hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

Archive for the category “Order of Appearance”

07 May 2013

All Because You Didn’t Marry The Prince

Perhaps some of you weren’t “his” princess either. Who is this mysterious “man”, well he is different for each of us, but simply he is YOUR particular man. I don’t think men are looking for those types of women(princesses). They do search for an ideal mate and when I say ideal, she cooks, cleans, has babies, retains her figure, is smart yet non combative, and did I mention her libido is in direct sync with his. This is a personal assessment and observation of several  men I know/have known.  We on the other hand ask for little, as demonstrated by our requirements which are much less; we only ask he be handsome, rich, and adore the ground we walk on.

Funny thing about a brain, it sometimes  makes you an independent thinker on a number of levels.  Many years ago you fell madly in love, if memory serves  correctly, it was wonderful. You have to laugh as you recall the time, because it is not real clear now. It is amazing that something that was so very important in your life, has take such a backseat now. Anyway you fell in love and then as time went on, you fell in love again. It happens the problem arose when you discovered, this is not a fairy tale. That was a hard pill to swallow; because he certainly looked like the prince, in short periods of time he acted like the prince, but ultimately he couldn’t pass the test. Sometimes we look directly at something and know we shouldn’t cross that path, but we do it anyway.

So now you are in the dungeon or is it the tower, well you cannot escape in either case. What now? You wait for the prince to come along and rescue from the dragon I mean the prince.. wait a minute. Is it the prince rescuing you from the prince or the dragon. Is the prince the dragon or is the prince rescuing you from himself? If you aren’t confused you should be. You are sitting there waiting for an answer, when you have it you hold the key. Unlock that door and walk right out of that place, go where you feel you are wanted and where you need to be.

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07 May 2013

Hellacious Pursuit

To start the week off we need to be motivated. This charges a writer to say some things to jump-start individuals. However, this can present a problem because writer’s have to start the week too, and Mondays are Mondays for writers as well.

Wanting to be read you do not want to be typecast. You want to be taken seriously, but in your head there is a target audience. They are the target, because you put that target there. It is set in your mind this type of person will read me, I am speaking to their soul, their very being, or simply I write about what they like/like to do. People need to read happy, in order to feel and be happy. How much happy do I have to “divi out” without seeming insincere or becoming typecast is my challenge?

The hellacious pursuit begins as the search to find something interesting to say about an interesting situation, all while periodically taking my own personal feelings out of the equation.I have to be speaking to you, my readers. Realize I must interject self in these writings because this is where you get my “voice”, which is a representative of my mind, and without that these pieces are merely conjecture. This title was a bit of a play-on-words  to imply the darkness or demons associated with HELL.

There are demons that are chasing me when it comes to writing. I call them that because my writing bugs tend to bite me when my time is limited and I am forced to make the decision; to go do what keeps me fed and housed, in opposed to what I love to do and frees my mind. The pursuit is ongoing to find balance and to reach that place where symmetry will reign supreme. Better works to follow once I arrive there.

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06 May 2013
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Who’s The Fairest Is Not

I was listening to Jermaine Jackson when I started this. I  thought about a title and several came to mind. It is later on my Monday morning than I would hope for it to be, when this writing bug bit me. This is the second post I started on and was working to complete another two, suffice to say this was not a plan.

YouTube has some really creative people who post music and videos  Yet it was from one of these folks, who I am not particularly pointing out as talented or not, that I have to thank for this. I wanted to hear “You’re Supposed To Keep Your Love For Me”, nothing underlying except for the piano intro of the song along with the emulated birds tweeting in the background. I don’t know what the person who did the YouTube video was going after, but there were pictures of Jermaine from before the plastic surgery CATASTROPHIES as well as after. I shook my head in disbelief and the thought occurred to me, ” I remember when he USED to be handsome”. Instead of letting the song play in the background as I wrote about something else, the subject of the video became catalyst for the subject of my piece.

I watched the pictures turn from one shot to the next. I saw a typical African American teen boy with OUR features; he morphed into an individual with more and more European influenced features, and finally  to some person who had suffered some type of accident that surgeons were attempting to restore on some level. I took it personal.

