift. They would do what they do for free, because they do love it. I smile and I hope what I do, comes across and feels that very same way to others as well.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
26 Jan 2013
1 Comment

Elated Moon

This  is a title that will mean nothing to anyone but me. I liked the sound of it and decide to let my imagination run free…

In an artsy kind of way I want Elated Moon to feel like something special and expose something surprising about me. Who was to be surprised though? I looked at this title and came back to it for several weeks, before I was able to do what I felt was justice to it.

Transported back in time I watched each frame in magical excitement. I hadn’t felt this way in years. Anticipating the next scene, but saddened as I knew I was being drawn closer to the end. Still this was all good.

My Disney Years had returned to me; and happily I must admit, I welcomed them. In spite of being the mother of two relatively disinterested boys, I was still a serious Disney Classics Collector during their childhoods. For years the videos sat in boxes or cabinets, hidden from sight. Only on occasions, that met with my husband’s look of ” Yeah it is time to have you committed ”  did they get viewed.

My granddaughter allows me an excuse to browse the stores and watch the old videos, under the guise it isfor her. Addison, however, is a Doc McStuffins and Sophia The First fan. I have a different kind of princess for a granddaughter, but she is a princess just the same.

As I ushered in all of these good feelings soundtracks included, I could not help noticing there was a cosmic reaction all around; the weather was better, the scenery was more beautiful, all of my surroundings were just vastly improved. Once again is it “All in your mind”? It felt/feels like springtime. “Almost Like Being In Love”, this is not simply a reference to a song.

Ending Elated Moon I was faced with another challenge;  Do I continue to a climactic crescendo or fade it away softly? I did build it up kind of big. I realized this, so a soft fade wins. I hope a smile was translated here though.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , ,
21 Jan 2013
1 Comment

I Love You So Much, That I Would Die For YOU

In this era, it is sad that this title is about an inanimate object a gun. “They can pry it from my cold dead hands”- Charlton Heston. What an image, what a thought, what a speech from the man who PLAYED “Moses”.

I do not own a gun. I do not like guns so one might say,” who are you to discuss this subject?” My answer is… who am I not to. This could easily be turned into a statistic filled graph. I do not want that. You are free to search and read those on your own. I am reaching for a human contact. Yes I will give up a little data because it is necessary for you to sample the journey my words will take you on. Yet, there is no proclamation of expertise here, it is opinionated and heartfelt. I direct you ask.com or “google” the question “how many people have lost their lives to firearms?”..hint stay away from the NRA sponsored sites. You can find all the data you want and more.

We seem to be travelling back in time to an era when “tea parties” and militia were the norm, the problem is these “time travelers” want the benefits of the future with the fallback of the past at their fingertips and all for “their” convenience. Maybe the mere name “tea party” instantly  tele-ports them back in time. A time when our nation was a mere colony being controlled by a monarchy. Why, why, why do we hang onto the past? The right to bear arms, this so-called loss will make the proponents think romantically of that time not-so-long-ago… wait it was a time that is  long-since past! They cannot have memories for they were not even in existence when the events occurred. That is what is called history and it is documented. You can attempt to re-write it, but you stand a very strong chance that you are not qualified due to the simple fact that you were NOT there.  This is a case of being practical and no proponent of these gun issues wants to be practical. They will fan the flames of hatred, ignorance, and fear to get THEIR point across. Here is a tidbit.

Consider the licensing  requirement process for a start. Gun owners would have to be tested regularly in writing and have their skills(competence at the very least) demonstrated in controlled setting, identified by registration, held accountable and made to be insured. Owning a gun is a deliberate act, therefore one should be willing to  abide by these rules and regulations. I don’t want the rhetoric of “the criminals will not do these things”,  for my answer is simple, “that is what makes them criminals and their actions are and will be punishable by LAW”. Good upstanding citizen should NOT have a problem here. When you load that firearm are you doing it properly, by the book? Is it okay for you to take your firearm outside the confines of the designated area. If you do this what is the fine or consequence? It should not be as simple as going to the store or a gun show and slapping down the funds for the purchase, there is more to it. Just as the responsibilities of being a parent; physiologically you may be capable, but we all know directly or indirectly everyone should not have a child. I turn from behavior that is characteristic of a child, wanting their way, to the horrible loss of children. Forever etched in my mind will be the faces of beautiful little “babies” slaughtered by a man that should not have been walking the streets, let alone have in his possession a gun. I will always remember the guns he had were NOT illegally obtained but licensed and purchased the proper way. I cannot help but wonder had this particular situation had a few more rules and regulations these 26 people who lost their lives at Sandy Hook Elementary School may be alive today. Those weapons used would not have been “laying around”; if there had to liability insurance issued, or if in order to have a license proof of passing a written and performed test had to be produced, or before purchase an application had to be submitted and the rest was contingent upon meeting the guidelines which mirror the stipulations of a driver’s license .

