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Motivated by a lack of material.

17 Mar 2016

And Who Might You Be

So I am looking through old photos; A New Year, yes but there is nothing like mulling over the past especially the recent past.

People sometimes go missing from your life. When is it okay to let go of them as they have obviously let YOU go? I mean just when we were growing accustomed to your face, your presence…you up and MOVE.  We are such social creatures even when we say we don’t like people, we do want their presence on some level. We talk to random strangers, we smile at folks who we have no idea what is going on in their heads, and we trust individuals we invite into our lives to do what they say they will. Even if they didn’t really say anything.

We live with people and one day we come home to find them doing needlepoint and say, “I didn’t know you did that”. Reasonable because you LIVE with someone you assume you know them, but are you paying attention. Is it possible while you were about yourself in YOUR life, you overlooked the sewing and needlepoint magazines that come to your house monthly. Maybe you didn’t notice that when you are out on the weekends somehow you wind up stopping by the local arts and crafts store.

Then there is the extended family, the folks we invite into our homes and our hearts,  because we feel safe in doing so. We tell ourselves, “They fit, they work, they belong..” Then they are gone for no apparent reason, but when you think about it, while we were fitting them into OUR lives, did we ask the if they wanted in/if they wanted to stay.

Now we move on too, we make adjustments and adapt. Enter the possible replacement for “our missing link”, how and when do we become less suspicious, when do we let this stranger in?  I say dust yourself off, open the window of your mind and let the fresh breeze flow freely. Change happens, with or without our permission.

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17 Mar 2016
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My One And Only

Love…wonderful, inspiring, and yes sometimes toxic. Wonder why? Well how about the fact the emotions within are so intense, they not only need room to expand, they need room so they won’t explode.

I remember my “one and only” and while he was fantastic on every level he was also about as close to an obsession as one can be.  It did not work out.Fortunately, for us both I was very inexperienced and revenge was not on my mind, only possession. Indulge me for a moment; what takes place in our hearts and minds when we place so much “stock” in an individual and that individual does NOT really have any idea how much power, control, love we have given to them?  Why; because at times we do not even know ourselves. Well that individual can get “blindsided” and we wonder how things went so wrong.

My grandmother had a favorite among her grandchildren. My cousin was a sneaky, detestable, ugly (in manner and appearance) creature. He sported a gold tooth, undoubtedly someone had knocked it out of his foul, lying mouth. Yet when my grandmother looked at him she saw nothing but goodness and beauty. Furthermore, if you crossed this boy the wrath of Mrs. Ellis would come crashing down upon you. I believe she placed every emotion within her in him. He was her hope, happiness, and expectations all rolled up into one. As luck would have it he was true to his nature, not worth the trouble he constantly stayed in. He broke my grandmother’s heart and spirit. Perhaps this is unfair, but I believe he had a hand in her losing her sense of consciousness and she spiraled into the sad state of dementia, still longing for the return of her “golden grandson” who was merely gold colored, gold filled or gold plated whichever is the lesser.

Ultimately, we have to realize that “we” are in control of our own happiness. It is not dependent on what type of weather we are having, or how much money we will make in the third quarter, or if an individual likes us or loves us back. It IS about “us” and whether or not we are happy with self. We cannot hope to retrieve some part of our life by giving the key  to our hearts to a being who has other concerns, and of those concerns, what we want and need does not top their list. That love YOU give to your “one and only” is GIVEN, therefore the restrictions and obligations are NOT there unless “they ” choose to place them there.

Posted in How We Relate
03 Dec 2015
1 Comment

I Wish I Could Dance

As I sit at my computer and listen to the silliest music ever (but I love it just the same) over and over again (my family get this), I find myself wanting to tap my foot sway my body, nod my head. I wish I could dance, because dancing seems to be a happy thing to do. This time of year, I just want to be happy. I just want the people I care about to be happy. Honestly, I want everyone to experience that kind of happy. However, I am VERY uncoordinated. I am also very aware of this fact and do not want to feel embarrassed by my lack of rhythm. I will sit on the sidelines to watch and admire others. My granddaughter and I dance together, but I am so bad that even she in her five years, recognizes Abuela  looks like she is in trouble so she better sit down. I imagine Kai (my grandson) when he gets older, will stop me as well. Smile, laugh, because I am and I do. They bring me unadulterated JOY.  Grandchildren do that for you.

