hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

Archive for the tag “wisdom”

22 Nov 2011

It’s Worth Paying Attention To

My sons inspire me and my husband makes me aware. In adult life they are a mechanism by which I gauge “me”. It is still ironic to me that life experience will still throw you “curve balls”. Perhaps it is arrogance, but as time goes on you do have a tendency to think on a conscious level you have seen “it all”. While you may not truly believe this, it plants a seed.

With that in mind, how on Earth can anything really be a surprise? Yet discovery will generally catch us “off-guard”. Just when you think no one is watching you will find someone looking right through you, and they know all of your secrets. We are all complicated; but we are not hard to figure out, we all fit into one category or the other. It is important that you pay attention to who you are dealing with. Just because you are in the presence of someone on a regular basis, does not mean you know them.

Our cleaning business has put us in touch with such an array of people. We make every effort to do the work efficiently and with integrity. We have made quite a few friends as a result of the business. We have also lost some clients,  which motivate and have motivated me into writing several different pieces. I wish I could say I find it ironic that something negative would yield such a reaction. However, it really makes perfect sense. The losses make you examine and re-evaluate. Whereas in on-going relationships one tends to be lazy and take things for granted.

As I began taking a look at the clients we no longer have, the first thing I had to do was filter out MY FEELINGS. This is business and on the one hand you try to make your clients happy, but on the other you do have to  be cautious and mindful that you do not get too personally involved. I had/have been “blindsided” more than once. I asked myself how?

Well for starters people are all so very different, and clients are people. I begin my sales pitch with, “we want happy clients…” Really what is that? Over the years I have discovered the job I do is one that most people do not want to do, PERIOD. Never mind they are unable to do it as effectively as I do, it is something they do not want to do. It is in their minds an necessary evil; and not only do they  not want to do it they do not want to pay for it. Theirs is generally the attitude of, “I want this work done for me by you and if you insist I will pay, but I do not want to pay a lot and I get to be the determining factor in what I think is a lot.” In any environment if this were presented to you what attitude would you take? Hold onto that answer and bear in mind, I feel the exact same way.

Let’s take a look at the compensation. Pay for something you do not want to do. Well what is it worth; in the grand scheme of things you can debase it, to try to make it seem as though it is not worth very much. However the truth be known it is quite valuable, but there I go putting the truth factor into play.

Finally, there is a sense of power and superiority. “I am far to educated, important, well-bred to do this thing” is what we get to deal with now, the individual’s sense of self-worth.

This was, all in all, a trip into the land of self discovery for me. People I viewed as pretentious and self-serving, were the mirror image of me. The amount of the compensation meant I was getting closer to my destination, and that was the place where I no longer had to deal with “these people” I had assigned the label of being fake. Lastly, I really do not want to do this work either. This is an means to an end. The very first chance I am given, I will be out of the cleaning business.

Now I will sum this all up for you. No one is exactly what they say they are or try to represent themselves as. You have to look deeper; and this will require time and effort, two things you may not have the luxury of possessing. Watch people closely few of us are the masters of deception we want to believe we are, we are merely average perpetrators. Listen to what is being said; it is a difficult task to take command of the language of words. How many times have you heard someone proclaim to know ALL about something, or boast they know EVERYONE in a certain place. These are “word-traps” with faulty” trip wires”. It is almost outside the nature of human beings to be completely honest, whether it is fear of being taken advantage of, inability to tell the truth, or lack of desire.  Therefore, in your search for characters to observe and even watch out for, a good place to start would be a close examination of you. It will be a valuable journey and well worth paying attention to.

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16 Nov 2011
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Extraodinarily Ordinary

Average, an existence in the middle of the road. The place most of us do not want to be.  We are all taught to strive for more. We see it happening more and more; competition once thought of as healthy, is now a way of life. Children, toddlers, babies are placed on waiting lists to be selected to go to preschools! Well, what do you do when average is all there is to you?