Therefore, in closing I submit the following; more paperwork, more long lines, possibly a creation of some more jobs to get these things done and produce a safer environment for all. Still want to die for the right to have that gun, like the LATE Charlton Heston?It is not necessary, just a few more forms and a little more time is all that is required.  Now, faced with the possibility of a few more challenges how much is it really worth to you?

Posted in As Consumers and tagged , , , ,
10 Jan 2013
2 Comments

And I Am Not Proud Of This Either

Okay, I am willing to bet that I am the only person on this planet who has  been cut off in traffic and got angry about it….. Now let’s be real. Less than 10 blasted days into the New Year, I became a victim. A victim of my lack of self-control. I have to level with you here, I HATE THAT FEELING! Not being in charge or command of a situation is humbling at the very least. Then after being humbled one must face yet another task, facing the demon. I submit to you my brief, but memorable experience.

Driving used to be fun, driving used to be a joy, but in recent times it has become a necessary evil. There are individuals with various skill levels behind the wheels now-a-days , and ALL of them THINK they are great drivers. The array of colorful creatures includes but is not limited to: the racing maniac either on your bumper or coming off of it waaaay too closely, the good Samaritan assisting every other driver except the one of who he has control over, the Sunday driver with no place to go in Monday morning rush hour traffic, the busy bee multi-tasking behind the wheel, and the inconsiderate brat whose motto is “yes as a matter of fact it is my road”. This is just a small sampling of what one might encounter on any given day  of driving.

On my day I ran into the inconsiderate brat. As I navigated through Buckhead this particular morning in not so horrible traffic it began. She drove a courtesy car from a Lexus dealership. Traffic was moving at a decent pace, but she found herself about three car lengths behind a public transportation vehicle. There were two lanes and then she did it! Simultaneously changed lanes and put her signal on, maybe she even turned the signal on a few seconds after she began her lane change. It doesn’t really matter here for upon the move  in which she cut me off, I blew my horn. Now I do not like blowing my horn and generally one would be hard pressed to get this, but this move her move was so blatant and unnecessary… my blow was saying “really, you didn’t see me right there?” Well from her reaction she clearly did. She flipped me the “bird”. Whoa. On a morning where things were moving along quite nicely, I get the bird for someone else’s stupidity, blindness or down-right inconsiderateness.  MOVE!! “OH HELL NO!” was my thought my reaction was a return of the “bird” along with some choice words I don’t have to repeat, but I am sure you all can imagine. She smiled, she waved, and she continued with the “bird”. I played right into it with her. I blew my horn once more before we were caught at a traffic light. This where the “not proud of this either” moment occurred.

Without giving detail I want you to imagine yourself in that spot, I want you to feel the anger and frustration mount, perhaps reference a similar situation you’ve been in. Feel what you felt at that time and KNOW I was in that very same place. Whatever you did; if you quashed the anger and moved on BRAVO, if you did not and you acted like I did, and I am not judging you but you might want to get a handle on that.

It only took a moment, it only lasted a moment. Two things occurred;  the result she did not taunt me any longer and I had to deal with my feelings the rest of the day. What was worse is it could have been much worse. This is a story whose ending could have made the evening news. I hope she learned something, I hope I did too. Don’t take unnecessary chances “boys and girls” you never know who or what you are encountering on any given day. Two don’t think that it could never/would never happen to YOU. YOU can be either party that I am writing about here. We are all human; and being human in that frail state leaves us open and susceptible to all kinds of weaknesses, then after it is all said and done we are left with regret.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , ,
19 Oct 2012
1 Comment

Bon Anniversaire

First let me  say, I do not speak French. I wish I did, I wish I spoke another language along with English. This post is for my friend “Samantha” :0) I wanted to post this yesterday, because that was actually her birthday. Life interrupted that plan.

Whatever your age, if you are fortunate, you have celebrated a birthday and are still around to talk about it. Some birthdays are great more than you can hope for permanently carved in your memory forever. Others go but as uneventful 24 hour periods. In general most of us have more of the latter. Yet, each year we are filled with expectation and anticipation, whether we admit to it or not.

Landmark birthdays; the 1st one for obvious reasons,  the 12 and/or 13th transitioning the child to the teen years, “sweet 16” truly a girl thing and rather archaic in today’s world, 18 and 21 the cross over point to  respective legal rights. The ones that follow while equally significant, are reminders that we are THANKFULLY getting older. I say thankfully because celebrating another year, being able to complain about more gray hair and wrinkles, beats the hell out of the option.

