hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

Archive for the tag “motivations”

15 Oct 2011
1 Comment

Deal With It

I read an inspiring piece this morning, it was in regards to relationships with loved ones. It was not unusual; for it dealt with how limited and uncertain our time on this Earth is, and how we ought to let loved ones know they are loved every day. For as certain as it is that we have loved ones, there is or will be turmoil.

My personal friends and family know that I am an active participant in conflict on a daily basis. I welcome debate and exchanges. They also know I am a “head-on” type and this clashes with my attempts to be a more “gentle-christian” type of individual. I cannot say I have mastered the art of being direct with compassion, and if I am honest I have to say there are often minimal efforts made depending on the circumstances and individual (s) involved. Big surprise, partial confession; no on part one and affirmative on part two.

I completely agree with what I read this morning. I learned that lesson long ago and began practicing what I learned. The problem is the challenges of dealing with individuals. What about the exceptions and the “what-ifs”? What do you really do when those loved ones that you cherish so much happen to be taken from you during that time of turmoil? Truth be known it is not that easy to say at the conclusion of an argument, “yeah well I love you so much”. Be realistic, in most arguments one is caught-up in the moment.

Now I have to get away from sounding so callous and mechanical, now I have to talk about one being the bigger person. There is a pregnant pause here, because I had to take in air. It is not ALL ABOUT YOU, let me make that clear. Now stop taking yourself so very serious, stop feeling sorry for YOU, and look at the big picture. This means saying I am sorry when you are not necessarily the one at fault. It means actively pursuing someone who seemingly does not want to be sought out.

In some cases one has to be away from their normal character, but in this process  the strength of that same character is demonstrated. I am not by any stretch saying this will be easy, but it is easier than some of the other alternatives.  Don’t sell yourself or the ones you love short here. In this direct “deal with it” attitude you come face to face with real feelings and emotions, this allows you to get to some things instead of running away from them.

“I love you but I don’t like you”, may seem cliche’ at times yet often times it is so very true.  You just don’t loose that love for someone because they hurt you or made you angry. Yet that anger and hurt are all so real as well. It is not unheard of or terrible to get or be angry with people you love and care about. Padding that anger with an automatic “I love you” does not change that anger. I think the best thing you can give to ones you love and yourself is honesty, and honesty is a tall order.

Therefore, I say be honest, direct, and real with these people and these feelings. Have compassion and tact in the process, but if by chance something occurs in the midst of some turmoil in your relationship and you do not have an opportunity for a “do over” be comforted in the knowledge that these folks do know you. More than likely at some point they may have been faced with the dilemma of dealing with it as well, but afforded the luxury of time to get through it.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , , ,
02 Aug 2011

Why Is This News….

Jesse James is planning his wedding to his tatoo artist Kat Von D? When this was plastered across my laptop screen and I thought,” Who gives a (we’ll just say) hoot?”What was Richard Willams showing his daughter Serena? Are Wills and Kate taking the USA by storm. What is Bristol Palin’s opinion about pre-marital sex?

My question is what has happened to the news? Now we could go back and forth about the line between news and gossip. Newspapers and reporters used to take pride in what they did and the service they provided. Now all they care about is getting information out there, even if it is bad information. They all know that in our rushed society all that we care about is speed and simplicity. Therefore it is easy to let things go, no one has time to truly investigate. If one bothers to take time to verify information they may miss the chance to “break the story”, so it is left to chance that the information is correct on some level or the other. What is important is you heard it first and where you heard it from.

I am amazed at how the media is so willing to take chances with misinformation now. They will write-it, publish it, say it and hide behind the so-called right to keep the source private. When in actuality on a number of occasions these are just out and out LIES!
Our newspapers and magazines are gossip columns and the gossip columns credible newspapers and magazines. The  parts/roles have become interchangeable and we let it happen.

There was a time when the news took up a particular part of the day. Honestly, a couple of hours of everyone else’s reality was more than enough for me. Now our news agencies are battling for ratings along with our entertainment. Perhaps, that is how and why we have gotten where we are. Someones pain and misery, someone’s dysfunctional family gives us reason to tune in. Yet, we act surprised when  the airways and newspapers are filled with questionable data.

