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Archive for the tag “relationships”

22 Mar 2013
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Sleeping With Anger and Arrogance

What a combination. Add a side of frustration and the recipe is complete. Yes it is complete, but who wants any part of it? Certainly no one who is in their right mind. Sitting around marinating in ones own emotional firestorm is not healthy, especially if it is a negative firestorm.

The intent here was to present two sides from two individual positions, but that did not happen. Sometimes writing takes on a life of its own and the words write themselves. In general, the writing here on my blog is outside observations which have my personal stamp on them because I am the writer. Other times I have to stop because it seems my personal stamp is covering the entire writing. I hope I can successfully turn this generic so publishing it will not seem like a mistake. At the very least my hope is it hits a chord that  gives a sense of “common ground”.

Have you ever watched someone sleep, or awakened to realize the one you were sleeping with was watching you? It is a disarming feeling isn’t it. You want to feel good about it because certainly you would not put yourself in such a vulnerable state with someone who meant you harm. However, the contrary may be the truth.

Think about saying your prayers at night. They are as much ritual as they are anything; but then if your implement a bit of hindsight you REALIZE that not only should you thank the Lord for waking you to see another day, but for protecting you through the night, through your sleep, through your most vulnerable time.

What made the anger appear? Why wouldn’t the arrogance succumb, so that the apology could soften the blows? However, with this arrogance there is no room to be humble. This fuels the anger that resides nearby. They are in the “throws” of a vicious cycle. My friend tells me, “I don’t want to hear any regrets”.  I arrogantly say,” oh there will be none”. What does she know, what does she foresee? Wait, I’m supposed to be angry…and I am just that.

Then to add insult to injury you wake up with one more frown line in your face, or one more headache. Perhaps you don’t wake up, because you were unable to sleep at all and this is cause for wonder…Really.  This is no way to live. Problems are resolved by getting them out there, and talking about them. They will not simply go way if you ignore them, certainly not at this level. Therefore, talk it out and don’t go to sleep with these two elements hanging over you head. It does not make for a restful night.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , ,
05 Mar 2013
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Of Course It Is Noticed

Remember the first time she let you kiss her, or the first time he called you? These things are becoming increasingly passe’, however the feelings attached to them are not. Technology has made us strange and cold. People connect in the most distant and unattached manner. I used to look at my sons with disdain for not leaving a message when they got someone’s answering machine, but the youth of today would rather text than talk.

Under the guise of not having enough time for “this or that” we convince ourselves these disconnects are productive and we can get back to the human side later. The problem is if you let the human side alone for to long it suffers, becomes afraid, and departs. Like the texts that begin without a greeting, thrive for a little while and then drop off and disappear without warning. You see it happening, but have a built in repellent that makes everything okay.

Now she pulls away when you try to touch her, now he is far too busy to call to let you know he is thinking about you let alone running late. At first the changes are subtle, maybe excusable or explainable, then they become blatantly and angrily apparent,  finally they are as a-matter-of-factly commonplace and ignored. Here in this place of seemingly no change, the biggest change is taking place. Silent planning is going on and there is no sense of it in the conscious state.

The subtle changes take over as he sits at the dinner table with her and doesn’t hear a word she is saying, but doesn’t notice she is not saying a word. Flirty smiles from co-workers and kind words from strangers occupy a place in their respective psyche’s that would have otherwise been dismissed. Why, because of the disconnect.

Special people do not need to  mechanically hear they are special everyday; what they do need to hear it/ see it/ feel it  regularly enough that it does not become commonplace, and they are comforted enough by it’s presence that they know it is there without the reminders. When you demonstrate the way you feel do it in a manner that lets them (the ones you love and care for) know they were not an after-thought, but an ongoing existence in your heart and mind.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , ,
24 Feb 2013

Not Who You Think They Are

Clients versus customers; after 4 years in business I realized I had virtually no clients and only a few reliable customers. Is it the economy, is it the nature of my business, or is it ME? Have you ever thought you had something and found out you didn’t, or considered someone in a certain status only to find out the position you put them in was not proper/applicable/deserved? BOOM! I imagine you have heard a person who you are close to say, “oh ___ is my friend, or my friend ____.”  Then there are the patients, caught somewhere in between the four.

There  some areas in the world of advertising and commercialization that should remain untouched. I feel like the medical profession is one of those areas. During our lifetimes we have seen the family doctor evolve. Doctor has transformed from “the kindly, miracle bearing cure-all” to “the stone faced take-a-number/game-of-chance operator”. Don’t be mad at him; we have done this to him, and by “we” I mean society.

