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Archive for the tag “communication”

29 Mar 2013

“It Was Harmless…”

It didn’t mean anything. However the fact that you did it, does mean there was/is something underlying. You throw something out there, effortlessly, and if by chance something comes back at you..

Gratification takes many a form. Ego is generally a catalyst, for even an individual with low self-esteem longs for positive reinforcement. A nod of approval from your boss regarding your work, a complement from an attractive colleague on your attire, or a “double-take” from a stranger are all appreciated on one level or another. Where do you draw the line?A subtle approach, a simple flirtation can easily be the beginning of much more. Depending on your motives one should not take these things lightly.

I was told a story of the way a long-term, rather destructive relationship began. It was sweet and spontaneous, my friend told me it caught her off guard while they sat in his car at a stop light. Romantic-minded me sighed at the irony, that is until the story continued into the years of lies and abuse. Now of course all simple things do not evolve to that level. Perhaps, as my friend looks back, she can see that earlier than that stop light kiss this seemingly romantic guy gave her an indicator(s), or she gave him one that made it clear the progression would/could take place.

All I am suggesting is with complex human beings, it rarely is simple and harmless.  Every approval is not a gateway to a promotion or raise, every complement on your attire is not an invitation to be intimate, every second look does not warrant a phone number exchange, but some of these same incidents will and do go to the next level. Therefore, tread lightly you never know when things will go deep on you, and what was intended to be harmless becomes much more than you bargained for.

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29 Mar 2013

“Pipe Dreams”

The sound of crumbling up paper, the image of “Curly Bill” from Tombstone saying, ” I feel greaaat, greaaat”,  followed by him firing off several rounds into the night sky. What does this mean?  Well these are the end results of “pipe dreams”  and I want to touch the subject of them.

Do you know what a “Pipe Dream” is. I am sure at some point in time you have had one, or accused another individual of having one. I imagine most of us deal with the “Pipe Dream” in a metaphoric sense, but this is what prompted me to investigate it further.

Having heard reference made to them since childhood I only equated them with actual dreams; later in life I came to know them as outlandish, far-fetched, or even impossible/improbably fantasies. I did like the sound of the term and since I love words this combination made an indelible mark.

In slight anger and frustration one evening, I decided to look up the origin of this “Pipe Dream”.  I was amused and fulfilled to find the two references that begin this piece were very logically associated with the term, and therefore they were appropriate to use. Short version they are drug induced( particularly associated with opium) fantasies, images, dreams. “Curly Bill’s” display in Tombstone came after he emerged from an Opium Den in the film. The crumpling paper was the sound of lottery tickets being discarded, while not drug induced a strong yearning to make something happen where the likely-hood is ( in my opinion) remote.

Now entertain the possibilities of being lost in either of those two listed scenarios, then imagine being lost in a “Pipe Dream” of your own.

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22 Mar 2013
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Sleeping With Anger and Arrogance

What a combination. Add a side of frustration and the recipe is complete. Yes it is complete, but who wants any part of it? Certainly no one who is in their right mind. Sitting around marinating in ones own emotional firestorm is not healthy, especially if it is a negative firestorm.

The intent here was to present two sides from two individual positions, but that did not happen. Sometimes writing takes on a life of its own and the words write themselves. In general, the writing here on my blog is outside observations which have my personal stamp on them because I am the writer. Other times I have to stop because it seems my personal stamp is covering the entire writing. I hope I can successfully turn this generic so publishing it will not seem like a mistake. At the very least my hope is it hits a chord that  gives a sense of “common ground”.

Have you ever watched someone sleep, or awakened to realize the one you were sleeping with was watching you? It is a disarming feeling isn’t it. You want to feel good about it because certainly you would not put yourself in such a vulnerable state with someone who meant you harm. However, the contrary may be the truth.

Think about saying your prayers at night. They are as much ritual as they are anything; but then if your implement a bit of hindsight you REALIZE that not only should you thank the Lord for waking you to see another day, but for protecting you through the night, through your sleep, through your most vulnerable time.

