hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

Archive for the tag “communication”

08 Jun 2012
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A Fairy Tale Come True

Who do you know that fits this description. As I look over pages of different friends profiles, I see so many photos. The ladies are beautiful and radiant, the gentlemen are dashing and proud. What a world waiting for them.

I don’t want to burst any bubble here, but I cannot help saying….. take the chloroform away. Our era weddings and marriage was different from our parents. Today there is an ongoing debate about homosexuals being able to marry in our country. I say” who really cares”, but it is not that simple. This is as volatile as the political and religious debates, for it encompasses them both. However, you have to ask yourself WHY.

Who does not dream of an idyllic existence. A life uncomplicated with worry. The right place, the right mate everything as it should be or very close to this. Who are we to deny anyone the right to have this very thing.

Marriage a sacred and holy alliance between a man and a woman. What does this mean to you, what does it mean to “us”. We have grown up during a time period when divorce was whispered about, now approximately 50% of all marriages end in them. No more whispering here.

I go back to those handsome and beautiful smiling faces. They are so full of joy and hope. Why would you want to deny anyone the opportunity to feel those very same things. Keeping human beings from basic needs is a terrible thing to overcome; and the very ones who deprive often end up feeling the results of the same hurt and disappointment they have inflicted, in other ways.

If the bride wears white and the groom wears black, or both brides have on white suits, or the grooms sport matching Hawaiian shirts let everyone have their fairytale moments.  The more happy human there are around, the more happiness there is to go around.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , ,
29 May 2012
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XI-haftakingabreak

Rites of Passage and Milestones; I thought reaching the century mark would be massive for me on my blog. It was an accomplishment, but then I seemed to feel like I needed to give my blog more time. I was working on the book and just working period. There really were not enough hours in the day for me to accomplish anything. As I kept active with the blog, days and weeks passed without me even looking at the book. I had a target date in mind and I certainly could not get to that point without dedicating some of my time to my book. I think my readers can relate. Often times we have to stop and back away from a thing in order to get a good look at what is needed, and what comes next.

Thus, I am starting my break. There are a few things for folks to read or read again until I make a little progress on the book. I would love to have 125 pages written in the book, when I return. That is small in itself, but with 125 blogs done the number seems tangible.

I am feeling lost and apprehensive. I am abandoning that which was familiar to me and it is very difficult. My goal now established, I must venture out and move toward that goal. Time and time management is very important here, I am still “counting” and I will be back. Hopefully with more insight, more accomplished, and more focused. After all, I am only half-way-there.

Posted in Hafwaythroughpoints and tagged , ,
22 May 2012
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Patient’s Patience

To all of the “Angel’s of Mercy”out there, I salute you. There are no others like you upon this Earth.

All of us will be relegated to the spot of patient at some point in time. It is what you demonstrate while you are in that status that counts. A difficult place to be in; sick, tired, in pain. You feel alone, no one understands what you feel. There is the vulnerability and need. As time goes on anger and resentment sets in. These are all understandable, but do you get a free pass? Is it okay to treat the folks who are around you, the folks trying to help and comfort you, badly. I understand that you may not or are very likely NOT aware of what you are doing, but trust me when someone says it to you, it is true.

When you are not a medical professional, you are handicapped in your attempts to help someone who is suffering. Some people are grateful to have someone willing to try to help. Then there are the others who, unwittingly, make it painfully obvious that their would be helpers are inept. This serves little purpose, for you need help and a bad attitude will oftentimes leave you without assistance or with a begrudging helper.

In your pain and illness do not allow yourself to believe that in order for one to be understanding, sympathetic, or helpful they MUST be lying in the bed with you experiencing what you are currently going through with the same degree or exactness as you. You take away the desire to try to help, and possibly leave yourself in the very spot you want to avoid. Two people in the exact same place will see and hear very different things. In having that understanding, patient I beseech you to employ YOUR patience.

As with most everything attitude is everything. It helps the patient in the healing process, it helps the caregiver with a sense of appreciation which motivates. Motivation that is essential for all parties to continue on.

Think of that nurse, who was particularly kind to you, when you were hurting and not so very easy to get along with. Realize she or he was “just doing their job” when they helped you through a rough pain episode. Process in your mind these are trained professionals who absolutely selected this spot they are in, because they felt a little something more than the monetary gain. Think of how very special these nurses are. Then think about the person you have at your disposal. They may not be equipped with a degree, they may not have the intricate medical training, but they are armed with the desire to help. Compassion; don’t run or push them away because you as a patient, cannot draw on a bit of understanding and patience yourself.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , , , ,
28 Apr 2012
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“They’re Just People”

If I never remember anything else about the film And Justice for All I  will always remember the hurt in Al Pacino’s voice as he said that line, to his fellow attorney and friend who had under the guise of helping, had inadvertently and indirectly caused Al’s client to kill himself.

