hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

12 Mar 2013

Say It Like You Believe It

In the throws of crisis, when you haven’t the answer or you don’t know where to turn; what do you do? Well for those of us who have faith, the answer is simple. We all know exactly what we need to do, the problem is do we actually “practice what we preach”.

All of us have been there, in these places that challenge our very being. Things get difficult and at first you are steadfast, but as time continues with no relief in sight YOUR strength is under attack you begin to falter.  We are weak and must realize that we cannot always do it alone. Depending on where you are in your journey with your faith there are”booster shots” available. The trouble with that is generally shots hurt a bit, if nothing more than a sting and in your weakened state even a sting can seem unreasonable, as though you cannot take anymore pain or discomfort.

The truth is you will endure and survive this your current trial or test as you have ones before.  It is the way you will get past this particular one, that you question. Just as the pain or discomfort from the shot dissipates, and the medicine needed begins to make you feel better. My experience has been during these times you have to realize your faith has some partners you must keep with you; they are bravery and trust. All the strength in the world is meaningless if you are unable or unwilling to come forth and show your strength. Your faith cannot sustain itself without trust in a time when you are being tested.

Finally knowing these things are simply not enough; you have to say it to yourself and say it to others like you believe it, but more than saying it you have to actually mean it.

Posted in Ecumenically Speaking and tagged , , | Leave a comment
08 Mar 2013
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What A Beautiful Smile

I love to look at pictures. It may seem odd seeing as I do not like to pose for pictures. Amateur or professional, I have been the subject of some truly awful shots. I dream of the day a true artist will capture a shot that will make me look like I want. Now for the right price I am certain there is such a magician, I mean photographer, out there.  For now I am waiting, patiently?

Many years ago what was left of my self-esteem was permanently scarred by a “friend” in middle school ( back then it was called Jr. High School). We will call her “Darlene”. She was a rotund vertically challenged individual we walked to school together with another friend every day. “Darlene” a name that might lead one to make a connection with darling, was far from that. I learned from her fashion improprieties and mistakes that I could ill-afford to make (i.e. wearing your gym shirt under/instead of  your regular blouse to prevent the time guzzling of dressing for class). She also made me painfully aware that I did NOT have a smile that would light up a room. I remember going home looking in the mirror in the bathroom and thinking,” Uuuuuh, I do have an ugly smile”. I would not smile in pictures for years after that.

Every time I saw an ad for toothpaste,where the actors flashed toothy grins I’d ignore them completely, and remember what my “friend” had brought to my attention. I did not have particularly crooked teeth, nor were they rotted out or even discolored. To be honest there was NOTHING remarkable about my teeth or my smile. Then I saw them( actually I just began to take notice of them), they would stop me dead in my tracks for life. They were dimples. I immediately decided to and did in fact dub them the single most important factor in a good smile (not ignoring teeth). After all how could you not display your pearly whites, when you had dimples to accent them. I began paying attention to them I found my father, my younger brother and sister all had them. They were all around, yet they still were cause for notice.

Off we go on a tangent; defined as (believe it or not) a facial deformity of the zygomaticus major, these little indentures have managed to grace the faces of some of the most beautiful people you know or know of. They are hereditary and some of them disappear with time, as the muscles which are”too short” stretch out with age. Thus one may have them as a child but lose them later in life. We associate the dimple with children or babies, perhaps this is why we think they are so cute and are continuously admired if one manages to hold onto them in adult life.