We demand and require little therefore the result is exactly what we should expect, given the requirements. Personally I do not want valuable information mixed in, mixed up with my mindless indulgences. Yes I am as guilty as the next of watching/reading things that are clearly of no value other than shock or disgust. We have to realize at some point though, if there is no market for this material it will soon wither and die. We have to make a choice and perhaps a sacrifice or two, but in the long run we will benefit from a decision to demand more from the agencies that represent themselves as News Services.

Posted in As Consumers and tagged | Leave a comment
28 Jun 2011
2 Comments

Cleaning Out The Closets

This being a milestone for this is the 50th post on my blog, I think realizing one of  the new awakenings at this stage is important. The Closet; what does it represent, what is its purpose, and how is it being used? It has been a place that housed things properly, it has hidden things, and things have been lost in there.

Walking into my closet made me aware of many feelings. I remember when it was a place of turmoil and confusion; what on Earth will I wear today? Where are my black pumps? I recall it being a place of awe; There is so much room in here. Then there is the present in which it represents need; a need to clean out, be it throw away, donate, or organize, it is still a place of need.

Certainly there are some shoppers out there. I have always been one myself. I cannot attest to particularly good taste. I do believe I have made some good choices over time. Now a great deal of my shopping is for another generation. My granddaughter, mi nieta,  as I like to call her has managed to do what her grandfather is incapable of; she has space in my closet in our master bedroom. She didn’t ask for it, I gave it to her. The family laughs and are amazed at the same time by the fact that this phenomenon has occurred.

Now space is not really an issue, there is still plenty of room. What I see is there are things that no longer belong in there. Items that no longer “fit” for one reason or another. Like the decision to no longer color your hair, one day YOU realize that it isn’t working anymore. Not necessarily that you don’t like it, but it isn’t believable or it just isn’t who you are. Then I must face the fact that there are still uncertainties here. As some colors and styles are no longer flattering, the question arises, what does work now?

This will be a process and it will begin with organizing. Organizing thoughts, I have to have a plan.  The plan must be carried out with intent,  methodically. The way the plan is carried out will demonstrate how successful the process will ultimately be.

Phase I: Removal. When and where do I start? As I take away the clutter, the unnecessary things in that space as well as that space itself will begin to become clean, clear, and unprotected. Huummm, am I ready for that?

Phase II: Re-Organize. Put everything remaining in a proper space, perspective.

Phase III: Replace. This must be done carefully, for there is a danger of the same clutter returning and returning rapidly.

Phase IV: Revel and Realize. This is a nice change, but it an ongoing process that requires attention and maintenance.

Phase V: Repeat and Re-apply. Move on to the next  “closet” or area.

On an ending note, Good Luck!

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , ,
17 Jun 2011

Our 15 Minutes

This one was “deep”. So much ran through my mind and soul in church. I tried to jot down notes, but I was so focused on what Pastor Kevin was saying. I am gonna run with this and see where it ends.

This fabled space that we all will occupy, at one point in time or another. The place in time and space where the spotlight will be on us and we want it there too. Whether we realize it or not. Perhaps that is why I tied the sermon on judging into this piece. For judging is so superficial, in your face if you will. When the discussion moved to how we make judgements based on what we see what is out front without knowing the back story, I connected the dots.

In our 15 minutes we put the best that we have forward, even if it is only a facade. We must keep up those all important appearances However, not knowing the full story or not being able to see beyond what is in front of us does not make the reality of it any less. How much of that 15 Minutes would you want if the spotlight was directed at you and only a very tiny bit of the story was clear, if you weren’t ready for your “close-up”.

Let’s take the camera off of ourselves and point it in another direction, are you going to be as careful with those same shots at someone else as you would hope someone else would be with you? Be honest, you are going to take random and candid shots, you aren’t going to wait for them to make ready. The result may very well be some unflattering images and you think,”Ooh I wouldn’t want that to be me, why didn’t they look up at the right time, why didn’t they check themselves out before hand”. Now take those same statements in a literal context and apply it to what you think or say about another individual when you are passing judgement. However, it won’t really hit home until you apply this same principle to yourself directly.