Yes his nose was broad, but he had a gorgeous smile and teeth. Yes his hair was bushy, but it was healthy and well cared for. There was nothing unattractive about this guy. I thought about the entire Jackson brood and shook my head. I had to ground myself. I did not want to entertain the thought of “how could they think…” You see when I turned 18 I visited a plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills for a consultation on a rhinoplasty for myself. I talk about this without a second thought now. Yet, as I looked at Jermaine I think of how close I came to doing the same thing( just not that magnitude). I know the ONLY thing that kept me from that surgeon’s knife was the fact he told me during the consultation, ” After the surgery you will have some swelling”. I stopped dead in my tracks, I did not hear another word. I grabbed and held onto the thought , “MY NOSE WILL BE BIGGER!!” I did not process the swelling will go down. I left that office never to return and never to think of that surgery except to point out I almost did it and why I chose not to.

Who’s the fairest, we ask that question and never think twice. This line in a fairy tale is ingrained in our heads; and while the men of our group don’t necessarily relish those tales like the women do, they are guided and influence by these same stories. Couple that with the  fact that big screen has given these fairy tales life, and well we are doomed to feeling bad about what we look like. Fairest do you mean color? Snow White is clearly white and I mean an anemic white. That is just not healthy on ANY level and I LOVE Disney movies.

Did you ever go to a Jackson Five concert? Do you remember seeing the guys on “Soul Train“. I did, and ELECTRIC only scratches the surface of them and their presence. What do you suppose your reaction would have been had the family appeared on stage looking the way they have been altered to look now. Micheal’s face taut and so very pale. Jermaine with check implants that look like they have decided they want to be above his eyes and are slowly working their way up. Everyone’s noses abbreviated and pinched. Finishing off with the bone straight Euro-Asian type hair.  This would look more like a Marilyn Manson coming out party.

Who’s The Fairest Is Not may have easily been an “Eye of the Beholder” offshoot.  To sum this all up I have my own personal looks issues; I almost got my nose “fixed”, I straighten my hair probably will not stop, but this piece is NOT all about me. The thing about me is I still see recognize the beauty of people no matter race, color, ethnicity; because beauty is everywhere, including but not limited to the eye of the beholder.  So now go and BEHOLD!

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03 May 2013

My May Flowers

Well I am looking forward to seeing what May has to bring/to share with us. We are having a rather mild transition into summer here in Georgia. While I am aware that it has only been 2 days as I write this; I am happy and hoping this is  an indicator that we will now have the mild, humidity free summers like California…. yeah a “pipe dream” I will enjoy it while it lasts.

May is a month of firsts and lasts(so far) for me, they are all very sweet memories. Late spring that generally feels like summer; the summertime memories from the “summertime of my life” is my summation in regards to the month of May.

I have a niece who is growing up, she is turning 12. My poor sister, her daughter is “moments” away from being a teenager. However along with the dread of seeing your child, your baby transitioning into the grown-up person they will ultimately be, you must take note of the wonder you have been allowed to experience along the way. However, she is “My May Flower bud”.

Another sign of summer is the May celebration of Cinco De Mayo. As self-respecting Southern Californian I cannot ignore this day. Although it has little to do with Southern California, other than tacos and margaritas, which I plan to partake of.  For a real history tidbit this celebration is about The Battle of Puebla, a battle had it gone the other way could have greatly affected the outcome of the Civil War.

We have to touch on Mother’s Day and while I am fairly certain I will have an entire blog about mothers, I never miss an opportunity to acknowledge moms since their “day” falls in the confines of this month. Therefore I offer the following; don’t forget the date but take time to love and honor her everyday, not just the one talked about during May.

If I suffered from triskaidekaphobia there are a couple of individuals, who have been in my life, that I would be better served on some levels had they remained an enigma. Even though I smile as I say that I would have to ask myself, “Why do I even talk to _____ ?” Instead I find myself saying, as I nod in affirmation, “No wonder I talk to ______.” They are “My May Flowers in full blooms”.