Something inside of us strives to be special. We need to be  outstanding in our own right, and it generally isn’t enough that we are all individuals. Therefore the search begins, what do I have that sets me apart? Is it a chick thing? I am sure we women feel it very strongly. We react to it in our style of dress, hairstyles, etc. a number of outward appearance things. Yet, I know men feel it too. Theirs, I believe, is a more inward struggle.

God created such amazing individuals; there are great talents, astounding beauty, and insurmountable intelligence. What can be said to the “Regular Joes” of the world. The difficulty comes into play as you come to terms with this average status; for just because you are of this status doesn’t mean you do not want to do something extraordinary, it doesn’t take away from the fact that you truly want to be special. You wander aimlessly trying to escape your terribly normal existence. You grab at any inkling of something that suggests you are above the rest. We are taught to think outside of the box, but oddly enough we forget that most things are geared toward those who fit neatly within that same box.

Tread carefully friends in your quest to stand out; you are at risk of doing something that may make you stand out, but not necessarily in a positive fashion or in a way you want recognition.

I will close with my version of a Grimm’s Fairy Tale, a metaphor relating to this piece. Once upon a time there lived a plain little flower, her home in a modest meadow. In the meadow there were lots of other flowers. There were beautiful roses, there were fragrant gardenias, there were fabulous lilies, even the perky daisies drew attention. The plain little flower would go virtually unnoticed among these other  spectacular plants. Sometimes in the shadowy part of the day she would feel sad and let her foliage droop. “No one cares about me with all of these other bright, exciting, pretty flowers around. It doesn’t matter what I do.” One day a truly handsome prince came upon the meadow. He was something to behold. His smile was bright like a daffodil. He was as beautiful as any rose. His eyes were bright and perky like the daisy. All of the flowers stood up really tall, so he would notice them and he did. He took in all of the sights of all of the beauty that was surrounding him, but what captured his attention was the plain little flower….

What do you suppose happens next? What if your answer defines you?

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , ,
15 Oct 2011
1 Comment

Deal With It

I read an inspiring piece this morning, it was in regards to relationships with loved ones. It was not unusual; for it dealt with how limited and uncertain our time on this Earth is, and how we ought to let loved ones know they are loved every day. For as certain as it is that we have loved ones, there is or will be turmoil.

My personal friends and family know that I am an active participant in conflict on a daily basis. I welcome debate and exchanges. They also know I am a “head-on” type and this clashes with my attempts to be a more “gentle-christian” type of individual. I cannot say I have mastered the art of being direct with compassion, and if I am honest I have to say there are often minimal efforts made depending on the circumstances and individual (s) involved. Big surprise, partial confession; no on part one and affirmative on part two.

I completely agree with what I read this morning. I learned that lesson long ago and began practicing what I learned. The problem is the challenges of dealing with individuals. What about the exceptions and the “what-ifs”? What do you really do when those loved ones that you cherish so much happen to be taken from you during that time of turmoil? Truth be known it is not that easy to say at the conclusion of an argument, “yeah well I love you so much”. Be realistic, in most arguments one is caught-up in the moment.

Now I have to get away from sounding so callous and mechanical, now I have to talk about one being the bigger person. There is a pregnant pause here, because I had to take in air. It is not ALL ABOUT YOU, let me make that clear. Now stop taking yourself so very serious, stop feeling sorry for YOU, and look at the big picture. This means saying I am sorry when you are not necessarily the one at fault. It means actively pursuing someone who seemingly does not want to be sought out.

In some cases one has to be away from their normal character, but in this process  the strength of that same character is demonstrated. I am not by any stretch saying this will be easy, but it is easier than some of the other alternatives.  Don’t sell yourself or the ones you love short here. In this direct “deal with it” attitude you come face to face with real feelings and emotions, this allows you to get to some things instead of running away from them.