Cameras, photography, mirrors and even microscopes are excellent metaphoric devices for judging; they should be used interchangeably for Our 15 Minutes, perhaps we would be more cautious with our judging if we did.

Posted in Ecumenically Speaking, Epiphany and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
18 May 2011

Returns And Replays

The hauntings of our past sometimes call out to us. On a quite afternoon when you don’t have anything in particular to do, will you find yourself trying to make busy in order to avoid the reality of a time gone by slipping or even forcing its way into your psyche.

All I wanted to do was take a quiet little nap, a nocturnal rest had evaded me the previous Friday. I put on some soft jazz from the late seventies and then I was transported back.  My dog wasn’t barking, the cats weren’t meowing, because they were not there in a decade of my youth. In present day I watched the leaves on trees in my backyard rustle in the wind, but in my mind I felt the ocean breeze of Redondo Beach on my face. How I wanted to be able to return to that time and space. Only for a little while, though.

In the midst of this all, I got an e-mail. Remember the fledgling stages of this necessity of today? My former employer has been made quite obsolete because of it. Without being personal I have to say, the cosmos will interrupt your life on occasions and take you somewhere before you realize you should be not be there.

Where are we returning to or are we simply trying to escape? The current headlines are of chaos and gossip. What are we coming to? It was so different way back when. It wasn’t really that different, our priorities were different and information wasn’t as readily available. It seemed that we had stronger, better values. Therefore, we can now claim it was better then. With the soundtracks of that time, the era seems a lot better. Today we have to live life without the benefit of those sounds, sounds that memory adds and makes it all seem surreal. In the now we have to operate without commercial interruptions, and we come face to face with the fact we need a break from real from time to time.

Looking back allows us to  reminisce and reflect, but if we continue in that mode we could easily run into something we might have avoided had we been looking ahead. Spend a  little time with those special thoughts of things gone by and then give equal time to making plans for times to come.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , | Leave a comment
21 Apr 2011

The Consequence Of Overindulgence

You can have your cake, and eat it too; but what about the stomach ache? Is having everything your way so important that you would risk something truly valuable, in order to obtain that which you think you want.

In our greedy, self-absorbed, instant gratification minded society it is no wonder. I remember laughing and even thinking the name of a Cruise ship named Hedonism was cute and catchy, now it doesn’t seem so amusing or acceptable. In our society the excesses are sought after. What’s wrong with the pursuit of what is grand, beautiful, luxurious? After all, haven’t we earned it at this juncture in our lives?

Do you play the lottery; how much and how often do you wager? Do you love to shop; where are the sales this week? These are simple, harmless pass-times and I imagine those of you who answered affirmatively to the first part of those questions really believe that. However, they were “leading” questions and that is the root of the problem. Where does it ultimately lead to.

If you have ever owned a puppy you have undoubtedly been warned NOT to overfeed it. For a puppy will eat itself to death. It simply wants more and cannot say no. What about us? Do we suffer from a chronic case of “The Mores”? I certainly believe the marketing industry believes it to be true and trust me they do not want us to be cured. They have capitalized of of our condition and offered temporary fixes. Never mind those fixes come with consequences and side affects. They are merciless and are not bound by moral of any type. Their “dirty-pool” mentality allows them to attack the weakest and most vulnerable, they start on us as children.

In a self examination, I played a game I used to play as a child. This game did not require any pieces and it also did not require any other participants. However, you could have others involved if you chose to. Imagination was the only component necessary. It was called “What Do You Want”? I thought this would be a simple trip down memory lane, but I wanted to give a spot of reality and fact to it. The plan was to  briefly address “BARBIE“. Collector or not, male or female, privileged or poor. we all know of “BARBIE“. I wanted to show how a little girl’s dream, wish, desire was to have all the “BARBIE” dolls there were, and how impossible and preposterous a it was. However, what I discovered was it was nearly as impossible to find out something as simple an actual number.

Boundaries and perimeters defeat us in our quest for a “hedonistic” existence, still we gravitate in that direction.  I was introduced to the decadence of cheesecake as a child, my parents warned me not to eat too much, to only get very small slices when I did eat. Well, being an enthusiastic eater I did not heed the warning. I overdid it and became sick. It wasn’t that I did not believe my parents, but my desire for more overtook me and my desire for control.