Think about it from your senior classes prettiest smile recipient to the cover of “People Magazine”. They are the quote marks to a smile.  From Tupac to Brad Pitt, Linda Ronstadt to Gabrielle Union, and the many in-betweens; the thought of their smile makes you smile. While I do not remember my senior classes recipient I do remember one from previous year, he was a green-eyed fellow named Warren. So the good Lord graced Warren with unusually pretty eyes, beautiful teeth, and dimples. The stuff crushes are made of, right? I did not know Warren personally and while amazingly I did not have those kinds of feelings for him; I do remember his name, and it is because of his beautiful smile. I invite you to examine the people you know or simply have seen who possess these little marks on their faces, and see if they do not coerce a smile from you.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , , ,
05 Mar 2013
1 Comment

Of Course It Is Noticed

Remember the first time she let you kiss her, or the first time he called you? These things are becoming increasingly passe’, however the feelings attached to them are not. Technology has made us strange and cold. People connect in the most distant and unattached manner. I used to look at my sons with disdain for not leaving a message when they got someone’s answering machine, but the youth of today would rather text than talk.

Under the guise of not having enough time for “this or that” we convince ourselves these disconnects are productive and we can get back to the human side later. The problem is if you let the human side alone for to long it suffers, becomes afraid, and departs. Like the texts that begin without a greeting, thrive for a little while and then drop off and disappear without warning. You see it happening, but have a built in repellent that makes everything okay.

Now she pulls away when you try to touch her, now he is far too busy to call to let you know he is thinking about you let alone running late. At first the changes are subtle, maybe excusable or explainable, then they become blatantly and angrily apparent,  finally they are as a-matter-of-factly commonplace and ignored. Here in this place of seemingly no change, the biggest change is taking place. Silent planning is going on and there is no sense of it in the conscious state.

The subtle changes take over as he sits at the dinner table with her and doesn’t hear a word she is saying, but doesn’t notice she is not saying a word. Flirty smiles from co-workers and kind words from strangers occupy a place in their respective psyche’s that would have otherwise been dismissed. Why, because of the disconnect.

Special people do not need to  mechanically hear they are special everyday; what they do need to hear it/ see it/ feel it  regularly enough that it does not become commonplace, and they are comforted enough by it’s presence that they know it is there without the reminders. When you demonstrate the way you feel do it in a manner that lets them (the ones you love and care for) know they were not an after-thought, but an ongoing existence in your heart and mind.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , ,
01 Mar 2013
1 Comment

Everything Has Shifted

The things that I thought worked no longer did. This was not a good look for me.  It was tight where it should be lose, lose where it should be tight, and the color was all wrong. I quickly put a towel around myself. Gravity and time, you gotta love them.

Go on and laugh, because I know you already are. My longtime friend says she has a” DGAF attitude“, do your research on that one. Of course she still can sport a bikini on the beach, and no one would be able to say anything but “WOW”. That is something I do admire. We are oftentimes our own worse critics, then other times we don’t critique ourselves enough.

About a month ago I watched a special on one of the reputable cable channels, cannot recall which one and now I have difficulty in deciding which one(s) qualify as reputable, about a particular plastic surgery that young women are now having. Now we all are very aware that you can have just about anything on your body fixed/modified/altered/improved, but this one made me really mad.

I watched as the young woman’s mother tearfully explained that she would do anything for her daughter and that this was going to make her happy…”Happy”, I thought, ” this is just glorified mutilation”. This surgery is a bit more risky than a” simple” rhinoplasty, although the long term results are similar. It may improve or modify the appearance, but has little or nothing to do with the function. At the risk of sounding too provincial, one has to think who is really going to see the results anyway? Furthermore, these surgeries are still considered unproven by the ACOG.

I remember that campaign in the 1990 that revealed FGM  oh-so-well.  Young women from African nations and Islamic cultures telling the horror stories of primitive tools cutting and tearing at their flesh, loved ones or just other women who died as a result of this type of ritual. Now here we are the nation of “beautiful people” succumbing to the idea, once again, our bodies need tweeking. Do you ladies remember what our dolls used to look like when their clothes were removed? Why are we trying to look like molded plastic.