What made the anger appear? Why wouldn’t the arrogance succumb, so that the apology could soften the blows? However, with this arrogance there is no room to be humble. This fuels the anger that resides nearby. They are in the “throws” of a vicious cycle. My friend tells me, “I don’t want to hear any regrets”.  I arrogantly say,” oh there will be none”. What does she know, what does she foresee? Wait, I’m supposed to be angry…and I am just that.

Then to add insult to injury you wake up with one more frown line in your face, or one more headache. Perhaps you don’t wake up, because you were unable to sleep at all and this is cause for wonder…Really.  This is no way to live. Problems are resolved by getting them out there, and talking about them. They will not simply go way if you ignore them, certainly not at this level. Therefore, talk it out and don’t go to sleep with these two elements hanging over you head. It does not make for a restful night.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , ,
05 Mar 2013
1 Comment

Of Course It Is Noticed

Remember the first time she let you kiss her, or the first time he called you? These things are becoming increasingly passe’, however the feelings attached to them are not. Technology has made us strange and cold. People connect in the most distant and unattached manner. I used to look at my sons with disdain for not leaving a message when they got someone’s answering machine, but the youth of today would rather text than talk.

Under the guise of not having enough time for “this or that” we convince ourselves these disconnects are productive and we can get back to the human side later. The problem is if you let the human side alone for to long it suffers, becomes afraid, and departs. Like the texts that begin without a greeting, thrive for a little while and then drop off and disappear without warning. You see it happening, but have a built in repellent that makes everything okay.

Now she pulls away when you try to touch her, now he is far too busy to call to let you know he is thinking about you let alone running late. At first the changes are subtle, maybe excusable or explainable, then they become blatantly and angrily apparent,  finally they are as a-matter-of-factly commonplace and ignored. Here in this place of seemingly no change, the biggest change is taking place. Silent planning is going on and there is no sense of it in the conscious state.

The subtle changes take over as he sits at the dinner table with her and doesn’t hear a word she is saying, but doesn’t notice she is not saying a word. Flirty smiles from co-workers and kind words from strangers occupy a place in their respective psyche’s that would have otherwise been dismissed. Why, because of the disconnect.

Special people do not need to  mechanically hear they are special everyday; what they do need to hear it/ see it/ feel it  regularly enough that it does not become commonplace, and they are comforted enough by it’s presence that they know it is there without the reminders. When you demonstrate the way you feel do it in a manner that lets them (the ones you love and care for) know they were not an after-thought, but an ongoing existence in your heart and mind.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , ,
27 Feb 2013
1 Comment

Why Is That Camera Still In My Face

In this age when a cell phone can take pictures of high enough quality that you want to have them printed and placed in the family album, why can’t we get a decent picture of a person getting on in years. Furthermore, if we cannot get a decent picture why are we still taking them?

I love photographs. They tell a story as they give you a vantage point to the subject. On a simpler side I like looking at pretty things and that is without any prerequisites. Most of us get in a lucky shot here and there, as a photographer as well as the subject being photographed. In my estimation a true photographer is an artist and it is demonstrated consistently in his work.

I did not watch the “Oscars” a few nights ago, but as a matter of curiosity or ritual I always view the red carpet photos. This year was as entertaining as usual. The gowns and jewel were amazing. There were the fashion misses, as well as the disasters. The shock value outfits were very low, maybe Hollywood is actually trying to demonstrate some class.

One phenomenon I did see a bit more of was the aging performer. This is wonderful to see, as we are all getting up there in years. The tribute given to those who have passed on was admirable. What was not good to see was the unflattering pictures of these aging once beautiful faces.

Ladies of whom we wanted to see more of now have more skin than we care to see, and all of it has additional lines and spots. The sexy leading men are now hunched over like the monsters, villains, or antitheses they battled against. The mysterious ones now are just odd looking and strange.

I do not blame this completely on the individuals being photographed though. As I stated earlier photographers are artists and they manipulate what you see and the way that you see it. When one of those legendary performers stepped out and  was surprised by the flashes, they could choose to omit rather than release a terrible look on a seasoned face.