A very good friend of mine, my Libra sister Tammy sent me a DVD of the Jackson Five cartoon series, now remember she sent the DVD to ME. Well I played the video while I was in Addison’s room(at my house) and she was engrossed on the computer. She stopped and came over sat besides me and started watching. Soon she was standing up singing along and dancing to the music from a 1971 cartoon. I got up and we danced together wildly..and this time she did not stop me. This went on for about 10 minutes solid.

So for no apparent reason at all, I needed a smile today and I thought of Addison, The Jackson Five and how I wished I could dance. Then I realized when those two circumstances come together whether or not I can, I do.

Posted in Quickbits and tagged ,
03 Dec 2015

And When I tell you I DO NOT UNDERSTAND…

That is EXACTLY what I mean. I was watching a video of great dance routines. These routines included tap dances of yesterday, they were men and women, they were you and old, they were black, brown, and white. All you could do was to be in awe of and admire the artistry.

Then the wheels in my brain started turning.. we can dance together, we can sing together, we can perform and admire one another’s accomplishments without a second thought. I thought about great athletes working and playing together without regard to anything but that athleticism. The summation was as such; We can sing, dance, work,  play, laugh and cry but we cannot live together because we are FAR too “different”. I am not naive by any stretch, but I need help here. I don’t know about anyone else, but I work so that I can have more time to do there very things we as a national community seemingly have no problem doing together. Yet place us on the same block, city, zip code and things get complicated?

I ask myself as I read posts from”friends” of people I love and care about write about how awful the GOVERNMENT is but these same folks are former military people who joined to get benefits granted to them by our same GOVERNMENT. The same camouflage wearing, gun toting, flag waving individuals demanding their monthly benefits. I wonder how someone I love and care about can have such detestable folks in their lives..they are so very”different”. RIGHT.

I watched a young Muslim woman on the news last night, she was a representative of a group called C.A.I.R. (look it up). It made me sad to see her and several other representatives on a world wide network try to make people understand that everyone who is a Muslim does NOT condone the behavior of one or two or even two hundred radicals. They felt the need to explain to America and the world amidst this  latest tragedy that cost 14 people their lives, they are united with the mourners and pray for justice.

I think of the lives lost in the past year due to”questionable”police officers, policies and plain old citizens. Black Americans, who many want to believe somehow brought all of this carnage upon ourselves. I hear the voices echoing,” If “they” would stop dressing like that, or talking like that, to listening to that music, or running away from police…” No every person of color is not a criminal, no every police officer is not bad, no every plain old citizen is not looking to target practice on young black males, but why should we hide from and ignore these facts when something tragic happens.

Are we really that shallow minded? Do we really take a visual and run with it?  Of course we do. That is what makes me sad.

The truth is all of us, on one level or another, looks for rhyme or reason for things which happen around us or to us. Sometimes those much needed explanations take on the deformed look of blame. We look to blame because we are damaged, hurt, and live in fear! There is nothing wrong with being afraid, as long as you do not allow fear to define your entire being. Sometimes the fear you house is a lack of understanding. Face your fear; as difficult as it may be, stare it in the face. You may find some understanding, thus discovering that thing you dislike so much, did in fact come from lack of knowledge. Once that is taken care of you will eliminate the need to randomly hate. For  America, while we are busy fighting among “ourselves”, perhaps “our” real enemy is out there waiting for the turmoil to reach a boiling point; at that point when we are at our most divided and weak point “they” will have the ideal circumstance, the perfect time to strike. How’s your fear factor doing now?

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03 Dec 2015
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Old People and Getting Into Heaven?

More and more you see them, Bill Cosby(I know he is somewhat taboo these days but he is a point-of-reference..look up the routine) joked about them in a stand-up routine decades ago. He said,” That is NOT the person I grew up with!” Faces fixed with a seemingly genuine smile, talking to random strangers, and adoring the babies..all babies.  These kindly elderly folk will be given all the sweet consideration you have within.  Then there are the OTHERS, the ones who seemingly DEMAND respect but are ugly and disrespectful. The very same ones who at one time told a young person how “they” must respect their elders. Do you ever wonder who these people are and who they were in their past/earlier lives?

ALL of these folks were once smooth skinned, silken haired, athletic and energized. They were the “go-getters”. Now they are captured by the worn, broken and damaged vessels; some flicker in and out of rational consciousness, but all are left to navigate the remainder of their lives in a condition they certainly did not select.