What does it take to open up/start up a business? Well of course it depends on the nature of your business. Yet, when you look at a young doctor starting out, there are considerations that must be taken into account. This new fresh physician has student loans (in most cases) that remind you of the National Debt. Everyday these people take lives into their hands with a perpetual monkey-on-their-backs, and we wonder why their bedside-manner is lacking. Then there are the realities of insurance, insurance that they cannot afford and cannot practice without.

If you are fortunate enough to have insurance you may have an HMO plan. This may have been a choice or the only option your employer offered you, but in numerous cases HMO demonstrates and should stand for Health Maintenance Oppressor. Everyone is given the impression they are getting something; the patient has lower cost reliable medical treatment available, the doctors have built-in patients, but they neglected to tell you about the part that you sell your soul to the devil for these “benefits”. The patient is locked into the types and amount of treatment the PLAN feels is acceptable. The doctor is faced with quotas and time restrictions on the care given.

The other type plans may offer more freedom, but they cost you in time and research. Time that you should invest in finding out who this doctor is; where the degree(s) was/were obtained, if there are significant complaints or malpractice suits pending or settled, and still no guarantees or even a promise that the care you receive will be up-to-par.

What these two sited plans do have in common is the power of persuasion facilitated through advertising. Depending on how much spending power you have this power is virtually endless. There can be a picture painted that would convince the strongest skeptic “_____ is the way to go”.

Plastic surgeons were  once looked upon as the bastard child of the medical profession; they had this reputation because of the stigma attached to elected surgery, and they were among the first in the field of medicine to advertise. Pharmaceutical companies have us convinced that we are qualified to suggest a certain medication to our doctors! How, through the media. If I knew what was wrong with me and/or what medications I should be taking, there would be no need for the physician!!!

Now we have the doctor, pharmaceutical company, and/or plan that can afford to make themselves look good in the media, but fail to deliver what they promise or show on television/or ads, in reality. Who suffers?

We must all be more aware, educated, and informed when it comes to our health and well-being. This is merely a carry-over from how busy and complicated our lives are now. However, it all goes back to the grass roots concepts of this piece. You really don’t know who or what you are dealing with, until you discover who or what they think of you.

Posted in As Consumers and tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment
20 Feb 2013

“Pity-Party” For One

Face it, at one point in time or another you have  been the guest of honor at one of these.  When you are told “it’s all in your mind”, no truer words could have been spoken in reference to the “pity-party”. For not only does it take up considerable time, it occupies a bit of space in your life as well.

In the process of being in this down state you not only throw yourself into that whirlpool, but you drag others close to you along for the ride. More of the same. This is a catch 22 , for when I could be most effective in writing this, I am battling to get out of this state and when I am in a good, positive mood I really do NOT want to revisit this time-period.

On a bright-sun-filled late winter/early spring day. I am going to take you there if you are not already, and I am gonna try to take you away from there if you are.

It was a whirlwind romance, you couldn’t have scripted it better then it ends without warning. You spend countless hours,days and weeks go by because YOU cannot figure out what went wrong.   Everything falls into place, you like the same foods, your tastes in music flows so well it is symphonic, you mutually agree to take it slow, but in reality you aren’t because this feels right OR you’ll be damned if anyone can resist you… then out of the blue she is in a relationship with someone else.

Face it folks there are people who” just get you”. Some are well meaning, some are not. When we gel and sync with another someone we call it Chemistry, when in fact what it might be is a simple chemical reaction. You may complete a lab, but that does not mean you will pass the course. Our society makes it seem as though there is a guidebook to finding a “soul-mate”. We want to believe it therefore it is so. However, such a guide is as make-believe as the fairy-tales it tries to direct you to.

My suggestion is to abandon that place you are in and go find a real party, a real place with real people. You would probably be surprised at how many others just left a place that is similar to the one you escaped from. Remember all of us attend these “pity-parties” occasionally, the difference is how long you chose to stay.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , | Leave a comment
17 Feb 2013
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Was It Just Sex.. Really?

On an average day, with nothing in particular to do you look up and there he(or she) is. That someone from your past. Do you remember an incident like this?I am going to give you two scenarios. You thought the face/body looked familiar but it wasn’t until you saw the unique motion/characteristic; you fill in the blank here that you knew for certain. Your eyes meet, at this uncomfortable point in time you have mili-seconds to decide, do I pretend I don’t know/see this person, or do I acknowledge and approach. Well here you are not going to get that choice, because this person is approaching you in a amiable fashion and certainly you cannot be an ass. After being greeted with the open arms and hug you begin talking. You basically do not hear a word, you are smiling and nodding in agreement, for you are in another place.

