hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

25 Nov 2012
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Victims

There are so many of them in today’s world. It is frightening to discover who and where they are. One may be surprised to find they, themselves fall right into that category. Yet, I want to be clear that I am addressing victims and not one particular kind (i.e. sexual, violent crime, emotional). It is a physical and emotional state.

One might be surprised to learn that victims victimize, just as abusers abuse.  Let’s start there. No one can protect or help you if you keep it to yourself.

I am having an anxiety attack as I work on this piece. There is a lump in my throat, my chest feels tight and breathing is difficult. The source of this is my own doing, I have to let go though, I have to let nature take it’s course of sorts. I am battling with what needs to be done and what I want to do. I am left to wonder if I did the right thing. I feel abandoned and alone. I search for solace and I know where I must turn. I have confessed and put mine out in the open.

I invite you to concentrate. The invitation was/is more of an order for me though. First, there is no crime in being a victim. If you wrap your mind around that it may be easier to deal with this piece. I hope this writing is a bit of help to someone reading it.

There are really no safe havens. We have to be informed and pro-active, for ourselves and for our children. No longer is this a gender or strength issue, boys are victimized as much if not more than girls. The guilt and shame for both is only compounded by society finding excuses and diagnoses for these acts. There is a decline in the morality of our society, our conscious’ are becoming increasingly numb and insensitive.

Moving away from the horrid explicit acts human beings commit against one another, we find a lesser demon the victim of circumstance. However, we cannot ignore the fact there is an excuse/explanation for this being as well.

Born into the situation or consciously pursuing something or someone that places us in the situation, the common thread here is at some point one has the opportunity to leave the surroundings that make things miserable for them, if they so choose. Why be a victim if you have a choice, one might ask. Safe is the reason. Even though the place or person is bad to you or for you, they reside in a place you know and place that is familiar. You have the companionship of “knowing”, and the known is safer than the unknown for a lot of individuals. Realize while you are locking yourself in the” safe- familiar-place” you are imprisoning yourself as well. You are not simply a victim, you are making and insuring for yourself that status. At the risk of stating the obvious I say/suggest this; make an effort to break away, free yourself… escape….

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , , , ,
25 Nov 2012

TLDR

As I look over and reread the things I have written, I know there are times that I believe I got “long-winded”. Overall I have felt my work has been sufficient to get my point across. Knowing this is merely a blog I want to capture the reader’s attention and hold it long enough for them to finish the piece and interest them enough to make them want to read more.

In a conversation the other day, one of my motivators and inspirations suggested the concept behind the title. I considered it. I said, ” this is possible”. Ultimately, my goal is to do something that is worthy of my expectation. I write from an emotional place, therefore surrounding factors make a impact on my subject matter as well as the content.

A passing thought requires a great deal of explaining with me, thus what I write is what I feel and that is never really simple or short. I want the reader to feel what I am saying, and that takes a little time. If you visit my blog and TLDR comes to mind, this is really not the place for you. You, the one who says TLDR, should have kept going for if you kept reading you would have been pleasantly surprised.

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25 Nov 2012
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Self-Absorbed

After a grueling period in which I played a role I am totally unequipped to play, the state of being self absorbed came to me.. I, in anger and in a bad place, began to systematically place people in my life into this category. During the process I was aware of the fact that I too might fit into this place as well, but I was focused on the people other than me. I needed to do this so I could be angry. Why you may ask would someone want to be angry? It is simple and it is complex. First off when one sacrifices they have a tendency to expect something good to come of the sacrifice. No matter they keep this expectation to themselves. However, we all know that this is not always the case. Being angry was a way for me to vent. I am a dutiful individual, an admirable characteristic if you do not mind the role; on the other hand if you do, what you have is a mean spiteful person who is very capable of doing a great deal of harm. Under the guise of dutiful, contempt and disdain can flourish and grow. These are not good things to cultivate. After mulling over this situation and the parties involved I decided the best thing and simple solution was to let it go. A suggestion for all involved, but it is not that easy. I point this out because I know how I felt. I have grown tired of  “taking the high road” which is often higher and steeper, while others seem to do as the damn-well- please. I also know I could not consciously do the insensitive, mean, wrong thing either. Thus I was left with my anger and my anger was really no different than “their stuff”. “Their stuff”, no matter what it was, had a personal pronoun attached and this is what made the difference.

The thing that makes these behaviours so easily recognized and labeled is they are coming from an outsiders perspective. If I point out YOU are being self-absorbed because you are thinking of “YOUR stuff” and NOT considering ME and what I have to deal with, am I being any less self-absorbed? One has to stop and realize, as one places a label a label is assigned to one as well.