“I love you but I don’t like you”, may seem cliche’ at times yet often times it is so very true.  You just don’t loose that love for someone because they hurt you or made you angry. Yet that anger and hurt are all so real as well. It is not unheard of or terrible to get or be angry with people you love and care about. Padding that anger with an automatic “I love you” does not change that anger. I think the best thing you can give to ones you love and yourself is honesty, and honesty is a tall order.

Therefore, I say be honest, direct, and real with these people and these feelings. Have compassion and tact in the process, but if by chance something occurs in the midst of some turmoil in your relationship and you do not have an opportunity for a “do over” be comforted in the knowledge that these folks do know you. More than likely at some point they may have been faced with the dilemma of dealing with it as well, but afforded the luxury of time to get through it.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , , ,
05 Oct 2011

Disconnected

Going through the motions of life. When you do things so often it becomes automatic, “I could do this with my eyes closed”, it is not hard to see how one might become disconnected. Without supervision or intervention, the most reliable machinery might run into problems. Thus a disconnect becomes inevitable. Right in the middle of the process something goes wrong and then there is silence.

The clutter and dust build up daily on what was once your pride and joy. You are preoccupied with other things right now, but you will eventually get back to it. RIGHT… Remember when you spent hours making sure everything was perfectly situated? Now look at what once was important to you. Unattended to, unsupervised, and neglected it is out of control and falling apart.

Have you found yourself feeling this way about people who are or once were close to you? It is an odd feeling. The “Love” that was physically and mentally beautiful; your very first love experience, the one who single-handedly holds your youthful sensuality, and now the only significance is you once knew this person. What about your” best friend”; you were always together and still you had time to talk on the phone , when was the last time you spoke or visited.  “Oh they understand because we are so close” is the excuse you give yourself.  Are you really being honest with yourself here?  After all, we are talking about being disconnected aren’t we?

Why do you always have to be the one who calls? If your friendship meant anything your friend would make the call every once in awhile. A month has gone by and perhaps you spoke once. This is rapidly becoming a norm for you all. Yet, it is okay.

We complain that there aren’t enough hours in the day to do things, but we crowd our lives with devices and methods that allow us to do more things at what we deem the same time. The results are we are just as tired, the projects we have are done in a rushed inferior manner, and the people we just never get around to talking with them. For the sake of efficiency, we call it multi-tasking.

When I began this piece little did I know that our pastor would be speaking about this similar subject, but he took it in another direction. He said we are so wrapped up in texting and multi-tasking that we forget what is important, and we need to DISCONNECT; while my approach was do you wonder why you feel DISCONNECTED. In either case the main focal point is that we need to slow down, stop, and re-evaluated the way we are doing things and handling people in our lives.

No matter how rapidly you do things you still have that same 24 hours in each day. No matter how slowly you move yourself, time will continue to go forward. Therefore, what is important is that you make the most out of whatever you do whenever you do it. That means bother to give each endeavor the needed, required and desired attention for optimal results.

Finally, realize you are only going to get out what you put into anything. Cramming things together, trying to do it all at one time, and making empty gestures( I’ll call you later). The less time, effort, and/or heart you delegate will NOT magically yield positive results simply because you want it to be so. Hang up the cell, get off the internet, log off the computer; disconnect from technology for a while so you won’t feel disconnected with life.

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19 Aug 2011
1 Comment

IX-Hafathetime

With 60 plus posts behind me, I am at a place where I must make a few decisions. Do I continue this blog or do I dedicate some serious time to writing my book? Time is so very important to us all, for we never know how much we have.

Sunday we were examining eternity and the present in church. Eternity being something that is truly beyond our idea of understanding. How can one, by our standards, really comprehend what one has never experienced? It seems clear we will all reach this place eventually, though what we will actually find is “still up in the air.”

The present, a place all too real for most of us. This is a place that I look upon as a construction site. It is ever changing and needs more work to get to the finished product. Problem here is the finished product keeps changing. The blueprints are marred with erasure marks and it is getting harder and harder to see what we are ultimately trying to complete. This is the place where we can actively affect what our eternity will be and it is filled with near misses, mistakes, confusion, and controversy. More reality; if we don’t get it right here in the present, our future and eternity may not yield the desired results.

