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Archive for the tag “control(s)”

11 Aug 2013

So, You’re Trying NOT To Be Excellent

Seasons are drawing to a close, seasons are rapidly approaching;I am talking sports seasons here folks but this piece encompasses life.

I am both a golf enthusiast and a football FAN(atic)! I have written about my favorite “hate to love him” golfer several times while only giving a group nod to the sport I truly love,FOOTBALL. Today in the midst of mediocrity (my opinion) this post came to me. I struggled through Pre-season football  and I watched Tiger Woods.

One week ago Tiger played a tournament as though he was the only participant; there was Tiger and then there was the rest of the field, and this week I saw a display of what felt like a woman during her monthly cycle, not all there and no visible sign of concern. His scores at the respective tournaments reflect as much too.  I saw him gain a substantial lead last week and basically coast into his victory, while this week he looked tired, disinterested, and ready to get off the course to have lunch/dinner/sex/whatever.  Forgive the sarcasm but I HATE THAT!

It made me think back to a couple of years ago when the Indianapolis Colts(not my favorite team either) came painfully close to matching the perfect season  of the Miami Dolphins and instead decide to sit Payton Manning down one game after the first quarter. Why, because they knew they were going to win, but if they didn’t their playoff spot was secured. They were wrong.  The decision resulted in a loss for the Colts.Afterwards the  front office issued a statement that let you know the record wasn’t important to THEM!  What did they mean “not important to THEM”, what about US, the fans? Don’t we count? Apparently not and I hated that too. I have been pulling AGAINST the Colts ever since.

As a fan I wonder do these professional athletes, teams, and owners decided we have to divvy out wins and losses so the fan base will remain and be interested. There is no reason to display the prowess and superb talent. THE MONEY FACTOR has become so vast and important that everyone who has control of these respective sports and their respective selves have forgotten; without US the FANS, no matter how many sponsors you have, you will ultimately have NOTHING!  Tell me why you would squander God Given talent anyway? That which sets you apart, that which makes people take notice, filling grandstands and stadiums alike; you would randomly toss  aside. Really?

Anyone can have a bad day; but it is insulting to be treated as though we cannot tell the difference between a bad day, and a day when  you just don’t give a damn. I suppose that is why I feel the way I do about Tiger Woods, he is the best but he doesn’t always bring the best with him; he doesn’t care, he doesn’t have to care, AND it shows. Each tournament I pull for him in I am asking that I be put out of my misery, for there is nothing WORSE than having so much available to you and  to treat it as though it is nothing. I need him to break a couple more records and then I shall be free!  Football I will once again site football because of my love for it, but this applies to all team sports though; shouldn’t there be a group effort that move you toward the unifying feeling of conquest and accomplishment?

Now we parlay all of this into life in general; what is it that you do, and do you put forth your best effort every time you do it? Don’t you owe it to the ones who love, adore, and count on you, to deliver to them your very best no matter what that may be. When and why does it become okay NOT to be excellent, when you have demonstrated excellence and know there is still more to give. I mean left-overs are what remains after the planned/thought out meal concludes. They are the extra to be used or eventually tossed out, but by the time you get to them, the memory of what they once were has faded. What do you want to be; the well thought through plan, or the extra remains thereof.

Posted in Everybody's Critic and tagged , , , | Leave a comment
05 Aug 2013
3 Comments

The Last Word

I am going to take you back to the school yard here, the argument that leads to the fight, the calling out. Depending on your selection of words this is where the true blows are thrown.

Sometimes we get into discussions and they turn into debates. Last one standing wins, right?  Well not in Musical Chairs. The need to be the loudest or having the last word is reminiscent of our childhood. The person we were to become crying out, ” I am here notice me, I have something to say.” In adult world it is just down right annoying.  For as bad as being “shushed” or silenced it is equally irritating to have someone constantly placing an addendum to what you have to say. “You do it first, No you do it first, no you…” in an endless cycle until one tires and their silence concedes a victory to the other, is what comes to mind.

Fast Forward today; there is someone in your life that lives, embodies, exemplifies having the last word. To them it doesn’t matter if what they are saying is truthful or relevant, all it has to be is enough to validate they spoke last. They aren’t particularly agreeable and they also need to be right, whether or not what they are saying is CORRECT does not matter. Yet when you encounter them, know you have a very simple way of disarming them. It does require a bit of ego cleansing on your part though. All you have to do is say,” You are right___”. That does not say you agree, it simply says you aren’t going to argue and/or debate with someone who clearly has the answer(s) already, all the answers. This may take a time or two for this individual to catch on but the reward will be great, and you also spare yourself the fate of becoming exactly like the one you are trying to teach the lesson,” It isn’t the point you have the last word, it is that you say something significant whenever you speak.”