We are so easily manipulated into believing what is popular is what is right. The mainstream dictates to us, right or wrong. During the Renaissance Age people(especially women) were portrayed and envied for being heavy. Countless painting depict semi-nude or nude women frolicking about in forest smiling, we gain a pound or look at a part of our body that is meant to be fleshy and we are suicidal. Factor in perceptions as to what does/does not look good, what is too big/too much, and you have someone guided by emotion instead of knowledge on a matter that concerns health and well-being.  So it is true everything has shifted; our bodies, our ideas and our ideals. It is fine to want to make improvements on oneself, but try not to carry it to the extreme.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , ,
27 Feb 2013
1 Comment

Why Is That Camera Still In My Face

In this age when a cell phone can take pictures of high enough quality that you want to have them printed and placed in the family album, why can’t we get a decent picture of a person getting on in years. Furthermore, if we cannot get a decent picture why are we still taking them?

I love photographs. They tell a story as they give you a vantage point to the subject. On a simpler side I like looking at pretty things and that is without any prerequisites. Most of us get in a lucky shot here and there, as a photographer as well as the subject being photographed. In my estimation a true photographer is an artist and it is demonstrated consistently in his work.

I did not watch the “Oscars” a few nights ago, but as a matter of curiosity or ritual I always view the red carpet photos. This year was as entertaining as usual. The gowns and jewel were amazing. There were the fashion misses, as well as the disasters. The shock value outfits were very low, maybe Hollywood is actually trying to demonstrate some class.

One phenomenon I did see a bit more of was the aging performer. This is wonderful to see, as we are all getting up there in years. The tribute given to those who have passed on was admirable. What was not good to see was the unflattering pictures of these aging once beautiful faces.

Ladies of whom we wanted to see more of now have more skin than we care to see, and all of it has additional lines and spots. The sexy leading men are now hunched over like the monsters, villains, or antitheses they battled against. The mysterious ones now are just odd looking and strange.

I do not blame this completely on the individuals being photographed though. As I stated earlier photographers are artists and they manipulate what you see and the way that you see it. When one of those legendary performers stepped out and  was surprised by the flashes, they could choose to omit rather than release a terrible look on a seasoned face.

Like the malicious misfits of the writing industry, the ones who used to be accused of “yellow-journalism”; photography has their own bastard child , they are the paparazzi. The paparazzi do not care what the picture looks like, just that they have it. Some of them have nerve enough to cross fields and write things as ugly as their invasive pictures show. We feed them and keep them working though. Our need for sensationalism is voracious. Let’s face it”garbage” sells, because everyone wants to feel like they are one-up-on someone else in any way, means, manner, or form.

Maybe this will give rise to a new industry as it did for the medical community; geriatric photos. I am proud to be 53 and look forward to what lies ahead. I do have a slight advantage on a number of people; because I do not love the camera and it does not love me. Therefore our encounters are limited.  For the people who cannot wait to take a picture a cautionary tip;, digital cameras are accurate, quick, and brutally frank.  Now smile and “Say Cheese!”

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , , , ,
24 Feb 2013

Not Who You Think They Are

Clients versus customers; after 4 years in business I realized I had virtually no clients and only a few reliable customers. Is it the economy, is it the nature of my business, or is it ME? Have you ever thought you had something and found out you didn’t, or considered someone in a certain status only to find out the position you put them in was not proper/applicable/deserved? BOOM! I imagine you have heard a person who you are close to say, “oh ___ is my friend, or my friend ____.”  Then there are the patients, caught somewhere in between the four.

There  some areas in the world of advertising and commercialization that should remain untouched. I feel like the medical profession is one of those areas. During our lifetimes we have seen the family doctor evolve. Doctor has transformed from “the kindly, miracle bearing cure-all” to “the stone faced take-a-number/game-of-chance operator”. Don’t be mad at him; we have done this to him, and by “we” I mean society.

What does it take to open up/start up a business? Well of course it depends on the nature of your business. Yet, when you look at a young doctor starting out, there are considerations that must be taken into account. This new fresh physician has student loans (in most cases) that remind you of the National Debt. Everyday these people take lives into their hands with a perpetual monkey-on-their-backs, and we wonder why their bedside-manner is lacking. Then there are the realities of insurance, insurance that they cannot afford and cannot practice without.