I  am an autumn baby, I love this time of year. I must confess that as much as I love this time of year, “Sammie” and I shared a text chuckle about how jacked up our birth month usually is for the both of us. It made me feel connected and it made me feel good that I was not the only one who felt happy they had seen another birthday, but couldn’t wait for the month it is celebrated in was gone.

Anticipation, expectation every thing that goes wrong is magnified with the unconscious thought, “and of all days/months this one”. This one being the magical, glorious day/month of your birth. How can that be? I’ll tell you, we are delusional. I know I was/am. For years as a working individual I would make it my business NOT to work on my birthday.why because it was my birthday. You don’t work on your birthday, but if you go back to the actual day your were born on… it was probably a laborious one, Cesarian or natural.

My point is the days we face come as they may, are equally good or bad no matter when they occur. Do they culminate on “our” day… maybe, but that has more to do with our state of mind than what actually is happening. So I say, CELEBRATE absolutely,  but take some of that same joy with you everyday and thank the Almighty that He has allowed you to see, yet another day.

Happy Birthday, “Sammie”! I hope it was… well know what I hope.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , , , , ,
01 Jul 2012
1 Comment

Up Popped “Happy”

It is true about the state of being happy. Smile and the world smiles with you… Laughter is contagious

As silly as it may sound and seem, I wanted to be angry. I had been damaged and no one could truly appreciate what I was going through. This was a bad day and there seemed to be no end in sight. Each demonstration of concern only made me sink deeper and deeper into my personal “hell”. I felt dark and my writing was dark as well. I thought “No one will want to read this s%$@!” I completely understood why so I refrained from writing.

On my way to do yet another daunting task, another nail in the coffin, one more testimony to my hard-knock-life I came upon my neighbor as he was walking his wonderful little West Highland Terrier(my all time favorite dog).  I was going to wave and keep on driving, but some strange force made me roll my window down in order for me to actually speak. After the ritual “hellos” he asked about my spouse and as the adage goes, “It not what you say, but the way you say it…” well that says it all.

As I talked briefly with this concerned neighbor, I laughed to myself as I recalled how terribly upset these two men were with each other behind a difference in political views not so very long ago. Yet, there was a display of genuine concern and it was consistently ongoing. Each time he saw me and we talked, the concern was there. It just took a different form this evening, this evening there was something in his voice and mannerism that was a tap on the shoulder for me. They obviously had found some happy medium amongst themselves and now when one of  them was down the other felt a sense of loss. The human spirit is amazing. All I had been thinking/ could think of was how terrible things were for me, but in an instant light shone forth, I found a little happy.  The smile stayed with me as I drove out of our sub-division. I noticed what a clear beautiful summer evening we were having. Conscious overtook me and tried to shake me with,” Hey don’t you see what is happening here, you’re forgetting all about your worries”.

However,  this was so good to me I fought off the reality check and wallowed in the happy feeling just a bit longer. I had what I was searching for; a place to rest those rambling, hostile thoughts which ran interference for sadness and a feeling of hopelessness. Now the problems did not disappear, they did not even get smaller what happened in those few moments was there was realization that I will get through this.

What about it folks, did you get what happened here? The Lord never promised us life would be easy, but He said He would never leave us alone. I could have never imagined, would have never thought that my renewed strength would come in the form of a simply neighborly conversation, that I was almost successful in avoiding. I had no idea how,when, or even if things would get better for me in even the slightest way.  But God did.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , ,
08 Jun 2012
2 Comments

Ooooooh Weeeee Moments

Angrily, I left the grocery store. I am at wits end. There is so much built-up inside of me I could burst. I am feeling a little sorry for myself, the self-proclaimed martyr, when I look up and see one of the grocery checkers riding one of the shopping carts to the resting spot, so he could collect them and return them to the inside of the store. I could not take my eyes off of him, and I smiled. The only thing missing from this scene was the sound that was undoubtedly being silenced with extraordinary control. OOOOH WEEEEE! The night was a bit cool, way unusual for June in Georgia. The lights of the parking lot gave off a fluorescent blue hue to all of the cars and it was quiet, not silent for there were sounds of the road above the lot and faint voices. I took a deep breath and still smiling I went to my car.

Every-so-often we all need a shopping cart ride or to spin around in a circle, to remind us that one of the wonders of life is that it doesn’t always take something monumental to make us feel good, but feeling good is monumental.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , ,
08 Jun 2012

Can We Connect

40 years flew passed me today. I found a couple of friends from my childhood. Wonderful Social Media. Much like you cannot go home, revisiting people who were in your life can be a difficult road to travel.

I was so excited to find them, but it seemed my enthusiasm was not shared. The connection was accepted but beyond that…. well it remained to be seen.

