hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

17 Feb 2013
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Was It Just Sex.. Really?

On an average day, with nothing in particular to do you look up and there he(or she) is. That someone from your past. Do you remember an incident like this?I am going to give you two scenarios. You thought the face/body looked familiar but it wasn’t until you saw the unique motion/characteristic; you fill in the blank here that you knew for certain. Your eyes meet, at this uncomfortable point in time you have mili-seconds to decide, do I pretend I don’t know/see this person, or do I acknowledge and approach. Well here you are not going to get that choice, because this person is approaching you in a amiable fashion and certainly you cannot be an ass. After being greeted with the open arms and hug you begin talking. You basically do not hear a word, you are smiling and nodding in agreement, for you are in another place.

You are waiting for your spouse/loved one and you hear your name you turn to the sound and there he/she is… Looking rather fantastic and gazing at you like the feeling is mutual. You observe every inch of them as the approach nears. Of course there is an embrace followed by a pregnant pause and seemingly it lasts forever, because you are in another place.

Who are these people are they passengers or just passers-by on our trip though life. Was it just sex.. really? Rufus did a song “Please Pardon Me” and it would be  my choice for the theme song of this piece, if it had a theme song. Look the song up if you don’t know it, but if you do know it and remember the lyric you will understand.

Human beings are sexual creatures;  we like to have sex, in many  instances we must have sex. If you tell a mental health professional you are not having a desire for sex and there is NO physical reason for this, he will promptly prescribe medication or at the very least take your problem/complaint/condition  quite a bit more seriously.

In our innocent youth an exciting, somewhat forbidden discovery. As we mature both chronologically and viscerally a choice to be enjoyed and controlled with our own individual discretion. Again  with time, progressing to the occasion treat or disregarded urge. Until finally we may reach the “psychotic” state, due to our physical or metal condition, of none at all.

Whether satisfying a human need or “making love”, it is a part of our lives and it’s role in our lives is changing. There are always the exceptions. The dedicated Christians who did in fact save themselves for marriage,  they have managed to and still remain true to their betrothed. The self-practicing/self proclaimed celibates, you can’t miss what you’ve never had. However for the remaining folks; stay healthy, happy, and active in it for as long as life permits.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , ,
15 Feb 2013

I Do My Best Work Under Pressure

Little did I know I needed to demonstrate just that. A deadline was rapidly approaching and I had done little work. What I had done was terribly incomplete. My rest was interrupted, my thoughts cloudy and during this crucial time I was playing the game of denial.

After a nightmare I woke to a clear, cold, and beautiful morning. I felt positive and hopeful. I went to work and I was distracted to say the least. For years I warned others of doing the very thing I was doing, waiting until the last minute to take action.

Now the pressure is on and what am I doing? I stopped and took time to look around and reflect. At first it felt like a waste of time, but I realized I could not more forward until I was able to look back. I felt like my feet were stuck in some quick-drying cement. Now what would my next step be?

I needed to implement a course of action, but first I needed a plan. Considering the urgency did I really have time to sit down and figure out a systematic method of doing something. Of course not, my old procrastinating ways had seen to it that time was not a luxury I would be afforded. Yes, I was in fact lost.

In an almost remarkable sense, this is when I began working on my problem. In less than ten minutes I identified my dilemma, I developed steps to fix it. This was where I realized that the reason I procrastinate is not so much the work I have to do, but facing  up to the situation. I put things off because I just don’t like to look at them; these problems make me have to not only solve them but face the “whys”, and the “whys” generally stem from me as the originator. In this mindset problems are defined as failures, and I hate dealing with failure.

I collected my thoughts and began the attack. How many times before had I been at this stage? Motivation took on an entirely new meaning when defenses were summoned. Then I allowed myself to realize that problems are not failures, merely challenges whose ultimate outcome may or may not rest with you. Their existence by no means illustrates outcome. However, the way that you approach said problem(s) and the effort you expend is dependent on you.

On a final note realize that you have to actually factor in something that can be both finite and elusive, TIME. TIME of which you cannot control, only exist within it’s realm. Do be wary, for TIME will catch up to you.

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15 Feb 2013
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Recreational Spitting

This title would stop ME in my tracks, but since I am the author I hope I can convince you to move forward with the reading. I apologize for the title and subject matter. However, please note it is a “pet-peeve” and this is a place I can address it.