Funny, we never think about people’s condition beyond what is set directly before us. That is until we are faced with circumstances that force our hands. The elderly gentleman who appears to be homeless in our neighborhood asking for food..we never think he has a home of his own and people who love him waiting there. Yet, if we knew this we would likely wonder why he is doing what we perceive as begging. However, one must be careful there is likely an explanation that reaches far beyond what we have time to examine as we rush to work.

What do you say when the well dressed older lady approaches you, as you sit in the park, and proceeds to curse you for no apparent reason. How can you know she has been a widow for 30 years, today is the anniversary of her husband’s death, and you look quite a bit like the doctor who told her her beloved mate was gone.

You may think the solution is to spend more time with them, or their loved ones should keep them under control. Do you realize these people still have some control and wills of their own? Do you realize that none of us can help anyone who does not want or will not accept that same help? I think these same folks feel “themselves slipping away”, away to a place where they do not know what to expect, and they are afraid. A feeling that they probably have not had, in an overt sense, for many years.

Faith is challenged each and every day; where is their faith now, where will yours be when YOU are faced with this from someone you love. They look and sound like your loved one, but many times the one YOU knew is not consciously in the present with you. Now YOU must pray, not only for them but yourself as well.

As our time continues to move forward, as we forget names and dates I wonder how we will react. I suggest you be kind and understanding when you meet these people, any of them. Perhaps the ones trying to gain entrance into Heaven may actually be us;  by what we do we are determining our fate and we may be occupying a similar “place” in the near future. How do you want to be dealt with?

Posted in Ecumenically Speaking and tagged , ,
07 Oct 2015
1 Comment

If I Knew Your Political View…

My son and I were discussing an actor( who will remain nameless because I do not care for this individual based on what I have read recently), he(my son) spoke of things which been said that had gotten passed me. In my mind I  tentatively added this performer to my list. Yes, my list of Don’t Like You/Your Political Views/Racially Insensitive Comments, Don’t Knowingly Support You/Your Product.

There is so much information available, I will never cease to be amazed by this. However, there are still only 24 hours in the day and between handling the necessities of life in some form of order one has to decide what all of the “other” things are important enough to take time out to research. Research IS necessary in order for one NOT to sound like a babbling idiot, because the very time you do not bother to research something and talk as though your opinion is KNOWLEDGE, you will get caught and called on it.

In regards to this actor, admittedly I have enjoyed his work in the past, I was not surprised though. I find that men who fit into his particular demographic are particularly displeasing to me. I feel the same way about the women as well. I remind myself HE IS A PERFORMER. What he has said/done is opinion driven and fueled by money. Designers, singers, dancers, artist, creative folk…liberal arts does not necessarily mean liberal- minded. I ask how can people who are my contemporaries be oceans apart from me, when we shared a very similar upbringings, same environments, locations, education and economics. I ask why? I see surface issues, but I also see the things that were clearly kept hidden.

I HATE the self-righteous battle cry/credo “do as I say not as I do”. Easy to feel that way once YOU have gotten the “crazy” out of YOUR system. Forget the idealism of youth, as wrinkles and back pain stare YOU in the face. Angry at the reflection, angry at the world..a world that hopefully will continue on long after you cease to. Where has YOUR hope gone?

I want to like you, in short let’s keep politics out of our budding friendship/relationship/entertainment choices as much as we possibly can.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged ,
07 Oct 2015
1 Comment

Hiatus

Have you ever needed a break? A break that was such, you did not know how long you would require. If you find yourself unable to think/concentrate focus..it is time to rest your weary brain. My time had come. I was tripping, literally, over everything. Hopefully slowing myself down, eliminating some technology would allow me to reconnect with that which is real, that which truly counts.

The time passed and I looked around and it seemed as though time had stopped. The things I needed to accomplish still sat in the state which had prompted me to take a break from what I love, my writing. My writing helps me think and I had cut off my brain of sorts. My hiatus was to give me a chance to reorganize, I told myself but it was an escape, a run away from some real things that were happening around me, to me. The fact that the disarray still existed told me, I couldn’t run.

I woke up and scanned through some old photographs; a friend of mine from childhood had posted one in particular on Mother’s Day..I had not laid eyes on that lady for 45 years and it sent a chill down my spine. Tears welled in my eyes and a frog formed in my throat, I knew what my friend was feeling and I knew what I had been brushing aside, pushing past. The inevitable WILL come for us all, I don’t know why I though I had a formula to make it different for me.

