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My One And Only

Love…wonderful, inspiring, and yes sometimes toxic. Wonder why? Well how about the fact the emotions within are so intense, they not only need room to expand, they need room so they won’t explode.

I remember my “one and only” and while he was fantastic on every level he was also about as close to an obsession as one can be.  It did not work out.Fortunately, for us both I was very inexperienced and revenge was not on my mind, only possession. Indulge me for a moment; what takes place in our hearts and minds when we place so much “stock” in an individual and that individual does NOT really have any idea how much power, control, love we have given to them?  Why; because at times we do not even know ourselves. Well that individual can get “blindsided” and we wonder how things went so wrong.

My grandmother had a favorite among her grandchildren. My cousin was a sneaky, detestable, ugly (in manner and appearance) creature. He sported a gold tooth, undoubtedly someone had knocked it out of his foul, lying mouth. Yet when my grandmother looked at him she saw nothing but goodness and beauty. Furthermore, if you crossed this boy the wrath of Mrs. Ellis would come crashing down upon you. I believe she placed every emotion within her in him. He was her hope, happiness, and expectations all rolled up into one. As luck would have it he was true to his nature, not worth the trouble he constantly stayed in. He broke my grandmother’s heart and spirit. Perhaps this is unfair, but I believe he had a hand in her losing her sense of consciousness and she spiraled into the sad state of dementia, still longing for the return of her “golden grandson” who was merely gold colored, gold filled or gold plated whichever is the lesser.

Ultimately, we have to realize that “we” are in control of our own happiness. It is not dependent on what type of weather we are having, or how much money we will make in the third quarter, or if an individual likes us or loves us back. It IS about “us” and whether or not we are happy with self. We cannot hope to retrieve some part of our life by giving the key  to our hearts to a being who has other concerns, and of those concerns, what we want and need does not top their list. That love YOU give to your “one and only” is GIVEN, therefore the restrictions and obligations are NOT there unless “they ” choose to place them there.