Like the malicious misfits of the writing industry, the ones who used to be accused of “yellow-journalism”; photography has their own bastard child , they are the paparazzi. The paparazzi do not care what the picture looks like, just that they have it. Some of them have nerve enough to cross fields and write things as ugly as their invasive pictures show. We feed them and keep them working though. Our need for sensationalism is voracious. Let’s face it”garbage” sells, because everyone wants to feel like they are one-up-on someone else in any way, means, manner, or form.

Maybe this will give rise to a new industry as it did for the medical community; geriatric photos. I am proud to be 53 and look forward to what lies ahead. I do have a slight advantage on a number of people; because I do not love the camera and it does not love me. Therefore our encounters are limited.  For the people who cannot wait to take a picture a cautionary tip;, digital cameras are accurate, quick, and brutally frank.  Now smile and “Say Cheese!”

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , , , ,
24 Feb 2013

Not Who You Think They Are

Clients versus customers; after 4 years in business I realized I had virtually no clients and only a few reliable customers. Is it the economy, is it the nature of my business, or is it ME? Have you ever thought you had something and found out you didn’t, or considered someone in a certain status only to find out the position you put them in was not proper/applicable/deserved? BOOM! I imagine you have heard a person who you are close to say, “oh ___ is my friend, or my friend ____.”  Then there are the patients, caught somewhere in between the four.

There  some areas in the world of advertising and commercialization that should remain untouched. I feel like the medical profession is one of those areas. During our lifetimes we have seen the family doctor evolve. Doctor has transformed from “the kindly, miracle bearing cure-all” to “the stone faced take-a-number/game-of-chance operator”. Don’t be mad at him; we have done this to him, and by “we” I mean society.

What does it take to open up/start up a business? Well of course it depends on the nature of your business. Yet, when you look at a young doctor starting out, there are considerations that must be taken into account. This new fresh physician has student loans (in most cases) that remind you of the National Debt. Everyday these people take lives into their hands with a perpetual monkey-on-their-backs, and we wonder why their bedside-manner is lacking. Then there are the realities of insurance, insurance that they cannot afford and cannot practice without.

If you are fortunate enough to have insurance you may have an HMO plan. This may have been a choice or the only option your employer offered you, but in numerous cases HMO demonstrates and should stand for Health Maintenance Oppressor. Everyone is given the impression they are getting something; the patient has lower cost reliable medical treatment available, the doctors have built-in patients, but they neglected to tell you about the part that you sell your soul to the devil for these “benefits”. The patient is locked into the types and amount of treatment the PLAN feels is acceptable. The doctor is faced with quotas and time restrictions on the care given.

The other type plans may offer more freedom, but they cost you in time and research. Time that you should invest in finding out who this doctor is; where the degree(s) was/were obtained, if there are significant complaints or malpractice suits pending or settled, and still no guarantees or even a promise that the care you receive will be up-to-par.

What these two sited plans do have in common is the power of persuasion facilitated through advertising. Depending on how much spending power you have this power is virtually endless. There can be a picture painted that would convince the strongest skeptic “_____ is the way to go”.

Plastic surgeons were  once looked upon as the bastard child of the medical profession; they had this reputation because of the stigma attached to elected surgery, and they were among the first in the field of medicine to advertise. Pharmaceutical companies have us convinced that we are qualified to suggest a certain medication to our doctors! How, through the media. If I knew what was wrong with me and/or what medications I should be taking, there would be no need for the physician!!!

Now we have the doctor, pharmaceutical company, and/or plan that can afford to make themselves look good in the media, but fail to deliver what they promise or show on television/or ads, in reality. Who suffers?

We must all be more aware, educated, and informed when it comes to our health and well-being. This is merely a carry-over from how busy and complicated our lives are now. However, it all goes back to the grass roots concepts of this piece. You really don’t know who or what you are dealing with, until you discover who or what they think of you.

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21 Feb 2013

What A Way To Celebrate

In honor of Black History Month I submit this with mixed emotions.

My facebook page has two stories that disturb me greatly. One is of an old man accused of and then  fired from his job, as an upper level executive, for racial rants and slapping the child of a stranger on board a Delta flight. The other story is of a nurse suing a  hospital in Michigan for obliging the request of a racist new father, that no black nurse care for his newborn son in the neonatal unit.