Hiatus CANCELLED, Life RESUME.

Posted in Quickbits and tagged
07 Oct 2015

T.H.I.N.K.

I saw this on a team message board on my moonlighting job. That job needs  to be as inspirational and motivating as possible. I am grateful for it none-the-less. So after once again being human and flawed I am inspired to write about one of my many, many, many flubs. I hope it will help someone else and perhaps myself do what my title suggests, but that does not necessarily mean anyone will in fact have to change.

“Before you speak THINK

Is it True

Is it Helpful

Is it Inspiring

Is it Necessary

Is it Kind”

Imagine a society of political correctness; nothing out of order, no one offended, facts to the point concise and non controversial. Well it certainly would keep us from being offended, but would it truly keep us correct?

There are some things we need to know. They are not all pleasant. They may pierce a bit but if they are helpful, if we allow ourselves to gain something of value from them, we are better for that information and the surface hurt can be put aside. Remember “The Emperor’s New Clothes”?The  Emperor was so “wrapped up” in looking good he was easily deceived into believing almost anything, including invisible garments.

In our imaginary-politically-correct perfect society we are addressing being able to say something, anything that is not absolutely nice. Why is that? That is because even in the fantasy of perfection we cannot deny that which is real.  How can we exclude the need to be made aware of something that is not-so-nice? We realize that in process we would eliminate our ability to appreciate that which is nice.

Therefore, I encourage you to THINK before you speak, I encourage you to listen but THINK about what was said, and finally I say consider the source.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , | Leave a comment
17 Jul 2015
2 Comments

” You Got To Give A Little…”

There is a portion of a song in this piece’s title and I think it is felt in my heart as well. Emotions can sometimes seem a bit unbalanced.  There always seems to be one who gives more, there is always one who seemingly takes more, one who needs more and one who provides more… we could go on and on but the bottom line is we all need balance.

Human beings in every way are not able to or function poorly when we have too much of this, or too little of that, but medium portions give us what we need to excel. Balance, we are all about balance.My birthday is in October, I am an October Libra and a child of the era when Astrology was a craze. I still hold my zodiac sign near and dear to my heart, with that said the balance thing is a very BIG DEAL to me.

Our group is numerically “grown up”. Therefore it is expected that some of our behavior exhibits that”grown-up” status.  I am not talking the weekend motorcycle ride in the mountains, the periodic dancing all night long, or even the occasional roller coaster ride with the grand-kids. I am talking about the one-on-one relationships spouses, friends, parents, children. What type of time and effort are you putting into these relationships in order to obtain the desired results?

Let us begin with the subject of desire. We can go for the G-rated version but with commercials advertisements for E.D., ultra sensitive condoms, and libido enhancing lubricants we have a tough battle to face. From the very beginning you and your mate were on different time clocks; now they may have been close, you may have managed to synchronize them a great deal of the time, but they were still different. Now the slow down comes(I have friends who vehemently deny this..) you /him, her/you it matters NOT, the sync is no longer syncing. You’re ready, I’m not. I’m ready you’re not. One day you wake up and realize we simply..are not and have not for some time now. Do spouses understand that even though two have instrumentally become one, the two still exist?

Now let’s be fair time is something we all could use a little bit more of, but what would we do if we had it?  In the mere 24 hours of the day we must do life; needs, responsibilities, goals, dreams, assists, and leads. You look up one morning at 3:15, due in part to your insomnia and read your friend has become a grandparent for the second time. You say to yourself,” When did he become one for the first time..how did I miss that?” Then you say, I just spoke with him in January 2014, you realize it is June 2015. All those passing thoughts of, I need to call or I’m gonna stop by flash through your brain. Now you feel terrible, what kind of friend are you? Then you come to your own defense and say, “Well contact is a two-way street.” You now have given your conscious momentary relief. However, how long will you actually feel better, exonerated or will you at all?

We are the 50 Somethings therefore in most cases our parents are the 70 to 80 Somethings. Life is challenging now or it soon will be. We have our health to stay on top of, but we also MUST concern ourselves with theirs. They grew up and came of age in an era where natural and organic foods were not the top of the heap. McDonald’s was a way of life for many, diet sodas were great and everyone smoked..cigarettes. Take the poisons they fed to themselves out of the factor and you still have to put aging in. If you have both parents it is a bit easier for they have one another for companionship. Yet you are still gonna deal with some degree of “Needy”. You love them, but at times the guilt-trip is one you’d rather NOT take. Then you have to justify yourself to outsiders judgmental looks. Remember the phrase, “whose your daddy” juggle the words around a bit and you come up with the self defining question “who is the daddy”. It is prophetic, isn’t it?