Later in the day I joined a group that pleasantly took me back in time. I spent several hours on one nostalgic journey after another.  Just that quick I realized I was focusing on something I could not have. I was escaping to the past. There is nothing wrong with visiting places we do not have real access to, as long as it does not become too time consuming. The retreat can all too quickly become a deep longing, an obsession.

When I find myself going astray in these matters I try to find something that gets me back to task, I do something for someone else. At numerous times I find I feel as though I will never be able to live up to what I think is expected of me, but there is no feeling that matches  the one you get when you do something that makes another person feel better.  You are given back a sense, that it is not all about you.  You get a piece of peace and a sliver of time to reflect on that which is not promised to us, now what are you going to do with this time.

Posted in Hafwaythroughpoints and tagged , ,
28 Jun 2011
2 Comments

Cleaning Out The Closets

This being a milestone for this is the 50th post on my blog, I think realizing one of  the new awakenings at this stage is important. The Closet; what does it represent, what is its purpose, and how is it being used? It has been a place that housed things properly, it has hidden things, and things have been lost in there.

Walking into my closet made me aware of many feelings. I remember when it was a place of turmoil and confusion; what on Earth will I wear today? Where are my black pumps? I recall it being a place of awe; There is so much room in here. Then there is the present in which it represents need; a need to clean out, be it throw away, donate, or organize, it is still a place of need.

Certainly there are some shoppers out there. I have always been one myself. I cannot attest to particularly good taste. I do believe I have made some good choices over time. Now a great deal of my shopping is for another generation. My granddaughter, mi nieta,  as I like to call her has managed to do what her grandfather is incapable of; she has space in my closet in our master bedroom. She didn’t ask for it, I gave it to her. The family laughs and are amazed at the same time by the fact that this phenomenon has occurred.

Now space is not really an issue, there is still plenty of room. What I see is there are things that no longer belong in there. Items that no longer “fit” for one reason or another. Like the decision to no longer color your hair, one day YOU realize that it isn’t working anymore. Not necessarily that you don’t like it, but it isn’t believable or it just isn’t who you are. Then I must face the fact that there are still uncertainties here. As some colors and styles are no longer flattering, the question arises, what does work now?

This will be a process and it will begin with organizing. Organizing thoughts, I have to have a plan.  The plan must be carried out with intent,  methodically. The way the plan is carried out will demonstrate how successful the process will ultimately be.

Phase I: Removal. When and where do I start? As I take away the clutter, the unnecessary things in that space as well as that space itself will begin to become clean, clear, and unprotected. Huummm, am I ready for that?

Phase II: Re-Organize. Put everything remaining in a proper space, perspective.

Phase III: Replace. This must be done carefully, for there is a danger of the same clutter returning and returning rapidly.

Phase IV: Revel and Realize. This is a nice change, but it an ongoing process that requires attention and maintenance.

Phase V: Repeat and Re-apply. Move on to the next  “closet” or area.

On an ending note, Good Luck!

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , ,
17 Jun 2011

Our 15 Minutes

This one was “deep”. So much ran through my mind and soul in church. I tried to jot down notes, but I was so focused on what Pastor Kevin was saying. I am gonna run with this and see where it ends.

This fabled space that we all will occupy, at one point in time or another. The place in time and space where the spotlight will be on us and we want it there too. Whether we realize it or not. Perhaps that is why I tied the sermon on judging into this piece. For judging is so superficial, in your face if you will. When the discussion moved to how we make judgements based on what we see what is out front without knowing the back story, I connected the dots.

In our 15 minutes we put the best that we have forward, even if it is only a facade. We must keep up those all important appearances However, not knowing the full story or not being able to see beyond what is in front of us does not make the reality of it any less. How much of that 15 Minutes would you want if the spotlight was directed at you and only a very tiny bit of the story was clear, if you weren’t ready for your “close-up”.