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08 Nov 2012

Funny Thing About HOPE

So I woke up feeling a little sorry for myself ready to bitch about it. Then went to my social media “wall” and saw a post about Rush Limbaugh…uuuuuhhhhhh! Foolishly, I went to the Huffington Post article, read what the creep said and scrolled down to the comments. Prepared to be annoyed I read comment after comment telling, Rush in essence, to “head in”! Then I went to a section where there were images of the President and the first lady, Joe Biden and Jill, their families on stage in Chicago election night 2012.There were 101 images and I got through about ten; when it occurred to me this is what MY country looks like, and this is what MY country said. I have hoped, imagined, and dreamed about the images I saw.  Images that represent who WE are and what WE want for our future. “WE, THE PEOPLE”, the diverse, resilient, multi-faceted PEOPLE of The United States of America. The world was watching, knowing what was at stake, AND cheering us on. It was, it is beautiful. For a few moments I forgot what I wanted to complain about and wiped tears of joy from my eyes. Maybe I am feeling optimistic and idealistic this morning (beats what I stared off with). However, this is what HOPE will do. HOPE will make you say this is possible, this can be, and if you are fortunate you get a chance to say I  am experiencing it. “America, The Beautiful”; She is a rainbow, a symbol of God’s promise.  Just a passing thought.

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06 Nov 2012
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An Election To Remember

Every year for the past 12, Lexus has held it’s “December To Remember” Event. It was/is an advertising masterpiece. The holiday style music, the beautiful snowy landscapes, images that have you smelling essence of evergreen Christmas trees and warm vanilla cookies in the kitchen and it all crescendos into the excited, teary eyes realization that someone has gotten damn near the best big ticket present imaginable, if you like that sorta thing. Lexus make me want/ imagine/ believe that one day I too could have the Lexus of my dreams waiting in my snowy driveway, perfectly shoveled clean of course. It doesn’t get any better than that and each time the commercial comes on no matter how hard I try to look away and tell myself, “Lexus is full of it”. My eyes and ears and mind wander or are drawn back to the exact place Lexus wants me to be in. If I had the money, I’d be on a Lexus lot somewhere in Georgia making this MY” December To Remember”.

Needless to say, I believe Lexus’ ad campaign has worked. However, you are probably saying this is a rather lengthy introduction to…. “what is this piece about?” It is about the 2012 Presidential Race. Today is the day when some people will be happy and others not-so-happy. It is not going to be the end of the world, but it will be a new beginning. I take a deep breath as I write this, I have been up since 6 okay 5:50 A.M. I have done everything in my power to stay away from the television and news websites. At this point in time I have been successful but it is not quite 9’o clock in the morning. I, like most of my friends and associates, have work to do. Fortunately, for my state of mind, the schedule is  rather light,  unfortunate for my state of finances though. Nonetheless, I still have time to think. I think back to  a day in November when history was made in this great country of ours. A day when people of color, black people,  sighed a sigh of relief and shed tears of disbelief because a country that had not always been kind to us, a country that had not always been fair to us had a meeting of minds and hearts. A day when a collective cross-sectioned group said, I want this guy to run our nation and I don’t care what he looks like.

I am not a political analyst, I am probably not the most informed individual you will meet. I am passionate though, therefore when I read something or see something on the airways that upsets me, I am more prone to turn it off, close the book on, or move along, than to continue with the prospect I may become incensed. This has not been a clean campaign but I do not think it was the dirtiest either; partially because the President’s opponent could NOT drudge up a significant amount of dirt, but mostly because there isn’t any of significance. No one can question Barack Obama’s character, so they question his birth right. No one can question his intelligence, so they question his decision making. No one can question his ability to lead in dire situations, so they try to take credit away from him and give it to someone/anyone but him. President Obama called for change last time, well his opponents are using that battle cry against him now.

It is perplexing and I am perplexed. I guess it can be summed up    as , “you believe what you want to believe”. I have blamed and/or credited this campaign with everything from my departure from a church I thought I loved to loosing clients. I have argued, debated and pleaded with my husband and sons about the rolls of this election, voting in general, and what it all means. In my small family I have a cynic, a bleeding heart, and a radical. My role is to referee these people, while sifting through MY feelings .

This has been a battle, an emotional roller-coaster for many, myself included. Yet in a few hours it will HOPEFULLY be over. I hope and I pray that it goes the way I want it to go. I have to be honest. I want this to end with me felling like I do when I finish watch one of those Lexus commercials. The music faintly playing from another room and you still can recognize this is in fact one of those commercials, but you are still drawn in. I want to feel like,”WOW.. one day, soon, maybe even tomorrow, AT LAST”, this is possible again.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , ,
21 Oct 2012

When It Just Stopped Being Fun

I cannot remember the moment, but one day I recall there was no more joy attached to it. Then there was a sense of emptiness. I didn’t know why. When I finally put my finger on it, there was the feeling of loss. How does one recover from such a thing?