While at the gym I encountered a woman who I connected with. She was petite, attractive and pleasant. She reminded me of a friend of mine who I have known since 3rd grade. I frequent a no frills type gym, because I need to be focused on working out and not outfits of other members. We began talking and low and behold she too was a former Southern Californian. We can detect one another miles away I think. In the midst of extremely hot and humid weather or clannish temperaments of the natives, we tend to forget what brought us south. Yet we are here and that must be noted.

Our brief conversation took us to the local theme park “Six Flags Over Georgia”. The grimace on her face was familiar, as she and I shared the same feelings. We agreed it was dirty feeling, the park personnel rude and unmotivated at best. Then it happened the patrons came up. In the south city and country “mice” will inevitably come together in pubic places. “Honey BooBoo” and family could easily be sitting in the booth across from you at “The Cheesecake Factory”(horrid thought).  An amusement park all bets are off. We agreed “Six Flags Over Georgia” was a place we truly could/would do without. This is where the idea for this piece was birthed.

Spitting is dirty, detestable, and down right nasty. To do it intentionally is just plain appalling.  Want to start a fight, do it to someone. Unlike it’s counterparts of the tobacco family it presents imagery that leaves much to be desired. Before the warnings on packages of cigarettes; Hollywood glamorized even encouraged a smoke especially for men, but for women as well. However, I challenge you to find a notable film where a classic line or scene was preceded with the main character turning away to spit. Today if there is any type of spitting in film it is connected to backwards, uneducated or a mistake(i.e. Titanic).

I have left certain shopping locations based  solely on getting out of my car seeing too much snuff/chewing tobacco on the lot. It is like seeing too much liter on the ground, it connotes(I’ll be kind) unkempt. What if this cross-section of the public were relegated to certain areas? What if they were fined or made to clean up the mess they made not properly disposing of the waste produced in connection with their habit. What do you suppose would happen? What about spitting etiquette. When and where is it proper? The method that should be used and oh yes how to handle dribble.

Anyplace this act takes place is associated with undesirable.  In the animal kingdom the snake is the first to come to mind when one thinks of expectorating. I will run with this creature, for he embodies several negative feelings. He is not necessarily beautiful in the face, he is threatening by myth and action. Most go out of their way to avoid him. In the sports world images of even our most beloved athletes are marred when caught “hocking one up”. UHHHH! Cartoons give spit the speed of lightening and power of a bullet. Remember the faces; cartoons, sports figures, animals, the fellow next to you in traffic, there is no classy way of doing this. With or without a  tobacco product; at best it is made semi-civilized and excusable with an apology.  My analysis and verdict on the subject, “JUST STOP”.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , ,
15 Feb 2013

A Conservative Twist

Much like a spoiled child, whose behavior leaves much to be desired, is what one comes to expect from people who claim to be conservative. I have known a spoiled child or two in my life. I can honestly say I have lived with some. What they all have in common is wanting their way.

There is a sense of entitlement when it comes to them, but everyone else look out. They can see, point-out, judge, and ultimately disapprove of each shortcoming of other individuals. They are inconsiderate and massive complainers when the least of  difficulties comes their way. Yet, their solution to the ills of the world rest on the shoulders of someone other than them.

The unyielding judgment is plastered onto their faces like a tasteless tattoo. I watched them and have watched their faces as they are in the presence of this sitting President… they hate him so. It is sad. Get this people; if our infrastructure crumbles, if people loose their lives, if industry fails, they are okay with this as long as there is no positive light shed upon this administration and more directly on this President. I was not a fan of George W. Bush but hate him….. naaah, he was just another elected official we had to live through. Perhaps it is my tiny station in life that affords me the cavalier attitude, perhaps I am just not smart enough to understand, maybe it is gender or race based.