Two days into the month of May and I see a strange welcomed weather change, a family member transitioning to another phase of life, Cinco De Mayo, and a couple of very attractive memories. That doesn’t even take us to mid-month, but I will stop here. So Happy Birthday Bryanna,  Feliz Cinco De Mayo, Mother’s Day,  and an honorable mention for May 13th!  I think “My May Flowers” are going to make one heck of a bouquet.

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27 Apr 2013
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It’s All About “ME”

The title implies, that is which  is true. Call me selfish, because that is exactly what I am.  I am also a deceptive being who hides behind things; my feelings and emotions lurk just below the surface, yet a very primitive thing gives me away, The Look Upon My Face.

When you raise a family your obligation is to them first and foremost.  However, as time goes on things progress and suddenly everyone is an adult and they are living their life, now there is you left. Maybe you missed your chance earlier in life for that self-discovery. It is not too late.

I suggested to my children they live alone before the responsibilities  of  being a spouse and father took over in their lives. I think everyone needs to try to get to know “self” first. I did this and my time as a single adult was a happy time. However, I have come to realize that the individual I came to know and like quite a lot, was not a person who would fit into my current living condition. Being alone does not teach you to share and put any need above your very own. In the real world there are going to be others around you. Never before has “No man is an island” held more true.

Lately, I have been on a mission to get into a condition that I feel is more palatable to “ME”. I feel closer than ever to attaining that goal, and I do attribute it to the fact that I am allowing myself to do something for “ME”. “Rock Hard Abs” here I come. Pictures to follow!

In closing I want to caution you against going too far in the other direction in your quest to care for  and/or love your individual “ME”. Do not become obsessive in this new self love; follow this rule as always “nothing to excess everything in moderation” and you cannot go wrong.

 
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20 Apr 2013
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The Way I See It

GreatExpectations; This is not a typo this is the way I think this feeling I am wanting to express should be conveyed singular and large. After waking up a 4 A.M inflection and self-discovery was on my mind.

I am a morning person, but there is something terribly wrong about getting up when it is still dark. I have gone through periods where my sleep pattern seemed to be altering itself. I also do need some alone time, I believe writers need this time for clear uninterrupted thoughts. Good luck with this if you have a cat.

I spent some time surfing the internet and listening to music. I saw a couple of things I felt were speaking to me directly. It felt like , when you go to church and the message the minister is conveying  is JUST about you or directed at you.

I wanted to dance, but I have no rhythm.  Was is unreasonable to  expect you to teach me or even know I wanted to learn? I am overweight, the diets have failed. Why haven’t you encouraged me to get fit? I want to make love. When are you going to touch me? GreatExpectations.

Is there no end to the arrogance of man? Note,”man” NOT A MAN.  I ask because of the thought “he who has done great things”, does not necessarily make him great and the perception should not be as such. Perhaps answering some basic questions can answer questions for you, yourself. One must learn to take ones accomplishments in stride. You must realize that you are only a portion of any one thing you do achieve or fail to achieve. I am not undermining or understating that which you have accomplished which is good, but there have been some pitfalls alongside the win-falls. Therefore the defeats must be given the same consideration.Thus taking things in stride.

Varying degrees and levels, varying strengths and weaknesses, yet we expect things to turn out our way, the right way as we see it. If you experience something difficult and you survive it, then you see someone else with the same challenge in their life, but they are not having the success you did, what thought comes to you first? Success or failure you have to take the outside forces into account. None of us has or is a “cure all”. Remember this next time you prepare to “dive into a situation and become aware that you have no oxygen tank”.

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14 Apr 2013

They Are Getting Long

I am not trying to be long-winded or in this case long-penned, but it is happening. The last few post have been over 700 words. I have even created category (QUICKBITS), that houses my “shorties” in it. However, what do you supposed these lengthy pieces are all about? Personally I give it to comfort, time, and a clearer head. Not necessarily in that order.

I decided to go back to the gym, now I did not consciously decide to stop. I had allowed the stresses of my life make me feel so overwhelmed I did not feel like doing anything but staying in a constant state of being aware of my constant state of worry and stress. My confusion and discord was spreading to wherever I was (i.e. my office, my dinner table, the family room, and my nightstand). This had to stop.