More, more, more I say if that is your mindset then be prepared to end up in a place whose theme  is “Thanks for visiting and check your soul upon entry”.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
19 Apr 2011

Do You Think I’m Sexy?

Rod Stewart asked that question decades ago. It was funny and a conversation piece; for at the time we were all young, beautiful, and sexy in our own individual ways. Now as the gap closes in on us our minds still visit these places and see these things, but the vantage point has clearly changed.

I remember seeing the “May/December” romances playing out on the silver screen and shaking my head in disbelief. I thought “oh my goodness what would she  really want with him”. “Him” being Mr.December and at the time Hollywood was still making everyone in major roles great to look at regardless of age, station in life, current condition.  Now a new animal is on the prowl and she is called “cougar”. She is also as open to the verbal and mental scrutiny of young and old alike. For after all what do the young, exciting, viable want with the moderately slowing down and aged? Here’s another twist, what do we want and expect of each other.

Our children would clearly be repulsed, for even if we do not have the mature and matronly figures, the idea of a parent being anything but a parent is just absurd. We can be successful, attractive, and wise; those are acceptable. Our children are very smart; educated, sophisticated, and worldly; yet this aspect of us completely escapes them. That idea is not unreasonable, I think this aspect even escapes us . No one prepared us for growing older and being in a physical and psychological limbo.

Some of us are in denial. We venture into the cliche’ mid-life crisis arena and we should expect to be slaughtered. We act, dress, and attempt to think like we are still the same individuals that fit into a size three; when we could easily use another numeral in front of that three. Our male counterparts pretend not to feel every bone crack as they try to dunk the basketball like it was done in college, while simultaneously holding the protruding abdominal area in with such force one’s head might explode before giving in and breathing. While these are laughable extremes on some level, I think we all have to own up to a little of it.

Yes, this is very touchy and very subjective. As previously noted some folks in our group are holding-up/going to hold-up better than others among us, why not if you are so compelled at the very least stay within your rankings. Realizing we are a group that hates guidelines, rules, etc., but at some point we do have to abide by them. We have been very successful at what one may say is getting around these standards, or we can call it exactly what it is CHEATING. Accessible plastic surgery has made a lot of us experts.

However, here is a thought; as we see ourselves change why don’t we embrace the change, and let our tastes change right along with our being. As more scalp begins to show, cut it close to enhance the fact there is a nice face to concentrate on without the distraction of all that hair.  Don’t look at the increased size as the inability to wear a bikini, but as an opportunity to allow the cover-up to give you a bit of mystery. My salt and pepper gray now give me the hi-lights I never could manage to wear in my youth. Remember, it is a question. DO YOU THINK I’M SEXY? Perspective and perception work in our favor here.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment
19 Apr 2011
2 Comments

Finding Your Muse

I really didn’t think I had one. This is a bit of an inside joke and I will leave it there. Just smile with me.

I thought that my works would be labored. I enjoy this project, but it is time-consuming and difficult. Then it happened, I stumbled upon a motivating force. In effortless sweeps, my fingers are flooded with that which is on my mind and I am able to get these thoughts down. They come as gentle whispers, but they are strong like hunger pangs. I have been in a state that resembles auto-pilot. It feels good. I have but one fear and that is will it stop. If it does, that does not mean I will not write, it just means I will have to concentrate. While I have the benefit of presence, I will enjoy and capitalize. My current dilemma again is time itself.

Can you think of anything that is more rewarding than to start something and being confident that it will turn out well? I will take it further, you have the expectation of good results because anything less is a foreign thought. That is what it feels like to be in tune with your muse. We all have a muse, because we all have some talent. Your talent may be something you have overlooked, and that is perhaps why you have not been in touch.