To watch the world change and be in a constant state of denial has to be a fretful way to live and that IS what “they” do. However, they must present to others this is not what is happening. Even if little things like facts and evidence prove, as well as demonstrate, otherwise. The metaphor of the rat backed into a corner comes to mind. Simplified the rat fights, he has no choice for he is filled with fear and it is a survival instinct. Think about that rat; snarling spitting attacking with all he has in him. Think of the person who got the rat into the corner, that rat has reeked havoc with its mere existence. The rat has invaded, contaminated, and destroyed. The rat cannot be left alone to scamper away for he will multiply and possibly/more-than-likely bring others just like him back. The obvious choice is, there is no choice, get rid of the rat once and for all. Now who is the rat though? Is  our conservative the survivalist fighting to live or is he the man trying to stop the on sloth/the impending invasion. The answer is easy he is the interchangeable piece.

I am the hippie who did grow up, I loved my time in the wild and return to it periodically. It is a good thing to have and be able to do. They on the other hand never had a childhood(or conveniently forgot it), an innocent-reckless-fun time and they are mad at the world because they missed it. They shall grow old, sour, and meaner alone; that scares the fuck out of them.  Therefore, they want to make life difficult on others for that is their existence; it is their duty and sadly it is their only joy. Truth is they would rather DIE then to see our nation be successful under President Obama. I say,” God grant them all their wish PLEASE!”

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
03 Feb 2013

Y

The short title is to give you relief from what I believe will be a long read, but then we will see how it flows.

After “The Week From Hell”, I settled into what I hoped would be a calm, renewing weekend.  I lie to myself, push myself, and try very hard to self-motivate. However, I got hit really hard this week. In spite of all the things I know I have to live for this weekend, I said, “You know what, this is BS.”

I got to thinking how many other folks out there are faced with such a week, month, day (no particular order here)? I can tell you how draining it is. I can tell you that there is a feeling of being lost, for you are only searching for answers to take your mind off what is ultimately troubling you. With the mental anguish there then comes a physical feeling of sickness. I think this is where you know your return will be difficult and the result of a force of will.

I need to believe that what I am going through will make me stronger or there is a lesson to be learned. I must say and I imagine some of you will relate to this, ” I could easily exist in a vegetating state right now, my reality is too REAL.” I decided that what I will do is turn everything off and let my faith carry me this weekend. I will make a couple of calls to let loved ones know I am still alive and kickin(but not high), then I retreat to my “cave”. This is a period that I could use answers, what better place to start than “the information highway”, right?  Yet I truly feel like my temporary disconnect will do me much more good than hanging out in my normal places.

Therefore, I signed off and would return 48 hours later. Hoping at best I would be renewed and ready to go and the very least I would be renewed and ready to go. I tied up the loose ends, made my phone calls and turned my laptop off.

Here it is; I did not quite make the entire 48 hours and I really do have a renewed sense, though my journey to this place has been riddled with peaks and valleys. It is healthy and productive to step back and take look at things. If in the blink of an eye or a heartbeat things can change, why should it come as a surprise that a deliberate action of close examination would not do the very same.

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03 Feb 2013
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Multiple Personalities….Or Just Two Faces

So who are you today? Most people feel as though they are exactly who they were the day before, the same person they have been for however long they have existed on this planet. Yet I think we all have re-invented ourselves once or twice. It could be as simple as a weight loss program, hair style change or as complicated as major surgery( plastic or other).

I laughing refer to myself as different names and variations of my name, but I genuinely TRY to be as “real” as I can with people. I am polite, concerned, friendly, disinterested, faithful, loyal, mean, moody, helpful, and kind to name a few. However, what I am not is disingenuous. Yes, people once again I am writing from the heart. I had an experience just seer my soul. As I point out repeatedly I KNOW I am not alone in what I feel and experience so here is yet another trip into “50-hood”.

Never mix business with pleasure, I had a gut feeling but I didn’t want to accept it and most of all I didn’t want to be right. However, as much as I down-play my sensitivity I know people. Maybe it is a glance you catch out of the corner of your eye, maybe it is electric impulses your body picks up, I can’t really tell you all I know is during my time with this individual(she was a customer) I  always held in the back of my mind,” Oh I would hate to find out/discover she was a… not as nice/cool as she seemed”. Damned if I wasn’t right though. The killer in situations like this is that they can go on indefinitely. I “kick” myself as I think of her. I can still hear in that Tennessee drawl, “Hey Ileeeen”. I recall the first time I heard a southerner with a southern accent say my name. I laughed to myself thinking, ” wow they speak so slowly..” Years of living here has taught me “they” want to speak that way, it is NOT something they cannot help.