Lastly there are our “bundles of joy”. No more 3 A.M. feedings but don’t you periodically think, “why don’t they get _____, this is so easy”. This generation just has no idea, sound slightly familiar? I think we have heard that statement/those type of statements before directed at some other group of young people. My children have made me proud, but can I be honest, it is difficult to refrain from the meddling parent role(wonder if there is some genetic connection). I don’t want to run their lives, although we all know I could do a much better job of it IN MY OPINION. I know in the most respectful way they know, they want to tell me at times to”bud out” but they were raised better than that. I also know at those same times, bud out is exactly what I should be doing. We try to keep it at a minimum, but could we try a bit harder?

Finally a final summation…support your children don’t smother them they will be fine they come from good stock;love your parents even when they are difficult they certainly did the same thing for you; take time out of your tight overbooked schedule and give your friend 15 minutes it’s a start; let your spouse know they are still number one in your book even if the book’s cover is faded and spine is slightly damaged. I suggest the giving role, because you can.

 

 

Posted in How We Relate and tagged ,
07 Jul 2015
2 Comments

If You Had A Choice

I remember a song by the Impressions from my childhood. I went to YouTube to make sure I was not imagining things and I verified it all. Time and again I remind my readers, I am a girl from Kansas City raised by church-going people. We moved to California and it was culture shock of amazing proportions.

I was questioned about my feeling towards a certain actress. I knew that I was not asked why I don’t like this performer randomly.. I love a debate but I select the ones I will participate in. This was my friend, so I bit. Before the discussion was over I was told( in so many words) that my feeling about this actress made my friend believe/feel/think we would not be friends if she had been born lighter.  I do not feel that way. I did not think my opinion of an actress was indicative of me, but it brought me to a point that I wanted to discuss and write about.

I am passionate about race. I also want to believe that in my lifetime the racism bulls%#@ will disappear. Is that idealistic or naive? Perhaps. However in the wake of a massacre in a church, in the midst of several states introducing bills/ legislature to ban a flag that throughout the history of The United States of America has insighted violence, implied white supremacy, represented death and destruction, I need to believe something positive will result from all of this.

I venture to say my feelings about being black is NOT unique. Some members of the white race may find this hard to believe or understand, but black people are proud people. Black people LOVE being black!The actress I spoke of earlier is “conveniently black”. My friend pointed out others, my response is the same for them as well. The difference being I have NOT heard of an incident in which the others have “tah-tahed” being black off when directly questioned. Is she(the actress) a coward or is she utilizing a special gift( the gift of the chameleon)? “If you had a choice of color, which one would you chose my brother?”Black people do not want what YOU(White people) have; we only want what is ours… YOU argue,” go out and work hard, pull yourself up by your boot straps like other groups”. Then I offer you a couple events in history and places where black people did just that, and the end results are Rosewood, Florida or  Tulsa,(Greenwood Neighborhood)Oklahoma massacres. “Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.” Undermining the efforts of the black race in America is a well thought out plan. We are not “belly-aching”, we have valid substantiated gripes.

In this time period, where so much information is readily available, the thought of someone passing for white is bazaar . Yet not so very long ago you had a woman who by most accounts is clinically white, passed herself off as black. How bazaar was that?  No job application you fill out now will fail to ask a question about your race, the difference now is you don’t have to answer. Once upon a time it was against the law to say you were one race when you KNEW you were another, now one must be cautious not to break the law by being too insistent in asking about someone’s race.

What must it be like to wake in the morning and NOT be concerned about race. I have friends and acquaintances who have lived abroad for several years and what stands out about the experiences they speak of is the LACK of or down-right absence of racial incidents! I cannot fathom that thought. I want to see, feel, believe one day I will experience those things, right here in America. Back to the choice; what must it have been like to be trapped in a society and a body that threatened your existence because of your look….and to have a magic wand that could make all of that disappear, your own personal cloaking device. I imagine it was very similar to what we have STILL have in America. A great deal has changed, but a great deal remains the same.

 

Posted in One For My Friends and tagged ,

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