If you are fortunate enough to have insurance you may have an HMO plan. This may have been a choice or the only option your employer offered you, but in numerous cases HMO demonstrates and should stand for Health Maintenance Oppressor. Everyone is given the impression they are getting something; the patient has lower cost reliable medical treatment available, the doctors have built-in patients, but they neglected to tell you about the part that you sell your soul to the devil for these “benefits”. The patient is locked into the types and amount of treatment the PLAN feels is acceptable. The doctor is faced with quotas and time restrictions on the care given.

The other type plans may offer more freedom, but they cost you in time and research. Time that you should invest in finding out who this doctor is; where the degree(s) was/were obtained, if there are significant complaints or malpractice suits pending or settled, and still no guarantees or even a promise that the care you receive will be up-to-par.

What these two sited plans do have in common is the power of persuasion facilitated through advertising. Depending on how much spending power you have this power is virtually endless. There can be a picture painted that would convince the strongest skeptic “_____ is the way to go”.

Plastic surgeons were  once looked upon as the bastard child of the medical profession; they had this reputation because of the stigma attached to elected surgery, and they were among the first in the field of medicine to advertise. Pharmaceutical companies have us convinced that we are qualified to suggest a certain medication to our doctors! How, through the media. If I knew what was wrong with me and/or what medications I should be taking, there would be no need for the physician!!!

Now we have the doctor, pharmaceutical company, and/or plan that can afford to make themselves look good in the media, but fail to deliver what they promise or show on television/or ads, in reality. Who suffers?

We must all be more aware, educated, and informed when it comes to our health and well-being. This is merely a carry-over from how busy and complicated our lives are now. However, it all goes back to the grass roots concepts of this piece. You really don’t know who or what you are dealing with, until you discover who or what they think of you.

Posted in As Consumers and tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment
21 Feb 2013
1 Comment

Do You Have “Rock Hard Abs”

I smiled when this title came to me. It could take off in so many different directions. However, I made the conscious decision that I  wanted to write on a positive note. In my defense I do NOT think I write on all or even most bad notes. I think my writing is very realistic and real. I do wander off into fairy-tale land at times; that is because it is a happy-pretty place and I would LOVE to dwell there, in spite of the facts. That being said, lets get started here.

This year in October I will be 54. I am getting close to that retirement pension I never dreamed or thought about when I accepted a position with the Postal Service in 1985. God willing, I will see that pension and enjoy the “fruits of my labor”. My grown sons will be 33 and 28 respectively. My granddaughter will be 5 and will have started school. My hope is my health both physical and mental will be as it is today, very good to excellent.  However, I also hope I have finally gotten to those “Rock Hard Abs”.

What does a 5o-something year old woman want with “Rock Hard Abs”? I will tell you. “Rock Hard Abs” sounds like an advertisement, I won’t tel you it has NOT been a part of some ad campaign or even the name of a fitness program. I will tell you that I have romanticized about them for all my adult life.  They, out of all the things that have eluded me, did not have to be included in that list. Yet, I have allowed them to be just that, a part of my eluded list. This accomplishment will paint a picture of a sought after success. Plus I plan on highlighting my very pretty “innie” belly button with a piercing, my buddies in tow for support and fun.

I went on a program prior to the holiday season in 2012 I lost about 20 pounds, I felt wonderful, and I managed NOT to gain a single pound of it back during holiday time. I was very proud of that fact.  I did eat like it was the holiday season, but I kept up my program of going to the gym. The beginning of the New Year rolled around, and while I do not make resolutions, I proclaimed “This year, 2013 was going to be a GREAT year”. Let me tell you so far it has NOT! As I tried to keep a “stiff upper lip” and “put on a brave face”, I have been drowning. I have wallowed in self pity, I have ate my feelings at times, and I have neglected the gym routine.

With virtually (in my mind) all my hard work out the window. I have had to start from scratch. The reality is; I gained 4 lbs and all of them were MOST obvious to me in the mid-section. Thus the “all my hard work out the window” comment. I do concede that I must restart, in a sense, for the fitness routine has to be a constant and it has to be maintained. I now know that deviating will bring about UNWANTED changes in me.