My “girlbuddy”; she fit the typical southern woman profile, nice nasty and she took it to a whole other level. She came off like sunshine; she was pretty, seemingly smart and rather worldly (that was shocking to me in itself).  She was not my friend, she was friendly and to the point the mistake was understandable. Her motives were simple; get the most I can and if pretending is an avenue, I will take it. There was NOT an honest bone in her body. She smiled in my face and mounted up things against me. Then one day rather than confront me she lied and told me she could not use my services anymore.  “Dropped me like a lead balloon”.

Look this has happened before and will probably happen again. My business and I are NOT infallible. We can debate professionalism and what the client deserves vs the provider delivers, there will be some level of disagreement. However, I still think everyone should know the truth(You Owe Me The Truth9/28/2011).

Five months after the fact I found out the truth, third party of course. I do not know the depth or detail of what the problem actually was, but I do know that not only did my “girlbuddy” lie to me about letting me go, she has bothered to “bad-mouth” me as well. That is not the most damaging thing I feel; I hate being right in this case and I know that I cannot be surprised by anything people who you work for do.

I violated one of my carnal rules and I will make every effort to avoid such a mistake again. Before I un-friended her on Facebook and blocked her and the entire family; I took a last look at her friends, saw the diversity (yeah right) of them, I remember her clients and I said,” Yeah Tennessee; you shoulda known better!” Well now I do.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , , ,
30 Jan 2013
1 Comment

A Big Company That Cares????

Well that statement seems to be an oxymoron in itself. A few months ago I would have written this and happily proclaimed there was one and I personally had found/discovered this truth for myself! Today, that is not the case. Gather around as I tell the tale of my  trip with AT&T.

AT&T has been around for awhile and to call them “big” is quite the understatement. Yet for the sake of argument lets do just that, AT&T is BIG. In November I had a “wonderful” chance encounter with an AT&T representative. This lady was knowledgeable, professional, and (yes the unheard of adjective in customer service) NICE! This lady” single-handedly” convinced me to leave my cell phone carrier of 10 years to come over to AT&T. She showed and promised me I could have two lines for what I was paying for one with my carrier at the time AND the phones I was getting would be the new “i-phones( I was not due for an upgrade for several months). Okay being the frugal individual I am( alright I am down-right cheap) and after a lengthy discussion with a lady who seemingly did what she said (for she had actually helped me with another issue with AT&T in the most masterful fashion) I submitted.  I left the comfort of an old provider for a new shiny one, fully adored and equipped with i-phones.

I was happy. I told my family and friends in California, I told my friends in Georgia, AT&T was the s…”stuff that dreams are made of”. My love affair was short lived; first the phones were back-ordered so a one to two day turn-around turned into 10 days, the bill was not the same as what I had been paying  for one phone it was twice much, and the 100.00 gift card, showing their appreciation for me taking this new service, well it still has NOT arrived to date.  Trust me, the 30 days cut off time has LONG expired.

I have spent more time on the phone with AT&T trying to get what I was promised than I have used the new i-phones(of course this is an exaggeration but used to illustrate a level of frustration that is ENORMOUS) for other purposes. I have e-mailed my wonderful contact time and again. Part of me wants to believe she is/has actually tried to get this straight for me, the other part of me has lost faith, thus this blog piece.

As I look back at this experience and wait watching the clock as the time on my contract with AT&T slowly moves closer to the end(early termination is penalized), I have to admit I fell prey to wanting something for nothing. I did not heed the warnings of a cliche’d truth, “If it seems too good to be true it probably is”. I try to justify what I did by saying, ” I was not looking to change carriers, it just happened. Yet, I know the truth I would NOT be with AT&T this day had I not been a “sheep”. I let the flashy coercion of  my need for the i-phone draw me in. Don’t let it happen to you. AT&T IS a “BIG COMPANY, and AT&T DOESN’T care about you.

Posted in As Consumers and tagged , , , , , ,
30 Jan 2013
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Indirect Affects of Being Unconcerned

Well by now most of us have grown children and a lot of us have grandchildren. Things like schools and parks are secondary in our minds. We are concerned of sorts but  on a part-time basis (i.e. when little Miles comes to visit or Amanda has a birthday skating party to attend). However, remember there was a time not so very long ago that things like where you moved  was directly affected by the rating the local school system.