I am going to start with a positive and use it as a mechanism to get us thinking. Cooking… now our generation grew up with some fabulous cooks. We will say mother, grandmother, aunts,  sisters,  for starters(because I realize there are some fathers in this list as well). It was important for us to be able to cook and these ladies saw to it that we did. My family had some great cooks. We had Sunday dinners that were reminiscent of the ones depicted in the movie “Soul Food”. Two of my childhood friends fathers were great cooks in  their own rights.  To say that cooking and food surrounded my life would be an understatement. I  have cooked and baked since I was about 10 years old.

A natural deduction would be I must be a pretty good cook as well, that would be correct. Another one would be I must enjoy cooking, that would be incorrect. You see I was an overweight child; but that didn’t turn me against cooking, if anything it motivated me to do it more and more often. Later I married a man who did not object to cooking, and often took it upon himself to cook because of our working hours. I will give this point as contributory. However, my not enjoying cooking stemmed from what stated this entire dialog.. It just stopped being FUN. Cooking is an art, a talent. It is for sustenance and pleasure. A way of sharing feelings, if you will. It can be sensual, down right joyful, and let’s not forget the all important it just plain tastes good.

What began to happen was I attached a negative to a positive. The food tasted good but it was work,the food tasted good but it put on weight, the food tasted good but there was an easier way to feed the family. The negative took over and won. Instead of finding reasons to cook, I gravitated to the reasons not to. Without warning it happened and it stopped being what it used to be pleasurable, joyous, fun. The purpose still existed, but it was all too serious now.

Acknowledging all the things we experience in our lives are NOT going to bring a smile to our face or a sense of joy in our heart, but some of those the things that can should. Otherwise, they just become yet another task.

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19 Oct 2012
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Bon Anniversaire

First let me  say, I do not speak French. I wish I did, I wish I spoke another language along with English. This post is for my friend “Samantha” :0) I wanted to post this yesterday, because that was actually her birthday. Life interrupted that plan.

Whatever your age, if you are fortunate, you have celebrated a birthday and are still around to talk about it. Some birthdays are great more than you can hope for permanently carved in your memory forever. Others go but as uneventful 24 hour periods. In general most of us have more of the latter. Yet, each year we are filled with expectation and anticipation, whether we admit to it or not.

Landmark birthdays; the 1st one for obvious reasons,  the 12 and/or 13th transitioning the child to the teen years, “sweet 16” truly a girl thing and rather archaic in today’s world, 18 and 21 the cross over point to  respective legal rights. The ones that follow while equally significant, are reminders that we are THANKFULLY getting older. I say thankfully because celebrating another year, being able to complain about more gray hair and wrinkles, beats the hell out of the option.

I  am an autumn baby, I love this time of year. I must confess that as much as I love this time of year, “Sammie” and I shared a text chuckle about how jacked up our birth month usually is for the both of us. It made me feel connected and it made me feel good that I was not the only one who felt happy they had seen another birthday, but couldn’t wait for the month it is celebrated in was gone.

Anticipation, expectation every thing that goes wrong is magnified with the unconscious thought, “and of all days/months this one”. This one being the magical, glorious day/month of your birth. How can that be? I’ll tell you, we are delusional. I know I was/am. For years as a working individual I would make it my business NOT to work on my birthday.why because it was my birthday. You don’t work on your birthday, but if you go back to the actual day your were born on… it was probably a laborious one, Cesarian or natural.

My point is the days we face come as they may, are equally good or bad no matter when they occur. Do they culminate on “our” day… maybe, but that has more to do with our state of mind than what actually is happening. So I say, CELEBRATE absolutely,  but take some of that same joy with you everyday and thank the Almighty that He has allowed you to see, yet another day.

Happy Birthday, “Sammie”! I hope it was… well know what I hope.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , , , , ,
15 Oct 2012
1 Comment

So Sensitive

I do not want to be a part of a society that takes itself so serious that it cannot laugh, enjoy, or even relax.

After a two month break I returned to social media and just in time for the Olympics. The wonder displays of physical prowess and excellence. The spirit of National Pride and personal accomplishment come in tune with one another. Yet amiss this wonder we found time to critique so many things that do not count. Fervor over a child’s hair rather than the grace and greatness of which she handles her sport. It was sickening.

A flavor-of-the-week movie phenom caught in the act of infidelity. We are shocked and appalled… really? In their industry it is more the rule than the exception when someone ventures out and cheats.

Now or should I say continuing conflict in the political arena. With a Presidency at stake, we should expect this. A sea of lies and deceptions out of which our leader is going to rise. Question is what do we get when one has to rise from muck?

