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Archive for the category “Epiphany”

19 Apr 2011

Do You Think I’m Sexy?

Rod Stewart asked that question decades ago. It was funny and a conversation piece; for at the time we were all young, beautiful, and sexy in our own individual ways. Now as the gap closes in on us our minds still visit these places and see these things, but the vantage point has clearly changed.

I remember seeing the “May/December” romances playing out on the silver screen and shaking my head in disbelief. I thought “oh my goodness what would she  really want with him”. “Him” being Mr.December and at the time Hollywood was still making everyone in major roles great to look at regardless of age, station in life, current condition.  Now a new animal is on the prowl and she is called “cougar”. She is also as open to the verbal and mental scrutiny of young and old alike. For after all what do the young, exciting, viable want with the moderately slowing down and aged? Here’s another twist, what do we want and expect of each other.

Our children would clearly be repulsed, for even if we do not have the mature and matronly figures, the idea of a parent being anything but a parent is just absurd. We can be successful, attractive, and wise; those are acceptable. Our children are very smart; educated, sophisticated, and worldly; yet this aspect of us completely escapes them. That idea is not unreasonable, I think this aspect even escapes us . No one prepared us for growing older and being in a physical and psychological limbo.

Some of us are in denial. We venture into the cliche’ mid-life crisis arena and we should expect to be slaughtered. We act, dress, and attempt to think like we are still the same individuals that fit into a size three; when we could easily use another numeral in front of that three. Our male counterparts pretend not to feel every bone crack as they try to dunk the basketball like it was done in college, while simultaneously holding the protruding abdominal area in with such force one’s head might explode before giving in and breathing. While these are laughable extremes on some level, I think we all have to own up to a little of it.

Yes, this is very touchy and very subjective. As previously noted some folks in our group are holding-up/going to hold-up better than others among us, why not if you are so compelled at the very least stay within your rankings. Realizing we are a group that hates guidelines, rules, etc., but at some point we do have to abide by them. We have been very successful at what one may say is getting around these standards, or we can call it exactly what it is CHEATING. Accessible plastic surgery has made a lot of us experts.

However, here is a thought; as we see ourselves change why don’t we embrace the change, and let our tastes change right along with our being. As more scalp begins to show, cut it close to enhance the fact there is a nice face to concentrate on without the distraction of all that hair.  Don’t look at the increased size as the inability to wear a bikini, but as an opportunity to allow the cover-up to give you a bit of mystery. My salt and pepper gray now give me the hi-lights I never could manage to wear in my youth. Remember, it is a question. DO YOU THINK I’M SEXY? Perspective and perception work in our favor here.

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19 Apr 2011
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Finding Your Muse

I really didn’t think I had one. This is a bit of an inside joke and I will leave it there. Just smile with me.

I thought that my works would be labored. I enjoy this project, but it is time-consuming and difficult. Then it happened, I stumbled upon a motivating force. In effortless sweeps, my fingers are flooded with that which is on my mind and I am able to get these thoughts down. They come as gentle whispers, but they are strong like hunger pangs. I have been in a state that resembles auto-pilot. It feels good. I have but one fear and that is will it stop. If it does, that does not mean I will not write, it just means I will have to concentrate. While I have the benefit of presence, I will enjoy and capitalize. My current dilemma again is time itself.

Can you think of anything that is more rewarding than to start something and being confident that it will turn out well? I will take it further, you have the expectation of good results because anything less is a foreign thought. That is what it feels like to be in tune with your muse. We all have a muse, because we all have some talent. Your talent may be something you have overlooked, and that is perhaps why you have not been in touch.

My muse is a beautiful, welcomed visitor.  One that listens, advises, and inspires. I am told one cannot find their muse, their muse must find them. I know that to be true, because mine certainly slipped up on me. I do think the effects will be long term and that is a good thing. Therefore, do not go on an all out hunt for yours. Sit back and relax, that is all the invitation necessary. Your muse will come.

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04 Apr 2011
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For Your Consideration

Do you think about someone’s feelings before you act? How many people do you look past, or search through your pockets, or start dialing a number on your cell phone to simply avoid saying “hello” to? Do you walk through the mall like you are the only one there and others need to move or yield to you? Some topics I broach may seem very basic or common sense in nature. Yet I feel they need to be addressed. I see the direction younger people are going and know that we are in part responsible for their _____. I began this and I drew a blank. I could not finish my thought. I was under the impression that this piece was going to be about manners, respect, etc. ; then I got the lesson of the day from Church and it was “apathy”. Suddenly I knew what direction this piece was going in, because the teachings came from the story of Jonah. Read it and the first three verses will make it clear how this piece was turned around for me.