Now we are toying with and courting our “Golden Years” retirement is close at hand. Now we and our contemporaries are much more concerned with SELF than anything else on this planet. As we have gotten on in age we have lost sight of what is really important. Our compassion is dying more rapidly than we are, and what will be left should be shoved in the grave  before it can pollute and infect others.

I remember seeing a bumper sticker a few years ago it said the following:”If you think education is expensive think about the high cost of the alternative”.

I listen to the pundants of public education and I think, ” are these people actually that stupid or does the evil and personal agendas that exist within them have them completely blind. Look I do not want to pay taxes for schools when I do not have school aged children, BUT I also do not want those same school aged children to roam the streets with nothing to do and no formal education. Why, well it is not right number one and always remember what someone does not have on one level they will manage to more than make up for it on another. You will never suffer a loss of greater magnitude than one that is the result of underestimating  someone. Personally, I would much rather pay the school taxes.

There is a cross-section of this nation that wants to see the middle class  become a thing of the past. This cross-section would love nothing more than to see  the once thriving socio-economic group reduced to  ranks of modern day slavery. I shudder when I see the sons and daughters who reaped the benefits of public education, affirmative action, etc. turn their backs and even try to destroy the same programs that helped elevate them to their current stations in life. Have they forgotten or maybe worse do they not care?

It is easy to be insensitive if you think it does not involve, concern, or affect you, but remember the “high cost” reference. If our society is reduced to the very wealth and the very poor only, well it will not be as wonderful as one(i.e. ultra conservatives and tea-partiers) may think. Imagine that you have a growing population of individuals who do NOT have the things the need, let alone the things they want, and you have handicapped them. They cannot escape their circumstances through good-ole-hard-work or “pulling themselves up by their bootstraps” as the opposing forces would have you believe “they” did. You leave them in a helpless, hapless condition with no choice but to resort to the little bit they do have available and if what is available is bad or criminal so-be-it. However, let me”rattle your chain” a bit more; you do not have a frightened individual separated from all he knows, you are dealing with an angry group. A group that has the ability to plan, organize, and take matters into their own hands. Is that what you really want?Is your selfishness and greed going to lead to YOUR very destruction and possibly a society?? Really??Are you really from the same era that I came from?

This very thought, though it may seem absurd, is a real possibility. I have watched factions in this nation rally behind individuals for the sake of being right/ being in control and the cost of our great nation is of little or no consequence to them. If they cannot have this country on THEIR terms the way they want it, they would rather see America fail. John Boehner was born in 1949, Eric Cantor 1963, Allen West 1961, Michael Steele 1958, Michelle Bachman 1956, and I cannot leave out a personal favorite Sara Palin 1964(this is PURE sarcasm in case you missed it). Now although these individuals do NOT always demonstrate it they were all  privy to education, books and some forms of modern technology.T hey sit back with their wealth and feel insulated. Well I will remind you of the Roman Empire or the story of Troy. These big, wonderful,  sprawling societies fell; and arrogance and greed had a hand in each case. As you sit sipping cocktails behind your walls in your gated communities  rest easy with the thought “it doesn’t concern you”.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , ,
29 Jan 2013
1 Comment

Does Our Mortality Connect Our Humanity

I was once characterized as having a “Republican” way of viewing things. When this was said of me I was neither insulted or impressed. Since, this was not my political affiliation, the undertones and implications were clear to me. I happily can say, I am still friends with the individual who made that assessment.  I can also tell you LIFE has taught me that the stances I took on numerous things are subject to review, things are not just “black and white”.

More and more of our contemporaries are moving on to the next phase of life. Some touch us more than others, but we are touched just the same. When you find yourself attending more funerals than house parties it has to affect you in some way. If you knew today was your last day on Earth what would you do? How would you treat those around you? Life as you know it would be changed forever. What would be most important and how would you want it conveyed.

I will submit to you something not as final as death, but a major life altering event, a disease discovery. I will leave it to you to determine if it is terminal or not. However, you must take the position it is serious enough that simply ignoring it or going about as though it is not happening, is NOT an option. I want you to think as I relay this writer’s vantage point.