You are waiting for your spouse/loved one and you hear your name you turn to the sound and there he/she is… Looking rather fantastic and gazing at you like the feeling is mutual. You observe every inch of them as the approach nears. Of course there is an embrace followed by a pregnant pause and seemingly it lasts forever, because you are in another place.

Who are these people are they passengers or just passers-by on our trip though life. Was it just sex.. really? Rufus did a song “Please Pardon Me” and it would be  my choice for the theme song of this piece, if it had a theme song. Look the song up if you don’t know it, but if you do know it and remember the lyric you will understand.

Human beings are sexual creatures;  we like to have sex, in many  instances we must have sex. If you tell a mental health professional you are not having a desire for sex and there is NO physical reason for this, he will promptly prescribe medication or at the very least take your problem/complaint/condition  quite a bit more seriously.

In our innocent youth an exciting, somewhat forbidden discovery. As we mature both chronologically and viscerally a choice to be enjoyed and controlled with our own individual discretion. Again  with time, progressing to the occasion treat or disregarded urge. Until finally we may reach the “psychotic” state, due to our physical or metal condition, of none at all.

Whether satisfying a human need or “making love”, it is a part of our lives and it’s role in our lives is changing. There are always the exceptions. The dedicated Christians who did in fact save themselves for marriage,  they have managed to and still remain true to their betrothed. The self-practicing/self proclaimed celibates, you can’t miss what you’ve never had. However for the remaining folks; stay healthy, happy, and active in it for as long as life permits.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , ,
15 Feb 2013

I Do My Best Work Under Pressure

Little did I know I needed to demonstrate just that. A deadline was rapidly approaching and I had done little work. What I had done was terribly incomplete. My rest was interrupted, my thoughts cloudy and during this crucial time I was playing the game of denial.

After a nightmare I woke to a clear, cold, and beautiful morning. I felt positive and hopeful. I went to work and I was distracted to say the least. For years I warned others of doing the very thing I was doing, waiting until the last minute to take action.

Now the pressure is on and what am I doing? I stopped and took time to look around and reflect. At first it felt like a waste of time, but I realized I could not more forward until I was able to look back. I felt like my feet were stuck in some quick-drying cement. Now what would my next step be?

I needed to implement a course of action, but first I needed a plan. Considering the urgency did I really have time to sit down and figure out a systematic method of doing something. Of course not, my old procrastinating ways had seen to it that time was not a luxury I would be afforded. Yes, I was in fact lost.

In an almost remarkable sense, this is when I began working on my problem. In less than ten minutes I identified my dilemma, I developed steps to fix it. This was where I realized that the reason I procrastinate is not so much the work I have to do, but facing  up to the situation. I put things off because I just don’t like to look at them; these problems make me have to not only solve them but face the “whys”, and the “whys” generally stem from me as the originator. In this mindset problems are defined as failures, and I hate dealing with failure.

I collected my thoughts and began the attack. How many times before had I been at this stage? Motivation took on an entirely new meaning when defenses were summoned. Then I allowed myself to realize that problems are not failures, merely challenges whose ultimate outcome may or may not rest with you. Their existence by no means illustrates outcome. However, the way that you approach said problem(s) and the effort you expend is dependent on you.

On a final note realize that you have to actually factor in something that can be both finite and elusive, TIME. TIME of which you cannot control, only exist within it’s realm. Do be wary, for TIME will catch up to you.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment
15 Feb 2013

A Conservative Twist

Much like a spoiled child, whose behavior leaves much to be desired, is what one comes to expect from people who claim to be conservative. I have known a spoiled child or two in my life. I can honestly say I have lived with some. What they all have in common is wanting their way.

There is a sense of entitlement when it comes to them, but everyone else look out. They can see, point-out, judge, and ultimately disapprove of each shortcoming of other individuals. They are inconsiderate and massive complainers when the least of  difficulties comes their way. Yet, their solution to the ills of the world rest on the shoulders of someone other than them.

The unyielding judgment is plastered onto their faces like a tasteless tattoo. I watched them and have watched their faces as they are in the presence of this sitting President… they hate him so. It is sad. Get this people; if our infrastructure crumbles, if people loose their lives, if industry fails, they are okay with this as long as there is no positive light shed upon this administration and more directly on this President. I was not a fan of George W. Bush but hate him….. naaah, he was just another elected official we had to live through. Perhaps it is my tiny station in life that affords me the cavalier attitude, perhaps I am just not smart enough to understand, maybe it is gender or race based.