My muse is a beautiful, welcomed visitor.  One that listens, advises, and inspires. I am told one cannot find their muse, their muse must find them. I know that to be true, because mine certainly slipped up on me. I do think the effects will be long term and that is a good thing. Therefore, do not go on an all out hunt for yours. Sit back and relax, that is all the invitation necessary. Your muse will come.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , ,
09 Apr 2011

III- “hafawayto

Destinations, as you think about travel there is the point you reach where you can choose to go on or turn around and go back. If you had to guess do you think you are more inclined to go forward or do you turn around. This is about the known and the unknown.

Oftentimes when I write I have snippets of inspiration, other times they are flailing thoughts. I must periodically ask myself why am I writing and to whom? I want the consistent, smooth, melodic flow. Yet, I exist in a state of constant indecision at least part of the time.

Here we are getting very close to retirement and what start a new career, with a new company. Never mind you are ignored, unappreciated, treated like a number. The house is where we have always lived, yes it is getting harder to keep maintained in costs and efforts. The lump does seem to be getting a little larger, but I have a physical in six months…Knowing what will happen next doesn’t seem to be daring, but look back at those examples. Making a change or taking a chance could be risky, but deciding to wait and see what happens is as well.

In youth it seems easy to take action, start over, simply start something new, but as we age we have so much more to ponder over first. The repercussions and ramifications of our actions, who it will or will not affect, you get the idea. Are young people the “devil-may-care” individuals we think they are or is it they feel they have nothing to loose? Are we as older folks  the stable Rock of Gibraltar beings or are we simply paralyzed by fear? I mean I can be as impulsive as the next person, just give me a little time to think about it first. As for the destinations of life; do you care how you get there as long as you arrive. That is a point well worth pondering over.

Posted in Hafwaythroughpoints and tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment
23 Mar 2011

Let Go and Let’s Go

Simply, this is about release and moving on.

I have a beautiful pedigree cat, a Ragdoll. I adopted him a decade ago, he was a rescue. I laid eyes on him and thought, ” What a pretty cat. I’d like to have him”. I talked to his foster parent and get this sad story of a tormented, terrorized beauty. Well we had room for him in our home and I was ready for another cat in my life. I renamed him Storm,  partially because he was the color of threatening clouds and he had they deep blue eyes, but mostly because I hated his name Toby.

It had been 10 years since I had a cat, Yheti was a beautiful Himalayan Flame Point with soulful blue eyes who I got as a young cat of six months. He loved me and I loved him. When I came home in the afternoon, he was waiting at the door for me. He would come to me when I called  him.  You really have to be a cat owner to understand a close relationship with a cat. They are solitary,  independent, oftentimes moody creatures; you may pick one of them as a pet, but they decide if they want you. Yheti belonged to me. He became ill suddenly and we had to put him down. I left one morning with a cat that I knew was ill and returned home with a broken heart. Many years would pass before the thought of cat ownership would occur to me again.

Back to Storm. I knew there would be an adjustment period, but had no idea how very long that period would be. He was never the kind of pet his pedigree suggested. Noted for loving to be picked up and held, you did well being able to pet him on his back. Perhaps the ultimate blow was when he decided he preferred my eldest son, who did not even live with us at the time. The years passed and Storm did not change.  My position was to serve as caretaker/nurse. I accepted I had selected a creature who would never be a pet, at best he was a fixture.

Now he is 12, his health is not great, but it is not terminal. He is simply getting old. He could die tomorrow or live another 8 years(some exclusively indoor cats live 20 years), either of which I feel indifferently toward. I know that sounds bad, however it is true.

I spent a lot of time to talk about a cat, a pet if you will,  and not a very good one by my own admission. One may ask why. Here it is, my cat is characterizing how I think we are dealing with changes that occur in various times in our lives. The youth are impatient, anxious to get on with “it”, they have a vast unknown to discover and loads of time to do it in . The ones we consider elder folks want to slow things down, their unknown is plagued with the knowledge that the inevitable is probably close at hand. Then there is us. We tend to be stuck in neutral, we wait for something to happen rather than make it happen. We are not strongly in favor of slowing down, but we are not ready to jump feet first into anything either. We have a lot of recollection and memories to reflect upon. However, there is still the vague uncertainty of what is to come and when. Our challenge is, “What about The Now”, for this is the place where we currently reside?

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Post Navigation

Newer Entries →