Posted in Quickbits and tagged , ,
05 Aug 2013

“L’eh Me Splain Sumthin Lucy”

For anyone who has never seen an episode of “I Love Lucy” no matter how unlikely that may be; this title is taken from a line a very familiar character, her husband on and off screen at the time, delivered with his slightly exaggerated accent. Therefore this is my lead into a discussion on race.

I watched the news and saw reactions from the Sports World in regards to yet another young player who got caught on video being” human”. Arguably,  he said something stupid, mean, hurtful, insensitive, I could go on. Riley Cooper spurned a debate in my life between the” old die-hard radical” and the “flower child,”read into that comparison what you will.  Nearing the Diamond Jubilee Anniversary of life on this planet affords one some very strong, documented, validated reasoning and opinions. It does not however counteract or even dilute the hopes of one junior in chronology, armed with merely a half century + of exposure and experiences. One says, “It will never change, all the years I have been here shows it”. The other says,” It can change, it is changing, and I believe I will see the reality of that change in my lifetime.

He said,”Well it just figures”.  I did not tell him young Riley was born and bred in Oklahoma, which would have immediately brought forth the reminder of the 1921 Tulsa Race Riots. I said,” I do believe he is sorry”. Ground-work laid for the healthy, vigorous debate. Before we could get started, after my statement, the smirk and eyes rolling up into his head demonstrated what he thought of MY opinion already. I continued in spite of this though. I do not always think with my heart and emotions as certain individuals would have you believe, for I know this young NFL wide-receiver, apology noted and accepted by HIS teammates, is going to have a LONG season ahead of him to say the least! He will undoubtedly be subject to dirty hits, funny looks, and biased judgement for what he said in a fit of anger with the aid of alcohol. We as a society have a long way to go with race relations, but we do tend to overt displays of this unsavory behavior; John Rocker, Kerry Collins, Mel Gibson, Michael Richards can all attest to this.

However to be fair history has made many folks, senior to our group, draw the conclusions this particular counter part of mine has drawn.  He said,” How many times have I told you how they act when they have a little liquor in them. The truth comes out.” As I listened and reflected on how what came out of HIS mouth sounded very familiar; it sounded as though it was coming from a racist, just like ones of whom he detests.

While one element in our society grows tired of hearing about race, the other side of the coin says it is ALL about race, and even though both are extreme I welcome the fact race is coming up at all, for it is at the very least birthing dialogue.  This dialogue is not going to be all niceties and proper, for the subject is ugly and violent reaction would be expected (NOTE: I said violent reaction NOT violence). However, when the smoke clears perhaps some real work and solutions can come forth. We cannot continue to ignore that status of race relations in this country. It is clear that leaving the subject alone doesn’t make it  get better or even go away and die; it hides, festers and pops out mutated and stronger than before.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
28 Jul 2013
1 Comment

Alexandria Mac… Do You Know Who Your Children Really Are

I’m gonna call her Ally even though I do not have her permission. We don’t know one another, we have not been formerly introduced. From her photo she is a pretty little blonde, no stranger to make-up, sports a tiny stud highlighting a piercing, and she looks a little wild. My sister told me about Ally so I visited her page on Facebook. She did not seem to be that interesting at first; I noted right away she wasn’t much of a speller and clearly grammar was of little or no importance, yet she speaks seven(7) languages.  Her employment and educational background don’t demonstrate much talent, but she is clearly an artist. She comes from a large family; two dads, a mom, seven siblings including a sister who shares her exact name. Finally she had about 50 friends( I wonder how many of them are prevaricators as well)  a number of them adult male and that concerns me, although you cannot tell how old she is from the pictures.

Now lets talk about my niece Bree; she is my little sisters only child, she is a “tweenager”, and she suffers from sickle cell disease. I have written a couple of things about her, and the struggle that is a fact of life for individuals afflicted with this disease. The frequent visits to doctors and hospitals made my sister decide to be a stay-at-home mom, in order for my niece to have the extra attention she oftentimes requires. I have talked about how hard it is for a mother to watch her child helplessly go through these crisis’, the strength they all must have, and the challenges of their future. Happily I can report the sickle cell has not affected her creativity and her transition into her actual teens is going to be as “fun filled” for her parents as that transition has been or will be for each and every one of us who has raised/is raising a child.