The story about the man slapping the child disturbed me because it seems as though his excuse was going to be the alcohol. Now there is an out-and-out denial. The hospital story had me reeling in the barrage of comments(and I added my two-cents-worth) ranging from “How could this be happening in-this-day and age?” to “I don’t want no blacks handling my kid”.

Law versus ethic, personal responsibility versus politically correct.  Yet people from both sides of this subject of Black History Month would both share the common question, “Why is it necessary to celebrate such a thing?” Here is why.

Our old “friend” racial prejudice is alive and well in 2013. This saddens me because I had hoped to witness it’s death by now. Yet in my lifetime, I realize this may not come to pass any time soon. Our society is becoming insulated to the mere existence on one hand, on the other we are hyper-sensitive, and finally we are in a state of denial.

The idea that an adult (or anyone for that matter) would have the audacity to say such ugly things to/about a child and then proceed to put their hand on that same child is appalling.The nurse is scrutinized and accused of being an opportunist for initiating a lawsuit. The lawsuit viewed as a way to make-a-buck off of a frivolous complaint?  Yet the hospital is excused for this particular action because they could have been liable for NOT complying to the father’s demands.

We are victims still, but now we have earned the title of perpetrator and opportunist. How does a victims receive justice in a society such as ours? A society that selectively allows success based on racism and race, but cries foul when laws and policies are enacted to prevent and discourages these practices.

Two stories but the same moral,” Fools who do not know history are destined to repeat it.” Wrapped up in our everyday life it is easy to forget and overlook, damaged by the hurt of injustice past and present we want to forget. However stories like the ones mentioned in this piece are reminders, reminders that we can not let our guards down. Our old foe is lurking about and still can be bold enough to launch an attack. The only way to keep him at bay is to be aware of his existence and not foolish enough to believe he is no longer harmful. What better way of combating a negative than to  disarm it with a positive. Celebrate our victories, contributions and accomplishments. Know you are worthy, know that you count, and remember it ALWAYS.

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20 Feb 2013

“Pity-Party” For One

Face it, at one point in time or another you have  been the guest of honor at one of these.  When you are told “it’s all in your mind”, no truer words could have been spoken in reference to the “pity-party”. For not only does it take up considerable time, it occupies a bit of space in your life as well.

In the process of being in this down state you not only throw yourself into that whirlpool, but you drag others close to you along for the ride. More of the same. This is a catch 22 , for when I could be most effective in writing this, I am battling to get out of this state and when I am in a good, positive mood I really do NOT want to revisit this time-period.

On a bright-sun-filled late winter/early spring day. I am going to take you there if you are not already, and I am gonna try to take you away from there if you are.

It was a whirlwind romance, you couldn’t have scripted it better then it ends without warning. You spend countless hours,days and weeks go by because YOU cannot figure out what went wrong.   Everything falls into place, you like the same foods, your tastes in music flows so well it is symphonic, you mutually agree to take it slow, but in reality you aren’t because this feels right OR you’ll be damned if anyone can resist you… then out of the blue she is in a relationship with someone else.

Face it folks there are people who” just get you”. Some are well meaning, some are not. When we gel and sync with another someone we call it Chemistry, when in fact what it might be is a simple chemical reaction. You may complete a lab, but that does not mean you will pass the course. Our society makes it seem as though there is a guidebook to finding a “soul-mate”. We want to believe it therefore it is so. However, such a guide is as make-believe as the fairy-tales it tries to direct you to.

My suggestion is to abandon that place you are in and go find a real party, a real place with real people. You would probably be surprised at how many others just left a place that is similar to the one you escaped from. Remember all of us attend these “pity-parties” occasionally, the difference is how long you chose to stay.

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17 Feb 2013
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Was It Just Sex.. Really?

On an average day, with nothing in particular to do you look up and there he(or she) is. That someone from your past. Do you remember an incident like this?I am going to give you two scenarios. You thought the face/body looked familiar but it wasn’t until you saw the unique motion/characteristic; you fill in the blank here that you knew for certain. Your eyes meet, at this uncomfortable point in time you have mili-seconds to decide, do I pretend I don’t know/see this person, or do I acknowledge and approach. Well here you are not going to get that choice, because this person is approaching you in a amiable fashion and certainly you cannot be an ass. After being greeted with the open arms and hug you begin talking. You basically do not hear a word, you are smiling and nodding in agreement, for you are in another place.