Thinking of someone else is oftentimes difficult to do, we are all wrapped up in self. When that happens it is easy to overlook another person and this is where the lack of consideration comes into play. We become apathetic.  You are cold and unfeeling. Not a good place to be, not a good person to be around. Many of us feel if I am not hurting you that is enough, but we are wrong. God asks us to do more. When someone is in a “bad way” it is not enough that we don’t add to the problem; we are called upon as Christians, as members of the human community to do what we can to improve the situation.

In the beginning of this piece it was easy to address the younger folks and find their faults, my intention was to call upon “us” as the elders to straighten “them” out. However, perhaps the most important thing that can be conveyed here is to straighten out one’s self, for do we not lead by example.

I really don’t mean to “finger point” I want very much to observe and report. Generally I am looking at my personal journeys in this endeavor, and it is funny to see how good intentions can so easily be lead astray. Therefore, I submit to you for your consideration; consider yourself first, before you look to others to point out and pick out.

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24 Mar 2011

You Can Count On Me, Until You Do

My family, all of who can swim, and I were caught in an area where a dam’s floodgates were going to be opened.  The time, in this state of limbo, was very brief. There was only time for me to go from one family member to the other and then collectively remind them I could not swim, and in the event we were not to safety before the gates opened they would have to hold onto me. I received “lack-luster” responses, more or less “brush-offs” as though I was overreacting. Although, they affirmed they would look out for me I was still anxious. Suddenly the wall of water broke loose and my family came to life, but they were not looking for me. There was a mad rush toward the closed, locked gates as waters rapidly approached. Terror filled my heart, I was in a state of quiet panic, then the gates opened and we all made it to safety. In the seconds to follow instead of sighs of relief and happy embraces, the scene was filled with me going up to my deserter family members and shoving each and every one of them in the chest as hard as I could and then sharing some choice words. Then I woke up. Whew! It was just a dream, but the next thought was for me to say a quick prayer and I did.

I interpreted that dream. It rocked me and my faith.  I feared a lesson was in the making. I really did not want a lesson, but we do not get to tell the Lord how we need to be taught. I hoped I was in the midst of the lesson already, and the Lord was telling me that He would save me from the disaster; just when I thought it was over, as hopelessness was overtaking me. My thought was and I envisioned, when all is lost you can count on God. That is not what I call an epiphany, that is just real.

I challenge you to examine this statement “You can count on me” , do you know who said it, who it applies to in your life. Maybe the statement was never made, maybe actions implied it. However, do you feel comfortable enough to put this statement to the test. When your loved ones are on the line, is this a wager you would be willing to make? Finally, how does this apply to you? Can you be counted on?

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23 Mar 2011

Let Go and Let’s Go

Simply, this is about release and moving on.

I have a beautiful pedigree cat, a Ragdoll. I adopted him a decade ago, he was a rescue. I laid eyes on him and thought, ” What a pretty cat. I’d like to have him”. I talked to his foster parent and get this sad story of a tormented, terrorized beauty. Well we had room for him in our home and I was ready for another cat in my life. I renamed him Storm,  partially because he was the color of threatening clouds and he had they deep blue eyes, but mostly because I hated his name Toby.

It had been 10 years since I had a cat, Yheti was a beautiful Himalayan Flame Point with soulful blue eyes who I got as a young cat of six months. He loved me and I loved him. When I came home in the afternoon, he was waiting at the door for me. He would come to me when I called  him.  You really have to be a cat owner to understand a close relationship with a cat. They are solitary,  independent, oftentimes moody creatures; you may pick one of them as a pet, but they decide if they want you. Yheti belonged to me. He became ill suddenly and we had to put him down. I left one morning with a cat that I knew was ill and returned home with a broken heart. Many years would pass before the thought of cat ownership would occur to me again.

Back to Storm. I knew there would be an adjustment period, but had no idea how very long that period would be. He was never the kind of pet his pedigree suggested. Noted for loving to be picked up and held, you did well being able to pet him on his back. Perhaps the ultimate blow was when he decided he preferred my eldest son, who did not even live with us at the time. The years passed and Storm did not change.  My position was to serve as caretaker/nurse. I accepted I had selected a creature who would never be a pet, at best he was a fixture.

Now he is 12, his health is not great, but it is not terminal. He is simply getting old. He could die tomorrow or live another 8 years(some exclusively indoor cats live 20 years), either of which I feel indifferently toward. I know that sounds bad, however it is true.