By the way my niece knows Ally and I have to say she knows her quite well. The reason she knows Ally so well is, because they are one in the same person! Bree was in the hospital a month or so ago when her mom discovered Ally. We ask what was she thinking about, why did she do this thing? Yet, in being fair, is there really any answer that a parent would find acceptable, aside from  school writing assignment about journeying into fiction writing. Do we have a “Jr. Catfish” on our hands or is she merely “catfish food“? I say this laughingly and jokingly, but I caution you against this. I think we are all aware of the predators lurking about.

Maybe Bree is yet another writer in this family that possesses a wonderful imagination and loves the written word.That of course would ultimately be my hope. Honestly I think she was just being a “tween”, demonstrating resourcefulness(TRANSLATION: tryin to be slick). However in this day, age, society nothing can be overlooked and being aware helps corral behavior. Please bother to monitor your kids and their activity online. I know this can be difficult, because oftentimes they know far more than we do when it comes to technology. However, if you ignore and pretend this cannot happen in your household, you may be in for a rude awakening. Alexandria may have a cousin or two in cyberspace who resides under your roof.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , ,
22 Jul 2013
2 Comments

And The Guilt Rests Where?

It comes across my mind many times, on many occasions and in conjunction with certain events, how much we are products of our environments. This not necessarily a bad thing, but truth is we do have to work hard to resist the bad behavior we are often time exposed to.

Being a product of your environment sometimes affords you certain perks that you overlook and never think about, for when it is good we bask in the moment. Yet on the flip side; when denied something you want or feel deserving of and you cannot get, what does one do.

I came face to face with my bad several years ago and I live with it. I was very sad and disappointed to find yet another negative, most recently. Don’t misunderstand here pointing out these two particular instances is not to suggest this is representative of all my faults and shortcomings, this is an illustration and a cross section.

I sat in front of my laptop typing and I didn’t like what I saw. I never would have guessed this and had I not been in the midst of this wrongdoing I myself detest, I probably would have noticed. I didn’t see or pay attention to the signs. Distracted by circumstances I allowed myself to slip into survival mode and that also became my silent excuse for my behavior.

As human beings this is a part of what we do, we adjust and we adapt, it makes it possible for us to continue and thrive. However, sometimes the toll we pay for this survival is costly and I am not just speaking of monetarily. Starting this piece I touched on the benefits we received as being part of a certain environment, now we are exploring the consequence. That is why I used the word “guilt” in opposed to “responsibility” in the title.

My suggestion to solve this is, if you see after a considerable effort that things around you are not changing, you make a change and distance yourself from that undesirable situation. As an adult you cannot help where you come from, but you can chose to extract yourself once you discover you are not happy with the surroundings. If you don’t you will look up and a mirror will be reflecting your image, as that thing you were so unhappy and intolerant of.Then you will know where the guilt rests.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , ,
05 Jun 2013
4 Comments

It All Began With A Lie

Let’s talk about “skeletons in the closet”. It’s origins in 19th Century England, the phrase has been tied to of course the shame/secrets of an individual or family that would be disastrous if discovered. Also from a more literal sense actual discovery of a body in a wall or  other uncommon place.

Here I am on an early Sunday morning talking about something that has made people cower in corners or at the very least expect their entire lives will be ruined, FOREVER. Premarital sex, okay I will say it simply because it is true I had it. There now what? I will not detail whether it was a source of pain or pleasure, whether it ruined or made my life, nor will I commit to “If I had it to do all over again…” how would I finish the statement. I am off and running.

I knew there were laws on the books about premarital sex, they reside under decency and morality umbrellas. After a brief thumb-through I found there were some 18 states that went so far as to tell you what position you could have sex in, oral sex was forbidden in several carrying a sentence of up to 20 years in Georgia, and even one state(Nevada, but no wonder) telling individuals they must use a condom.  Oklahoma does win the “kewpie doll” as being the state which actually does forbid premarital sex. Yes I am going to make light of this because if it is left up to the state or anyone besides an individual and their consenting adult partner/spouse what position is/is not permissible, I think most would agree they would have not to make it illegal, folks would just throw in the towel and say “forget it”.  However, one might even find the offenders to be so prevalent the prisons would become a popular, and in some instances a desired spot. Okay I said I was making light of this so “lighten up”!