You are waiting for your spouse/loved one and you hear your name you turn to the sound and there he/she is… Looking rather fantastic and gazing at you like the feeling is mutual. You observe every inch of them as the approach nears. Of course there is an embrace followed by a pregnant pause and seemingly it lasts forever, because you are in another place.

Who are these people are they passengers or just passers-by on our trip though life. Was it just sex.. really? Rufus did a song “Please Pardon Me” and it would be  my choice for the theme song of this piece, if it had a theme song. Look the song up if you don’t know it, but if you do know it and remember the lyric you will understand.

Human beings are sexual creatures;  we like to have sex, in many  instances we must have sex. If you tell a mental health professional you are not having a desire for sex and there is NO physical reason for this, he will promptly prescribe medication or at the very least take your problem/complaint/condition  quite a bit more seriously.

In our innocent youth an exciting, somewhat forbidden discovery. As we mature both chronologically and viscerally a choice to be enjoyed and controlled with our own individual discretion. Again  with time, progressing to the occasion treat or disregarded urge. Until finally we may reach the “psychotic” state, due to our physical or metal condition, of none at all.

Whether satisfying a human need or “making love”, it is a part of our lives and it’s role in our lives is changing. There are always the exceptions. The dedicated Christians who did in fact save themselves for marriage,  they have managed to and still remain true to their betrothed. The self-practicing/self proclaimed celibates, you can’t miss what you’ve never had. However for the remaining folks; stay healthy, happy, and active in it for as long as life permits.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , ,
15 Feb 2013

A Conservative Twist

Much like a spoiled child, whose behavior leaves much to be desired, is what one comes to expect from people who claim to be conservative. I have known a spoiled child or two in my life. I can honestly say I have lived with some. What they all have in common is wanting their way.

There is a sense of entitlement when it comes to them, but everyone else look out. They can see, point-out, judge, and ultimately disapprove of each shortcoming of other individuals. They are inconsiderate and massive complainers when the least of  difficulties comes their way. Yet, their solution to the ills of the world rest on the shoulders of someone other than them.

The unyielding judgment is plastered onto their faces like a tasteless tattoo. I watched them and have watched their faces as they are in the presence of this sitting President… they hate him so. It is sad. Get this people; if our infrastructure crumbles, if people loose their lives, if industry fails, they are okay with this as long as there is no positive light shed upon this administration and more directly on this President. I was not a fan of George W. Bush but hate him….. naaah, he was just another elected official we had to live through. Perhaps it is my tiny station in life that affords me the cavalier attitude, perhaps I am just not smart enough to understand, maybe it is gender or race based.

To watch the world change and be in a constant state of denial has to be a fretful way to live and that IS what “they” do. However, they must present to others this is not what is happening. Even if little things like facts and evidence prove, as well as demonstrate, otherwise. The metaphor of the rat backed into a corner comes to mind. Simplified the rat fights, he has no choice for he is filled with fear and it is a survival instinct. Think about that rat; snarling spitting attacking with all he has in him. Think of the person who got the rat into the corner, that rat has reeked havoc with its mere existence. The rat has invaded, contaminated, and destroyed. The rat cannot be left alone to scamper away for he will multiply and possibly/more-than-likely bring others just like him back. The obvious choice is, there is no choice, get rid of the rat once and for all. Now who is the rat though? Is  our conservative the survivalist fighting to live or is he the man trying to stop the on sloth/the impending invasion. The answer is easy he is the interchangeable piece.

I am the hippie who did grow up, I loved my time in the wild and return to it periodically. It is a good thing to have and be able to do. They on the other hand never had a childhood(or conveniently forgot it), an innocent-reckless-fun time and they are mad at the world because they missed it. They shall grow old, sour, and meaner alone; that scares the fuck out of them.  Therefore, they want to make life difficult on others for that is their existence; it is their duty and sadly it is their only joy. Truth is they would rather DIE then to see our nation be successful under President Obama. I say,” God grant them all their wish PLEASE!”

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