We get so personal about this figures in the “limelight”, yet what do we really know about them? What do we really want to know about them? That is easy, the ones we are interested in we want to know everything to the tiniest of detail. The ones we are not we simply turn the page, change the channel, or walk past the newspaper/tabloid/magazine.

I don’t want to live in a society where every little thing has to be scripted or scrutinized, but I also don’t want to live in a place where people take for granted being disrespectful is a God-given-right. Most everyone of us has what is called common sense, most all of us say things that are wrong at times, the ones I truly have a problem with are the ones that run and hide behind the guise of innocence or self-righteousness.

The Olympian; I applaud for she demonstrated that she was more than hair before the world. The movie actress; I am not a fan of the type of movies she has gained so much recognition for, so I do not follow her and there are NO expectations. Finally, the Presidential campaign; I have my candidate selected AND WILL VOTE FOR HIM.

Self expression is great when it is accompanied by tact, decorum and honesty.  You should be able to tell a person who suggests you “just be friends”, “No thanks, that’s not what I was looking for with you.” Stand by what you say and do, but also humbly accept the fact their may very well be consequences for doing that very thing. Do not be afraid to tell the truth,  simply think through the words you choose to convey that truth.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , ,
27 Sep 2012
2 Comments

Proceed With Caution

Have you ever seen that sign while driving or even walking. What do you do? Generally, I look around  survey the area to catch a glimpse of whatever it is that I need to either know about or completely avoid. However, sometimes the adventurous daredevil in me just tosses the caution to the wind. Funny how that decision is split second, hardly worth a notice, but it can have devastating results.

On one hand you hear “caution” saying, “you can never be too careful”. Running the risk of walking into known or likely unsavory situation makes one question ones sanity. The other voice “chance” says, ” go on give it a whirl”. I like to think of “caution” as the person who obeys MOST of the rules; she follows instructions and expects the results to demonstrate her actions. Her alter ego “chance” is ever ready; new and dangerous things means anticipation and excitement.

So you dive in so to speak after a period of pros and cons have been run through in your head. If you are lucky you will find it was not nearly as bad as you thought. As a matter of fact it is good, and you question the fear and apprehension. Flames reignited, close relations restored, lest we forget there was a separation and ties were severed.

How and why do you do this? What did you learn? As a starting point you realize there is something valuable at stake that is worth the extra or renewed effort and the lesson of “taking things for granted” is an invaluable one. The fear and apprehension, which were cloaked behind your personal guilt and sorrow, disappear like pixie dust magically. Now how about that for a happy ending and we can never have too many of those.

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14 Jul 2012

Days of Whine and Lost Libidos

Alright, maybe my sense of humor is slightly demented but I have to go here.

I don’t want to be too personal but this is a personal matter. Do you remember Rod Stewart’s song “Do You Think I’m Sexy?” My peers and I were twenty to twenty-something. If anybody was sexy, we were, at least we thought so. I make that statement simply by virtue of biology and physiology. We still felt the need to have an “air of mystery” about us. Singers and songwriters delivered  romance and love in opposed to pure lust and sex. No matter that this was at the heart of the love and romantic songs. It was softer, nicer, and I for one miss this terribly.

It is being reported that now a new individual is on the rise. The independent, happily single adult. At one point in our recent history the irreverent single man or woman was thought odd. Folks either stayed away from them or felt very sorry for them. However, recent studies are also showing how very lonely some of the unhappily married folks are. It seems that being unhappy in a relationship is quite a bit more lonely than simply not being with someone.

Okay you are in a marriage and you are not happy, but you are committed to the marriage. There are the children to think of, the mortgage, the car; there are too many reasons to stay you have no choice but to stay. This is where the casualties begin to appear.  She is dissatisfied and does not try to spurn his interest, he is disinterested and would rather watch the game. The way her smile used to light up a room, the way he made her feel safe in his arms and the laughter; yet you wonder why your sex life is dwindling or totally diminished.  Clearly, your whine does not come from a bottle.

What of the poor single counterparts? It is not all”wine and roses” for them. What they do not experience is constant company without companionship. Therefore the majority of their alone time is by choice and is purely physical.

One can never feel more alone than when they are lonely. The married couple who live under the same roof, but fail to spend time with each other are NOT together.The same feeling of isolation exists even when you have a significant other, as one feels when there is not, if the couple does not communicate. Perhaps that is why we view these new singles as odd, but more and more their lifestyle may become one more and more people decide can and will work.

I have to remind my fifty-something peers, we are living longer so let’s LIVE! Take a lesson from our younger members of society and don’t be strangled by what your old notions of “what is and what should be”.

On an ending note I found an unlikely light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel; one of my favorite trash reality/ rock stars threw an “old dog a bone”, kudos to you Brett Michaels for your actions on The Bethenny Frankel Show the week of June 2012!

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