I  picked up all of my confusion from the respective areas, went in the office( I stayed out of the office most of the time because it was such a catastrophe), and did not come out until I had organized the paperwork. The fog was beginning to clear and things began to make sense again. Working-out is a release; given that why wouldn’t I want to give myself a break, never mind the added perk of getting firm and fit. I started back and I felt better immediately and saw results externally within a very short time period. Placebo effect, perhaps, but in the meantime I will continue. Think chocolate is addicting, try adrenaline.

My work hours had changed, but it seemed as though I never had any time. This came about due to the illusion of being overwhelmed due to the mess I was exposing myself to. Once the mess was cleared away, I no longer had to sit around/look at/concentrate on, the impending clean up project. Now I had time to dedicate to the blog.

Finally, I know what I want to say and how I want to say it to my slowly increasing audience. I have found a comfort zone here. I work hard at NOT being too personal in my writing. I do have opinions and point them out, but mostly I want to simply bring observations to light. I think this is the best format to encourage interaction and interest. The blogs are getting a bit longer, this is true. I love to write, I like to talk, when I reach people it is because I am reaching out to them. I don’t mind extending that hand, just don’t leave me “hangin” out there too long.

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08 Apr 2013
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Now You Want To Be

The choices are very limited now, so you take what you have and you cherish it ever-so-much, but what about the fact that you have had and slighted the very same choice for quite a long time. The wear and tear are visible now. Yet, you say it doesn’t matter. I challenge you with, why didn’t you cherish this same item/possession/companion when it was new?  You must entertain and/or live with that question and others. What if it is too late to salvage? What are you willing to do, how much time and effort will you put forth to correct this wrong. Can you be so arrogant as to think you can go along, as though nothing has happened,  and things will continue on the same lines.

None of us are perfect, but while you do NOT have to wallow in the errors you make/have made you do have to take notice. If there has been something wrong done you have to make an effort to fix it, and YOU don’t have the luxury of feeling any ill-will if your efforts are not applauded and/or rejected. Facing those type circumstances you may think, “I’d be better suited to do things my way” and you may in fact be just that. I caution you here; if you are truly in the place of moving on and moving forward, not taking active and aggressive steps in order to smooth over and fix the problem will only result in disaster.

What is the most difficult part of owning up to what one has done?  Can it be the fear of rejection; because knowing what you have done is something YOU would not let go, and thereby realizing this person you have wronged may respond in a similar manner. Is it  coming face to face with the fact you are, as human beings are, weak and flawed. The only thing you will preserve by not taking a pro-active course of action is your ego, selfish and large, it is the primary reason why you are at this place currently. Factor ego OUT of the solution.

If you are truly sorry, try to soften the blows that have been delivered in a kind manner.  The sincerity will be apparent. Hopefully, there is still some sensitivity left for you to work on or work with. The numbness of indifference, once it has set in, is much more difficult to reverse.

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08 Mar 2013
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What A Beautiful Smile

I love to look at pictures. It may seem odd seeing as I do not like to pose for pictures. Amateur or professional, I have been the subject of some truly awful shots. I dream of the day a true artist will capture a shot that will make me look like I want. Now for the right price I am certain there is such a magician, I mean photographer, out there.  For now I am waiting, patiently?

Many years ago what was left of my self-esteem was permanently scarred by a “friend” in middle school ( back then it was called Jr. High School). We will call her “Darlene”. She was a rotund vertically challenged individual we walked to school together with another friend every day. “Darlene” a name that might lead one to make a connection with darling, was far from that. I learned from her fashion improprieties and mistakes that I could ill-afford to make (i.e. wearing your gym shirt under/instead of  your regular blouse to prevent the time guzzling of dressing for class). She also made me painfully aware that I did NOT have a smile that would light up a room. I remember going home looking in the mirror in the bathroom and thinking,” Uuuuuh, I do have an ugly smile”. I would not smile in pictures for years after that.