Where is this positive/up contribution I talked about in the beginning of this piece? Here it is, I came to the realization that the problem I have not only exists within me, but that I in fact created it. Therefore I do have a bit of an inside track to the solution. That makes me feel great. Knowing you are the master of your destiny, that you are in control of a situation that challenges you is freeing. Now I can begin to fix this and attain my goal. This of course is a metaphoric piece. Do you have “Rock Hard Abs” and if you don’t how are you gonna get them?

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , , , ,
21 Feb 2013

What A Way To Celebrate

In honor of Black History Month I submit this with mixed emotions.

My facebook page has two stories that disturb me greatly. One is of an old man accused of and then  fired from his job, as an upper level executive, for racial rants and slapping the child of a stranger on board a Delta flight. The other story is of a nurse suing a  hospital in Michigan for obliging the request of a racist new father, that no black nurse care for his newborn son in the neonatal unit.

The story about the man slapping the child disturbed me because it seems as though his excuse was going to be the alcohol. Now there is an out-and-out denial. The hospital story had me reeling in the barrage of comments(and I added my two-cents-worth) ranging from “How could this be happening in-this-day and age?” to “I don’t want no blacks handling my kid”.

Law versus ethic, personal responsibility versus politically correct.  Yet people from both sides of this subject of Black History Month would both share the common question, “Why is it necessary to celebrate such a thing?” Here is why.

Our old “friend” racial prejudice is alive and well in 2013. This saddens me because I had hoped to witness it’s death by now. Yet in my lifetime, I realize this may not come to pass any time soon. Our society is becoming insulated to the mere existence on one hand, on the other we are hyper-sensitive, and finally we are in a state of denial.

The idea that an adult (or anyone for that matter) would have the audacity to say such ugly things to/about a child and then proceed to put their hand on that same child is appalling.The nurse is scrutinized and accused of being an opportunist for initiating a lawsuit. The lawsuit viewed as a way to make-a-buck off of a frivolous complaint?  Yet the hospital is excused for this particular action because they could have been liable for NOT complying to the father’s demands.

We are victims still, but now we have earned the title of perpetrator and opportunist. How does a victims receive justice in a society such as ours? A society that selectively allows success based on racism and race, but cries foul when laws and policies are enacted to prevent and discourages these practices.

Two stories but the same moral,” Fools who do not know history are destined to repeat it.” Wrapped up in our everyday life it is easy to forget and overlook, damaged by the hurt of injustice past and present we want to forget. However stories like the ones mentioned in this piece are reminders, reminders that we can not let our guards down. Our old foe is lurking about and still can be bold enough to launch an attack. The only way to keep him at bay is to be aware of his existence and not foolish enough to believe he is no longer harmful. What better way of combating a negative than to  disarm it with a positive. Celebrate our victories, contributions and accomplishments. Know you are worthy, know that you count, and remember it ALWAYS.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
21 Feb 2013
1 Comment

Why Won’t You Comb Your Hair!!!!!

Okay I am not a basketball fan but I saw a photo of a certain NBA player posted on my “FACEBOOK” wall, and I had to address this. He looked a “hot mess”. What happened to the days when men tried to look neat, presentable, let alone good?

I have to say it; you all overall, are better looking than the men of old. You have more available to you; more money, more products, more nutrition, why is it unreasonable to expect MORE of YOU! When the “natural” or “afro” was popular in the 1970’s men who were fortunate enough to sport that hair made sure it was clean, neat, and trimmed.  What happened?

I am not letting the straight haired fellows get away with this either. That “grungy”stringy-haired, bearded look is as unflattering on you as it is on castaway lost on a deserted island without the ability to shave and comb their hair, but at least being stranded gives a legitimate excuse.