Now we have to touch on the religious aspect. Sodom and Gomorrah come to mind first, then we have the beloved King David. Those of you even slightly familiar with the Bible, know why these three were chosen as a reference point. Therefore it is safe to say people have sex; they have been having it for a very long time, they lie about it, but the truth eventually comes out. Finally the set–up is complete the skeleton, the law, and the Bible.

Pregnant, unmarried, under 21, and this is circa 1959 to 1964; if he’s a decent guy he will marry you whether or not it was his plan, but he just happens to NOT be.Now comes the reveal; it was a fling, you two were having fun, he’s married(or so he tells you) with children, and does not want more. The bottom line is, young lady, you are on your own. Your options are limited and relatively dangerous during this era.

The baby comes and you are bitter; your life is a struggle because you got caught when others doing the same thing did not. What you have done is a sin. Who will marry you now? You must put aside the thoughts of “YOU” and deal with the baby. At a time when there should be celebration of a new life there is an impending feeling of shame, despair, and doom.

Meantime, he goes on relatively unscathed. His children grow up with a father in the household, their mother his wife has the respect of her family and community. He got a pass, like so many others before him, like so many who will come after him. Sometimes he wonders about the young woman he was involved with, the one who was “tainted” because of him. However, he must cast those thoughts aside rapidly for HIS life could become undone should any of that experience come to light.

Yet there is a person left behind; a person who will one day wonder “why am I the only one who doesn’t have a father at the PTA meeting”, or a person who wonders “why are my eyes green and my hair curly when my brothers and sisters are straight-haired with brown eyes”. People wonder who they are, where they came from; it is this curious drive, the need to connect, that will lead them to and down a road of discovery, which may or may not end pleasantly for the parties involved.

In essence to say the man, the young woman, the predicament is one as old as the age of time is a gross understatement. Therefore, you either know of or have someone in your family who has a similar story in your past, present, or future. Judgmental people keep this story going; yes the cast changes, the circumstances alter a bit, but all-in-all the story is the same. One day there is a knock on the front door, a letter comes in the mail, or there is a phone call.  A closet door opens and here it comes, the skeleton, crashing down onto the floor scattering into hundreds of pieces. The lie is catching up. Be careful of the little seeds you plant in the dark, they grow, and appear in the light of day.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , ,
31 May 2013

Deep Dark Chocolate

It shouldn’t be any other way. I grew up loving chocolate. Hershey invaded my life very early. When there was Russell Stover’s candy in the house it was the assorted chocolate box; at that time in my life all I knew about dark chocolate was it was the last candy I would eat, and that was through sheer desperation. The one exception,  which by the way still remains in tact, was OREOS. I cannot say enough about those cookies, so I will only say you love um or you’re not all there.

Time moves on, you grow and you tastes change, but my love of  milk chocolate remained pure. Pure, really, milk chocolate is cocoa in one of  it’s most processed form. I  do have to give honorable mention to the so-called white chocolate and it’s rich texture, even though the extreme sweetness over takes any substantial flavor. Now as our waistlines increase and blood pressure rises, we all know that dark chocolate has a hosts of positive affects. Yet it is difficult to equate good to you and good for you when we think of this decadence. We ladies for the most part crave this, our chocolate love or love of chocolate.

A few nights ago it hit me, I was in the mood for something sweet, I didn’t know what so I figured “go down the cookie aisle and you will find some chocolate love”. I fought and resisted the urge to go on and pick up the familiar blue package with the picture of the most beautiful cookie on the planet. There are no secrets or surprises there, no challenge, plus if all else failed I knew where I could get satisfaction.

Instead I reached for the milk chocolate creme filled Milano, for reasons unknown. I had them once before and felt they could take care of this wanton desire. I couldn’t wait until I got out of the store before I had ripped open the package and quickly bit into one. There it was nothingness and disappointment all in one blow. The cookie tasted “brown” not chocolate. It was sweet but clearly not enough cocoa was put into this recipe. I struggled through another bite but had to resign myself to”this was a mistake”. The only thing to do was to run back into the store and indulge myself.

However, I resisted and moved on but was this a success? I must ask because here we are 7 days later, and there is the need to talk about how unfulfilled I felt after that encounter. Delving deeper and deeper into the “chocolatety” question, I ask what is this truly about. How would I rank my chocolate love; experience(what I prefer), expectation(what I think I prefer) or pattern(what I have in actuality preferred) the answers would all be different. Although if you read me(literally), that revelation should not surprise you in the least.