We are dealing with an individual who could never really be touched, not physically and not mentally. Life was a series of conquests and obstacles. No one could be trusted even a close confidant or a family member. To keep that protective shell intact all had to be dealt with as strangers and kept at “arms-length”.

For years of loyalty, dedication, and love the ones who were considered close were rewarded with distance and cold interaction. Then the discovery is made. Now we are afraid; we are hurting, we are confused and we expect compassion, understanding, and love.  However, as much love and affection there is your people have been beaten down. They are numb. They care but wonder how much worse will it be, for if they had you in good condition what will happen as things go bad? A frightening thought for them, a grounding point for you.

Years ago I watched George Wallace, the former governor of Alabama in an interview proclaiming a black man was “his best friend in the world”. I remember seeing  a George Wallace standing on the steps of the University of Alabama some years earlier blocking the entrance to the admissions office. I recall hearing a speech,” Segregation today, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever…”  I watched this now feeble man robbed of the vitality of his youth; his angry hot blood was now meek lukewarm plasma, and his sharp vicious tongue now slowly being silenced by age. I asked myself, after feeling a bit of consolation in seeing him in his condition, does he remember the evil that he spewed from his person. I wondered if he was really sorry for what he had done or did he fear the after-life. I asked myself why I felt good that he was in such bad shape?

We never know when our respective numbers will come up. Questions arise in a simplified form; in order for us to relate, we must have something at stake.  For example; Tobacco Magnate-“How much money would you make off that cigarette, if your ONLY child should partake and then proceed to get TB or Cancer? I’d like to know the answer.”-William “Smokey” Robinson 

You see, we do not know how really sympathetic or humble we can be if we are never challenged or our existence put on the line. Then when we are put to the test, when we have something to loose we have to ask ourselves are we making our decisions based on doing the right thing, seeing the light- our Humanity shining through or is it simple fear of retribution from sources unknown- our Mortality being exposed.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , , , ,
28 Jan 2013

All I Wanna Do Is Write

That is so very true. All I want to do is write. However, there are only so many hours in a day. My day consists of having to do another job in order for me to continue living, in hopes my dream job will come into fruition. Not a unique story but this is a glimpse of what I have to do in the meantime.

If I start my day in accordance with my workload schedule, I would probably get out of bed at 8:00 A.M. each weekday. Then I could travel to the designated job-site and begin my tasks. That is the simple  outline. The fact that there is something burning in me, and each waking hour makes me so much more aware that I not only want to write I need to write, makes this journey a difficult one.

Instead of 8:00 A.M. I wake at 6:30 A.M.  and as I roll out of bed I realize I do not have enough time to write. I should have gotten up earlier, but I didn’t go to bed until 2:30 A.M., I must sleep at some point in time. The words are pressing against me, I have to get started. Oh but I need to say my daily prayer and read at least one verse in the Bible. I need to reset for the day. Then there is my exercise regime. I cannot let myself get fat AGAIN, this takes a good 45 minutes to an hour.

When I have the time, when I am not pressed, I turn on a soft instrumental let my mind wander and the words, my words flow. That does not happen often. The human condition, the state of our society plagues me. I cannot ignore how I feel and I am compelled to write about those things.

However, today I do have the time. The time to talk about what writing means to me. I am able to feel good, revisit places and people through my writing. I am made aware of life through my writing by connecting with other writers and readers. I get to see another side of myself, that I don’t often have time for. It is an escape and a vehicle for which part of my life’s journey is made possible through. Although I question why I want to turn this feeling, this experience into a career at times. As I explore that  very question I am able to see that I equate career with a job, and as with most folks who work a job is a necessity rather than a choice. I realize how much I love to write and how wonderful it would be to do what I love, because I love it, and it make a way for me.

Recently, I was told by a fellow writer “Do what you love and the money will come”. I think about what was said and think of amazing artists I admire in the music industry. I imagine their fabulous voices as the sound resonates from what seems and feels like it is coming from deep in their very souls. I imagine the musicians who play their respective instruments with the care and patience of a considerate, passionate lover. I realize they have a relationship with their “gifts from God” and while the mere sound of what they do is so very amazing to others, they are appreciative of that very same gift. They would do what they do for free, because they do love it. I smile and I hope what I do, comes across and feels that very same way to others as well.

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