A December To Remember…. And Reflect Upon
I anxiously await the month of December each year. I have for as long as I can remember. 2012 will be one of many I have to take out and look at, but this year a midst the red and green of the holiday season, there will be an outlined in bold-faced black.
24 years ago on the 17th of December, my beloved father passed away. An emptiness I am ill-equipped to express or convey. 1988 was the most difficult holiday season of my life to date. However, this year December was riddled with bad news and death. It was directly and indirectly touching me. From my “play aunt’s” entry into widowhood to the tragic victims in Newtown, Connecticut; my hear hurt and my eyes welled with emotional tears like an expectant mother. Coupled with not enough hours in the day, I successfully put off writing until now.Dare I bring up politics and bad weather? I asked myself, ” What about this December and furthermore how will I choose to remember it?”
Obviously, Christmas will leave it’s mark. First from the religious aspect a season to give honor and thanks to our savior The gathering of family and friends. The fun and wonder of the little one(s) in my life that makes the holiday magic. There were beginnings such as the start of winter, which THANKFULLY was rather unremarkable here in Georgia. There were the birthdays, two of my nieces, my youngest son’s godmother and dear friend celebrate their respective days. “Addi-Paddi” got her “wings” here on Earth. Addison/”Addi-Paddi”/my granddaughter had her first but certainly NOT her last trip to the local indoor trampoline park with parents, uncle, and two sets of grandparents in tow.
As I unpacked and unwrapped each individual ornament, the story of a Christmas from the past came back to life. Their color and beauty took me to one happily placed memory after another. These ornaments marked births, transitions, and Christmastime fun for 30 years.
I used to wonder how a lovely time of year could make anyone feel bad. The memories and the losses; I had mine, this year the loss would touch a country. Little faces that could not help but remind you of a special little one in YOUR life. And in that same moment you took your mind from that place, because the hurt and fear was too much for you to be able to contain yourself. I avoided that feeling and knowledge for as long as I could. Newtown, Connecticut.
This was the first year that “Addi-Paddi” would really be aware of and enjoy the season. She conquered the stairs, she knew that any elevation was her launching pad. Jump took on a whole new meaning because of her. At first it was enough for her to do it and then it spread like wildfire. The idea we could all go and join in with her “happy” was a no-brainer.
As I sum up the month.. the “December To Remember” I leave you with this. Nothing profound yet real; the last month of the year, the month that marks endings gives way to beginnings as well.