I spent a lot of time to talk about a cat, a pet if you will,  and not a very good one by my own admission. One may ask why. Here it is, my cat is characterizing how I think we are dealing with changes that occur in various times in our lives. The youth are impatient, anxious to get on with “it”, they have a vast unknown to discover and loads of time to do it in . The ones we consider elder folks want to slow things down, their unknown is plagued with the knowledge that the inevitable is probably close at hand. Then there is us. We tend to be stuck in neutral, we wait for something to happen rather than make it happen. We are not strongly in favor of slowing down, but we are not ready to jump feet first into anything either. We have a lot of recollection and memories to reflect upon. However, there is still the vague uncertainty of what is to come and when. Our challenge is, “What about The Now”, for this is the place where we currently reside?

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20 Mar 2011

Read This Before You….

Instructions. It is rumored that most men do not like reading directions. I know a few women that this applies to as well. The truth is almost all of us have issues with being told what to do on one level or another. The sad thing is that we are all forced to do that which we despise, and on a regular basis. My father, a wise man  indeed, told me as a child; “No matter who you are, no matter how rich or powerful you become, someone will always be telling you what to do.” My time with him was so very precious, I cannot recall exactly why this  particular discussion came about. I just know he was always able to put things into perspective for me. I may have said, “I hate doing this or when I grow up no one will ever make me do that”. Have words like that ever crossed your mind, have you ever said something along that line?

Instructions, directions, order, what’s wrong with them? I get a sense of stability from them, yet I resist. I  cannot say I have ever been particularly rebellious. I was not always in agreement with standards, but I would follow instructions. My protests were silent murmuring. Perhaps that is the worst kind of rebel, one who holds it in. Now on the other side of this milestone age, I find strong suggestions quite annoying (being polite). Orders  are viewed as trying to take control and at this point in life who needs to be controlled.  Not only do I not want to take these orders I do not want to give them either, for their are a few folks around that feel as I do, and they would make my life miserable.

The endeavor of owning my business was not completely based on a diluted view of independence, but in retrospect I have to realize it did play an important part. This was my way of taking control of the orders. I would now decide. Yet in reality, I only decided to take orders from someone in particular. Being in control is an illusion, an illusion that somehow you are in charge of something. The flip side of that control is responsibility, and are we not moving in a direction that is the polar opposite of responsible? We approach retirement, the children have grown up, mortgages almost paid off(I WISH!).

These endings in many ways represent freedom, but do not take freedom from whatever lightly. Freedom in itself has attachments; what will you do with these new found freedoms and what will they do to you? We all need purpose in life or we stagnate and die. Purpose requires interaction, interaction requires order/direction/instruction. Perhaps order is not so bad after all. As we look to simplify our lives isn’t it possible that one’s journey is easier to travel when it is mapped out in a plan, than to forge on aimlessly with no idea where you are going and what you will do once you arrive.

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18 Mar 2011

All We Do is Eat

When I was in my late twenties eons ago, one of my close friend’s mother(a.k.a. play aunt) was telling us about a gentleman she was seeing. Now she was/is an attractive lady, however as father time becomes a more familiar character in your life the “pickens become slimmer”. I remember laughing my heart out one day as she spoke of this gentleman with a bit of sarcasm; saying every time I call him or he calls me and the conversation moves to what are you doing he says, “Well er um I ‘m about to fix me something to eaaat…” I clearly remember thinking,” He must be a lazy fat slob lying around on the sofa, hot sauce drizzled down the front of his wife beater tee shirt. She can do much better than that.” I knew better, it was just a comical thought; his speech and diction alone dispelled that notion. However, Mr. Always-Feedin-His-Face did not disappear as rapidly as one might think.

I have to be honest here, food is my personal vice. If I am ever accused of anything, it will be first degree consumption. I am guilty as charged. I can find something to tempt my taste-buds on most menus, and if I cannot buy it generally I can cook it for myself. I have to ask, is gluttony a pre-geriatric condition? Do we, just before slipping into he ranks of “old age”, become reduced to virtual  eating machines. I can see how it could happen very easily.  Eating is recreational, eating is entertaining, eating is sensual.

Where are the “tailgaters”,  and who makes the best beef  brisket you know? Be it a football game or a backyard cookout, these are examples of eating for recreation. These events are excuses to eat. “Let’s do lunch, dinner is on me”…. Okay you may get together with those special someones to discuss the way of the world, or  even a business opportunity, but ultimately you are trying to get at that food. Candle light dinner at an out of the way little restaurant, breakfast on the balcony overlooking the white sandy beach and it will be that much better IF a stimulating conversation comes up.

Eating is wonderful, but we have to remember that what we eat will determine if we will be around for that next fantastic meal. It is easy to overdo, and  then overlook our health in this process of eating. One can be overwhelmed with the intake and ignore the danger signs. Don’t let “Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die” be your prophetic epitaph. So if all you do is eat, put some fiber and green veggies in your diet as well.

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