Let’s take the camera off of ourselves and point it in another direction, are you going to be as careful with those same shots at someone else as you would hope someone else would be with you? Be honest, you are going to take random and candid shots, you aren’t going to wait for them to make ready. The result may very well be some unflattering images and you think,”Ooh I wouldn’t want that to be me, why didn’t they look up at the right time, why didn’t they check themselves out before hand”. Now take those same statements in a literal context and apply it to what you think or say about another individual when you are passing judgement. However, it won’t really hit home until you apply this same principle to yourself directly.

Cameras, photography, mirrors and even microscopes are excellent metaphoric devices for judging; they should be used interchangeably for Our 15 Minutes, perhaps we would be more cautious with our judging if we did.

Posted in Ecumenically Speaking, Epiphany and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
14 Jun 2011
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VIII-Haftonowhatuwant

This actually began as the question: “what do you want?” It was addressing someone else. I soon realized this question applied to me as well, and the fact that I did not know the answer.  There certainly is an answer, but do you or I dare reveal it.

Free Time at this stage is both an opponent and a companion. There are always things to do, you can always find things to do, therefore being in a rest state makes me feel less accomplished. There is this overwhelming sense that I should be doing something productive. When I do allow myself the Free Time, it still comes with a challenge. In a visceral way the mind must be active, and naturally query occurs. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just lounge around and feel free to just go-with-the-flow?

Example; there is a re-entry of someone in your life. Initially, the excitement and anticipation happens. Then the lull comes, it even deteriorates to minimal contact. What is next? Do you sever the newly established ties or do you  just go along, wait and see? Free Time is in the opponent mode here, therefore this is going to end up in the scrap pile. Inevitably the question arises why the scrap heap, well it is simple the underlying question was/is”what do you want”. You wanted something more didn’t you, something defined and something you could wrap your mind around. No one likes these pieces of obscurity dangling around them without a clear cut purpose. Remember who we have holding onto our arm as a companion and quite a demanding one at that, Free Time.

With conviction and a sense of absolution we make a commitment, either literal or psychological, to what we say we think we want. Yet the more distant and out of each “it” is the better we really like it. For how else could we be able to  convince ourselves that this thing that escapes us is the one thing we truly want and that “it” is what is necessary to complete us.

Knowing what you want is scary; it is scary to have the desire, it is scary if we get what we want, and scary if we don’t.  Who among us wants to face up to fear and apprehension? To characterize this period of our lives one would have to say we are truly in a state of definite maybes, a holding pattern and perhaps we aren’t any closer to what or where we figured we would be a couple of decades ago. We have the feeling we should be actively doing something to change that.  What exactly should we be doing though?. One of our bigger dilemmas is we still have that expectation that things should be different. We cannot be carefree because we know better, life has taught us a lesson or two on that very subject. We cannot just accept things for what they are, because we believe we still have too much life left to live for compromising.

Therefore carry on with the knowledgeable and gregarious spirit that allows you to continue on towards what you want and what you need. Trust that when you do come across “it”, when you find “it” in your sights, you will recognize and take a hold of what you want.

Posted in Hafwaythroughpoints and tagged , , ,
23 May 2011
2 Comments

VII-Haftafindyourwaythrough

The resounding echo of silence invades my head now. After a marathon of words I am screeching to a silent stop. I need a bit of a break, the writing takes something out of me, because I feel what I am saying. I must interpret these as  pregnant pauses in order to recover, regroup, and refresh.

Here you are alone. More of your life is behind you than ahead, at least as far as new experiences are concerned. What road do you take? Do you make due and stay single or do you venture out? This one required me to actually do some research. I was/am unqualified and unequipped to address this subject on certain levels, in spite of my having quite strong opinions. My results will not be filled with stats and graphs, but information obtained from real and personal contacts.

The research began and it began with individuals very close to me. I want to see these folks happy, I believe they all deserve happiness and not the opinion of what others think happiness is.