People in the “limelight” are a big part of this problem. Athletes coming off the field hair all over their heads and faces, musicians sweaty and unkempt; but hey this is generally what you see right after they have finished doing what they get paid to do, playing ball or performing. Operative term being “get paid”.

Grooming is important. Many young people wonder why it is hard to get a job, but there are some basics that will stand the test of time. First impressions last. You MUST always put your best foot forward. I understand and respect your need to be an individual and unique, but not at the risk of sacrificing a livelihood for it. No one wants to hire a person who looks like they have no concept of what being neat is about. This segues into being unorganized and unreliable, Definitely qualities NOT sought after by Fortune 500 companies or any other company for that matter.

You send a message about yourself without saying a word.  Albert Einstein  was notably a genius, but he will forever be remembered for his brilliance with an addendum, his WEIRD looking hair. Dr Cornell West( mixed opinions must be noted here) brilliant professor, but you would be lying if you said his hair and beard did not catch your eye. Point being this look doesn’t work on the older guys either. Double Standard Alert; loads of hair on the head of a woman is desirable and envied, loads of hair on the head of a man suggests uncontrollable and wild.

We say, You can’t judge a book by it’s cover”, but more often than not when it comes to people we do just that. We let the exterior appearance guide us. You are never going to be exactly what everyone expects you to be, there is no accounting for taste.  However, let me point this out to you there is a vast difference in having long hair that may get out of place during the day, and hair that was never combed in place to begin with.  There is a clear difference in growing a beard and being to lazy to shave. You are fooling NO ONE!!  These afore mentioned things tell the world you face ; “I don’t care what you think” and “I am lazy”. Two statements that I can pretty-much guarantee will keep you unemployed and probably alone. I have yet to hear a woman say, “OH did you see that one with the unshaven face, hair all over his head, tee shirt, and ripped jeans.. that’s a man after my own heart.” No offer of employment will say, “Are you defiant, do you think only YOUR opinions count, is unpredictable a fair assessment of your being, then you are the employee we are looking for.”

Lenny Kravitz, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, Jimmy Hendrix, Kurt Cobain; no one would pay attention to their mere appearance now knowing the talent that rests within them, but we all did have to get to know them first. On your individual journey to greatness, stop by a mirror and make a few adjustments before you go off and make history.

Posted in How We Relate, Order of Appearance and tagged , , , , ,
20 Feb 2013

“Pity-Party” For One

Face it, at one point in time or another you have  been the guest of honor at one of these.  When you are told “it’s all in your mind”, no truer words could have been spoken in reference to the “pity-party”. For not only does it take up considerable time, it occupies a bit of space in your life as well.

In the process of being in this down state you not only throw yourself into that whirlpool, but you drag others close to you along for the ride. More of the same. This is a catch 22 , for when I could be most effective in writing this, I am battling to get out of this state and when I am in a good, positive mood I really do NOT want to revisit this time-period.

On a bright-sun-filled late winter/early spring day. I am going to take you there if you are not already, and I am gonna try to take you away from there if you are.

It was a whirlwind romance, you couldn’t have scripted it better then it ends without warning. You spend countless hours,days and weeks go by because YOU cannot figure out what went wrong.   Everything falls into place, you like the same foods, your tastes in music flows so well it is symphonic, you mutually agree to take it slow, but in reality you aren’t because this feels right OR you’ll be damned if anyone can resist you… then out of the blue she is in a relationship with someone else.

Face it folks there are people who” just get you”. Some are well meaning, some are not. When we gel and sync with another someone we call it Chemistry, when in fact what it might be is a simple chemical reaction. You may complete a lab, but that does not mean you will pass the course. Our society makes it seem as though there is a guidebook to finding a “soul-mate”. We want to believe it therefore it is so. However, such a guide is as make-believe as the fairy-tales it tries to direct you to.

My suggestion is to abandon that place you are in and go find a real party, a real place with real people. You would probably be surprised at how many others just left a place that is similar to the one you escaped from. Remember all of us attend these “pity-parties” occasionally, the difference is how long you chose to stay.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , | Leave a comment

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