Every time I saw an ad for toothpaste,where the actors flashed toothy grins I’d ignore them completely, and remember what my “friend” had brought to my attention. I did not have particularly crooked teeth, nor were they rotted out or even discolored. To be honest there was NOTHING remarkable about my teeth or my smile. Then I saw them( actually I just began to take notice of them), they would stop me dead in my tracks for life. They were dimples. I immediately decided to and did in fact dub them the single most important factor in a good smile (not ignoring teeth). After all how could you not display your pearly whites, when you had dimples to accent them. I began paying attention to them I found my father, my younger brother and sister all had them. They were all around, yet they still were cause for notice.

Off we go on a tangent; defined as (believe it or not) a facial deformity of the zygomaticus major, these little indentures have managed to grace the faces of some of the most beautiful people you know or know of. They are hereditary and some of them disappear with time, as the muscles which are”too short” stretch out with age. Thus one may have them as a child but lose them later in life. We associate the dimple with children or babies, perhaps this is why we think they are so cute and are continuously admired if one manages to hold onto them in adult life.

Think about it from your senior classes prettiest smile recipient to the cover of “People Magazine”. They are the quote marks to a smile.  From Tupac to Brad Pitt, Linda Ronstadt to Gabrielle Union, and the many in-betweens; the thought of their smile makes you smile. While I do not remember my senior classes recipient I do remember one from previous year, he was a green-eyed fellow named Warren. So the good Lord graced Warren with unusually pretty eyes, beautiful teeth, and dimples. The stuff crushes are made of, right? I did not know Warren personally and while amazingly I did not have those kinds of feelings for him; I do remember his name, and it is because of his beautiful smile. I invite you to examine the people you know or simply have seen who possess these little marks on their faces, and see if they do not coerce a smile from you.

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01 Mar 2013
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Everything Has Shifted

The things that I thought worked no longer did. This was not a good look for me.  It was tight where it should be lose, lose where it should be tight, and the color was all wrong. I quickly put a towel around myself. Gravity and time, you gotta love them.

Go on and laugh, because I know you already are. My longtime friend says she has a” DGAF attitude“, do your research on that one. Of course she still can sport a bikini on the beach, and no one would be able to say anything but “WOW”. That is something I do admire. We are oftentimes our own worse critics, then other times we don’t critique ourselves enough.

About a month ago I watched a special on one of the reputable cable channels, cannot recall which one and now I have difficulty in deciding which one(s) qualify as reputable, about a particular plastic surgery that young women are now having. Now we all are very aware that you can have just about anything on your body fixed/modified/altered/improved, but this one made me really mad.

I watched as the young woman’s mother tearfully explained that she would do anything for her daughter and that this was going to make her happy…”Happy”, I thought, ” this is just glorified mutilation”. This surgery is a bit more risky than a” simple” rhinoplasty, although the long term results are similar. It may improve or modify the appearance, but has little or nothing to do with the function. At the risk of sounding too provincial, one has to think who is really going to see the results anyway? Furthermore, these surgeries are still considered unproven by the ACOG.

I remember that campaign in the 1990 that revealed FGM  oh-so-well.  Young women from African nations and Islamic cultures telling the horror stories of primitive tools cutting and tearing at their flesh, loved ones or just other women who died as a result of this type of ritual. Now here we are the nation of “beautiful people” succumbing to the idea, once again, our bodies need tweeking. Do you ladies remember what our dolls used to look like when their clothes were removed? Why are we trying to look like molded plastic.

We are so easily manipulated into believing what is popular is what is right. The mainstream dictates to us, right or wrong. During the Renaissance Age people(especially women) were portrayed and envied for being heavy. Countless painting depict semi-nude or nude women frolicking about in forest smiling, we gain a pound or look at a part of our body that is meant to be fleshy and we are suicidal. Factor in perceptions as to what does/does not look good, what is too big/too much, and you have someone guided by emotion instead of knowledge on a matter that concerns health and well-being.  So it is true everything has shifted; our bodies, our ideas and our ideals. It is fine to want to make improvements on oneself, but try not to carry it to the extreme.

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