I listen to people randomly rant what they believe to be logic, applying absolutes to situations that absolutes clearly cannot be applied to. So much can be said for the adage”walk a mile in his shoes”. Until it hits you in your heart you may be able to trick yourself into believing, what you think now would be the same if a loved one was involved.

I had to reach for a painful spot in order to write this and the trouble is, I did not want to revisit that pain. However, I did want to get this out and I thought it would only as powerful as my ability to convey the hurt and seriousness of the subject. Once there, I was amazed at how the feelings were revived.

I remember my heart racing, my entire being filled with anxiety as I sat in the very place that I had not long ago shook my head in cold disapproval. I have difficulty writing about it even now. Watching television programs about our justice system only scratches the surface of a real problem that exists in our society, in our community.

I bet you know him, I bet he is related to you or has some close personal tie to you. Maybe you don’t talk about him, maybe you don’t think about him, but that does not make him any less real.

A dear friend of mine excitedly told me of her loved ones impending release from prison one day. I am a cynical sarcastic being, who attempts to be cordial and kind to people I love, like, and care about. I was less than enthused, but for her sake I responded positively. I recall very clearly thinking,'”I wonder why the hell she is so happy about that, undoubtedly he did something to land his behind in there…” I never said those words to her, but the terrible thoughts were embedded in my psyche. One day I would  remember those words from quite a different perspective.

The docudrama LOCKUP was on and my husband made a rather sarcastic remark, I looked at him oddly and left the room. I thought to myself, “Don’t you remember?” There are some very great people who have been imprisoned. They span the annuals of time from the Bible until now. Prison, though a generally bad place, is not always the worse thing that can happen to someone. I never thought I would feel this way, I never thought this could touch or affect me.  Then it did, and my entire world was set on end. That in itself  was/is a very grounding thought and experience.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , , , ,
24 Apr 2012
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Prospective Perspectives

What a difference a day makes… I say that with a smile. We travel along our routes in life and never give a second thought to our state of being  unless it puts us into an noticeable frenzy. We are a flood of emotions, crashing up against one another like waves into the coastline, but this doesn’t even cause a conscious stir until those emotions are at tidal wave proportions.

A few years ago I was a powder keg and I wasn’t slightly aware of it until I departed from the situation. Something as simple as a job change, changed my entire being, my entire point of view, my perspective. Yet this is about the results of actions that I did not necessarily orchestrate. Day in and day out I did this job with little or no passion, slightly above the  level of expectation for the resolve of no conflict. I saw no future so I behaved as such.

What if I had channeled that mediocrity to another area, an area where I could have a different view, a place where my prospects were good or at the very least they existed? My perspective was marred by the negative and I let that same “negative” serve as my compass. That compass took me nowhere fast. Most of us aren’t fortune tellers, but we do have the ability to express what we would like to see or have. The vision is paramount and it should come first, then you must take an active role in making that vision something solid and tangible. Otherwise you end up back in the same or a similar place asking the same questions.

Perhaps you have a relationship that needs examining, personal or professional sometimes you just have to stop and take a step back to see the entire picture. The distortion you see may not be in the picture, it may be in you.The thing I did learn is one must continue to work at making these changes in one’s life. It is so easy to fall back into the same bad habits .  Therefore, I am being a positive forward thinker; in turn my prospects have taken on an entirely new light, and my perspective is good because of it.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , ,
20 Apr 2012

By The Standards Of Others

Someone else’s wants, needs, and desires. Their schedule, their clock. Where do you fit in, well it is simple you are for their benefit, placed in a spot most appealing and useful to them. Not since my children were infants have I been willing to accept such a position. That does not mean I have not found or put  myself in that very position, though.

Jobs and society place these requirements upon us all the time. However, there are other areas that make an attempt to do this as well and often time it is not well received. Personal relationships are a challenging area, because these are self-inflicted choices.

Let me start with I hate the feeling of being controlled by tyranny, be it animal, vegetable, mineral, individually or collectively. In my most eloquent way of expressing myself, “It Sucks!” Bound by what YOU think I should do. Where does it end? Time space, or place is not immune either. However, we must all submit to this  standard on one level or another. Generally it is not constant and there is some underlying benefit to one submitting to such.

As we keep our vantage point on our “mid century being”, this experience will take us back, way back to childhood. While many of us cherish and reminisce our youth, this aspect of this type of control is rarely endearing. I’ll take a does of energy and fun, over disciplined control every time. Yet what guides, drives, and keeps us in places where we expose ourselves to this phenomenon.  It is simple; needs, wants, and desires. Satisfaction of these are  necessary and reasonable. The problem come into play when there is not a fair equitable exchange, or when you can no longer see it as being such.