The ladies tended to be successful in their business or chosen career. Therefore, they possess the economic spoils of doing well, nice homes,  furnishings, cars, etc. “Can you say intimidating boys and girls?” To that I ask why?  At this particular time in our lives haven’t we learned about the temporary state of “things”? They express the same high standard involving expectations in relationships. Although they are dealing with  something that is a bit more difficult to gauge.

The gentlemen in the same status had a devil-may-care attitude.They were open when it came to relationships, until one day they really examined the age factor. Then suddenly they needed the spouse, children, and in spite of the newness they(the family) needed to catch up and be age appropriate with them. They had  generally decided that the domestic aspect of life was not for them; and then with the wave of a hand changed their minds, but it took a few decades.

I submit that these individuals have spent a great deal of time without the challenges of relationships on a very specific level and no matter how appealing this may appear, they would/will be in for a rude awakening. What I am presenting is not mind-boggling or earthshaking. They are all very desirable, charming, and intelligent. They all simply want what they want, and that attitude alone is not cohesive with the type of relationship that they are seeking. Settling has been something they have managed to avoid, but in this venture if some compromising is not done failure is eminent. I smile as I think of trying to match them up with one another, but the idea of this gives me images of two cats fighting in a bag. My suggestion would be to slow it down and I am sure that will be received with contempt. Ironic, is the word I apply to it all.

What is missing and can it be filled with something else? Have we become so one dimensional that we can only operate if we have all the same “things” that everyone else we know has. I think it is important to note that none of us is truly alone with no one that cares.

Having a warm body next to you, can sometimes translates into desperation and settling. However, standing by your convictions sets you up for load of disappointments and a scant selection of what would be considered suitable. As our age advances, our considerations become less distinctive. Voids need to be filled, society tells us this is so and we buy into this thought-pattern.

I am a hopeless romantic. Although, life experiences have encouraged me to abandon the Disney/Fairytale ideals, I am still a seven year old at heart. If I am completely honest, I wish I could reach inside my soul and pluck that romanticism out of me.  However,the romanticism is one of those things that you’d have to characterize as; when it feels good it is so good, but when it is bad it is HELL! Hey call me a sadist, I’m gonna hang onto it.

Posted in Hafwaythroughpoints and tagged , , ,
18 May 2011

Returns And Replays

The hauntings of our past sometimes call out to us. On a quite afternoon when you don’t have anything in particular to do, will you find yourself trying to make busy in order to avoid the reality of a time gone by slipping or even forcing its way into your psyche.

All I wanted to do was take a quiet little nap, a nocturnal rest had evaded me the previous Friday. I put on some soft jazz from the late seventies and then I was transported back.  My dog wasn’t barking, the cats weren’t meowing, because they were not there in a decade of my youth. In present day I watched the leaves on trees in my backyard rustle in the wind, but in my mind I felt the ocean breeze of Redondo Beach on my face. How I wanted to be able to return to that time and space. Only for a little while, though.

In the midst of this all, I got an e-mail. Remember the fledgling stages of this necessity of today? My former employer has been made quite obsolete because of it. Without being personal I have to say, the cosmos will interrupt your life on occasions and take you somewhere before you realize you should be not be there.

Where are we returning to or are we simply trying to escape? The current headlines are of chaos and gossip. What are we coming to? It was so different way back when. It wasn’t really that different, our priorities were different and information wasn’t as readily available. It seemed that we had stronger, better values. Therefore, we can now claim it was better then. With the soundtracks of that time, the era seems a lot better. Today we have to live life without the benefit of those sounds, sounds that memory adds and makes it all seem surreal. In the now we have to operate without commercial interruptions, and we come face to face with the fact we need a break from real from time to time.

Looking back allows us to  reminisce and reflect, but if we continue in that mode we could easily run into something we might have avoided had we been looking ahead. Spend a  little time with those special thoughts of things gone by and then give equal time to making plans for times to come.

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