To watch the world change and be in a constant state of denial has to be a fretful way to live and that IS what “they” do. However, they must present to others this is not what is happening. Even if little things like facts and evidence prove, as well as demonstrate, otherwise. The metaphor of the rat backed into a corner comes to mind. Simplified the rat fights, he has no choice for he is filled with fear and it is a survival instinct. Think about that rat; snarling spitting attacking with all he has in him. Think of the person who got the rat into the corner, that rat has reeked havoc with its mere existence. The rat has invaded, contaminated, and destroyed. The rat cannot be left alone to scamper away for he will multiply and possibly/more-than-likely bring others just like him back. The obvious choice is, there is no choice, get rid of the rat once and for all. Now who is the rat though? Is  our conservative the survivalist fighting to live or is he the man trying to stop the on sloth/the impending invasion. The answer is easy he is the interchangeable piece.

I am the hippie who did grow up, I loved my time in the wild and return to it periodically. It is a good thing to have and be able to do. They on the other hand never had a childhood(or conveniently forgot it), an innocent-reckless-fun time and they are mad at the world because they missed it. They shall grow old, sour, and meaner alone; that scares the fuck out of them.  Therefore, they want to make life difficult on others for that is their existence; it is their duty and sadly it is their only joy. Truth is they would rather DIE then to see our nation be successful under President Obama. I say,” God grant them all their wish PLEASE!”

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
03 Feb 2013
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Multiple Personalities….Or Just Two Faces

So who are you today? Most people feel as though they are exactly who they were the day before, the same person they have been for however long they have existed on this planet. Yet I think we all have re-invented ourselves once or twice. It could be as simple as a weight loss program, hair style change or as complicated as major surgery( plastic or other).

I laughing refer to myself as different names and variations of my name, but I genuinely TRY to be as “real” as I can with people. I am polite, concerned, friendly, disinterested, faithful, loyal, mean, moody, helpful, and kind to name a few. However, what I am not is disingenuous. Yes, people once again I am writing from the heart. I had an experience just seer my soul. As I point out repeatedly I KNOW I am not alone in what I feel and experience so here is yet another trip into “50-hood”.

Never mix business with pleasure, I had a gut feeling but I didn’t want to accept it and most of all I didn’t want to be right. However, as much as I down-play my sensitivity I know people. Maybe it is a glance you catch out of the corner of your eye, maybe it is electric impulses your body picks up, I can’t really tell you all I know is during my time with this individual(she was a customer) I  always held in the back of my mind,” Oh I would hate to find out/discover she was a… not as nice/cool as she seemed”. Damned if I wasn’t right though. The killer in situations like this is that they can go on indefinitely. I “kick” myself as I think of her. I can still hear in that Tennessee drawl, “Hey Ileeeen”. I recall the first time I heard a southerner with a southern accent say my name. I laughed to myself thinking, ” wow they speak so slowly..” Years of living here has taught me “they” want to speak that way, it is NOT something they cannot help.

My “girlbuddy”; she fit the typical southern woman profile, nice nasty and she took it to a whole other level. She came off like sunshine; she was pretty, seemingly smart and rather worldly (that was shocking to me in itself).  She was not my friend, she was friendly and to the point the mistake was understandable. Her motives were simple; get the most I can and if pretending is an avenue, I will take it. There was NOT an honest bone in her body. She smiled in my face and mounted up things against me. Then one day rather than confront me she lied and told me she could not use my services anymore.  “Dropped me like a lead balloon”.

Look this has happened before and will probably happen again. My business and I are NOT infallible. We can debate professionalism and what the client deserves vs the provider delivers, there will be some level of disagreement. However, I still think everyone should know the truth(You Owe Me The Truth9/28/2011).

Five months after the fact I found out the truth, third party of course. I do not know the depth or detail of what the problem actually was, but I do know that not only did my “girlbuddy” lie to me about letting me go, she has bothered to “bad-mouth” me as well. That is not the most damaging thing I feel; I hate being right in this case and I know that I cannot be surprised by anything people who you work for do.

I violated one of my carnal rules and I will make every effort to avoid such a mistake again. Before I un-friended her on Facebook and blocked her and the entire family; I took a last look at her friends, saw the diversity (yeah right) of them, I remember her clients and I said,” Yeah Tennessee; you shoulda known better!” Well now I do.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , , ,
29 Jan 2013
1 Comment

Does Our Mortality Connect Our Humanity

I was once characterized as having a “Republican” way of viewing things. When this was said of me I was neither insulted or impressed. Since, this was not my political affiliation, the undertones and implications were clear to me. I happily can say, I am still friends with the individual who made that assessment.  I can also tell you LIFE has taught me that the stances I took on numerous things are subject to review, things are not just “black and white”.