I will not give you case studies or examples here. Realistically, we all have to submit in some area(s). We all choose to submit or not in others.  What we have to do is know OUR cut off point, and be able to do just that, in each of those instances.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment
22 Mar 2012
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One Love

In light of very recent events,THE TRAYVON MARTIN CASE, I have quite consciously had to step back and look at my people.

Where do I begin? I think I should start with how much I love “US”! I get angry at times. Sometimes I feel like being disassociated and disconnected.  However, more than anything else I am proud of “US”. We on a daily bases take lemons and make lemonade, but guess what? We are often tasked with” making lemonade without the lemons PERIOD”. We continue on and we keep believing things will get better. Sometimes we do demonstrate the competitiveness of the “crabs in a barrel”. However,  don’t cross us or you will see that we are family. The biggest family of determined, relentless, spirited individuals you ever want to meet. I want to say if there was a doubt in anyone’s mind; the vast majority of us would NOT trade who we are for the prospect of money or an easier life, if we had to denounce who we are or change our hue (Clarence Thomas and Larry Elder excluded) . All we want is our equal share, a fair shake. Something OUR wonderful America has had a difficult time in allowing us to have, let alone delivering to us. The very rights whites demand and take for granted, we have to lose our lives to TRY to obtain. It gets old, it gets tiresome, but one day America is going to get it right.

Therefore, hang on my beautiful, powerful, crazy, talented, smart, sweet, dynamic brothers and sisters. In the shadows of tragedy we will rise to the top, AGAIN.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , , ,
14 Mar 2012
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X-Hafa…What-Now

How about that for a question. For Post 100, I figured it should be something special.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Something that would connect the blog to the writing. Not so suddenly, I ran out of ideas for this. Then it came to me, I would follow in the footsteps of one of my favorite groups “Chicago” no frills titles for their albums, they let the songs and music speak to you. Beyond the greatest hits, all you have to do is to be able to count. Thus after this post under this tag, all I will do is use Roman numerals to identify these pieces.

Post 100 or X has to live up to a lot, at least it does for me. I do not want it to merely be full of fluff to get me to that number. It has to have character and it has to have content. So what about these half way points. These, from this point forward, pieces that originally were to earmark things that my mid-life experience experienced.  One thing is there never seems to be a lack of material only a lack of time and concentration.

I began thinking of stalemates and being stagnant. Now I am a talker, I have been dubbed this long before I could write. Therefore, I believe I will always have something to say. Whether it is worthy of reading or writing is discretionary. I felt pretty convinced that words would never escape me, but in Post 100 I must come to terms with  my stalemate, my book.

While filled with great ideas and an outline as to where I want to go…. My outline is the longest contribution to this upcoming book of mine. I think about life; I compare it to travel and the point of no return. I do not concentrate on that much when I travel, but then it seems overall we do not think about that point much in life either. I believe we should. I think we should consciously visit that point in our everyday decisions. I am not suggesting we sit down and ponder all aspects of our life with this formula, merely to take it into account more often then when we are in an airplane.

So what now? I have to regroup. I have no predictions, only hopes. At this juncture it is good that I still have that available, and then there is the anticipation of XI. Stay Tuned… was all I could come up with. A boat load of parables filled my head, but nothing seemed right. Sometimes you can search too long and too hard for that which is right there in front of you. The truth is everything you do though it is impactful on some level, it may not live up to what your idea of impactful is. The tiny little impressions add up; then one day you can finally see what took some time to achieve, and you may find that what you intended is nothing like the result.

Posted in Hafwaythroughpoints and tagged , , ,
09 Mar 2012
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Smart, In Degrees

For as long as I can remember, there has been a part of me that felt like I had above average intelligence. After moving to sunny Southern California I came face to face with the fact I was not pretty, therefore my being smart was something I held onto for dear life.

It gave me credibility, it gave me a reason to be proud. After all looks could fade but no one could take what you had inside your head away from you. I  had a whirlwind affair with school. Subject came easy to me and I would do well with little or no effort. As time went on I became increasingly lazy, but I still got good grades. Junior High(middle school) brought about a series of changes and awakenings. Enter puberty, what a let down school was. Other girls now  were interested in boys and vice versa, while I may have been interested in boys they were not interested in me. Well at least I was still smart.

I tested well and had above average classes, but then I discovered there was something beyond having above average classes.. there was the “gifted program”.

The “gifted program” probably meant nothing to other students who were not in it because they had other things on their minds. The students that belonged in it were recognized and put into the program. Yet, I belonged to a very small quiet group; someone who wanted to be in the program, and someone who was certain they should be in the program. Remember, my “sets-me-apart” reasoning was at stake here. I had “friends” who were in these special classes and “I” felt like they were no smarter than me. I made the inquiries and managed to get information necessary in order for me to be tested for the program. Turns out I was NOT gifted, I was above average which allowed me to take certain classes but to be a part of this program that I thought was so elite… I did not make the cut. I was quietly devastated. For a couple of years I tried to stand apart and be noticed, then I came to terms with.. above average with the AVERAGE glaring at me.