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29 May 2013
2 Comments

A Shoulder Tap And A Whisper

Just so you know there are other posts waiting to be published but this took precedence over them, for anytime I can sing (not literally cause I am tone deaf and “rhythmless”) the praises to God I do. He has been here for me when I did not know what would happen next and did not know where to turn. He has failed me not. I am His child, and flawed as all of us are, yet He loves me just the same. Through my arrogance and stubborn streak, through my recklessness and disregard, He is the rock upon which I can rest and rely.

Throughout my religious ventures, and by this I mean wandering from place to place and denomination after denomination, I have heard many a parable about how God makes His presence known. “He may not come when you want Him, but He’s always right-on-time!” I have experienced it many times personally. Today I want to remind all of you and prompt you to look back if things are alright in your world today, or to look forward and up it things are not.

He is said to be a jealous God, thus(and I am paraphrasing here folks) there is no room for worshiping and/or admiring any other like you do Him. Yet his love is unmistakable.  Defy Him and He will get your attention and it won’t necessarily be with the Earth shaking or a thunder clap, but to you it will impact you with that same power. Suffice to say He will not be ignored.

Next time you are broke and you find  money in the street or someone somewhere sends you a little something out of the blue, next time you are sick or are in so much physical pain you wonder why and how you are conscious  then suddenly the medication starts to work and you have trouble recalling that very same pain; recognize what has taken place, stop what you are doing and say a prayer to give thanks, for God has helped you to make it through. He does all that He does without announcements, without a parade, without lights and/or cameras; it is done with a soft tap on your shoulder, and with a whisper in your ear He says, “I got this”. Believe it, because it is so, and because He does.

Posted in Ecumenically Speaking and tagged ,
19 May 2013

Enough Said

When you have been hurt or disappointed in life by an individual, often time all you see or can concentrate on is you. As an after thought and in an effort to NOT wallow in self pity try this.  Take on the role of the one you are upset with and use the “pro-con”method to see what you end up with. Then think about where you go from here.

You are angry with me, but you won’t say a word. I am choosing to accept what I see. I say you seem upset you say you are not, there may be a bit of sarcasm but I am taking you at your word. I don’t know you any more, truth is I probably never did. Are you being honest with me now, have you ever been, moreover have I been honest with myself. Now I want answers. Pride  will not allow me to assume full responsibility for even the things I know I have done. I want to move on and move forward, that does not mean anything beyond what I just said, nothing is implied there are no undertones. This is face value time and if you accept this then it means you must be accepting it with no conditions; like you have in the past and in the way I have always been able to convince myself that you have been okay with. End dialogue.

No one knows you better than you know yourself and as scary or lonely as it may seem, it is better to be true to yourself than to end up with a load of regret(s). Battle with selfishness here; consider the others who may be involved and could be affected as well. Where you go from here is ultimately your choice, the ball is in your court. However, the truth is, it has always been.

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07 May 2013

All Because You Didn’t Marry The Prince

Perhaps some of you weren’t “his” princess either. Who is this mysterious “man”, well he is different for each of us, but simply he is YOUR particular man. I don’t think men are looking for those types of women(princesses). They do search for an ideal mate and when I say ideal, she cooks, cleans, has babies, retains her figure, is smart yet non combative, and did I mention her libido is in direct sync with his. This is a personal assessment and observation of several  men I know/have known.  We on the other hand ask for little, as demonstrated by our requirements which are much less; we only ask he be handsome, rich, and adore the ground we walk on.

Funny thing about a brain, it sometimes  makes you an independent thinker on a number of levels.  Many years ago you fell madly in love, if memory serves  correctly, it was wonderful. You have to laugh as you recall the time, because it is not real clear now. It is amazing that something that was so very important in your life, has take such a backseat now. Anyway you fell in love and then as time went on, you fell in love again. It happens the problem arose when you discovered, this is not a fairy tale. That was a hard pill to swallow; because he certainly looked like the prince, in short periods of time he acted like the prince, but ultimately he couldn’t pass the test. Sometimes we look directly at something and know we shouldn’t cross that path, but we do it anyway.

So now you are in the dungeon or is it the tower, well you cannot escape in either case. What now? You wait for the prince to come along and rescue from the dragon I mean the prince.. wait a minute. Is it the prince rescuing you from the prince or the dragon. Is the prince the dragon or is the prince rescuing you from himself? If you aren’t confused you should be. You are sitting there waiting for an answer, when you have it you hold the key. Unlock that door and walk right out of that place, go where you feel you are wanted and where you need to be.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , | Leave a comment

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