More and more of our contemporaries are moving on to the next phase of life. Some touch us more than others, but we are touched just the same. When you find yourself attending more funerals than house parties it has to affect you in some way. If you knew today was your last day on Earth what would you do? How would you treat those around you? Life as you know it would be changed forever. What would be most important and how would you want it conveyed.

I will submit to you something not as final as death, but a major life altering event, a disease discovery. I will leave it to you to determine if it is terminal or not. However, you must take the position it is serious enough that simply ignoring it or going about as though it is not happening, is NOT an option. I want you to think as I relay this writer’s vantage point.

We are dealing with an individual who could never really be touched, not physically and not mentally. Life was a series of conquests and obstacles. No one could be trusted even a close confidant or a family member. To keep that protective shell intact all had to be dealt with as strangers and kept at “arms-length”.

For years of loyalty, dedication, and love the ones who were considered close were rewarded with distance and cold interaction. Then the discovery is made. Now we are afraid; we are hurting, we are confused and we expect compassion, understanding, and love.  However, as much love and affection there is your people have been beaten down. They are numb. They care but wonder how much worse will it be, for if they had you in good condition what will happen as things go bad? A frightening thought for them, a grounding point for you.

Years ago I watched George Wallace, the former governor of Alabama in an interview proclaiming a black man was “his best friend in the world”. I remember seeing  a George Wallace standing on the steps of the University of Alabama some years earlier blocking the entrance to the admissions office. I recall hearing a speech,” Segregation today, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever…”  I watched this now feeble man robbed of the vitality of his youth; his angry hot blood was now meek lukewarm plasma, and his sharp vicious tongue now slowly being silenced by age. I asked myself, after feeling a bit of consolation in seeing him in his condition, does he remember the evil that he spewed from his person. I wondered if he was really sorry for what he had done or did he fear the after-life. I asked myself why I felt good that he was in such bad shape?

We never know when our respective numbers will come up. Questions arise in a simplified form; in order for us to relate, we must have something at stake.  For example; Tobacco Magnate-“How much money would you make off that cigarette, if your ONLY child should partake and then proceed to get TB or Cancer? I’d like to know the answer.”-William “Smokey” Robinson 

You see, we do not know how really sympathetic or humble we can be if we are never challenged or our existence put on the line. Then when we are put to the test, when we have something to loose we have to ask ourselves are we making our decisions based on doing the right thing, seeing the light- our Humanity shining through or is it simple fear of retribution from sources unknown- our Mortality being exposed.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , , , ,
26 Jan 2013
1 Comment

If You Can’t Be Honest With Me, Then

This is a matter of trust and feelings. Have you ever asked someone for an opinion and then when you did get it you got mad? Sure you have, we all have.  Now ask yourself what the reason was behind the anger; was it having someone give you an answer or some information you did not really want, or was it having to face something you already knew the answer to but had not/could not/would not act on.

At this point in our lives there are few things we encounter that we do not have some type of answer to. There are not a lot of surprises left. Not saying we have ALL the answers, far from it; simply the new, the strange, the out-of-the-ordinary does not occur as often as it used to. Therefore, when we talk or communicate with one another we are for-the-most-part, seeking a sounding board rather than a prophet.

This is where the reliability of the communication comes in. Can you count on your counterpart(s) to be honest, truthful, and up front? Well why would that be a problem? I will tell you why because often times lies SEEM to be the easy way out. I am not talking vicious  ones either; there are the “kind for-the-sake-of-sparing-your-feelings”, there are the “little white lies”, there are the omission. Lets get text-book and even antiseptic here, they are all deceptions are they not? Don’t get me wrong because placed under oath about this subject, I would sweat and even invoke my 5th Amendment Rights. I am just being real.

You may know one or two truly vicious or mean liars, folks that actually intend on hurting someone with their untruths. However most of us are opportunist and/or cowards; we are looking for the easy less abrasive way of saying something. Our lies give us a chance to regroup or bide time. Then there are the folk who are simply delusional, they would tell you,” I never lie”. I know some very honest people… NEVER is a very long time.

Understand I am not condoning this, I do not have adequate time or space to explain it. This is simply a short examination of it, prompted by personal experience. I am not suggesting everyone you know or speak to is lying to you, nor am I saying they are perfectly honest. Simply there are questions and tasks placed upon us that we all must realize challenge our perimeters and abilities. Expect only as much of others as you are able or willing to do and then take note an exception is always a possibility.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , ,

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