Fast forward, I received my acceptance letter from U.C. Irvine and after the excitement came the fear. How would I fare in a foreign environment. Was I ready for this culture shock?  Could I handle it because after all I was, just above average. I took the “chicken” way out and enrolled in community college because I thought it would be easier for me to do well and after a year or so I could transfer. That did not happen. I went back a couple of times, but something was missing.

I realized that the only thing average about me was that I did not put any extra effort into achieving what I said I wanted to achieve, and I truly had made myself the very thing I did not want to be AVERAGE-the norm. I abandoned the very vehicle that could have catapulted me to where I felt I wanted to be, my drive. I did not need a piece of paper to tell me that either. I said I wanted this validation, but when it came right down to it perhaps I did not want it enough or even as much as I thought I did.

I am surrounded by people who collectively possess an array of certificates, degrees, and doctorates. They are my family, they are my friends, and no simple formula can explain me. My predecessors, contemporaries and heirs have somehow done what has eluded me. Perhaps one would be surprised to hear, I still believe I am smart. I now know I am not dedicated. I now know that paperwork does not positively elevate you to a place deserving of admiration and awe. I now know my motivation was what was lacking and no on had more control over that than me.

Therefore, take heed in what I finally learned. Realize my friends you have a choice and do not allow yourself to be the victim or recipient of self inflicted failure.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , ,
09 Mar 2012
2 Comments

Breaking Bread

Eating is a very important process in our lives. We need it in order to sustain ourselves, first and foremost. However, there is something more. As we tie certain songs to events in our lives, there is a connection that exists with us and our meals.

Think of the imagery of the 1950’s a family sitting down to dinner, sharing the events of their day.  How about the “romantic comedy” you just watched a couple of nights ago where the couple shared a romantic dinner, or the mother’s day surprise of breakfast in bed. Food and who we eat it with is a very personal passionate thing. You just don’t sit down and eat with anyone, at least you don’t plan to.

We went to an interesting eatery when we first moved to Georgia almost 20 years ago at the urging of our new neighbors (Georgia natives). This place served typical southern cuisine, the thing that was most exciting to them was the sitting down to enjoy your meal in the company of complete strangers. I thought it was a novel little idea, but wasn’t quite as excited. We were new and felt like we should get familiar with the regions traditions and customs. Well it was very uneventful, and not even in the slightest manner interesting.

I was taken back to another piece I wrote called, “All We Do Is Eat” and I realized how very personal this act of eating is. We do it so often and so mechanically that we really do not  think of the intimacy involved.

When I worked in “Corporate America” in an effort to demonstrate “they” cared; there were often luncheons, celebrations, etc. where we, the employees would get together with the bosses and “break bread”. I was always the outspoken and standoffish one. I thoroughly enjoyed declining or not showing up to these functions, knowing questions would be asked, and I would have the opportunity to tell “them” exactly why I had chosen not to be a part of the function. In a way I was being completely honest, in  another I was being completely mean, but at the time I did not realize how completely valid my reaction/response was to being invited to come and “make nice” with an individual in a forum that is normally reserved for people you really and truly want to be around. Later when the title change happened and I became “them” the the challenge was once again presented, for I now not only had to participate in these function I oftentimes had to plan them. Oh the hypocrisy of it all….

Today as I attempt to be a better person, I am a volunteer that works with a team that serves my community. It is a good place and a good thing we do, yet I would not be honest if I said that I feel close to any of the other members. I attributed this to my being the newer member, but as time has gone by I think there may be another reason. I do not believe that my personal feelings are important,  for what we do is what is most important. The problem is now we are having a meeting in which food will be served. This will be the third meeting of this type I have been invited to. The first I did not go to at all, the second I did not eat. I have and feel the obligation to be there for this meeting, but I cannot overlook my feelings toward these people I am teamed with. Perhaps a more relevant question would be, “do I need to continue to be with a group I do not want to or feel comfortable being around”? Do I have the right to interrupt/disturb this part of a program we are all a part of because of MY personal feelings? I think maybe if I allow myself to get into this intimate setting with them maybe I will connect, but the questions remains, what if I am right, what if this vibe I feel is the vibe the are sending out. I would rather walk away than to have them send me away, but that is all about ego isn’t it.

Therefore, I will go and I will be on time, but I will not eat once again. I guess the test will be how many meetings will I go to before I feel comfortable enough to get intimate with my team members, or how long will I stubbornly work with people I may not like and who may not like me for the sake of doing something good.

Then in the midst of revisions and additions I came face to face with it; maybe I am sending a signal to my team members as well. While I am sitting here feeling ostracized, maybe I have ostracized as well. Wow, maybe I  should eat.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , ,

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