I have an idea of what should happen when we connect with folks, or how about this, what I/we think should happen. Suddenly, I realized that what this was really about. ME. Yes, once again I had taken a situation and turned it into a personal opportunity to illuminate myself. As noted, the statement was “once again”. This is obviously a reoccurring issue with me and it got me thinking.

I thought about the way people in the “limelight” sometimes have a problem with returning to a normal life. A life where no one recognizes them, a life where thousands of fans aren’t screaming for them. Is it possible that we as everyday people long for the “limelight” of our worlds as well?

My mother told me over the years how my favorite aunt (who was actually her aunt) said when I was a small child(less than 4) that I was going to be an entertainer, because I loved to talk. What did Aunt Sis see? What  gave her insight to a  person that I often deny, that many would question the very existence of? Yet, she is there and the more I ignore her, the more she does things whether they are good or bad to bring the “limelight” to her. She does not give up or give in. She has put me in some bad positions over the years, because I have not paid attention to her. You might ask how could you live with someone for so long and not acknowledge or even recognize  them. I don’t have a logical answer, but I do know it is the case with me.

Now that I have seen and realize the “scene stealer” is in me; I can return to a couple of places I recently visited and possibly avoid my seemingly favorite spot, “foot-in-mouth” haven. My connecting with the old friends now comes with the realization these friends, were in fact closer to my sibling so many years ago. Ah yes “I” was not the focal point. Therefore, just because I found them is secondary to “their ” reconnection with their true friend. I needed to be able to see this as not being an oversight or being slighted, but this “I” was an addition. Life is funny, the simplest concepts sometimes still manage to escape us.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment
09 May 2012
2 Comments

How Long Can You Live With It?

Well I must say we are all far beyond the point of NOT understanding the adage, “You made your bed now lay in it”. Today I had a “huuum moment”.

There have been numerous decisions over the years that I would tactfully avoid saying were not well thought through. More than a decade after one of these I find myself periodically questioning whether it was not only well thought through, but perhaps it was wrong. OUCH that one hurt! For as much as I see and recognize the inability of others to admit they are wrong, I have the same condition and it is terminal.

I will not bore you with the details for this would make me have to stop and truly examine this thing again and I really do not want to. I will tell you this, recognition also makes you go back and look at your r’epertoire, because unfortunately there generally isn’t a lone incidence.

The steps are simple. First you have the Accusation; this step will lead you to the spot where you KNOW something more must be done. You may or may not mull it over for a bit, but the next step is rapid and hard hitting. This is the Action; not a lot to say for the fact that you are here means you have made up your mind, right or wrong. Acceptance;  here you say you have done all that is humanly possible and you have no other choice.  Consideration; the back and forth happen here. Arguably this should take place before acceptance, but then we may not be having this discussion at all if it did.  Remorse; this is more of a admission, an admission of mostly YOU are not really happy with the outcome, not necessarily with the incidents that lead up to this outcome.

I leave you with “what if I was wrong” to ponder. The next step is even more difficult to face,” what do I do now“.  Along with the topic here, I would say there is a bit of soul searching you have to do. You can work on this now or you can do what I have done more than one time, put it on the “back-burner”. However, I must caution you “it” will come back again until you truly have resolve.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , , , ,
20 Apr 2012

By The Standards Of Others

Someone else’s wants, needs, and desires. Their schedule, their clock. Where do you fit in, well it is simple you are for their benefit, placed in a spot most appealing and useful to them. Not since my children were infants have I been willing to accept such a position. That does not mean I have not found or put  myself in that very position, though.

Jobs and society place these requirements upon us all the time. However, there are other areas that make an attempt to do this as well and often time it is not well received. Personal relationships are a challenging area, because these are self-inflicted choices.

Let me start with I hate the feeling of being controlled by tyranny, be it animal, vegetable, mineral, individually or collectively. In my most eloquent way of expressing myself, “It Sucks!” Bound by what YOU think I should do. Where does it end? Time space, or place is not immune either. However, we must all submit to this  standard on one level or another. Generally it is not constant and there is some underlying benefit to one submitting to such.

As we keep our vantage point on our “mid century being”, this experience will take us back, way back to childhood. While many of us cherish and reminisce our youth, this aspect of this type of control is rarely endearing. I’ll take a does of energy and fun, over disciplined control every time. Yet what guides, drives, and keeps us in places where we expose ourselves to this phenomenon.  It is simple; needs, wants, and desires. Satisfaction of these are  necessary and reasonable. The problem come into play when there is not a fair equitable exchange, or when you can no longer see it as being such.

I will not give you case studies or examples here. Realistically, we all have to submit in some area(s). We all choose to submit or not in others.  What we have to do is know OUR cut off point, and be able to do just that, in each of those instances.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

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